Purpose for the Pain

by Renee Yohe

Purpose for the Pain is the inspiring story of a young woman's battles through addiction, depression and self-mutilation. In heartbreaking detail and poetic outpourings, Renee Yohe (the inspiration behind the non-profit movement, To Write Love On Her Arms) chronicles her journey from self destruction to new life. Over four years of journal entries, she takes readers through her deepest moments of despair to the hope on the other end. Renee's story is a light of possibility to anyone who feels trapped by darkness.

Genres: Mental Health, Nonfiction, Memoir, Poetry, Mental Illness, Psychology, Biography Memoir

397 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

"We are not our scars
We are found in the beauty
Of their healing"

- Renee Yohe, Purpose for the Pain.

I expected to love this book, but the connection I feel with Renee developed beyond anything I had hoped to gain from reading it. There's something so deeply personal about reading another person's diary. I can't explain what it is, but you'll know what I mean as soon as you begin Purpose for the Pain.

I want the title of this book tattooed on my body someday so I will never forget what I've learned and loved here.

I truly have learned so many things just from the collection of intense hours I spent reading Renee's often painful, always beautiful journal. I can't call myself exactly the same person I was before I started, and that's no lie or joke. Now, you could technically say that every book changes you in some way because that's just the power of books - but this one is truly special, especially for anyone who has struggled with depression, alcoholism, or self harm.

The book is comprised of photocopied pages from Renee's actual journal. Some are hard to read, but it's worth every minute spent deciphering the words. Some pages are smeared with blood, which makes the events all the more real. But along with the blood and the pain, you will find redemption. So much redemption - and that's even more vibrant than any blood will ever be.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

a very different read, difficult to follow at times but amazing all the same.
it is the exact copy of the diary of renee yohe. i love how they kept it in her writing, cause it makes it so much more personal. its honest, heartbreaking but has a happy ending. for fans of TWLOHA or people who have gone through things like depression, cutting and addiction, its a great book to read. may be emotionally hard to read for some, and may even be a bit triggering for others, but if you can handle it, i definetely recommend it. great book.

[Felicia Burriss · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, much like my life, was an epic struggle of love, addiction, hurt, pain, and all the hardships people go through in life. I can only say this: "Stop the bleeding. Rescue is possible. Love is the movement."

read this book, it will change your life and the perspective you take on self-mutilation.

[Laura Dells · Rating 5 out of 5]

Renee Yohe is the reason I'm alive. She has inspired me so much. This book is amazing. And so is Renee Yohe and To Write Love On Her Arms. Thank you.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

It took me longer to read this book than it should have because there were times when I couldn't put it down, and times when I didn't want to go back to it. It's definitely a book that you get into; it's not light reading in any sense of the phrase. I've read that some people are worried this book could serve as a trigger for those who have experienced some of the issues described in its pages. Personally, I don't think this book will trigger someone to go back to self destructive behavior, but I do think this book will only be of interest to those who have experienced some of the same struggles/self-destructive behaviors described in the book (substance abuse, self mutilation, depression, etc.). This is not a book for someone wanting to understand "why would someone do that." This is a book for people who have been there. The writing is not linear, and it's not written to help the reader understand the author's behavior (remember: you're reading someone's diary; it reads like a diary).

If you're looking for solidarity, read this book. There are so many parts of this book that are painfully beautiful, and you can start to feel like you're reading the diary you wish you'd written along the way. If you're hoping to understand the "why" of someone else's behavior, look elsewhere.

[Paige Pagnotta · Rating 2 out of 5]

The censored swear words really bothered me for some reason. I just didn't really see the point in doing that and even feel like it took away from the story. Other than that, this was a very interesting & personal book.

[Ella · Rating 2 out of 5]

Have a copy to give away if anyone wants one. Lightly used. This really should be a one-star review, but I feel very judgy giving "stars" to anyone's personal journal. On the other hand, I paid money for a copy, as did many other people. Once we put things into the world, we have to understand that people will have opinions.

A caveat: I'm a big supporter of the idea of this book as well as the organization the author and her friends (featured in this book) started: To Write Love on Her Arms. Support for those in need will always have my support, so if you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, suicidal ideation or substance abuse, feel free to PM me for referrals or try this group.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

Now, about the book. It has its own issues. The beginning chapter and introduction are interesting and have a story, but they're very "Christ-in-your-face" to start, and then when we get into the "book" it's just -- someone's journal. I'm down with Jesus, but I do not like to be preached at. I'd hoped it would be a different encouraging tool for people who self harm, but it's 1) more about addiction and 2) glosses over a lot of the muck and mire without a real point and then by the end [after only 2 years sober] to just say "all is well in the Lord." While that may be true NOW, I can guarantee it wasn't when these journals were written.

Then there's the issue of the type of journal. This is a young girl who is enamoured with poetry and she writes in poems or song lyrics or snippets of flowery, sometimes purple prose. I'm not going to go after her writing, but it doesn't lend itself to a story of what happened. It's not a "today x happened" or "I want to write about x event" journal. It's very abstract and doesn't explain any of the actual events except almost in passing. I found myself flipping around wildly to try and understand what events she was writing about. Clearly there was some trauma, but she never just writes "x happened to me at z time" -- connecting chapters written in aid of understanding the journals, rather than just photocopying them, would have tremendously improved this endeavor.

Also, it's a great idea to see the actual written pages, but MAN - they're really hard to read at times. I read it twice, just to make sure I had an open mind and heart. I did. I just couldn't like this diary. It's not a tool. It's a screed -- as a journal should be, but it could've done with some editing or... perhaps it should have simply remained a private journal, shared amongst friends, therapist or whomever, but not offered for sale to the world at large.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a story of the struggle that Renee Yohe went through.

I like many others, I found myself rereading things over and over again. But as it went on, I got used to the handwriting. I wouldn't dock this book on keeping it in her original handwriting. In fact, I think it adds to the story. Not only did we get to read Yohe's struggles, we got to see it too; the raw emotion comes through those private handwritten journals.

I was okay with things being blacked out. I'm assuming they were names of people or swear words.


Incredibly inspiring. A beautiful book.

Hope is real. Help is real. Rescue is Possible.
Stop the bleeding. TWLOHA.


Perfection is surrealism. pg3
In falling, we learn to fly. pg3
A failure. A fall. A means to an end. Thats all... pg63
Stuck in a world inside my head. pg68
Falling down is an opportunity to get up, it is only when I refuse to learn that I have failed. pg200

[Adel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I know I have no room to talk because I obviously didn't finish this book, but from what I read, it was terrible. I know it's a collection of journals and I feel very sorry for Renee and what she went through, but I just wish it would have been more interesting and easier to read. I mostly didn't like the fact that they kept it in her handwriting. I feel like they should have rewrote it in typing because I found myself having to reread sentenced over and over just to try and understand her handwriting.

[Cat · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite book of all time and I read it quite often. I am obsessed with the concept of an entire book being pieces of Renee's diary. It's beautiful but tragic at the same time.

This book means a lot to me personally. The non-profit organization that was created as a way to help her has done a great deal for me. This book is the meaning behind the tattoo I have. I highly recommend this book. It can be a bit triggering for anyone that has been through anything that is talked about in the book. I do not suggest reading it if you are not in a good place right now.

[Kristin Phillips · Rating 3 out of 5]

My favorite organization was started because of this girl. It's the journal of Renee Yohe who struggled with addiction, self-harm, suicidal ideations and depression for many years. It's absolutely incredible and extremely intense in many parts. The reason I rated it a 3, however, is because it can be incredibly difficult to follow at times. A lot of the journal is poetry. She absolutely conveys what she wanted to, but it can get confusing. Still good though. Quick read.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. I especially love the fact that it is copied had written journal entries. The entries are raw and heartbreaking at times. As well as funny and happy at others. This book really opened my eyes to what it is like to struggle with additions, self harm, and abuse. it is also a testament that recovery is possible. I highly recommend this book to all. I would even go as far to say it should be required reading for high school students.

[Paytone]

This is my favorite. It tells the story of a young girl who went the a bunch of struggles in her life. It tells of her experiences through rehab & her recovery. Definitely a must read!

[Christie Gribschaw Lauch · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5 How do you rate someone else’s life story? It’s a difficult question but this time I found the answer to be very clear. I’ve been wanting to read this story for a while but wanted to wait until I was in a place where I could appreciate all of it for what it was. This book is essentially a collection of journal entries written by the author Renee which chronicles five years of her life that she spent in and out of addiction and recovery. Some of the topics included in this book are: self-injury, addiction, alcoholism, drug use, suicide, depression, and rape. This book is not for the lighthearted. This is the real life story of an individual who struggles with some serious mental health concerns. One thing I will say is that I wish I had known that the journal entries were literally going to be photocopies from her diary meaning that they are written in cursive/print and copied over from originally being done in pencil. By this I just mean to point out that at times they were a little hard to read or understand. If reading in cursive annoys you then don’t get this book. Other than that I found this book to be honest and insightful. Renee is giving you a glimpse of what it’s like to live inside her mind. These are her raw thoughts and emotions written on paper. Also, one other comment I have is that I think it would have been helpful to have some annotations in the text to make when she was in or out of treatment or what she was/wasn’t using. Just for the sake of reading it would have been helpful for context. Regardless though this was one of the more interesting writings that I have read about mental illness specifically because it came from the person experiencing the symptoms as they were experiencing them in real time. I can’t even imaging what kind of guts it would take to hand over your private journals and allow them to be published to the world. That’s some kind of bravery there. And I hope it’s helping others to feel like they are less alone.

[Justin Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this as I was entering high school. I was going through a particularly rough period and I was struggling with un diagnosed mental health issues when I found this book. Renee effectively conveyed the emotions that tortured her and helped me voice my own.
It is a little difficult at times with it being authored in her own penmanship. You may not be able to completely read a line due to her own scribbles or odd lettering.

Beautiful, insightful, painful.
Must read

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Renee, thank you for sharing your pain, strength, hope, fears, tears..

[Mps · Rating 3 out of 5]

Because things get tricky when memoirs or journals are involved, I want to be very clear here: my rating for this book has absolutely nothing to do with the amazing Renee Yohe, herself.

I'm not going to lie, this book was disappointing to me. But maybe I just had too high of expectations. To start, the overt religious references took me off guard. I don't have a problem with them, it just wasn't something apparent from listening to Renee speak or from any of the summaries I read prior to purchasing the book. Getting past that, the multi-page forward bothered me, because I didn't know who was speaking until 4 paragraphs from the end of it; in fact there's no notation anywhere on the cover of the book or the title pages about anyone but Renee. (If you plan on reading the book and want to know, it's her good friend David who wrote the forward. He's the one who really got her on the road to recovery.)

I know a lot of people have mentioned being bothered by the fact that her journal entries were left in her handwriting. I'll admit that there were a few spots where I struggled to read a word or two, but for the most part everything was legible. Maybe struggling to read a word every here and again made me read this slower than normal, or maybe it was the fact that a lot of her poetry reminded me of poems I wrote in high school (they improve in quality as the book goes on; the typed stuff is really much better written than most of the handwritten poetry). Overall? It was still a pretty good book. I've marked a number of quotes in the book that I really enjoyed or related to, and the book is honest about what it is: it's a collection of Renee's personal journal entries. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no "story" here, necessarily, it's simply a glimpse into Renee's personal life during some of her struggles and a good portion of her recovery.

(I posted a slightly longer review of this book here.)

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Purpose for the Pain was an amazing book. It is a collection of journals written by Renee Yohe. Yohe is the inspiration behind the non-profit organization To Write Love on Her Arms. Not only did this book inspire me but it was as if my thoughts were spilled onto the pages in front of my eyes. The raw words and blood stained entries and concert reviews made it feel like Yohe was telling me everything herself. Though at sometimes it was hard to make out her handwriting, it becomes easier throughout, learning how she writes the letter f backwards and switches between cursive and block and all capitalization or no punctuating. This book makes the reader want to reach in and save her. It makes them want to hold her and tell her that they are here, they care. From addiction and hospitalization, to self harm and wanting to escape the skin she lives in, it is impossible to not fall in love with Yohe. Overall, this book is a bible of some sorts to people like me. It gives us hope.
Purpose for the Pain
Renee Yohe

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is difficult to rate this book. I purchased it after watching the movie which was very moving and artistic. This book has some powerful, valuable material. I sincerely wish, however, that a very good editor would get a hold of the book. It is copies directly from her journal in her handwriting. I had difficulty actually reading it. The prose is deep but I was so intent on trying to decipher the handwriting that I couldn't follow the train of thought of the entries. Then there were random entries with no context offered so i had no idea what she was talking about (seemed to be band engagements, for instance). The last few entries were typed and those were the ones that let me know that I really would like help to read the others. There are some entries where a direct copy is invaluable due to artistic expression or even what appears to be blood smears.

Renee's story is powerful and has positively impacted many. I'd like to see this material have the full benefit possible.

[Olive · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got this book and could not finish it. I ordered it off twloha.com for about twenty dollars which is kind of expensive for a book, especially since i didn't like it. I am a big follower of TWLOHA and cutting/depression, etc, So i thought i would love this book. It's written as a journal from Renne Yohe, and the text is her handwriting. I had trouble reading her hand writing sometimes, so that might be why i got lost immidiatly and couldn't finish it. I'm going to try this book again because it got a lot of good reviews and i paid a lot of money for it.

[Cordelia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Painful. Visceral at times, hopeful often, but certainly doesn't pull any punches. A very important book, to show that there can be a rainbow at the end of the storm, but that the storm doesn't end permanently. Recovery is a long and winding road that doesn't end perfectly, but that doesn't mean life isn't worth living -- as she says, "we are not so naïve to think that was the last storm. There will be many more. But we will survive, if only we fight, and remember what it is we are fighting for."

[Kayleigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really lovely read, although it did take a while to get through the first time. I admit that it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I certainly enjoyed reading it. I'd heard so much about Renee Yohe's life, and story, so when an opportunity presented itself to get inside her head and read her account of her life and those dark times, I jumped at the chance. I loved the book, and it was really powerful.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing, uplifting, inspiring....one of the best books I have ever read. I recommend to all, but if you struggle with self-injury, depression, addiction, or suicide, be careful as this is a graphic and true story and there may be triggers. This book provides hope, and allows one to see that they are not alone. It tells the backstory of TWLOHA from the girl who inspired the foundation that started it all. MUST READ.

[Laura A. Barton · Rating 5 out of 5]

While this book is somewhat difficult to read in some cases because of it being photocopies of the handwritten diaries of Renee Yohe, it is an amazing look into this woman's mind and a glimpse at her creative talents even when she was struggling most. You can read the story of To Write Love On Her Arms on their website a hundred times, but nothing compares to reading Renee's journey from her own perspective. Great book!

[Autumn Schmidt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. I know it's just her journals but still. She writes about what was going on in her life in such an understandable way. For those of us who has been though any of the things Renee has it's so realatible and makes you ache for her and feel the emotions she felt even if you haven't been through any of that stuff. She is such an inspiration. I'd recomend this book to anybody.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Renee is a true inspiration and testament of faith. This is such an honest and powerful book that takes you into her struggle and her healing. It was so brave of her to share her personal experiences as candid as they come, through her own journal entries. None of her pain is hidden, and none of her joy, either. Not for the faint of heart, but absolutely incredible.

[Shannun · Rating 5 out of 5]

Renee's struggle and her writings are so inspiring to me. She has such strength and such beauty. I bought this book a few years back when I was struggling with my own inner demons and it really made me feel like I wasn't alone. I really recommend this to anyone that is going through a hard time.

[Kaitlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is really good it tells of a young girl and her journey through rehab its her entire diary... defntly recomend it!

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven't even finished it and I have learned so much, I will write down once I'm done but it will definalty be a book I'll never forget

[Abbey · Rating 4 out of 5]

some of it was hard to read as it's copies of Renee's journals & her handwriting at times was difficult to make out. Renee is the reason behind the formation of TWLOHA.