Anger Is My Middle Name: A Memoir

by Lisbeth Zornig Andersen, Mark Mussari (Translation)

An empowering memoir of resilience and redemption, and the rage that helped a girl escape the darkness of a harrowing childhood.

Born to a violently dysfunctional home in working-class Denmark, Lisbeth Zornig Andersen and her three older brothers were bounced between foster care and state-run institutions, then back again to their chemically dependent mother and sadistic stepfather. For Lisbeth, it was a childhood without perimeters. It was blighted by poverty, sexual abuse, neglect, betrayal, and further victimization by the broken Danish social services system that forced Lisbeth to live where and how it saw fit. Coming of age with a myriad of fears and emotional disorders, Lisbeth had three things that would become driving forces in her life: she was extraordinarily bright, extremely willful, and exceptionally angry.

From hell to liberation, this is Lisbeth’s emotional and galvanizing memoir told in two voices: that of a young girl who was unwanted, challenged, and defiant, and that of a woman who channeled her rage into a positive force as a passionate advocate for children’s rights. Whatever darkness defines the past, it can be used to change the future. Lisbeth’s heart-wrenching and ultimately uplifting journey is proof.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Abuse, Biography Memoir, Psychology, Audiobook

230 pages, Paperback

First published November 11, 2011

Reviews

[George Stenger · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very heart rendering memoir about Lisbeth growing up in horrific conditions. She was physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. Her birth mother and father appeared to be alcoholics and could not provide the support that Lisbeth and her 3 brothers needed. After her birth parents divorce, her mother went from abusive relationship to the next. Unfortunately, she witnessed Lisbeth's sexual abuse and ignored it.

Lisbeth didn't want to live with her mother, but her mother's testimony would drag her back into her horrible situation. Lisbeth is finally able to get into institutions that were a better situation for her. Obviously, she had an extreme amount of emotional baggage that affected her behavior.

She finally received a guardian that deeply cared for her and helped her on her road to recovery.

Lisbeth was able to complete college and became an important advocate for the children that had similar backgrounds as she had.

Another similar powerful book on this subject is Etched in Sand by Regina Calcaterra. Regina also overcame a horrific background and later helped change laws in her state to assist children.

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I honestly don't even feel right about writing a review regarding something that was so incredibly heartbreaking. This memoir will rip your heart out and stomp on it. I can't even begin to put into words how devastating this read was. Thank you Lisbeth for being brave and sharing your story with us. I can't not even begin to fathom what you went through.

Thank you to NetGalley and Amazoncrossing for my review copy.

[ileen lowery · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shock

It’s rather difficult to understand how a small child can go through so much and yet be clever enough to hide her inner most fears and still surface as a well educated adult and help her own children to become rounded individuals surround by love and determinative - lots of evil to overcome and adherent behaviour such a fantastic read although upsetting and very difficult to believe

[Melanie McGrade Davidson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anger Is My Middle Name is a heart-wrenching, disturbing, and raw memoir about a girl who has experienced so much, and has shown immense bravery and courage to share her story with the world. She does this to educate others; to encourage people to speak up; to help people recognize the signs of someone else who may be going through it and may not be able to speak up themselves. Abuse is a horrible act that haunts victims in so many ways, and though it is so hard to read about, it is also so important for people to be aware of, be familiar with, or even be able to relate to and know that there are others out there experiencing the same thing and who may now know the signs they should be aware of and be able to reach out for help. Rating memoirs has always been something I don’t really agree with or like doing, but, in this case, it was easy to do. I think the author did a fantastic job depicting her vivid and emotional past with us, using a writing style that really captured the pain and history well.

[Tiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an ARC of Anger is my Middle Name by Lisbeth Zornig Andersen translated by Mark Mussari. This is Lisbeth's memoir of growing up in Denmark in a very dysfunctional household, dealing with neglect, sexual abuse, and physical violence. Her story was difficult to read for two reasons, the first because the content was hard to stomach. The people in her life who were suppose to protect her were the ones either putting her in harm's way or directly hurting her. Immediately, I bonded with her and felt protective of her. The other reason this book was difficult to read was the uneven narrative structure. I'm not sure if it was a translation issue but several times I would need to reread sections to try to understand what I had read. Additionally she would bring up people she had only briefly mentioned earlier without reminding the reader who they were, which I found confusing. Lastly, I found as a reader not familiar with Danish institutions, I needed a little more information. She tells us she is put in an orphanage. (Both of her parents are alive but they are neglectful so this seems the best option.) Later she mentions she is embarrassed at the orphanage because they are hosting Parent's Day and all the parents show up except hers. I need more understanding as to how Danish orphanages work. Why are all the parents showing up? Why are they putting their children in the orphanages if they are capable of showing up? I need background information. This is just one tangent but there were a few times I was confused. Her story is dark. It reminded me thematically to The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls or Educated by Tara Westover but overall the writing was a bit clunky. I gave it 3 stars.



This book will be published March 1, 2020. Thanks to Netgalley for my ARC

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
I had a hard time getting into this book, I think because of how the translation worked, but once I did, it held my attention. Often it is hard to read because of the neglect and abuse she and her family experienced. At times it was uplifting to see the people who truly cared about her. Overall, this is a sad memoir but something that needs to be known so these children and adults get the help they need and deserve.

[Lili · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving

It's always difficult to review a memoir like this one, one certainly can't say "I thoroughly enjoyed this book about a hellish childhood" but, as a fellow survivor, I felt touched and less alone by hearing her story.

[Debbi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was given a copy of this book to review it. I had a hard time getting into the book. I know it is her memories of what happened and I wasn't there. I had to force myself to continue reading at times.

I enjoyed the writing, when she was telling of her childhood, she wrote as a child, and as she aged in the book, her writing "aged" or became more adult.

I found a lot of the content disturbing, but that was the life she led. Things happened to her a child and how she dealt with those and overcame some of them is interesting. Her own insight into why she did what she did, acted like she did is the best part of the book.

I do think it ended to quickly, there should have been more about her life as an adult, one chapter is all she included on her three marriages, and children. I would have liked more about that, and maybe a little less detail about some of the events of her childhood.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

TW: abuse, neglect, childhood & adolescent sexual assault, rape


This was a really interesting memoir about Lisbeth's life and how it has shaped her into the person she is today. She discusses what has happened to her in a matter of fact way and explains how each thing shaped her behaviour.


She explains anger as a feeling as well as a behaviour. She doesn't use her trauma as an "excuse" but as an insight into how other people not knowing or understanding can change their perception about what she is like.


It is a non-judgemental account with not a lot of emotion. It seems factual, almost clinical and I think that this is deliberate to ensure that you listen to her story.

[Lindvall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, can you really rate a person's life? :-S

[Maria Mortensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anmeldelse af Zornig - Vrede er mit mellemnavn af Forlaget Gyldendal

Jeg havde glædet mig enormt meget til at læse bogen af Lisbeth - i forbindelse med jeg har set hendes dokumentar “Min barndom i helvede”. Man får ikke det hele med i dokumentareren - så det var det, man får i bogen af forskellige sagsagter med mere som går ind og bekræfter de ting som Lisbeth har været udsat som barn.

Zornig er den hudløst ærlige beretning om, hvordan et barn i det moderne velfærdsdanmark overlevede en opvækst fyldt med svigt, vold og overgreb fra de voksne omkring hende.  

Lisbeth Zornig Andersen, der er formand for Børnerådet, skildrer med barnets øjne sin egen opvæks med hverdagens rædsler i det under-Danmark, som er skjult for de fleste. En hverdag fyldt med knytnæver, blod, misbrug, straf, sult, stank og frygt. En far, der forsvandt, en stedfar, der gjorde ondt, en mor, der svigtede. Vi følger skridt for skridt hvordan hendes brødre bliver brudt ned i et hjem, hvor man fik noget at spise, hvis man kunne samle maden op fra kogende vand, hvor et enkelt ord ved middagsbordet betød sengen, hvor en plukket blomme i haven betød røvfuld i enerum - og det, der var værre. En barndom tilbragt på værtshuse, på børnehjem og på ungdomsinstitutioner. 

Usentimentalt og uhyggeligt detaljeret folder Lisbeth Zornig Andersen en brutal virkelighed ud, hvor ingen voksne greb ind for hjælpe den altid tavse, snavsede, magre pige med vorter på hænderne og kronisk øjenbetændelse. Indtil hun blev gammel nok til at bruge vreden og tage livet i egne hænder.

Det er også Lisbeth Zornig Andersens opråb til os andre. Hvad enten man professionelt arbejder med børn eller bare er en medborger. Hjælp disse børn!

Vurdering:
Bogen er velskrevet og har godt flow, den beskriver de ting, som man ikke får med i dokumentaren - her kommer man mere i dybden med alle de problemer som Lisbeth støder på i barn/ungdom ved hjælp af de mange sagsagter.

Jeg giver 6/6 hjerter, for det er en virkelig god bog som har rørt mig dybt og der faldet en del tåre under læsningen. Bogen er mere end en anbefaling værdig

[Gitte Rylund · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hård bog at læse, ufatteligt med så mange svigt undervejs i barndommen. Utroligt at Lisbeth alligevel formår at komme så godt på vej i voksenlivet - en ægte fighter.

[christina Sørensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stærk beretning fra en stærk og bemærkelsesværdig kvinde

[Alberte Rydahl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeg skulle læse denne bog i skolen til et psykologi projekt. At koble forskellige teorier på fra psykologi gjorde ikke bogen mindre barsk, men det var i hvert fald interessant.

[Signe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a difficult read as this is the recollection of a childhood of mental, physical, sexual abuse combined with fairly severe neglect mainly due to her mother's relational instability, generational poverty and alcohol abuse. I had nearly decided to not read it as it came in on inter-library loan, then the corona lockdown happened and the book sat for three months at the local branch. It was finally made available yesterday, and I found that once I started reading it was difficult to put down and forget.

Lisbeth explains early on that the word "Zornig" is a family surname that was placed as her middle name. The word in German means anger. And she is fairly angry as she survives episode after episode of abuse and betrayal from the adults in her life.

This book is not intended to simply recount her childhood, it is meant to educate people on what it is like to grow up in an abusive, neglectful environment.

Thank you to Amazon Crossing for making this work available to English language readers.

Lisbeth survives her childhood, but does develop many of the physical markers of childhood trauma, one of the main ones being intestinal and immune issues. Some of her quirks remain with her, perfectionism, fear of failure, at times people pleasing, at others having inordinate anger over certain triggering comments or changes in schedule. She relates the side effects of trauma and abuse with refreshing candor and honesty.

As an adult who managed to graduate high school then college, she is asked to chair Denmark's National Council for Children. She worked to help her nation align with the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, which all UN members have ratified with the exception of the United States. The book opens with a section from the Convention on the Rights of the Child:

Article 19

1.States Parties shall take all appropriate legislative, administrative, social and educational measures to protect the child from all forms of physical or mental violence, injury or abuse, neglect or negligent treatment, maltreatment or exploitation, including sexual abuse, while in the care of parent(s), legal guardian(s) or any other person who has the care of the child.

Because of this opportunity to help others, Lisbeth's memoir is vested in learning what she can from her experience and share those insights in order to help others in similar situations. She has a brief sketch at the close of the memoir of her top suggestions on how to best help abused and neglected children to give them a chance in life.

She has been remarkably successful in her career and what passes as family life in this era of serial relationships. Understandably, traumatized people can have difficulty maintaining long term relationships and developing close relationships with others. Her siblings, three brothers, did not fare as well. She can identify what made the difference in her life that gave her the opportunity to become far more than her early upbringing would indicate.

Lisbeth does comment that she is not able to forgive her mother, but as a reader with a great deal of empathy and as a co-sufferer in childhood horror, I do hope she will continue to work on that. It is very healing and freeing to forgive. That is where peace is found, in basic Christian practices she had as a child then later abandoned as life became so overwhelmingly awful.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

“A lovely summer memory of a time when my brothers were protecting me, but also a memory of a childhood without the boundaries every child needs. A childhood characterized for many years by betrayal, violence, and sexual assault, all of which formed the person I am today.”

This was a very difficult book to read but I enjoyed reading about the life and trauma that the author experienced. While this was not an easy read,it was a great book but to read if you want to understand the severity of abuse. Abuse is not just physical but it is also mental which can disturb someone psychological state.

The pictures accompanied was a nice touch,this was an amazing book that will touch the lives of many. It was devastating to read through all the turmoil but there were many highlights such as the sibling bond and escaping from the trauma that was experienced.

I will recommend this book to anyone,it was a sad but resilient memoir.

[Sofia]

This is a very personal book, so I don't feel like I can give it a rating.

The writing is quite simple (purposely - the author mentions that she wanted to write like the child she was, as opposed to as an adult looking back to her childhood). In the photograph captions she is more analytical, and reflective, which I preferred. This is NOT an easy book to read because the subject matter is very dark.

I liked it overall, especially learning about how Denmark deals with child abuse and her reflections on how authorities and social workers failed her, and how some of them didn't fail her.

I find it very interesting that very few memoirs are translated - but perhaps my perception is skewed.

[William (Bill) Fluke · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you liked “Educated” by Westover or “Etched in Sand” , you will probably enjoy this - often tough to read- memoir of a tragic childhood. The author’s emergence from such a neglected upbringing is impressive yet she leaves no doubts of the tremendous scars she still carries as well as the effects it had on her siblings. The first time I believe I have read a translated into English book and it was not complicated or awkward due to such translation. Must advise that parts of Lisbeth’s telling are quite graphic and could be uncomfortable to some.

[Esther Bradley-detally · Rating 5 out of 5]

Words rise within my throat, and simply slide down again at the abuse and courage, like fraternl twins who don't get along, survive each other. A truly horrible childhood. I thought one thing, had she been housed in homes in the United States, or orphanges, i fear the author would not have been met with love.

Thank goodness for kindness, and spunk. The Greatest Pilgrimage is to solace the sorrow-laden heart, the Baha'i Writings; = what would she have done without the help. Kudos to the auhor, and hunbke tribute always; This book should be read widely!

[katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read

Really tragic story,written by a brave soul who reminded me in parts of myself and my childhood. Great read ,thank you x

[Linda Surritte · Rating 4 out of 5]

Memoir of a rough childhood in Holland and an interesting look at social services there.

[Deborah Siddoway · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this 4 stars on account of the bravery of the author in coming forward to tell her story. She does so in such a matter of fact way, that for me, it lost some of the emotional resonance that you could feel was underlying it, but somehow was never evoked on the page. I usually steer away from the misery memoir genre, but I felt that Lisbeth here had something worthwhile to say, and the real power in her story is that fact that she overcame so much neglect and abuse to achieve a great education and pave her way in the world while trying to help others. Her story shows that for these children, who all too often slip through the cracks, education and some real adult empathy and attention can achieve much.

[Melanie Bower · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really hard to read. An important story to be told.

[Kennedy · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fantastic, heart wrenching book. It hurt me so much reading about what the author went through during her childhood. I think this book did a great job of showing some of the errors in orphanages and what makes a decent household, even for children in the foster system. Brilliant.

[alomie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy hell this was harrowing, like a punch to the gut. If you don't come out of this wanting to help or do something I'd be interested to know why.
Although aware there would be light at the end of the tunnel moments in this woman's childhood were so dark I don't know if I would have the strength to survive.
Christ.
Worth a read.
What a strong and inspiring woman.

[Anna]

CW for review: mention of rape and sexual assault

This book is a very difficult book to listen to. Lisbeth is a Danish economist and activist who was previously on the council for children's welfare and her adult life has been spent working to improve conditions for children, especially marginalized children. Her motivation for her career path was her very traumatic childhood that was spent in between orphanages and " foster " homes and her emotionally abusive and neglectful mother and her multiple physically and sexual abusive partners.

This book is told from Lisbeth's point of view as a child growing up to 18 and it's one of those things where it's exceptionally hard to listen to. I mean we have what we perceive as the voice of a child explain sexual assault in the way that a child understands sexual assault. We listen as 3-year-old Lisbeth doesn't understand why her mom doesn't want her and meeting a new stepfather and trying to follow all of his rules and not understanding why her brothers are acting out etc. We listen as child aged Lisbeth is sexually assaulted for the first time and then the second time and then the third time. We listen as teenage Lisbeth is sexually assaulted for another time. We listen as she is a teenager begging people to listen to her and all they see is her anger. We listen as she is continuously put back into the hands of people that are harming her despite telling others that she doesn't want to be there in both her words and actions. We listen as adults in her life let her down over and over and over again. We listen as she finally breaks down and shares some of the details about her assaults and as she finds a little bit of freedom in therapy. We listen as she starts what is sure to be a lifelong journey in working through decades of trauma.

The very itty bitty beginning of this book and the last I don't know 10% are narrated from Lisbeth as an adult where she kind of chronicles why she is writing from this perspective and why she's writing the book and then at the end she chronicles was happened in her life since then and it's a very powerful memoir.

This is my oldest NetGalley arc and I kind of wish that I'd read it before but I'm not super mad about it because I was able to listen to the audiobook which for me is a little bit more powerful. This audiobook is available for free if you have both Kindle unlimited and audible and so I was able to listen. This is a translated work that was originally published in Danish and then republished in English.

Obviously there are a lot of content warnings and trigger warnings for this specifically regarding rape and sexual assault, but if you are able to, I would definitely recommend this.

CW for book: rape, sexual assault of a child and teenager, use of alcohol and drugs, physical assault on multiple people, sex, abandonment, neglect, emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting

[Pam S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lisbeth Zornig Anderson’s blisteringly raw new memoir about growing up poor and (mostly) parent-less in Denmark during the nineteen seventies and eighties is a study in perseverance. Translated from the Danish in smooth prose that belies the nature of what the words describe, this is an incredible story. Trigger Warning: If you are easily upset by reading anything having to do with emotional abuse, rape, child abuse, incest, sexual assault, or domestic violence; just walk away now. If, however, you have a high tolerance for frank depictions of brutality, you will ultimately be rewarded, for there is both hope and horror here. I am of the mind that sometimes we need to see the ugliness laid bare in order to truly appreciate the beauty in all its glory; this book delivers on both counts. Anderson’s triumph over adversity is told through some stunning writing, gifting her readers with the ability to feel almost as if they were right there beside her without having to suffer the fallout. I read a lot of memoirs, usually about a dozen or so per year, and this one was a definite stand out for the sheer volume of abuse that is described in almost casual detail; as if the amount of violence visited upon the author was somehow seen as almost a matter of course. This is perhaps more disturbing in itself than the relentless parade of bad people who wander in and out of Anderson’s life as if through a revolving door of horrors. The only book I can think of that even comes close is Tara Westover’s Educated, similar in its depiction of how having to endure hardship can both repress and motivate, often in equal measure. The well-wrought descriptions of abject poverty and deprivation in rural Denmark were eye opening at best, disheartening at worst. To say that Anderson overcame the adversity of her origins is an understatement of epic proportions; after finishing this book, I was honestly amazed that she made it to adulthood. It is a sign of her strength of will and character that she not only survived, but eventually thrived. Highly recommended, if you can handle it.

[Mel]

I've decided that when it comes to memoirs i won't give star reviews anymore. I just feel like I can't rate a book about someone's life with stars. It seems to degrade their experience.


With that being said this memoir was a lot of things. It was deep, it was heartbreaking, it was REAL. Lizbeth's childhood upbringing was one of violence, sexual abuse, confusion, anger and loss.

Everytime I read about someone in her life who was supposed to help her but instead left her, I was enraged. How could a parent let their child be abused and treated the way she was? How could someone be so self absorbed that they couldn't seem to care how badly their child was hurting? As someone who grew up being physically abused by my own father, (and sexually abused by other men) I was able to relate with Lisbeth strongly. The anger she felt, the self destructive path she was on, the way she kept running to her mother hoping for protection and feeling distraught every time her mother failed her, was so real for me.

I applaud the author for being brave enough to write about her story, and the adults that came into her life and fought for her so she could be as successful as she is today. I admore the author's strength and this book has cemented my desire to be a social worker and actually pay attention to neglected and abused children. And to be the best mother to my son that I can be. I loved reading about how much the author adores her own children and showers them in affection and protection.

[Eliana]

I am not sure how I feel about this one. It is incredibly gut-wrenching, and I have nothing but respect for Lisbeth in her journey of sharing her story. This one just didn’t hit the mark for me. It could have been the fact that I listened to it on audio, which isn’t my preferred way to read, so I do not want to give this a rating when I may be judging it unfairly. I found the storyline repetitive, and I absolutely don’t want to discount the fact that the repetitiveness was a crucial part of the point of the book, to show how her trauma affected her, I got a bit lost in the pages describing her seeing her mother, then returning to wherever she lived at the time, then meeting up with men. I think that there is a very important point to be made within these portions, and her mother being central to those is something that I don’t want to downplay. However, I would have liked a little less time describing the back-and-forth of daily life, to a point. I enjoyed reading about this back-and-forth, but I felt that it reached a point near the end that it overshadowed the meaning of the narrative and made it lose some of its power. I understand that I have no place whatsoever to judge this, as I have not gone through this myself, but as a reader, the writing style did not work for me. Her story is heart-wrenching and ultimately inspiring, and I just wish it had been written a little differently.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

"My children have asked me several times why they aren't named Zornig like me. I tell them I didn't want to pass on the legacy of that name. I needed that name: I had to use that anger to liberate myself for my own personal inheritance. Born into light and love my children don't need that anger."
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Thoughts~
A memoir of grit, resilience and inspiration!
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Lisbeth Zornig Andersen works as an advocate for children's rights, something she is very qualified to do considering the childhood she had. Born in Denmark, into a dysfunctional and violent home, her and her brothers were in and out of foster care and institutions, lived in poverty, suffered sexually abuse, betrayal, and neglect.
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Andersen paints a vivid picture of her hellish upbringing. She courageously published her harrowing story to educate people. Encourage others to see the signs of child suffering and speak up for thoes that cannot speak up for themselves, as she couldn't have as a child.
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This is an emotional, heartbreaking, hard read but I appreciate Andersen's motives for putting her story out there. It would be strange to say I enjoyed this book in the traditional sense but it was a well written memoir and I'm glad I had the chance to read it.
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Thank You to the publisher for sending me this book opinions are my own.
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