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The Lost Boy: Tales of a Child Soldier
In episode 1 of the Ray Martin fronted SBS series Look me in the eye two South Sudanese migrants now resident in Brisbane sat across from each other and looked into each other’s eyes. One of them, Ayik, was once a ten-year-old boy soldier training in the junior forces of the SPLA and like many of the young boys hating it. He regularly ran away, sometimes to refugee camps, but was found, dragged back and brutally punished by then fourteen-year-old Anyang, the man now sitting opposite him.
After a tumultuous life in Africa, Ayik brings that trauma with him to Australia and at various times gets in trouble with the law over violence, alcohol and drugs. He is misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and is wrongly medicated for years. One day at a Brisbane church he looks across and sees his childhood torturer and is filled with hate. They do not interact then, but on their next encounter, a few years later, Ayik speaks with Anyang and says if they were still in Africa he would kill him.
Thankfully a number of forces (including the law and parenthood and a better psychiatrist) eventually set Ayik on the straight and narrow. He is studying, working as an actor and volunteering at his local PCYC.
An incredibly honest book showing that recovering from torture and war is a process of lifelong learning, choices and challenges.
After a tumultuous life in Africa, Ayik brings that trauma with him to Australia and at various times gets in trouble with the law over violence, alcohol and drugs. He is misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and is wrongly medicated for years. One day at a Brisbane church he looks across and sees his childhood torturer and is filled with hate. They do not interact then, but on their next encounter, a few years later, Ayik speaks with Anyang and says if they were still in Africa he would kill him.
Thankfully a number of forces (including the law and parenthood and a better psychiatrist) eventually set Ayik on the straight and narrow. He is studying, working as an actor and volunteering at his local PCYC.
An incredibly honest book showing that recovering from torture and war is a process of lifelong learning, choices and challenges.
320 pages, Paperback
Published April 1, 2020
8 people are currently reading
137 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
June 7, 2020
Heart wrenching, brutal, frustrating, optimistic, the power of forgiveness and perseverance, to identify but a few themes in this remarkable recount of Ayik Chut Deng’s beginnings in South Sudan to his new life in Queensland, Australia.
Ayik recounts his experiences with a degree of detachment, which allows the reader to cope with the brutality of his narrative. Extreme and unfathomable violence, that the average person will not be able to understand, form a core aspect of his life.
Having lived in Africa myself and having similar knowledge of life e.g. communities who ‘kangaroo court’ others with punishments like necklacing; made his experiences really vivid. I too have found a new home on the Gold Coast, of Australia. Ayik’s references to events and crimes over the early part of the first decade of the 21st century were like mirrors to my experiences when I first moved here; however far apart we were in living our lives at the same time in the same place.
The content (both local and international) and positive overall message of perseverance will stay with me for a very long time. My wish for Ayik is that all his shadows remain behind him and his future always be towards the light!
What does it really mean to be human?
Ayik recounts his experiences with a degree of detachment, which allows the reader to cope with the brutality of his narrative. Extreme and unfathomable violence, that the average person will not be able to understand, form a core aspect of his life.
Having lived in Africa myself and having similar knowledge of life e.g. communities who ‘kangaroo court’ others with punishments like necklacing; made his experiences really vivid. I too have found a new home on the Gold Coast, of Australia. Ayik’s references to events and crimes over the early part of the first decade of the 21st century were like mirrors to my experiences when I first moved here; however far apart we were in living our lives at the same time in the same place.
The content (both local and international) and positive overall message of perseverance will stay with me for a very long time. My wish for Ayik is that all his shadows remain behind him and his future always be towards the light!
What does it really mean to be human?
May 31, 2020
5* Survival Stars
This was a fascinating true story of 12-year-old boy who joined the Red Army as a child soldier to fight for independence from Sudan. The hardships he faced being torched and separated from his family was sometimes hard to read.
It was amazing to read how he was reunited with his family and how strong their bond was. I had so much admiration for his sister and her strength to relocate the family from Kenya to Australia. When you read how simple things in life, like kissing a loved one, having a fridge full of food, supermarkets that have aisles and shelves stocked with choice, traffic lights that control traffic and let pedestrians know when it is safe to walk are everyday occurrences to us but for Ayik and his family this was so foreign and unheard of back where he had grown up. Although they were now safe in Australia coming to terms and adjusting to the western ways of the world was difficult for Ayik. Added to this he suffered from severe PTSD and drowning himself in alcohol and drugs was his way of coping. After a serious car crash and an unexpected encounter with someone from his past, he begins to open up and let go of his past so the healing can begin.
This story will take you on a journey that is not easy to read, it is gut-wrenching and sometimes hard to believe that this is life for many people outside of the comfortable and sheltered lives we live in. Ayik’s story is one of true survival, it real and heartfelt. Thank you so much Ayik for being so raw and honest and sharing your remarkable story.
This was a fascinating true story of 12-year-old boy who joined the Red Army as a child soldier to fight for independence from Sudan. The hardships he faced being torched and separated from his family was sometimes hard to read.
It was amazing to read how he was reunited with his family and how strong their bond was. I had so much admiration for his sister and her strength to relocate the family from Kenya to Australia. When you read how simple things in life, like kissing a loved one, having a fridge full of food, supermarkets that have aisles and shelves stocked with choice, traffic lights that control traffic and let pedestrians know when it is safe to walk are everyday occurrences to us but for Ayik and his family this was so foreign and unheard of back where he had grown up. Although they were now safe in Australia coming to terms and adjusting to the western ways of the world was difficult for Ayik. Added to this he suffered from severe PTSD and drowning himself in alcohol and drugs was his way of coping. After a serious car crash and an unexpected encounter with someone from his past, he begins to open up and let go of his past so the healing can begin.
This story will take you on a journey that is not easy to read, it is gut-wrenching and sometimes hard to believe that this is life for many people outside of the comfortable and sheltered lives we live in. Ayik’s story is one of true survival, it real and heartfelt. Thank you so much Ayik for being so raw and honest and sharing your remarkable story.
April 15, 2020
The Lost Boy: Tales of a child soldier
Ayik Chut Deng
Do you remember what your goals were at the age of 13?
Do you remember what was of greatest importance to you on a day-to-day basis at that age?
I do; the most important thing in my life was my pair of roller skates and the training sessions I participated in to become a competent speed skater.
What a different life it was for Ayik Chut, and thousands of others like him, during his teenage years.
Whilst, at the age of 13, I was trying on my pair of speed roller skates for size, Ayik was trying on an AK-47 for size.
Though escaping his birth country and resettling in Australia offered a new ‘stage’ to play out his life, the ‘stage’ was never going to be beneficial whilst the memories contained in his mind were still following him and causing him to make ill-fated decisions.
The replay of what he witnessed triggered PTSD; and in wondering how this came about, you would ask yourself “why not?”
Australia may have offered a safe place to live, however safety is also self-created. Ayik’s decisions weren’t always safe, in fact for about 10 years of his life in Australia, you would ask yourself “how the hell did he survive?”. The choices Ayik made here were probably more dangerous than the choices he made whilst fighting for the Red Army.
Easy to read, this book allows you the opportunity to see life as it is lived within a country that’s been affected by war more than once. Where children aren’t shielded from the nastiness and atrocities of this world, but are recruited to participate and encourage each other to engage in what they see as ‘doing their part’ to protect their beliefs and culture.
With a dappling of humour, Ayik recalls his memories and shares them with the reader and, in doing so, realises that a ‘problem shared is a problem halved’.
On witnessing romantic kissing for the first time during his time in an Australian high school, Ayik writes:
“Another massive difference was the complete absence of kissing in Dinka-style romance…People’s lips simply did not meet in our world…it was one of the most shocking, bizarre, revolting rituals I had ever witnessed… No one in our family could believe the kissing plague that swept Australia…Eventually I started kissing girls, too, and I came to realise that where we came from, everyone was missing out on something very, very special.”
Thanks for a great book, Ayik.
It is with much sincerity that I wish you peace and success in your life and in that of your children.
Ayik Chut Deng
Do you remember what your goals were at the age of 13?
Do you remember what was of greatest importance to you on a day-to-day basis at that age?
I do; the most important thing in my life was my pair of roller skates and the training sessions I participated in to become a competent speed skater.
What a different life it was for Ayik Chut, and thousands of others like him, during his teenage years.
Whilst, at the age of 13, I was trying on my pair of speed roller skates for size, Ayik was trying on an AK-47 for size.
Though escaping his birth country and resettling in Australia offered a new ‘stage’ to play out his life, the ‘stage’ was never going to be beneficial whilst the memories contained in his mind were still following him and causing him to make ill-fated decisions.
The replay of what he witnessed triggered PTSD; and in wondering how this came about, you would ask yourself “why not?”
Australia may have offered a safe place to live, however safety is also self-created. Ayik’s decisions weren’t always safe, in fact for about 10 years of his life in Australia, you would ask yourself “how the hell did he survive?”. The choices Ayik made here were probably more dangerous than the choices he made whilst fighting for the Red Army.
Easy to read, this book allows you the opportunity to see life as it is lived within a country that’s been affected by war more than once. Where children aren’t shielded from the nastiness and atrocities of this world, but are recruited to participate and encourage each other to engage in what they see as ‘doing their part’ to protect their beliefs and culture.
With a dappling of humour, Ayik recalls his memories and shares them with the reader and, in doing so, realises that a ‘problem shared is a problem halved’.
On witnessing romantic kissing for the first time during his time in an Australian high school, Ayik writes:
“Another massive difference was the complete absence of kissing in Dinka-style romance…People’s lips simply did not meet in our world…it was one of the most shocking, bizarre, revolting rituals I had ever witnessed… No one in our family could believe the kissing plague that swept Australia…Eventually I started kissing girls, too, and I came to realise that where we came from, everyone was missing out on something very, very special.”
Thanks for a great book, Ayik.
It is with much sincerity that I wish you peace and success in your life and in that of your children.
April 19, 2020
This is a heart warming life story, of how someone's life can be so tragic and learning about other cultures. But the most important thing is learning how Ayik changed his life around after everything he has been through and to be able to forgive the hardest person to forgive. Please read.
May 28, 2020
This is not the first autobiography I have read that tells the story of former child soldiers, and I will probably read many more. These children are forced to endure the unimaginable. It has left behind a generation of deeply damaged Men, yet somehow many of them have gone on to lead fulfilling lives. (And are usually the ones that write the books - it is sad to think of the many that could not recover or did not survive) Somehow Ayik survived the ordeal having not been injured by one bullet, as did some of his relatives who all ended up in Australia as a refugee at age 19. I found his observations about life in Australia really insightful and interesting, and written with some humour and affection. I loved seeing things through his Dinka eyes. Suffering severe PTSD, he struggled with the new life he had been given, despite his quick learning of the English language, ability to connect with people, his Motivation and resourcefulness, he Struggled with his mental health and plunged into a world of drug dealing and bad choices. Yet he writes about these with a depth of self awareness and honesty. I am thankful he found the help and support he needed, but I am so sorry that any child is subject to the horrors he experienced.
I listened to the audio version which was excellent.
I listened to the audio version which was excellent.
September 6, 2020
Raw & honest.
October 1, 2020
I can’t remember the last time I gave a book such a low rating (usually because I wouldn’t bother finishing them if I disliked them so much). However, as I was listening to this as an audiobook it was easier to push through my negative feelings towards it.
It’s always hard to review bios as you feel like you’re giving a rating on someone’s life experiences. In this case, my rating is a bit of both.
Basically, while I understand a lot of things that happened in this book were not the author’s fault, I found absolutely nothing redeeming about him and couldn’t understand why the book has be so well received. I have read a lot of refugee stories, some including child soldiers (like A Long Way Gone and Songs of a War Boy, which I liked much better). But this one just really annoyed me. I’m very against alcohol and drug use so maybe that was my problem.
Overall it was just an unpleasant read because of all the recklessness and self-destructive behaviours (which I guess gives exposure to how unpleasant it can be living with PTSD and a misdiagnosed mental illness).
It’s always hard to review bios as you feel like you’re giving a rating on someone’s life experiences. In this case, my rating is a bit of both.
Basically, while I understand a lot of things that happened in this book were not the author’s fault, I found absolutely nothing redeeming about him and couldn’t understand why the book has be so well received. I have read a lot of refugee stories, some including child soldiers (like A Long Way Gone and Songs of a War Boy, which I liked much better). But this one just really annoyed me. I’m very against alcohol and drug use so maybe that was my problem.
Overall it was just an unpleasant read because of all the recklessness and self-destructive behaviours (which I guess gives exposure to how unpleasant it can be living with PTSD and a misdiagnosed mental illness).
November 1, 2020
This book was one of many I have read regarding child soldiers and trauma from being exposed to war.
I felt that Ayik was able to write in a style that made him detach, so he was able to openly detail some harrowing and extreme experiences that were torturous. Although reading it, I felt extremely moved and heartbroken for him, because he was able to detach, I did not connect as deeply as I have with other similar memoirs, but that could be as I was reading other books at the same time as this and might not have connected as deeply.
I really enjoyed learning about Ayik's life once he arrived in Australia and the deeply concerning difficulties he had during school, with no English and limited education. His constant persistence to strive is commendable and I was so proud to see him try over and over again. It was also humbling to read the adjustment difficulties, leading to crime, substance and alcohol use, and the very late diagnosis of PTSD, and how Ayik had formed such maladaptive coping mechanisms to manage his PTSD until formally diagnosed.
it was great to have a happy ending in this book and see that Ayik is striving in his career and supporting others within his local community. Overall a really good read to be able to better understand the mindset, experiences and trauma that many refugees and migrants arriving on our shores have faced, and for Australians to be much more mindful of how we would like to be treated if we were in a similar situation.
I felt that Ayik was able to write in a style that made him detach, so he was able to openly detail some harrowing and extreme experiences that were torturous. Although reading it, I felt extremely moved and heartbroken for him, because he was able to detach, I did not connect as deeply as I have with other similar memoirs, but that could be as I was reading other books at the same time as this and might not have connected as deeply.
I really enjoyed learning about Ayik's life once he arrived in Australia and the deeply concerning difficulties he had during school, with no English and limited education. His constant persistence to strive is commendable and I was so proud to see him try over and over again. It was also humbling to read the adjustment difficulties, leading to crime, substance and alcohol use, and the very late diagnosis of PTSD, and how Ayik had formed such maladaptive coping mechanisms to manage his PTSD until formally diagnosed.
it was great to have a happy ending in this book and see that Ayik is striving in his career and supporting others within his local community. Overall a really good read to be able to better understand the mindset, experiences and trauma that many refugees and migrants arriving on our shores have faced, and for Australians to be much more mindful of how we would like to be treated if we were in a similar situation.
June 17, 2020
A definite MUST READ inspiring true story of not only a survivor of war as a child soldier in Ayik Chut Deng's homeland Sudan and surrounding countries. But also his journey of overcoming PTSD and his road to recovery from addiction in the modern world Australia.
June 9, 2020
Daniel/Ayik lays his soul bare in this moving memoir. He shares the horrors of his life as a child soldier in Sudan - the torture and hardship he endured is shocking. He doesn't hide from the truth - he wanted to pick up a gun and fight for his country. What happened in training, and when he was actually handed the AK-47, is nothing like what he thought it would be. He spent time in refugee camps, lost his family, to find them again. Eventually he comes to Australia as a refugee - landing in Toowoomba. His attempts to understand Australian life and culture, and his difficulties fitting in, are shared in detail. I learned that kissing isn't a thing in Africa. Daniel found it disgusting when he first saw it. Why would people do that?, he thinks. I had no idea that kissing was more of a western concept. His difficulties adjusting and a false diagnosis of schizophrenia make his young life even harder. He self medicates with drugs and alcohol, becomes a dealer, goes well off the rails. His dreams of being an actor, which stemmed from his dream as a boy to be a famous Dinka singer - singing folk songs about his cattle and his herdsman life - are lost as he descends into a life of crime and alcohol dependency. When eventually his PTSD is recognised, he pulls himself back from the brink. His determination to give up all the things that held him back, and his desire to be a good father, are inspiring. As he says at the end of the book, "Hell, if someone as crazy as me can come through the fire and out the other side, then there is hope for anyone". I don't think he gives himself enough credit, but he does have a good point. Many of us will never endure the horrors he did, so we have no excuse!
November 24, 2020
I picked this book up on a whim because I like supporting local authors, but it ended up being so incredible. I finished it in a day!! Ayik Chut Deng tells his story simply. This isn't a book for of torturous descriptions of tragedy that turn your stomach, but that doesn't mean it won't pack a punch.
As a child Ayik loves his life, the cattle, the community, but then the second Sudanese civil war comes. As little kids with no idea are wont to do, he romanticises what fighting for his country might look like and begs to be allowed to be trained by the rebels. Eventually he gets his wish and he realises exactly what it is that he's asked for.
Eventually, Ayik gets out of Sudan and to Australia, but while he can leave his land behind he can't outrun his trauma. This book is an honest telling of Ayik's struggles with mental health and addiction as well as his violence and criminal behaviour. He doesn't shy away at looking at the darkest parts of himself and his life, and as he does so we get a better understanding of what war does to a child and how deep those scars can run.
This book was raw, truthful and human. I have a better understanding of what life can look like for child soldiers and the importance of proper mental health services for everyone in our community who needs them.
I hope Ayik and his two children are doing well, I know I'll think of them often after reading this book.
As a child Ayik loves his life, the cattle, the community, but then the second Sudanese civil war comes. As little kids with no idea are wont to do, he romanticises what fighting for his country might look like and begs to be allowed to be trained by the rebels. Eventually he gets his wish and he realises exactly what it is that he's asked for.
Eventually, Ayik gets out of Sudan and to Australia, but while he can leave his land behind he can't outrun his trauma. This book is an honest telling of Ayik's struggles with mental health and addiction as well as his violence and criminal behaviour. He doesn't shy away at looking at the darkest parts of himself and his life, and as he does so we get a better understanding of what war does to a child and how deep those scars can run.
This book was raw, truthful and human. I have a better understanding of what life can look like for child soldiers and the importance of proper mental health services for everyone in our community who needs them.
I hope Ayik and his two children are doing well, I know I'll think of them often after reading this book.
September 24, 2020
All respect to those who have lived such a horrific and traumatic life as 'a boy soldier.' The resilience and strength of 'The Lost Boy' has opened my eyes and my mind in what trauma is truly defined as. It saddens me that there are those that are born in such a country which comes cruelty and inhumane violence. Ayik Chut Deng has the strength and confidence to tell his recollection of what it was like to go through such a painful journey to get to Australia from South Sudan. He is a man who can help educate others and create a sense of new identity in a foreign country 'Australia '. An incredible story Ayik Chut Deng. You have given others hope that it is possible to recover and continue a positive journey to some sense of freedom within and forgiveness of others. A well written book that has made me reflect in a deep sense of those who are not given the same equal opportunities as others within society. Thanks for telling your story Ayik Chut Deng.
December 26, 2021
Wow, what a distressing and important story. Ayik's childhood in Africa is such a stark contrast to all that is familiar to me, from walking around naked, being constantly hungry, jealous of other kids who have AK47's, kidnapping and torture. The first half is incredibly distressing, I cannot comprehend his suffering and what he saw on a daily basis. The second half is much more lighthearted, with some excellent humor. This half of the story takes an interesting turn and the conclusion had me in tears.
Thank you Ayik, for opening my eyes and mind to the plight and suffering of child soldiers and refugees who come to Australia, mental health issues and understanding more about your culture.
Thank you Ayik, for opening my eyes and mind to the plight and suffering of child soldiers and refugees who come to Australia, mental health issues and understanding more about your culture.
November 11, 2022
Well worth the time. A tip for those who don't know the story: skip the foreword - it's a spoiler! I have learned not to look through all of the photos in memoirs that are in middle the of the book because they are usually spoilers. In this book, they are not, and I have to believe that was intentional as there must be some goods ones somewhere out there that relate to the latter part and end. But then someone decided to allow the foreword that way it is; skip it and go back later, if you want.
August 31, 2020
Really interesting to hear about the life of a child soldier, and how he adjusted to life in Australia. I'm so glad he was able to pull his life together, despite all the difficulties and wrong turns he took along the way. Gives a bit of an understanding to how Sudanese kids struggle adjusting to Aussie school life, with the language barrier and cultural differences, and how their life can go off track as a result.
January 20, 2022
Just really struggled with the second half of this book after he arrived in Australia. Maybe the path he went down is partly a reflection of the minimal support for refugees, who knows... The misdiagnosis of schizophrenia was shocking. However, to me it didn't fully explain the destructive behaviours, domestic violence and putting others lives at risk, especially the drink driving. Full of expressions of "felt bad about it" after the fact, as do many domestic violence perpetrators.
June 6, 2023
Ayiks story is one mostly of sadness and struggles. Coming to Australia didn't seem to help him find a better life, but hitting rock bottom did though.
January 8, 2025
This book is fucked up but so good
April 16, 2022
Ayik Chut had a harrowing childhood and although he escaped much of the fighting during the South Sudanese war of independence, his is a story marked by suffering as well as the extraordinary providence of rescue. Sadly, he does not, at least in this book, acknowledge the source of that protection and rescue. Still it is an amazing story and a testament to the resilience of the human spirit.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews