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How to not commit suicide
"As most titles, slightly misguiding: it is about how to live; pleasantly as well. For you might not commit suicide, but live a sad life. That's not enough. It's on how to live; pleasantly as well."
"This isn’t a book on how to look cool or have finesse on social occasions. That would a lie, like hiding your anxiety. It’s about something essentially deeper."
"This isn’t a book on how to look cool or have finesse on social occasions. That would a lie, like hiding your anxiety. It’s about something essentially deeper."
- GenresPhilosophy
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Published June 20, 2019
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July 3, 2019
So, how to make friends?
Step one: get out of the house. Think of the places you can be more relaxed, and people won’t feel “successful”: bus stop is good or hospitals. People can look human there. Try to have actual encounters, and not social media. A cafeteria might be more difficult. People may see it like social life there. Trying to look cool; success. In social life, there is success and failure. You care how others see you. Don’t be pushy though. If you scare them, look step four. Just look at people . Don’t need to talk. Smile a bit, so it’s not creepy (though creepy actually means romantic, observe the world, think more than talking or doing: romanticism has nothing to do with “couples”; it’s a situation about yourself). Maybe slightly wave. If you have any, offer them a cookie! Or start singing a song. Sign language also works.
You don’t need a reason to go out; to be justified; in order to do something specific. Just go out for nothing: walk, sit in places, see, get used to the world; maybe act busy at times; so, you don’t seem that weird!
Step two: be truthful, sentimental, and honest. Don’t care if you can be harmed. What really keeps you from having friends is that you reject it. Maybe you are waiting for these perfect, “successful”, friends; but it’s all people. If you think people you know aren't good enough, and you are waiting for someone better: it's not them, but you. After one moment you could simply see them as good enough, interesting. Waiting for someone better to attach is success: you think the “common” will take advantage of the randomness of your interaction (even just in their head, not actually do something to get success of their own). Discard your sociality, idea of success. If you don’t feel you can be betrayed, nothing can betray you: it’s a signification; your signification.
Step three: think as them. Those you meet. Think that maybe they too want someone to come to them and say “do you want to be better-than-friends with me ?”. That’s what you’d love too. Someone (interesting) to come to you. It will most likely never happen; but you can do it for someone else. And the result will be the same: two people will have someone new in their lives. It helps if you have (romantically) thought of situations, conversations. Maybe you remember some stuff from what you say when you think of others (see Whom to think). Or from a movie. Something that sounds interesting. Even if you look silly, that could interest them.
Step four: ok, maybe it’ll be a bit weird to suddenly tell someone “do you want to be…?”. Just talk to people, propose stuff. They’ll find it weird, as you’re a complete stranger, but remember to think “what if I were them?”. Which would be the reason to respond like that? Most likely sentimental defense, which means they need you. That kind of thinking could make it easier (or possible at last) to make the first move. The other explanation would be they think you’re dangerous, which is also optimistic: they think you are one of the dangerous people on this planet, while you know you are not. So, this planet is less scary for you. One less dangerous: maybe there aren’t any (See How to murder…, Sessions…, About abuse). If you convince them you are sensitive, it will get more optimistic for them too. Don’t need to be pushy. Don’t need to make friends with everyone you approach. Just seem human; if you can! Maybe you should seem deliberately needy as well. Ask as favors, to participate in some activity. Pushy in a kawaii way. Remember to try to be more sensitive, and not that loud. Though, it’s not bad, maybe in some examples of exceedance. It could release others too. Feel more free.
And then, you are out, and just see people pass by you. It happens so fast. How can you talk to them? No time. It’s not easy to start. But be there. Get used to it. At some point, you’ll have a good chance (feel like you have a good chance: it’s you; chances are the same). Someone who looks (or somehow feels) more approachable . If you find the first (maybe a weak one!), then they can help you to approach more.
You can say the first words. Maybe even something deliberately silly. Or from a movie. From something you really like, so you feel justified to say it. Even if (you think) others found it stupid, you were still justified to say it. You don’t doubt it, as it’s too cool (for you). This (feeling of justification) doesn’t make much sense, but sentiments don’t: it will just help you actually do something.
Step five: after you interact with some people, are around them on occasions, make a lot of eye contact. Show your sensitivity/ vulnerability (“so all people are like this?”). Ask them for a hug. Build trust. Talk without thinking of it. Just be there. Think of your “world” with them. And if they hurt you —or you hurt them—, this is a great opportunity to de-demonize villainy. Talk about it. Choose to trust the same person again. Eventually, have many deep people in your life. Each new one, makes life more interesting. But find time to connect with all of them. Not just quantity; deepness too. Just look them in the eyes for a while; or touch; no talking; connect deeper. Just ask: “I want to do something with you. What interests you at the time?” And one request: I guess you can watch movies with other people, but please don’t talk at all until the end. If the movie is not terrible, it’ll be easy. Try to trust, connect with the movie, and not be judgmental from the start. Just like with humans.
“Say after me: ‘it’s no better to be safe than sorry’ ”.
Step six: multiply. And make it easier for others, who are just starting the process, or haven’t been that successful. Remember to trust and re-trust, in case they harm you. It’s most likely out of defense or their own sensitivity. In any case, I assure you they’re humans, hence, can’t hurt you.
Step one: get out of the house. Think of the places you can be more relaxed, and people won’t feel “successful”: bus stop is good or hospitals. People can look human there. Try to have actual encounters, and not social media. A cafeteria might be more difficult. People may see it like social life there. Trying to look cool; success. In social life, there is success and failure. You care how others see you. Don’t be pushy though. If you scare them, look step four. Just look at people . Don’t need to talk. Smile a bit, so it’s not creepy (though creepy actually means romantic, observe the world, think more than talking or doing: romanticism has nothing to do with “couples”; it’s a situation about yourself). Maybe slightly wave. If you have any, offer them a cookie! Or start singing a song. Sign language also works.
You don’t need a reason to go out; to be justified; in order to do something specific. Just go out for nothing: walk, sit in places, see, get used to the world; maybe act busy at times; so, you don’t seem that weird!
Step two: be truthful, sentimental, and honest. Don’t care if you can be harmed. What really keeps you from having friends is that you reject it. Maybe you are waiting for these perfect, “successful”, friends; but it’s all people. If you think people you know aren't good enough, and you are waiting for someone better: it's not them, but you. After one moment you could simply see them as good enough, interesting. Waiting for someone better to attach is success: you think the “common” will take advantage of the randomness of your interaction (even just in their head, not actually do something to get success of their own). Discard your sociality, idea of success. If you don’t feel you can be betrayed, nothing can betray you: it’s a signification; your signification.
Step three: think as them. Those you meet. Think that maybe they too want someone to come to them and say “do you want to be better-than-friends with me ?”. That’s what you’d love too. Someone (interesting) to come to you. It will most likely never happen; but you can do it for someone else. And the result will be the same: two people will have someone new in their lives. It helps if you have (romantically) thought of situations, conversations. Maybe you remember some stuff from what you say when you think of others (see Whom to think). Or from a movie. Something that sounds interesting. Even if you look silly, that could interest them.
Step four: ok, maybe it’ll be a bit weird to suddenly tell someone “do you want to be…?”. Just talk to people, propose stuff. They’ll find it weird, as you’re a complete stranger, but remember to think “what if I were them?”. Which would be the reason to respond like that? Most likely sentimental defense, which means they need you. That kind of thinking could make it easier (or possible at last) to make the first move. The other explanation would be they think you’re dangerous, which is also optimistic: they think you are one of the dangerous people on this planet, while you know you are not. So, this planet is less scary for you. One less dangerous: maybe there aren’t any (See How to murder…, Sessions…, About abuse). If you convince them you are sensitive, it will get more optimistic for them too. Don’t need to be pushy. Don’t need to make friends with everyone you approach. Just seem human; if you can! Maybe you should seem deliberately needy as well. Ask as favors, to participate in some activity. Pushy in a kawaii way. Remember to try to be more sensitive, and not that loud. Though, it’s not bad, maybe in some examples of exceedance. It could release others too. Feel more free.
And then, you are out, and just see people pass by you. It happens so fast. How can you talk to them? No time. It’s not easy to start. But be there. Get used to it. At some point, you’ll have a good chance (feel like you have a good chance: it’s you; chances are the same). Someone who looks (or somehow feels) more approachable . If you find the first (maybe a weak one!), then they can help you to approach more.
You can say the first words. Maybe even something deliberately silly. Or from a movie. From something you really like, so you feel justified to say it. Even if (you think) others found it stupid, you were still justified to say it. You don’t doubt it, as it’s too cool (for you). This (feeling of justification) doesn’t make much sense, but sentiments don’t: it will just help you actually do something.
Step five: after you interact with some people, are around them on occasions, make a lot of eye contact. Show your sensitivity/ vulnerability (“so all people are like this?”). Ask them for a hug. Build trust. Talk without thinking of it. Just be there. Think of your “world” with them. And if they hurt you —or you hurt them—, this is a great opportunity to de-demonize villainy. Talk about it. Choose to trust the same person again. Eventually, have many deep people in your life. Each new one, makes life more interesting. But find time to connect with all of them. Not just quantity; deepness too. Just look them in the eyes for a while; or touch; no talking; connect deeper. Just ask: “I want to do something with you. What interests you at the time?” And one request: I guess you can watch movies with other people, but please don’t talk at all until the end. If the movie is not terrible, it’ll be easy. Try to trust, connect with the movie, and not be judgmental from the start. Just like with humans.
“Say after me: ‘it’s no better to be safe than sorry’ ”.
Step six: multiply. And make it easier for others, who are just starting the process, or haven’t been that successful. Remember to trust and re-trust, in case they harm you. It’s most likely out of defense or their own sensitivity. In any case, I assure you they’re humans, hence, can’t hurt you.
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