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Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage
How Christian couples can understand their personality types--and build a more powerful bond of love.
He doesn't listen to me . . . I don't understand her . . . Why do we keep having the same fight?
If you've ever felt baffled by the person you married, join Enneagram Coach Beth McCord and her husband, Pastor Jeff McCord, as they pull back the curtain to reveal why you and your spouse behave in different ways. Applying the Enneagram through the lens of the gospel, they provide practical steps, insights, and tools to better understand yourself and each other. This book will help you:
Answer the question, "Why do they do that?"
Stop committing "assumicide" about each other's motives and dramatically improve your communication
Relate to your spouse in ways they actually understand
Awaken a tired marriage that feels like it's on cruise control
Defuse conflict before it starts, especially the same old "dance"
Enjoy your spouse again, even if you've loved each other for years!
Whether you're preparing for marriage or celebrating a fiftieth anniversary, Becoming Us will revolutionize the way you understand yourself and your spouse, and transform your marriage into the powerful, loving, and satisfying relationship that God intended.
"An insightful resource for those who want to understand themselves, their spouse, and their marriage through the lens of faith and the tool of the Enneagram." --Ian Morgan Cron, Enneagram expert and author of The Road Back to You
He doesn't listen to me . . . I don't understand her . . . Why do we keep having the same fight?
If you've ever felt baffled by the person you married, join Enneagram Coach Beth McCord and her husband, Pastor Jeff McCord, as they pull back the curtain to reveal why you and your spouse behave in different ways. Applying the Enneagram through the lens of the gospel, they provide practical steps, insights, and tools to better understand yourself and each other. This book will help you:
Answer the question, "Why do they do that?"
Stop committing "assumicide" about each other's motives and dramatically improve your communication
Relate to your spouse in ways they actually understand
Awaken a tired marriage that feels like it's on cruise control
Defuse conflict before it starts, especially the same old "dance"
Enjoy your spouse again, even if you've loved each other for years!
Whether you're preparing for marriage or celebrating a fiftieth anniversary, Becoming Us will revolutionize the way you understand yourself and your spouse, and transform your marriage into the powerful, loving, and satisfying relationship that God intended.
"An insightful resource for those who want to understand themselves, their spouse, and their marriage through the lens of faith and the tool of the Enneagram." --Ian Morgan Cron, Enneagram expert and author of The Road Back to You
265 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 2, 2019
796 people are currently reading
2305 people want to read
About the author
Beth McCord
22 books95 followersBeth McCord, founder of Your Enneagram Coach, has been an Enneagram speaker, coach, and teacher for more than fifteen years. Having been trained by the best Enneagram experts and pouring hundreds of hours into advanced certifications, Beth is passionate about coming alongside individuals and helping them rewrite their story, allowing them to see that lasting change, meaningful relationships, and a life of deep purpose are possible. Beth lives outside of Nashville and has been married to her best friend, Jeff, for 23 years, and they have two teenage children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 172 reviews
September 29, 2019
☕ So glad I got to pre-read this new title from @yourenneagramcoach (Beth McCord and her husband Jeff).
☕ This is a true Gospel-based/centered, birds-eye-view, Christ-pursuing view of the Enneagram and the way it can bless our lives and relationships.
☕ Beth and Jeff unpack their relationship as well as some of the interactions of their closest friends, to get to what is at the core of each type (fear, desire, weakness, and longing) in a concise way. They also help us to relate to each other. You can use the toolbox in the back to understand yourself better, and to understand your spouse, but also to understand your parents, your co-worker, your best friend. It's applicable across the board, and I really appreciate that section! Swipe right to see the beginning of an "understanding me" from the toolbox, and an "understanding them."
☕ This is a great reference book for any Enneagram aficionado or Enneagram beginner, or anyone along that continuum. It releases this Tuesday, October 1st, but a pre-order will get you some fantastic bonuses, so go check it out at your favorite book retailer.
#bookreview #becomingusbook #yourenneagramcoach #Enneagram #type2 #type8 #becomingus #launchteam
☕ This is a true Gospel-based/centered, birds-eye-view, Christ-pursuing view of the Enneagram and the way it can bless our lives and relationships.
☕ Beth and Jeff unpack their relationship as well as some of the interactions of their closest friends, to get to what is at the core of each type (fear, desire, weakness, and longing) in a concise way. They also help us to relate to each other. You can use the toolbox in the back to understand yourself better, and to understand your spouse, but also to understand your parents, your co-worker, your best friend. It's applicable across the board, and I really appreciate that section! Swipe right to see the beginning of an "understanding me" from the toolbox, and an "understanding them."
☕ This is a great reference book for any Enneagram aficionado or Enneagram beginner, or anyone along that continuum. It releases this Tuesday, October 1st, but a pre-order will get you some fantastic bonuses, so go check it out at your favorite book retailer.
#bookreview #becomingusbook #yourenneagramcoach #Enneagram #type2 #type8 #becomingus #launchteam
February 4, 2024
I really enjoyed this as it combines two of my favorite topics: marriage and the enneagram!😍
Lots of underlining and definitely a book you want to have a hard copy of!
Even if you’re not very familiar with the enneagram, they take the beginning pages to explain it in a nutshell. (There’s always more to learn with the enneagram 😁)
The last 70 pages are an excellent reference section going through each number’s core motivations, communication style, strengths, weaknesses, wings, etc.
My favorite chapter was on conflict and hope! So many nuggets of truth.
Throughout they talk about aligning yourself with the gospel, which I understand what they’re saying but I know many people who believe they are “aligned with the gospel” but have glaring blind spots. Not sure if there would be another way to explain this or not. I learned more about myself as a 2 and my husband who is a 6!
So grateful for this resource!
📖 “Committing assumicide is so easy to do, because we truly believe everyone sees the world from our perspective, which we believe is the correct perspective, right?”
📖 “We have inherited from our families, very different ways of coping with problems.”
📖 “We are doing more than walking in their shoes. We are understanding what motivates them, and why they are doing what they are doing. And hopefully that understanding inclines our heart toward compassion and the desire to extend grace.”
📖 “Research shows that the majority of conflicts are because of personality differences and differing interpretations of life issues.”
📖 “Much of the time, the root of conflict comes from not truly knowing and understanding the heart of our spouse and their motivations, and insisting that our point of view be seen as right. We believe our goals and interests are the right path.”
📖 “Conflict is not something to be avoided, but rather the opportunity for us to experience the grace of God in a new way, for the both of us not just the one who has failed.
📖 “You cannot strain infinite kindness. You cannot tax eternal mercy. And you cannot push God so hard that he decides you are not worth it.” ❤️
Lots of underlining and definitely a book you want to have a hard copy of!
Even if you’re not very familiar with the enneagram, they take the beginning pages to explain it in a nutshell. (There’s always more to learn with the enneagram 😁)
The last 70 pages are an excellent reference section going through each number’s core motivations, communication style, strengths, weaknesses, wings, etc.
My favorite chapter was on conflict and hope! So many nuggets of truth.
Throughout they talk about aligning yourself with the gospel, which I understand what they’re saying but I know many people who believe they are “aligned with the gospel” but have glaring blind spots. Not sure if there would be another way to explain this or not. I learned more about myself as a 2 and my husband who is a 6!
So grateful for this resource!
📖 “Committing assumicide is so easy to do, because we truly believe everyone sees the world from our perspective, which we believe is the correct perspective, right?”
📖 “We have inherited from our families, very different ways of coping with problems.”
📖 “We are doing more than walking in their shoes. We are understanding what motivates them, and why they are doing what they are doing. And hopefully that understanding inclines our heart toward compassion and the desire to extend grace.”
📖 “Research shows that the majority of conflicts are because of personality differences and differing interpretations of life issues.”
📖 “Much of the time, the root of conflict comes from not truly knowing and understanding the heart of our spouse and their motivations, and insisting that our point of view be seen as right. We believe our goals and interests are the right path.”
📖 “Conflict is not something to be avoided, but rather the opportunity for us to experience the grace of God in a new way, for the both of us not just the one who has failed.
📖 “You cannot strain infinite kindness. You cannot tax eternal mercy. And you cannot push God so hard that he decides you are not worth it.” ❤️
August 30, 2019
I love that Beth McCord, an Enneagram coach, chose to write a specific book for marriage based on Christian principles. As I consider the topic more and more, I recognize that filtering marriage + Enneagram through a Christian worldview produces an enlightening and highly applicable text for those believers who want to not only stay married but happily stay married. Some can be rather hard on tools like the Enneagram as they relate to "self-discovery," but I'm going to argue that figuring out what makes you tick--being reflective and sober-minded as you do so--brings great value to a marriage, a family, a community of friends, as well as a workplace.
Beth and her husband Jeff have authored a book that has two sections. Part One explains marriage, its potential struggles, and how the Enneagram can better serve married partners (and oh yes, it does all this in light of the gospel of Christ), while Part Two is what they call an "Enneagram roadmap." While the first half was refreshing to read--"hey, these struggles sound awfully familiar!"--it wasn't anything particularly new to me as I've been working hard on marriage topics in light of the gospel for 20+ years now and I fully believe personality differences are a huge factor in marital happiness. The second half of the book is delightfully arranged, even color-coded, and is very insightful. I expect I'll utilize this portion as a resource time and time again to both help me ingest more personal understanding and to help point others to the joys and struggles of their unique personalities as well.
When my husband and I went through premarital counseling we used a tool to help discover our similarities and differences. I remember a few details but honestly it didn't feel pertinent or very applicable into our marriage. Eventually we landed on the Myers-Briggs assessment and it lit up our worlds. We laughed more over those results for more years than I can even remember because we were (are!) polar opposites. He and I were not at all cut from the same cloth--and boy were our early years explosive as a result. The Enneagram is bit difference however, as it's the first tool we've found that addresses our core motivations in life. I don't think it's a perfect tool and I go through Ennea-exhaustion after reading too much Ennea-material. But I've read quite a bit and, over the course of two separate summers with two separate therapists exploring two not-so separate issues, I've landed on believing that the Enneagram has more merit than any other mere personality test. And for this reason--and because human beings are quite frankly very complicated--I recommend McCord's book as a valuable resource to marriages built on biblical truths.
Beth and her husband Jeff have authored a book that has two sections. Part One explains marriage, its potential struggles, and how the Enneagram can better serve married partners (and oh yes, it does all this in light of the gospel of Christ), while Part Two is what they call an "Enneagram roadmap." While the first half was refreshing to read--"hey, these struggles sound awfully familiar!"--it wasn't anything particularly new to me as I've been working hard on marriage topics in light of the gospel for 20+ years now and I fully believe personality differences are a huge factor in marital happiness. The second half of the book is delightfully arranged, even color-coded, and is very insightful. I expect I'll utilize this portion as a resource time and time again to both help me ingest more personal understanding and to help point others to the joys and struggles of their unique personalities as well.
When my husband and I went through premarital counseling we used a tool to help discover our similarities and differences. I remember a few details but honestly it didn't feel pertinent or very applicable into our marriage. Eventually we landed on the Myers-Briggs assessment and it lit up our worlds. We laughed more over those results for more years than I can even remember because we were (are!) polar opposites. He and I were not at all cut from the same cloth--and boy were our early years explosive as a result. The Enneagram is bit difference however, as it's the first tool we've found that addresses our core motivations in life. I don't think it's a perfect tool and I go through Ennea-exhaustion after reading too much Ennea-material. But I've read quite a bit and, over the course of two separate summers with two separate therapists exploring two not-so separate issues, I've landed on believing that the Enneagram has more merit than any other mere personality test. And for this reason--and because human beings are quite frankly very complicated--I recommend McCord's book as a valuable resource to marriages built on biblical truths.
September 20, 2019
This is the fourth Enneagram book I have read in the past 12 months or so, and while some might expect a certain amount of “Ennea-burnout” by this point, this has not been the case for me, and I have truly appreciated each book for how it has presented the Enneagram from a unique perspective. Becoming Us is certainly no exception, and I believe its strength lies in the authors’ (husband and wife team Jeff and Beth McCord) willingness to be vulnerable and open with their marital struggles, illustrating how an understanding of the Enneagram has led to a better understanding of themselves, which has allowed their spousal communication to improve and thrive. Becoming Us provides the tools for couples to successfully navigate conflict and communication within their marriages.
Having said that, perhaps the most important message of the book concerns not how to use the Enneagram, but how NOT to use it. As Beth and Jeff quickly point out, the Enneagram is neither a shield for defending our poor behavior, nor is it a sword for cutting others down (“You’re a [insert number here] so you’re kind of the worst”).
The second part of the book is an “Enneagram Roadmap,” which includes the most in-depth, uniformly presented description of each type I’ve ever read. It outlines each type’s characteristics (Understanding Me) as well as how to best communicate with each type (Understanding Them). One of the best parts of each type’s roadmap is the Gospel Transformation section, which is such a wonderful reminder that no matter what your type is, all of our fears, desires, and needs can be met in Christ and only Him. When we look to temporal things to satisfy ourselves, we will always be left wanting more, but Christ’s free and perfect gift of salvation and His amazing love for us will fulfill all of our needs, completely and perfectly. Using the lens of the Enneagram, this reminder of Christ’s love for us is so helpful for when the stresses and fears of each number start to creep up and tempt us to give in to the less desirable parts of our personalities.
Having said that, perhaps the most important message of the book concerns not how to use the Enneagram, but how NOT to use it. As Beth and Jeff quickly point out, the Enneagram is neither a shield for defending our poor behavior, nor is it a sword for cutting others down (“You’re a [insert number here] so you’re kind of the worst”).
The second part of the book is an “Enneagram Roadmap,” which includes the most in-depth, uniformly presented description of each type I’ve ever read. It outlines each type’s characteristics (Understanding Me) as well as how to best communicate with each type (Understanding Them). One of the best parts of each type’s roadmap is the Gospel Transformation section, which is such a wonderful reminder that no matter what your type is, all of our fears, desires, and needs can be met in Christ and only Him. When we look to temporal things to satisfy ourselves, we will always be left wanting more, but Christ’s free and perfect gift of salvation and His amazing love for us will fulfill all of our needs, completely and perfectly. Using the lens of the Enneagram, this reminder of Christ’s love for us is so helpful for when the stresses and fears of each number start to creep up and tempt us to give in to the less desirable parts of our personalities.
August 26, 2019
This is the most complete explanation of the enneagram and how to apply it to relationships that I've read to date. The enneagram has shown me how to see and understand my spouse with more grace, but this book has given me direct actions to apply in our every day easy and stressed out interactions. I highly recommend it for relationships of all ages. This will be the cheapest, most effective therapy session you will ever receive.
January 29, 2020
❤️❤️❤️ I highly recommend reading this, especially right after The Road Back to You. Super insightful & helpful!
February 3, 2022
A really helpful look at the enneagram for those reasonably new to the tool. A helpful reflection and some good insight on how marriages can be strengthened and developed through using the enneagram, and also probably one of the better books I’ve read on the enneagram in the context of Christianity and the Gospel. If you’re super familiar with the enneagram then you may not necessarily find much new, but it is still helpful to be reminded of the nuances of each type.
April 20, 2020
READ THE COMPLETE REVIEW ON MY BLOG:
https://mynameislikeastory.wordpress....
This is the fourth book I have read about the Enneagram and, in my opinion, what makes it stand out from other books about the Enneagram (even Christian books) is that the Gospel, not the Enneagram, is the core of the book. I really value how Beth and Jeff initially make that clear in the Introduction: “The Enneagram is an insightful tool, but the Gospel is the transformation”. They reiterate all throughout the book that it is God who we have to turn to for meaningful change. The Enneagram is just a tool that can help us understand ourselves and our spouse better.
https://mynameislikeastory.wordpress....
This is the fourth book I have read about the Enneagram and, in my opinion, what makes it stand out from other books about the Enneagram (even Christian books) is that the Gospel, not the Enneagram, is the core of the book. I really value how Beth and Jeff initially make that clear in the Introduction: “The Enneagram is an insightful tool, but the Gospel is the transformation”. They reiterate all throughout the book that it is God who we have to turn to for meaningful change. The Enneagram is just a tool that can help us understand ourselves and our spouse better.
July 30, 2021
I quite enjoyed this book because it taught me how to use the enneagram from a Gospel perspective! It taught me how my enneagram (as well as my husbands) can help me understand the “why” behind my reactions. This book combines self awareness with a modern day personality assessment with the truth and freedom that comes from knowing Christ.
October 24, 2019
This was definitely written as a tool not a “how to”. Filled with great insight on each type. However there is more “how to use the book information” than actual information. The sections with information for the spouse for each type are the smallest sections.
September 23, 2019
What a treat! I was so fortunate to receive an Advanced Reader Copy of Becoming Us and have been delighted with their stories and all the information packed in the pages of this book. If you are new to the Enneagram and are looking for a Faith based approach, it is a great book to start with! It is directed to couples, but I believe every kind of relationship can benefit from this book.
If you are new to the Enneagram, this would be a great book to start with. They do a great job of explaining things without leaving you feeling overwhelmed. The layout of the book is great as well since you can flip to section 2 and read specific things about specific types when you want to easily access a piece of information. If you are continuing your journey with the Enneagram, I still highly recommend this book for you and your significant other as it is very relatable and again the layout is super helpful!
If you are new to the Enneagram, this would be a great book to start with. They do a great job of explaining things without leaving you feeling overwhelmed. The layout of the book is great as well since you can flip to section 2 and read specific things about specific types when you want to easily access a piece of information. If you are continuing your journey with the Enneagram, I still highly recommend this book for you and your significant other as it is very relatable and again the layout is super helpful!
February 22, 2022
DNF around p.60. The first part tells their personal story, then gives a lot of repetitive introduction. Honestly, it’s very monotonous and poorly written. It feels like they’re trying to sell you something, but they won’t actually come out and say what that something is. Part 2 is a little better. That’s where it starts to break down the types. Unfortunately each type gets about 4 pages of bullet points and infographics, and that’s it. It’s more like a reference than an actually examination of how to apply the Gospel to your type. You can find virtually the same info (in the same amount of detail) on their Instagram page.
Moderately helpful. But severely disappointing overall.
Moderately helpful. But severely disappointing overall.
December 23, 2019
Really helpful read in understanding enneagram to help with marriage relationship. The whole second part is the “road map”. It is so well designed and organized with all the different tenets to both understand yourself and your spouse. I took pictures of Tim and Is types to reference later. I think the roadmap would be helpful in understanding any relationships, not just marriage, so I would encourage singles to pick it up for reference too.
August 19, 2020
This is one of the best enneagram book I have ever read in relation to being a christian and applying this to your marriage. In the beginning the author explains how the enneagram is to be a tool and let God do the rest. It gives you a lot of AHA moments where it explains why their spouse reacted the way they did and how to better communicate going forward. Beth and Jeff breaks down the types so well it helps better understand you and your spouse and still point you to Jesus.
February 2, 2020
Practical and short. It was my entree to the enneagram world. Sparked good discussion between Rachel and I!
September 26, 2019
If you only buy one Enneagram book or are new to the Enneagram world....this is for you!!!
The best thing about this book is the practical, simple, yet profound way this book was written and organized. So many helpful truths about yourself and the relationships in your life. While this is written from a perspective of a spousal relationship, this book has helped me gain perspective on my personal and professional relationships... It makes it easier to interact with grace and love when you understand their core fears, desires, weaknesses and longings.
My spouse is not my most difficult relationship (married to an AMAZING and healthy 9), but I have people both personally and professionally who are more challenging. The back section of the book gives a thorough, yet easy to understand break down of each type and a whole section devoted to understanding a type that isn't your own.
This is an easy read (much easier to read than to apply...lol), written from a Gospel-centered perspective that thoroughly covers each type and how to love each type better. This will be a book that I read or reference over and over...THANK YOU, Beth and Jeff McCord!!!!
I'd give it 10 stars if I could!!
The best thing about this book is the practical, simple, yet profound way this book was written and organized. So many helpful truths about yourself and the relationships in your life. While this is written from a perspective of a spousal relationship, this book has helped me gain perspective on my personal and professional relationships... It makes it easier to interact with grace and love when you understand their core fears, desires, weaknesses and longings.
My spouse is not my most difficult relationship (married to an AMAZING and healthy 9), but I have people both personally and professionally who are more challenging. The back section of the book gives a thorough, yet easy to understand break down of each type and a whole section devoted to understanding a type that isn't your own.
This is an easy read (much easier to read than to apply...lol), written from a Gospel-centered perspective that thoroughly covers each type and how to love each type better. This will be a book that I read or reference over and over...THANK YOU, Beth and Jeff McCord!!!!
I'd give it 10 stars if I could!!
April 10, 2021
I’ve found the enneagram to be extremely helpful in understanding myself and others. Books on personality can sometimes preach the “self-knowledge will solve your deepest problems!!” idea, but this book was really refreshing in that it continually points the reader to Christ as the solution to our deepest problems (and the fulfillment of each type’s core longings) with the enneagram as a useful framework. I was really impressed because Becoming Us not only gave me a better understanding of myself and Heath, but also gave some solid marriage advice and constant reminders to depend on the Holy Spirit to align our personality with the Gospel. Even though I’ve been working through the enneagram for awhile now, I was still challenged by the authors’ explanation of my type (2) and literally teared up when reading about the struggles of Heath’s type (5) bc they did such a great job of explaining his perspective. Seriously so good for building empathy, understanding, and appreciation for your spouse! And also self-knowledge. And loving God more. All around 👍🏻😅
September 23, 2019
The enneagram is a great tool to help understand others and their motivations. Communicating with others in relationships can be tough, especially when you’re married to them. I loved the second half of this book where they go through each of the 9 types and describe what they are, what their motivations are, childhood tendencies, and how to relate to this type. It’s even color coded. The whole book is heavy on the gospel, as it says in the title. I found the first part a little bit repetitive and a tad heavy on religion.
September 29, 2019
Becoming Us is a true insight. I appreciate John and Beth’s emphasis on the transforming power of the gospel. Its message is shared so simply and not only helps you believe it for yourself, but also for your spouse. The guide in the second half of the book helped point me back to my true glory in Christ, and I now have eyes to see who He has created to be, and I can cheer my spouse on and contribute to his transformation in a healthy way! We’ve already used this book for a group of married young adults and it was a hit! We can’t wait to keep sharing with our friends!
June 27, 2021
Great insights in enneagram and marriage
September 2, 2019
Loved everything about this book! Beth and Jeff’s easily relatable and conversational, but is full of wisdom and truth. It is going to be a game changer for many marriages that pick up this book and just for relating to others in general.
September 21, 2019
This book was amazing. I can’t wait to read it WITH Nate sometime this winter. I found it insightful. The two of us have often said that “we are worth fighting with because we’re worth fighting FOR” and this book has helped me understand him and where he’s coming from in a lot of areas. It puts into words a lot of things I have thought but couldn’t quite verbalize. I recommend this book highly.
August 10, 2021
Good info, I just didn't learn a lot new
March 15, 2022
A reader friend shared Becoming Us on social media and I thought it looked interesting. I didn’t know anything about the Enneagram, but I love personality assessments, especially when they help you understand how to relate better with other people. I’ve usually done these in the work setting, but it’s even more fascinating when you can apply it to you and your spouse.
While reading the book, I took a free Enneagram test online to see what I was because I couldn’t figure it out based on the descriptions. I discovered that I’m an Enneagram Type 1 — The Moral Perfectionist. I’m not super thrilled with that label, but everything I read about it feels very much like me.
The book is Christian based, so it’s not for you if that’s not your thing. But I think it’s very helpful in learning why different personality types can clash in marriage and how to understand each other better. The more aware we are that the other person isn’t out to get us or intending to drive us crazy, that they just have a different perspective on things than we do, the better we can relate and communicate with them.
In the first part of the book (139 pages) the authors explain the Enneagram and tell personal stories of how it helped them and others in their lives. The rest of the book is an Enneagram Roadmap which breaks down each Enneagram Type and helps you better your Type and the Type of your spouse.
If you’re familiar with the Enneagram or you enjoy personality assessments like I do (and you are married), I recommend this book! I think it’s very insightful.
While reading the book, I took a free Enneagram test online to see what I was because I couldn’t figure it out based on the descriptions. I discovered that I’m an Enneagram Type 1 — The Moral Perfectionist. I’m not super thrilled with that label, but everything I read about it feels very much like me.
The book is Christian based, so it’s not for you if that’s not your thing. But I think it’s very helpful in learning why different personality types can clash in marriage and how to understand each other better. The more aware we are that the other person isn’t out to get us or intending to drive us crazy, that they just have a different perspective on things than we do, the better we can relate and communicate with them.
In the first part of the book (139 pages) the authors explain the Enneagram and tell personal stories of how it helped them and others in their lives. The rest of the book is an Enneagram Roadmap which breaks down each Enneagram Type and helps you better your Type and the Type of your spouse.
If you’re familiar with the Enneagram or you enjoy personality assessments like I do (and you are married), I recommend this book! I think it’s very insightful.
October 21, 2019
The index in the back was helpful for different combinations of enneagram numbers in a married but the writing was a little cheesy for my taste
October 14, 2019
A fairly surface-y, typical intro to the enneagram and how to use it in a “Gospel-centered” marriage.
October 4, 2019
I know my Enneagram number.
I am a Type 6.
Truth to tell, I was miss-typed as a Type 2 when I took a test/assessment the first time. I didn’t think much of it or do much with that information at first, but then as more resources came available I started to question my own Type.
Using a different assessment, I have learned I am accurately a Type 6. This information has been quite useful understanding my own motivations and reactions to situations – specifically stress.
When I learned the McCords were going to release a book on relationships, I jumped right on that.
I love learning about personality types [link to my own page] and how they interact. Learning our Love Languages [link] has greatly improved the communication within my marriage. I definitely wanted to learn more about interactions around my own type in addition to specifically within my close relationships.
In advance of this review, I asked MyHusband to take an assessment. He was typed as a 6. He is not.
Almost every teacher of the Enneagram will encourage you to read up on all the types and feel which one is most closely align with your own beliefs, actions, and motivations. There are tests and assessments, but often the questions are too nuanced to always result in a conclusive result.
For reference: MyHusband is a Type 9, which goes to 6 in stress, which is probably what he was feeling when he was answering the questions of the assessment.
Book Review
Divided into two sections, this book provides so much useful information, resources, and guidance.
Part 1 contains the back story, the overview, the why, and the help in understanding each type.
Written in tandem, headings provide a clear sign of who is speaking. Playing off each other wonderfully and picking right up where the other stopped, reading through this part is like listening to a co-speaker presentation that has been seamlessly created and perfectly rehearsed.
Part 2 starts the deep-dive into each type and how to work with them, understand each type, and guidelines on how to affirm them and avoid deeply hurting them (with or without knowledge/intent).
SO GOOD!
Favorite Chapter
Chapter 1 - Assumicide
There are great stories and wisdom throughout the book. I chose this as my favorite chapter, because it is the one I identified with the most.
Who among us hasn’t assumed what they were thinking? How they were going to respond? Why even bother bringing it up, because I’ve already had this argument with you and lost [all in my head].
Stars 4.5
Would I Recommend? Yes
Extras
http://www.yourenneagramcoach.com
@yourenneagramcoach
I am a Type 6.
Truth to tell, I was miss-typed as a Type 2 when I took a test/assessment the first time. I didn’t think much of it or do much with that information at first, but then as more resources came available I started to question my own Type.
Using a different assessment, I have learned I am accurately a Type 6. This information has been quite useful understanding my own motivations and reactions to situations – specifically stress.
When I learned the McCords were going to release a book on relationships, I jumped right on that.
I love learning about personality types [link to my own page] and how they interact. Learning our Love Languages [link] has greatly improved the communication within my marriage. I definitely wanted to learn more about interactions around my own type in addition to specifically within my close relationships.
In advance of this review, I asked MyHusband to take an assessment. He was typed as a 6. He is not.
Almost every teacher of the Enneagram will encourage you to read up on all the types and feel which one is most closely align with your own beliefs, actions, and motivations. There are tests and assessments, but often the questions are too nuanced to always result in a conclusive result.
For reference: MyHusband is a Type 9, which goes to 6 in stress, which is probably what he was feeling when he was answering the questions of the assessment.
Book Review
Divided into two sections, this book provides so much useful information, resources, and guidance.
Part 1 contains the back story, the overview, the why, and the help in understanding each type.
Written in tandem, headings provide a clear sign of who is speaking. Playing off each other wonderfully and picking right up where the other stopped, reading through this part is like listening to a co-speaker presentation that has been seamlessly created and perfectly rehearsed.
Part 2 starts the deep-dive into each type and how to work with them, understand each type, and guidelines on how to affirm them and avoid deeply hurting them (with or without knowledge/intent).
SO GOOD!
Favorite Chapter
Chapter 1 - Assumicide
There are great stories and wisdom throughout the book. I chose this as my favorite chapter, because it is the one I identified with the most.
Who among us hasn’t assumed what they were thinking? How they were going to respond? Why even bother bringing it up, because I’ve already had this argument with you and lost [all in my head].
Stars 4.5
Would I Recommend? Yes
Extras
http://www.yourenneagramcoach.com
@yourenneagramcoach
October 1, 2019
If you're curious about the Enneagram, are looking for new material on the Enneagram, or have never heard of the Enneagram and just want to help grow your marriage, Becoming Us is just the book you're looking for! Enneagram coach Beth McCord and her husband Pastor Jeff McCord have put together a wonderful, easy to use resource for anyone who wants practical steps and tools to better understand themselves, their spouse, or really anyone they have a relationship with (friends, parents, children, co-workers, etc).
The book is in two sections. The first section details Beth and Jeff's own story and how the Enneagram helped their marriage. They also share examples from friends whose lives and marriages have grown through learning about the Enneagram. The second section is what the authors call "an Enneagram Roadmap". It is a detailed guide of each Enneagram type (there are 9 total) that teaches the reader how to better understand him or herself and also how to better understand his or her spouse.
The first section gives a summary of the nine Enneagram types and what the core fear, desire, weakness, and longing of each is. It describes each type in detail, working from the core belief that each type equally reflects God's glory and creativity when it is emotionally and spiritually healthy and living in alignment with the Gospel. This section also discusses the layers of the Enneagram, including triads and wings. Don't worry about all these terms, they are thoroughly explained in the book.
The second section, the Enneagram Roadmap, is divided into two parts: Understanding Me and Understanding Them. It teaches how to understand your spouse (or other person you are in relationship with) better, how to recognize their behavior tendencies, their core motivations, and their communication and conflict styles. The main focus of this section is how you can best understand and love each other.
Beth and Jeff''s desire is for every marriage and every relationship to be thriving and Gospel-centered. Their mission is "for people to see themselves with astonishing clarity so they can break free from self-condemnation, fear and shame by knowing and experiencing the unconditional love, forgiveness, and freedom in Christ."
I am most impressed with the McCords and the work they put into this highly researched, well laid out book and I highly recommend it!
The book is in two sections. The first section details Beth and Jeff's own story and how the Enneagram helped their marriage. They also share examples from friends whose lives and marriages have grown through learning about the Enneagram. The second section is what the authors call "an Enneagram Roadmap". It is a detailed guide of each Enneagram type (there are 9 total) that teaches the reader how to better understand him or herself and also how to better understand his or her spouse.
The first section gives a summary of the nine Enneagram types and what the core fear, desire, weakness, and longing of each is. It describes each type in detail, working from the core belief that each type equally reflects God's glory and creativity when it is emotionally and spiritually healthy and living in alignment with the Gospel. This section also discusses the layers of the Enneagram, including triads and wings. Don't worry about all these terms, they are thoroughly explained in the book.
The second section, the Enneagram Roadmap, is divided into two parts: Understanding Me and Understanding Them. It teaches how to understand your spouse (or other person you are in relationship with) better, how to recognize their behavior tendencies, their core motivations, and their communication and conflict styles. The main focus of this section is how you can best understand and love each other.
Beth and Jeff''s desire is for every marriage and every relationship to be thriving and Gospel-centered. Their mission is "for people to see themselves with astonishing clarity so they can break free from self-condemnation, fear and shame by knowing and experiencing the unconditional love, forgiveness, and freedom in Christ."
I am most impressed with the McCords and the work they put into this highly researched, well laid out book and I highly recommend it!
December 17, 2019
The perfect balance of information, entertainment and application. Beth and Jeff have provided a powerfully useful guide to understanding yourself and your spouse through the Enneagram as well as tools for growing in your marriage. I heartily recommend this book to anyone who wants to better understand themselves, and who wants to “be transformed by the renewing of [his/her] mind” (Rom 12: 2) in order to be the spouse, parent, friend that God created them to be. The anecdotal stories are seamlessly balanced with instructional portions. This allowed me to understand the teaching on a personal level, rather than just holding the information in my brain as I am apt to do. It was also wonderful to see a couple that on the outside may appear to have a perfect Christian marriage and family be honest about their personality weaknesses (I refuse to call them flaws) and struggles, how this causes struggle and conflict within their marriage and family, and how they use their knowledge of how each other operates, through their knowledge of the Enneagram, to work through these struggles with grace to end at a more unified and healthy place. This, is a message full of hope.
Unlike the other books on the Enneagram that I have read, the McCords explained “childhood wounds” and core desires/fears as they related to perceived childhood wounds in a clear, understandable manner. This is hugely helpful to me in understanding my own motivations and also in helping me to provide grace to my husband when I do not immediately understand his motivations and actions.
My copy of this book has become marked up, dog-eared, and full of post-its. I find myself often referring to tagged pages to remind me of what I’ve learned and to help me navigate and understand my relationships. The second part of the book, the synopsis of each type, including how to understand yourself and how to navigate relationships of others with a particular type is the best quick reference to Enneagram types I’ve found. I especially love how it helps you to understand how to build others up, encourage them, and make them feel loved.
I’m really thankful that this book is printed on high quality, heavy paper because I’m not sure it would hold up to all my use if it wasn’t. I trust you will be just as thankful after you read it!
Unlike the other books on the Enneagram that I have read, the McCords explained “childhood wounds” and core desires/fears as they related to perceived childhood wounds in a clear, understandable manner. This is hugely helpful to me in understanding my own motivations and also in helping me to provide grace to my husband when I do not immediately understand his motivations and actions.
My copy of this book has become marked up, dog-eared, and full of post-its. I find myself often referring to tagged pages to remind me of what I’ve learned and to help me navigate and understand my relationships. The second part of the book, the synopsis of each type, including how to understand yourself and how to navigate relationships of others with a particular type is the best quick reference to Enneagram types I’ve found. I especially love how it helps you to understand how to build others up, encourage them, and make them feel loved.
I’m really thankful that this book is printed on high quality, heavy paper because I’m not sure it would hold up to all my use if it wasn’t. I trust you will be just as thankful after you read it!
Read
December 2, 2019As I was reading Becoming Us: Using the Enneagram to Create a Thriving Gospel-Centered Marriage, I was reminded of a sales call many years ago when I tried to control the conversation and talk “over” the prospect. I mean, I had to tell him about our product, didn’t I, or how would he ever consider it?
Seeing I wasn’t getting through, I recognized his personality type – a man who needed control himself. As soon as I let go and allowed him to dictate the meeting, good things happened. Shortly after, the prospect was a client.
Now comes a much more personal and spiritual application of understanding personality types. Authors Beth and Jeff McCord (she an Enneagram coach and he a pastor and mediator) have been married 24 years and, like most couples, have had their bumps along the way. Beth notes, for example, that early on in her marriage she was so desperate to make others happy, especially Jeff, she lost focus on her own happiness. “Losing myself wasn’t the right answer.” The couple needed help – they needed to better understand each other and how they related to each other.
By using the Enneagram personality type indicator and overlaying it in a solid foundation and belief in the Gospel, they not only have helped themselves but thousands and thousands of others to identify their unique personality types and apply them to their own relationships.
That’s what Becoming Us (Morgan James Publishing) is all about. It describes the story of Beth and Jeff, talks about the Enneagram and learning to discover your type, shows how to use it in identifying your own tendencies in concert with others, and acknowledges a devotion to the Gospel at the root of all harmony. Part 2 of the book is a detailed Enneagram Roadmap that goes into specifics about each of the nine primary personality types – how to identify them, what they mean, how they interact with others, and how they align with the Gospel.
The rest of the review: https://booktrib.com/2019/12/building...
Seeing I wasn’t getting through, I recognized his personality type – a man who needed control himself. As soon as I let go and allowed him to dictate the meeting, good things happened. Shortly after, the prospect was a client.
Now comes a much more personal and spiritual application of understanding personality types. Authors Beth and Jeff McCord (she an Enneagram coach and he a pastor and mediator) have been married 24 years and, like most couples, have had their bumps along the way. Beth notes, for example, that early on in her marriage she was so desperate to make others happy, especially Jeff, she lost focus on her own happiness. “Losing myself wasn’t the right answer.” The couple needed help – they needed to better understand each other and how they related to each other.
By using the Enneagram personality type indicator and overlaying it in a solid foundation and belief in the Gospel, they not only have helped themselves but thousands and thousands of others to identify their unique personality types and apply them to their own relationships.
That’s what Becoming Us (Morgan James Publishing) is all about. It describes the story of Beth and Jeff, talks about the Enneagram and learning to discover your type, shows how to use it in identifying your own tendencies in concert with others, and acknowledges a devotion to the Gospel at the root of all harmony. Part 2 of the book is a detailed Enneagram Roadmap that goes into specifics about each of the nine primary personality types – how to identify them, what they mean, how they interact with others, and how they align with the Gospel.
The rest of the review: https://booktrib.com/2019/12/building...
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