Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America

by Tony Silva

Why some straight men have sex with other men

Why do some straight men in rural America have sex with other men? In Still Straight, Tony Silva convincingly argues that these men--many of whom enjoy hunting, fishing, and shooting guns--are not gay, bisexual, or "just experimenting." As he shows, these men can enjoy a range of relationships with other men, from hookups to sexual friendships to secretive loving partnerships, all while strongly identifying with straight culture.

Drawing on riveting interviews with straight white men who live in rural America, Silva explores the fascinating, and unexpected, disconnect between sexual behavior and identity. Some use sex with men to bond with other men in an acceptably masculine way; some are not particularly attracted to men, but are wary of emotional attachment with women; and others view sex with men--as opposed to women--as a more acceptable form of extramarital sexual behavior.

Taking us inside the lives of straight white men who have sex with other men, Still Straight shows us that heterosexuality in rural America is not always, in fact, what it seems.

Genres: Nonfiction

272 pages, Hardcover

First published March 23, 2021

Reviews

[George Ilsley · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sociology is "science" right?

This book is perhaps intended for researchers or the academic market, and for this reader was too repetitive and boring. Let's just say, it's not very readable, and it could have been less than 10 pages long and covered all the material.

Silva interviewed 60 men, who identify as "straight MSM"—(straight men who have sex with men), and accepts their responses as honest and truthful. The format of the book is such that we never have a chance to really get to know any of these men as individuals; their responses are fragmented.

The researcher, a sociology professor, does not indulge in psychology, so there are many paradoxes and contradictions left unresolved and unexamined. For example, straight men believe so strongly in the sanctity of marriage, that they will have extramarital sex with other men because that is not cheating. Perhaps this is true, perhaps that is how they really think, but also perhaps that is a convenient excuse cloaking unexamined depths. Silva chooses to simply believe what he is told—by men practiced in deceptive and secretive behaviour.

Straight men believe being masculine is “normal.” Having sex with other straight men reinforces masculinity.

"Straight culture" is apparently largely unexamined despite it being the sea we all swim in.

My low rating reflects my level of boredom.
...

Goodreads ate my long thoughtful review!! Dangnabbit! Grrr.

[Jade · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read for class.
Like others have said, this book— while thorough and empathetic— is a bit repetitive. Silva repeats the stories of these men and their rationalizations for their behavior many times throughout the book, without adding much interesting analysis. Additionally, I am unsure how much I buy his argument about the majority of these men being straight identified MSM. In the subtext of the interviews, I found that it sounded a lot like these men were suffering because of their inability acknowledge their love for other men. While I do agree that some of them did have sex with men in order to simply get off— leaving them straight without a need to “come out”— others were truly in love and probably would benefit from coming out.

[Eli · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very repetitious in its main points—to the extent I felt deja vu while reading. I’m not sure how many times I read “having sex with other men made them feel like they weren’t cheating.” It makes a bevy of insightful arguments about identity vs orientation (i.e. “straight” is an identity, “heterosexuality” is an orientation.) It has to be this way as the book skims over the biggest takeaway—most of these men aren’t heterosexual. They identify as “straight” as it aligns with their cultural identities, but make no mistake, the individuals interviewed are heavily implied to be bisexual. When a man argues 70% of his attraction is female, it’s hard to argue his “straight” orientation.

And that’s where I feel a little conflicted. The author doesn’t really address this head on as much as he does other topics (like masculinity, masculinity, and, uh, masculinity). Some of these men casually drop epithets, but we aren’t really treated to the internalized homophobia clearly driving them. These men are not straight, despite the author saying otherwise. Maybe that’s a different book. Perhaps the exploration of rural-white masculinity is the only true point to be made here. However, if you’re looking for reasons straight men have sex with men, you’ll probably be a little surprised.

I did enjoy my time with this book, though! So much that I wrote my longest review. I found it fascinating the mental workouts these men did to rationalize feelings and anathema to their carefully constructed identities. I was also surprised by their lack of gendering sexual roles. I just wish these elucidating parts weren’t bogged down but needless repetition and lack of deep, psychological extrapolations.

[Colette Hawkins-williams · Rating 1 out of 5]

What the what??

These men harm themselves, their spouses and their kids. The writing was confusing and straight up ridiculous. The stories were selfish and very one sided. Men love anything with a whole.

[Clewchuk · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting ideas, but it became somewhat repetitive.

[Adella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this for a sociology class! Super interesting read about gay men in rural areas and how the use the dating app Grindr.

[Dustin Rollins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Earlier this year, I finally felt ready to hop back into sex research again after taking a much-needed break after finishing my Ph.D. and starting a few new jobs. It had been about two years since I really got back to the literature and started thinking about what was new. So many new field works have come out since the pandemic in 2020, and this is no exception. Silva's book was published in 2021. I remember beginning to read it but got busy, and it got tucked away. I am so glad I came back to this work. 
In the coming weeks, I will post a much more detailed perspective on the book, including notes and thoughts I had on my substack. You can subscribe (for FREE) to my substack at: sexualqueerness.substack.com 
Silva's book dives into the sexually fluid lives of white men in the rural parts of America. He explores why they have sex with men, what it means for their straight identity, the politics of straight culture in rural America, why they don't particularly want to identify as queer, and the reasons they select the men they do for their sexual adventures. 
The book is about a study Silva completed between 2014 and 2017 in which he interviewed sixty men living in Northern California, the Pacific Northwest, the Mountain West, and the Midwest. His qualitative detail and narrative are absolutely fascinating, well-researched, and well-written. 
His findings around straight culture and the idea of sexual flexibility without queer labels intrigued me throughout the monograph. His sociological approach was both interesting and inventive. This should be a read for anyone studying sexualities, particularly those interested in queer sexualities. Come over to my substack for the full details of my thoughts on this one.

[Alicia M. Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting read and very important work. Rich interviews and great analysis.

[Shahira8826 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bisexuality erasure is a real thing. Internalised homophobia is a real thing. Straight men willingly having sex with each other is not.