In many regards, this is an extremely important book – certainly for Wilde scholars and afficionados – and perhaps, more generally, also for people considering the impact of adult decision-making on the young people about whom the decisions are made.
Having said that, I think the writing style is pretty average. So I recommend it for what it does to complete the story of Oscar Wilde, not for any literary qualities.
Oscar Wilde graduated with a double-first from Oxford in 1878, also winning the Newdigate Prize for poetry in that year. He toured North America, giving public lectures in 1882. He married Constance Lloyd in 1884 and they had sons, Cyril in 1885, and Vyvyan in 1886. At around 1886 he seems to have been initiated into homosexuality by Robbie Ross. He was also becoming an adherent of aestheticism. Throughout this period he wrote a number of stories and journalism articles and some best-forgotten plays. In 1891 he was introduced to Lord Alfred Douglas, the boyishly epicene “Bosie”. He became enthralled to Bosie, living an extravagantly luxurious lifestyle and paying for it all himself. More to the point, the couple engaged in flamboyant sex, with each other, and with rent-boys. In the mid-1890s, Bosie’s father, the 9th Marquess of Queensberry, became aware of the relationship with Wilde and, a true “man’s man” (he was the individual who promulgated the rules for “ethical” boxing), was horrified by the damage this would do to the family reputation. After a number of altercations with both Wilde and Bosie, the Marquess left his card at Wilde’s club: “For Oscar Wilde posing Somdomite”. Bosie, as mentally unstable as his father whom he hated venomously, bullied Wilde into pursuing the Marquess on a charge of libel. The case excited great salacious interest throughout Britain; the trial resulted in no verdict but a retrial found against Wilde. Queensberry’s lawyers had used investigators to track down a number of young male prostitutes who testified, after inducements, that Wilde had had sex with them. This testimony was forwarded to Scotland Yard and resulted in Wilde’s trial for gross indecency, his conviction and his sentencing to two years’ imprisonment with hard labour in 1895.
Son of Oscar Wilde is written by Wilde’s second son, his first son having died in the 1914 war, and begins with a recounting of Oscar’s genealogy as well as a brief introduction to his life and, especially, his achievements.
Constance’s family had never been impressed with Wilde as her husband and they now quickly persuaded her to change her name, and move with Cyril and Vyvyan, to Europe. All three thereafter used the surname Holland, and Vyvyan Holland is the author of this book.
He writes of his mother’s family, “They were incurably middle-class and lived their lives by the strictest conventional code, so that my father’s notoriety and flamboyance must have offended all their instincts, particularly as my parents were married when the aesthetic period was at its height.”
Vyvyan writes fondly of his mother: “Throughout my early years there was one person who always made me happy, and that was my mother, whom I adored. I knew that she loved me too, but I was always conscious of the fact that both my father and my mother really preferred my brother to myself;… I was not as strong as my brother, and I had more than my fair share of childish complaints, which probably offended my father’s aesthetics. I was more sensitive than Cyril, who was a tough little animal with higher spirits than I possessed.”
“My mother was not stupid by any standard; she was a woman of considerable culture. She spoke French and Italian fluently, and much of her reading was done in those languages. She may not have had much sense of humour, but then she did not have very much to laugh about.”
Vyvyan also writes very fondly of his father: “It was only during these early years that I knew my father; after 1895 I never saw him again… Most small boys adored their fathers, and we adored ours; and as all good fathers are, he was a hero to us both. He was so tall and distinguished and, to our uncritical eyes, so handsome. There was nothing about him of the monster some people who never knew him and never even saw him tried to make him out to be. He was a real companion to us, and we always looked forward eagerly to his frequent visits to our nursery. Most parents in those days were far too solemn and pompous with their children, insisting on a vast amount of usually undeserved respect. My own father was quite different; he had so much of the child in his own nature that he delighted in playing our games. ” This, of course, was written many years later, when Holland knew all there was to know of Wilde’s life.
The story then moves to 1895 and the time of the trial and Oscar’s imprisonment, then 1897 and his release, bearing in mind that the boys had been born in 1885 and 1886 and so were very young throughout this period.
The boys were immediately withdrawn from their school; Holland wryly states that he does not know what his father’s plans were for their next school: “I am rather afraid that they would have inclined towards Eton.” At this stage Wilde’s name was covered over on signage at theatres and bookshops. And his books and plays were soon withdrawn altogether.
“I knew my father had been in trouble, (but) I was quite unaware of the nature of the offences with which he was charged until I was eighteen.” At eighteen he read the first of the biographies, by Robert Sherard, one of Oscar’s friends. “I was so depressed that I decided to read no more books about my father, no matter who wrote them; and to that resolution I adhered for many years. Even now I have read very few.”
Cyril’s situation was different. He saw, at the time of the trials, a placard which indicated the stark truth. He was very gallant and never revealed the information to Vyvyan. Vyvyan’s assessment is that this suppressed knowledge was damaging to Cyril who, thereafter, was an unsmiling “taciturn pessimist”.
The boys were sent to Baden in the company of a less-than sympathetic or conscientious nursemaid. Two motives were in place at this time: first to protect the boys from the scandal (although that was already too late for the sharp-eyed Cyril), and secondly, their mother was trying to circumvent the Marquess’s wish to twist the knife as painfully as possible, as he forced a bankruptcy sale on all Wilde’s belongings, including the contents of their home. Holland notes that, as they were whisked to Europe, they were without any of their toys. “The sale consisted of 246 lots; number 237 was ‘A large quantity of toys’; they realised thirty shillings.”
Initially, their life involved a wonderful time, fishing, tadpoles, lizards, wandering. They moved to Switzerland, Italy and back to Germany. Constance felt the need for adult protection and this was to come from her own family. The boys were told that from then on, their name was Holland, and they were never to mention the name Wilde.
Oscar’s mother, Speranza, died in 1896 and the vulnerable but honourable Constance chose to tell him herself, travelling back to England and to the prison. “‘Where is Father?’ I asked. ‘Why don’t we ever see him now?’ This was the question my mother had been dreading for months. She replied: ‘He has not been very well. He has had a great deal of trouble.’ I was afraid to ask any more; but the vague misgivings with which I had been assailed at Bevaix when our names were changed seemed to take a firmer hold upon me. I was conscious only of the heavy load of despair that was weighing upon my mother, and I wished that I could bear part of it for her.”
Holland expounds: “To be an illegitimate child is a simple condition compared to the one in which we found ourselves – there are, after all, so many thousands of illegitimate children in all walks of life. But we had known what it was to have our father fêted and admired, and now to deny him and to lock out all knowledge of him in our hearts was a terrible burden for children to bear. The thought that at any moment an indiscreet remark or a chance encounter with someone from our former lives might betray us was a sword of Damocles constantly hanging above our heads.”
The various European schools to which they were sent had endemic bullying and severe corporal punishment, as so many schools did at this time; although the boys’ true identities were not known, their Englishness still made them outsiders and thus victims of bullying and ostracism. “My brother did not seem to mind this roughness; he had already started on his determined mission in life to rehabilitate the family name by sheer force of character and overcoming all weaknesses and obstacles.” Matters worsened for Vyvyan who now felt alienated from his elder brother: “My brother, who with his superior physique and knowledge was a hero to me, began to lose interest in me and, I thought, actively to dislike me.”
Vyvyan started to take an interest in Catholicism – presumably knowing nothing of his father’s interests in the same direction – and eventually was enrolled at a Jesuit school where he was far more comfortable, and where he developed an adolescent’s increasingly obsessive fanaticism.
Oscar was released on May 19th, 1897. Constance’s family persuaded her to “let an interval elapse before she saw my father. She should have returned to England and taken charge of him, instead of leaving him to his own devices. But what her family really wanted was for her to sever connection with him once for all; they succeeded admirably in this for my father and mother never met again.” The other outcome was that, despite a plethora of initial good intentions, and without Constance’s guidance, Oscar soon reverted to damaging behaviour.
Quite soon after, Constance died from complications following an ill-advised operation. This left the brothers effectively orphans since, as far as they knew, their father was already dead, and their mother’s family adhered to this story. Impressively, not long before her death, she told them. “‘Try not to feel harshly about your father; remember that he is your father and that he loves you. All his troubles arose from the hatred of a son for his father, and whatever he has done he has suffered bitterly for.’”
Cyril subsequently explained that his response to the whole saga was that “‘My great incentive was to wipe that stain away; to retrieve, if may be, by some action of mine, a name no longer honoured in the land. The more I thought of this, the more convinced I became that, first and foremost, I must be a man . There was to be no cry of decadent, of effeminate aesthete, of weak-kneed degenerate… For that I have laboured; for that I have toiled…. I ask nothing better than to end in honourable battle for my King and Country.’”
Ultimately, he did just that. He was commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant in the Royal Field Artillery, serving in Britain then India, then in France in World War I; by then a captain, he was killed by a sniper in 1915, a little before his thirtieth birthday. Interestingly, for all his search for machismo, he was apparently not “one of the boys” amongst his fellow-officers, eschewing their small, blokey talk, and, rather, visiting art galleries.
Meanwhile, Vyvyan had been enrolled in an English Jesuit school, where his piety led him to dream of ordination until the Jesuits discouraged him, presumably worried about the genes he carried.
The strength of his sense of displacement is ruefully described: “One of the stultifying things about having no parents is the perpetual consciousness that there is no one to whom you are the most important person in the world. There is no one who, if you died, would shed a single tear or, indeed, give you another thought. I was in fact constantly in my father’s thoughts, but, as I was given to understand that he was dead, I could not know about that.” However, as a fourteen year old, he was suddenly informed that Oscar had just died.
Eventually, Oscar’s old friend, Robbie Ross, managed to make contact with a fifteen and a half year old Cyril who replied but without informing Vyvyan: “‘ I am glad you say that he loved us. I hope that at his death he was truly penitent… It is hard for a young mind like mine to realise why all the sorrow should have come on us, especially so young. And I am here among many happy faces among boys who have never really known an hour of sorrow and I have to keep my sorrow to myself and have no one there to sympathise with me although I am sure my many friends would soon do so if they knew. But when I am solemn and do not join so much in their jokes they stir me up and chide me for my gloominess./It is of course a long time since I saw father but all I do remember was when we lived happily together in London and how he would come and build brick houses for us in the nursery./I only hope that it will be a lesson for me and prevent me from falling into the snares and pitfalls of this world.”
Vyvyan gained admission to Cambridge, though not directly from school. The attempts of his mother’s family to extinguish any connection with Wilde inevitably collapsed. He came across The Ballad of Reading Gaol; “slowly the beauty and force of the poem came home to me and I felt a great urge to read more of my father’s writings.” He started telling close friends about his true identity, and connections from his father’s world appeared. “I found myself, within the space of a few days, no longer the friendless, haunted creature I had been for years, but in the midst of well-wishers in the literary and artistic world of London./ Robert Ross began to take me round to see my father’s old friends and I started to learn something about Oscar Wilde and his charm.”
There are so many paradoxes in this whole sad story. One is that Cyril discovered the truth about his father’s charges while still young and protected his brother from the knowledge. Cyril’s response was deliberately to reject any comparable behaviour and to aspire to the contemporary image of manliness. So Cyril rejected his father, whereas Vyvyan did not learn of the full story until he was more mature, and he was then more sympathetically inclined towards Oscar’s memory. Yet Oscar, in De Profundis referred to Cyril by name twice and never to Vyvyan.
Vyvyan Holland concludes his book with a powerful comparison of his real father with what has since been written of him: “If they have mentioned any human qualities it has always been in parentheses, as it were, and almost on a note of surprise and deprecation. And yet the most outstanding aspect of my father’s character was his great humanity, his love of life and of his fellow-men and his sympathy with suffering. He was the kindest and gentlest of men, and he hated to see anyone suffer.” Holland continues with a lament of how he, himself, was managed as a boy and youth: “When I was parted from my father for ever I passed through the stages of fear, perplexity and frustration. Fear and frustration are more destructive to peace of mind than almost any other mental processes; and as I connected these with my father I gradually began to think of him with dislike, whether I thought of him at all. And this feeling, fostered by the attitude of my mother’s family, increased as I approached adolescence./My fear was for what I might one day discover. My frustration came from having it constantly dinned into me that I was different from other boys; that I was a pariah who could not take his place within the framework of the world, except, perhaps, in some remote corner of it./ Fear and frustration are two obsessions of which it is terribly hard to rid oneself. And if I have learnt nothing else in the course of my life, I have learnt that it is impossible to hide one’s head and to be happy at the same time, that it is better to sail under one’s true colours and to face all comers bravely and resolutely. And I think that this is what our family should have made us do”. This is far more insightful than Wilde’s own reflections in De Profundis which he litters with claims of his personal genius.
Son of Oscar Wilde has a series of appendices of invaluable additional documents, including an extract from Oscar Wilde: An Oxford Reminiscence by one W.W. Ward: “Deliberately he had cultivated, as it seems to me, moods and feelings and appetite and states of thought so warring and so contradictory that at length the mould of sanity and self-control broke. He had made his mind a stage on which incongruous scenes continually shifted, across which strange characters, each the protagonist of the moment, passed and repassed in a carnival of mad confusion, while he himself sat, as he fondly thought, a passive spectator in the stalls and watched the play proceed – with appropriate emotions. He had turned his mind into a laboratory in which he might test his own experiences and he fell victim to his own experiments….And so with a certain reverence he lifts to his lips the cup of bitterness; slowly he drains it to the dregs; drop by drop he rolls the wine of humiliation over his tongue to taste to the full its exquisite flavour; he becomes an epicure of suffering, an arbiter miserarum . He treads the thorns of his Via Dolorosa more vibrant with discriminative sensibility, more critically recordant than ever he walked down the Primrose Path to the sound of flutes.”
Part of the lamentable story of Wilde’s sons’ lives comes down to a contemporary set of “values” related to proper sexual behaviour, to disgrace and reputation, and, most importantly, to the treatment of children, and these should be separated from considerations of Wilde’s behaviour and actions, which have received considerable examination in other places. This book is a powerfully cautionary tract warning against impulsive judgmentalism and unthinking mismanagement of children.