Genocidal Love: A Life after Residential School

by Bevann Fox

Genocidal Love delves into the long-term effects of childhood trauma on those who attended residential school and demonstrates the power of story to help in recovery and healing



Presenting herself as "Myrtle," Bevann Fox recounts her early childhood filled with love and warmth on the First Nation reservation with her grandparents. At the age of seven she was sent to residential school, and her horrific experiences of abuse there left her without a voice, timid and nervous, never sure, never trusting, and always searching.

This is the story of Myrtle battling to recover her voice.

This is the story of her courage and resilience throughout the arduous process required to make a claim for compensation for the abuse she experienced at residential school--a process that turned out to be yet another trauma at the hands of the colonial power.

This is the story of one woman finally standing up to the painful truth of her past and moving beyond it for the sake of her children and grandchildren. In recounting her tumultuous life, Fox weaves truth and fiction together as a means of bringing clarity to the complex emotions and situations she faced as she walked her path toward healing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Indigenous, Memoir, History, Canada, Historical, Abuse

256 pages, Paperback

First published September 12, 2020

About the author

BEVANN FOX is a member of Pasqua First Nation, originally from Piapot First Nation.
In 2012 she received her Bachelor of Arts in Arts and Culture and in 2018 her Master in Business Administration, Leadership from the University of Regina.
In 2014 she was honored with the YWCA Women of Distinction Award—Arts, Culture and Heritage, and in 2022 she was the recipient of the Queen Elizabeth II’s Platinum Jubilee Medal.
She is the founder, producer, and co-host of Access TV's The Four.
Her 2020 book, Genocidal Love, won an Indigenous Voices Award and a Saskatchewan Book Award.

Reviews

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for all Canadians

Bevann takes you on her journey with her writing. This book brought me back to more unlearning of my own education embedded with so many untruths but also to a learning as well about myself as someone who lives on treaty land as a white settler. This is a book to slot time to not just read it but process parts of it as well. I read this in chunks with breaks to make another tea and sit with the words I had just read. It is one that will bring you down so low but it also brings you back to hope. Allow yourself to feel those emotions as you read it and not be afraid of them. I felt the raw emotions and the darkness - definitely not to the extent as a residential school survivor would - but her writing forces you to not just put witness the many negative experiences inflicted on Indigenous peoples due to colonization but you truly feel Myrtle’s personal emotions and pain.

I felt comfort and at home at the beginning with the stories growing up with Nōhkom and Nimosōm and then I felt her childhood ripped apart when she left for residential school. Ripped from family, from language, from culture, from safety - all at the hands of people we are taught were doing good in Canada. Her experience at the residential school is a brief part of the book but it’s so honest and exposed - you feel the helplessness and the confusion of the child for what she experiences. Bevann says at the beginning of the book “You may never know what it is like to live with genocidal effects, but Genocidal Love will take you there.” That’s the perfect description of this fiction non-fiction novel or as Michelle Coupal describes it in the Foreword “âcimisowin - a story about oneself”.

As a white settler on Treaty 4, I will never truly know the experiences many survivors went through and the ongoing trauma in the Indigenous peoples and communities, but I have ears and a heart that can listen. I can also empathize to some extent as I experienced physical and mental abuse as a child - while different, many of the emotions as a child I had, I recognize all over again. Reconciliation means seeing each other and Bevann forces us to not just see Myrtle, but others like Myrtle, and also, to see yourself in the place where you live.

As an educator on Treaty 4, listening is just as important as teaching. Bevann Fox, thank you for your courage to write this and share it to the world. I hope many more people will take time to sit with you and experience Myrtle’s journey with your words. I will sit with these words from some time, reflect on the included discussion questions, and I will return to reread again.

[ZZ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Required reading.
Full of pain and trauma, but also joy and bravery in unimaginable ways.
I was captured by Fox's writing. Poetic and heartbreaking. She has given a voice to so many that have lost theirs. It was a journey full of life and a devastating reality.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.

[Jaime M]

I do enjoy reading Indigenous biographies because l want to be a witness to their experiences. It’s important that we hear them.

This biography has a lot of details about the author’s experienced abuse at residential school. It could be quite triggering for folks who have been sexually abused so you’ll have to be prepared when you read it.
I often notice that memoirs or biographies rush things at the end of the book, I felt that bit. I also felt a bit of disconnection between stories she told but it didn’t bother me too much. I think it’s amazing that she did this biography. It could not have been easy. Kudos to the author.

I liked the cover of the book and the size as well. 👌🏽

[Justine Anweiler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book!!!

Having just finished the University of Alberta's Indigenous Canada course, I really wanted to read a book that personalised the effects of Canada's genocidal history to its Indigenous peoples. This is the perfect book to further explain the lasting impact and contemporary issues stemming from the residential schools.

I cannot recommend this book enough! It is brilliant in its delivery. I have never encountered a writer who writes in both facts and feelings, and is able to eliminate details and descriptions without losing the reader. I struggle to finish most books and consider myself a slow reader, but this book was captivating, personal, to the point, and perfectly delivered.

I truly hope Ellen DeGeneres and Oprah get the chance to read it, and that Jlo is cast as Myrtle :)

P.S. This was my first, of what will be many, Indigenous literatures and I can't wait to read more. Next up will be Heart Berries by Terese Marie Mailhot, followed by From The Ashes by Jesse Thistle. I'd love any other recommendations so feel free to reply with suggestions.

[Ang · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Important fictional retelling of a residential school survivor's story, focusing more on her life after the school and how the trauma of her experience there shaped the rest of her life.

Read very much stream-of-consciousness for most of the book, making it a little hard to connect details and understand what was happening in a coherent, linear way. Nonetheless, the author's voice was heard loud and clear in this visceral, emotional take on her own very real experiences.

[Lynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A YA novel about a Canadian Native American woman who is put into a residential school as a child where she is physically and sexually abused by priests and nuns. Her behavior becomes intolerable as she grows up and she chooses awful men. She hurts her own children with her relationships and inconsistent behavior. Eventually she hears more information about others who were abused in the schools and decides to sue the Roman Catholic Church. She goes to therapy and tries to get better.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated how most of the book was focused on before and after residential schools, and the long-term impacts. I find many books have residential schools as the focus, and while it is extremely important, the intergenerational trauma is also crucial to acknowledge.

[Mridula · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brave and bold writing made this a memorable read.

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read. Unlike other books about residential school, this one focused on the impacts of residential school on relationships, in addition to the inhumane "compensation" process by the government. Recommended to any other settlers in treaty 4 territory.

[Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fictionalized memoir that works quite well. It is about abuse and its scattered aftermath of destruction and also how it undermines and decays a life. Bevann Fox has done a believable job and created a rightly troubling account of one woman's life, ending with the years long attempt to get recognition and justice from the government. What a lonely road. What a hard road.
Residential schools were a dysfunctional and destructive project from the very beginning. Should attendees, children when they were students, have their adult lives fully exposed in the legal process to gage abuse? Is there no other way?
This does not seem right or fair or humane. Is this what reconciliation looks like? Wow.
A small yellow book with a big heart and an even bigger story to tell.
I approached this story as a mostly truthful memoir with details blurred or amalgamated from other true lives to give us a slightly fictionalized account of brutal and unpleasant reality that would otherwise be to painful to expose.
Fiction and fantasy writer Ursala K LeGuin might say "If I could tell the truth any other way, I would. Fiction is my only way of communicating what I need to say."
This is the way I read this novel. Mostly truth. A bit of interpretive creativity to pull it together.
A small powerful book.

[Anngy Chase · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow; so many different emotions and thoughts. So much I have felt throughout my life. You ripped off every scab you had, and showed your open wounds to every single person that reads your book. To read your emotions and thoughts for what you went through seems so parallel to my life. This is weird for me; as survivors, we have come to the conclusion, we are alone in this. I keep thinking of how we both had horrible relationships with men. When reading the book, I kept thinking they too went to residential schools, but then the guys I dated, never went to residential schools. So why are they the same?

My Pops, went to a residential school, he was a very quiet gentleman, he never talked about bad times in the school, actually, from my recollection, not one of his siblings ever did. I do find it weird how it appears that a lot of men have control/anger problems even those that didn’t go to the residential schools and I have to wonder why they have such anger in them.

Thank you for writing your book, it helps to know I’m not alone in the abuse or the healing. I hope this book can be used for every woman that’s ever been abused. And they know healing is possible.

Thank you, Ms. Fox for ripping off your scabs, to show those of us who read this book, your wounds, and especially your healing. You are an amazing, strong woman.

[Ketzia (whatsmyplot) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Starting in the innocence of childhood, our main character Myrtle takes us on a journey from her loving community and culture, to the horror of residential school, to the fight for healing and survival in the “after”.

We see the web of how this act of Genocide from government and church continues to harm further generations and Indigenous communities, born into circumstances that no one had a voice or choice in.

This book showcases that no matter how much life a person has lived following residential school, the knowledge and memory’s of abuse linger close behind and affect relationships with others and self for life.

I appreciate that this book dispels many myths and stereotypes that are rooted in racism (such as payouts being plenty and “free money” provided) by showcasing the years and decades of re-traumatization that it takes to process any legal claims of the suffering. Myrtle must time and time again “prove” her trauma in a colonial legal system and fight for the right to simply be believed. This is the constant emotional toll Myrtle pays for a chance of any small sense of “justice” to be provided.

Genocidal Love should be required reading for students and educators to understand an in-depth account of a survivors story, specifically surrounding the legal process to complete a claim.

A warning to readers that Genocidal Love is an emotionally heavy read and can be triggering for survivors of abuse. That being said, survivors of abuse will be able to resonate with much of Myrtle’s experiences and may feel very validated by this story.

Thank you to @bevannfox for this book existing (hand to heart) and @uofr_press for this gifted book in exchange for a review. I am so honoured to add this book to my collection. Sincerely, a Canadian social worker always trying to do better for the communities we serve!

[Ren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm having difficulties giving this book a solid rating, because there are things I loved about it and things that made me absolutely furious in both the way that the author intends and in ways that the author does not. I wanted to enjoy every second of it, to get angry at the injustices with the author and to learn, but when it came to the portion of the book that was the author discussing her love life and the problems with it due to the system I lost the thread. Something about this portion of the book left a sour taste in my mouth, mostly the portion about her transgender ex. While I understand this part of the book is important to showing the difficulties with intimacy Myrtle has, it struck a nerve that I'm not sure how I feel about.

I'll still agree with the multitude of people saying this is an essential read, it holds an angering story of a broken system that's a necessity to read, and shows an astonishingly detailed depiction of the claims system many Indigenous people have had to go through.

[Joanne Mcleod · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe this book should be required reading for every senior high school student in Canada.

This is our true history, whether we are from Indigenous or Colonial settler ancestors, or perhaps both, like myself. We need to feel and acknowledge the pain and suffering afflicted in the name of power and control of the lands. We need to feel at least a bit of the genocidal love and acknowledge its truth. And not just acknowledge its truth in the past but also to acknowledge its ongoing existence in our present times. Only with this acknowledgment and acceptance in our roles in its continuance will we hopefully keep it from being handed down, like a bad treaty, to our children and subsequent generations.

Thank you Bevann for your courage and grace! It is through stories such as yours, and through your vulnerability of narrative, where rests our hopes as a society - accepting your form of peace offering. And in our acceptance working towards returning real love without destruction of another’s culture or being.

[Ashley McDonald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh. My. God. Where to even start!

Myrtle's riveting tale of her life in residential school and as an adult is absolutely heartbreaking. Every page draws you in deeper, needing to know more, needing to know what happened next to sweet Myrtle. The abuses suffered are horrific, and Myrtle's reflections as an adult are still as horrific as they days they occurred. This novel puts you there, it brings you to the reserve, with a loving family, it brings you to the residential school and makes you see the events that have transpired. It brings you to a sad childhood, guaranteed to make you cry, it brings you to a hurt, grown woman, who struggles with herself and her past daily, and you feel her. You see her and you feel her; her pain, her hurt, her trauma; but you also see so much of her beauty, her strength, her will to go on.

Bevann, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for sharing this hauntingly beautiful piece with the world; sharing experiences many have been too afraid to tell, and affecting all people. Thank you for this gift ❤️

[Karoline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book shed a light on the effects of residential schools in terms of the long-term PTSDA and destructive behaviour many use to cope with the abuse they experienced. Unlike other stories of residential schools, the description of what the author suffered is brief; nevertheless terrible and heartbreaking. The author focuses on the after effects and details the legal battle of having the Canadian government recognize their actions. I knew it was difficult for Indigenous to receive any compensation from the governement but 10 years? I can only imagine. They describe the experience as traumatic, being that little girl again, scared and trembling. My heart hurts for all the children who had their childhood taken from them and later had to deal with the life long effects. A difficult read but a necessary one for those who want to understand the lasting impacts of residential schools on Indigenous communities and families.

[NCHS Library]

Publisher's Description: How can we heal in the face of trauma? How can we transform intergenerational pain into a passion for community and healing? Presenting herself as "Myrtle," residential school survivor and Indigenous television personality Bevann Fox explores essential questions by recounting her life through fiction. She shares memories of an early childhood filled with love with her grandparents--until she is sent to residential school at the age of seven. Her horrific experiences of abuse there left her without a voice, timid and nervous, never sure, never trusting, affecting her romantic relationships and family bonds for years to come. This is the story of Myrtle battling to recover her voice. Genocidal Love is a powerful confirmation of the long-lasting consequences of residential school violence --and a moving story of finding a path towards healing.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Genocidal Love” is a fictional re-telling of the author’s own story as an Indigenous woman, and residential school survivor. Main character Myrtle suffers every kind of abuse, and is repeatedly mistreated: both in her childhood and her adult life. This was a very challenging read! While the content/story is definitely worth sharing, the writing didn’t do a whole lot for me. This novel is very short, and covers multiple decades of time. It felt rushed, and the syntax was often choppy. I wish this novel was longer and had more plot & character building (beyond poor Myrtle’s pain and suffering). Despite this, I feel this novel has a lot to offer in terms of bringing forth Indigenous issues and highlighting the horrors of residential schools.

[Vera Bravebird · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book was a hard read in the sense of the traumatic situations that happened. It was terrible what Myrtle had to experience. But I loved it. Boarding/Residential School stories are hard to tell and this book was beautifully written. It gives a POV of someone who had many tragic things happen to her in a short time. I couldn't imagine what it had been like for her family that stayed. It tells a story of someone dealing with demons she never deserved in the beginning of her life. The cause and effect of a horrible period of time for indigenous people. Their families, culture, language. I did a lot of reflecting of my life (adopted) and my biological family struggles, history, for the first time compassion.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Going to try and make this short and sweet. This is by far the best book I have ever read. This book opened up my eyes to understand our loved ones and to carry my head high. I am wholeheartedly touched that the author shared her story in such a way that encompasses trauma, healing, pride, empowerment with some humor. I recommend this book to all walks of life, no matter your race, your pronoun, your chapter in your life. I hope that this book is a requirement in all of our Learning Institutions and Universities across Canada.
This woman has demonstrated the true meaning of a Strength.
She found her MINO-PIMATSIWIN. Living the good life.
Nikki Duquette

[Shane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like to think I have an appreciation of the horrors of residential schools, to the extent that what was described in this book did not surprise me. I guess what I hadn’t spent much time thinking about is the continuing victimization the legal system inflicted on those seeking compensation. It shouldn’t be shocking to me - I’ve practiced plaintiff-side law, I know well the strategies defence-side counsel employ to frustrate access to justice. It’s naive to think the government wouldn’t abuse the same tactics (in spite of purported goals of truth and reconciliation).

A bit of a tough read but I’m glad I read it.

[Courtney Halverson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not only the first book I have read covering residential schools but also the first time I have ever heard of them. If you are not familiar, residential schools are essentially boarding schools set up by the Canadian government for indigenous people. Bevann recounts the trauma she experienced during her stay at one of these schools and then details how it impacted her life and all her future relationships. This book was hard to read in parts but Bevann showed so much bravery and it was really an eye opening read about a part of history that I am sadly unfamiliar with.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a hard, stark read. She outlined her life experiences as they were, the good, the bad and the ugly, as they say. Her strength seems unending. I was taken by her insight, knowing what was repeatedly going wrong in her life but being totally incapable of stopping it for so long. I applaud her courage. It was such a criminal thing Europeans did, taking perfectly happy, innocent children and trying to destroy them. Far too often they were successful. I'm so grateful the Indigenous peoples of Canada are stronger than our insane attempt to eradicate such a beautiful culture.

[Anastasia Zamkinos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brutal and beautiful. This fictionalized memoir recounts something quite near the experiences of the author before and during time at a residential school, and focuses most of its work on the years after, as genocidal effects linger and cycle-- and as she finds ways to count, name, and cope even as genocide is re-perpetrated through systemic violence.

Deep gratitude for Fox sharing this intimate and important narrative.

[Elle]

The forward very nicely set up the reading experience.

Be mindful of the triggers before reading this, the chapter at the residential school was intense and I had to put the book down for a day before returning to it.

This is the first residential school narrative I have read and the choice to view the life in its entirety (or up until the authors current age) gave the reader the viewpoint of seeing the cyclic nature of trauma.

[Cindy Sonen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I want to give this book a 5 star for the content but because of the gravity of it I am giving it a 4. I am so frustrated that a whole culture was forced to change who they are and how they are to conform to another culture. And then for people to be so angry and racist towards them because of the way their trauma has manifested to what we see in the generations moving forward. I am so thankful that books like these are being written so our future will learn and I pray grow from past mistakes.

[Sadie Ruin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A raw yet hopeful book. Residential school, inter generational trauma, and Indigenous lives are becoming more of a thing in the literary world and it’s taken too long. One thing that Bevann has above many of them is a voice that easily relatable and understandable, she writes as if she’s telling a story over coffee to a friend. I recommend it to everyone.

[Referencerocks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Powerful story/history. I was completely blown away by the section on her early life with her grandparents. Her way of writing, scattered and declarative, was especially beautiful in this section. Eye-opening, heartbreaking, and so honest. The forward by Michelle Coupal provided great context for this important book’s place in the Native/First Nations cannon.

[Camile Reads · Rating 3 out of 5]

This “fictional memoir” is an important read for all Canadians. Reading it will give you a better understanding of not just what indigenous children went through in our residential schools, but also the life long impacts of these experiences.

The section of the book detailing Myrtle’s time in a residential school is only sixteen pages long, while the rest of the book contains a short section about her happy childhood before the school, and then her traumatized life afterward. She spent just 3 years at the residential school, but the traumatic effects of this horrifying experience lasted a lifetime.

While I understand why Bevann chose to write a “fictional” memoir, I would love to read more non-fictional books about residential school experiences.

[isa_reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genocidal Love expresses pain and trauma, but also shows Bevann’s bravery and hope.
The book brings awareness to the unfair ways the First Peoples were treated and the repercussions residential schools caused in people’s lives. You can feel the emotion in every word. Great book that deserves recognition.