If You Met My Family, You'd Understand: A Family Systems Primer

by Jack Shitama

Who makes you anxious? A family member, boss or co-worker? A member of your church?
You can't change them. But you can change yourself.
Understanding your family of origin is the first step.
Read this book and you will:
Understand the principles that govern how families function.
Learn how to take responsibility for yourself and no one else.
Learn how you can be a non-anxious presence in your family, workplace and congregation.
If You Met My Family, You'd Understand takes a complicated subject, family systems theory, and makes it easy to understand. It will teach you how your family of origin influences your thoughts and actions, and how awareness and intentionality can help you to find new, more healthy ways of being.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Counselling, Parenting, Psychology

114 pages, Paperback

Published March 20, 2020

About the author

Jack Shitama has been leading change in ministry settings since 1991. He has led growth in small churches. He guided the transformation of a professional association. He proposed and executed a plan for the sale and replacement of a beloved denominational institution. Jack is an ordained United Methodist minister and the founding Minister-in-Residence of the Center for Clergy Excellence in Centreville, MD. Jack and his wife, Jodi, have four adult children and one grandchild. They live with no kids and no pets on Maryland’s Eastern Shore.

Reviews

[Elizabeth Charlton]

This is a helpful, bite-sized introduction into family systems theory. I particularly appreciated how weaved in story to explain this theory and the questions at the end of each chapter that encouraged personal application.

[Jess Hall · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great resource for understanding family systems, and then also applies in all relationships. And it helps you know what YOU can do and acknowledges that it’s hard, you will feel anxious but you can still do it.

[Sarah Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

“pushing someone you love in the direction you most fear”
I’ll be thinking about that one for a bit. shout out to Rach for this one!

[Alessandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Criticism first: this book needed a better editor. Also his examples are often not sufficiently illustrative of his finer points.
However: this quick little book is incredibly helpful in illuminating cyclical habits in families and giving language to understand them. We've already recommended it to many friends.

[Kenneth Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jack Shitama's books (and podcast) have altered and improved my goals and perspectives, in all of my relationships, and in my service as a pastor. I highly recommend this book for anyone who is seeking a foundational understanding of the role of emotional intelligence and healthy differentiation in their relationships, and especially would like to sharpen their leadership skills.

[Jenny Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book as a pastoral counselor and have already used self-differentiating in work with clients. A small, but mighty book! Jack did a great job making Family Systems very easy to understand. It was a bonus to find out this author is a MD resident, and lives not too far from myself! Looking forward to checking out his other works including, “Anxious Church, Anxious People: How to Lead Change in an Age of Anxiety.”

[MIA BENEDETTI · Rating 5 out of 5]

Understandable Explanation of Family Systems

This book by Jack Shitama explains core concepts from Bowen Family Systems Theory in an easy to understand way. The writing style flows nicely and is enjoyable to read. You will gain helpful insights in relational dynamics you learned as a child and how to begin increasing your awareness of the dynamics of self and others. If you have little experience in Family systems, this is a perfect start.

[Rachel]

I’m a fan of Jack Shitama, and appreciate the work he does in the camping world, church world, and family spheres! This was a great jumping off point for me as an intro into family systems theory, and has some great tips in managing your own anxious presence in your family and other relationships.

[Tom Pasmore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jack Shitama makes family systems very accessible. I would recommend this to anyone in complicated family or complicated congregation.

[Sophie DiFilippo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Per my therapists recommendation

[Matthew Cazee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent and accessible primer on systems theory

[Amy Wass · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good intro to family systems.

[Natalie Kralis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!!! Very short but with so much content in it. Highly recommend to everyone. This was my introduction to the family systems theory and I definitely want to continue looking into it.

[Jennifer Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

I find Family Systems Theory very helpful and wish more was written in this topic. This book was very easy to read and explained the theory very well.