Growing Up Shared: How Parents Can Share Smarter on Social Media-And What You Can Do to Keep Your Family Safe in a No-Privacy World

by Stacey Steinberg

Is it okay to share details about my child's life on social media?
What kinds of pictures should I avoid posting?
Am I taking away my kids' ownership over their future online footprint?

It has never been easier to share our lives online--from meals to selfies and relationship statuses to locations, information about our daily activities flows freely. But what about our right to share our kids' lives? In today's age of "sharenting", striking the right balance between engaging in online communities and respecting a child's privacy and safety can be difficult. In Growing Up Shared, Stacey Steinberg, law professor, mother, and expert on the intersection of social media and parenting, shares her insights. From her years of research, Steinberg outlines what parents should and should not feel comfortable sharing, while providing suggestions and ideas for a wide range of approaches, including:


How we can benefit from sharing, and how screens can connect usThe dangers of oversharingHow to model behavior onlineThe difference in how parents and kids view online sharingThe importance of educating kids about technologyEngaging, approachable, and with concrete takeaways for today's parents, Growing Up Shared investigates the benefits and risks of sharing our kids' lives on social media, and will help any parent decide on the right path for their family to follow in the online world.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

Published August 4, 2020

About the author

Hi! I am a mom of three kiddos and a professor at the University of Florida Levin College of Law. I supervise the Gator TeamChild Juvenile Law Clinic, where alongside my students, I represent abused and neglected children in court. My research focuses at the intersection of a parent’s right to share and a child’s right to privacy. You can find my written work at various media outlets, but most frequently at On Parenting from The Washington Post.

I’ve been an attorney practicing in the areas of criminal and juvenile law since 2003. After graduating from law school, I was a special victim’s unit prosecutor until 2009 and then worked as a child welfare attorney for children’s legal services, representing the best interests of children in foster care.

I am also a photographer. My work found its genesis in self reflection. I love to take pictures, and over the years I've explored whether posting my children's pictures online could impact their digital footprints.

My research led me to the conclusion that parents need to protect their children’s digital privacy … but also that families benefit by sharing online. There are ways to share safely, and GROWING UP SHARED explores how parents can share smarter on social media and what families can do to keep their children safe in a no-privacy world.

Reviews

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This smart and thought-provoking look at “sharenting” has forever changed the way I view social media and my girls. With the perfect combination of research, personal stories, and voices from other parents, this is a must-read for all caregivers.

“By broadening my lens and looking at “sharenting” not only as a mom, but also as a children’s rights scholar, I’ve changed how I share. I’ve started to think a little deeper about the information I post online about my kids—I’ve started asking if their pictures are really mine to share.” -Steinberg

[Taylor Farrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was clearly written by a Gen-X Mom who is coping with her oversharing of her children on social media. If we’re honest, we don’t share to “inform and connect” we share to satiate our endless need for affirmation, keeping up with the joneses, and braggadocios nature. Even if we post to be “relatable and real” the root intention is the same. When we drag our kids into this and then tap into their same need to be liked (although much more innocent), we are doing them a huge disservice and setting them up for a life of caring too much about what people who don’t matter think. I’m not entirely sure how I’ll tackle this with our kids, but it’s pretty hard to justify sharing with family over socials (when you can just text them?), over the risk of cp, lower self-esteem’s for kids, and lowkey just being an npc. I commend this author for tackling a difficult topic and writing one of the few well-researched books on the subject. There were some great discussion points brought up that Graham and I could talk through.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

This wonderful, thorough resource focuses on how parents can manage their child's online footprint through what they post, how they communicate with other relatives and organizations, and how they train their children to become responsible digital citizens. The author addresses lots of different issues and implications, and encourages parents who are interested in social media to leverage it as a positive tool without infringing on their child's safety, privacy, or healthy emotional development.

This book does not shame or blame parents, and acknowledges how families with different priorities and backgrounds manage social media differently. The author does not claim to have any one-size-fits-all approach, but explores legal precedents regarding privacy, various scientific studies, and polled responses from other parents. This book gives parents the detailed information that they need to evaluate these issues and make their own decisions.

The scholarly writing style may turn off more casual readers, but the author does an excellent job of balancing legal case history and scientific studies with her own personal anecdotes and other parents' stories and poll responses. This book reflects lots of different viewpoints and experiences from parents of differently aged children, and addresses a wide range of potential hazards and benefits related to social media sharing. I appreciate this book's clear structure and the way that it provides a guided tour of a wide range of issues without becoming judgmental or fear-mongering.

I would recommend this book to both parents and grandparents, so that they can evaluate how their sharing may affect children under their care, and so that they can begin to make clear plans for how they want to manage these issues before a problem arises. This is also a great resource for people who are interested in the topic in general without a personal investment, or who might reference this for a research project. Unlike many other parenting books about social media, this one is extremely well-researched and well-cited, and it can be a landmark tool for people who are studying the intersection of child rights and parents' social media use.

I received a temporary digital copy through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be really helpful as I think about how I post about my child online. I appreciate the openness relayed in this book and how the author stresses throughout the book that it is up to each family whether they share a lot, share a little, or don’t share at all on social media. I enjoyed learning more about social media and it’s effect on children (and parents!); however, I’m not sure that I left this book feeling completely confident in how I will approach posting about my child in my own social media accounts. Thanks to the author, I do have some guidelines to help me think through how I post about my child and how I will help her with her social media accounts in the future. This books has given me lots of food for thought!

[Kathryn Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just shy of 3.5 stars. I thought it was informative. I found a bit to be repetitive. Made me think about social media long term for my children.

[Kristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thought provoking points, but perhaps a bit-wordy and longer than it needed to be.

[Juli · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 - rounded up.

The subject is of interest to me because I have a young grandchild and another on the way, but I’m not sure there was enough content to fill out a whole book.

[Erika · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this had a lot of good points and was well researched. However, it was too wordy and a lot of it I thought was common sense. It is a good book to skim through and a good reminder on what is and is not appropriate to share on social media.

[The Booked Mama · Rating 3 out of 5]

Author, law professor and mother, Stacey Steinberg gives expert advice into the world of raising children in a digital world specifically through the lens of social media. What is life like for a generation whose entire existence has a digital footprint and what will it mean for their futures? Parents have no references from their childhood to look back on for guidance when it comes to this technology and are at times adrift with what it means for their own family. Two quotes from Steinberg that struck me: "We've been so focused on social media's role in how teens relate to one another and how technology has changed our work-life balance, but we've spent little time really exploring how social media and technology has redefined what growing up looks like and feels like." and "...I've recognized that like so many other aspects of parenting, social media is a tool. Used appropriately, we use it to build relationships and connect with one another. But like any tool, we need to know its power before we pick it up." Whether you are a parent/guardian/grandparent of a teenager, a tween, or a toddler "Growing Up Shared" has something for everyone to learn in its pages. Thank you to NetGalley and Sourcebooks for a copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Ivy Digest · Rating 4 out of 5]

We love to see and share photos of kids. They’re so cute!

But have we ever asked kids if it’s ok to share their pics? What if they grow up and realize that they never wanted their childhood photos publicly seen?

Stacey is a law professor wrote the first legal article on Sharenting (parent who shares about parenting online) to discuss the parent’s right to share in light of the child’s right to privacy.

We don’t need to stop sharing altogether. “But I do suggest we stop and think about how our online activity will affect our children in the long term.”

Stacey briefly discusses how kids’ privacy rights are protected in the US and under UNICEF then expounds on the various ways parents share about their kids online.

This important book seeks to open our eyes on the issue. In each chapter, Stacey gives a list of questions to ask ourselves about our online behavior and sharenting. It’s not all bad. Stacey also gives the benefits of social media. But we have to know the risks.

Stacey also helps parents to model and teach kids, especially for teens and young adults, how to share responsibly and safely,

An important guide on social media safety that every parent, educator, caretaker, and digital user must read.

@IvyDigest

[Faith · Rating 4 out of 5]

"In the United States, children are not guaranteed a right to privacy, especially one that is separate and apart from her parents. While kids may have rights to privacy in other contexts, they don't have a right to privacy from their parents"

Stacey Steinberg has worn many hats -- mother, law professor, photographer, and children's internet privacy expert -- and brings all of these to bear in GROWING UP SHARED. As the first generation of kids whose parents had social media come of age and more millennials have children, our society must contend with the question of what information should be shared online. What say do children have in what is said about them by their parents, at what age can they have an opinion, and is it truly safe to share their images, names, birthdays, etc?

Steinberg is not anti-social media. She is not seeking to scare parents, or lobby for an end to the valuable forums in which many parents find solace. Instead she is raising questions so that parents can evaluate their own behavior, be conscious of how their online sharing may impact their children, and look for ways to give their kids the reigns to their own digital identity in age-appropriate ways.

Thanks to the publisher for providing this book for review!

[Emily Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! Even though Steinberg is one of the leading experts in “sharenting”, the book never comes off as preachy or judgmental. If anything, Steinberg seems as fascinated and anxious about balancing the desire to share pics and info about our own kids online with the desire to protect their privacy as the rest of us. What she does for the audience is wade through the bevy of scattered info on the topic and talk to experts in a wide range of related fields (e.g. law, mental health, pediatrics, cyber security) so that we don’t have to. Each chapter is beautifully woven together with a combination of personal anecdotes, expert commentary, and stats, so that the result is a very informative but still enjoyable read. I found Steinberg’s combination of empathy and levity a charming combination. Smart but not stuffy, and should be part of every parent’s library.

[Caleb Conard · Rating 2 out of 5]

This one missed the mark for me in several ways. Without a clear moral framework, there didn’t seem to be a strong argument. But, I hope the topics in this make people more thoughtful regarding their media habits. They did that for me.

Privacy is important, but on the day of Christ, all things will be brought to light. It is more important for us to live above reproach before Him than to maintain a digital footprint without blemish.

[Juliet · Rating 2 out of 5]

did not read cover to cover but chapters that best fit my needs. I understood the author's effort to provide a balanced view and I respect she put forth ways to more carefully use social media instead of eliminating "sharenting" altogether (where my bias would lead me...). I would have liked some more varied perspectives. it felt like most anecdotes were from folks who do share their children online.

[Allison Haller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stacey has made her mark here and is a leading expert in this new area of parenting. Her book is well researched and so thorough and thoughtful. It was also an entertaining as well as educational read, with lots of useful examples. Highly recommend!

[Jill L Koch · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fantastic book- as a mother of three children as well, this book was enlightening and relatable. It was very well written and I highly recommend it.

[A'Llyn Ettien · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting overview of the up- and downsides of parents sharing pictures and information about their kids online.

[Ophir Lehavy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned a lot from Stacey’s research and earmarked some pages for future reference. What a great resource.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow… a must read for every parent and maybe even all educators! …Anyone with children in their lives!

[Deidra Chamberlain · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s already a little dated, but I liked that it was quick and clear.