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A Guide to Divorce Mediation: How to Reach a Fair, Legal Settlement at a Fraction of the Cost : Part One : An Introduction to Mediation
Pioneered in the late 1970s by Gary Friedman and other California attorneys, mediation has boomed to become the preferred alternative to standard divorce practice. Mediation is sane, economical, fair, and legal, an innovative process that is the last act of partnership between a married couple. In A GUIDE TO DIVORCE MEDIATION, Mr. Friedman lists four criteria necessary for every couple about to enter into motivation to mediate, self-responsibility, willingness to disagree, and willingness to agree. He explains the ground rules, the legal ramifications, and where to find a mediator. Also included are 12 detailed case studies to show how in almost all instances mediation has succeeded with a variety of personalities and situations.
384 pages, Paperback
First published January 5, 1993
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March 20, 2023
Friedman is one of OGs of divorce mediation, having co-founded The Center for Understanding in Conflict back in 1981. Both the Center and Friedman himself have numerous training courses and books available, many of them likely more updated and better organized then this book, which is 30 years old as I write this review.
The undeniable advantage of this book is that is centered around a dozen case studies of "actual" mediations (quotes because I'm not sure how much is verbatim and how much is reconstructed and how much has been altered to protect privacy), which provide an immediate grasp of how underlying issues that lead to divorce can be expressed in difficult circumstances, and the delicate edge a mediator must walk to ensure neutrality while also protecting a party in the marriage who has mostly not spoken up.
The case studies center on the more challenging examples. Mediation failed in the case of a physically violent abuser, in one of the most dramatic examples. But there are more mundane issues about who gets to live in the house and how much support will be paid, which are resolved to various degrees of satisfaction. Two things that comes through are managing pride and uncertainty. There are multiple instances of "I won't pay a dime in spousal support, but I will pay [x] as long as it's not called spousal support". And of course discussions about the home and children are especially difficult if one parent is re-entering the job market.
I'm sure the practice of mediation is more sophisticated now, but this is a fast and readable overview that provides mediators with touchstones for hard cases, and people going through the process with ideas about how to unstick it.
The undeniable advantage of this book is that is centered around a dozen case studies of "actual" mediations (quotes because I'm not sure how much is verbatim and how much is reconstructed and how much has been altered to protect privacy), which provide an immediate grasp of how underlying issues that lead to divorce can be expressed in difficult circumstances, and the delicate edge a mediator must walk to ensure neutrality while also protecting a party in the marriage who has mostly not spoken up.
The case studies center on the more challenging examples. Mediation failed in the case of a physically violent abuser, in one of the most dramatic examples. But there are more mundane issues about who gets to live in the house and how much support will be paid, which are resolved to various degrees of satisfaction. Two things that comes through are managing pride and uncertainty. There are multiple instances of "I won't pay a dime in spousal support, but I will pay [x] as long as it's not called spousal support". And of course discussions about the home and children are especially difficult if one parent is re-entering the job market.
I'm sure the practice of mediation is more sophisticated now, but this is a fast and readable overview that provides mediators with touchstones for hard cases, and people going through the process with ideas about how to unstick it.
Displaying 1 of 1 review