What do you think?
Rate this book
Memory Lessons: A Doctor's Story
The story of becoming a doctor, and being a son.
Jerald Winakur is a doctor who cares for, and about, the elderly. Dedicated and compassionate, he's a surrogate son to many. And yet, all his years of service helping patients and their families adjust to the challenges of aging did not prepare him for becoming father to his own father, who had become as needy as any child.
In Memory Lessons --a tender and provocative book--Dr. Winakur writes about what it's like to be medical counselor to countless patients, while disclosing his personal heartbreak at watching his 86-year-old father descend into disability and dementia, his mother at his side. In both of these roles--highly skilled professional and loving son--he finds he is hard pressed to alter a course that devastates his dad and tears at his family. But he does what he can. A doctor who does his best to listen carefully to each patient in turn, who attempts to confront every problem with, as he says, "a reasonable fund of knowledge, a modicum of common sense, and a large dose of honesty," Dr. Winakur knows that there is much we can do by loving and listening.
We all search for answers; we all want to do the right thing for our parents, but few of us know what that right thing is. Faced with caring for a growing sea of elders, Dr. Winakur reflects on his thirty years in the medical profession to consider the very personal and immediate questions asked by families every What are we going to do with Dad? Who will care for him--and how? These are urgent questions, and they're faced head-on in Memory Lessons with unflinching honesty, hope, and, above all, love.
Jerald Winakur is a doctor who cares for, and about, the elderly. Dedicated and compassionate, he's a surrogate son to many. And yet, all his years of service helping patients and their families adjust to the challenges of aging did not prepare him for becoming father to his own father, who had become as needy as any child.
In Memory Lessons --a tender and provocative book--Dr. Winakur writes about what it's like to be medical counselor to countless patients, while disclosing his personal heartbreak at watching his 86-year-old father descend into disability and dementia, his mother at his side. In both of these roles--highly skilled professional and loving son--he finds he is hard pressed to alter a course that devastates his dad and tears at his family. But he does what he can. A doctor who does his best to listen carefully to each patient in turn, who attempts to confront every problem with, as he says, "a reasonable fund of knowledge, a modicum of common sense, and a large dose of honesty," Dr. Winakur knows that there is much we can do by loving and listening.
We all search for answers; we all want to do the right thing for our parents, but few of us know what that right thing is. Faced with caring for a growing sea of elders, Dr. Winakur reflects on his thirty years in the medical profession to consider the very personal and immediate questions asked by families every What are we going to do with Dad? Who will care for him--and how? These are urgent questions, and they're faced head-on in Memory Lessons with unflinching honesty, hope, and, above all, love.
304 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2008
8 people are currently reading
103 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
February 1, 2009
If we're lucky, all of us aging children will have a parent or two who motors on into old age, living well for a time to remain our friend, confidante, and grandparent to our children. Lucky, of course, is a relative term, because aging parents pretty much means someday we'll be caught in the middle of a generational sandwich, trying to minister to their increasing debilities while dealing with our own professional lives and the demands of our growing children.
So how lucky are we that Dr. Jerald Winakur has written a memoir/instructional guidebook on dealing with the predicaments and the raging ambivalence of parenting our parents as they lose their independence and health. Dr. Winakur has done an incredible job of blending the professional with the personal, sharing not only medical information about the process of growing older and going to ground--losing height, losing vitality, losing balance, etc.--but how he helped usher his dad through debility and Alzheimer's disease in his role as Dr. Son.
I spent the last two years guiding my mom along life's final pathway, from independence to home care, and finally, with enormous guilt and anguish, into a nursing home where she died 8 months later. I felt isolated, angry, and incredibly grateful at the same time to have spent so much time with her in her final months. I was able to be an informed advocate for her as I too am a medical doctor, and I too played Dr. Daughter, catching incipient bedsores and infected injuries first in my day-to-day examinations. I wondered then, still do, how less medically sophisticated families negotiate these end-of-life roads with more (nursing home staff) or less (nursing home doctors in our case) competent help.
Dr. Winakur has written--perfectly--the how-to book, covering such diverse subjects as why old people fall, what happens to the brain in dementia, how guilt and second-guessing plague even the most knowledgable of caretakers, and when enough intervention might just be enough already. He has been there and done that, both as a geriatrician ministering to thousands of elderly patients through the years, and as a son, loving and caring for his two 'oldest old' patients.
If you've already gone down the caretaking path, read this book to understand what you've been through and to validate your decisions at the time. If you're going there, read it to inform your future decision-making process. Got a friend who's struggling with same? Buy one for her too.
So how lucky are we that Dr. Jerald Winakur has written a memoir/instructional guidebook on dealing with the predicaments and the raging ambivalence of parenting our parents as they lose their independence and health. Dr. Winakur has done an incredible job of blending the professional with the personal, sharing not only medical information about the process of growing older and going to ground--losing height, losing vitality, losing balance, etc.--but how he helped usher his dad through debility and Alzheimer's disease in his role as Dr. Son.
I spent the last two years guiding my mom along life's final pathway, from independence to home care, and finally, with enormous guilt and anguish, into a nursing home where she died 8 months later. I felt isolated, angry, and incredibly grateful at the same time to have spent so much time with her in her final months. I was able to be an informed advocate for her as I too am a medical doctor, and I too played Dr. Daughter, catching incipient bedsores and infected injuries first in my day-to-day examinations. I wondered then, still do, how less medically sophisticated families negotiate these end-of-life roads with more (nursing home staff) or less (nursing home doctors in our case) competent help.
Dr. Winakur has written--perfectly--the how-to book, covering such diverse subjects as why old people fall, what happens to the brain in dementia, how guilt and second-guessing plague even the most knowledgable of caretakers, and when enough intervention might just be enough already. He has been there and done that, both as a geriatrician ministering to thousands of elderly patients through the years, and as a son, loving and caring for his two 'oldest old' patients.
If you've already gone down the caretaking path, read this book to understand what you've been through and to validate your decisions at the time. If you're going there, read it to inform your future decision-making process. Got a friend who's struggling with same? Buy one for her too.
April 7, 2009
A wonderful and heartwrenching story of one doctor facing the hard choices of elderly care when his father is diagnosed with dementia. Besides the love and memories the author has for his father, mother and family the book shows the medical facts and choices that many face with sickness and death each day. As one who is the "caregiver" of an elderly and sick parent much of the book hits home. A must read for all ages.
April 17, 2015
My thoughts on the structure and writing: I was confused a bit by the structure of this book —was it a memoir? Was it a treatise on healthcare in America? I work in marketing & communications at a large healthcare system. Thus, reading chunks of this book felt like work. As in, it felt like I was at work. So it wasn’t as enjoyable me as it possibly might have been if I didn’t have to read, write and edit medical communications all day long. Also, the narrative felt somewhat scattered to me. I thought it read more like a series of essays or vignettes rather than a story with a linear progression. I also found the writing to be a bit over-the-top and slightly…flowery, maybe?... for my taste.
Having said that, however, Dr. Winakur’s care and concerns for his elderly patients comes through very clearly. He seems like a very good doctor—the kind I would love to have for myself and my family members. The older I get, the more I appreciate doctors who will actually spend time with me at an appointment and not just stand there impatiently with one foot out the door. I have switched doctors in the past for that reason alone.
Also, the sentiments in the book hit home with me at this particular point in my life. With parents and in-laws who are in their 70s and starting to need assistance with medical and financial issues as well as two children in college who still need our financial assistance, my husband and I find ourselves squarely in the “sandwich generation.” Reading this book made me really think hard about how to hopefully prevent myself from burdening my own kids someday.
Having said that, however, Dr. Winakur’s care and concerns for his elderly patients comes through very clearly. He seems like a very good doctor—the kind I would love to have for myself and my family members. The older I get, the more I appreciate doctors who will actually spend time with me at an appointment and not just stand there impatiently with one foot out the door. I have switched doctors in the past for that reason alone.
Also, the sentiments in the book hit home with me at this particular point in my life. With parents and in-laws who are in their 70s and starting to need assistance with medical and financial issues as well as two children in college who still need our financial assistance, my husband and I find ourselves squarely in the “sandwich generation.” Reading this book made me really think hard about how to hopefully prevent myself from burdening my own kids someday.
June 19, 2015
What an incredible book! Dr. Winakur is a geriatric physician - old-school, steadfastly bucking against the managed care model of the for-profit companies that own medicine in the U.S. and Big Pharma, the for-profit companies who advertise magic-in-a-pill drugs directly to consumers and pay off medical providers to prescribe them - and is/was the son of aging parents, one of whom was his dad, who had dementia.
Dr. Winakur weaves the story of his philosophy as a doctor - do not harm, take the time to listen t0 and to think about each patient, we all forget, in devaluing our elderly population and shuffling them off to care facilities because we're too busy with our own lives and can't be bothered, that not only do we owe them our turn in the circle of life, taking care of them when they need us most just as they took care of us when we needed them most, but one day, if we live long enough, we will be them and the examples we set with our own attitudes and behavior toward them are what our children see and what they will, in turn, do to us - with the story of his family and his parents.
It is refreshing, poignant, and from the heart.
A must read!
Dr. Winakur weaves the story of his philosophy as a doctor - do not harm, take the time to listen t0 and to think about each patient, we all forget, in devaluing our elderly population and shuffling them off to care facilities because we're too busy with our own lives and can't be bothered, that not only do we owe them our turn in the circle of life, taking care of them when they need us most just as they took care of us when we needed them most, but one day, if we live long enough, we will be them and the examples we set with our own attitudes and behavior toward them are what our children see and what they will, in turn, do to us - with the story of his family and his parents.
It is refreshing, poignant, and from the heart.
A must read!
May 23, 2011
Memory lessons is two stories at once. Jerry, the geriatrican and son, tells the story of trying to keep his father who is suffering from Alzheimers, at home and at the same time, another story of end of life issues, Medicare and the hospital system that we all face as we age. I found this book fascinating. These are questions that many of us have or will face as our parents age and as we grow older. It should be required reading for all of us. I found it sad that he had left his Jewish faith and therefore had nothing to console him for the future, but that is a personal choice. Very well written with so much to ponder.
July 12, 2009
A gerontologist whose father is dying of Alzheimer's Disease, prostate cancer and heart disease discusses medicine and the need for reform in the U.S., especially in regards to Medicare and Medicaid. This book will make you think, which is good even if it hurts.
You also might want to consider the attributes of your own PC doctor if you're closing in on retirement age and the directives you might now share with your spouse, children or significant others.
Also, a lesson in when NOT to call the EMTS. . .
You also might want to consider the attributes of your own PC doctor if you're closing in on retirement age and the directives you might now share with your spouse, children or significant others.
Also, a lesson in when NOT to call the EMTS. . .
March 4, 2009
Oh, horribly depressing, but completely necessary. A look at what the health system holds for the aging American population by a doctor who specializes in older patients, and who has gone through many of these things with his own parents. Not a happy read, but a worthwhile one, because it was enough to prompt me to sit down with my parents and talk a little about what they want and what their plans are for when they get older.
February 23, 2011
I enjoyed this book and learned a lot about aging. A new demographic is 85+ and it isn't for the wimpy. Of those, only 1 in 20 is fully mobile and 50% have some mental dementia. Dr. Winakur encourages us to think about aging and dying and discuss those important decisions with our families. His father suffers from alzheimer's, and he is a geriatric doctor so he has an interesting perspective.
September 13, 2010
A book that all of us with aging parents and/or aging ourselves probably need to read. It is written by a gerontologist struggling with the care of his demented father and overworked mother. He delves into the strengths and weaknesses of the present health care system, which makes being left to float off on an iceberg seem like a reasonable approach. I don't think he has read How We Die by Nuland though, and he should.
January 6, 2020
This is a sensitive book about a doctor and his relationship with his father over the years. The doctor works with geriatric patients and a lot of the book covers his efforts to keep his father in the family home during his later years, despite the dad’s dementia and the mom’s issues with eyesight. There is a good discussion of elder care issues based on the doctor’s experiences both with his patients and with his father. The book is part autobiography and part medical ethics.
October 27, 2009
A San Antonio doctor's very compassionate story of his father's last months. I recommend it highly to everyone with aged parents or loved ones. Dr. Winakur, an experienced geriatrician, also gives the reader a realistic look into the medical profession and what needs fixing.
July 24, 2011
Great REAL account of watching a parent slip into dementia and Alzheimers. I am going through it now and it was comforting to read that even doctor's are frustrated and overwhelmed by this disease and what it does to the people you love.
August 27, 2014
I read this a few years ago...and couldn't remember the title or the author. But now I've found it again.
Such a good read...it will both uplift you and break your heart at the same time.
Such a good read...it will both uplift you and break your heart at the same time.
December 17, 2018
Dr. Winakur gets an extra star for his honesty in expressing his frustration with his own father. It is so completely natural and widespread. Living with a person with dementia is one of the most difficult jobs in the world,especially when that person was once your lover and life partner. It is this truth, expressed so openly in the book that made me read it to the end. Along the way he talks about how Medicare restricts doctors and how the drug industry, Big Pharma, controls doctors through advertising miracle cures. This book was written before the Affordable Care Act was implemented so it is outdated as a discussion of medical policy. But each one of us has faced the death of our parents, or will face it in the future. And each of us must think about our own death. One of the most important changes in the law is the implementation of Advance Directives in many HMOs. I have signed several prior to even relatively minor surgeries and I have witnessed several in other situations. If only some of the aged whose deaths are described in the book had been able to express their preferences, it might have been so much easier for them to leave behind their pain and suffering.
October 27, 2023
Read this book for class. While I found some small excerpts that I enjoyed/found thoughtful, the majority of the book left me disappointed. I did not like the timeline it followed, because there wasn’t one. It jumped all over the place. Other times, the medical rhetoric was a bit too much. Really let down by this one.
October 11, 2022
Another textbook. This one was really interesting as it was written by one man with two perspectives. You see his story through his eyes as a medical professional but also as a son. Very interesting and very sad.
October 3, 2019
LOVED this book. Both personal memoir and a doctor's story of treating the old, the very old, and the oldest old. SO well written. I'm hoping this guy has written other books!
December 1, 2009
Dr. Winakur was once my docotr, although he was not yet the doctorr who appears in his book. I wish I had known him later in his career.
This is an astonishing book, hard to read, in fact frightening if you are, as I am, (as he is) a Baby Boomer, especially figthening for me as I face the probability of Alzheimer's (although, I must say, the Aricept seems to be helping, or is itt the Vitamin D or the reduction in pain medication, or all of that?)But I digress, as I never would have in my youth (and I was young once).
it paints a bleak picture of the health care that's out there for us old farts. But Winakur's portrait of his father and the description of
his decline, skillfully interwoven with incidents from his own medical career and stark facts about the medical industry is powerful and , ultimately, both human and humane.
This is an astonishing book, hard to read, in fact frightening if you are, as I am, (as he is) a Baby Boomer, especially figthening for me as I face the probability of Alzheimer's (although, I must say, the Aricept seems to be helping, or is itt the Vitamin D or the reduction in pain medication, or all of that?)But I digress, as I never would have in my youth (and I was young once).
it paints a bleak picture of the health care that's out there for us old farts. But Winakur's portrait of his father and the description of
his decline, skillfully interwoven with incidents from his own medical career and stark facts about the medical industry is powerful and , ultimately, both human and humane.
August 13, 2009
An important, touching and troubling book to read. Highly pertinent in view of the current health-care debate. He describes a lot of what is wrong with our present system that rewards technology at the expense of real hands-on care.
Recommend this one.
Recommend this one.
May 4, 2012
....Lições do Meu Pai é um livro muito bem escrito, profundamente tocante e repleto de lições de vida....
Opinião completa aqui:
http://silenciosquefalam.blogspot.pt/...
Opinião completa aqui:
http://silenciosquefalam.blogspot.pt/...
May 7, 2016
This was a very sad and informative read, blending tidbits of valuable information with thought provoking observations. I remember reading a positive review of it several years ago and only wonder what he would make of the health care world at this present time.
March 14, 2009
I liked this book because it really makes you think about facing death. How hard do you fight and when maybe it's time to let go. Although i think it made me think so hard that i was sad.
July 17, 2009
This is tough to read and interesting at the same time.
March 28, 2010
Winakur's own story reveals the difficult choices that will likely confront all of us - what to do with Dad / Mom.
March 15, 2015
postal book club
Read
October 9, 2016Excellent book, compassionate and truthful.
May 13, 2020
A heartwarming book about caring for a loved one who is suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease. Highly Recommend.
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews