Present through the End: A Caring Companion's Guide for Accompanying the Dying

by Kirsten DeLeo

Present through the End offers guidance for anyone who is struggling to support someone at the end of life. The book helps us meet the challenges of accompanying the dying with clarity and kindness—both for the person who is dying and also for ourselves.

Inspired by decades of experience caring for the dying and years teaching contemplative care around the world, Kirsten DeLeo shares down-to-earth advice and short, simple “on the spot” exercises that anyone can follow. The book offers guidance and encouragement on a range of topics, including being present even though we may feel utterly helpless, loving when loss is just around the corner, and being fully alive to each moment as time runs out. The book shares wisdom on handling emotions, dealing with difficult relationships, talking about spiritual matters, taking care of yourself, what to do when you don’t know what to say, and more.

Genres: Nonfiction, Spirituality, Death, Self Help

192 pages, Paperback

Published August 27, 2019

About the author

Kirsten DeLeo (M.A., Johann Wolfgang Goethe-Universität, Frankfurt am Main) is a teacher in the field of contemplative care and leads courses, workshops, and retreats worldwide. For over twenty-five years she has accompanied terminally ill patients and their families.

Kirsten is trained in the Hakomi mindfulness-based somatic approach to psychotherapy and has been immersed in Buddhist study and practice for over twenty years, including a three-year meditation retreat. She is a member of the Harvard Buddhist Ministry working group.

Reviews

[Lisa J Shultz · Rating 4 out of 5]

For those who are in the midst of being with someone who is dying, this book provides valuable suggestions of how to be a loving and kind hearted companion. I appreciated that the author said one did not need to be perfect or fix things. It was nice to hear that one should stop trying too hard and instead focus on simply showing up and listening to the person. Being a loving, caring presence can help when there is panic or pain.
"We put pressure on ourselves to try to make things right again when they never can be, but also as a way to manage our deep sense of discomfort with suffering and pain. It's natural not to know what to do in these painful situations. Just being there is what matters most."

I liked how the author addressed the concern of not knowing what to say. "What can make the suffering more bearable for those who are struggling is for them to be able to share the weight of the situation with another person-to reveal their inner world, thoughts, and feelings, and to know that they are not alone. Listening plays a big part in accompanying a dying person. Listening deeply-free of any judgment, agenda, or need to fix things-is one of the most powerful gifts that you can offer."

The book is not long. I recommend it as a worthy and helpful read for those caring for the dying. 

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful and affirming.

[Andrea Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a wonderful guide for all types and ages of caregivers who are in need of sound advice and a trusted friend. I read it and marveled at the directness and simplicity of the information. It all makes sense and yet it is so profound. I brought it to a friends home who was being cared for by her sisters and brother. They all read parts of it and found important information to share with each other as the days unfolded. I believe that this book allowed for the family to care for her in a completely different way than if they had not encountered it. It gave them ideas on how to handle tough decisions and difficult situations.

I strongly recommend this book for anyone who is assisting a loved one in their final months.

[Ken · Rating 5 out of 5]

An easy to read, very much needed book on a sensitive topic. Great information.

[Arie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not always excited about authors combining prose, poetry, and quotations from other authors. However, this author did it quite well. The pacing was very comfortable and contemplative. I appreciated how DeLeo integrated eastern perspective throughout the book.

[Tiffanie Z. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for anybody walking with a loved one who is dying or with a terminal illness. Or reading for oneself in that season of life. Easy read designed for the non-medical layperson.

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

A small, beautiful, thoughtful book, and just what I need right now.

[Karen L · Rating 1 out of 5]

Long winded and boring!

I have read almost half of this book and can not read anymore. I really wish I hadn’t spent money on it. Run on sentences that make no sense whatsoever. The meditation the author recommends can be found on an app. This was not a helpful guide.

[Michelle Buenrostro · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's not easy, but to be at the bedside of a dying person is an important and valuable act of kindness. My mind was awfully foggy but this book helped provide some clarity during my daughter's final days. I enjoyed doing the meditations in this book. When I held her hand I inhaled her suffering, and exhaled her peace and happiness. Thank you.

[Steven Ridgely · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good information.