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274 pages, ebook
First published September 4, 2019
Why am I reading this? Because Renee Rose.
Why would I [normally] NOT read this? I have a bunch of reasons to avoid this sub-genre circling around in my head. Luckily for me, Eric Plume dropped some knowledge in one of my groups.Eric Plume says, "Well to start, where my information comes from; I'm a student of violence dynamics and interpersonal conflict, and I've studied both for ten years. I'm a published author on the topic (not self-pubbed either; an expert asked to write a piece), and have spoken to numerous experts on it. Reason; my first marriage was to a woman who, once we split after 12 years, was later diagnosed "severe paranoid schizophrenic". It was hell, and I wanted to better understand what had happened to me. So what I'm telling you is a byproduct of experience, observation, research and conversation with experts.
Okay. So the first fact I have to put out is that the average aggressive bully is a predator through and through. Their worldview is marked by a lack of empathy mated with a profound sense of entitlement. They harass, intimidate, molest and assault others around them because they like watching people squirm.
As to why, well...ever laughed at a Looney Toon? To a bully, their victims cowering and crying and begging is as amusing to them as Tom bonking Jerry in the head with a mallet is to us. Moreover, all that really prevents such a person from graduating to severe abuse (rape, murder, etc.) is not wanting to end up in prison.
Worse, as far as any experts have been able to tell, there is no way to re-habilitate them...because again, they like what they do. They go through whatever program they're put in, figure out what they're supposed to say and do, pretend to be 'cured' and go right back to it...only they are smarter now, because they have a better understanding of how to avoid getting caught.
A woman trying to engage such a person in a relationship is basically setting herself up to be horribly abused. There is no other possible outcome.
Now, the other personality type, the legit "Jerk with a Heart of Gold" is a completely different creature. It's a man with a lot of violence in his past (he's a combat veteran, he came from an abusive home or marriage, a gang-infested neighborhood, etc.) and as such has experience in hurting and possibly killing people. Thus, he has PTSD.
Two of the worst symptoms of PTSD (this is experience talking), are "black days" and "go buttons". The first is where a bad nightmare causes you to seriously wake up on the wrong side of the bed. You're tense, irritable, on the verge of snapping and worst of all your mind interprets every single social overture someone makes to be the prelude to an attack. As such, dealing with people is incredibly exhausting.
"go buttons" are the kind of triggers someone has when they've experienced extreme levels of violence, and they can be summed up as your mind deciding, "KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!" and whipping out a 1-2-3 attack combo before your conscious thoughts have a chance to check in. These kind of triggers are why war vets HATE the 4th of july, why certain smells make them break out in a cold sweat, and why you should never EVER try and sneak up on them for a gag.
Example; a friend of mine is a reformed criminal turned bodyguard. He's been shot at numerous times in his life, and several of those involved laser-attached firearms. He was at a friend's house, and their daughter was using a laser pointer to play with the cat. He grew very panicky...and worse, when the beam got too close, he leapt up, tackled his girlfriend and reached for where he usually carried his gun, screaming "DOWN!" It wasn't a good scene.
Another complicating factor is how incredibly difficult it is for men to seek treatment or care for mental health issues in our society. There's a lot of pressure to "suck it up", and a lot of men do. Plus, its difficult for me to convey just how incredibly common violence is in a man's life. As in, its just like sexual harassment is for you; the question isn't "have you experienced it" but rather "how MUCH have you experienced and how terrible has it been".
When THIS type of guy acts growly at a woman, its defensive - she did something to bother him and he wants her to go away. Moreover, he tries to keep people in general (but women in particular) away from him because he's terrified he'll mangle someone over a misunderstanding. This breed of grumpy go-away behavior is usually paired with anti-social loner behavior, so again she generally has to actively go bother him before she'll get barked at.
This kind of individual might sometimes act rude, but not aggressively so. Unlike the bully, he knows his mental state doesn't entitle him to treat others like shit and it definitely doesn't entitle him for any tolerance if he hurts someone, so he keeps people at bay to avoid the possibility.
Also, this type of man's experiences with extreme violence means that he can be incredibly patient and understanding when someone else is hurting (thus the "Heart of Gold" part) and can, in theory, be brought into a relationship.
I should also note that men like this who do find a loving relationship often treat their partners like gold - to the point where she has to be careful what she asks of him, because he will literally half kill himself just to make her happy.
Problem is, bully types often pretend to be like this in order to attract a woman...so they can trap her, torment her and string her along with the promise of change that never manifests. I don't know how many women have been taken in like this, but I'd wager there's a river of tears wider than the Colorado over it.
So yeah; the tl-dr version is the two types are quite different, one is Very Bad News, that one pretends to be like the other, and even the other can be Very Bad News unless he's handled properly.
Also, I should note: even the decent breed of "grumpy jerk" often comes with a big pile of capital-P Problems. Depression and suicidal thoughts are common; so too is drug and alcohol addiction. They also often drift into rough, dangerous environments and lifestyles because they feel more at home there. Biker culture is commonly where they go, but there are others.
So yeah; any woman looking to get a guy like this to open up to her for real would definitely have her work cut out for her.
Thank you, Eric!!


You know I need to be the guy who punishes you. And you need me to do it.
“I don’t want to let you go home. I want to tie you to that bed and keep you here forever.”
I will put a fucking crown on your head and parade you around this school as my rightful queen.
Maybe getting molested by a teacher has a silver lining. I’m learning to assert myself in all kinds of new ways.
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Alpha Bully (Wolf Ridge HIgh Book 1) By: Renee Rose