What do you think?
Rate this book
Global Perspectives on Aging
Gray Matters: Finding Meaning in the Stories of Later Life
Aging is one of the most compelling issues today, with record numbers of seniors over sixty-five worldwide. Gray Matters: Finding Meaning in the Stories of Later Life examines a diverse array of cultural works including films, literature, and even art that represent this time of life, often made by people who are seniors themselves. These works, focusing on important topics such as housing, memory loss, and intimacy, are analyzed in dialogue with recent research to explore how “stories” illuminate the dynamics of growing old by blending fact with imagination. Gray Matters also incorporates the life experiences of seniors gathered from over two hundred in-depth surveys with a range of questions on growing old, not often included in other age studies works. Combining cultural texts, gerontology research, and observations from older adults will give all readers a fuller picture of the struggles and pleasures of aging and avoids over-simplified representations of the process as all negative or positive.
- GenresNonfictionPsychology
288 pages, Hardcover
Published August 14, 2020
2 people are currently reading
101 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
November 29, 2020
“I want my Death to find me planting my cabbages, neither worrying about it nor the unfinished garden”.
“Creative, wide-ranging and well-written, ‘Gray Matters’ offers a many-sided, complex understanding of late-life. It demonstrates that this period of our lives interweaves our past and present, takes grit, and offers opportunities for positive experiences. For some, learning becomes more enjoyable, as the phrase ‘senior college’ indicates. ‘Gray Matters’ also skillfully shows that aging occurs in a social context, a fact often overlooked when the process is understood as solely an individual matter”. — Margaret Cruikshank, ( from the foreword)
I got so much value and enjoyment from reading “Gray Matters”, by Ellyn Lem. It’s PACKED FILLED with brilliance.....absolutely the best book I’ve read on life, living, and dying, since reading “Being Mortal”, by Atul Gawande.
The word *CREATIVE*....must be underlined when talking about this book.
Ellyn Lem’s research wasn’t just from gerontology— she surveyed over 200 real people over the ages of 65.... making the experience of reading this book heartfelt and personal. Censes facts were fascinating as well.
Added pleasures for book lovers, screen lovers of movies, Netflix, Hulu, HBO, Showtime, Amazon Prime, and other network watchers, will be smiling! There are so many fun tidbits and commentaries from literature, film, and television: many favorite authors, books, and screen entertainment is explored and examined throughout!
I found it exciting to read about books & authors I’ve read -and exciting to learn about books, authors, shows, I’ve missed - but now must add to my desired to read & watch list.
I could never do this book justice in a review.....as I ( being the chatterbox I am when excited), could fill pages of chatter that would just be the tip of an iceberg in this WONDERFUL ‘OLD FARTS’ BIBLE.
In “Being Mortal”, by Atul Gawande, I wrote: “Everyone who is going to ‘die’ should read this book”.
In “Gray Matter”, by Ellyn Lem....I’ll add ....”Everyone who it’s going to ‘grow older’.....into 60’s and up....should read this book.
Readers of ‘Gray Matters’, will be treated to tons of literature treasures as I’ve mentioned....that will deepen our thoughts, feelings, and understanding of age, aging, ageism, ..... focusing on Anthropology, ethnographically, theoretically related fields of sociology, religion, cultural studies, social medicine, medical humanities, gender and sexuality studies, human development, critical and cultural gerontology, and age studies.
Themes to expect:
.... finding meaning in stories of later life
.... senior parents and their adult children
.... housing options
.... memory loss
.... intimacy
.... men and women ( our differences and similarities)
.... Money, work, and retirement
....LIFE.....LIVING....(OVER THE AGE OF 65)....looking at a huge variety of topics ....(physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health)....from Alzheimer’s disease and other decline in memory and thinking, increased alcohol abuse that sometimes occurs after retirement, age discrimination, poverty, pension plans,, medical bills, job loss, divorce, single life, couples, [lots of film and books influenced & displayed stereotypes of aging are interwoven throughout], employment,, attractiveness and aging, longevity, ( comparisons between the United States and other countries...such as Okinawa, southern Japan), orthopedic surgeries, heart disease, throat, breast cancer, other cancers, illnesses, arthritis, disabilities, auto immune disorders, bone loss, hormonal shifts, menopause, suicide, medications and anti-depressants, social isolation, Community, living options, affordable health care, insufficient funds, proper treatment, hospice, racial and ethnic disparities, statistics, complications and dealing with aging parents and role reversals, estrangements, daycare, regrets, reconciliation, dysfunctional and coral some families, loyalty, displacement, forgiveness, compassion, disagreements, self-sacrifice, sources of stress & sources of pleasures.
The last chapter is devoted to:
DEATH.....( examining many aspects), with real people sharing a wide view of thoughts, wishes and feelings.
Favorite authors and their books were mentioned -
....Roz Chast, and her book “Cant We Talk About Something More Pleasant”.
.... Elizabeth Strout and her book “Olive Kitteridge”
....Atul Gawande’s, “Being Mortal”...
....Shakespeare, “King Lear”
....Colum McCann, “Thirteen Ways of Looking”
....Jane Smiley “Thousand Acres”
....Lauren Fox...”Days of Awe”
....Rachel Khong, “Goodbye Vitamin”
....Don DeLillo, “White Noise”
Etc etc....
Plus tons of actors, and authors mentioned in a variety of ways...( Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin in “The Kominsky Method”, and
Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda in “Grace and Frankie”, are a couple of examples)...
“Aging is one of the most compelling issues today, with record numbers of seniors over 65 worldwide”......
Ellyn Lem dived into this very ambitious topic.... incredibly poignant....with lightness and gusto, ....a true joy to read.
A book that I’d like to give as a gift to many of my best aging friends.
This book was written with real and balanced points of view about aging .....no panacea. Many older adults are living fulfilling creative lives, doing artwork, music, working, gardening, exercising, contributing by volunteering, writing book reviews, ( haha), staying connected with friends and families,
laughing .... experiencing a very full life.
Other older adults are lonely, too isolated, have a plate of worries medically and financially, and some are just ‘waiting-to-die’.
One of the parts in this book that I found very valuable —(I’ve already had a few discussions with friends over the weekend who came to visit for my birthday) — was about ‘adult-child relationships’ ( the pleasures and challenges....the closeness and distance.... the misunderstandings and the trust of gracious-love).
And....I absolutely loved everything literature-related!
“Literature offers myriad perspectives on every aspect of death from classical times through today.
The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus argued that people should not fear death because death is not bad for the living, who are not yet dead, and it is not bad for those who have died since they have no consciousness of being dead”.
“Contemporary writers have noted that most literary works actually show more of a fascination with death than a fear of it. Don DeLillo in ‘White Noise’, for example, comments that ‘all plots tend to move deathward’, and several of his other fictional works focus directly on death, such as the 2017 novel ‘Zero K’, about a man who wants to preserve the bodies of loved ones for a time when human life can be revived after death”.
“Margaret Atwood in a lecture delivered at Cambridge University entitled ‘Negotiating with the Dead’, acknowledged that all writing of the narrative kind and perhaps all writing is motivated deep down by a
preoccupation with mortality...the risky trip to the
underworld”.
“In Okinawa, southern Japan, home to women who live longer than anywhere else in the world, the groups are called moais, meaning a circle of friends who have stayed connected over their lifetimes. If social isolation is a deterrent for a long, healthy life, it would make sense that having a community of trusted friends would have positive results on longevity, and research has supported this linkage”.
The US Census Bureau predicts that between 2010 and 2015 the number of people aged 65 to 89 will double, and the number of those over 90 will quadruple”
“Despite our preferences and expectations, most of us will not be able to control how long we live”.
Wishing wholeheartedly to all my friends and family ways of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness.
Huge thanks to Ellyn Lem for this advance copy of “Gray Matters”.
Reading it has been invaluable .... deepening unlimited possibilities that lie before me.
“Creative, wide-ranging and well-written, ‘Gray Matters’ offers a many-sided, complex understanding of late-life. It demonstrates that this period of our lives interweaves our past and present, takes grit, and offers opportunities for positive experiences. For some, learning becomes more enjoyable, as the phrase ‘senior college’ indicates. ‘Gray Matters’ also skillfully shows that aging occurs in a social context, a fact often overlooked when the process is understood as solely an individual matter”. — Margaret Cruikshank, ( from the foreword)
I got so much value and enjoyment from reading “Gray Matters”, by Ellyn Lem. It’s PACKED FILLED with brilliance.....absolutely the best book I’ve read on life, living, and dying, since reading “Being Mortal”, by Atul Gawande.
The word *CREATIVE*....must be underlined when talking about this book.
Ellyn Lem’s research wasn’t just from gerontology— she surveyed over 200 real people over the ages of 65.... making the experience of reading this book heartfelt and personal. Censes facts were fascinating as well.
Added pleasures for book lovers, screen lovers of movies, Netflix, Hulu, HBO, Showtime, Amazon Prime, and other network watchers, will be smiling! There are so many fun tidbits and commentaries from literature, film, and television: many favorite authors, books, and screen entertainment is explored and examined throughout!
I found it exciting to read about books & authors I’ve read -and exciting to learn about books, authors, shows, I’ve missed - but now must add to my desired to read & watch list.
I could never do this book justice in a review.....as I ( being the chatterbox I am when excited), could fill pages of chatter that would just be the tip of an iceberg in this WONDERFUL ‘OLD FARTS’ BIBLE.
In “Being Mortal”, by Atul Gawande, I wrote: “Everyone who is going to ‘die’ should read this book”.
In “Gray Matter”, by Ellyn Lem....I’ll add ....”Everyone who it’s going to ‘grow older’.....into 60’s and up....should read this book.
Readers of ‘Gray Matters’, will be treated to tons of literature treasures as I’ve mentioned....that will deepen our thoughts, feelings, and understanding of age, aging, ageism, ..... focusing on Anthropology, ethnographically, theoretically related fields of sociology, religion, cultural studies, social medicine, medical humanities, gender and sexuality studies, human development, critical and cultural gerontology, and age studies.
Themes to expect:
.... finding meaning in stories of later life
.... senior parents and their adult children
.... housing options
.... memory loss
.... intimacy
.... men and women ( our differences and similarities)
.... Money, work, and retirement
....LIFE.....LIVING....(OVER THE AGE OF 65)....looking at a huge variety of topics ....(physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health)....from Alzheimer’s disease and other decline in memory and thinking, increased alcohol abuse that sometimes occurs after retirement, age discrimination, poverty, pension plans,, medical bills, job loss, divorce, single life, couples, [lots of film and books influenced & displayed stereotypes of aging are interwoven throughout], employment,, attractiveness and aging, longevity, ( comparisons between the United States and other countries...such as Okinawa, southern Japan), orthopedic surgeries, heart disease, throat, breast cancer, other cancers, illnesses, arthritis, disabilities, auto immune disorders, bone loss, hormonal shifts, menopause, suicide, medications and anti-depressants, social isolation, Community, living options, affordable health care, insufficient funds, proper treatment, hospice, racial and ethnic disparities, statistics, complications and dealing with aging parents and role reversals, estrangements, daycare, regrets, reconciliation, dysfunctional and coral some families, loyalty, displacement, forgiveness, compassion, disagreements, self-sacrifice, sources of stress & sources of pleasures.
The last chapter is devoted to:
DEATH.....( examining many aspects), with real people sharing a wide view of thoughts, wishes and feelings.
Favorite authors and their books were mentioned -
....Roz Chast, and her book “Cant We Talk About Something More Pleasant”.
.... Elizabeth Strout and her book “Olive Kitteridge”
....Atul Gawande’s, “Being Mortal”...
....Shakespeare, “King Lear”
....Colum McCann, “Thirteen Ways of Looking”
....Jane Smiley “Thousand Acres”
....Lauren Fox...”Days of Awe”
....Rachel Khong, “Goodbye Vitamin”
....Don DeLillo, “White Noise”
Etc etc....
Plus tons of actors, and authors mentioned in a variety of ways...( Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin in “The Kominsky Method”, and
Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda in “Grace and Frankie”, are a couple of examples)...
“Aging is one of the most compelling issues today, with record numbers of seniors over 65 worldwide”......
Ellyn Lem dived into this very ambitious topic.... incredibly poignant....with lightness and gusto, ....a true joy to read.
A book that I’d like to give as a gift to many of my best aging friends.
This book was written with real and balanced points of view about aging .....no panacea. Many older adults are living fulfilling creative lives, doing artwork, music, working, gardening, exercising, contributing by volunteering, writing book reviews, ( haha), staying connected with friends and families,
laughing .... experiencing a very full life.
Other older adults are lonely, too isolated, have a plate of worries medically and financially, and some are just ‘waiting-to-die’.
One of the parts in this book that I found very valuable —(I’ve already had a few discussions with friends over the weekend who came to visit for my birthday) — was about ‘adult-child relationships’ ( the pleasures and challenges....the closeness and distance.... the misunderstandings and the trust of gracious-love).
And....I absolutely loved everything literature-related!
“Literature offers myriad perspectives on every aspect of death from classical times through today.
The ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus argued that people should not fear death because death is not bad for the living, who are not yet dead, and it is not bad for those who have died since they have no consciousness of being dead”.
“Contemporary writers have noted that most literary works actually show more of a fascination with death than a fear of it. Don DeLillo in ‘White Noise’, for example, comments that ‘all plots tend to move deathward’, and several of his other fictional works focus directly on death, such as the 2017 novel ‘Zero K’, about a man who wants to preserve the bodies of loved ones for a time when human life can be revived after death”.
“Margaret Atwood in a lecture delivered at Cambridge University entitled ‘Negotiating with the Dead’, acknowledged that all writing of the narrative kind and perhaps all writing is motivated deep down by a
preoccupation with mortality...the risky trip to the
underworld”.
“In Okinawa, southern Japan, home to women who live longer than anywhere else in the world, the groups are called moais, meaning a circle of friends who have stayed connected over their lifetimes. If social isolation is a deterrent for a long, healthy life, it would make sense that having a community of trusted friends would have positive results on longevity, and research has supported this linkage”.
The US Census Bureau predicts that between 2010 and 2015 the number of people aged 65 to 89 will double, and the number of those over 90 will quadruple”
“Despite our preferences and expectations, most of us will not be able to control how long we live”.
Wishing wholeheartedly to all my friends and family ways of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness.
Huge thanks to Ellyn Lem for this advance copy of “Gray Matters”.
Reading it has been invaluable .... deepening unlimited possibilities that lie before me.
October 16, 2020
This book is a must read for anyone who cares about their life’s journey. Drawing from over 200 in-depth surveys with seniors and filled with pop-culture references to TV shows, movies, and books, Gray Matters helped me see things from an older person’s point of view and gave me a window into what I might expect as I get older. At a time when many of us are juggling our own families with helping our aging parents, this book is a helpful roadmap to navigating the feelings of aging. Many of my friends have dealt with these issues, whether helping their parents navigate senior housing choices or transportation and health issues.
It is easy to feel overwhelmed both for seniors and their families with the many issues that crop up as a person ages. This book gave me insight into how seniors feel, which is so important in terms of their dignity and care. I have filed away lessons from this book. I loved the references to books I have read, such as Olive Kitteridge, movies like Book Club, Something’s Got to Give and Our Souls at Night, and TV shows such as Grace and Frankie. The author, Ellyn Lem, an English professor at the University of Wisconsin, also references art work, which was fascinating to me. All of these cultural references made the issues more real and accessible for me as a reader. I also really enjoyed hearing from seniors directly, through their survey responses in the book.
Our society places such an emphasis on looking young and feeling young that we don’t give enough thought to growing older, something, hopefully, most of us will experience. This great book explores the topic with sensitivity and warmth. I am so glad I read it and recommend it to all my friends.
It took me awhile to read this because I wanted to savor it and really think about it as I read. So grateful to Ellyn Lem for this well-researched book, and proud to call her my friend. Do yourself a favor and pick this one up!
It is easy to feel overwhelmed both for seniors and their families with the many issues that crop up as a person ages. This book gave me insight into how seniors feel, which is so important in terms of their dignity and care. I have filed away lessons from this book. I loved the references to books I have read, such as Olive Kitteridge, movies like Book Club, Something’s Got to Give and Our Souls at Night, and TV shows such as Grace and Frankie. The author, Ellyn Lem, an English professor at the University of Wisconsin, also references art work, which was fascinating to me. All of these cultural references made the issues more real and accessible for me as a reader. I also really enjoyed hearing from seniors directly, through their survey responses in the book.
Our society places such an emphasis on looking young and feeling young that we don’t give enough thought to growing older, something, hopefully, most of us will experience. This great book explores the topic with sensitivity and warmth. I am so glad I read it and recommend it to all my friends.
It took me awhile to read this because I wanted to savor it and really think about it as I read. So grateful to Ellyn Lem for this well-researched book, and proud to call her my friend. Do yourself a favor and pick this one up!
September 21, 2022
Exceptionally clearly written and comprehensive look at growing and being old, with many relevant references to literature and media. The author, a professor who writes with a qualilty way above her station, does a good job weaving the research with the opinion with the conclusions. This is dry in some places, but better than a text book, this could make it as a consumer primer. Don't get old without it! Good critical writing.
November 30, 2024
This is a nicely written book that provides deep insights into the concerns and thoughts of older adults. It explores their challenges, what brings them happiness, and how they navigate their lives. This book is a valuable read for anyone caring for aging parents or wanting to envision their own experiences as they grow older.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews