What do you think?
Rate this book
Vank
‘A MUST-read for anyone who hasn’t laughed much lately.’
___________
Vank is a painfully funny and remarkably pointed appraisal about our world, and was inspired by the author’s dad Peter who, before getting stubbed out too soon from smoking too many roll-ups, would often lose his temper at things he didn't like or agree with, and then dismiss them as being ‘a load of vank!’ Peter was Hungarian, by the way, which explains the pronunciation ...if not the vulgarity.
Topics under fire include:
APOLLO LEADEN - full commentary on the descent stage of man
MIDDLE-AGED GUYS with not an ounce of flat on them
GYMS - where the quads and glutes and delts and pects, are the gods of brutes and svelte and sex
NAMING BABIES Hoist, Stiletto and Ladder to give them a free, albeit unsafe, leg up in life
AUTOMATIC DOORS, where we have to break our stride, our stride on final, on final approach to them
NETFLIX'S one and only continuity error
SPIDERS, and how it used to be spelt spiiiders until two legs got lopped off in a frenzied shoe attack
HOLIDAYS with a c view and fi-wi wi-fi (crap and ficking widiculous)
HARD DRUGS, and how bending over with an inhaler in your pocket can really chafe your thigh
GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS holding the record for the fastest hands rubbed together
HAVE A GOOD DAY – people telling us this when there’s only 15 minutes left of said day
PENCIL TOP ERASERS – made from a combo of dead cat tongue and equally gone off Hubba Bubba
CROP OVALS, which, 100%, are circles from above
LETTER BOXES – those hapless holes through which a stamp can just about be squeezed through
QUALITY STREET'S TOFFEE PENNY – good only for plugging holes in Nestlé’s profit sheets (and boats)
MODERN ARCHITECTURE'S flat-packed, fat-packed blocks, built quick to make a big, thick, sick stack
SCHADENFREUDE – not an easy thing to admit having or, with missing dentures and a fat lip, to say
YEAR-ROUND SUNTANS that camouflages our other, marginally less dangerous, addiction to Nutella
COSMETIC WORDING – a fake scientific blend to create redensified, unregulatoryfied, facial matter
MODERN ART, in the shape of turds on canvas
...you get the picture (although hopefully not in that last example).
Anyway, enjoy!
N.B. Once you’ve had pleasure from this book then don’t forget to let people know about it, because the more positive reviews Vank gets then the greater likelihood that you’ll be able to lie down again soon (or sit down, stand up, or however you do it) to enjoy Another Vank.
___________
Vank is a painfully funny and remarkably pointed appraisal about our world, and was inspired by the author’s dad Peter who, before getting stubbed out too soon from smoking too many roll-ups, would often lose his temper at things he didn't like or agree with, and then dismiss them as being ‘a load of vank!’ Peter was Hungarian, by the way, which explains the pronunciation ...if not the vulgarity.
Topics under fire include:
APOLLO LEADEN - full commentary on the descent stage of man
MIDDLE-AGED GUYS with not an ounce of flat on them
GYMS - where the quads and glutes and delts and pects, are the gods of brutes and svelte and sex
NAMING BABIES Hoist, Stiletto and Ladder to give them a free, albeit unsafe, leg up in life
AUTOMATIC DOORS, where we have to break our stride, our stride on final, on final approach to them
NETFLIX'S one and only continuity error
SPIDERS, and how it used to be spelt spiiiders until two legs got lopped off in a frenzied shoe attack
HOLIDAYS with a c view and fi-wi wi-fi (crap and ficking widiculous)
HARD DRUGS, and how bending over with an inhaler in your pocket can really chafe your thigh
GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS holding the record for the fastest hands rubbed together
HAVE A GOOD DAY – people telling us this when there’s only 15 minutes left of said day
PENCIL TOP ERASERS – made from a combo of dead cat tongue and equally gone off Hubba Bubba
CROP OVALS, which, 100%, are circles from above
LETTER BOXES – those hapless holes through which a stamp can just about be squeezed through
QUALITY STREET'S TOFFEE PENNY – good only for plugging holes in Nestlé’s profit sheets (and boats)
MODERN ARCHITECTURE'S flat-packed, fat-packed blocks, built quick to make a big, thick, sick stack
SCHADENFREUDE – not an easy thing to admit having or, with missing dentures and a fat lip, to say
YEAR-ROUND SUNTANS that camouflages our other, marginally less dangerous, addiction to Nutella
COSMETIC WORDING – a fake scientific blend to create redensified, unregulatoryfied, facial matter
MODERN ART, in the shape of turds on canvas
...you get the picture (although hopefully not in that last example).
Anyway, enjoy!
N.B. Once you’ve had pleasure from this book then don’t forget to let people know about it, because the more positive reviews Vank gets then the greater likelihood that you’ll be able to lie down again soon (or sit down, stand up, or however you do it) to enjoy Another Vank.
250 pages, Paperback
Published April 2, 2020
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
No one has reviewed this book yet.