Favorite Quotes:
I don’t want to be a person with a rap sheet. Orange is not a good color on me.
Anna will kick my ass when she finds out, and don’t say she won’t find out because we both know that’s a lie. Nobody gossips like the barflies and the Baptists.
First of all, Cage is not scary looking… Just because the men around here walk hunched over, dragging their knuckles like their Neanderthal forefathers, doesn’t mean it’s wrong to be tall. He can’t help it.
“That cucumber,” he says, pointing to my hands. “You’ve been squeezing it for a few minutes now. If it’s not firm enough, I can maybe go to the back and see if we have any fresh off the truck.” It’s then I realize Johnny works here at the grocery store and I have a large cucumber in my hands… stroking it. When did I get to the produce section? And when did the produce section get so erotic? Is it hot in here? … What am I here for again?
She’s the incarnation of Satan. Asher and Mindy aren’t going to have a bouncing bundle of joy, they’re going to have a devil love child. I should alert the media. This has a horror movie written all over it.
I thought it was fictional, something women made up or only happened in pornos… I’m Jell-O. My bones have turned to mush and I’ll have to spend the rest of my days just oozing through life… Here lies Tempest Cassidy. It took twenty-eight years, but she finally found out what it was like to have multiple orgasms and cunnilingus. And then she died.
My Review:
I giggle-snorted, smirked, and laughed aloud while reading this wittily penned tale. I am new to the dynamic duo of Jiffy Kate, silly me, where I have been? Their writing style was seamless, cleverly amusing, comically descriptive, keenly observant, and sharply honed to conjure sharp visuals that had me bouncing in my chair with gleeful delight.
Tempest, the Donner Bakery’s Duchess of Muffins, has gone off the rails, she seemed to have lost control of her temper after catching her husband in bed with her high school nemesis; I would imagine that certainly would do it for me too. Her vindictive acts of retribution were landing her in jail, racking up $$ in fines, and landed her in anger management. Her ex seemed to have ended up with all the friends but luckily for her, Tempest was befriended by a gorgeously handsome and well-sculpted new resident. Cage was a retired UFC fighter turned strip club bouncer – and he soon had her back, much to Tempest’s pious Bible banging mother’s horror.
Having been raised in a small, inbred town in the South, as well as surviving a ridiculously and stridently religious mother myself, I totally identified with the narrow-minded and petty small community complications and issues Tempest was floundering with. While I empathized with her plight, I frequently wanted to give her a few good kicks to dislodge her cranium from her colon. I was besotted and enamored with the sexy Cage; he was not at all what I would have expected from an MMA fighter, as he was highly intelligent, insightful, tenderhearted, patient, and my new BBF. Of course, being that he was perfect, he was like a unicorn and the type of man that could only exist on my Kindle.