Failure to Launch: Why Your Twentysomething Hasn't Grown Up...and What to Do About It

by Mark McConville

From an expert in adolescent psychology comes a groundbreaking, timely, and necessary guide for parents of the 2.2 million young adults in America who are struggling to find their way in the world.

In Dr. Mark McConville's decades of experience as a family clinical psychologist, perhaps no problem has been more fraught than that of young adults who fail to successfully transition from adolescence into adulthood. These kids--technically adults--just can't get it They can't hold a job, they struggle to develop meaningful relationships, and they often end up back in their parents' spare bedroom or on the couch. In fact, studies show that one in four Americans aged twenty-five to thirty-four neither work nor attend school, and it's a problem that spans all socioeconomic and geographic boundaries.

McConville investigates the root causes of this Why are modern kids "failing to launch" in ever-increasing numbers? The key, McConville has found, is that they are struggling with three critical skills that are necessary to make the transition from childhood to adulthood--finding a sense of purpose, developing administrative responsibility, and cultivating interdependence. In Failure to Launch , McConville breaks these down into achievable, accessible goals and offers a practical guide for the whole family, to help parents instill those skills in their young adults--and to get their kids into the real world, ready to start their lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Self Help, Education, Audiobook, Psychology, Philosophy

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 7, 2020

Reviews

[Kristy Li · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel like I'm cheating with this review because I didn't actually read the whole book.

With psychology books, I feel that every detail has to be true because, well, it's a non-fiction book right? So when I find that many details/reasons/facts are inaccurate I have to put down the entire book. This is what happened with this one.

Obviously, I am only a student and the author is a very experienced, well-respected psychologist. Dr. McConville is very well-spoken, empathetic, and at times humorous. But the problem I had with this book did not have anything to do with McConville's methods or research. The problem I had was with the McConville's reasoning for why young adults are "failing to launch."

Many of the reasons he lists I agree with: the economy (inflation is so bad young adults can't even afford to move out), society's standards (young people don't need to get married right after graduation), and the cost of education (many people have difficulty paying for higher education). But there are a few other reasons he lists that make me skeptical:

1. The Fear of Freedom (One reason young adults can't become independent is because they have found a safety net in the form of high school. There, teens become so accustomed to having everything done for them that they become scared of doing things for themselves). Personally, I just don't think this is true at all. I'd like to argue that teen crave freedom more after being told what to do. The teenagers that McConville talks about, the ones who are scared no one will tell them what time to wake up or what assignment is due when, don't exist. I've never heard "I didn't read this book because no one told me to!" I've always heard "I didn't read this book because it's boring as hell, it doesn't teach me anything valuable, and it takes time away from me doing actual important things." Which brings me tO MY NEXT POINT!

2. Schoolwork equates to growing up. (The second reason young adults can't become independent is because they slack on the schoolwork. They do this cause homework reminds them of the life ahead of them, and that scares them). Anyone who has ever been in school ever knows that homework is the exact opposite of something that reminds you that you're aging. Homework is busywork that enhances the understanding of subjects that teenagers hate. So that's why they don't do it. Depending on the subject it's useless and time-consuming.

3. They're lazy? They rely too much on their parents? I don't know what to call the third reason but this quote sums it up: "'What's your strategy?' I asked him. His honesty was disarming, and certainly he spoke for many seniors in the same situation. 'Nothing. I'm not going to do anything. Sooner or later my parents will step in. I figure that's how this is going to get done.'" Basically, McConville is talking to a high school senior about college applications. Maybe I'm stupid, but I don't see anything wrong with how the kid is approaching his applications. I did my applications the same way: I waited for my parents to hire some guy to help me. That senior is just doing what my peers and I did. Ya know why? Cause when you're a senior in high school, the school doesn't care how or if you apply to college. They just care about taking care of you til graduation. Ever wonder why school doesn't teach you taxes? This is why. They don't care. They just want you out of their campus so the next class can step in to fill their pockets. So why would they care about spending extra on making sure we do well after high school? If we can't rely on our school, we have to rely on our parents and peers.

Failure to Launch Syndrome is more of a product of our failed intitutions than a result of being rebellious in your teenage years. And for this oversight, I could not finish this book.

[Katelyn Jenkins · Rating 1 out of 5]

A failure to launch.

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a first time parent to an adult, it should be obvious to anyone that I dont know what I'm doing. I keep making it up as I go. Only thing is, I also keep getting the feeling that I'm frustrating my adult child. So naturally I turned to a book.

The title makes any concerned parent think they will gain the answers to how to help their struggling "emerging adult." Well, kind of. There are plenty of tips and pointers in this book, but it's mostly for the parents learning a new way to relate to their adult offspring. Say what? There are more than a few things I was doing not quite right. (I don't say wrong because heck, when you love someone, it's probably not wrong but maybe misguided.)

There is a chapter for the emerging adult at the end of the book. I would love to send just that chapter to my son and then chat about it. But I don't approve of destroying books (i.e. tearing a chapter out of the book and mailing it) and I think the title of what I'm reading would raise the hackles on my son. Plus it's a library book.

As for the style of writing, I would say it is the perfect blend of technical jargon and lingo in the field of psychology and apropos real life examples. McConville did a great job of putting into words things I suspect my adult child is feeling but hasn't been able to tell me. And he gave me translations of what I've been feeling that I can share without offending my son (hopefully).

The short answer is I found this book very helpful. It's amazing how many of these transitioning to adulthood struggles we forget or block out.

[joyce w. laudon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book will be helpful to parents, mental health professionals and young adults who are trying to understand why it can feel/be so hard to grow up.  The author, a clinical family psychologist, writes in an easy to read style and includes many case examples to illustrate the complexity of what it is like to be in your 20s in the 21st century.  Doctor McConville talks about some of the reasons why "launching" is harder right now.  He clearly explains some of the issues and offers insights on these challenges.  For example, he worked with a young man who could not make the necessary phone calls to obtain a summer job.  The reader learns the reason why this was the case.  Parents will understand more about why their young adults, seemingly bafflingly, continue to act more like teens.

The book includes sections elaborating on the skills that young adults need to master and the ways in which parents can help.   It is an excellent resource and I recommend it highly.

Of note:  I wish that this title had been around when I was transitioning to college.  It helped me to better understand why I was struggling a bit.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG! Excellent pragmatic source to help with the struggle of raising our kids! Helicopter, vs support to finally becoming a consultant for our children. But how do we stop the same old behaviors on both parts - he gives excellent insight and suggestions. Even makes you think about issues you may have with your spouse and why we always nag over the SOS!

[Carla Bayha · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a rare book on developmental child psychology and parenting, that can capture the interest of a reader not actively involved in childcare. Yet, this book caught mine. McConville explores, using examples from his private practice, three types of transitions that adolescents must navigate on their way to adulthood: becoming responsible administrators for their own lives (e.g. paying bills and keeping appointments); making supportive new relationships with friends and mentors, while moving their parents from a supervisor to a counselor role; finding direction and commitment, i.e. relevancy, in their new adult world. Reading Failure to Launch, you may start looking in a new light at the behaviors of other family members--not just your child, but also your partner, parent, sibling, and of course, yourself! The author also addresses the complications of anxiety, guilt, shame, depression, catastrophizing (particularly in parents), and risk avoidance. This is a motivational master class in family dynamics.

[Melanie McArthur · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It’s written from a place of caring and experience. I love psychology, and there was plenty of it in this book.
It gives practical advice to parents, and helps them to remember what growing up was like. It helps parents shift their mindset and subsequently their actions to be more supportive. Ultimately it helps them move towards an adult relationship with their child - instead of an adolescent one.
Some take aways: “All parents are crazy. They love their sons and daughters so much, they sometimes can’t see why their best intentions are not helping.”
For transitioners: you don’t have to figure out your life over night. Most people only find out what they want to do with the rest of their lives around 30. You just need to find something you like and that you’re good at. Let it be the start of your path. Other things will start to fall into place as you continue your journey.
Take ownership of your life, your health and learn administrative responsibility. None of these things come naturally. Parents should not forget that these things need to be learned and they may not be simple for some.
Parents need to recognize what is their business & what is not. You can’t ask your child to be independent and then work to oversee every aspect of their lives. Parents need to work towards being a consultant and not a micromanager. It’s hard to know when to shift gears.
Just because a transitioner is working towards independence doesn’t mean they need to go at everything alone. They should know that support is always there - should they need it. It cannot be forced upon them & it should not be used simply to push the parent’s agenda.
Transitioners and parents alike would enjoy this book. There are so many relatable real world examples. A very good read.

[Gina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book after seeing several cases like these at my work from concerned parents. It might be helpful for affected families but I personally found the themes a bit redundant. However I can see how seeing variations of the message reinforcing for families in this situation.

[Samantha Rodriguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful with my 19 year old who is trying to figure out his future

[Michelle Vandepol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant guide to emerging adulthood from a family psychologist with decades of experience in private practice. Sidestep pitfalls, correct missteps, and enjoy the journey together.

[Lara Mckee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book offered some valuable insights for me as a parent. There is a chapter specifically for your child if you can get them to read/listen to it. It provided some great take-aways for me

[Andreea · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this up because my family keeps experiencing conflicts and flare-ups related to the topic. They tend to bail out my siblings (in their mid 20s) when life gets tough, and it always makes them feel miserable as a result. They complain (mostly to me, seemingly), but then no one changes anything, and it’s back to square one until next time.

The book helped me reflect on what's happening, similar events from my own childhood, and what we could do to overcome these challenges. It’s given me useful arguments to establish boundaries with them and show them how to set firmer boundaries of their own.

The author is a self-declared millennial (30-something at time of writing) with 10 years of experience as physician. He's got plenty of practical insights, but I rated this 2 because the insights are let down by poor editing and self-publicity and patting on the back.

Anyway, the main idea is that - excluding serious clinical cases of substance abuse and deeper trauma - parents are a huge reason why many young adults ‘fail to launch’:

* They’re too anxious to ask for what they want and exercise their power;
* They’re too concerned with what the child will think of them;
* They feel sorry for their children (“poor baby, what will they do?")
* They project traits or imagined potential onto their child, that the child either doesn’t have or doesn’t wish for themselves (e.g. be a doctor, the next Nobel prize winner, etc.)
* They’re diverting attention from their own issues and disagreements.

In short, parents coddle out of misplaced love. They let the child stay at home rent-free, pay for their groceries, a credit card, etc. This translates into learned helplessness for the child:

* They child might have no clue what they want from life;
* They don't exercise agency, because everything's been taken care of
* They feel crippling anxiety when they finally have to encounter life's realities;
* They lack working accountability systems to keep them honest, in a virtuous loop

To address that, the author developed his own method for working with both adult clients and their parents, which he describes at length in the book.

If you want to look smart, just read two chapters: the one where he explains his process for young adults, and the one for what parents need to do to make the launch a success.

He follows a logical process that gets young adults to:
1. See their reasoning as faulty, egocentric BS (e.g. when they blame for all their ills, but fail to see how they're a burden on their parents)
2. See their behaviors as a conscious choice (e.g. to be passive and let mom and dad handle things)
3. Discover what they like, what is realistic, and make plans to accomplish their stated goals.

In short, help them deal with the cognitive dissonance that ensues when they realize what they do (sleep, play, go out with friends, chill) is counter to what they say they want (money, degrees, toys, etc.), and work from there.

He does make a good point that many young adults end up seeing life through proverbial “shit goggles.” At some point, they stop getting praise from their parents and teachers and start internalizing they’re good for nothing (and so on). This can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy, but mom and dad bail you out, so... "why bother?"

As a parent, if you think you don't have “any power” to change things, you can try his eye-opening exercise: list all the things you do for children for free, and imagine what would happen if they were taken away. This will help you see that you do hold most of the cards in the situation; all you have to do is play them. Done the right way, this will make the child feel unpleasant but needed emotions that can spur behavior change.

Outside of that, there are few 'to-dos' and few practical takeaway for parents because: a) it takes two to tango, and b) by the time parents think there's a problem, they've missed out on a lot of opportunities to change things or examine their own enabling behaviors. As the author puts it, "many parents don't have the ego-strength to make [needed] changes on their own.

[Ann-Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I;m not sure why I read a book about failing to launch when my oldest kiddos is only ten. Probably just because I enjoy reading parenting books. This one offered lots of food for thought. I especially appreciated the distinction between parent as "supervisor" transiting into parent as "consultant" as the child ages. A lot of this book focused on communication between the parents and child. I imagine it is a very frustrating situation when you know what your adult kid needs to do and why don't they just do it already!??! I also felt very validated when, in a letter he wrote to the struggling transitioner, he makes the point that it's ok that they may not feel like an adult. That actually, half of adults don't feel like adults most of the time. This is so me!! I just turned 40 and still feel like I'm 24 (well, not physically!) He takes a real life example or two in each chapter of families he has word with as a clinical psychologist. I really appreciated seeing how his advice played out in a real situation, and not just theoretically.

Reading this book also made me remember the important things I read about in The Gift of Failure. Letting them fail when they are kids and the stakes are low provides them opportunities to learn. As opposed to saving them through all of high school and then they struggle to make the transition - and they don;t pay the car loan, or show up to work late, etc.

[Angel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was talking to my coworker about my son's lack of motivation and he recommended this book, so I decided to put this book on hold at the library. A couple weeks ago when I picked up the book from the library and before I started to read it he gave me an update and he told me that his son has two jobs now... so I personally know someone who this book worked for, which motivated me to read it even more.

My son isn't twenty yet and this book for parents of "twenty something's" can go all the way up to parents of children up to age 35. I am not sure if I will buy this book or not, but I did learn alot from it and I am glad that I read it.

This next part isn't really a review, its just some notes that I took when reading the book that I will type here. If you read it that's fine, but it's more like a journal for me so I can throw the paper away now, but also remember what I wrote.

(Page 134)
"The surest cure for perfectionism is parenting!" Parenting humbles, pure and simple. And if the goal of parenting is to launch our children into happy and successful adulthood, then parents of struggling transitions may be the humblest of them all.

(Page 137)
There is nothing you can do about the past except to acknowledge it and move on.

(Page 150)
When we form a family, we create an implicit web of expectations and assumptions for our children concerning what matters in life, how people can and should behave, and how the world works.

(Page 169)
This push and pull - this back-and-forth negotiation of ownership and responsibility - is the essence of what it means to parent.

[Deborah Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

If there was a higher rating than five this book gets it. Best I have read on the topic of raising one between the ages of 18–29. He calls them emerging adults. This book is for those with struggling emerging adults. Book first offers stories. Then he explains the developments stages of this age group. The rest of the book guides those involved with helping the struggling emerging adult. A must ready for anyone who has a child this age or for any mental health professional who is attempting to help parents or adults this age. A book that provides direction and hope.

[Heather Hartwig · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was incredibly helpful in giving me concrete things I can do to start treating my struggling transitioner like an adult and to stop enabling behaviors that I don’t want to tolerate in my home. I highly recommend this book to parents of young adults who are struggling in some way to move towards adulthood.

[Mark Phinney · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting and informative. Helps explain why my 35-year old stepson is still living in the same room for the past 30 years and why he apparently has no internal motivation to grow up. Also sheds a light on what my wife and I have been doing wrong.

[Maryann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some helpful points here. What is my business vs what is my kid’s? I am available to consult about your business if you need me.

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rec'd copy via #GoodReadsGiveaway.
Thank-you Mr. McConville for making a copy available.

My interest in this book is purely personal. I have absolutely no professional experience in counseling. But, as a parent of 18 yo twins (b/g), who no sooner hit their senior year of H.S. than, Covid hit... yeah. We've had our bumps. And actually, those extend even farther back. In seeking tools to help our family communicate better; I turn to books. When things stop working, I read. I search out answers any place I can find them, hoping to come up with solutions. VIABLE solutions. FEASIBLE solutions. Solutions that work for me. This book worked.

McConville's book upon initial inspection appears to be more of a 'clinical' Psych college course manual. Do not be deceived. This is written with struggling families in mind. Once you open the book, get past the initial pages; it becomes clear how valuable the information McConville's presenting is. This is definitely one of the better books on dealing with teen/emerging adults.

Please do not assume, this will replace family/individual therapy. But it was incredibly reassuring to see that the things our therapist kept trying to convey were not only re-iterated by McConville, but phrased in such a manner that we could APPLY the behavior modifications. The information also comes in digestible chapters formatted to a) present what common behavior isn't working, case example(s) followed by what experts are saying & what McConville himself has found in his decades of helping kids & parents (Ah-Ha! moments). At the very end, he summarizes key things to focus on, giving you ways to apply it. It also makes it easier to go back & reference things you might want to review.

In his lovely chapt on Boundaries, I no sooner finished the section; when my 18 yo daughter came in to inform me she was moving out. Without going into details (not my story), the old me would have immediately fell into the 'parental trap' of trying to reason with her. The new me, after having my own Ah-Ha moment, followed McConville's suggestion. I gave her responsibility for her own life decisions & told her dad & I would be there to help answer questions & provide what help we could. Including letting her know, first time moving out doesn't always work and that she would have a home with us until she was ready to try again. She's very responsible. Mom just wasn't ready to let go. McConville nailed it. Our family therapist has been trying to get us to see this. It is almost counter-intuitive, but it worked. We now have stronger communication with our daughter.

My mother once told me, "I can tell you don't do that! a hundred times & you would still do that. But when someone else told you not to do it, you'd listen." Having the same message reiterated in different ways by different people is how most of us learn. We don't always get things the first go-around. This book is here to supplement what you may already know... but don't know where/how to start.

Unfortunately, McConville does an excellent job in calling out some exceptions that might impact outcomes: ADD/ADHD, dyslexia... But, he failed to mention Autism. Perhaps, because it has its own unique set of problems, but for those of us who have moderate to high-functioning family members, the rules don't often apply. There is often a huge difference in how information is assimilated that can't be overcome with traditional behavioral therapies. Hence, four stars. This is something, that I felt warrented addressing, as many of the parents we encountered in therapy, often were struggling with one or more kid on the autism spectrum. For us, we may end up with one child living well into adulthood with us. But, does that mean, these options don't apply? Perhaps, they need 'tweaking'? I ended with as many questions unanswered as I did answered.

But in the end, I found McConville's book rephrased what we'd been paying therapists for & gave us techniques and behaviors to focus on that felt 'do-able'. Ideally, I would recommend you read this before your kids turn 13. But if, like me, and your eyeball deep in the bog with late-teen/early 20-somethings; it's nice to have someone on the bank coaching you where the boundaries are and how to get unstuck~

[porcelaincrusader · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is aimed at parents, but I, as someone who is struggling to become an independent adult, have found it useful too. I expected this to be a difficult read as I thought the author would be judgmental about people like me (which I thought I deserved actually). However, I found myself comforted and understood. The book explores the reasons that cause young people to avoid responsibility, including shame and fear of uncertainty, instead of labeling them lazy or stupid. It explains how parents may be responsible too. At the same time, it does not put blame on either party and instead shows how to accept the mistakes that were made in the past and improve the current situation.
I probably have to mention that the book doesn’t discuss abusive parents, and in all the examples mentioned parents are willing to help their children and participate in therapy, so keep that in mind. It obviously won’t replace therapy and may not be that helpful if the child has severe mental issues, but it does give some advice on where to seek professional help. Also this book mostly talks about the experiences of white upper-class US citizens since they make up the majority of the author’s clients, but I’m none of these except being white, and I still related to a lot of things it discusses.
So, again, I liked it and I think it’s worth a try, but I can’t guarantee that it’ll be useful to everyone. Therefore, I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

[Debbie Hagan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the most comprehensive book I'm aware of on this topic and advice (and direction) so many of us trying to launch an adult child desperately need. McConville spends the first half of his book going over case studies...conflicts he has dealt with between parents and their children over boundaries and moving forward. The thing is, those of us who have an adult child living at home are all too familiar with these scenarios. What we want is to move on and FIX it. McConville's "case studies" give context to what he has to say later--130 pages or into the book. His advice is simple, makes sense, nonthreatening, and seems almost too simple. His advice boils down to this: set boundaries, treat your "child" as an "adult," and shift your own and your child's thinking away from seeing you as the caretaker/parent to being more of a loving guide/mentor/sounding board. It makes sense, and when I tried it, the results were far better than the nagging and threatening. This book is definitely worth a read for all those struggling with an adult child who's stuck and unable to move on.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book about parenting young adults - especially those who are having a difficult time as they transition from adolescence to adulthood, which is happening more and more in our society. This book is interesting and highly readable, and so very helpful. I had heard the author, Mark McConville, who is a Ph.D. and family therapist, on a postcast last year, and the things he said really resonated with me. I then asked my own family therapist about this book, and he gave it a resounding endorsement. This is an excellent book for any parent who is trying to help a twenty-something child, grow up, deal with issues and make his or her own way in the world. It also has great ideas for any kind of challenging family communication, which many people experience. Highly recommended reading.

[Andy Cantrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting perspective on emerging adulthood told from a therapeutic lens. The blending of annecdotes and real-world advice makes the subject easily readable, approachable, and understandable. Having worked with this population myself and am currently in the process of dealing with my own emerging adult, I definitely got something out of it.


"But these life transitions are also times of heightened vulnerability and uncertainty, when newly required skills and capabilities are still works in progress and very much unproven. Sheehy writes, “With each passage from one stage of human growth to the next, we . . . must shed a protective structure. We are left exposed and vulnerable—but also yeasty and embryonic again, capable of stretching in ways we hadn’t known before."

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have teenagers, read this book. Though it says it’s geared toward the 20 something, it has a lot of information for parents with kids transitioning to “adulthood“. It’s not a clinically written book so it reads well and will resonate with you on one point or 20 points. I read this as a library book but I’m actually ordering a copy of it because I want to highlight the heck out of it. One key point was don’t confuse your preferences with your expectations. Another key point was to change the parental role from a supervisor/caretaker to that of a consultant. Again some really great points and perspectives to consider. Well worth the read

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

If your adult child has an obvious issue that needs addressing, like a learning disability, a mental disorder, addiction, or if you as a parent have always run their lives, micromanaged them, and/or swooped in to save them when things went awry instead of letting them learn responsibility & accountability (while you were there to bounce ideas off of or act as a safety net when they really needed one), then this book will be wildly helpful for you, as most of the patient examples provided illustrate how to "fix" these issues to facilitate growth in your young adult.

If your adult child, however, went from being a fun, passionate, responsible & respectful self-starter in high school who you did not micromanage so they learned to meet deadlines, set their own schedule, figure out tough things (with your help only if needed), & has transformed into 20-something with no drive, no passion, no interests, & you're completely baffled as to what the heck happened or what the heck to do to encourage them onto a path, any path, then this is not the book for you...

PS - we already did "let go" of trying to encourage her to choose a path, or even start looking at different paths, & still, nothing has happened. We don't "nag", suggest, encourage, etc. So while it may have worked for this author's patient example when the mom got involved in their grand children's lives & so he "felt free" to do what he wanted bc they weren't "hounding" him anymore, that HAS NOT worked for us so it's obviously not a "one size fits most/all" solution as he tried to show.

I gave it 3 stars, however, because it DOES include a super helpful "letter from the author/therapist" that you can hand to your young adult to "start the conversation"... 🤷🏼‍♀️ We'll see...

[Barbara Ryba · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great insight to a common household concern, the twenty-something still living at home. This book was very encouraging to a mom that is patient (yet not). I want my children to strive for themselves but the number of choices and chances is overwhelming. Too many kids are afraid of a future with bills and cost of living so high and college just so expensive, we are holding kids to a hardline of "what if's."
Still being patient but a good book to help us understand- our kids is not the only one facing this hard time.

[Anna I McClain · Rating 5 out of 5]

The word "failure" doesn't quite work for me since Mark McConville's intention is not really about seeing kids as failures in the launch, but as kids who have stalled or completely stopped moving forward into adulthood for a variety of signficiant reasons. The book offers solid advice based on many years of experience on how parents can identify long-held dynamics and their own subtle patterns of enabling/rescuing that may be perpetuating prolonged adolescent behavior. The book offers solid advice to parents on how to move from fixer/advisor to consultant/collaborator. An excellent read.

[Danica Martinez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book written with empathy towards both the young adults and their parents. 6/5 stars of I could. It also made me think about my own struggles becoming an adult and all of the shame I carried with me. Does it address every iteration of problems and struggles young adults face? No, but it’s general enough to be helpful. The only thing I don’t love about the book is the title, but of course it’s catchy and I can see where people would pick up the book because of the connection to the movie of the same title.

[Karen Ng · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing book about the scary scenarios and unproductive mentality high school seniors face nowadays and how to help them overcome these obstacles: making the transition from teen to adult a bit smoother.
To be an adult, we need to learn
1) to be responsible,
2) to be relational, and finally
3) to berelevant.
An overly helpful parent or teacher definitely hinders the teen's ability to make subjective, responsible decisions.

[Linda Oleszczuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m rating this five stars because the information contained in it is probably some of the most valuable I’ve ever read. Knowing that stalled 20ish young adults are more common than I thought has been a huge relief! Also of note, this book was pre-Covid so I’m sure the numbers are worse now, I gained a new perspective and I hope this one stays with me a long time, to help me be a better Mom. A must read imho.