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Toxicity in the Workplace: Coping with Difficult People on the Job
Navigating a toxic work environment―a guide to managing difficult colleagues and stressful situations
There are everyday challenging work relationships, and then there are situations that go beyond the ordinary―situations that push you to the edge. Written by a clinical psychologist who is knowledgeable about the mental disorders that can cause toxic behavior, Toxicity in the Workplace will help you understand why your difficult colleagues act the way they do and gain practical strategies for negotiating more peaceful, productive solutions.
Armed with new insight into your colleagues’ behaviors, you will learn pragmatic techniques that will give you the confidence to advocate for yourself and, when needed, remove yourself from uncomfortable situations and conversations.
This book about dealing with toxic behavior in the workplace includes:
Techniques for everyone―Learn approaches for communication with toxic people at all levels within an organization that are tailored to various problematic behaviors.
Understand deeper motivations―Common anxiety, mood, and personality disorders are explained.
Learn by example―Vivid case studies illustrate familiar scenes at work and model how you can respond respectfully and assertively.
When you’re looking for a book about how best to deal with difficult people at work, look no further than Toxicity in the Workplace.
There are everyday challenging work relationships, and then there are situations that go beyond the ordinary―situations that push you to the edge. Written by a clinical psychologist who is knowledgeable about the mental disorders that can cause toxic behavior, Toxicity in the Workplace will help you understand why your difficult colleagues act the way they do and gain practical strategies for negotiating more peaceful, productive solutions.
Armed with new insight into your colleagues’ behaviors, you will learn pragmatic techniques that will give you the confidence to advocate for yourself and, when needed, remove yourself from uncomfortable situations and conversations.
This book about dealing with toxic behavior in the workplace includes:
Techniques for everyone―Learn approaches for communication with toxic people at all levels within an organization that are tailored to various problematic behaviors.
Understand deeper motivations―Common anxiety, mood, and personality disorders are explained.
Learn by example―Vivid case studies illustrate familiar scenes at work and model how you can respond respectfully and assertively.
When you’re looking for a book about how best to deal with difficult people at work, look no further than Toxicity in the Workplace.
Unknown Binding
Published May 5, 2020
6 people are currently reading
55 people want to read
About the author
Shonda Lackey
6 books1 followerShonda Lackey earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from St. John's University. She is a licensed clinical psychologist with over a decade of experience. Dr. Lackey completed clinical training at various sites including Yale University School of Medicine and New York-Presbyterian.
In New York City, Dr. Lackey now offers script consultation to artists- those who aspire to create work that challenges people to think about life in new ways.
In New York City, Dr. Lackey now offers script consultation to artists- those who aspire to create work that challenges people to think about life in new ways.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
June 4, 2020
I find that this book difficult to review. While there were many things I really liked about the book, there were also things that really disturbed me. Thus my middle-of-the-road three star rating.
The author does an excellent job of offering very helpful strategies and sample dialogues for dealing with a variety of work-related issues. This is where the book really shines.
What troubles me is the ever-present focus that the difficult person's issues might be caused by an underlying mental illness. Though the author repeatedly says only a professional can diagnose a mental illness, she also repeatedly encourages the reader to take this into consideration when dealing with conflicts. In my humble opinion, this is not only inappropriate, it is dangerous. A person reading this book might simply be dealing with someone who has poor time management skills, poor project skills, poor communication skills, poor interpersonal skills, self-esteem issues, etc., etc., etc. To endorse that their coworkers consider that bosses, peers or subordinates might be mentally ill adds nothing to the dialogue and may lead to jumping to inappropriate conclusions, rumors, more issues and further stigmatization of those who truly are mentally ill.
Ultimately, the difficult person must be able to meet the requirements of his/her position and interact with others appropriately if they are to keep their job. I wish the author had focused on the excellent strategies and dialogues and left it at that.
I received a complimentary copy of this book by the publisher. My review is voluntary and unbiased.
The author does an excellent job of offering very helpful strategies and sample dialogues for dealing with a variety of work-related issues. This is where the book really shines.
What troubles me is the ever-present focus that the difficult person's issues might be caused by an underlying mental illness. Though the author repeatedly says only a professional can diagnose a mental illness, she also repeatedly encourages the reader to take this into consideration when dealing with conflicts. In my humble opinion, this is not only inappropriate, it is dangerous. A person reading this book might simply be dealing with someone who has poor time management skills, poor project skills, poor communication skills, poor interpersonal skills, self-esteem issues, etc., etc., etc. To endorse that their coworkers consider that bosses, peers or subordinates might be mentally ill adds nothing to the dialogue and may lead to jumping to inappropriate conclusions, rumors, more issues and further stigmatization of those who truly are mentally ill.
Ultimately, the difficult person must be able to meet the requirements of his/her position and interact with others appropriately if they are to keep their job. I wish the author had focused on the excellent strategies and dialogues and left it at that.
I received a complimentary copy of this book by the publisher. My review is voluntary and unbiased.
June 12, 2020
This book was structured simply: Dr. Lackey bases all cases of "toxicity" in mental illness, and offers simple examples of each mental illness in the workplace. If you have a coworker who has ADHD, or anxiety disorders, Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder, or depressive disorders, this book will cover the basics of each textbook case. That said, I don't really think this approach is so effective. First of all, most readers are not professionals and shouldn't be expected to offer armchair diagnoses of colleagues. Second, while I've worked in some toxic workplaces, she didn't cover or address any toxic relationship I have gone through. What about sexism in the workplace? Expectations of female socialization? Pregnancy? Race bias or homophobia? Not covered at all. What about those who control through omission of information, or situations where your superiors have an established relationship with the person bullying/dominating you? What about controlling people who sabotage behind-the-scenes? What about cliques and established relationships that cause difficult dynamics? In other words, this book is very basic and doesn't offer deeper strategies or examples. In addition, I don't think that my colleagues with ADHD or anxiety would appreciate the label "toxic" on their behavior.
The issue that stuck out the most for me was the lack of nuance and respect for hierarchical relationships in the work force, and how they MUST be considered in dealing with conflict. I have worked in (Republican and Swing) right-to-work states. In other words, my "manager" or boss could fire me at any time for any reason if I chose to speak to him/her in an entitled tone. Many of the sample dialogues between "you" and "manager" make me cringe, as I don't believe one can refuse to do work asked from a manager in such an assertive way. Perhaps Dr. Lackey's work history allowed her to speak up, but in a workplace that is so toxic, how many others are able to out-and-out refuse the requests of their superior? What are the coping strategies if there is no "exit strategy" or another job on the wing? I have healthy boundaries, and I believe that boundaries are easily achieved with coworkers who are peers. Managers and bosses, however, have the power to control your future, and this must be taken into account when deciding whether to refuse a request. The sample dialogues didn't possess the nuance required to convince a boss to allow you to change their request. She made reference to this briefly in the conclusion, but it wasn't covered in the prose.
I received a review copy from the publisher with no expectation of review.
The issue that stuck out the most for me was the lack of nuance and respect for hierarchical relationships in the work force, and how they MUST be considered in dealing with conflict. I have worked in (Republican and Swing) right-to-work states. In other words, my "manager" or boss could fire me at any time for any reason if I chose to speak to him/her in an entitled tone. Many of the sample dialogues between "you" and "manager" make me cringe, as I don't believe one can refuse to do work asked from a manager in such an assertive way. Perhaps Dr. Lackey's work history allowed her to speak up, but in a workplace that is so toxic, how many others are able to out-and-out refuse the requests of their superior? What are the coping strategies if there is no "exit strategy" or another job on the wing? I have healthy boundaries, and I believe that boundaries are easily achieved with coworkers who are peers. Managers and bosses, however, have the power to control your future, and this must be taken into account when deciding whether to refuse a request. The sample dialogues didn't possess the nuance required to convince a boss to allow you to change their request. She made reference to this briefly in the conclusion, but it wasn't covered in the prose.
I received a review copy from the publisher with no expectation of review.
September 8, 2020
I picked this book up hoping it would help me be a better manager and, while it was an excellent book, it didn’t really help me. This book is written for people who work in an office type workplace. I don’t work in an office. I work retail. The scenarios presented in each chapter are great, but they can’t be applied to various types of work environments. It’s not the book I was hoping it would be, but it is an excellent resource for anyone working in a corporate type field.
I received a copy of this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
I received a copy of this book for free from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.
May 19, 2020
I received an "advanced copy" of this book through NetGalley and the publisher for an honest review. This book appealed to me for personal & professional reasons. Having been in recent situations in my workplace, in which I can easily admit I have recognized toxic behavior, I wanted to see what advice could be offered. The mental health conditions described are not unfamiliar to me, as I have a master's degree in social work & have studied some mental disorders. However, the author does a good job with her overview for readers who may not know the possible diagnoses of their coworkers/bosses.
The chapters I found most useful were the introduction, the chapter on working with people with possible personality disorders & the conclusion. While I see merit in the chapters describing anxiety, OCD, ADD/ADHD, the chapter about BPD (borderline personality disorder) described my coworker to a T. Overly sharing personal information & acting interested in my personal details, the manipulative and divisive measures to make my work look bad because of her own insecurities, I had a Eureka moment. If only I could have recognized these symptoms in her personality when I met her several years ago. By the time she was on my case, I had let my guard down despite warnings from coworkers she can't be trusted, watch what I say around her, remember boundaries. Now that we are working from home due to the pandemic, I haven't had much interaction with her, or other coworkers. Her passive aggressive nature cannot be forgotten, but I hope one day soon I can incorporate the tips learned in this book in my interactions with her. Forthermore, As I had considered looking for another job because the situation caused me so much anxiety, stress and loneliness, I hope I can compartmentalize my job duties/reason I'm there & workplace professional relationships. It is so easy to forget boundaries when you work with the same people so many hours in a week, year after year. I never want to be backed into a corner again. This book made me feel less alone about what I've been feeling.
The chapters I found most useful were the introduction, the chapter on working with people with possible personality disorders & the conclusion. While I see merit in the chapters describing anxiety, OCD, ADD/ADHD, the chapter about BPD (borderline personality disorder) described my coworker to a T. Overly sharing personal information & acting interested in my personal details, the manipulative and divisive measures to make my work look bad because of her own insecurities, I had a Eureka moment. If only I could have recognized these symptoms in her personality when I met her several years ago. By the time she was on my case, I had let my guard down despite warnings from coworkers she can't be trusted, watch what I say around her, remember boundaries. Now that we are working from home due to the pandemic, I haven't had much interaction with her, or other coworkers. Her passive aggressive nature cannot be forgotten, but I hope one day soon I can incorporate the tips learned in this book in my interactions with her. Forthermore, As I had considered looking for another job because the situation caused me so much anxiety, stress and loneliness, I hope I can compartmentalize my job duties/reason I'm there & workplace professional relationships. It is so easy to forget boundaries when you work with the same people so many hours in a week, year after year. I never want to be backed into a corner again. This book made me feel less alone about what I've been feeling.
June 5, 2020
Many of us work or have worked in toxic situations. It seems that, unfortunately, more workplaces are becoming toxic and people need tools to grapple with this reality. It may not be that more places are toxic, but maybe we are just more aware of it. Regardless, this book is timely.
The first chapter defines the various contributors to the toxic environment. I found this interesting although a bit tedious the more I read. I wanted examples and how to deal with them. Therefore, if, you like me, want to "get her done" then jump to chapter two. The rest of the book is full of examples of toxicity and how to grapple with it. Treat the first chapter as an appendix to be referred to as you want more information.
The book is easy to read. The examples are clear and the methods of dealing with them seem simple enough. I'm afraid that it is easier said than done, but maybe with enough practice and books like this we can push back the darkness.
Besides getting bogged down in the first chapter my only other concern is that the models seemed a little too simplistic. The reader might decide that this is easy and become frustrated when things don't turn out as easy as the author presents them. But the material is good and if done right and often should produce good results.
Upon request, the publisher, with no preset conditions, sent me a copy of the book to review.
The first chapter defines the various contributors to the toxic environment. I found this interesting although a bit tedious the more I read. I wanted examples and how to deal with them. Therefore, if, you like me, want to "get her done" then jump to chapter two. The rest of the book is full of examples of toxicity and how to grapple with it. Treat the first chapter as an appendix to be referred to as you want more information.
The book is easy to read. The examples are clear and the methods of dealing with them seem simple enough. I'm afraid that it is easier said than done, but maybe with enough practice and books like this we can push back the darkness.
Besides getting bogged down in the first chapter my only other concern is that the models seemed a little too simplistic. The reader might decide that this is easy and become frustrated when things don't turn out as easy as the author presents them. But the material is good and if done right and often should produce good results.
Upon request, the publisher, with no preset conditions, sent me a copy of the book to review.
May 17, 2020
Thanks to the publisher for an ARC to read and offer an opinion. We all have that one coworker that is rude and condescending that we have to pick up the slack for.. this is a helpful guide to dealing with that person.
What did I like? I feel like this is an invaluable tool to getting through to that one person that we can not stand working with or for. That one person who seems to get away with doing less work and talking to you horribly. The book describes personality disorders as maybe the cause and how to word your conversations to better help you to deal with them. I found a few things I’m definitely going to try.
Would I recommend or buy? If your having issues with a coworker with mental health issues and you don’t want to quit your job then I think your looking in the right direction. This may not be a cure all book but I bet there is something to help everyone. Self help books are positively overflowing with ways to deal with that difficult personality.
Thoughts for the author? Thanks so much for a sneak peek and Congratulations on your new release!
What did I like? I feel like this is an invaluable tool to getting through to that one person that we can not stand working with or for. That one person who seems to get away with doing less work and talking to you horribly. The book describes personality disorders as maybe the cause and how to word your conversations to better help you to deal with them. I found a few things I’m definitely going to try.
Would I recommend or buy? If your having issues with a coworker with mental health issues and you don’t want to quit your job then I think your looking in the right direction. This may not be a cure all book but I bet there is something to help everyone. Self help books are positively overflowing with ways to deal with that difficult personality.
Thoughts for the author? Thanks so much for a sneak peek and Congratulations on your new release!
March 21, 2021
I received an advance publishers copy.
After being a manager at one Fortune 100 company, when I moved cities and started at another Fortune 100 company, I knew I did not want direct reports anytime soon. However, it changed my experience of coaching toxic people to working with toxic people. When Toxicity in the Workplace became available, I was looking forward to addressing a couple personality differences with colleagues. However the book provides more of why someone could be how they are. At the end of the day, I am not looking to change someone, I am solely looking to having a successful working relationship with them. Book was informative, was a quick read, but was not what I was looking for in my current position.
After being a manager at one Fortune 100 company, when I moved cities and started at another Fortune 100 company, I knew I did not want direct reports anytime soon. However, it changed my experience of coaching toxic people to working with toxic people. When Toxicity in the Workplace became available, I was looking forward to addressing a couple personality differences with colleagues. However the book provides more of why someone could be how they are. At the end of the day, I am not looking to change someone, I am solely looking to having a successful working relationship with them. Book was informative, was a quick read, but was not what I was looking for in my current position.
March 14, 2022
This is a great book on how to recognize and handle certain toxic behaviors within the workplace. Different scenarios for each toxic behaviours are given along with a suggestion on how to remain professional and handle each situation. I think the passive-aggressive and narcissistic chapters were the most helpful for me. This obviously was not just for workplace, but also outside of work as these behaviors are more common and something I encounter more frequently than I would like.
May 13, 2020
I enjoyed reading this book because it has helpul tips for anyone to overcome toxicity in the workplace. This book was more centered on mental health issues than I originally thought, but the reader can still apply the tips throughout the book no matter if a co-worker has mental health issues or not.
Thank you Callisto Media/Rockridge Press and NetGalley!
Thank you Callisto Media/Rockridge Press and NetGalley!
June 11, 2020
This was an easy to read book. I felt like it was written for me. This book has given me the knowledge and skills needed to deal with difficult employees/coworkers in my workplace. I'm glad that I give this book a chance.
May 8, 2020
I received a complimentary copy.
We all deal with difficult people on and offline and with the help of this book you might be able to better get past some of the more tender moments.
We all deal with difficult people on and offline and with the help of this book you might be able to better get past some of the more tender moments.
August 22, 2020
3.5 stars.
October 3, 2021
I picked up this book because I had a client working in a not-great workplace and was hoping to get some more practical support for them. Unfortunately, this book is such a mess that I can't in good conscience recommend it to anyone.
The thing is, the practical advice in here about setting boundaries and enforcing them is all GREAT. It's exactly what I recommend, and the concrete examples are fantastic.
The BIG problem is, the author assumes that all toxic behavior is based in mental illness, and that's a really uncomfortable and dangerous take. Lots of people are mentally well and just selfish, entitled, racist, misogynist, etc. Perpetuating the idea that mental illness causes all toxic behavior is ableist as fuck, actively harms mentally ill people, and allows terrible people in the workplace to get away with their shit unchallenged.
Additionally, although the author claims that they don't recommend armchair diagnosing people (which is unethical for even trained professionals to do!), the book is structured in such a way that it offers an example of toxic behavior and then armchair diagnoses the toxic individual, the result being that you are actively encouraged to armchair diagnose yourself.
Like I said, I think there are some great pieces of advice in here, but the bones are rotten.
The thing is, the practical advice in here about setting boundaries and enforcing them is all GREAT. It's exactly what I recommend, and the concrete examples are fantastic.
The BIG problem is, the author assumes that all toxic behavior is based in mental illness, and that's a really uncomfortable and dangerous take. Lots of people are mentally well and just selfish, entitled, racist, misogynist, etc. Perpetuating the idea that mental illness causes all toxic behavior is ableist as fuck, actively harms mentally ill people, and allows terrible people in the workplace to get away with their shit unchallenged.
Additionally, although the author claims that they don't recommend armchair diagnosing people (which is unethical for even trained professionals to do!), the book is structured in such a way that it offers an example of toxic behavior and then armchair diagnoses the toxic individual, the result being that you are actively encouraged to armchair diagnose yourself.
Like I said, I think there are some great pieces of advice in here, but the bones are rotten.
December 16, 2022
⭐️ narrator. I didn’t finish all of the audio for this book. But gained enough insight to use as a resource.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews