I picked up this book expecting something similar to Darkmore Penitentiary… and was severely disappointed. With a really good book, you’re involved in the descriptions, as if you’re actually there. With this one, I kept being yanked out of the world by oddly placed words: things that seemed nit-picky and idiotic to pay attention to, but when added up, made for a subpar reading experience. The first page had a grammar mistake, “god’s sakes” instead of “gods’ sakes” (the plural possessive form of god). In the first few pages the readers were told to imagine something twice. Using the word “imagine.” In areas where contractions would have been far better suited, multiple words were written. Things just sound slightly… off. Not quite how normal humans converse, but not so off that you could put your finger on exactly what the problem is.
Continue from there to the world building tangents. They were absolutely dreadful. Instead of gradually folding the information into the story, it was vomited into long paragraphs after unnatural dialogue, placed solely in the story for the purpose of bringing up the backstory of the world. My eyes immediately glazed over in boredom.
Next, you have the main character. She tried to be tough and interesting, but acting, speaking, and thinking like a pre-teen threw that vibe off quite a bit. There were way too many exclamation points and childish behaviors. The problem is, you want to like the mc. She’s witty, sarcastic, and amusing. None of which matters when the writing style makes one feel removed from the story. It’s as if someone has grabbed up everything that a bada$$ character is supposed to be and then failed to correctly add it together, leading to a weirdly disjointed person.
Also, the glaring plot holes hurt. For example, “ He could feel my power then, no doubt about it, and by the tremble of his eyes he was intimidated.” Then, exactly 18 paragraphs later, “‘That’s because here your powers are gone.’ She wasn’t kidding. I’d barely felt my flames in hours, let alone my fae light.” Ah yes, the guards are terrified of this chick’s… currently non-existent powers. On that note, the guards being weak makes no sense. How are wimpy guards expected to guard a prison full of powerful fae?
Then of course, instances that are wrong in how humans experience things. You walk into a room that’s filled with a nasty odor, a prison warden, grey file cabinets, colorful mats, and a gigantic window. What’s the first thing you notice? Obviously the smell. You don’t only notice it when the previously mentioned warden points out gas seeping through vents. Having your attention brought to the smell again after getting used to it is logical, but noticing it for the first time after stewing in it for a bit is just, well, strange.
All of which are annoying, but if those were the only problems over the course of an entire book, not to bad right? Wrong. All of that was in the first chapter. Barely halfway through the first chapter. Save yourself a painful few hours and go pick up a book that doesn’t make you want to call and complain to whoever the heck thought they edited it.