How To Hold a Cockroach: A book for those who are free and don't know it

by Matthew Maxwell, Allie Daigle (Illustrations)

How to Hold a Cockroach is about discovering and freeing ourselves from the beliefs that cause us to suffer. With a message both surprising and simple, it is a love letter to humankind, a book for those who are free and don't know it.
An Inspirational Tale with 42 Beautiful Illustrations In this story for all ages, a struggling boy begins a life-changing journey when a disgusting guest disturbs his dinner. As he encounters more sources of suffering, the boy must investigate fundamental truths he has believed about himself, love, and life. He confronts some of life's most persistent questions:
Described as "a children's book for adults," How to Hold a Cockroach was written for adults but is suitable for thoughtful teenagers and children. 
For Readers Who Are... ✓ Looking for contemplative and inspirational books about philosophy, spirituality, or psychology.
✓ Facing challenging circumstances, heartbreak, low self-esteem, or resentment towards others. 
✓ Finding it difficult to accept the past or fearing what the future will bring.
✓ Fans of the works of Paulo Coelho, Kobi Yamada, or Charlie Mackesy; books like The Alchemist , The Tao of Pooh , The Little Prince , and The Untethered Soul ; or spiritual teachers like Tara Brach, Thich Nhat Hanh, Eckhart Tolle, and Cheri Huber. 

Regardless of your birthplace, background, or spiritual beliefs -- Christian, Buddhist, Hindu, atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Latter-day Saint, or anything else - this book invites you to explore how you see yourself and the world, re-examine your perspectives, and free yourself to experience more joy, peace, and love. 
Choose Your Edition The hardcover edition is 7x10 inches and contains full-color illustrations.
The paperback edition is 6x9 inches and contains black-and-white illustrations.
The Kindle edition contains full-color illustrations (or black-and-white if your device does not support color).

Genres: Audiobook, Self Help, Fiction, Philosophy, Psychology, Mental Health, Short Stories

110 pages, Hardcover

Published April 10, 2020

Reviews

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perception is Reality

This one surprised me. How to Hold a Cockroach is simple, short, and a little odd; however, the message is loud and clear. The cockroach is not just a bug in this story; it is an analogy for the things we are taught to fear and how easily our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs are shaped by perception.

“Scared for not what things are, but for what we are made to believe”

A little basic, but thoughtful and a great reminder to challenge what we have been taught to fear and avoid. Sorry, but I still do not like cockroaches and I do not think that will ever change!

“Go away cockroach - leave me alone🪳!”

[دُعاء| Doaa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book just lighted something within me and made me feel so much happier. First, I would never touch a cockroach. Second, this book is about how to look into the minor incidents that we encounter in everyday life with curiosity and compassion. I strongly recommend you to listen to the audiobook narrated by Simon Vance because he did a good job.
The moral of my review is I loved everything about it ❤️
Incredibly poetic and simple

[Rowan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Do you ever read a book and think ‘wow my ex would have thought this was really deep’ (derogatory)

[Fayrooz · Rating 5 out of 5]

The audiobook is a whole other world and experience. Truely inspiring.

[Twinkletoes · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finally got to read this book thanks to hoopla! I really think this book is special. It holds a very special place in my heart and mind.

There are so many things both big and small, hard and easy, scary and exciting that life throws at us from the time we are born until the day we finally take our last breath that we as human beings don't always understand. They can be both upsetting and marvelous. It depends on how you look at it. In other words, how one holds the information.

To me, I feel like life throws things at us for a reason and sometimes those reasons we can't understand but other times we understand completely. Looking on the bright side of the things can be extremely difficult at times but really a person should or shouldn't, that's up to you!

Life is short and it's not always a handful of daisy's, it could be cockroaches😉 but that doesn't mean it's truly bad, it just depends on what you take from life's experiences. What you take from it all and what you leave in it's wake.

Stay positive my friends and look at the world in a better lens than you did the day before.

[Nghi · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are some books that are meant for specific periods in your life. This is one of them for where I am in my life. I didn’t even choose this book. My book club did. The book provided answers to the incessant questions that have overwhelmed me for the past months.

[Chloe Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

the audiobook experience was truely something else. this struck quite a few cords with me and by the end i was deeply emotional. it felt like a kids book written for adults (in the best way), and just such a huge reminder that perspective is everything. that the stories we tell ourselves time and time again aren’t necessarily the truth, or they don’t have to be. especially when we shape our perspectives and beliefs around negative experiences or things that have been said to us. to question these beliefs and perspectives. to look outward and also inward with childlike joy and wonder, to be kinder and to love more freely. i feel like i could ramble about this for a while, maybe it wasn’t that deep but it felt deep to me lol. i think i’ll come back to this time and time again.

[Bird Barnes · Rating 1 out of 5]

Audio.

What did the library recommend to me? I like the message of the story about reframing our mindset from what we’ve known and established as fact. Repetitive though. Kind of felt like someone high on drugs going on about change and finding light and meaning.

The epilogue really cemented that new-age youth minister feel though…as well as the sound design, what is this traveling into a new dawn music?

Good message but culty creep chic.

[Sheena P · Rating 5 out of 5]

I still won't hold a cockroach myself but this is a very good reminder about what things we need to give a sh*t about. It's easy to understand but will take a lot of practice to execute. It's a very short read but I chose to read a few pages a day to savor the lessons.

[Luzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderfully meditative exploration of where our beliefs come from, how they influence you and how to free yourself from the suffering they cause. It definitely left me thinking about what my personal cockroaches are.

[Leah Boyle · Rating 5 out of 5]

The cool thing about libraries is you can barrow a random book that could end up changing your perspective on life. If you have a hour to spare, this audiobook is so incredible and the story challenges you to identify cognitive distortions and leaned beliefs in a very simple way. I think I’m going to try to read this once a year to keep up with my own stories and how they affect me. 100000/10

[Magda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cheesy but simple and sweet, i teared up to the audiobook doing laundry 😭

Good reminder about how perceptions form our realities. Good reminder to also look at things with compassion and curiosity - choosing how go hold them.
Audiobook’s snippets to the past feel like the scene from ratatouille when the food critic tries the dish and has the flashback to being a young boy😭

[Mohit · Rating 2 out of 5]

I truly am not sure why this book is so highly rated. To me it was not just too basic but also a drain on money. Just half a page of Gita could have brought more wisdom to any one reading it. Skip.

[Laura McGee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book about a boy looking at a cockroach through a new lens was strangely, EXACTLY the book I needed to read right now.
Honestly just a very short, easy to read and easy to comprehend book on how much of our reality is self constructed, and how that can also be deconstructed, for better or worse.
Side note- illustrations are incredible!

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

perfect little book to make you change your mindset on life & situations we’re faced with. I’m a huge fan of life & this reminded me of that.

[Hannah Miles · Rating 4 out of 5]

includes some really great parables/reminders for life. still not holding a cockroach though.

[Nienke · Rating 5 out of 5]

cute

[Rachel McKenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

audiobook is gorgeous. a simple pleasure to listen to

[Jake Moriarty · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book for adults and kids alike - it invites young readers to explore the emotional experience of being human without preaching - a great way to introduce ideas about tenderness and shifting perspectives and moral complexity. Read slowly with a caring adult, this would make a great shared ELA/SEL unit.

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a delightful read with a wonderful message! I think a lot of people would benefit from reading this little tale — it imparts a wisdom that can make a difference in our world today. I encourage everyone to read it. We can all learn "how to hold a cockroach"

[Curran]

"There is just wonder and awareness..."

Wow, my mom really struck a chord with this recommendation. I am so easily taken by writing that can take complex ideas and distill it down into simple stories. *The Little Prince*, *Siddhartha*, and *The Prophet* are my prime examples of this -- but *How To Hold a Cockroach* goes even further somehow. The ultimate thesis of the book is identical to the ancient Greek concept of epoché: the suspension of judgement, be it about knowledge or morality or anything else.

This is an idea that I've played with over the years as an attempted antidote to my chronic over-rationalization, but you can see how there's some paradox there; the search still lives on. You can't rationalize your way out of rationalization. Instead, what epoché really means is to simply hold the ideas before absorbing them, and this book explores this idea through the metaphor of the cockroach.

Learn how to hold something that might initially make you uncomfortable, and perhaps you'll realize you had no reason to be uncomfortable at all. It's an idea that can be applied to everything through the lens of everyone. Beautiful.

[Emily Moses · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very wholesome book with insightful reminders about life!

[Joshua Glasgow · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to this as an audiobook, which may not have been the best way to interact with this title. I chose it because the audiobook was just over an hour long, which seemed perfect for me as I’ve struggled completing audiobooks since starting a new telework-only job in November and therefore having less time to listen, since I previously did most of my audiobook consumption while driving to and from work. What I did not realize when I chose the audiobook is that this is a picture book. The Goodreads summary indicates that it is “An Inspirational Tale with 42 Beautiful Illustrations”. I saw none of these, so I’m likely missing a good part of whatever gives the book its power to those who rated it more highly than I. Nevertheless, I did experience the narrative and my opinion of that is… yeesh.

It quickly became apparent to me that this book is in the same vein as THE BOY, THE MOLE, THE FOX AND THE HORSE, which I similarly disliked and gave 2 stars on Goodreads. That is to say, it’s treacly, “inspirational” bunk offering a naïve and simplistic worldview that feels enlightened but which is actually incredibly lightweight. The main thesis of this one is that whatever frustrations you experience can be obviated by choosing to view the problem in a different light. The story begins with a “boy” (an adult man, actually, but referred to as a “boy” throughout because of the book’s paternalistic tack) eating dinner and sighting a cockroach crawling on his table. He is at first disgusted, but then “a little miracle happened” and he suddenly decides to forget all of his presuppositions and prejudices against cockroaches and to ask “What are you, really?” He looks at the cockroach with new eyes, as he might have when he was a child, and decides that all of the evidence he has observed over the years that cockroaches are filthy, ugly creatures was in fact a “made-up” story he was telling himself. He overcomes his negative emotions toward cockroaches and is thereafter able to hold it in his hand without squirming.

Each of the following chapters follows this exact same template, right down to the words. Those things I quoted above – “a little miracle happened”, “What are you, really?”, the comment that he had seen evidence over the years that his beliefs were true and this had led him to forget that the story he was telling himself was “made-up”—all of it is presented exactly the same, over and over and over again. Only the topic changes. Instead of being about cockroaches, it’s about love (a girlfriend left him and he feels angry toward her and decides love will inevitably lead to heartbreak), the future (he anticipates it will only be bad), traffic (he finds it obnoxious), etc. Each time, the exact same sequence of events. He’s irritated/upset, then “a little miracle happened” and he realizes that despite the evidence he’s observed over the years that love/the future/traffic/whatever is bad, this is just a “made-up” story and he can choose to view those things through a more positive lens. So, although the book is short, it’s also gratingly repetitive. I suppose the book would claim my response to its mind-numbing repetitiveness is itself a “made-up” story that I could choose not to believe if I so wished. I don’t agree.

The one that got my goat the most was the chapter on the past. The “boy” thinks of the past with shame and resentment, both for things he’s said or done which he feels guilt about now and for actions taken by others which he remains upset about. In particular, he references an incident when his father shoved him to the ground. But then “a little miracle” happened, he asked of the past “What are you, really?” and he realizes that the memories he has of the past are a “made-up” story he’s been telling himself. He thinks that his memories aren’t actually true and that he should essentially be more forgiving. WHAT? I just—I strongly reject the seeming lesson that your memories aren’t real, that maybe what you’re so upset about isn’t that big a deal after all, and that the father who shoved the boy to the ground should just get a free pass without any accountability. This seems like a terrible lesson. Maybe it works if this is just about, like, trying to salvage your own mental health. But as a genuine approach to problems in the world, it’s facile.

Notably, the book doesn’t take on any concrete problems, preferring instead to stay in the abstract. It doesn’t address civil rights abuses, racism, war, etc. Would its advice be to just force yourself to cheer up in response to these heavy topics? To consider that maybe you’re wrong and that racism isn’t that bad? I mean, I guess I like the concept of trying to look for different ways to frame things to help get past anger or fear you’re feeling, but it’s obviously not a one-size-fits-all solution. Sometimes the evidence that things are bad is accurate! At no point does the author/narrator explain why the “boy” should reject the evidence he’s observed over the years that such-and-such is bad. He just dismisses the evidence on the basis that actually the story he’s told himself is “made-up”, and everything’s suddenly better for him.

One aspect of the audiobook worth mentioning is that it includes a number of sound effects. Each time that “a little miracle happened”, there is a deep ringing sound to suggest an epiphany. The sound effects are particularly effective in the chapter on death. In this one, the “boy” is told by his doctor that he has a terminal illness and just a few months to live!! The sound of a ticking clock can be heard in the background as he spirals with fear and anger at what’s he’s been told. Then, BOOOONNNNNGGGG, he realizes that some cultures embrace death and his belief that death is bad is a construct he’s made-up in his mind and yada-yada-yada suddenly he’s fine with it. I have such mixed feelings about this chapter because the performer, the sound effects, and even the words (despite still being still repetitive) all work together to make this chapter especially sobering. But then it just kind of… ends. It doesn’t provide a satisfying conclusion, it isn’t persuasive.

A lot of people loved THE BOY, THE MOLE, THE FOX AND THE HORSE, and I get the sense from the Goodreads ratings – which are 75% 4- or 5-stars – that people are fawning over this one, too. But it’s so trite and so limply written! I just don’t get people sometimes, I swear. HOW TO HOLD A COCKROACH was fairly short, so it has that going for it, but that’s about it.

[William · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a heartfelt story about a boy bound to the past and resenting the future. It reads like a children’s book for adults. It is an experience reading the book illustrated by Allie Daigle. I would encourage others to get the largest copy with full color illustrations. I bought the paperback. It was still neat to see all of Daigle’s illustrations in black and white, nonetheless.

The author, Matthew Maxwell, artfully crafts a narrative about a boy who suffers, while some how challenging defeatist thinking and shattering our desire to know a la Buddhist ideas and Eastern Philosophy. The author does not get preachy with this. It’s a bit more subtle. There are lots of examples of how curiosity yields greater positivity. However, this is not so much a book about positive thinking. I found my own resistance arising in witnessing the main character go through his struggles. Some of his story is hard to take, much like life, but the messages along the way have helped me challenge my own illogical thinking and beliefs some. This is a great book for those in the dark night of the soul or anyone who is growth-oriented and would like to reflect on their own inner demons some.

[Sam Tolomei · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is very short but very beautiful and powerful.

applicable to all ages & should be part of any school curriculum imo

[Ria Singh · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Maybe I’m not just stuck in traffic, he thought. I’m stuck in all of these stories, too.”

😭 thank you nyp book club and aashu for bringing this book into my life. going through a really tough time currently, and this book truly altered my brain chemistry. every time something hit too close to home, my chest was flooded with this weird feeling - perhaps understanding? perhaps i’m finally being seen? not sure.

simple and delightful - how a self help book should be! everyone should read this :)

[Emma Bourne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely little book that teaches and encourages you to change your perspective. Looking at the world around us, the daily encounters that stick with us in a negative light and challenging just how we perceive such things.
A bit repetitive but it makes a point, beautiful read - makes you think!

[Gman2526 · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lovely collection of parables rife with metaphors for our consideration as we are asked to examine how we live and move through various stages in our lives.

The audio book was lovely!

[Hem · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like the concept and vision of the book however I did feel the first half was very repetitive and could have been done in a differentiating, engaging way.

[Syamalan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Did not expect such a short book to be this meaningful and beautiful.. still gonna road rage tho but an amazing perspective on the situations we all face in life