After being publicly humiliated in front of her entire close-knit Mennonite community, Marlena Fiol didn't know how she would recover. Follow her journey from an abusive upbringing in Paraguay to escape, love, and loss in the United States and finally on to forgiveness and reconciliation.
Discover a story of healing and personal transformation. Marlena's childhood was full of contradictions. Her father was both a heroic doctor for people with leprosy and an abusive parent. Her Mennonite missionary community was both a devoted tribe and a controlling society. And Marlena longed to both be accepted in Paraguay and escape to somewhere new. In Nothing Bad Between Us, follow Marlena's journey as she takes control of her life and learns to be her authentic self, scars and imperfections included.
Uncover inner peace―and inner strength. Nothing Bad Between Us is a story of brokenness and eventual redemption that taps into our collective yearning for healing and forgiveness. As you read Marlena's story, you will:
Learn how to forgive yourself and others without giving up your personal growth and self-confidence Discover that transformation and redemption often exist even in the most broken parts of who you are Find out how to stand in your power, knowing that vulnerability won't lead to your downfall, but to increasing courage, connection, and authenticity
Though I find it impossible to read this story with any kind of objectivity since Marlena is my sister, I am a witness to the pain and the healing that she and our father experienced as they struggled to find what all our hearts so deeply long for, that safe haven in one another.
While I am glad the author was able to forgive her father, and have a mended relationship with him at the end, I found this book seriously depressing. I felt so sorry for her at the beginning of the book and the humiliation and horror of "plain" church discipline was very well written, but everything felt heavy and oppressive until near the middle of the book when Steve arrived on the scene and we got a glimmer of hope. However that got snuffed and I completely lost interest in the story, but powered through to the end.
It was a sad book on way too many levels.
I will not be reading it again, or recommending it to friends.
What a powerful memoir. I found myself rooting for Marlena every step of the way along her life's journey... through abuse at the hands of her father and her church... through many challenges and blessings we all face in relationships and life. It took a great deal of courage to write a book this raw and honest and, in the end, hopeful. I hope (and trust) this book will help us move beyond patriarchy, beyond power-trips in churches, beyond abuse of all kinds, to a place of more compassion and grace and love.
A deeply moving memoir of a woman making sense of her life’s journey growing up with a domineering father and mother who were called to missionary work in Paraguay. It is clear that the author is a gifted person who’s own sense of fairness was not respected as a child and teen creating wounds that she was eventually able to heal as she grew older. Forgiveness and reconciliation are the biggest themes of this compelling memoir.
This memoir takes us through Marlena's search for love and understanding from her time as a small child living in Paraquay because her parents served as missionaries there for a leper colony, to her life as an educated single mom in the United States. Because it is a memoir, the reader must trust the author's viewpoint and therein lies the problem. As told by Marlena, her strict upbringing was beyond normal, but the beatings she endured do not seem to fit with how she felt about her parents later on. I found it a little hard to believe. In addition, I wanted to yell at her many times to make better choices. She says her kids were always foremost in her mind, but her lifestyle did not show this. At the end, her relationship with her father is a beautiful tale of forgiveness, and their relationship becomes a model for the power of love. This part in itself is worth the read.
I read an advance copy of this book and recommend it to anyone with an interest in story, place, and universal themes of love and forgiveness told with clarity and grace.
Marlena Fiol's story rings so true to me, starting with the characteristics and history we share: Mennonite childhoods, academic careers, mothers of two children, daughters of strong fathers, and memoirists. This book finally arrives in the place where it began, reaching a hard-won level of forgiveness that not only will move readers but cause them to search their own souls, looking for the place where they too can locate the love and peace they have craved all their lives.
Hauntingly beautiful, this memoir is one to be devoured. Fiol is a remarkable woman with so much to offer her readers. This story feels untrue, but it is real. I feel for all she endured and embrace her courage to tell her story of struggle, pain, and finally forgiveness. When we forgive others, we heal ourselves. Fiol has done the hard work, gained perspective, sought out to understand and let go, and arrived at this new place with acceptance in her heart for all that transpired. She is a beautiful spirit and I believe this book will not only open many people's eyes to a culture and lifestyle that most of us can barely even imagine, but also gift us a glimpse into a path of higher truths.
This book has been a long time coming and well worth waiting for. It provides an honest and vulnerable account of a long, hard fought journey to forgiveness and reconciliation.
I read Nothing Bad Between Us for the 2024 All Around the Year in 52 Books. The prompt was: A book with fewer than 2024 ratings on Goodreads.
This choice was relatively easy. I found out about the book through a “book-reading” event that my friend and organizational studies colleague Mary Yoko Brannen shared on on Facebook. The author, Marlena Fiol, was a colleague who I knew of based on a couple of peer-reviewed papers that she wrote that were published in well-known academic journals that were related to my scholarly interests. The event revolved around Marlena reading from and discussing her recently published memoir. At some point in the event, she discussed how she chose the title “Nothing Bad Between Us.” I was fascinated by her discussion and sent her an e-mail with several discussions. Our correspondence was pleasant and I subsequently purchased the book. Life (particularly other reading) kept me from reading the book immediately. But, having read the memoir, I am glad that I got around to reading it two years later. I was more receptive than I would have been earlier.
To my mind, the major theme of the book was the development of a father daughter relationship over forty years from the daughter’s frame of reference. (Her mother seemed to be the moderator between a dynamic father and a dynamic/”rebellious” daughter.) The story starts with the daughter’s public shaming at a Mennonite moral court at the age of eighteen that serves as a turning point in the narrative. The book then returns to her earliest memories of her childhood dreams and life in a Mennonite community in west Paraguay where her father was the founder and director of a innovative treatment center for people suffering from leprosy. The tale follows the critical points in her life up to her public shaming when the father (in a fit of anger?) renounces her. The remainder of the book covers her travels to Kansas and Illinois, her education, her marriages, her children and their family experience. Sprinkled in the first-world story is the ongoing relationship between the daughter, her parents and siblings, the Mennoite community, her husbands, and her children.
In the course of the “first world” story, readers learn about her journeys as a “suburban wife and mother” and subsequently as a “single mother and professional academic” and the gradual healing of past rifts with her father and her birth family. Through all the difficulties, this remains a book of hope and of humility.
Nothing Bad Between Us: A Mennonite Missionary's Daughter Finds Healing in Her Brokenness by Marlena Fiol PhD was an education on many fronts. I came to the memoir as a fan of Fiol's academic work. My lack of experience with memoirs led me to expect more of an autobiography. I now understand the rich benefits of a memoir and the opportunity for personal insights while reading of another's life and learnings. So fortunate to start with Nothing Bad Between Us.
Fiol's writing immediately engaged me with the history and sociology of Paraguay and the Mennonite community in which she was born. It was a pleasure learning of this world through Fiol's experiences, though troubling to grapple with the described hardships and tensions.
I feel that the exotic setting and times provide a rich and valuable environment for Fiol's observations. I couldn't easily ascribe motivations given the vast difference between her and my experiences, which benefited my reflection. She grows up while her parents establish a world-renowned approach to leprosy treatment at a compound built from scratch in a remote part of Paraguay. Her parents' expectations and extreme calling to serve God in the world create a competition for engagement, especially between Fiol and her father.
Her parents' deep commitment to their calling is a unique landscape to compare all of our family challenges, coming of age, growth, and healing. Nothing Bad Between Us offers how Fiol navigated the process, but the turning points spoke clearly to me.
After reading chapter 1, I felt extremely sympathetic, angry, sad, emotionally drained, and ready to put the book down because it would be too depressing! But, on the other hand, I had to read on because I had to find out the rest of Marlena's story! And so I read on and on and took a short sleep break and then finished the book. Being somewhat familiar with the setting of Marlena's story, and being close in age to her, I could picture many of her experiences vividly. Also having grown up in a Mennonite community like Marlena's, I could picture some of the scenes happening in my church. But the depth of the hurt inflicted on Marlena by both church and her father, cut deeply into my heart! How can loving parents and Jesus' followers inflict such pain on another human being, especially a child/teenager? Thank-you Marlena for opening up your most intimate feelings to us your readers! That took a lot of courage, especially after having gone through so much heartache in your life. Many of us know about some of what you experienced from the sidelines, but most of us have not experienced it ourselves. You have opened our eyes to be more empathetic to the people around us who may have deep hurt in their lives and could use our understanding. Finally, I don't know if I could ever have forgiven my father like you did. A child should never have to suffer such abuse from a grown person! To me it is unforgivable, at least in this lifetime! Once again Marlena,thank-you for letting us into your most intimate moments with such a well-written memoir!
I have been waiting for the release of this book by Marlena Fiol for years and the end result did not disappoint.
The author was raised in a secluded and controlled Mennonite leprosy compound in Paraguay where her father was the director and head doctor. This protected environment left her quite naïve to anything worldly for many years. In this well-written memoir, "Nothing Bad Between Us," Marlena shares stories of a strict upbringing, along with her rebellious nature that triggered a great deal of strife within her family and church. Some of the events are difficult to read—mainly because of the author’s father’s physical and emotional discipline. His Mennonite motto: spare the rod and spoil the child was evident throughout her childhood. In my opinion, many of his actions bordered on—or crossed the line to—child abuse. Yet this man also shared moments of tenderness and compassion toward his daughter. In the end, the author decides to forgive her accomplished father and reconciles with him, finally enjoying the paternal love she has sought since she was a little girl. This book will make you cringe, laugh, cry, smile—feel an entire range of emotions—which is what I look for in a memoir. "Nothing Bad Between Us" opened my eyes to a life I could have never imagined. Thank you, Marlena, for this beautiful book.
I read a prepublication copy of this book. I loved it, in part because I know the author and could hear her voice as I read her words, and in larger part because I seldom find such an authentic expression of life’s challenges. It is a powerful book, written in a powerful way.
Nothing Bad Between Us, by Marlena Fiol, is a deeply personal reflection of an evolving life, and corresponding evolving perspective on her relationship with her father. It is a story in three parts – the one she suffered as a child, the one she escaped to, and the one she chose. She reflects on events and their meaning in intimate detail. Not only does she reveal herself at each stage of her life in authentic ways, but in the only ways that can make sense of her changing perspective about her relationship with her father.
Love is Complicated is a revealing glimpse into this complicated relationship. Readers who struggle with the complexities of relationships over the course of their lives will benefit from her story. It is everyone’s story at some level; but a story that few can sort out and be joyful for having had those experiences.
Larry Peters, Ph.D.; Emeritus Professor at The Neeley School of Business, TCU Author, The Simple Truths About Leadership (2019)
Nothing Bad Between Us: A Mennonite Missionary's Daughter Finds Healing in Her Brokenness , 2020 by Marlena Fiol (Author) Marlena Fiol describes a journey from brokenness to healing as she experienced it. In reading this true story of a Mennonite girl whose parents moved the family from the USA to Paraguay in order to serve as medical professionals (doctor and nurse) in a hospital for the treatment of leprosy patients, I was once more wondering why in those days “missionary work” required not just general sacrifice but it most often included a willingness to sacrifice the welfare of your children. The author herself states that her childhood was full of contradictions: her father was a heroic doctor and also an abusive father; the Mennonite community around her was caring and nurturing and also very controlling. Having grown up in a Mennonite community myself, I would agree that there is something wonderful about this close-knit group of people who know your name and look out for you until one challenges the traditions and norms, which brings about public humiliation (I believe that this is true of most religious communities, not just Mennonite). For a teenage girl this can have traumatic consequences and for Fiol it caused incredible struggles long after she moved back to the USA. The author allows the reader to accompany her on this very difficult journey from brokenness to forgiveness and thereby offering hope of reconciliation.
I loved this book! In Nothing Bad Between Us, Marlena Fiol relates her experiences growing up on a leprosy residential treatment compound in Paraguay as the daughter of a Mennonite missionary and his wife. Her unbridled passion for life and the rebelliousness that often accompanies such passion left her at odds with her physician father and the strict Mennonite community in which her family lived. While Paraguay sounds exotic, this life story could occur anywhere. Indeed, questioning all that she had grown up to believe, Fiol came to the U.S. seeking answers and solace. Fiol relates her life experiences on a roller coaster of joys and sorrows, as well as accomplishments in spite of extreme personal challenges. All the while, Fiol feels the tug of family bonds (especially to her father) and the emptiness that results from a broken relationship. In the end, we see Fiol seeking and finding reconciliation and healing with her father … and herself. I hope you, as reader, will find reconciliation and healing with yourself as well. All in all, a great read!
Courage, Love, and Forgiveness I read this book in a short period of time as I found myself extremely interested in the various facets of life that were so eloquently detailed in the book. This book highlights the struggle of the author with her family and religious community, however, the complexity of the issues raised makes one reflect deeply on dynamics that are often times traumatic and have a lifelong affects. The story involves many layers of courage, love, and forgiveness and in my mind holds a lesson for all. Great book for book groups as the issues in this book, although unique in the setting, are thought provoking and would lead to a great discussion. Nothing Bad Between Us: A Mennonite Missionary's Daughter Finds Healing in Her Brokenness
I know it is a cliché to say "I couldn't put this book down." But that is true for me and this book!
I found the writing to be so beautiful and compelling. And there are so many powerful themes in the book: family, faith, sin, love, forgiveness, reconciliation, identity!
I was drawn in by the intensity and drama, but I stayed for the ways this book opened my heart and helped me to see new things about life and family. I especially appreciate the theme of "showing up" as love.
Marlena is a talented writer and the details of her story are so vivid and rich! Read it, share it with others, and enjoy some great conversations!
In her powerful, heart-felt, father-daughter memoir, Marlena Fiol offers insight and hope to anyone who struggles with parental relations. While Fiol's upbringing was anything but ordinary—Paraguay, leprosy compound, strict religious community, physical and emotional abuse—the lessons and promises her story provides are universal. Whether you are the child, the parent, or anyone who loves a difficult person, Fiol's story shows the power of compassion to transform anger, fear, and distance. Love, even when it is this complicated, really can conquer all.
Love is complicated as this book very well depicts. Marlena shares about her life growing up in a low-German Mennonite family in Paraguay. She was the rebellious daughter of religious missionary doctor in a leprosy clinic. She had a conflicting relationship with her father. While she rebelled against him, she also yearned for his love. Marlena had a rocky life but in the end she was able to come to a reconciliation with her father. I really enjoyed this book although I wish she had come to an acceptance of Christianity and her need of Jesus as her personal saviour.
Our memoirist is in trouble, terrible trouble, from the opening page of this riveting story.. She tells her tale with startling honesty, which is a good thing because I like most who read "Nothing Bad Between Us, had no idea what it's lIke to be born into a Mennonite family and grow up in Paraquay . . . in a leper colony, no less. Those who avail themselves of this gem are in for a wild ride, and one with a lot of heart, too.
The author delves into her difficult upbringing which was contained by two forces: her eccentric, abusive/loving Father, and her highly conservative community. She later pursues a life of her own making, which she describes in overarching themes of self-discovery and rebellion. The themes are identifiable to many, not just those within the Mennonite community. I found encouragement, appreciation, and reflection in this book. An authentic and inspiring read for anyone. Highly suggested!
What I loved about this compelling memoir is how relatable it is for any reader who has struggled with a parent so fiercely committed to a belief system that their parental love can only be expressed through that unbending system. Fiol tells her story with clear and unaffected writing, letting our hearts break and our hearts heal as we live the story itself. While it is an unusual story, it is also a universal story of conflict, growth, and ultimately, healing.
This beautifully written memoir tells a painful though ultimately inspirational story of difficulty and redemption. In her account of being raised in a sometimes-abusive Mennonite family in rural Paraguay, she shows how the path to family reconciliation can come through compassion and acceptance of others rather than through insistence on their change.
If you’ve ever struggled to live up to your own and others’ often unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a loving child, friend, co-worker, parent, partner, or other role in an important relationship, this book can help you find the insights and strength to accept and forgive yourself and those you are trying to love.
Nothing Bad Between is certainly a wild and inspirational journey of the reconciliation of a somewhat idiosyncratic family, but more importantly it is a poignantly and elegantly told story of personal growth, introspection and healing that has universal lessons for any us who want to bring healing to our own lives and families.
Marlena’s story is a modern odyssey: A life’s journey punctuated with significant obstacles — some imposed and some self-inflicted — but, all tests in finding a way to her personal and spiritual home. She passes all these tests with storied victories. She is triumphant in her life-odyssey — not by intervention from the gods, but by a more relatable, mortal means — a life well lived.
I enjoyed reading 'Nothing Bad Between Us' by Marlena Fiol. Tenacity and courage clearly took center stage as Marlena navigated growing up and coming to terms with life's consequences. I was riveted. And the life of missionaries in Paraguay was fascinating. Forgiveness and love clearly take center stage. I highly recommend this book.
W I love most about this true story is that it is such a gorgeous example of a woman allowing herself to become all she dreamed of; something still hard for so many women. We need examples of this over and over.
I had the good fortune to read this book in advance. Marlena Fiol is a fierce searcher with a willingness to examine herself and her own frailties and find compassion in others through this. With a pure and honest voice, Marlena invites you on the complicated journey of love.