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Before We Were Blue
Get healthy on their own—or stay sick together?
At Recovery and Relief, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders, the first thing Shoshana Winnick does is attach herself to vibrant but troubled Rowan Parish. Shoshana—a cheerleader on a hit reality TV show—was admitted for starving herself to ensure her growth spurt didn’t ruin her infamous tumbling skills. Rowan, on the other hand, has known anorexia her entire life, thanks to her mother’s “chew and spit” guidance. Through the drudgery and drama of treatment life, Shoshana and Rowan develop a fierce intimacy—and for Rowan, a budding infatuation, that neither girl expects.
As “Gray Girls,” patients in the center’s Gray plan, Shoshana and Rowan are constantly under the nurses’ watchful eyes. They dream of being Blue, when they will enjoy more freedom and the knowledge that their days at the center are numbered. But going home means separating and returning to all the challenges they left behind. The closer Shoshana and Rowan become, the more they cling to each other—and their destructive patterns. Ultimately, the girls will have to choose: their recovery or their relationship.
At Recovery and Relief, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders, the first thing Shoshana Winnick does is attach herself to vibrant but troubled Rowan Parish. Shoshana—a cheerleader on a hit reality TV show—was admitted for starving herself to ensure her growth spurt didn’t ruin her infamous tumbling skills. Rowan, on the other hand, has known anorexia her entire life, thanks to her mother’s “chew and spit” guidance. Through the drudgery and drama of treatment life, Shoshana and Rowan develop a fierce intimacy—and for Rowan, a budding infatuation, that neither girl expects.
As “Gray Girls,” patients in the center’s Gray plan, Shoshana and Rowan are constantly under the nurses’ watchful eyes. They dream of being Blue, when they will enjoy more freedom and the knowledge that their days at the center are numbered. But going home means separating and returning to all the challenges they left behind. The closer Shoshana and Rowan become, the more they cling to each other—and their destructive patterns. Ultimately, the girls will have to choose: their recovery or their relationship.
336 pages, Paperback
First published September 14, 2021
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3569 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 174 reviews
October 21, 2021
TW eating disorders, sexual assault, sexuality, suicide, toxic relationships
I really liked this book. I deeply appreciate books about mental health issues. The characters Shoshana and Rowan both have a big place in my heart. Their experiences in life, seeing them try to navigate adolescence...it all just hit me hard. I wouldn't recommend this for people still in an active period of an eating disorder since there are a lot of triggering parts. So many tears at the end. Thank you to this author for bringing awareness to eating disorders. It is much needed.
I really liked this book. I deeply appreciate books about mental health issues. The characters Shoshana and Rowan both have a big place in my heart. Their experiences in life, seeing them try to navigate adolescence...it all just hit me hard. I wouldn't recommend this for people still in an active period of an eating disorder since there are a lot of triggering parts. So many tears at the end. Thank you to this author for bringing awareness to eating disorders. It is much needed.
April 9, 2021
This book is super hard for me to rate. I wouldn't say that I enjoyed it, because it isn't something I'd reread for fun. Instead, it really made me think. I feel like it was exceptionally well written, and did what it set out to do in a sensitive manner.
I've seen it discussed in most of the other reviews, so I'll add onto it here. Rowan isnt a likeable protagonist. She's manipulative, unwilling to heal, and cruel. This is what made me appreciate her as a character though. Her arc was done extremely well, and I grew to enjoy her chapters more than Shoshona's by the end.
Out of the two, Shoshona was definitely the more likeable. I looked forward to her chapters for the first 80% but by the end, I was looking forward to Rowan's. Her characters was also written well, and she felt completely different from Rowan.
I also loved how the girls' healing journey was written. Neither one of them went through a magical awakening where they were just better. They each had to decide for themselves whether they wanted to make the choice to get better. This was something you don't see often, and I loved it for that. I also loved that their relationship wasn't the focal point of the story. They placed their own healing above their friendship, which I appreciated so much.
This is a very unique book, and a challenging read. It dealt with very difficult topics, and although they were written well, it was still hard to read at times. I don't see myself rereading this, but it'll definitely stick in my head.
Thanks to E.J. Schwartz and Netgalley for providing a free copy in exchange for an honest review!
I've seen it discussed in most of the other reviews, so I'll add onto it here. Rowan isnt a likeable protagonist. She's manipulative, unwilling to heal, and cruel. This is what made me appreciate her as a character though. Her arc was done extremely well, and I grew to enjoy her chapters more than Shoshona's by the end.
Out of the two, Shoshona was definitely the more likeable. I looked forward to her chapters for the first 80% but by the end, I was looking forward to Rowan's. Her characters was also written well, and she felt completely different from Rowan.
I also loved how the girls' healing journey was written. Neither one of them went through a magical awakening where they were just better. They each had to decide for themselves whether they wanted to make the choice to get better. This was something you don't see often, and I loved it for that. I also loved that their relationship wasn't the focal point of the story. They placed their own healing above their friendship, which I appreciated so much.
This is a very unique book, and a challenging read. It dealt with very difficult topics, and although they were written well, it was still hard to read at times. I don't see myself rereading this, but it'll definitely stick in my head.
Thanks to E.J. Schwartz and Netgalley for providing a free copy in exchange for an honest review!
April 26, 2021
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Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
I would like to disclaim that I have suffered from an eating disorder and have since recovered. My perspective of this is written as an Own Voices reviewer for eating disorders.
This book was one of the most beautiful contemporaries I have read in quite some time. Schwartz does a fantastic job of not sugar coating the mental illness. Additionally, it has good sapphic representation, not just alludes to it. The asexual representation surprised me, and the way it was described felt well thought out.
There are subtle anti-Semitic phrases in this book. The author is Jewish, and I am not, so I don’t feel it’s my place to say anything one way or the other about this. I do want to say that neither character is the most likable, and that is entirely at the fault of their respective mental illnesses. Eating disorders tend to lean towards being manipulative as a form of self-protection.
The ways both girls went through the recovery system and their journeys were well written. Not all stories will end in recovery, and not all recovery stories are linear.
This book is not for everyone, as Eating Disorders are hard to read about. The people who experience them may frustrate you.
My full review will be posted on September 9th, 2021.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
I would like to disclaim that I have suffered from an eating disorder and have since recovered. My perspective of this is written as an Own Voices reviewer for eating disorders.
This book was one of the most beautiful contemporaries I have read in quite some time. Schwartz does a fantastic job of not sugar coating the mental illness. Additionally, it has good sapphic representation, not just alludes to it. The asexual representation surprised me, and the way it was described felt well thought out.
There are subtle anti-Semitic phrases in this book. The author is Jewish, and I am not, so I don’t feel it’s my place to say anything one way or the other about this. I do want to say that neither character is the most likable, and that is entirely at the fault of their respective mental illnesses. Eating disorders tend to lean towards being manipulative as a form of self-protection.
The ways both girls went through the recovery system and their journeys were well written. Not all stories will end in recovery, and not all recovery stories are linear.
This book is not for everyone, as Eating Disorders are hard to read about. The people who experience them may frustrate you.
My full review will be posted on September 9th, 2021.
February 22, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me a complimentary eARC of Before We Were Blue by E J Schwartz in exchange for my honest review.
Before We Were Blue is told from the POV's of Shoshana and Rowan - two girls who are at a residential treatment center for eating disorders - R&R. I have never had an ED so I am unable to speak to the accuracy of the portrayal of the ED treatment and the experiences that both girls go through.
Rowan is not a particularly likeable protagonist - she is guarded, can be very cruel, manipulative, and in the beginning is not actually ready to get "well." She has been through so much in her young life and her traumatic experiences are brought up throughout the book, and finally she processes them in the end & makes the decision to recover. Shoshana is a competitive cheerleader and struggles with her figure due to being in the spotlight in a reality TV show that centers around the cheerleading squad she is on. Her cheerleading coach expects perfection, and Shoshana struggles with comparing herself to others (understandably) and the pressures of looking a certain type of way on camera.
Rowan & Shoshana develop a sort of friendship/"relationship" but it is hard to get behind. Throughout the book, there is a heavy emphasis on the fact that Shoshana is Jewish. It is frequently brought up - through nicknames "Bagels & Lox", jokes at her expense, and it got honestly annoying to keep reading about it. I saw in another review that the author is in fact Jewish - so no intention of sounding or coming off as anti-Semitic - but it felt off.
Overall, this is a vulnerable journey of two girls struggling with their eating disorders together and separately. I found the book very well written, but it took me a long time to get through and it fell flat to me.
Before We Were Blue is told from the POV's of Shoshana and Rowan - two girls who are at a residential treatment center for eating disorders - R&R. I have never had an ED so I am unable to speak to the accuracy of the portrayal of the ED treatment and the experiences that both girls go through.
Rowan is not a particularly likeable protagonist - she is guarded, can be very cruel, manipulative, and in the beginning is not actually ready to get "well." She has been through so much in her young life and her traumatic experiences are brought up throughout the book, and finally she processes them in the end & makes the decision to recover. Shoshana is a competitive cheerleader and struggles with her figure due to being in the spotlight in a reality TV show that centers around the cheerleading squad she is on. Her cheerleading coach expects perfection, and Shoshana struggles with comparing herself to others (understandably) and the pressures of looking a certain type of way on camera.
Rowan & Shoshana develop a sort of friendship/"relationship" but it is hard to get behind. Throughout the book, there is a heavy emphasis on the fact that Shoshana is Jewish. It is frequently brought up - through nicknames "Bagels & Lox", jokes at her expense, and it got honestly annoying to keep reading about it. I saw in another review that the author is in fact Jewish - so no intention of sounding or coming off as anti-Semitic - but it felt off.
Overall, this is a vulnerable journey of two girls struggling with their eating disorders together and separately. I found the book very well written, but it took me a long time to get through and it fell flat to me.
January 3, 2025
***Thanks to NetGalley for providing me a complimentary copy of BEFORE WE WERE BLUE by E J Schwartz in exchange for my honest review.***
2.5 STARS
Soshana, a cast member on a cheerleading reality show and Rowan, reeling from sexual trauma meet at an eating disorder treatment center, both invested in remaining thin (sick). In order to recover, each must choose to embrace treatment, even if it means leaving the other behind.
I identified more with Soshana, the “good” patient, who was nice, more likable and initially braver. Her mom pressuring her to cheer and disregard treatment advice felt realistic. Rowan’s defense mechanisms and desire to escape also felt authentic. The multidimensional characters were the strongest part of BEFORE WE WERE BLUE.
Debut writer E J Schwartz’s powerful word-building was consistent throughout the book, though at times the pacing was uneven and the story became bogged down with detail not central to character or plot. I loved the backdrop of competitive cheerleading.
The treatment center bears no resemblance to anything in the United States, without insurances companies limiting treatment and unlimited months of inpatient treatment.
I was uncomfortable with Schwartz’s use of several phrases that readers could interpret as antisemetic, though Schwartz is Jewish and her intent obviously wasn’t anti Jewish. In one case the Christian atheist Rowan referee to Shoshana’s “Jew curls” and a Christian adult nicknamed her Bagel and Lox. I would have been devastated if either happened to me and I’m concerned about a non Jewish reader thinking the cute phrases would be appropriate to use with Jewish friends. Again, I’m 100% positive Schwartz meant no harm and that she and I approach Judaism from opposite ends of the spectrum. I checked with another Jewish atheist friend who had the same cringeworthy response as me. I respect Schwartz’s #OwnVoices different experience and also prefer to err on the side of not using phrases that could be fine between two like-minded Jewish people yet otherwise cringeworthy.
I would have rated BEFORE WE WERE BLUE another star if not for the two phrases or if those phrases had been addressed as anti Semitic or at least inappropriate. The phrases are enough to make me unsure about whether I’d recommend this otherwise above average book.
2.5 STARS
Soshana, a cast member on a cheerleading reality show and Rowan, reeling from sexual trauma meet at an eating disorder treatment center, both invested in remaining thin (sick). In order to recover, each must choose to embrace treatment, even if it means leaving the other behind.
I identified more with Soshana, the “good” patient, who was nice, more likable and initially braver. Her mom pressuring her to cheer and disregard treatment advice felt realistic. Rowan’s defense mechanisms and desire to escape also felt authentic. The multidimensional characters were the strongest part of BEFORE WE WERE BLUE.
Debut writer E J Schwartz’s powerful word-building was consistent throughout the book, though at times the pacing was uneven and the story became bogged down with detail not central to character or plot. I loved the backdrop of competitive cheerleading.
The treatment center bears no resemblance to anything in the United States, without insurances companies limiting treatment and unlimited months of inpatient treatment.
I was uncomfortable with Schwartz’s use of several phrases that readers could interpret as antisemetic, though Schwartz is Jewish and her intent obviously wasn’t anti Jewish. In one case the Christian atheist Rowan referee to Shoshana’s “Jew curls” and a Christian adult nicknamed her Bagel and Lox. I would have been devastated if either happened to me and I’m concerned about a non Jewish reader thinking the cute phrases would be appropriate to use with Jewish friends. Again, I’m 100% positive Schwartz meant no harm and that she and I approach Judaism from opposite ends of the spectrum. I checked with another Jewish atheist friend who had the same cringeworthy response as me. I respect Schwartz’s #OwnVoices different experience and also prefer to err on the side of not using phrases that could be fine between two like-minded Jewish people yet otherwise cringeworthy.
I would have rated BEFORE WE WERE BLUE another star if not for the two phrases or if those phrases had been addressed as anti Semitic or at least inappropriate. The phrases are enough to make me unsure about whether I’d recommend this otherwise above average book.
February 22, 2021
Thanks to the publisher for providing an eARC of Before We Were Blue in exchange for an honest review.
Before getting into this review, I think it's important to mention a few things about where I approach this book from. First off, Before We Were Blue is set primarily in an eating disorder facility and a lot of both of our protagonist's journeys are heavily reliant on their EDs. I've never had an ED so I can't speak to any of the accuracy there, but I have put a lot of research into how non-competitive EDs can be written and as far as I'm aware, this book abides by a lot of the precautions a lot of therapists recommend in ED media (i.e. the characters are frequently weighted but no weight is expressed, little to know weight-loss specifics are described in detail, ect.). One of our protagonists, Shoshana, is also Jewish and a few of the other characters make some jokes about that but as a non-Jewish person, I'm a lot less equipped to talk about whether that veers into the offensive than a Jewish reviewer would be (I'm fairly sure this is OwnVoice in that regard though).
Moving on to actually talking about the book, sic-fics are not my jam. I've just never really been a fan of 'teens suffer and fall in love with each other's suffering' books but I still cried at the end of this one because it's exceptionally well written. Shoshana is an easy to root for protagonist with a solid moral compass and a really empathetic situation, but for me the highlight actually ended up being Rowan's chapters even though I hated her at the beginning (which I think is kind of the point). Rowan's chapters are written in 2nd person and addressed to Shoshanna which I think was a really smart way of showing the unbalanced way the girls' dynamic starts out. I can't really talk about why I ended up loving this where I've hated other sic-fics without talking about the ending, but it subverted my expectations in a way I really appreciated.
Before getting into this review, I think it's important to mention a few things about where I approach this book from. First off, Before We Were Blue is set primarily in an eating disorder facility and a lot of both of our protagonist's journeys are heavily reliant on their EDs. I've never had an ED so I can't speak to any of the accuracy there, but I have put a lot of research into how non-competitive EDs can be written and as far as I'm aware, this book abides by a lot of the precautions a lot of therapists recommend in ED media (i.e. the characters are frequently weighted but no weight is expressed, little to know weight-loss specifics are described in detail, ect.). One of our protagonists, Shoshana, is also Jewish and a few of the other characters make some jokes about that but as a non-Jewish person, I'm a lot less equipped to talk about whether that veers into the offensive than a Jewish reviewer would be (I'm fairly sure this is OwnVoice in that regard though).
Moving on to actually talking about the book, sic-fics are not my jam. I've just never really been a fan of 'teens suffer and fall in love with each other's suffering' books but I still cried at the end of this one because it's exceptionally well written. Shoshana is an easy to root for protagonist with a solid moral compass and a really empathetic situation, but for me the highlight actually ended up being Rowan's chapters even though I hated her at the beginning (which I think is kind of the point). Rowan's chapters are written in 2nd person and addressed to Shoshanna which I think was a really smart way of showing the unbalanced way the girls' dynamic starts out. I can't really talk about why I ended up loving this where I've hated other sic-fics without talking about the ending, but it subverted my expectations in a way I really appreciated.
October 11, 2022
I had to force myself to finish this book. But I was so far into it when I realized I hated it I didn't want to abandon it.
It started off interesting enough - a volley of narration between 2 girls in an inpatient clinic for girls with EDs, with an obvious YA writing style. But then I started to hate Rowan, and the way she would always repeat Shoshana's name in her letters, or whatever her narration was.. And the book started going into details about cheerleading which was unnecessary and boring. Then I started to hate Shoshana and by that point I was 80% through the book and just wanted to finish it. Really unpleasant read.
It started off interesting enough - a volley of narration between 2 girls in an inpatient clinic for girls with EDs, with an obvious YA writing style. But then I started to hate Rowan, and the way she would always repeat Shoshana's name in her letters, or whatever her narration was.. And the book started going into details about cheerleading which was unnecessary and boring. Then I started to hate Shoshana and by that point I was 80% through the book and just wanted to finish it. Really unpleasant read.
November 12, 2021
Props to this one for hewing so closely to YA eating-disorder-novel stereotypes and yet still managing to do something different.
June 1, 2022
Definitely a sad one, and at times quite slow but nonetheless compelling. Shoshana’s struggles with self-loathing hit me hard. Also, there’s ace rep!
November 6, 2024
Huge trigger warning for eating disorders (especially anorexia).
It was really good and has a lot of representation as well (the main character is asexual and the mc’s are queer).
It’s hard to rate this because it’s not a fun book but it was well written with important storylines.
It was really good and has a lot of representation as well (the main character is asexual and the mc’s are queer).
It’s hard to rate this because it’s not a fun book but it was well written with important storylines.
March 25, 2022
Alas, the eternal quest for good ED fiction continues.
The writing quality in this ED book is better than most, so it get points for that. Unfortunately, its depiction of EDs perpetuates the oversimplified understanding of them that dominates popular culture. Specifically:
--The idea that there must be an underlying "trauma" that triggered the ED (in this case, pressure to perform at a cheer competition while starring on a reality TV show, and a sexual assault). Data has actually suggested that 60% of a person's likelihood to develop an eating disorder comes from genetics alone. While environment of course is a contributing factor, many ED patients cannot point to a single defining moment as the catalyst for their disease.
--The idea that EDs are a white young woman's disease. For the people in the back: eating disorders do not discriminate based on based on age, gender, race, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, etc etc. The patients depicted in this novel do not at all reflect the diversity of the ED population.
--The idea that EDs are "standalone" diseases that can simply be "cured" by refeeding the malnourished patient. There are SO many comorbidities with EDs, ranging from psychiatric (major depression, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, borderline personality disorder) to physical (food allergies, GI issues, a compromised immune system, etc). What makes EDs so notoriously difficult to treat is how interwoven they are with other illnesses.
--The idea that inpatient treatment is summer camp/vacation. Recovery is f***ing exhausting. Every moment of every day is scheduled and supervised, from 6am to 10pm: weigh-ins, taking medications, learning therapeutic techniques, nutrition counseling, meal plan adjustments, outdoor time (walks, if you're lucky), preparing meals, eating meals, cleaning up after meals, ruminating about meals, CBT, DBT, etc. It's not cuddling on the couch watching movies, or playing around in the ceramics studio. It's work, and it's hard.
--The idea that refeeding is easy. How, in this novel, do we not see a patient refusing food?! There are so many complicated emotions that come along with refeeding, never mind the excruciating pain of it (the hot flashes and shivering, the bloated belly, the constipation). If only it were as simple as "I want to get better, so I'll eat!"
--The idea that every patient is motivated to recover. I had a hard time believe that the gray girls even wanted to become blue, because sure, while it's a step closer to freedom, it also means what every ED sufferer fears: that they've gained weight. The book never addresses the deep ambivalence (or outright fear) many ED sufferers feel about recovery. EDs serve a purpose: they are a great coping mechanism. Losing that coping mechanism is terrifying, and not every patient wants to.
There are other problems with this book: the unexplained fixation Rowan has with Shoshanna, the complete and infuriating obliviousness of Shoshanna's mother (who seems to actually be a contributing factor to Shoshanna's ED, but that's never acknowledged), the lack of a support system for the women who leave residential treatment (most step down a level of care to a day program; very few return immediately to "normal life"). The book briefly touches on how easy it is for patients to relapse but doesn't really interrogate why EDs are such insidious diseases, with very few sufferers ever achieving complete and enduring "recovery."
For those looking for a realistic portrayal of what residential treatment looks like: this isn't it. For those looking for a realistic portrayal of how it feels to suffer from an ED: this isn't it. For those looking for tips on how to be supportive to someone with an ED: you won't find them here. And so the dangerous cultural tropes of EDs continue :(
The writing quality in this ED book is better than most, so it get points for that. Unfortunately, its depiction of EDs perpetuates the oversimplified understanding of them that dominates popular culture. Specifically:
--The idea that there must be an underlying "trauma" that triggered the ED (in this case, pressure to perform at a cheer competition while starring on a reality TV show, and a sexual assault). Data has actually suggested that 60% of a person's likelihood to develop an eating disorder comes from genetics alone. While environment of course is a contributing factor, many ED patients cannot point to a single defining moment as the catalyst for their disease.
--The idea that EDs are a white young woman's disease. For the people in the back: eating disorders do not discriminate based on based on age, gender, race, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, etc etc. The patients depicted in this novel do not at all reflect the diversity of the ED population.
--The idea that EDs are "standalone" diseases that can simply be "cured" by refeeding the malnourished patient. There are SO many comorbidities with EDs, ranging from psychiatric (major depression, OCD, anxiety, PTSD, borderline personality disorder) to physical (food allergies, GI issues, a compromised immune system, etc). What makes EDs so notoriously difficult to treat is how interwoven they are with other illnesses.
--The idea that inpatient treatment is summer camp/vacation. Recovery is f***ing exhausting. Every moment of every day is scheduled and supervised, from 6am to 10pm: weigh-ins, taking medications, learning therapeutic techniques, nutrition counseling, meal plan adjustments, outdoor time (walks, if you're lucky), preparing meals, eating meals, cleaning up after meals, ruminating about meals, CBT, DBT, etc. It's not cuddling on the couch watching movies, or playing around in the ceramics studio. It's work, and it's hard.
--The idea that refeeding is easy. How, in this novel, do we not see a patient refusing food?! There are so many complicated emotions that come along with refeeding, never mind the excruciating pain of it (the hot flashes and shivering, the bloated belly, the constipation). If only it were as simple as "I want to get better, so I'll eat!"
--The idea that every patient is motivated to recover. I had a hard time believe that the gray girls even wanted to become blue, because sure, while it's a step closer to freedom, it also means what every ED sufferer fears: that they've gained weight. The book never addresses the deep ambivalence (or outright fear) many ED sufferers feel about recovery. EDs serve a purpose: they are a great coping mechanism. Losing that coping mechanism is terrifying, and not every patient wants to.
There are other problems with this book: the unexplained fixation Rowan has with Shoshanna, the complete and infuriating obliviousness of Shoshanna's mother (who seems to actually be a contributing factor to Shoshanna's ED, but that's never acknowledged), the lack of a support system for the women who leave residential treatment (most step down a level of care to a day program; very few return immediately to "normal life"). The book briefly touches on how easy it is for patients to relapse but doesn't really interrogate why EDs are such insidious diseases, with very few sufferers ever achieving complete and enduring "recovery."
For those looking for a realistic portrayal of what residential treatment looks like: this isn't it. For those looking for a realistic portrayal of how it feels to suffer from an ED: this isn't it. For those looking for tips on how to be supportive to someone with an ED: you won't find them here. And so the dangerous cultural tropes of EDs continue :(
September 5, 2021
CW: eating disorders, sexual assault, suicide
Thank you to NetGalley and North Star Editions/Flux for an advanced electronic copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
Shoshana and Rowan are 17 years old, working through their eating disorders in a recovery facility in Friendsville, Maryland. Shoshana wants to get back to her life, but Rowan sees weight gain as steps back, and the program really isn't helping her. Their friendship is tested when Shoshana progresses, and she has to ask herself if it's worth staying sick to keep her friend.
The girls often share worries about "getting fat." This is fatphobic, but it's important to remember that these girls have eating disorders and aren't mentally or physically well. That doesn't excuse their behavior, but it helps to explain it. Emotions run high throughout these stories, but what the characters face is real for lots of people. The story doesn't promise a perfect happy ending, but it does encourage characters to keep pushing. I suppose the message is worthwhile at the end.
Thank you to NetGalley and North Star Editions/Flux for an advanced electronic copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
Shoshana and Rowan are 17 years old, working through their eating disorders in a recovery facility in Friendsville, Maryland. Shoshana wants to get back to her life, but Rowan sees weight gain as steps back, and the program really isn't helping her. Their friendship is tested when Shoshana progresses, and she has to ask herself if it's worth staying sick to keep her friend.
The girls often share worries about "getting fat." This is fatphobic, but it's important to remember that these girls have eating disorders and aren't mentally or physically well. That doesn't excuse their behavior, but it helps to explain it. Emotions run high throughout these stories, but what the characters face is real for lots of people. The story doesn't promise a perfect happy ending, but it does encourage characters to keep pushing. I suppose the message is worthwhile at the end.
December 30, 2021
Trigger/Content Warnings: eating disorder (anorexia), mental illness
Shoshana and Rowan are “grey girls” in their eating disorder recovery program. Becoming “blue girls” means they’ll get to leave the treatment center sooner and have more freedoms, but leaving the center means leaving each other, which neither is quite ready for yet. They essentially have to choose between their relationship and their recovery. This is mainly told through Shoshana’s perspective, but includes some chapters from Rowan’s point of view.
This book was hard to read, but also hard to put down, if that makes any sense? Although stories about people with an eating disorder usually make me too emotional to read in one sitting (which is not a bad thing, of course), I found myself too captivated to put this down for too long. Both main characters are facing pressure from their parents—Rowan’s mom’s “chew and spit” philosophy has stuck with Rowan since childhood, and Shoshana’s parents temporarily pull her from her program for Thanksgiving just to ignore all the rules she was given and throw her back into cheerleading. I can see why they found comfort in each other and didn’t want to go back home. The way these characters developed was realistic.
I’d recommend this to contemporary enjoyers, as long as you’re comfortable with the content.
Shoshana and Rowan are “grey girls” in their eating disorder recovery program. Becoming “blue girls” means they’ll get to leave the treatment center sooner and have more freedoms, but leaving the center means leaving each other, which neither is quite ready for yet. They essentially have to choose between their relationship and their recovery. This is mainly told through Shoshana’s perspective, but includes some chapters from Rowan’s point of view.
This book was hard to read, but also hard to put down, if that makes any sense? Although stories about people with an eating disorder usually make me too emotional to read in one sitting (which is not a bad thing, of course), I found myself too captivated to put this down for too long. Both main characters are facing pressure from their parents—Rowan’s mom’s “chew and spit” philosophy has stuck with Rowan since childhood, and Shoshana’s parents temporarily pull her from her program for Thanksgiving just to ignore all the rules she was given and throw her back into cheerleading. I can see why they found comfort in each other and didn’t want to go back home. The way these characters developed was realistic.
I’d recommend this to contemporary enjoyers, as long as you’re comfortable with the content.
August 27, 2021
This book has everything I could possibly want. I love sad and haunting stories that also offer hope, and BEFORE WE WERE BLUE, E. J. Schwartz's debut, gives just that.
I requested an ARC of this book on NetGalley because the cover was just so beautiful. Then I started reading it and realised it was about eating disorders--and I was drawn right in. In fact, I fell in love with this story as soon as I started it. Chapter one gives us Shoshana's POV as she's in RR, a recovery programme for her eating disorder. Immediately, I was pulled into her world and her life. She felt so, so real, and the writing was beautiful. There's something so compelling about the writing, in fact, that I just couldn't put it down. I knew immediately that this was a five-star book for me--and then I got Rowan's POV. And, just, wow. I didn't think this book could get it better, but chapter two just lifted it beyond 5 stars. We'd already met Rowan from Shoshana's POV, but chapter two, written in direct address from Rowan to Shoshana reveals the one-sided nature and complex intricacies of their friendship. There's this hard, toxic edge to Rowan and we realise she's using Shoshana. My heart was pounding reading this. It's just deliciously addictive.
Schwartz is a master of characterisation and voice, and I wasn't prepared for just how good this book was going to be. Every chapter, as I got deeper into the story, made me fall even more for this book. Shoshana and Rowan feel so real. I was breathing their stories, and Schwartz covers a lot of ground in this book.
Both girls are suffering from eating disorders, and there's a lot of discourse on bodies and social media. Shoshana is a professional cheerleader who developed her ED as a response to the pressures of this (and a pretty nasty coach), while Rowan has had her ED for longer, likely having, in some part, 'inherited' the behaviours from her mother who also showed signs of this. This book also really looks into the psychology of eating disorders and how they're often linked to other conditions--not just the physical ones caused by the effects of starvation and malnutrition, but other mental illnesses too. And it looks at WHY eating disorders can occur and how and why someone can relapse during/after treatment. There's one line from Shoshana that particularly struck me--she says about how she just wanted to be gone, and this jus really got to me. It resonated with me, and I think so many people think that eating disorders are just about food and body image, and someone's mental torture and desperation to disappear can often be overlooked because of this.
The friendship between Rowan and Shoshana is masterfully written. Rowan's arc in particular is impressive--she starts off wanting to hold onto her status as 'gray' (those whose EDs are controlling them more), and she's proud of it. She wants to be disciplined and seen as disciplined enough to maintain her status as gray (again, these were things I could personally relate to). But we see Rowan's mindset changing as she decides she wants to get better--and this coincides with her realisation about how she's been using Shoshana and needs to be a better friend.
Rowan's arc cleverly contrasts with Shoshana's. When Rowan's resisting progress at the start of the book, Shoshana is making it. When Rowan makes progress at the end, Shoshana's hitting 'rock bottom' again (perhaps, worse than before). But
This is definitely a story of friendship too--in all its different types--and we see how close and dependent the two narrators are on each other. There was this super intense relationship between them that I just adored. Now, I must just mention here that I am ace, and a lot of things that Shoshana said had me getting strong ace vibes. But I kept thinking that it wouldn't got that way, that it was just a coincidence--and then the author confirmed that this was in fact ace rep! At that point, I hadn't thought I could love this book any more, but I really did. This was just...amazing. A book that I could personally relate to not just on the eating disorder rep but also the ace rep. I was speechless. I almost couldn't believe I'd found such a perfect book for me.
I was so sad when I finished this book. I'd felt so seen in these pages, and I just wanted it to continue.
E.J. Schwartz is now an auto-buy author for me. BEFORE WE WERE BLUE is a complex look at eating disorders, friendship, social media and societal pressures, the process of healing, and asexuality. It's masterfully written, compelling and powerful, and I could not turn the pages fast enough.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC copy.
I requested an ARC of this book on NetGalley because the cover was just so beautiful. Then I started reading it and realised it was about eating disorders--and I was drawn right in. In fact, I fell in love with this story as soon as I started it. Chapter one gives us Shoshana's POV as she's in RR, a recovery programme for her eating disorder. Immediately, I was pulled into her world and her life. She felt so, so real, and the writing was beautiful. There's something so compelling about the writing, in fact, that I just couldn't put it down. I knew immediately that this was a five-star book for me--and then I got Rowan's POV. And, just, wow. I didn't think this book could get it better, but chapter two just lifted it beyond 5 stars. We'd already met Rowan from Shoshana's POV, but chapter two, written in direct address from Rowan to Shoshana reveals the one-sided nature and complex intricacies of their friendship. There's this hard, toxic edge to Rowan and we realise she's using Shoshana. My heart was pounding reading this. It's just deliciously addictive.
Schwartz is a master of characterisation and voice, and I wasn't prepared for just how good this book was going to be. Every chapter, as I got deeper into the story, made me fall even more for this book. Shoshana and Rowan feel so real. I was breathing their stories, and Schwartz covers a lot of ground in this book.
Both girls are suffering from eating disorders, and there's a lot of discourse on bodies and social media. Shoshana is a professional cheerleader who developed her ED as a response to the pressures of this (and a pretty nasty coach), while Rowan has had her ED for longer, likely having, in some part, 'inherited' the behaviours from her mother who also showed signs of this. This book also really looks into the psychology of eating disorders and how they're often linked to other conditions--not just the physical ones caused by the effects of starvation and malnutrition, but other mental illnesses too. And it looks at WHY eating disorders can occur and how and why someone can relapse during/after treatment. There's one line from Shoshana that particularly struck me--she says about how she just wanted to be gone, and this jus really got to me. It resonated with me, and I think so many people think that eating disorders are just about food and body image, and someone's mental torture and desperation to disappear can often be overlooked because of this.
The friendship between Rowan and Shoshana is masterfully written. Rowan's arc in particular is impressive--she starts off wanting to hold onto her status as 'gray' (those whose EDs are controlling them more), and she's proud of it. She wants to be disciplined and seen as disciplined enough to maintain her status as gray (again, these were things I could personally relate to). But we see Rowan's mindset changing as she decides she wants to get better--and this coincides with her realisation about how she's been using Shoshana and needs to be a better friend.
Rowan's arc cleverly contrasts with Shoshana's. When Rowan's resisting progress at the start of the book, Shoshana is making it. When Rowan makes progress at the end, Shoshana's hitting 'rock bottom' again (perhaps, worse than before). But
This is definitely a story of friendship too--in all its different types--and we see how close and dependent the two narrators are on each other. There was this super intense relationship between them that I just adored. Now, I must just mention here that I am ace, and a lot of things that Shoshana said had me getting strong ace vibes. But I kept thinking that it wouldn't got that way, that it was just a coincidence--and then the author confirmed that this was in fact ace rep! At that point, I hadn't thought I could love this book any more, but I really did. This was just...amazing. A book that I could personally relate to not just on the eating disorder rep but also the ace rep. I was speechless. I almost couldn't believe I'd found such a perfect book for me.
I was so sad when I finished this book. I'd felt so seen in these pages, and I just wanted it to continue.
E.J. Schwartz is now an auto-buy author for me. BEFORE WE WERE BLUE is a complex look at eating disorders, friendship, social media and societal pressures, the process of healing, and asexuality. It's masterfully written, compelling and powerful, and I could not turn the pages fast enough.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC copy.
February 15, 2021
Brilliant protrayal of eating disorders, does not glamorize it in any way. Had heartbreaking moments but seeing the girls being able to stay strong and at times overcome battles was great to see! The writing style was interesting, I can't believe this is the authors debut! Will definitely pick up Schwartz's next novel.
March 10, 2021
A realistic story with sime hard truths that make you thing about things in life. Being a teenager is never easy, trying to find your own way in life. Its hard to let go of the you, you know and become toe you,you really want to be. This story is about 2 wonderful and strong girls who havr been on the wrong path in live and are trying to find there own way. I really enjoyed this story because it feels so real. You feel so much with the characters because sometimes you went through the same thing.
April 28, 2022
What a beautiful, underrated piece of writing. This novel deserves so much more attention than it’s received.
Rowan & Shoshana’s fiercely intimate relationship turned out to be the thing that was both keeping them going and holding them back. It was meaningful, and it was true, but ultimately it was toxic.
What I wouldn’t do for a sequel where they meet again, living the lives they deserve and facing any struggles that come their way together.
Rowan & Shoshana’s fiercely intimate relationship turned out to be the thing that was both keeping them going and holding them back. It was meaningful, and it was true, but ultimately it was toxic.
What I wouldn’t do for a sequel where they meet again, living the lives they deserve and facing any struggles that come their way together.
November 14, 2021
This amazing mature debut is billed as a young adult novel but it’s a book every teen, adult and parent should read. With a look inside a recovery center for eating disorders, this cautionary tale shines a light on the struggles teens face (specifically girls) living in an age that puts unrealistic expectations on them and the dangers and lengths they go to to reach those expectations. Elite sports and social media are not portrayed in a flattering way.
If you only read one book this year, make it this one!
If you only read one book this year, make it this one!
May 13, 2023
this book was probably the best book i read this year. i genuinely loved it. you should definitely read what the trigger warnings are before reading: it covers tons of tough topics. this absolutely deserves 5 stars in my opinion.
January 24, 2023
It ripped my heart out and shoved it back into my chest. I fell in love with the way it captured eating disorders without romantising it. This showed them as they are
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 20, 2021
I have a lot of mixed feelings about this one. I loved reading about someone who is Jewish in eating disorder recovery, the sports aspect, the sexuality subplot and I also enjoyed the two perspectives of Rowan and Shoshana overall. The characters were multidimensional and felt real, and that is always excellent when reading recovery books.
I had some major issues, but it mainly boils down to this:
For folks who read Wintergirls and want something more GenZ, this is the book for you.
I had some major issues, but it mainly boils down to this:
For folks who read Wintergirls and want something more GenZ, this is the book for you.
March 24, 2021
The intensity of their relationship startled me from the get-go and never seemed to resolve -- like, we never got an explanation for WHY they were so infatuated with each other right away, from the very first chapter. I kept waiting for their relationship to make sense and it never did. Rowan was also a distasteful character and I didn't like her until close to the ending, while at the same time, Shoshana was obviously meant to be the "likeable" one but she felt one-dimensional instead.
January 18, 2022
I'm going through some weird phase where I keep randomly picking up all these books about therapy and stuff.
September 6, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book. I am offering my honest opinion voluntarily.
CONTENT WARNING: eating disorder, antisemitism, bullying, mention of death, mention of suicide, mention of self-harm, mention of sexual assault, mention of infidelity
This was a tough book, with a lot of heavy material involved. It starts out with two girls who are in treatment for eating disorders, and involved in an unhealthy friendship. Shoshana’s character is relatively likable initially, while Rowan is intensely unlikable. There’s more than a hint of antisemitism in some of Rowan’s thoughts about Shoshana, despite her growing feelings for her. It pops up early, as in the first sentence of her first POV chapter, and it made me dislike her even more than I already did. However, this seems to be a theme, since Shoshana faces it in her outside life as well.
The girls are in a treatment facility where they have no access to their phones, the internet, and are limited in their contact with family members. I don’t know very much at all about eating disorder treatment, but it surprised me that the girls all seemed to have no worries about insurance plan coverage. It didn’t seem entirely realistic that this treatment would be covered for months, especially with the state of healthcare coverage in the US. I was also surprised that family sessions weren’t mentioned, since I would have expected families to be at least minimally included in the treatment process. But as I said, this isn’t an area that I know much about.
As far as the eating disorder portrayal, the story didn’t glorify it. The characters were open about their struggles while also discussing the ugly side effects of having an eating disorder. The grim reality of life with an eating disorder and the prognosis was mentioned.
After reading further into the story, I enjoyed seeing the characters change. Watching them grow, progress, slip, pick themselves up, struggle through the recovery process in a non-linear fashion was fascinating. And I noticed that my feelings about Shoshana and Rowan changed dramatically over the course of the story. While I started reading feeling one way, I finished feeling completely differently.
This wasn’t the easiest book to read, since it dealt with some serious subject matter, but it is something that many people face on a daily basis. It was a good book, and I enjoyed getting to learn more about the characters, to get inside their heads. It also dealt with sexuality in the two MCs, both of whom are figuring out how they want to define themselves. I enjoyed seeing them come to terms with the labels they wanted to use to refer to themselves.
CONTENT WARNING: eating disorder, antisemitism, bullying, mention of death, mention of suicide, mention of self-harm, mention of sexual assault, mention of infidelity
This was a tough book, with a lot of heavy material involved. It starts out with two girls who are in treatment for eating disorders, and involved in an unhealthy friendship. Shoshana’s character is relatively likable initially, while Rowan is intensely unlikable. There’s more than a hint of antisemitism in some of Rowan’s thoughts about Shoshana, despite her growing feelings for her. It pops up early, as in the first sentence of her first POV chapter, and it made me dislike her even more than I already did. However, this seems to be a theme, since Shoshana faces it in her outside life as well.
The girls are in a treatment facility where they have no access to their phones, the internet, and are limited in their contact with family members. I don’t know very much at all about eating disorder treatment, but it surprised me that the girls all seemed to have no worries about insurance plan coverage. It didn’t seem entirely realistic that this treatment would be covered for months, especially with the state of healthcare coverage in the US. I was also surprised that family sessions weren’t mentioned, since I would have expected families to be at least minimally included in the treatment process. But as I said, this isn’t an area that I know much about.
As far as the eating disorder portrayal, the story didn’t glorify it. The characters were open about their struggles while also discussing the ugly side effects of having an eating disorder. The grim reality of life with an eating disorder and the prognosis was mentioned.
After reading further into the story, I enjoyed seeing the characters change. Watching them grow, progress, slip, pick themselves up, struggle through the recovery process in a non-linear fashion was fascinating. And I noticed that my feelings about Shoshana and Rowan changed dramatically over the course of the story. While I started reading feeling one way, I finished feeling completely differently.
This wasn’t the easiest book to read, since it dealt with some serious subject matter, but it is something that many people face on a daily basis. It was a good book, and I enjoyed getting to learn more about the characters, to get inside their heads. It also dealt with sexuality in the two MCs, both of whom are figuring out how they want to define themselves. I enjoyed seeing them come to terms with the labels they wanted to use to refer to themselves.
September 15, 2021
Before We Were Blue is the story of young teens struggling with various eating disorders. It takes place primarily in their rehab center as the girls are working to improve their health. We follow two main characters, Shoshana and Rowan. Shoshana is a cheerleading star, in the rehab center after a complete breakdown during practice. Rowan has been in and out of various centers for years. The girls live very different lives, but come close together through the mutual existence of their eating disorders.
We start with Shosh's point of view. Chapters alternate between hers and Rowan's point of view. You feel very engaged in Shoshana's life, both in and outside of the rehab facility. Rowan's chapters, however, are written as if Rowan was talking to Shosh. Except it's mostly in Rowan's head, and there isn't a lot of dialogue for those chapters. Because of this, I feel like we got to experience so much more about Shoshana, and very little about Rowan. I definitely wish I got to be more intimate with Rowan's personal life. On the other hand, I wish I was more intimate with Shosh's thoughts the way we were with Rowan. Overall, the writing just felt very broken and inconsistent. Each point of view was lacking in the way the other point of view was stronger.
I really liked getting to hear about Shoshana's cheerleading life. Y'all who like reality tv, sports, and competition will definitely get a kick out of that part. It definitely led to interesting character dynamics throughout the story, and I loved how the author used this in the story.
I'm a big fan of dark humor. If you aren't, this book is not for you. Rowan especially makes very dark and twisted comments, asking all sorts of dangerous questions. It can definitely be upsetting if read by the wrong person. If you do love dark humor though, you'll probably get along with the writing just fine.
One of my favorite parts of this book was the LGBTQIA+ rep. One of the characters discovers they are asexual and it's beautiful to watch the development of accepting this.
I really enjoy the overall premise of this book, but I don't feel like it was the strongest book of this genre that I've read. It was very character-driven, but I didn't feel like there was enough development (positive or negative) to make the journey entirely worth it. If you like relationship based books, this may be something that interests you. If you like plot-driven books, maybe not so much.
Content warnings: eating disorders, suicide, depression, medical trauma
Overall, I give this book 3/5 stars.
Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for sending me an advanced e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
We start with Shosh's point of view. Chapters alternate between hers and Rowan's point of view. You feel very engaged in Shoshana's life, both in and outside of the rehab facility. Rowan's chapters, however, are written as if Rowan was talking to Shosh. Except it's mostly in Rowan's head, and there isn't a lot of dialogue for those chapters. Because of this, I feel like we got to experience so much more about Shoshana, and very little about Rowan. I definitely wish I got to be more intimate with Rowan's personal life. On the other hand, I wish I was more intimate with Shosh's thoughts the way we were with Rowan. Overall, the writing just felt very broken and inconsistent. Each point of view was lacking in the way the other point of view was stronger.
I really liked getting to hear about Shoshana's cheerleading life. Y'all who like reality tv, sports, and competition will definitely get a kick out of that part. It definitely led to interesting character dynamics throughout the story, and I loved how the author used this in the story.
I'm a big fan of dark humor. If you aren't, this book is not for you. Rowan especially makes very dark and twisted comments, asking all sorts of dangerous questions. It can definitely be upsetting if read by the wrong person. If you do love dark humor though, you'll probably get along with the writing just fine.
One of my favorite parts of this book was the LGBTQIA+ rep. One of the characters discovers they are asexual and it's beautiful to watch the development of accepting this.
I really enjoy the overall premise of this book, but I don't feel like it was the strongest book of this genre that I've read. It was very character-driven, but I didn't feel like there was enough development (positive or negative) to make the journey entirely worth it. If you like relationship based books, this may be something that interests you. If you like plot-driven books, maybe not so much.
Content warnings: eating disorders, suicide, depression, medical trauma
Overall, I give this book 3/5 stars.
Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for sending me an advanced e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
September 14, 2021
Review originally published at: https://lomeraniel.com/book-review-be...
Shoshana and Rowan, two girls from completely different worlds, meet at a recovery center for girls with eating disorders. Each girl is in a different moment in life but the specific circumstances in which they meet make them walk together for a while transforming each other’s life.
Soshana and Rowan narrate each their own story in alternating chapters, written in first person. Many of the events are told from both points of view, which makes clear how different their views of the world are. The writing style is different too. The easy and the most typical thing would have been to create a similar narrative for each of them, as we see in other books, but the way in which they express themselves says sometimes more than the words themselves. Shoshana reads like regular literary fiction written in first person, but Rowan’s parts feel like letters written to Shoshana. I think I liked these ones better because they showed a reflexive quality in Rowen that we didn’t see on the outside.
I don’t have an eating disorder, so it’s difficult for me to form an opinion of both girls, but even though I could relate to them at times, none of them was especially likable. They were too real and flawed at times which, in turn, made the story more believable and gripping. I found myself relating more to one of them at the beginning but this changed over the course of the book at witnessing both characters’ evolution.
Gail Shalan and Chloe Dolandis delivered an exquisite dual narration that made this audiobook a very enjoyable experience. Both narrators have pleasant voices and excellent interpretations skills, and did an amazing job at expressing the girls’ emotions with their voices, to the point that, at times, I had the impression of listening to two lost girls instead of two narrators performing in an audio production. I love dual narrations for this kind of book, as they help the listener to make a clear distinction between both characters from the start. It also adds another layer of complexity and richness that makes for a better listening experience.
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
Shoshana and Rowan, two girls from completely different worlds, meet at a recovery center for girls with eating disorders. Each girl is in a different moment in life but the specific circumstances in which they meet make them walk together for a while transforming each other’s life.
Soshana and Rowan narrate each their own story in alternating chapters, written in first person. Many of the events are told from both points of view, which makes clear how different their views of the world are. The writing style is different too. The easy and the most typical thing would have been to create a similar narrative for each of them, as we see in other books, but the way in which they express themselves says sometimes more than the words themselves. Shoshana reads like regular literary fiction written in first person, but Rowan’s parts feel like letters written to Shoshana. I think I liked these ones better because they showed a reflexive quality in Rowen that we didn’t see on the outside.
I don’t have an eating disorder, so it’s difficult for me to form an opinion of both girls, but even though I could relate to them at times, none of them was especially likable. They were too real and flawed at times which, in turn, made the story more believable and gripping. I found myself relating more to one of them at the beginning but this changed over the course of the book at witnessing both characters’ evolution.
Gail Shalan and Chloe Dolandis delivered an exquisite dual narration that made this audiobook a very enjoyable experience. Both narrators have pleasant voices and excellent interpretations skills, and did an amazing job at expressing the girls’ emotions with their voices, to the point that, at times, I had the impression of listening to two lost girls instead of two narrators performing in an audio production. I love dual narrations for this kind of book, as they help the listener to make a clear distinction between both characters from the start. It also adds another layer of complexity and richness that makes for a better listening experience.
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
September 8, 2021
CW: Eating disorders, eating disorder treatment centre, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, suicide, sexual abuse, catfishing, online bullying and parental neglect.
Thank you to NetGalley and publishers for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
E J Schwartz has provided a complex narrative about 2 opposite-attract girls in an eating disorder treatment centre. The dual perspective narrative told in 1st person for Shoshana and 2nd person for Rowan, specifically addressed to Shoshana, was excellently crafted in putting us in the minds of each girl, and for Rowan's personality to present first in a rather unsettling way; a reflection of her character and growth.
Shosh and Rowan meet at this facility and outside of the centre they would have never known each other. Shosh is your celebrity cheerleader that reminded me of the show Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Rowan is from a negligent household and just trying to survive. One point I feel Schwartz is trying to make is that anyone can be affected by eating disorders, whether it's learnt from family or because of your job/life/aspirations or just *because*. The representation of spectrums (not just EDs) explored felt true to life. Their experience with EDs is not glamorized and there were important quotes readers may need to hear.
Overall, I think it is an important read and hopefully individuals who need this book find it at the right time for them. It’s not an easy read, and not meant to be. This book is not meant to have you comfortable whilst reading. It is designed to get you thinking, engaged and pondering what does it mean to heal? Journeys aren’t always linear and each individual finds their own navigation, whether that be Rowan’s, Shosh’s or Alyssa’s.
I have never suffered from an eating-disorder so I can not comment on the accuracy/portrayal but my reading experience felt these girls were seen. I am not sure in relation to the authors’ own experiences but the author’s note feels confident in addressing this topic with care. Also, there are anti-Semantic comments, however, the author is Jewish. I am not Jewish and don’t feel like it’s my place to comment, just raise awareness.
Thank you to NetGalley and publishers for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
E J Schwartz has provided a complex narrative about 2 opposite-attract girls in an eating disorder treatment centre. The dual perspective narrative told in 1st person for Shoshana and 2nd person for Rowan, specifically addressed to Shoshana, was excellently crafted in putting us in the minds of each girl, and for Rowan's personality to present first in a rather unsettling way; a reflection of her character and growth.
Shosh and Rowan meet at this facility and outside of the centre they would have never known each other. Shosh is your celebrity cheerleader that reminded me of the show Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Rowan is from a negligent household and just trying to survive. One point I feel Schwartz is trying to make is that anyone can be affected by eating disorders, whether it's learnt from family or because of your job/life/aspirations or just *because*. The representation of spectrums (not just EDs) explored felt true to life. Their experience with EDs is not glamorized and there were important quotes readers may need to hear.
Overall, I think it is an important read and hopefully individuals who need this book find it at the right time for them. It’s not an easy read, and not meant to be. This book is not meant to have you comfortable whilst reading. It is designed to get you thinking, engaged and pondering what does it mean to heal? Journeys aren’t always linear and each individual finds their own navigation, whether that be Rowan’s, Shosh’s or Alyssa’s.
I have never suffered from an eating-disorder so I can not comment on the accuracy/portrayal but my reading experience felt these girls were seen. I am not sure in relation to the authors’ own experiences but the author’s note feels confident in addressing this topic with care. Also, there are anti-Semantic comments, however, the author is Jewish. I am not Jewish and don’t feel like it’s my place to comment, just raise awareness.
March 10, 2021
Do yourself a favor and read this book! No matter how old are you, you need to tead this book. This story is brilliant, wonderful and amazing. I love each word, each letter on this book. And I don't exaggerate, believe me. This story is a jewel.
Here we have two pints of view, thanks to the author, because this way I could to understand the feelings and the thoughts of thwo main characters. It was a great experience, really.
The story takes place in the Rehabilitation center for girls with eating disorder. In one hand, we have Shoshana, the perfect, nice and lovely girl that is beloved by everyone. In the other hand, we have Rowan, the wild, incomphomist and a bit rude girl. These two girls they build a friendship between them. This relationship is supportive and very solid. I can't tell you more about them, only than we see how their relationship develops. The author lead us through their journey in the RR and how they change.
Seems pretty simple and even can be a bit boring, right? Nope! Far away from this. The book hooks you since the first page. If you start it, you won't put it down until the end. I loved how Rowan tells us about how the society works, how people try to being accepted by the others, how we get angry and how we can change and be better. I loved how the author tell us that have sex without saying NO directly, is a rape. (Thanks for that). I loved that concept of 'asexual' was included. And I loved a lot of things. I can't tell to all of you things I have enjoyed because it would be a huge spoiler. But I want you to read this book, because it's wonderful. It's amazingly beautiful written, it's well paced, it's very interesting and I'm in love with it.
You need to read it!
Here we have two pints of view, thanks to the author, because this way I could to understand the feelings and the thoughts of thwo main characters. It was a great experience, really.
The story takes place in the Rehabilitation center for girls with eating disorder. In one hand, we have Shoshana, the perfect, nice and lovely girl that is beloved by everyone. In the other hand, we have Rowan, the wild, incomphomist and a bit rude girl. These two girls they build a friendship between them. This relationship is supportive and very solid. I can't tell you more about them, only than we see how their relationship develops. The author lead us through their journey in the RR and how they change.
Seems pretty simple and even can be a bit boring, right? Nope! Far away from this. The book hooks you since the first page. If you start it, you won't put it down until the end. I loved how Rowan tells us about how the society works, how people try to being accepted by the others, how we get angry and how we can change and be better. I loved how the author tell us that have sex without saying NO directly, is a rape. (Thanks for that). I loved that concept of 'asexual' was included. And I loved a lot of things. I can't tell to all of you things I have enjoyed because it would be a huge spoiler. But I want you to read this book, because it's wonderful. It's amazingly beautiful written, it's well paced, it's very interesting and I'm in love with it.
You need to read it!
November 24, 2021
I wanted to like this one more than I did. I was in the mood for something hard hitting and something that would make me think, and although it dealt with some big issues, there was something that was lacking.
I did like the alternating viewpoints, but I can't deny that Shoshana's chapters were much easier to read than Rowan's. Rowan came off like an obsessed psychopath for most of the book. I suppose that was the point - to show how an eating disorder on top of abuse can warp your brain and your grasp of reality. I get it. Doesn't mean I liked it.
I actually liked Shoshana's background with Cheer Champions because I thought it brought something new to the table. We see so many reality shows these days with people needing to look and Abby perfect for likes, guess y, sponsorships, etc. No one really stops to think about what that can do to a person's psyche. And in the age where "the internet is forever," one poor choice or selection of words can completely derail your career and turn everyone against you. Adding that on top of an eating disorder which is already a battle within yourself can crush you. Makes me curious to see how all those girls from Dance Moms are doing now. They can't all be Maggie or JoJo.
Although there were things in here I liked, I thought the book itself fell a bit flat because everything seemed kind of surface level. Shoshana figures out she's asexual and that's it. Rowan figures out she needs to love herself first and that's it. Shoshana sets fire to her career with one bad tweet and that's it. There just didn't seem to be a lot of follow through with the aftermath for anything.
Overall, it was alright. Some good stuff in here, some lack of development.
I did like the alternating viewpoints, but I can't deny that Shoshana's chapters were much easier to read than Rowan's. Rowan came off like an obsessed psychopath for most of the book. I suppose that was the point - to show how an eating disorder on top of abuse can warp your brain and your grasp of reality. I get it. Doesn't mean I liked it.
I actually liked Shoshana's background with Cheer Champions because I thought it brought something new to the table. We see so many reality shows these days with people needing to look and Abby perfect for likes, guess y, sponsorships, etc. No one really stops to think about what that can do to a person's psyche. And in the age where "the internet is forever," one poor choice or selection of words can completely derail your career and turn everyone against you. Adding that on top of an eating disorder which is already a battle within yourself can crush you. Makes me curious to see how all those girls from Dance Moms are doing now. They can't all be Maggie or JoJo.
Although there were things in here I liked, I thought the book itself fell a bit flat because everything seemed kind of surface level. Shoshana figures out she's asexual and that's it. Rowan figures out she needs to love herself first and that's it. Shoshana sets fire to her career with one bad tweet and that's it. There just didn't seem to be a lot of follow through with the aftermath for anything.
Overall, it was alright. Some good stuff in here, some lack of development.
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