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Momspeak: The Funny, Bittersweet Story of Motherhood in India
In this original, first-of-its-kind book, Pooja Pande looks at the experience of motherhood, which is glorified but barely understood. She boldly questions commonly held beliefs, peppering the narrative with engaging anecdotes and a generous helping of wit and humour. In the Indian context, ironically, where mothers are put on a pedestal, it is much harder for the woman to claim her human feelings-from ecstasy to depression, jealous possessiveness to indifference, exhaustion to sensual desire. Through vignettes of her personal journey, and hilarious and poignant episodes in the lives of different mothers-single, divorced or lesbian-Pooja shines new light on this special, life-affirming and life-altering moment.
212 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 1, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
September 13, 2020
This is a very important work, and makes for a thoroughly engaging, enjoyable and thought provoking reading. While it is the story of motherhood in India, given the instances and the background of the narratives, the principles it proposes go the heart of the conception of motherhood.
The author dispels any sacred notions surrounding motherhood as harmful, which in her view ultimately celebrate the mother solely in the context of her capacity to birth and raise the child while ignoring her being completely. She makes a strong case for reclaiming the idea of motherhood for what it is, and not what culture imposes upon it. For her, Indian culture's glorification of a mother as being naturally and infinitely capable of meeting every obstacle of pregnancy, birthing and raising a child is problematic. She illustrates through personal experience how this isn't something natural to a person at all, and shifting of all responsibility to the mother alone is manifestly unfair and unhealthy.
In a frank and freewheeling discussion, she discusses the hopes and fears that come with motherhood. She interviews many mothers from all walks of life in this continuing discussion. Through this collective discussion, she covers the stage of pregnancy, the delivery, post-birthing horrors, family's reactions to the child based on its gender, reclaiming pre-pregnancy life, the tribulations of single mothers, the unique challenges of queer mothers, stigmas attached to the motherhood of sex workers, pains and fears of losing a child and much more. These are all real life experiences, and they attempt to approach motherhood from a feminist perspective.
At a more theoretical level, the apparent conflict between motherhood (viewed in a patriarchal construct) and feminism is answered by making a case for viewing the experience 'motherhood' as a choice that a woman is free to make, an identity she is free to adopt, should she choose to – choice being the central tenet of feminism. The perceived necessity of being a working mother is met as it being a capitalist construct, that necessarily views a full-time mother with shame, having no contribution to the economy and leading to a curbing of the individual's independence. The author adopts the argument that this image needs to be shattered, and the motherhood experience be treated as a part of a the life a woman chooses to lead. Quoting Anne-Marie Slaughter, full equality doesn't just mean valuing women on male terms. Motherhood is an opportunity for 'rebuilding the self', and taking control over this process by opposing the imposed culture is, in the author's view, very well feminist. The invisible labour of a mother in a household requires due acknowledgment.
I think that this book makes a case for all of us to introspect how we engage with motherhood in India. This book serves as a primer really, for a larger and more engaged conversation of how we think of motherhood and what we can do to make it a wholesome experience – first and foremost for the individual who is the mother.
P.S. The author herself is quite a force for change, being associated with ‘Khabar Lahariya’, and she spends a chapter of this book on the motherhood story of its founder. More about this story: https://www.ted.com/talks/pooja_pande...
The author dispels any sacred notions surrounding motherhood as harmful, which in her view ultimately celebrate the mother solely in the context of her capacity to birth and raise the child while ignoring her being completely. She makes a strong case for reclaiming the idea of motherhood for what it is, and not what culture imposes upon it. For her, Indian culture's glorification of a mother as being naturally and infinitely capable of meeting every obstacle of pregnancy, birthing and raising a child is problematic. She illustrates through personal experience how this isn't something natural to a person at all, and shifting of all responsibility to the mother alone is manifestly unfair and unhealthy.
In a frank and freewheeling discussion, she discusses the hopes and fears that come with motherhood. She interviews many mothers from all walks of life in this continuing discussion. Through this collective discussion, she covers the stage of pregnancy, the delivery, post-birthing horrors, family's reactions to the child based on its gender, reclaiming pre-pregnancy life, the tribulations of single mothers, the unique challenges of queer mothers, stigmas attached to the motherhood of sex workers, pains and fears of losing a child and much more. These are all real life experiences, and they attempt to approach motherhood from a feminist perspective.
At a more theoretical level, the apparent conflict between motherhood (viewed in a patriarchal construct) and feminism is answered by making a case for viewing the experience 'motherhood' as a choice that a woman is free to make, an identity she is free to adopt, should she choose to – choice being the central tenet of feminism. The perceived necessity of being a working mother is met as it being a capitalist construct, that necessarily views a full-time mother with shame, having no contribution to the economy and leading to a curbing of the individual's independence. The author adopts the argument that this image needs to be shattered, and the motherhood experience be treated as a part of a the life a woman chooses to lead. Quoting Anne-Marie Slaughter, full equality doesn't just mean valuing women on male terms. Motherhood is an opportunity for 'rebuilding the self', and taking control over this process by opposing the imposed culture is, in the author's view, very well feminist. The invisible labour of a mother in a household requires due acknowledgment.
I think that this book makes a case for all of us to introspect how we engage with motherhood in India. This book serves as a primer really, for a larger and more engaged conversation of how we think of motherhood and what we can do to make it a wholesome experience – first and foremost for the individual who is the mother.
P.S. The author herself is quite a force for change, being associated with ‘Khabar Lahariya’, and she spends a chapter of this book on the motherhood story of its founder. More about this story: https://www.ted.com/talks/pooja_pande...
July 4, 2021
Mother of all motherhood books.. I thought it to be one of the cliched mother books. It deals with every kind of motherhood.
Every story, page is something every mother can relate to. In control mother, queer mother, the I always wanted to be mother or don't want to be my mother, the book addresses all the issues not commonly not discussed.
I understand my own motherhood better and my mother.
Every story, page is something every mother can relate to. In control mother, queer mother, the I always wanted to be mother or don't want to be my mother, the book addresses all the issues not commonly not discussed.
I understand my own motherhood better and my mother.
June 6, 2022
When I connected with my college friend Pooja, after all these years and discovered that she’d authored a book, I just had to get a copy. And as I was reading Pooja’s book “momspeak”, it just made me so happy to realize that this witty, bright, open minded young girl I hung out with hadn’t really changed….it felt like we were sitting on the front lawns of LSR and having these discussions, only that we were too young and naive then. Well, it only means I’m the one who’s done a lot of catching up and I’m now at a stage where I found Pooja whose thoughts and ideas resonate so much with mine. My favorite chapters were Don’t Wanna End Up like Mom, Frenemies Forever: Feminism and Motherhood. As the last two chapters they made me instrospect. Ofcourse the whole book is so so relatable to those of us who were so very overwhelmed on that first day of motherhood that we can’t say like many who do that “It was the happiest day of my life.” The amount of research and hard work put in this work to include voices from all sections of our society must have been enormous. And in such a non judgmental manner. Embracing one and all. Hat’s off.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews