Heavy Light: A Journey Through Madness, Mania and Healing

by Horatio Clare

'An extraordinary deeply moving, darkly funny and hugely powerful' Robert Macfarlane

Heavy Light is the story of a a journey through mania, psychosis and treatment in a psychiatric hospital, and onwards to release, recovery and healing.

After a lifetime of ups and downs, Horatio Clare was committed to hospital under Section 2 of the Mental Health Act.

From hypomania in the Alps, to a complete breakdown and a locked ward in Wakefield, this is a gripping account of how the mind loses touch with reality, how we fall apart and how we can be healed - or not - by treatment. A story of the wonder and intensity of the manic experience, as well as its peril and strangeness, it is shot through with the love, kindness, humour and care of those who deal with someone who becomes dangerously ill.

Partly a tribute to those who looked after Horatio, from family and friends to strangers and professionals, and partly an investigation into how we understand and treat acute crises of mental health, Heavy Light 's beauty, power and compassion illuminate a fundamental part of human experience. It asks urgent questions about mental health that affect each and every one of us.


'One of the most brilliant travel writers of our day takes us us now to that most challenging country, severe mental illness; and does so with such wit, warmth, and humanity, that, better acquainted with its terrors, we may better face our own' Reverend Richard Coles

' A record of the bravest, most perilous, most intrepid journey that any human being can ever make. It is stricken, moving, urgent, crucial . . . A luminous, beautiful achievement' Niall Griffiths

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Memoir, Biography, Biography Memoir, Health

368 pages, Hardcover

Published March 4, 2021

About the author

Horatio Clare (b. 1973) is a writer, radio producer and journalist. Born in London, he and his brother Alexander grew up on a hill farm in the Black Mountains of south Wales. Clare describes the experience in his first book Running for the Hills (John Murray 2006) in which he sets out to trace the course and causes of his parents divorce, and recalls the eccentric, romantic and often harsh conditions of his childhood. The book was widely and favourably reviewed in the UK, where it became a bestseller, as in the US.

Running for the Hills was nominated for the Guardian First Book Award and shortlisted for the Sunday Times Young Writer of the Year Award. Horatio has written about Ethiopia, Namibia and Morocco, and now divides his time between South Wales, Lancashire and London. He was awarded a Somerset Maugham Award for the writing of A Single Swallow (Chatto and Windus, 2009).

Reviews

[Roger Morgan-Grenville · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brave and hugely important, this is a searingly honest account of what happens when the balances in the brain go wrong, and how ill-prepared we are as a country to deal with it effectively and humanely. By turns extraordinary, emotional and funny, it is worth a read even if madness isn't in your list of interests.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was a brilliant description of what it’s like to be in the throes of mania and psychosis and I really appreciated his brave honesty. It was interesting to contrast how much was going on under the surface with how much he let on to the people around him.

I have to say I felt mental health services were rather damned if they do and damned if they don’t. They took a long time to detain him though in part I think that was a lot about how well he could present and the necessarily strict grounds for detention meaning that you have to try least restrictive options such as crisis teams first. Then as soon as he gets in they’re criticised for offering medication. But at that point he’s so unwell that his therapist has said he needs a psychiatrist (and presumably therefore the one thing they uniquely can offer - which is medication). Whilst I accept that long term medication may not be necessary if he really could stick to his lifestyle changes it seems that short term it was what was needed. And he had significantly less concerns about using cannabis prior to his illness which is also a mind altering substance! There were a lot of factual inaccuracies and unbalanced views regarding medication. Many people do not want therapy and look to a medication just to reduce some of the distress they’re experiencing. It would have been nice to have that perspective reflected.

The best balance came in the interview with the social worker and the nurse. I was interested though that he didn’t choose to approach the inpatient psychiatrist. It rather gave the impression that all psychiatrists are interested in his prescribing medication which felt extremely unfair as that is a profound misrepresentation. Psychotherapy originated amongst psychiatrists and is a crucial part of their training.

Overall quite a nicely written account but lacked as much reflection and balance as I would have liked.

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible book - raw, uncompromising in its honesty. Most writers of non-fiction understandably wish to present themselves in the best possible light. Horatio Clare is ruthless in presenting the pain and distress caused by his psychotic episode. It's a book of huge courage - he looks the 'heavy light' straight in its yellow eye.

[Gabe Powell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Literally couldn’t put it down

[Blaine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Harrowing account of a manic episode and well-written, hard-to-read diary of days as an involuntary, sectioned patient in a mental health facility. The last part is a report on treatment options in the U.K. and a criticism of drug treatment. I found this last part a bit rushed and superficial. He raises valid questions but he is not an expert in the area. Still, it is good to hear his story and read his interviews with various people who are on the frontline for treating people and administering mental health services.

[Ellen-Arwen Tristram · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this with a not very clear head, but it was a really readable book - Clare is an excellent writer, really excellent. If I was more interested in travel writing (his main other genre), then I might check out his other books!

As implied by the title, this book is heavy. It's split into two sections formally, but in my head there were three parts - his experience with mania; his experience being sectioned and detained; and the time after his release where he tries to understand not only what happened to him, but what is the truth of the 'mental health crisis' in Britain (and beyond), and more specifically, what role do antipsychotics and antidepressants play in perpetuating or even creating more crises.

The first section was (perhaps obviously) completely wild; it interested me less, but would probably be shocking to people without experience in mental health crises etc. The second two sections were much more interesting (and pertinent), particularly when he returns to where he was sectioned, and tries to discover the reasoning behind people's behaviour (the police, the consultant psychiatrist, the social workers, the home treatment team, the individual support workers, his partner and her older son - and then wider, to the care commissioners and then people in parliament who deal with adult social services).

I have a lot of Thoughts about his exploration of psychoactive medication, but can't quite get my head round them at the moment. A really worthwhile read, and worth coming back to, if I'm able to, with a clearer head. The knowledge that a lot of antidepressants and antipsychotics are prescribed without knowing long-term side effects is frightening, and speaks to my own experience, which I'm coming to terms with at the moment. Coming off of long term SSRIs or antipsychotics can cause as many (or more) problems than going on them... (This was set by my book group at a very bad/very good time, depending on how you look at it).

I applaud the radical honesty, and want more open dialogue on this subject, in a book which also contains some beautiful writing. Bravo.

(This was set for book club and I was advised very heavily by various people not to read it, as it could be triggering (and it couldn't have come at a worse time because quite a bit of the book is to do with sectioning and being incarcerated in mental health units), but I read it anyway. It wasn't triggering as it didn't align to my experiences, although there were many, many parallels.)

[Joe Westall · Rating 4 out of 5]

I met Horatio when he attended the timber festival to do a talk on this book. I was moved then by his talk and the experiences he shared. Having struggled massively myself with mental health I found this a real and true account. The mind is a powerful thing and Clare shows us the places it can take you.

[Lyn Lockwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant examination of mental illness, detention under the mental health act and the serious problems with current medication and treatment programmes in the UK. But also a compelling personal story written with poetry and humanity. Absolutely fantastic book.

[Sophy H · Rating 5 out of 5]

This title by Horatio Clare was astounding.

The writing was almost bleak in its honesty, raw in its sincerity and brutally self-effacing. Clare's description of his "breakdown" or manic episode which resulted in him being Sectioned under the Mental Health Act is heartbreakingly authentic and I feel his bravery in exposing not only his experience but that of his wife/his children/his friends/his family.

There really is a bravery in writing about a total breakdown of the senses and mental processes that make us who we are in our lived experience. It is such an unusual ordeal for most of us to comprehend, that shifting of reality and otherness of existing.

What makes this book stand out for me is the inclusion of the "second part" if you like, where Clare, once he is "recovered", delves into the background of mental health services in the UK. He talks to everyone from the nurse who cared for him on the ward, to the CCG directors responsible for policy at local level, to mental health consultants looking at alternative approaches to the medical models of treatment. I found this really interesting, given the explosion in mental health issues, that some professionals are trying to steer away from the "one pill fits all" approach.

A fantastic book that is really an eye opening education into mental health services in modern day UK.

[Georgie Fay · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of this book traces the breakdown of the author, which I found difficult reading, his privilege shone through and made me immediately prejudiced against him. And subsequently the way in which he was able to navigate the mental health system through connections and status as privately-educated middle-aged white man was irritating at first but then he cleverly took the reader with him, by acknowledging all this and then using his status to discover more. I found the second half of the book, which followed his healing and journey through recovery, deeply honest and heartfelt and really informative. It was reassuring to read about all the people working tirelessly to make a difference to people’s lives and mental health (although deeply sad that the Tory MP of the area was not one of those people). It made me want to do more research and reading, which is never a bad thing!

[Debbi Barton · Rating 5 out of 5]

When you come across a book that pulls you up and makes you stop in your tracks and really think about it's contents - this is that one. It's got me scrambling to read more about alternative ways to treating mental well-being. I'm always open to looking at getting to the root cause, rather than sticking a plaster over it.

The first half details the author's lead up to his manic episode which was very insightful and how he went to great lengths to mask his symptoms, followed by his stay in hospital, and finally life after discharge and researching if medication does really work.

Thank you for delving into Open Dialogue as a care treatment plan, I'll be looking for more books about it.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a striking book: the title, the cover, and the intensity of the first part of the book which embeds the reader in Horatio Clare's experience of mania. That was a difficult read, it was overwhelming: "Give us a break" I thought... but that's the point, he didn't get a break, he largely didn't recognise the need for a break and he conveys all this so effectively. To the reader, privy to his thoughts, he is clearly 'mad' but as is clear from the account and his much later discussions with those involved, he was also skilled at withholding all his perceptions from others. But eventually his admission to hospital is legally compelled.

Whereupon it appears medication (or was it something else?) pretty much immediately removes all the delusions (other, arguably, than that he is perfectly fine) During the later section of the book where he rightly questions many of our models and practices, he doesn't seem to reflect at all on this occurrence. Nor on his repeated assertion that he knows the triggers for his illness and 'just' needs to avoid them... but doesn't (and, I suspect, will not, consistently, for reasons it might have been interesting to explore) This is, soberingly, not his first memoir of emotional distress, dysfunction and mental ill health, nor, arguably, even his second.

His story of his incarceration is noteworthy for its banality - this is not a tale of big obvious Ken Kesey horrors, but perhaps small ones - Astroturf, beige foods, not being allowed to keep daffodils (but they can go in the staff room), hourly torchlight disturbance of night time sleep... The status and modus operandi of consultant psychiatrists perhaps another matter - there are some hints of Kafka, of Catch-22 here. He is blessed, as when he was spiralling ever upwards before admission, with friends who keep in touch, who send thoughtful gifts, who make long journeys to visit... not the experience of so many. He is blessed too with the location of the hospital as, once he is able to leave for short periods, he visits the Hepworth Gallery every day (whilst the value of nature in healing is being acknowledged and celebrated, rightly, more widely, there is much less about the value of culture... he comments on the sparse collection of books on the ward, to which him bringing his own most recent volume probably adds 20%. Not everyone will be able to concentrate to read but that in itself might be a metric for progress)

Although it is an account from his perspective, he does show how difficult it is for friends and family... I thought it was telling how his partner Rebecca only learns much later of some of the things he has done (about which he says very little overall). I was particularly interested in the experiences of his stepson, and his stepson's father...contrasting perhaps with the simpler experience of his six year old son. He doesn't quite talk of the 'positives' or things about himself which might be attractive but I wondered about his partner's acquisition of a husky puppy (a puppy! a husky!) whilst he is in hospital and they seem destined to cement their separation, and later their cosy evening routine involving a glass of red wine.... but she is adamant that there is no negotiation on him continuing to take medication.

Many people make time to talk with him when asked afterwards about his experience, their involvement in it, or with our approach more generally to mental illness - from the Chief Superintendent of police in the area and NHS management, to those trialling new strategies or critiquing old ones, to a ward nurse and the social worker who effected his section. It was particularly interesting to hear of his interactions with Andrea Jenkyns MP which provide a distinctly mixed picture of political involvement in the mental health arena.

I was struck, from his account of his time on the ward to the trendy but controversial trauma therapies later by the sheer value of *doing something* with one's hands whilst talking.

[Joe Tristram · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took this up a bit reluctantly as it was prescribed by book club and I thought it might be too grim and all stuff that I know already. I found otherwise. Clare is a very competent writer and makes his own descent into the madness of mania just about right, somewhere between funny and awful, somewhere between in his head at the time and commentary from afterwards. He is apparently a well -known writer of travel books and broadcaster but I hadn't come across him before so had no expectations. The part of his story I know best: detention on a secure psychiatric ward seemed very well described and balanced. The staff are mostly well meaning and at the end of their tethers, the psychiatrists are distant and make unchallengeable decisions. It is an awful system and could be made much better. If Clare is right about the massive over use of "anti-depressant"drugs, then that improvement wouldn't even cost more.

[Jools · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, searingly honest and, while detailing a heart-wrenching episode in his and his family's lives, ultimately hopeful, and a clarion call for change. Throwing ever more medication at problems which clearly stem from grief, lack of connection and fear can, and does, create more problems than it solves. In a year when all of us have had to face the reality of our wellbeing, and have had our own frailties exposed, this book is a timely reminder that we need to look at the root causes of wellbeing issues, not just medicate them and hope for the best.
Read this book - you will not be disappointed.

[Katie Moffat · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book, part memoir (the pace and writing of periods of mania are astoundingly good), part exploration of the problematic nature of the treatment of mental illness. It's an absolute triumph.

[Paul Dickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Superb - such a brave book.

[Caroline Proctor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Light from darkness

An honest, brave, beautiful and important book. Apparently I need to put more words in this review so: Read It!

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heavy Light is Horatio Clare's description of his experience being committed to a hospital after having a mental break. The first half of the book describes how he lost touch with reality believing he was part of a global spy ring hoping to save the world and that he was going to marry Kylie Minogue (apparently that is a common delusion). His delusions had him picking a hole in his ceiling, wandering around naked in Wales, and abandoning his car for fear of being targeted by bad actors. None of this by itself was enough to get him the medical help he needed. It was only when he became a danger to himself or others (namely his partner and children) that he could be involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward in Wakefield.

In the second half of the book, after he recovers, he does a deep dive into mental health in the UK. He talks to psychiatrists, psychologists, the police, and others in a quest to find out how the UK fares in its treatment of people with metal health problems. He reveals how little we know of the brain's workings and how the efficacy of prescription drugs for bipolar disorder or depression can be hit or miss. Shockingly, when he meets with his psychiatrist he is presented with a choice of three drugs and told to pick one. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to which drug was prescribed - Clare was expected to pick based on which side effects he thought he could handle.

It's no wonder that Clare is especially skeptical of prescription drugs as a treatment for people suffering mental health issues. Side effects from these drugs can leave a patient reeling and getting off the drugs can be just as dangerous as the manic episode for which they were prescribed. Clare's distrust of the drugs prescribed is so great that he decides to wean himself off his drugs without telling his partner, who is understandably terrified he'll start having delusions if he stops taking the drugs. Happily, Clare does not relapse, but he attributes this to keeping his stress low, avoiding pot and alcohol, and meeting with a therapist. He points out that many people do not have the resources and support network that he has. They can't spend money on a therapist and so languish on waiting lists. He believes more government resources need to be earmarked for mental health and social support, but sadly, that doesn't look like it will happen. One section I found very interesting involves Yasmin Ishaq from the Kent Open Dialogue Service. She discusses how the language we use to talk about patients is important - for example, referring to them as 'non compliant' or 'not having insight' can be damaging and dehumanising. She uses a therapy based on dialog with the patient and trials seem to indicate it could have positive results and be much cheaper than traditional methods for treating mental health issues.

This book is a fascinating look at mental health from a new perspective. Clare has a clear point of view - he is against prescribing drugs for mental health issues unless they are proven to have positive effects - but he works hard to show how tormenting it can be for loved ones (like his partner) when a patient refuses treatment.

[Pat Morris-jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

What to say? The description of this mans “ journey into madness” is so real it’s amazing. Written so well.
The second half divides me. He starts off well with valid reasons why he doesn’t want to take medication. In fact I think most people who work in mental health agree. Sadly he then goes on a bit about it. Too much for my way of thinking. He is correct. Not enough staff, too many medications. However I think he looks with rose coloured spectacles at some things. I worked in mental health hospitals when plenty of beds and plenty of staff. It’s swung the other way now. However they were awful places. Not always but generally so. I’m sure some people alive remember what it was like without medication and how they couldn’t live at home. Only in institutions all their lives. No life either. I, along with many people who work in mental health, believe medication is over prescribed including psychiatrists. He met a not very enlightened one. Sadly. Then based his thoughts on this one person. Yes, on outside the system is flawed. However it is a relatively young thing, mental health. We were all trained that stress/ childhood trauma/ environment can cause mental health issues. We all believe it. He is lucky that he had choices. Many people have to make the best of their limited life and so choose to live half a life rather than none.
Anyway a thought provoking book. Worth 4 and a half. Only not 5 as, in the end ( although he does acknowledge this) it’s easier to stop medication, no matter how hard, if you live a middle class life with enough money to make choices in a beautiful area doing a difficult, but satisfying, job. If you are less fortunate then access to what he suggests is almost impossible. Sad.

[Luke · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this as an audiobook read by Horatio Clare himself, which I think added to the experience since it was able to capture his emotions on the topic far better than if I had simply read the words.

I found the first part a bit difficult to get through. I don't think I quite got the purpose of the book at that time, or why he was telling us about his mania in so much depth. Having finished the book, I now completely understand and can appreciate why he wrote it in the way he did. It wasn't an easy read though, and, for me, personally, it dragged on occasion.

The second half is incredibly engaging. Clare describes everything in a way that makes it easy to relate to, or to sympathise with, or at least to understand, from both his perspective and those around him. Parts of his experience, I could definitely feel myself relating to. In particular, the moment when he is in the gallery, when he feels like everyone around him knows he is from the psychiatric hospital, that everyone is hyperaware of him. Same feelings, different reasons for them. And when he goes on to talk about how he will not let the breakdown define him, that resonated deeply with me. I will define myself, not let those things that others see as 'abnormal' define me. Erasing the line between normal and abnormal, and the sentiment of healing, not curing, is something I think needs to be better taken onboard.

My thanks to Horatio for sharing his experiences and for sharing his research into the mental health crisis and how it is currently perceived and treated. I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[David Cutler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought that most of this book was astounding. I have never read a more enthralling and completely terrifying account of psychotic delusions. What is almost harder to bear, clearly for him, is the impact on his wife and family. His account of his treatment by psychiatrists is highly critical, while much more praise is given to others in mental health services and especially the police. He is also interesting how his class and education help him elude services which probably wouldn’t happen for others.

Two thirds of the way though he finds a psychiatrist who gives house room to Clare’s ideas on treatment and says ‘At last I was being listened to’. I understand the frustration but the others listened too, they just didn’t agree. The last third is least good, with some journalism on austerity which I agree with but is quite light weight and Open Dialogue, which seems to be the solution, but is barely mentioned. Mental illness is deeply complex and contested and it is too much to ask that he can provide the answers.

However, while it sticks to memoir this is a wonderfully written and deeply moving account.

[Graham · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting slice of memoir from this travel writer, better known for reviews and globetrotting. This one charts his spiralling into mental ill health, followed by a residency in a mental hospital. Typically for publishing, the author's privilege shines through - I think somebody worse off would have likely ended up dead in similar circumstances - but his style is light and chatty. I can't remember reading a memoir before about somebody going mad, so that felt fresh and novel, and the section in the mental hospital is equally readable. However, the last 100 pages or so goes off on a polemic against over-prescription, which is all very well, except the author's viewpoint is based very much on his own experience; just because the tablets didn't work for him doesn't mean that they don't work for other people. I have two family members whose mental health problems would have been unsustainable without tablet-taking. He does make some fair points, but his last 100 pages isn't really a memoir.

[Katy Wheatley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had already read Horatio Clare's book, The Light in the Dark which was about him coming to terms with a diagnosis of a kind of extreme, SAD condition known as cyclothymia and how he attempts to weather a winter in the Yorkshire Dales. He is an extraordinary writer and his nature writing, which infuses much of his travel writing and his writing about mental health is beautiful and luminous. In this book, he continues where The Light in the Dark left off, and shares his experience of a full mania which involved hallucinations, harming himself and finally being sectioned.

The book is in three parts, the first details his last months of extreme mental ill health and the effect it had on everyone around him. The second is about his time in hospital and his diagnosis and the third is about his experiences when he was discharged and the challenges he made to his diagnosis.

This is well researched, beautifully written and deeply affecting.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clare's clear-eyed and unsparing account of a breakdown, a psychotic episode caused by drink and drug overuse that led to him being sectioned for some weeks and threw his personal and family life into chaos. The second half retraces the steps of the first, investigating how mental health support systems work - or, just as often, fail to. It's an extraordinarily courageous piece of work, the author brave enough to expose his poor choices and bad behaviour; happily, by the end, he's able to address and amend these and rebuild his family and professional life: 'a sadder and a wiser man', perhaps, and one full of gratitude for the love and support of close family, friends, and those who were called upon to care for him.

It helps, too, that he's a marvellous writer, with a rare ability to evoke and describe the world, especially the natural world, around him.

[GingerOrange · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really honest story.

This book starts of my the first few chapters describing the inside of Horatio’s head when he’s in the throes of madness. It that way, it was very chaotic and surprising. The next part described his time on the ward and the last bit was a mixture of his personal recovery and treatment plan as well as a dive into the current systems and thinking in mental health care today. So this book was both personal and factually informative. It certainly gave me new ideas and perspectives on mental well-being. And the author’s stake in his own care gave this book a personal touch.

The writing was good but at times, could be a little disjointed and harder to follow. Especially the first few chapters but that was the madness talking so I don’t think I should have expected different necessarily.

Overall, a good book and worth reading.

[Alice Capulet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. A compassionate and thought provoking exploration of “madness”. Stories such as this are not told often enough and it was beautifully told.

Horatio Clare is clearly exceptionally lucky to have the support system he does — but he acknowledges this. Sadly it does not represent many of the people I see in my work as a Clinical Psychologist, but his story speaks to the potential healing powers of community, kindness, nature and careful listening. Sometimes working in the system is easy to paralysed with anger at it all, or fall into apathy. Stories like this motivate me to fight for a better world, and remind me that compassion — rather than fear — should always come first.

[Luisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brilliant first person account of the experience of mania with psychosis - if you want to know how it feels then this is the book to read. I noticed some criticism about the author's privilege but it can also be said that by having access to money, transport and connections further afield than home when in this mental state it can be possible to put onself in situations of greater risk to personal safety.

I would have liked to see a little more of the personal in the aftermath of the episode, perhaps in touching base with other patients from the ward, but the exploration of the systems around mental illness was very well-considered.

[Krista · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first part of fhe book is interesting and impressive, reads in one breath. But as it gets closer to the end - the part where the author has left the asylum is too boring. There are too many dry facts and statistics that I had an impression that I am reading psychiatric news rather than an autobiography. The way how the author tries to convince everybody that the medicines do not work reminds of a priest's way to convince an atheist that God exists. In my opinion, it is not necessary and just makes the last part of the book boring and populistic.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Horatio Clare's harrowing account of his descent into psychosis gives the reader a rare insight into the world as seen through the eyes of a delusional person suffering from mental health issues. His subsequent examination of the current state of psychiatry in the UK and its reliance on drug-based treatments gives pause for thought. He, along with some psychiatrists, suggest there is evidence to suggest that a different approach to healing may be key to helping the increasing number of people suffering from mental health issues.

[Rowena Macdonald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very compelling, particularly the first part in which Clare details his mania and psychotic breakdown. Reads almost like a spy novel. The second part concerns his thoughts on pychiatry, psychotherapy and the overprescribing of anti psychotic drugs by psychiatrists. An important book. Clare decides not to take his medication after a while and manages his mental health thru regular sleep, exercise and avoidance of cannabis and spirits. Very well written and surprisingly not depressing. Funny in parts.