How To Tell Depression to Piss Off: 40 Ways to Get Your Life Back

by James Withey

Depression sucks, but you don't.

Trying to manage the range of symptoms that depression throws at you is like navigating the dark ocean floor when you are without a torch and don't know how to swim. How do you manage something that feels utterly unmanageable? How do you get through each day when depression is telling you you're a worthless lump of camel spleen? What you need is a guide. A really good one. You need to know what works and what to do.

This book gives you 40 ways to get to a better place with depression. They are born out of the author's personal experience of clinical depression and his many years of working as a counsellor helping people with their mental health. James lives with depression and knows its lies, the traps it makes and how to dodge when it starts spitting bile in your face. Nice, eh?

The ways

- Kick your cuckoo. We don't usually encourage violence towards birds, but no cuckoos are actually harmed so don't call the RSPCA just yet. In this chapter you're encouraged to imagine your depression as an external 'thing' (no humans or animals, of course!) and that you can 'kick out', which is great fun.

- Whose voice is it anyway? Spoiler alert! That nasty voice you're hearing isn't you; it's depression. The illness. When you start to recognise its voice you can start swearing back and who doesn't love a bit of swearing?

- Don't listen to the lies. We all tell little lies sometimes, right? But depression is the biggest liar in the whole universe. It makes Pinocchio look like Mother Theresa. Be the lie detector to depression's fibs; call it out on its fraudulent nonsense.

- Do the opposite. Depression will try to convince you to stay in bed, don't go out, don't wash, don't eat, don't phone anyone. Be Contrary Mary and do the exact opposite of what depression tells you because it never has your interests at heart. Plus, doing the opposite feels like you're a rebel, and rebels are cool (see Star Wars).

At whatever point you're at with your depression, this book can help and provide some laughs along the way - hooray! - because you really need it with this bloody illness.

Genres: Self Help, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Psychology, Audiobook

176 pages, Paperback

Published November 23, 2021

About the author

James Withey is author of the best selling 'How to Tell Depression to Piss Off: 40 Ways to Get Your Life Back' which was published by Little Brown in May 2020.

The follow up book, 'How to Tell Anxiety to Sod Off', was published by Little, Brown in January 2022.

'How to Get to Grips with Grief' was published in July 2022.

His sixth book 'How to Smash Stress' will be published in March 2023.

He is the founder of The Recovery Letters project which publishes letters from people recovering from depression, addressed to people experiencing it. www.therecoveryletters.com

The Recovery Letters book is published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers and was released in July 2017.

Cosmopolitan named it as 'One of the 12 mental health books everyone should read'.

The sequel to The Recovery Letters book, 'What I Do to Get Through' was published Jessica Kingsley in Feb 2021.

James lives in Hove in East Sussex in the UK with his husband and emotionally damaged cat.

He writes and speaks about depression, anxiety, grief, PTSD and mental health.

Reviews

[Kirsty Carson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing!!! What a read!!!

I loved, loved… LOVED every single page of this book! Filled with great advice, humour and compassion this is a must read for anyone who suffers from depression or knows anyone who does. Written with honesty, empathy and support this book genuinely made me laugh out loud and also brought a tear to my eye! Thank you James for this and I will definitely be telling my depression to ‘piss off’ much more often!

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m not usually a fan of self help books, but this was enjoyable and such an easy read. I like that I can now flick back to a chapter whenever I need it, as well as reading linear.

[Ashley Peterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

How to Tell Depression to Piss Off: 40 Ways to Get Your Life is written by James Withey, who has experienced depression personally and as a mental health professional, and is the creator of The Recovery Letters project. He draws on both perspectives in laying out 40 different strategies that can be helpful in overcoming depression.

The author brings a light-hearted, humorous tone to the subject. There’s plenty of British slang, which I loved. There’s something about “Depression is a git. Truly it is.” that just doesn’t sound quite as satisfying in North American slang.

The casual, non-clinical language makes this book very accessible for people who aren’t interested in psychobabble or therapist-speak. It’s not explicitly geared towards men, but I think it would go over well with male readers.

The book is broken into short chapters that don’t need to be read sequentially, which helps to make it depression-friendly. There are some fun illustrations scattered throughout.

The author emphasizes the importance of getting help to get through depression. The message that depression lies to you is a theme that comes up repeatedly throughout the book. The reader is reassured you’re not the only one dealing with this illness; “there are many other crazies out there.”

One of the strategies suggested in the book is imagining your depression as something external (e.g. a cuckoo bird), and then giving it a beating. “Take that you buggering stupid bird. You think you’re going to get in my head today? Well, you’re not.”

Another favourite of mine was the suggestion that you get angry at your depression “You are a selfish, deplorable, attention-seeking, lying piece of smelly vomit.”

The author addresses the issue of pill-shaming, and emphasizes the importance of good communication with your doctor so you’re well-informed. There’s quite a funny script of talking to his rather slow on the uptake doctor using a metaphor for sexual side effects of antidepressants. He also admits he got hooked on sleeping pills and the “withdrawals were like fighting a 75-foot dragon with a withering fairy duster.”

The book offers a good mix of suggestions, and the author effectively uses humour to convey the message. Overall it’s a great read.



I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review.

This review originally appeared on https://mentalhealthathome.org/2020/0...

[Philip · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've never been a fan of books which are "xx ways to...." as I find that discrete and important topics often blur into one big indistinct ball. The book does offer some very valid and practical suggestions; and I loved the humour throughout. However for the most part the chapters are just a little bit too sleight. For people who've read around the subject, nothing in this book is new. The author has credence, having suffered and still suffering to this day. If the book were fleshed out or expanded then I think it would be a definitive work on mental health. At present, it may get people thinking about strategies. I'd rephrase the subtitle of the book, "40 ways to start thinking about your journey to recovery".

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of short chapters that don't take long to read, this is a great wee book.
Wouldn't recommend to someone deep in the depths of a major depressive episode as I could totally see myself getting angry at the suggestions "Because that doesn't WORK, damn you!" in that situation.
But reading it now, when I'm on an even keel? A great reminder that when things inevitably go pear shaped again, there are things I can do to help myself fight back. Some fantastic ideas of things I hadn't done in the past but could try in the future.

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended even if you don't have depression. Everyone has had negative thoughts. This book offers many helpful tips in fighting depression or simply the state of being unhappy. (I think) I don't have depression but this book is equally empowering and beneficial.

[Emma Bradford · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVE!!! so easy to read and loved every minute of it.

[Erin (readbye) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relatable, accessible, life-affirming and very funny.

[Julia Kołaczkiewicz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dużo żartów z serii nieśmiesznych, dużo wymuszonych brzydkich słów i przekleństw. Ale na swój sposób trochę mi pomogła, co mnie pozytywnie zaskoczyło.

[Rim Ibrahim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I give this book 3 stars and a half.
Easy to read and engaging. I read it to better understand depression and be more helpful to my loved ones suffering from it.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

The advice in this book is based on the author's own experience of depression, so it's actually helpful. (With no twee catchphrases in sight!) Not everything will work for every person, of course, but Withey knows that you can't just take up yoga or buy a colouring book and magically cure yourself. However, there are still small things you can do to take back a bit of control, even on difficult days.

The book contains a lot of dark humour that people who experience depression often develop, but it's actually really reassuring. Sometimes you don't want to read something by someone overly chirpy and upbeat, you want an author who is real and who levels with you. Withey also talks about how his depression isn't something that will ever go away, but is just something he has to live with. It's rare to hear about depression from this perspective, but again, it's reassuring. For someone with chronic depression, it's much better- a relief even- to learn to adjust and how to live with it rather than feel like a failure because you can't make a full recovery.

I read the book from cover to cover in one sitting, but it would also be great to dip into from time to time. The chapters are only a couple of pages long which is handy for anyone struggling with finding the motivation or concentration necessary to read. I would 100% recommend this book to anyone experiencing depression, or anyone who supports someone living with depression.

[Amy Stiles · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book written by someone who's been through it. Offering real life advice, not just for those who suffer, but also for those who wants to help the suffering. The hilarious yet sometimes brutal approach to Withey's writing makes reading his words feel like he's talking directly to you. Somewhat like a friend you've met for a pint (at least that's how I feel!).

The structure of the book itself lends it to an easy read. The 40 'steps' are presented as chapters, and none are more than a few pages long, making it an excellent book to pick up on work breaks and down time. The medical terminology is also explained in such a way that everyone can understand, without talking down to the reader, which can sometimes be a difficult task given the subject matter.

I genuinely believe if everyone took one piece of advice from this book, the world would be a better place. He offers just as much advice on how to treat those around you, as well as treating your own symptoms. I finished this book feeling more understood, more confident, and better prepared than ever before.

[Lauren Grove · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I love about this book is that in an age of productivity-focused self-help books, it does not try to cure your depression with major life changes or strange new rituals. It simply validates the experiences of what so many people struggle with daily and acknowledges that there is no 'quick and easy fix' to mental illness. There's no overcomplicated medical jargon or overwhelming ultimatums and it reads as if you are simply speaking to a friend about your illness. I love how each of the 40 ways are all un-linking which means the reader can go to each chapter as it is needed or relevant to them.

[Stephen Hoffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellently written book that I found most helpful, an easy, engaging, personable and humorous approach, which as someone who has suffered from clinical depression for years I appreciated.

This is a book I was able to dip in and out of when I was in the right place mentally to read it and take from it stuff which seemed most suitable to me. Its a book I can see myself referring back to a lot.

I would definitely recommend this book by James Withey and look forward to reading other books he has authored.

[Alex Ball · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required listening for anybody suffering from depression. Despite the jovial title (and writing style employed), this book is important. Its not just a psychiatrist telling you what their textbook says but in a way a layman could understand, its somebody who has been through it and understands what the condition is. If you know anybody suffering with depression, give them this book. It could, literally, save their life.

[Madeleine Black · Rating 5 out of 5]

Is it weird to say that I loved a book about depression?!
This is such a a light and funny book about depression brimming with useful tips of how the author helps himself and things we could all try too.

Essentially it's about acceptance of the condition, practising good self care and grounding yourself whenever possible. And defintely not listening to the negative self chatter

"Depression is as reliable as a scaffolding made of jelly"

[Katie Sapphire-Star · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a LOT of self-help books and this is definitely one of the best! Written in a way that's sometimes humouress but always very down to earth, it's very easy to read, even if your brain is trying to zap your concentration.
Full of very practical tips, many of which I know work as I already do them (I read this book to refresh my knowledge and prevent the current lurking depression from taking over), this book is realistic when discussing depression and what helps/doesn't help.

[vicki smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sadly I thought this book was irritating and stuffed full of nonsense and fluffy, unnecessary chat that was irrelevant and just there to try and take the edge off.

It’s such a short book that when you strip away this padding, there’s barely anything left but the 40 points of how to help yourself, which could just be popped into bullet points.

This would make a better article than a book, but perhaps good for those who want to read something unchallenging about depression.

[JoshiByJoshi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Been dipping in and out of this book over a long period of time- through some light and not so light times.
It has really made me look at this despicable illness from a different perspective, and combined with a humorous yet encouraging way of writing, reading it has been an absolute joy. Bless this book and bless James for being awesome!

[paige gurney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book

This book has helped me so much. Its helped me understand depression and
mental illness as a whole. And it's not one of them 'poncey'self help books that tells you to book a flight to Maui, do yoga on the beach and drink non alcoholic maui tais. It has the truth, it has funny parts and it's brilliant.

[Ben Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adored this book. Been eking it out every day since I bought it and it was pitched perfectly for me between really interesting insights and daft jokes. I suspect I'll have read it a few more times by the end of the year. Every day is different and this makes me feel that little less alone.

[✵ Kas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt like James was speaking to me like an old friend, sharing our tales over a cuppa. This book was funny, hopeful and helpful and just what I needed. A good dose of very British dry humour always gives me a smile.

[Pam Cummins · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really great little book in easy to read sections. Why there are 500 page dense books about depression I don’t know as who wants to read that when you’re depressed, when it’s hard work to get out of bed? It’s also funny and warm and helpful. Thank you James.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is 1 book I won't be deleting off my kindle even though I've read it. I'm not normally a re-reader but this book hit home and literally could have been written by me.
The majority of the steps are so simple but not something you tend to think about when all you want do is jump off a bridge.

[Lois Timms · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Take Pride in Staying Alive. You’re managing to stay alive when the illness is routinely trying to take you down.’
I am in awe of this book!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and humour James 👏 absolutely incredible, I read this in less than 12 hours! Devoured every single page 🙏

[Rachel Elliott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend.
Helpful if you have depression.
Helpful and insightful if you have a loved one with depression.
Good amount of humour too :)

[Andrea Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really uplifting, relatable and easy to read. Short and manageable chapters which is perfect.

[Queen Candy Toppenmarble · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing book, with some great advice. But also made me laugh.

[Chloe Dean · Rating 4 out of 5]

After redeaing this book I feel a lot less alone and I didn't even realise how alone I had felt

[Sascha Kuis · Rating 5 out of 5]

scarily accurate, it’s nice to know you’re not alone