A Different Kind of Perfect: Writings by Parents on Raising a Child with Special Needs

by Cindy Dowling (editor), Neil Nicoll (Introduction), Bernadette Thomas (Editor)

Every parent dreams of having a happy, healthy child. What happens when these dreams are shattered by a physical or cognitive disability? A Different Kind of Perfect offers comfort, consolation, and wisdom from parents who have been there—and are finding their way through.

The writings collected here are grouped into chapters reflecting the progressive stages of many parents' emotional journeys, starting with grief, denial, and anger and moving towards acceptance, empowerment, laughter, and even joy. Each chapter opens with an introduction by Neil Nicoll, a child and family psychologist who specializes in development disorders.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

262 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is honest, deep and well-organized. It's been very helpful in my journey.

[Mia]

"I am here to listen to her in her world in her way."

"However, despite the incredible joy he brings us, the last thought that still haunts us before we close our eyes at night is "what will become of Suj once we're gone?" We have no idea how to get rid of that nightmare."

"It all boils down to the death of a dream. The dream of that perfect child you were expecting. I may never fully recover from that "death,"."

"Rage. That is what I felt when my daughter was born with half her head deformed, including the entire right hemisphere of her brain. Seething rage."

"The relentless teasing at school continued, however, and he became so unhappy that he confessed to wanting to die. A counselor advised me that an eight year old was unlikely to act on suicidal thoughts- a fact that barely consoled me."

"How does he know, I wonder, that I'm not intentionally putting him through all this? How is it that someone so small can know that I, the mom and caretaker, hurt as much from his pain as he does?"

"And in my head...I recall the words of Pablo Picasso: "Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one's bath like a lump of sugar"."

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heart-wrenching collection of essays from parents of special needs children. I felt so validated in reading this book, because I too am only human. I get frustrated, sad, mad, and break down and cry sometimes and so do other parents. It is hard having a special needs child, but I love my girl and she is worth every struggle.

[Amber Kuehler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a collection of stories from parents of disabled children, with stories from each state of grief. This book made me laugh and cry, but was tough to get through. Overall it's a great collection of true short stories that I would recommend to anyone that is touched by disability in their lives

[Kay Mcaloney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so helpful for parents of children with a disability, knowing that you are not alone. It was helpful to have an introduction for each section before the stories from the parents. I have many pages highlighted and flagged for future reference!

[Jenni · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow! All of the emotions and feelings that were discussed I have had! Glad to know it is normal even when life isn't.

[Alicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated the raw, honest words of so many others. In a journey that my family has only just begun, it was a comfort to know that we are not alone.

[Rrita Limaj · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was good! A good collection of parents’ stories and important for this to be out there. I still think it’s nowhere near as powerful as Andrew Solomon’s Far from the Tree. Storytelling there hit me right in my heartstrings. I was waiting for that here but kept missing it.

[Taylor🦋🪐 Alderman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book for a class I was taking this past school year. If you are planning to become or are an early childhood teacher honestly any type of school staff member I feel like this is a good book to pick up. It opened my eyes to many things both in myself and other teachers I’m around daily.

[Amanda LOOPER · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. This book put my life into perspective. I realize that other parents of special needs kids struggle in the same ways that I do. The parents were honest and vulnerable in their writing and it was so incredibly helpful to feel seen and heard.

[Geeta]

Fantastic book. Every emotion, from overwhelming despair to wry humor is contained within these stories.

[Bob · Rating 4 out of 5]

beautiful and comforting....

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so emotionally supportive for a parent just finding out about the world of special needs through their child's diagnosis. Great read.

[Vangie Rodenbeck · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that deals with the stages of grief as felt by parents of disabled children. Vignettes by parents are poignant and sometimes painful. An honest book...