Some Men Are More Perfect Than Others

by shain-merle

Libro usado en buenas condiciones, por su antiguedad podria contener señales normales de uso

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology

Paperback

First published January 1, 1973

Reviews

[M · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is pure personal philosophy and cultural comment. I have read this book three times so far, and I fully expect to read it again. Every time I pick it up, I am at a different stage of my life, and therein lays the value in re-reading this book; the authors philosophical ruminations have new meaning depending on where you are in your life - and with whom.

[Judy Monchuk · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this in a second-hand book store about 15 years ago, intrigued by the title and its implied romance. It's kind of a self-help book for how one wants to be loved and what that can cost.
I generally hate self-help books. But this is quite lovely. And often poetic.

Written in 1973, a pivotal time of change for women, Some Men Are More Perfect than Others is clearly dated in parts. (I'd suggest that many men and women portrayed here are of their decades, but self-doubt is timeless.) Falling in love is far different than loving or being in love. Romantic love is different still. And the often wry observations were bang on: "Loving often has more to do with the lover than the beloved."
It's a beautiful and insightful little tome. I'm sure I would find more wisdom in it if I read it again. Maybe in another 15 years.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This entire book is like poetry. So beautiful I could cry

[Marcus · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Write the truest sentence you can." - Often repeated writing advice... and this book seems to be just that. Shain writes simply and with great vulnerability. While the book is loosely structured, she has managed to get some observations and insights on paper that I have not seen anywhere else. Definitely a book worthy of any adult man's time.

[Marianne Caron · Rating 5 out of 5]

I generally hate self help books but this is quite lovely and often poetic.

[Racheal · Rating 4 out of 5]

i loved this book and i love love :)

2024 reread: some parts are so fabulous, but it’s just much less groundbreaking to me as a 25 year old in 2024 than it was last time

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's kind of amazing to read something written in the 70s that seems so relevant today. We are living in the future she was hoping for (though we've still got some improving to do). This feels somewhat self-help style but in a very casual and easy to read way. Can't wait to dive into more of her writing.

[Myra Breckinridge · Rating 4 out of 5]

The thoughtfulness and poetry of Shain’s pen make this much more than an aged self-help relic of the seventies. It is insight in fragments, like a smart friend having coffee with you, offering insightful metaphors and anecdotes, and revealing the universal aspects of what seems (to you) like unique drama. Completely free of the ego and capitalism that made “self-help” an annoyingly ironic genre.

[Kendall McClain · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very poetic and I loved most of the authors thoughts on love/marriage/patriarchy although it was written a while ago so it’s very heteronormative and the gender roles described in marriage were a bit outdated but I loved it most of the time

[Farrah · Rating 2 out of 5]

If I'd have read this 100 years ago, the world would be my playground of empowerment. Alas, I read it in 2017, under a Nazi rapist president and the ghost of the women's liberation movement haunting us all above protest signs.

So, yes it's dated. But it's relevant in some very fundamental ways--like don't sellout, state your needs ["I've learned not to ask for everything, just to make sure that I get what I must have"] and have them met or else leave, and the second marriage is always better. Here are some takeaways I believe are worth noting:

"men fear loving because they fear dependency"

"more precious to me than your love for me is my love for you because that's mine"

"one is never so alive than when one is in love" [also, a good example of Shain's incessant use of the awkward third person pronoun "one". I'd have preferred the second person "you" but that is more of a modern self-help narrative voice]

"once we couldn't speak of sex and now we can't speak of love"

"proximity does terrible things to godlike qualities" [on the boredom of relationships]

"loving someone means helping them to be more themselves"

"it's very important to decode your own messages, like saying "I am angry" instead of kicking the cat" [talk/share feelings with the sole intent to communicate not to change feelings or actions]

"I have been furious with men who demanded me to be faithful and I have been even more furious with those who did not"

ADD THIS TO MY ESSAY ABOUT LOVE
"the dream of romantic love is taken more seriously in North America than it is anywhere else in the world, which is why we believe in fidelity and why we believe in infidelity as well. It is also, of course, what makes our divorce rate as high as it is. Falling in love at first sight and instant gratification are part of the world in which we live, so there are people who believe adamantly in fidelity. They just don't believe in it for long."

[Ypatios Varelas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ένα βιβλίο γραμμένο το 1973 και αναθεωρημένο το 1980, πριν υπάρξει καν το διαδίκτυο και πολλά από αυτά που ζούμε σήμερα, τελικά είναι τόσο επίκαιρο και εύστοχο που σε τρομάζει! Έρωτας, γάμος, συμπεριφορές αντρών και γυναικών εντός και εκτός γάμου, πίστη και απιστία, ανάγκες που ικανοποιούνται συνειδητά και συνείδητα, με εντυπωσιάζει το πόσο πολλά χώρεσαν σε ένα τόσο σύντομο βιβλίο. Για κάποιους μπορεί να είναι αποκαλυπτικό έως συντριπτικό, για άλλους (πιο έμπειρους και ώριμους) ισχυρά επιβεβαιωτικό των όσων έχουν οι ίδιοι διαπιστώσει και συνειδητοποιήσει. Ο τίτλος είναι και λίγο παραπλανητικός, αλλά το περιεχόμενο είναι εξαιρετικό. Σε κάποια σημεία η γραφή είναι καταιγιστική. Εξαιρετικό! Αν το βρείτε αρπάξτε το...

[Kath · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this many many years ago... a book I needed at the time to help me make sense of relationships.
There is something about the way this author writes - not like a psychologist, no mumbo jumbo cliche-ish talk... more like listening to an old wise and experienced women who gives great examples to drive the point home... but in a soft way.
Her books impacted me deeply.

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short poetic self-help book about men, women, love, expectations and identity above all. Written in 1970s but remains surprisingly relevant today and a delightful read I'll be sure to come back to.

[Veronica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pro: a quick read and a few screenshot-worthy sections. Insightful!

Con: dated and heteronormative/sexist (e.g., men not monogamous).

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick, insightful, and entertaining read. My sister couldn't put it down either. The last paragraph is quite funny but shan't spoil.

[Heaven Protsman · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a nice, quick read about relationships and the struggles experienced within them. It's an older book, so obviously some statements or opinions just did not age well, but there were plenty of excellent points made. I highlighted a ton in this book. I just recently was broken up with, so reading about strong women finding themselves on their own was really empowering.

[Charlene Intriago · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another book I found on the shelf today and read a long a time ago.