Read Me: A Parental Primer for "The Talk"

by Lanae St.John

But…important. Especially if you want your kids to grow up confident and have healthy relationships (it will save you thousands on future therapy!).
Sexologist and mom, Dr. Lanae St.John, aka, The MamaSutra, believes it’s time to shake up the status quo and normalize sex and sexuality. Dr. St.John uses “The Five Building Blocks to a Healthy Sexuality” to ensure children and adults of all ages have the best resources, support, and skills to make good decisions and grow into a happy and fulfilling sex life.
You’ll be given tools Children at any age want information when it comes to their emerging sexuality, physical, and emotional health. Dr. St.John hands you a mindful approach to integrate discussions of sexuality, relationships, decision making, and other relevant topics into everyday conversations. No matter where you are in your parenting journey… it starts with sex-positive parenting.

Genres: Nonfiction

222 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2020

Reviews

[Laura U · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm really surprised at how good this book was. It helps with how you act around children, but also how you view this subject and your own personal life. The author teaches sex education for a living, so I don't think there's anyone better to consult. She also uses personal stories, telling about her own two daughters, which I found reassuring.
What I enjoyed the most was the actuality of the book. The author uses examples from song lyrics, movies, and TV series that have some message into them. Some are good messages, some are bad, but it matters what your children will understand from them. And here you must come to explain so that the children don't make the wrong image.
I thought the author was too bold at first, but then I got used to her style and understood the importance of her work. She developed a teaching method based on The Five Building Blocks, which are Communication, Consent, Respect, Pleasure, and Fantasy. She then goes into detail about each one of these. And I assure you there are a lot of things to talk about and it won't be boring at all. Also, all of these have the same importance, which is not something I saw very often.
I also like that this book covers any question a parent might have, like What if my child tells other kids what I tell him? No question is left unanswered, and even if you have more questions, the author leaves her blog page, as well as many other resources where you can find anything.
Now I feel the need to become personal. Doesn't matter I don't have children, this book teaches so much more than how to explain to them what sex is. First of all, if I will have children, I will know where to find advice(in case I don't remember) or if I don't have my own children, I learned how to act around them and I understand them better now. I can safely say that it opened my eyes. The world doesn't have to be like this, but because it is, we must at least change the way we think ourselves. Children will become adults, and if they don't receive proper sex education, they will have many problems that will be hard to fix. Let's think about ourselves. I didn't receive a good education, I had to find out my own way. My parents didn't know what to tell me, sometimes they would invent things, sometimes they told bits of truths. The result was a lot of confusion, so I had to find out myself, on the internet. And guess what, that's not the best way. "Some things you can't UNSEE". I'm sure a lot of people have the same story, which is why this book is needed.
I was reluctant at first, I thought this will be some quick read, maybe even have images. I was disappointed when I saw I had to engage in it. I didn't think it will be interesting, but man, I was wrong. I also don't read non-fiction, but now I realized the perks of reading it. First of all, it is much quicker than a fiction book and it doesn't tire me as much. I'm really happy and proud of myself for reading this book.

[Lui Ramirez · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an adult who wants to have children, I am so so glad this book exists. I am a sexuality educator myself and the author makes connections that I never had, makes a compelling case for the kind of honesty I want to have with my future children, which is very validating.
As a daughter, I wish my parents had this book when I was growing up. They, like many parents, never had good models for what honest, open conversations about sexuality with their children could look like. They did their best, but their best was far from what it could have been had they had better tools. This book is a tool that was desperately needed and sorely lacking in most Parent literature I have come across.

One of my favorite things about this book is how much it is NOT lecturing you. It is a very accessible, genuine compilation of expertise and lived experiences shared in a non-threatening, sensible manner. It is not a how to guide, though it gives many tips that you can adopt and adapt if you choose to. More than anything, it is a conversation starter.

I definitely plan to share it with my partner, and with my children when the time comes.

[Lanae St.John · Rating 5 out of 5]

I mean, naturally, I'm going to rate my own book 5 stars. (Thank you, GoodReads!)

I wrote this book for parents who know they need to talk to their kids about the tough stuff, but they really don't know where to start. I also wrote this for those who think they can hand this job over to other folks because they really don't want to do this - you'll learn that it's not really as uncomfortable as you may think.

You can read how I break down some of the myths and misinformation many of us were raised to believe were true. This book begins a process of unlearning our sexual miseducation. I also sprinkle in a lot of personal stories of how I handled things with *my* kids - the positive and the negative.

Even if you don't have kids, you're bound to get something valuable from this book.

I hope you enjoy this work. 🙏 Thank you for reading.
Lanae

[JoEllen Notte · Rating 5 out of 5]

For so many of us, talking about sex is HARD. It can be even harder when we are navigating talking about it with children. Many of us bring to the table unhealthy ideas about sex that we learned from our parents, our peers, and society at large. Enter "Read Me". This book is the antidote to all that discomfort and all those unhealthy (and often damaging) ideas about sex. Lanae St. John is an excellent educator and her voice shines through in this invaluable read. If you are a parent, get this book! If you are not a parent, get this book! Seriously, it's a valuable addition to all of our libraries.

[Beverly Diehl · Rating 4 out of 5]

This work is part advice to parents on preparing to give children a sex education, and part memoir on how the author did so with her own children.

Disclaimer: I'm acquainted with the author on social media.

The author uses as her template five building blocks to having a healthy sexuality, most of which I agree with., or at least, don't DISagree with. Where I felt the books excelled was in the personal examples of discussions. What I felt was missing was a little more on child development - "an average seven year old is likely to be wondering ABC about sex, while an average ten year old may have DEF questions." She did a good job re: talking about letting the children's questions guide you, AND talking about initiating conversations based on things the family may be seeing on TV.

She is absolutely right to NOT let the idea that there is ONE talk on sex, to be had at some time in the distant future, consume your thinking as a parent. And I loved the section on consent.

[Aria Summers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for parents and kids alike and especially for those parents who need a starting point and may feel awkward discussing sex and all that it encompasses with their kids.

I have a great appreciation for her direct and humorous approach, which humanizes the experience and reminds us not to take ourselves so seriously. Her Five Building Blocks to a healthy sexuality take the shame, scariness, and secrecy out of talking about sex. Her approach also takes the stigmas and misconceptions youth and adults a like may have about sex and replace it with healthy views that they can take with them into as part of their sexual evolution without shame and with self empowerment for building healthy sexual relationships.

I'd like to thank the publisher and Netgalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Nathalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is an wonderful book for all parents who are facing or going to face "the talk" because parents should be prepared to answer kids' questions at any time. You should not postpone the answers, not rely on teachers or your child's friends, and never hope that questions and interest in answers as well as curiosity will just disappear. Your as a parent form how the child see sexuality and how he / she feels about himself /herself. The author accents the importance of the honest age appropriate answers, explains what to expect from the talk and also gives many examples. The book reflects the ideas of positive parenting.
Thanks to the publisher, author and Netgalley for the kindly provided ARC, all opinions are mine.

[Naz Mo · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a psychology I highly recommend this book to every parent who would like to learn how to talk to his or her child about sex. Dr. St John’s book is full of practical and educational tips on how to identify your own communication barriers and work through them.

[Noorilhuda · Rating 2 out of 5]

An okay read. Nothing new. Dr. John does push the boundaries of what is considered to be socially acceptable or the cultural norm for adults / parents / guardians. The book could be part of curriculum in schools/ colleges.

Thanks to the publisher for the ARC.