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344 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1995
"All through my girlhood, I was consumed by thoughts of the homeland I'd left. I longed for it with an intensity that words like "yearning" or "nostalgia" could not convey. I felt I was some place I didn't belong, where I should not be. Japan steadily grew to near-mythic dimensions in my mind, transfigured into a place where life transcended the smallness of the everyday."
In time, life in America grew less strange, and little by little my fog lifted. The novelty of all things American wore off, and once I stopped being a newcomer, people no longer found me an object of curiosity. It was around then that I began to be aware of a gulf in my life, a gulf that I have continued to feel in some measure ever since. [..] It was something more like a gulf between myself and my American self, or between my Japanese self and my American self -or, to be still more precise, between my Japanese-language self and my English-language self. My Japanese self did not disappear just because I had come to America; it would continue as long as I spoke and read Japanese. And I was convinced that my Japanese-language self was my real self and I could only be true to it by one day going back to Japan; my English-language self felt utterly beneath me, alien. At some point, I no longer recognized myself.