The Child, the Family, and the Outside World

by D.W. Winnicott

'The greatest British psychoanalyst who ever lived. He writes beautifully and simply about the problems of everyday life' Alain de Botton

The paediatrician and child psychiatrist D. W. Winnicott changed the way we think about childhood by placing the parent-infant relationship at the heart of human happiness, and by encouraging mothers and fathers to trust their own instincts. In this landmark work he follows the development of a child from their first weeks to finding their place in the wider world, touching on everything from crying and feeding to shyness, jealousy, independence and anger. His plain-speaking, humane and non-judgemental approach continues to influence our understanding of parenting today.

'His style is lucid, his manner friendly, and his years of experience provide much wise insight into child behaviour and parental attitudes' British Journal of Psychology

Genres: Psychology, Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychoanalysis, Developmental Psychology, Unfinished, Childrens

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1964

About the author

Donald Woods Winnicott was an English pediatrician, psychiatrist, sociologist and psychoanalyst.

Reviews

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book wasn't quite what I expected. Winnicott spends much of the book simply discussing what is going on in the child psychologically and attempts to reassure parents that are inundated with massive amounts and often contradictory advice that they can intuitively raise a healthy child through proper devotion and love. I found it a bit too academic for my purposes, and some of the theories seem a bit dated or, at the least, overreaching.

The psychology comes out of psychoanalysis, which is based on Freud. I had thought that Freudian ideas had fallen out of favor in modern times. Winnicott discusses the Oedipus complex in children for instance. Is this still a viable theory today?

The book largely avoids offering much child-rearing practicals, which is unfortunate since it was one of the key reasons for my reading of the book. The writing style too, since it was written in the 60's, is a bit overly verbose for my taste. He takes much longer to get to the point than a modern writer would, and when he does get to the point, he doesn't leave it soon enough.

There was one chapter that I found particularly interesting, though, and still relevant to me for practical consideration. In the third part of the book, when the writer talks about the outside world, he gets into a child's interactions at school with other children and with the teacher. Since I am a teacher, I found a lot of his insights about how teachers should relate to children rather fascinating.

Don't get me wrong, Winnicott has some very profound insights into the child psyche. Those interested in child psychology would most likely find much of the book a fascinating read.

[Lina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Psichoanalitiko, klasiko, žymaus pediatro Winnicott’o terminą “pakankamai gera motina” žino daugelis. Bet kas yra aplink tai, plačiau šioje teorijoje? Siekiau suprasti analizuodama šią knygą. Vietomis prieštaravau ir buvo ko, ypač kalbant apie LGBTQ+ (autorius kitais terminais kalbėjo), tačiau imant domėn kūrinio amžių, koks apskritai buvo kontekstas, galima suprasti. Stipru ir įžvalgu, suprantu, kodėl daugelis prisimena Winnicotto teiginius. Rekomenduoju. Su sveikos kritikos doze.

[Ruben · Rating 4 out of 5]

Meines Erachtens womöglich ein must-Read für alle (der Psychoanalyse nicht ignorant gegenübersthenden) werdenden und ein unter 5 Jähriges Kind habenden Eltern.
Winnicot begegnet einem in diesem Buch als der liebe Opi von Nebenan, der einem nicht erklären will, wie man sein Kind zu erziehen hat, was in der Erziehung richtig und was falsch ist, der keine Handlungsvorschläge und 7 Punkte Pläne entwirft, sondern der einem einfühlsam und verständnisvoll erklärt, was in dem eigenen Kind vorgeht. Hierfür grast er die psychoanalyisch typischen Themen ab: Mutter-Kind-Bindung, Stillen, Entwöhnung, Aggression, Sexualität, Vater-Kind-Bindung, Beziehung zu gleichaltrigen, Träume und nicht zuletzt das Spiel.
Besonders bemerkenswert fand ich die liebevolle Haltung gegenüber den werdenden Müttern und Müttern von Kleinkinder, die er stets zu ermutigen sucht, mutig zur eigenen Intuition zu stehen.

Hier und da kommt schon relativ stark durch, dass das Buch aus den späten 50ern ist, vor allem was die Rolle des Vaters, die klar verteielte Vorstellung der Geschlechterrollen und die Ehe als vorrangige Form der Lebensgemeinschaft angeht. Das ist jetzt aber nix, was Winnicot als Ideale pusht, sondern das sind halt die Gegebenheiten in der Gesellschaft, die er vorfindet.

Die wirklich wertvollen Grundmotive bleiben davon aber unbeeinflusst. Winnicot macht vor allem die Relevanz der Mutter-Kind-Bindung/Beziehung deutlich. Sie ist das Tor zur Welt für das Neugeborene und ist Dreh und Angelpunkt dessen Entwicklung zu einem mental gesunden Kind und später auch Erwachsenen.

[G · Rating 1 out of 5]

Totalmente equivocado. Es razonable la argumentación contra la irrupción de recomendaciones y reglas que vengan de cualquier teoría sobre la crianza de los hijos. Mucho ruido kleiniano, freudiano, neoconductista y -hoy en el siglo XXI-, neuroideologista. La mayor parte de todo ese ruido es prepotencia sin fundamento científico, sin evidencia. Bien Winnicott en la crítica de aquel momento. Pero, eso de la good enough mother es incompatible con cualquier estadística. Exceso de buenas intenciones, quizás, o ingenuidad voluntarista.

[Andrew Black · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly most important book I've ever read

[Valentina Chiriac · Rating 3 out of 5]

3*, și asta doar pentru că apreciez ideile în contextul în care au fost concepute acum aproape 60 de ani. Un început promițător, dar pe parcurs m-a pierdut, chiar mi-a dat dureri de cap. Este cu siguranță o carte de temelie a psihologiei copilului normal dar din loc în loc se simte trecerea timpului și nepotrivirea în timp și spațiu. Se observă de asemenea influența psihaanalizei și ideile lui Freud, care sunt considerate oarecum depășite sau cel putin limitative. Pe de altă parte mi-a placut cum a abordat tema educării cu privire la sexualitate.
Ideea redundantă a cărții s-ar putea sumariza în faptul că mama, familia și mediul trebuie să se constituie într-un exemplu demn de urmat pentru copil. Pe principiul aschia i-a naștere din trunchi, așa și copilul nu poate fii/face decât ceea ce vede în jur, și doar astfel poate ajunge departe.

[Sergio Gomes]

In this book, Winnicott describes emotional development from the strong presence of the father and mother, and the difficulties encountered by infants and children in relation to food, crying, breastfeeding, learning difficulties, family conflicts and antisocial behavior .

[Leon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely book for the open-minded mother to be.

[Ilib4kids]

Classics in child development (Reading, Mass.)Series

[Avalon French · Rating 1 out of 5]

The first section is ok and has some interesting and helpful points, but the rest is not worth the read. This is a book of the past and most of it does not represent current research and understanding of childhood development.

[Krissy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Should be an essential read for parents with an interest for child development and psychology.
Winnicott!

[Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A couple of things to say at the outset:

I am obviously not the target audience of this book. Winnicott is speaking directly to mothers (or soon-to-be mothers) in the first part of the book, mostly to mothers in the second part, and I suppose to anyone in the third part, although that is debatable. His central metaphor in understanding the needs and processes of growth going on in the baby is that of the mother, such that the stomach is conceived of as an interior mother, and doctors and nurses are more or less inadequate mothers that provide assistance to the baby’s actual mother. He is always ultimately concerned with mothers, and quite explicitly states that he is talking directly to mothers (the book came out of talks given on BBC radio broadcasts). So I was surprised to read some of the reviews on Goodreads complain about academic language, because it seems to me that Winnicott did a fantastic job of writing simply about one of the most profound things we can do: raising a child.

Second, I do not agree with (or maybe it would be better to rephrase that as: I did not like) everything that Winnicott says in this book. I was particularly unimpressed by his view of the role of the father, and I think many other people have voiced similar criticisms.

But despite these two things, I found this book to be absolutely incredible. A model of writing profoundly but clearly about important subjects, a willingness to contemplate the depths of seemingly banal topics (like a baby’s digestive system), and a romantic faith in the essential power of individual, ‘ordinary’ people combined to move me in a way I doubt few other books could.

I cannot recommend this highly enough to anyone - parents, doctors, teachers - who has anything to do with children in their daily lives, or who has been a child once.

[Lotti Marjai · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good book for students of psychology :)

[Zoe Ranson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Research for familial relationships for my novel - useful, but slight and outmoded.

[Joan Lieberman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I had read D.W. Winnicott before I had my first child. He understands that no parent is perfect while showing the way to do less damage.

[José Carlos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome!

[Dimitris Tselios · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most eye openning books I have ever read. Should be mandatory for all peofessionals working with children!

Winnicott could well be the greatest contributor in psychoanalysis after Froyd

[Toby Crime · Rating 4 out of 5]

Coming from reading 'Hate in the Counter-Tranference' alongside the Ordinary Unhappiness podcast, I was curious about Winnicott as somebody making radical interventions into developmental psychology in post-war Britain. I found the structure of this book really pleasant, working through the first section 'the child' from birth through the first 5ish years. Aspects of this were deeply insightful for me, particular the early stages of attachment and separation, with intuitive theories on why these initial experiences bring the first experiences of shame and other complex emotions. As the book goes on, the third section on 'The Outside World' loses this tight focus, with various chapters being more or less persuasive- though all were worthwhile to hear a 50's progressive perspective on it. One that sticks out to me is a chapter on how to treat twins, making sure to differentiate them and letting them learn when they want to pretend to be each other to prank anybody else.

[Viktorija · Rating 5 out of 5]

Knyga apie pačią tėvystęs esmę. Autorius savo laiku išsako drąsiais idėjas, kurių deja nežinijo mūsų tėvai, bet žinome mes ir dėl to nėra lengviau auginti vaikus šiandien. Kaip mūsų tėvai buvo mokomi auginti mus - maitinti pagal laikrodį, neimt ant rankų nes išleps, leisti išsiverkti ir t.t. dar ir šiandien tenka išgirst tokių patarimų. Autorius nuoširdžiai, filosofiškai kelia klausimus apie vaiką, jo ryšį su mama, aplinka, tačiau tiesių atsakymų nepateikia. Skatina mąstyti pačius skaitytojus D. W. Winnicott kalba apie "paprastą gerą mamą". Apie tai, kad kūdikis vienas neegzistuoja, o tik ryšyje su kitu žmogumi, idealiu atveju mama.

[Tine Plant · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ik denk dat dit boek inmiddels wat achterhaald is. Er staat zeker wat interessante informatie in het boek. En als je die stukjes informatie uit het boek zou halen en er een nieuw boek van zou maken, dan is het een boek met slechts 2 bladzijden. Veel informatie is achterhaald, niet passend meer in de maatschappij waar we nu in leven. En ook niet passend bij wat nu weten over hoe de ontwikkeling van een kind verloopt (zowel mentaal als lichamelijk).
Skip dit boek. En begin met het lezen van wel waardevolle opvoedboeken als: -onvoorwaardelijke ouderschap van Alfie Kohn
- Het boek waarvan je wilde dat je ouders het hadden gelezen van Philippa Perry

[Isabel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book because it was on a list of classic parenting books. I found it interesting as a historical object, but wouldn't recommend it. It gave me a glimpse into Freudian psychoanalysis and what was considered cutting-edge in parenting in 1960s England, but I think in emphasizing how special the mother-child bond is, Winnicott goes too far. For example, he writes that children often steal when they are little because they are "searching for their mother"... maybe not everything is about the mother-child relationship!

[Dilyana Karadzhova · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really looking forward to reading this book as I have heard so much about it. It contains a lot of wisdom and it is interesting to read Winnicott’s own thoughts on the transitional object. However, the book is clearly written in a time when gender roles were very different and the woman was expected to solely focus on the child and nothing else. Moreover, towards the end there are some remarks that can be seen as stigmatising neurodivergent people and behaviour. There is also a sentence that can be interpreted as racist.

[Helen Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

It gave me a lot to think about as a mother. Very Freudian and some may say a bit dated, but not really worthless for parents. There was a unique depth to Dr Winnicott’s writing, although the presentations in some chapters can be understandably polarizing (see mixed reviews in this Goodreads page). The book won’t probably be in the bestselling shelf but it’s a gem in its own right and I rarely find books like it that tackle about parenting in the unique way that he did.

[Alfreda Hunston · Rating 5 out of 5]

very clear explanation on the relationship of children and the other people, with careful explanation on various types of situation for a child's growth. The penguin version i read was printed out with fonts that are too small. i planned to finish it in one day and ended up figuring out due to the extremely small font it might acutually be as long as a 300-350 pages book with normal font. Carefully pick for a better printed out version will definitely improve my reading experience.

[Maria-Sophia]

It was written in 1964 so I’ll give it a pass, but much of this book is theoretical/junk science/speculative/obsolete - “…the mothering of one’s own baby is entirely personal, a job that no one can else could take over and do as well as oneself.” The most valuable thing about this book is it begs the question, “how much of psychology isn’t absolute horse shit?”

[irine · Rating 4 out of 5]

imo its a little outdated, mothers dont spend that much time with their children anymore, other than that its very knowledgeable in development and child psychology, great for those trying to understand childhood and personality

[Sooha Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a great book to learn child psychology.

[Skaistė Girtienė · Rating 4 out of 5]

Puiki knyga padedanti geriau pažinti vaiką ir motiną, jų tarpusavio bendravimą ir ryšio svarbą.

[Agnieška · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pakankamai gera motina- kartu ir netikėta, ir labai logiška autoriaus vartojama sąvoka.

[ken · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm never going to have children of my own (at best, an auncle) but this goes beyond the practicalities of child care. What did I expect? It is Winnicott.