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Irreparable: Three Lives. Two Deaths. One Story that Has to be Told.
Mark and Jennair Gerardot had been married nearly 25 years when Mark met someone who changed everything he had known about love. When what had begun as a harmless flirtation blossomed into a passionate love affair, Mark confessed his infidelity and began taking the painful steps toward what he thought was an amicable but long-overdue divorce. What he didn't realize, however, was that Jennair was taking steps of her own--steps that would end with both women dead and Mark a prime suspect in their murder.
A harrowing account of marriage, infidelity and murder, Irreparable is a must-read for anyone who has ever been faced with, or thought about betrayal, divorce, or electronic surveillance of a loved one. Based on hundreds of hours of recorded conversations and videotapes documenting a marriage as it shatters and a romance as it blooms, Irreparable will stun and surprise you on every page. The suspense builds as each chapter takes you deeper into the grief of a man tortured by his guilt, and the madness of a heartbroken woman determined to destroy the man she loved.
Unexpectedly thrust into the media spotlight after a life-altering personal tragedy in 2018, Mark Gerardot's obsessive two-year search to understand the bewildering secret life that led his wife to kill and to come to terms with his grief and remorse for his own actions is told in his debut book, "Irreparable". Determined to share the sad but true story of his 24-year marriage, the events that led up to the tragedy and the lessons he has learned since, Gerardot hopes to help others who find themselves at a crossroads in a troubled marriage or relationship. "We have a responsibility," Gerardot says "to not only take care of those we love, but those we hurt, to make sure they're okay."
A harrowing account of marriage, infidelity and murder, Irreparable is a must-read for anyone who has ever been faced with, or thought about betrayal, divorce, or electronic surveillance of a loved one. Based on hundreds of hours of recorded conversations and videotapes documenting a marriage as it shatters and a romance as it blooms, Irreparable will stun and surprise you on every page. The suspense builds as each chapter takes you deeper into the grief of a man tortured by his guilt, and the madness of a heartbroken woman determined to destroy the man she loved.
Unexpectedly thrust into the media spotlight after a life-altering personal tragedy in 2018, Mark Gerardot's obsessive two-year search to understand the bewildering secret life that led his wife to kill and to come to terms with his grief and remorse for his own actions is told in his debut book, "Irreparable". Determined to share the sad but true story of his 24-year marriage, the events that led up to the tragedy and the lessons he has learned since, Gerardot hopes to help others who find themselves at a crossroads in a troubled marriage or relationship. "We have a responsibility," Gerardot says "to not only take care of those we love, but those we hurt, to make sure they're okay."
296 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 24, 2020
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February 13, 2024
This is a true story.
Mark Gerardot first crossed paths with Jennair in 1986 in their home state of Indiana. She was 16 and he was 18. He'd found her attractive and appealing but was too shy to initiate anything.
Four years later they started dating. She was the opposite of him. Free spirited, independent, did not play by anyone else's rules, a beautiful rebel. He was hooked.
Three years later, in 1993, they got married. He was 25 and she was 23. They'd both graduated from college and got jobs in marketing. They were a happy couple living the American dream.
In 2017, Jennair had lost her job and had a hard time finding a new one.
In early November of the same year, Mark moved to Delaware to start a new job at the University.
Jennair had stayed behind to arrange for their house to be leased.
By the time Jennair would join him, 45 days later, their lives would change for ever.
By now the couple were married for 25 years, been together for 28. Mark was 49 and Jennair 47.
Mark's new boss at the university of Delaware was 33 year old Meredith Chapman. Meredith was married but felt an instant attraction to Mark who was a handsome man.
She would flatter him, stroke his ego, saying he was good at his job, was a wonderful man, he was amazing.
His wife never said things like that about him.
Meredith asked him out for drinks. That led to a dinner date initiated, again, by Meredith. At dinner they expressed their mutual professional crush on each other.
Mark was captivated.
It quickly developed into a full blown affair with "l love yous" exchanged.
Mark tried to convince the reader that Meredith was this amazing, incredibly clever, articulate, successful, talented woman that he just couldn't resist, but judging from her actions she also seemed to be a woman incapable of staying faithful and honouring her husband and marriage vows, instead she was proven to be a cheater.
If Mark had gotten the chance to make a life with her, l think she would eventually have cheated on him too. If your paramour can cheat with you they can easily cheat on you.
Mark kept saying that Meredith was super professional. Would a married professional initiate an affair with her also married co worker? I don't think so.
Mark kept repeating how beautiful Meredith was. To my humble and flawed opinion, Meredith was plain looking.
Would an amazing woman steal another woman's husband without a second thought, concern or regret? Again, l don't think so.
I don't buy the image of Meredith that Mark tried to sell the reader.
Unfortunately, Meredith comes off as an unapologetic, untrustworthy woman, a cheater and a homewrecker and l know that this was not Mark's intention. He intended to convince that Meredith was perfect in every way possible. Mark is obviously biased.
Jennair joined him in Delaware in mid December. Mark was hiding his feelings for two weeks, putting up a facade and Jennair sensed it. She demanded to know what was going on.
He told her that he wanted out. Those 45 days alone, showed him that he enjoys his independence.
Jennair asked "It’s Meredith isn't it?"
He'd denied it.
Two weeks later, on January 2018, Jennair said "So, you're in love and you're planning your future together. I heard you". She said she had her spies.
Mark did not believe her even though she had continued telling him things he and Meredith did or said and he did not fathom how she knew.
He'd denied the whole thing.
On Valentines day, Jennair told him she'd cloned his phone and knew everything. He'd confessed he was in love with Meredith. Jennair told him that she'd met with Meredith's husband and informed him about the affair.
Mark still loved Jennair but something was missing. Something for which he was willing to risk everything because he'd found it in someone else.
They decided to start marriage counselling sessions.
In the meantime, Meredith's husband had filed for divorce.
Mark discovered a listening device sawed in his jacket. Jennair admitted that she was using multiple devices on him. She'd promised to stop.
Some days later he'd discovered another device.
He'd told her he wanted a divorce and that was final.
In fact except from the listening devices, Jennair placed GPS devices on both Mark's and Meredith's cars, had hacked his work computer, cloned his mobile phone, and rented a car so she could follow them undetected. She also bought high powered binoculars.
Mark and Jennair had continued to live together, doing things with each other but Mark kept dating Meredith openly.
Jennair tried multiple times to talk him into fixing them, but to no avail.
Jennair was reaching her breaking point.
To Jennair Mark was everything. She'd been devoted to him for 28 years, she loved him, she had no kids, no job and was financially dependent on him. She did not have friends at that point and she'd just moved to a new state where she knew nobody.
Mark was in the process of trading her in for a younger model.
She was devastated.
Jennair: "l can't hold a candle. I will never measure up. I have been extinguished like a candle. He blew me out. I'm too broken, l can't see the future, l don't matter. I'm nothing. I'm so ugly, so worn, l'm stupid, l'm pathetic, l'm jobless and don't have anything to offer. I love him so much, l don't want anybody else. I just want him back."
I wish that someone would have told Jennair that there is life after divorce.
Mark urged her to see a psychiatrist. She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, from the trauma the affair cost her.
On the late afternoon of the 23rd of April, Mark finished work and texted Jennair. They had arranged to meet for dinner. Jennair texted back that she was on her way.
Some time later she'd send him a photo. A pile of trash with a used condom in the centre.
Mark knew that Jennair was inside Meredith's house. The text that followed the picture: "You fu--ed her, or she cheated you. You ruined my life. I hope you never find happiness. Bye Mark".
He drove to Meredith's house. He knew that something very wrong was taking place after Meredith failed to respond to his attempts to contact her.
He'd found both women lying on the living room floor, dead.
Jennair broke into Meredith's house, was lying in wait and she shot her as soon as she walked in. Then she shot herself.
Mark lives with regrets. He knows he'd betrayed his wedding vows and Jennair. He'd failed to take care of her, in her darkest hours he wasn't there to save her,even from herself.
He'd seen her in the depths of her sorrow, sobbing openly, lying naked in the shower and yet he pursued the end to their marriage.
He saw her take desperate measures to discover what he'd tried to conceal from her and he blamed her for violating his privacy.
He put his own needs and desires over her very survival and he did not realise her survival was even at stake.
In 2020, Mark wrote this book. He dedicated it to Meredith. This case made headlines and there's a few documentaries about it.
He says he still loves Jennair but he can't forgive her for what she did to Meredith.
Mark Gerardot first crossed paths with Jennair in 1986 in their home state of Indiana. She was 16 and he was 18. He'd found her attractive and appealing but was too shy to initiate anything.
Four years later they started dating. She was the opposite of him. Free spirited, independent, did not play by anyone else's rules, a beautiful rebel. He was hooked.
Three years later, in 1993, they got married. He was 25 and she was 23. They'd both graduated from college and got jobs in marketing. They were a happy couple living the American dream.
In 2017, Jennair had lost her job and had a hard time finding a new one.
In early November of the same year, Mark moved to Delaware to start a new job at the University.
Jennair had stayed behind to arrange for their house to be leased.
By the time Jennair would join him, 45 days later, their lives would change for ever.
By now the couple were married for 25 years, been together for 28. Mark was 49 and Jennair 47.
Mark's new boss at the university of Delaware was 33 year old Meredith Chapman. Meredith was married but felt an instant attraction to Mark who was a handsome man.
She would flatter him, stroke his ego, saying he was good at his job, was a wonderful man, he was amazing.
His wife never said things like that about him.
Meredith asked him out for drinks. That led to a dinner date initiated, again, by Meredith. At dinner they expressed their mutual professional crush on each other.
Mark was captivated.
It quickly developed into a full blown affair with "l love yous" exchanged.
Mark tried to convince the reader that Meredith was this amazing, incredibly clever, articulate, successful, talented woman that he just couldn't resist, but judging from her actions she also seemed to be a woman incapable of staying faithful and honouring her husband and marriage vows, instead she was proven to be a cheater.
If Mark had gotten the chance to make a life with her, l think she would eventually have cheated on him too. If your paramour can cheat with you they can easily cheat on you.
Mark kept saying that Meredith was super professional. Would a married professional initiate an affair with her also married co worker? I don't think so.
Mark kept repeating how beautiful Meredith was. To my humble and flawed opinion, Meredith was plain looking.
Would an amazing woman steal another woman's husband without a second thought, concern or regret? Again, l don't think so.
I don't buy the image of Meredith that Mark tried to sell the reader.
Unfortunately, Meredith comes off as an unapologetic, untrustworthy woman, a cheater and a homewrecker and l know that this was not Mark's intention. He intended to convince that Meredith was perfect in every way possible. Mark is obviously biased.
Jennair joined him in Delaware in mid December. Mark was hiding his feelings for two weeks, putting up a facade and Jennair sensed it. She demanded to know what was going on.
He told her that he wanted out. Those 45 days alone, showed him that he enjoys his independence.
Jennair asked "It’s Meredith isn't it?"
He'd denied it.
Two weeks later, on January 2018, Jennair said "So, you're in love and you're planning your future together. I heard you". She said she had her spies.
Mark did not believe her even though she had continued telling him things he and Meredith did or said and he did not fathom how she knew.
He'd denied the whole thing.
On Valentines day, Jennair told him she'd cloned his phone and knew everything. He'd confessed he was in love with Meredith. Jennair told him that she'd met with Meredith's husband and informed him about the affair.
Mark still loved Jennair but something was missing. Something for which he was willing to risk everything because he'd found it in someone else.
They decided to start marriage counselling sessions.
In the meantime, Meredith's husband had filed for divorce.
Mark discovered a listening device sawed in his jacket. Jennair admitted that she was using multiple devices on him. She'd promised to stop.
Some days later he'd discovered another device.
He'd told her he wanted a divorce and that was final.
In fact except from the listening devices, Jennair placed GPS devices on both Mark's and Meredith's cars, had hacked his work computer, cloned his mobile phone, and rented a car so she could follow them undetected. She also bought high powered binoculars.
Mark and Jennair had continued to live together, doing things with each other but Mark kept dating Meredith openly.
Jennair tried multiple times to talk him into fixing them, but to no avail.
Jennair was reaching her breaking point.
To Jennair Mark was everything. She'd been devoted to him for 28 years, she loved him, she had no kids, no job and was financially dependent on him. She did not have friends at that point and she'd just moved to a new state where she knew nobody.
Mark was in the process of trading her in for a younger model.
She was devastated.
Jennair: "l can't hold a candle. I will never measure up. I have been extinguished like a candle. He blew me out. I'm too broken, l can't see the future, l don't matter. I'm nothing. I'm so ugly, so worn, l'm stupid, l'm pathetic, l'm jobless and don't have anything to offer. I love him so much, l don't want anybody else. I just want him back."
I wish that someone would have told Jennair that there is life after divorce.
Mark urged her to see a psychiatrist. She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, from the trauma the affair cost her.
On the late afternoon of the 23rd of April, Mark finished work and texted Jennair. They had arranged to meet for dinner. Jennair texted back that she was on her way.
Some time later she'd send him a photo. A pile of trash with a used condom in the centre.
Mark knew that Jennair was inside Meredith's house. The text that followed the picture: "You fu--ed her, or she cheated you. You ruined my life. I hope you never find happiness. Bye Mark".
He drove to Meredith's house. He knew that something very wrong was taking place after Meredith failed to respond to his attempts to contact her.
He'd found both women lying on the living room floor, dead.
Jennair broke into Meredith's house, was lying in wait and she shot her as soon as she walked in. Then she shot herself.
Mark lives with regrets. He knows he'd betrayed his wedding vows and Jennair. He'd failed to take care of her, in her darkest hours he wasn't there to save her,even from herself.
He'd seen her in the depths of her sorrow, sobbing openly, lying naked in the shower and yet he pursued the end to their marriage.
He saw her take desperate measures to discover what he'd tried to conceal from her and he blamed her for violating his privacy.
He put his own needs and desires over her very survival and he did not realise her survival was even at stake.
In 2020, Mark wrote this book. He dedicated it to Meredith. This case made headlines and there's a few documentaries about it.
He says he still loves Jennair but he can't forgive her for what she did to Meredith.
October 25, 2020
This was a very dark read and one that I read in one sitting. I am still not sure how I feel about it.
The story is about Mark and Jennair Gerardo. You may have heard of them. This is a true story and is written by Mark Gerardot. He and his wife were married for decades when he fell in love with his boss, Meredith. He asked for a divorce. His wife proceeded to murder Meredith and then take her own life.
Mark lost both his wife and his girlfriend. He wrote this book he says to both heal and for it to be a warning to other people who may find themselves in a situation like this. It is also warning about how mental illness can ravage the mind and soul, turning someone unrecognizable.
I just do not know how I feel about this one. I was touched..deeply..and a bit shaken. I cannot imagine how he..Mark..went on. And I am shocked at the brutality of the crime.
I did read many reviews about this book and to be really honest the thing that shocked me the most were reviews from people about the mistress eviscerating her and a few people even saying she got what was coming to her. I cannot..I cannot even relate to that way of thinking and though I try not to judge, I will judge in this case and say that I think I was both shocked and angered by the vitrial from these reviewers who do not know the family personally and seem ready to think that because this woman (Meredith) slept with someone who was married she deserved her fate.
That kind of thinking sounds a bit unbalanced to me, I was reminded of a book I read on the rock band INXS where the writer of that book went off on people who were judging the lead singer and his girlfriend. That writer asked the question directly of his readers about the purity of the people reading his words.
I agree with that. There is nobody..nobody in the world..who has not done something they wish they had not done. Something that maybe shaming..something they would be terribly ashamed by. Most likely more than one thing. Nobody is Lilly white pure all the time. People have flaws. People make mistakes.
And to say someone deserves death because they were intimate with someone they should not have been..well all I can day is shit happens and relationships are complicated and I fail to see the logic in death sentences for people who commit infidelity . Just remember people.. Tom Hanks was married when he met Rita Wilson. I was startled by some of the hate I saw in the reviews, not really on GR but other sites.
Meredith, to me, sounded like a warm and successful woman, strong, sassy and free spirited. She fell in love with the wrong man. I felt for her.
I have no idea who Mark is in reality and how truthful he is being. I don't know him. All I know is this was a deeply tragic and emotionally moving story. jennair was deeply disturbed and nobody picked up on it to the degree they could have but that is nobody's fault. I also do not think anything would have changed the outcome. Some have said..maybe if Mark had told her from the beginning and not at first lied about it. I doubt it. She was in emotional freefall, had no identity and was filled with anger. And like the saying goes, "Hurt people hurt people".
I agree she could have been a borderline personality. Read "I hate you, don't leave me" which is a great book on that subject.
But I think some of this was tied not just to her love and obsession with Mark but with her fear of being destitute. She had a compulsion obviously to buy lottery tickets and she was terrified of going back to live with parents or of being homeless. She was burnt out from her jobs. And she questioned constantly whether Mark would take care of her.
Mark does say he loves her still in his book and all I can say is he maybe a nicer person that me because I freely say I would not forgive. I couldn't. I have heard these stories before, where victims family members come forward to ask the death penalty not be given and in some cases they even hug the person who took their loved one away. They are all nicer people then me. I do not think I could.
This was an unsettling and very deeply tragic book that I would recommend if you have the stomach for it because it is very dark. I would give this 3.5 stars. It is a very powerful and cautionary tale.
The story is about Mark and Jennair Gerardo. You may have heard of them. This is a true story and is written by Mark Gerardot. He and his wife were married for decades when he fell in love with his boss, Meredith. He asked for a divorce. His wife proceeded to murder Meredith and then take her own life.
Mark lost both his wife and his girlfriend. He wrote this book he says to both heal and for it to be a warning to other people who may find themselves in a situation like this. It is also warning about how mental illness can ravage the mind and soul, turning someone unrecognizable.
I just do not know how I feel about this one. I was touched..deeply..and a bit shaken. I cannot imagine how he..Mark..went on. And I am shocked at the brutality of the crime.
I did read many reviews about this book and to be really honest the thing that shocked me the most were reviews from people about the mistress eviscerating her and a few people even saying she got what was coming to her. I cannot..I cannot even relate to that way of thinking and though I try not to judge, I will judge in this case and say that I think I was both shocked and angered by the vitrial from these reviewers who do not know the family personally and seem ready to think that because this woman (Meredith) slept with someone who was married she deserved her fate.
That kind of thinking sounds a bit unbalanced to me, I was reminded of a book I read on the rock band INXS where the writer of that book went off on people who were judging the lead singer and his girlfriend. That writer asked the question directly of his readers about the purity of the people reading his words.
I agree with that. There is nobody..nobody in the world..who has not done something they wish they had not done. Something that maybe shaming..something they would be terribly ashamed by. Most likely more than one thing. Nobody is Lilly white pure all the time. People have flaws. People make mistakes.
And to say someone deserves death because they were intimate with someone they should not have been..well all I can day is shit happens and relationships are complicated and I fail to see the logic in death sentences for people who commit infidelity . Just remember people.. Tom Hanks was married when he met Rita Wilson. I was startled by some of the hate I saw in the reviews, not really on GR but other sites.
Meredith, to me, sounded like a warm and successful woman, strong, sassy and free spirited. She fell in love with the wrong man. I felt for her.
I have no idea who Mark is in reality and how truthful he is being. I don't know him. All I know is this was a deeply tragic and emotionally moving story. jennair was deeply disturbed and nobody picked up on it to the degree they could have but that is nobody's fault. I also do not think anything would have changed the outcome. Some have said..maybe if Mark had told her from the beginning and not at first lied about it. I doubt it. She was in emotional freefall, had no identity and was filled with anger. And like the saying goes, "Hurt people hurt people".
I agree she could have been a borderline personality. Read "I hate you, don't leave me" which is a great book on that subject.
But I think some of this was tied not just to her love and obsession with Mark but with her fear of being destitute. She had a compulsion obviously to buy lottery tickets and she was terrified of going back to live with parents or of being homeless. She was burnt out from her jobs. And she questioned constantly whether Mark would take care of her.
Mark does say he loves her still in his book and all I can say is he maybe a nicer person that me because I freely say I would not forgive. I couldn't. I have heard these stories before, where victims family members come forward to ask the death penalty not be given and in some cases they even hug the person who took their loved one away. They are all nicer people then me. I do not think I could.
This was an unsettling and very deeply tragic book that I would recommend if you have the stomach for it because it is very dark. I would give this 3.5 stars. It is a very powerful and cautionary tale.
September 2, 2020
I read the first chapter and DNF. What an asshole. After everything he put his wife through, even after her death he was painting her in a bad light.....he should crawl under a rock and hide there forever..what an epic loser
December 21, 2020
This read like fiction and a bad Lifetime movie. I would have liked to hear more about the other affairs, and how much money he made from her death and life insurance. Yes, what Jennair did was awful and unthinkable, but I don't think he took enough responsibility. And while he may claim she was abusive, he was as well. He was emotionally withholding and damaging every time he cheated. And he DID cheat. More than the 2 times he copped to. And while I thought the proceeds were going to mental health awareness and help, they did not. Why did that change?
October 2, 2020
I have no sympathy for the author or his mistress
I was so disgusted with the author and his behavior that I couldn't finish the book. What did he think would happen when he took up with another woman and tried to hide it from his wife? What did he think would happen when he told his wife he loved her while also telling her he was moving on with someone else? He moved his wife around the coutryside every time HE decided he needed a new job. She had no roots. Then he decides he wants to try things with a new woman having NO regard for his wife who is finishing their life up at yet another life he started in another state. His wife was cleaning up HIS mess in another state. What did he THINK would happen when she joined him and she found out what he had been doing all that time? I'm glad he got to tell his side of the story. In his truthfulness he told the world who he truly is - a selfish, narcissistic man. Stay away, ladies!
I was so disgusted with the author and his behavior that I couldn't finish the book. What did he think would happen when he took up with another woman and tried to hide it from his wife? What did he think would happen when he told his wife he loved her while also telling her he was moving on with someone else? He moved his wife around the coutryside every time HE decided he needed a new job. She had no roots. Then he decides he wants to try things with a new woman having NO regard for his wife who is finishing their life up at yet another life he started in another state. His wife was cleaning up HIS mess in another state. What did he THINK would happen when she joined him and she found out what he had been doing all that time? I'm glad he got to tell his side of the story. In his truthfulness he told the world who he truly is - a selfish, narcissistic man. Stay away, ladies!
October 29, 2020
Sickening
I could not continue reading this book after the first few pages. The author sounds like a sociopath, glorifying his adulterous relationship and vilifying his wife. It was Kindle Unlimited, so at least I didn’t waste any money on it.
I could not continue reading this book after the first few pages. The author sounds like a sociopath, glorifying his adulterous relationship and vilifying his wife. It was Kindle Unlimited, so at least I didn’t waste any money on it.
January 1, 2022
I saw the all the news stories on this sad event. I felt that it was more of a story of 2 bullies who mentally tortured, and gaslighted one poor woman. I wish Mark could have come to his senses and saw M for what she was. I believe when she hired him she immediately decided she was going to go after him, married or not. His boss...no less. Of the 3 of them I felt M and M were the most unstable, and cruel. It's beyond belief that Meredith didn't see the danger she was creating along with Mark. I guess it was fun until it wasn't. Jennair pegged Meredith correctly, and she would have gotten pregnant in no time to further trap Mark. He would have ended up paying child support because that affair wasn't going to last. When Jennair confronted Meredith in the restaurant, after she left Mark stated she was rocking back and forth. Mark started to see the cracks in Meredith. Many instances were obvious to Meredith being unwell. Mark had cheated before, and sadly proved his lack of character. Then he seems oblivious as to why Jennair doesn't trust him...lol. And blames her for catching him over and over. I think that's called reverse psychology, or major deflection! He seems to blames others for his life choices. Or somehow it just happened like the affair overseas. His many jobs, and financial problems again stem from poor choices. I only had sympathy for Jennair who was the true victim. On the upside, Meredith won't be able to destroy another person, or family. Mark shouldn't have written a book trying to blame his wife because it was apparent to me he and Meredith were the only ones to blame. You tease a dog over and over then blame the dog for finally biting is pretty deluded. I got this for free on Kindle, never would pay for it and neither should you.
July 8, 2022
So, let me get this straight: this man cheated (multiple times) on his wife, dismissed her, drove her insane to the point she killed herself (and the last mistress)…. but he found the courage to write a book about himself and how such a victim he was.
This is the definition of narcissism.
This is the definition of narcissism.
December 16, 2020
I read this book after watching a YouTube video on it. And for some reason the case was interesting to me. I wanted to read the book to hopefully find some compassion for Mark and Meredith and honestly it just made me more mad and made me dislike both of them more. The book is Mark's attempt to shift all the blame of his infidelity onto Jennair. Its ludicrous to assume anyone can diagnose someone based off of someone else's words. I dont doubt she was horribly depressed but to say she has BPD when that hasn't been confirmed from a therapist or psychiatrist that actually treated her is disgusting. The whole book reads as a love letter to Meredith while dragging every intimate detail of Jennair's life out in the open. I can't imagine doing that to people who had been my in laws for 24 years and in my life for close to 30. Mark's duty was to protect Jennair and instead still he protects Meredith. Jennair should not have killed Meredith, but she had been broken down so fully by Mark. Meredith and Mark's treatment of their partners is absolutely disgusting. And if they were so absolutely in love should have been honest from the get go and especially once asked by their spouses. Instead they both lied about it. Mark did everything he could to make Jennair feel like she wasn't worthy while parading around how amazing and in love he was with Meredith. Also I doubt anything Mark says about Jennair. There is no way a marriage counselor would advise someone could carry on an affair and the spouse just had to let them ride it out. Marriage counseling 101 when infidelity is the cause is ALL contact is cut off immediately. If you are coworkers interaction is limited as much as possible and you are never alone together. Meredith's causal dismissal of Jennair threatening suicide truly shows her character. As does her outrage that her husband wanted a divorce on grounds of adultery yet SHE was screwing him over when she was the only one in the wrong (in her marriage). Mark not being clear to Jen he wanted out while he decided what he wanted, while still seeing (and most likely screwing) Meredith is absolutely scummy. How can you say you didn't see the signs when Jennair was breaking down on the shower floor? Honestly what it comes down to is that he just didn't care all he cared about was Meredith. The fact he dedicated this book to Meredith is abhorrent. And trying to say he loved them both? No you cannot love two people romantically at same time. Jennair should have never taken him back when he dumped her when he started flirting with that girl in college. And definitely should have divorced him after his one night stand. I wish Jennair had been mentally strong enough to get past this. Meredith and Mark undoubtedly would have crashed and burned as what little he shared showed a very emotionally immature woman and very high school type love. I dont see how anyone would view her as mature for her age. Then Jennair could have had the last laugh when Mark tried to come crawling back. Its so tragic that people feel that they can treat the people they claim to love with such callousness. And Mark continuing to call Meredith his girlfriend is a slap in the face to marriages. She was a mistress which is a title that was befitting her station. And Mark was a Paramour not a boyfriend. Either he loved Jennair or Meredith and it seems pretty clear what the answer is there. He just uses his "love" for Jennair as an excuse to squeeze out at his 15 minutes of fame. Its tragic Jennair was driven to take Meredith's and her own life. And then Meredith's family had the gall to say she there was no affair to make it seem like she was completely innocent is disturbing, but at least one thing this book does is make it obvious of Meredith's own role in this tragedy. Jennair shouldn't have resorted to murder because that definitely wasn't ok. However Mark's treatment of Jennair is absolutely what caused this tragedy. The best lessons to come out of this book are leave the first time they cheat, and do not stray where you don't belong. And to everyone saying Jennair should have just left, she had every right to fight for her marriage, Mark and Meredith had no right to be together.
(Excuse typos as this was written on my tablet. Will try to edit later on my computer)
(Excuse typos as this was written on my tablet. Will try to edit later on my computer)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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September 3, 2021So this mans head is turned by a younger woman because she inflates his ego. His wife who has stood by his side for 24 years is set aside for this much younger woman. We are suppose to believe he is writing this book to (help)? Please!
Spare me. You were so self involved you didn’t realize your wife had a few issues. Not only that what wife wouldn’t have issues if their husbands cheated on them numerous times. You sir are a liar. You stated you hadn’t slept with Meredith. Bull. See liar. You stated in an interview that you were to live with your wife until May and you had to stay away from Meredith. But in this book you admit to helping her move and bringing her coffee. Keep the lies straight.
The fact you don’t once apologize for your affair and take the blame for all of this situation is unfathomable. Then to actually blame Jennair. You call her controlling at the beginning of your marriage.
I can’t read on. This author needs to turn the finger he is pointing at his dead wife towards himself.
Spare me. You were so self involved you didn’t realize your wife had a few issues. Not only that what wife wouldn’t have issues if their husbands cheated on them numerous times. You sir are a liar. You stated you hadn’t slept with Meredith. Bull. See liar. You stated in an interview that you were to live with your wife until May and you had to stay away from Meredith. But in this book you admit to helping her move and bringing her coffee. Keep the lies straight.
The fact you don’t once apologize for your affair and take the blame for all of this situation is unfathomable. Then to actually blame Jennair. You call her controlling at the beginning of your marriage.
I can’t read on. This author needs to turn the finger he is pointing at his dead wife towards himself.
August 15, 2020
I struggled with this book. The author had definitely been through a dreadful experience, and nothing he (or Meredith) did deserved what happened. However, Jennair also had a terrible time and I found it hard to read the book knowing she didn’t have the right to reply.
The author was honest in that he agreed that the book was written from his perspective but I found it very hard to believe he still told Jennair often that he loved her, and that they would spend days together and go for dinner. It really felt like he was keeping her on the back burner as a backup in case his affair fizzled it.
I felt like he was getting to rewrite history, and viewing his own behaviour through rose coloured glasses. I truly feel sorry for him and wish him well, but I also feel devastated for Jennair & Merediths families as there is no getting over what happened.
The author was honest in that he agreed that the book was written from his perspective but I found it very hard to believe he still told Jennair often that he loved her, and that they would spend days together and go for dinner. It really felt like he was keeping her on the back burner as a backup in case his affair fizzled it.
I felt like he was getting to rewrite history, and viewing his own behaviour through rose coloured glasses. I truly feel sorry for him and wish him well, but I also feel devastated for Jennair & Merediths families as there is no getting over what happened.
June 5, 2020
Soul stirring
I only give 5 stars to books that really move me. Books I know I will never forget. This was one of those books. I came away from this book feeling I had learned somethings that were very important to know. Highly recommended.
I only give 5 stars to books that really move me. Books I know I will never forget. This was one of those books. I came away from this book feeling I had learned somethings that were very important to know. Highly recommended.
March 22, 2021
Quick read, tragic tale. I’m generally not judgmental towards those who have affairs, but this guy was living in fantasy-land. No responsibility for his actions: “It just happened”. He continued to live with his wife, ignore all the signs of her intense downward spiral and wrote her off as crazy. And spent most of the book talking about how mean-spirited and awful she was during their marriage, while uplifting this young, dumb girl to angelic status. Men like this still exist, unfortunately. Don’t think he learned anything.
May 15, 2020
Irreparable
Very well written. I found myself having sympathy for Mark and in the next paragraph being angry and blaming him. In the end, Jennair had deep psychological issues that were never acknowledged or addressed and the affair sent her over the edge. I admire the courage it took to write the book and laid it out bare bones and all. This book really makes you think.
Very well written. I found myself having sympathy for Mark and in the next paragraph being angry and blaming him. In the end, Jennair had deep psychological issues that were never acknowledged or addressed and the affair sent her over the edge. I admire the courage it took to write the book and laid it out bare bones and all. This book really makes you think.
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June 27, 2020Read through most of it but very redundant. Setting aside the author's abysmal judgment and selfish behavior while "transitioning" from his wife to his girlfriend, the book is poorly and monotonously written. Almost hard to believe he had such a successful career (supposedly).
October 26, 2021
asshole
January 9, 2022
He dedicated the book to “M” . I didn’t want to read it. I followed the story and my heart was crushed for Jennair. She made a horrible decision. She took a life. That’s inexcusable. The more I watched the story the more my heart broke for her. How little she must have felt. How worthless. He did that. No matter how much he thinks he was trying to spare her, he wasn’t. He should have just left. You want her to be in a good place yet you throw the woman you left her for in her face. He wasn’t trying to make her feel better he was trying to ease his guilt. What broke me was when he woke up cuddling his wife he said “it’s wrong”. I fell all the way OUT. Now you grow a conscience. Now you know right from wrong. You should have said “it’s wrong” when you entertained this flirtation with “M”. I don’t ever think you should stay in a relationship you don’t want to be in. But there is a way to do things. ESPECIALLY if you still “love” that person. While he glorified and praised “M” because the world is less without her my heart broke even more for J. 24 years that he threw away. I don’t care how much he waxed on about love and memories. That’s exactly what he did throw them away. Not because he didn’t want to be with her but because of how he treated her. So J, I’m sorry you felt that you weren’t enough. I’m sorry that you memory has been reduced to this. I’m sorry someone you gave your heart and dedicated your life to treated you so poorly. I never knew you but I know how you felt. He wasn’t worth you. He didn’t deserve you. You were better off with him leaving. ❤️
February 17, 2024
I read this bc of Annas great review. I have lots to say but not the time to write it but go listen to the podcast where Mark gaslights his wife. Who's lying to whom? No, murder is never justified, never. No exceptions. But there are shades of gray that her 'loving husband Mark" totally shaded to charcoal. Divorce her, don't sleep with her, tell her you love her, all the while thinking she might have 'issues". The problem started with infidelity, his wrong. You want to be in the right? Don't fnck another person when you're still married. Let's just say, imo, he's to blame for Merediths murder as much as his wife was. Actions have consequences, some that people don't come back from. Meredith was a non starter for me in this. On the podcast we hear her words, here we read the slime balls opinion that got her killed. The podcast doesn't show her to good advantage (in her own words, her actual voice) but I'm not reviewing that. My only regret is that he got paid for me KU'ing his book.
February 21, 2023
I thought this would be an account of his actions that drove his wife to commit such an awful deed— like a “don’t be a disgusting cheater because this could be the outcome” or a “here’s the lesson I learned about being a cheater” type of story, but instead it just read like a whole lot of “here are all the negative things about my wife that made it understandable for me to cheat on her.” It’s bad enough what was done to her to cause her mental break, but then he had to write a book and detail her negative attributes while saying little to nothing about his own. I wish SHE had written a book.
May 14, 2022
I would call this book Inexcusable.
October 15, 2022
Not sure why I finished this true crime story as I already knew the outcome. The guy is a narcissist.
June 26, 2021
We have all met men like Mark. They want a wife who is basically their mother. Cleaning up after them. Managing their problems. Fighting their battles. They benefit from this arrangement. They are always the victim and their dominant spouse is always the bad one. Then suddenly, they meet a woman who makes them special, feeds their ego and flatters them. And suddenly the original spouse makes them feel bad or inept. It is just a matter of time before the new girlfriend becomes the new mother. It’s a never ending cycle. Mark blames Jennair’s horrible actions on her mental health without fully taking accountability for being the demise of her sanity. He wished that Jennair would still be the fun loving, determined and focused woman he fell in love with without realizing that his behavior, his actions, his passive aggression were the direct result of her becoming a different person than who he married. Mark was infatuated with a younger woman who made him feel special. Meredith was enjoying the competitiveness of bedding another woman’s husband. And Jennair became trapped in an endless cycle of hopelessness and self punishment by being obsessed with the relationship between Mark and Meredith. Mark moved his wife all over the country, following job after job, leaving Jennair behind to wrap up loose ends and then getting frustrated that she can’t be a career woman. When Mark owned his own business and Jennair worked there, other employees complained and threatened to quit if she stayed. I would bet that he left Jennair to deal with HR matters that he didn’t want to deal with. And then threw her under the bus when she did deal with HR matters. Mark is incredibly immature, self centered, pathetic and narcissistic. All this book did was highlight his profound role in the death of two people. I hope he uses the proceeds of this book to pay for intense therapy only so he will eventually fully realize the starring role he played in the destruction of one woman’s sanity that led to the deaths of two people.
August 2, 2022
Unnecessary nonsense
I'll start by saying the first statement in this book is completely false, this book was not "needed" it wasn't necessary for him to write this. He essentially destroyed the life of multiple people with his decisions but somehow thinks he should profit off the story. (Luckily I read it for free on kindle) Its chapter after chapter of him telling us how bad of a wife Jennair was mixed with him clearly justifying his actions during their last days.
Is what his wife Jennair did ok? No absolutely not. But from outsider perspective it seems like a woman who had it dropped on her out of nowhere that her husband found a younger, "more successful" woman and was now leaving her after 24 years. He by his own admittance ignored very obvious signs that she wasn't taking it well and was clearly breaking down emotionally. He slanders her character, claims many things about how miserable their marriage was (but yet he stuck around for 24 years and had a hard time ending it), he lied to her about the affair and then was shocked that she took measures to prove he was lying.
Again I in no way think Jennair shooting Meredith was ok or right but it's clear that Meredith and Mark were not some innocent party. They ripped apart 2 marriages in a matter of months and had no sympathy for Jennairs mental state being put through that. Not to mention his memory of how their marriage was seems more like an attempt on his part to justify his part in this tragedy and make his wife seem absolutely crazy when no one really can know if anything he's saying is the truth. I honestly skipped the last few chapters because I got tired of the rambling.
I'll start by saying the first statement in this book is completely false, this book was not "needed" it wasn't necessary for him to write this. He essentially destroyed the life of multiple people with his decisions but somehow thinks he should profit off the story. (Luckily I read it for free on kindle) Its chapter after chapter of him telling us how bad of a wife Jennair was mixed with him clearly justifying his actions during their last days.
Is what his wife Jennair did ok? No absolutely not. But from outsider perspective it seems like a woman who had it dropped on her out of nowhere that her husband found a younger, "more successful" woman and was now leaving her after 24 years. He by his own admittance ignored very obvious signs that she wasn't taking it well and was clearly breaking down emotionally. He slanders her character, claims many things about how miserable their marriage was (but yet he stuck around for 24 years and had a hard time ending it), he lied to her about the affair and then was shocked that she took measures to prove he was lying.
Again I in no way think Jennair shooting Meredith was ok or right but it's clear that Meredith and Mark were not some innocent party. They ripped apart 2 marriages in a matter of months and had no sympathy for Jennairs mental state being put through that. Not to mention his memory of how their marriage was seems more like an attempt on his part to justify his part in this tragedy and make his wife seem absolutely crazy when no one really can know if anything he's saying is the truth. I honestly skipped the last few chapters because I got tired of the rambling.
November 8, 2023
I cannot stand cheaters! Every relationship this guy started, he started from cheating on another. Twice with Jennaire. In no way is this an excuse for what Jennaire did. But he tries to come off almost innocent - he just fell in love. What an ass. I don’t care if all the profits from book are going to charity. I am so glad I did not buy this book. In no way do I want to give this book any attention.
To be clear, I am not in anyway condoning Jennaire’s actions. She committed a horrible crime. No one deserves to die, or be killed, no matter the circumstances.
My beef is with the author. He is a cheater and a liar. Why should I believe anything he is saying when describing his marriage to Jennaire. Clearly she was not in her right mind. But did he have to paint the marriage in such horrible strokes.
He is a narcissistic, self-absorbed asshole. He takes absolutely no responsibility and only damages Jennaire in the telling. I don’t believe anything he wrote. Why would I believe a cheater, a serial cheater at that!
I could not get past page 20, though I did skim other parts.
To be clear, I am not in anyway condoning Jennaire’s actions. She committed a horrible crime. No one deserves to die, or be killed, no matter the circumstances.
My beef is with the author. He is a cheater and a liar. Why should I believe anything he is saying when describing his marriage to Jennaire. Clearly she was not in her right mind. But did he have to paint the marriage in such horrible strokes.
He is a narcissistic, self-absorbed asshole. He takes absolutely no responsibility and only damages Jennaire in the telling. I don’t believe anything he wrote. Why would I believe a cheater, a serial cheater at that!
I could not get past page 20, though I did skim other parts.
July 26, 2021
This guy was a complete jerk his choice to have a extra marital affair caused this whole tragedy. He could have gotten his wife help rather than taunting his relationship in her face, kept telling her how much he loved her and would stY with her was a load of crap. He was just wanting the thrill of the new young thing in his life. He was a player who deserves the feelings he had. He shouldn't profit from this story, his a narcissistic man who drove his wife to suicide and murder. Wonders why her family and the girlfriends family want nothing to do with him. Who would. I was fed up and angry at the end if this book. It just went on and on and on with a whole lot of ridiculousness.
June 17, 2022
Interesting because it is a sad story that could have been prevented. The book had too much repetition. Although tragic, I do not feel any empathy for the author Mark. He should have manned up - finished the divorce with his wife, then moved onto his girl friend - you cannot have your cake & eat it too. His wife had shown way too many psychotic behaviors - it is a crime that he never addressed any of them.
March 3, 2023
Someone should write a book dedicated to Jennair. She was the only one whose sacrament of marriage meant anything. We all make mistakes now and then, but MWhore saw Jennair and made no apology nor any accountability. No real professional hires a married subordinate and within days meets him for drinks, dinner, and drunken sex. Mark pathetically tries and tries to put DSM label on his wife of 24 years. Yes, MWhores with no conscience can burn in Hell.
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May 27, 2020The author is a friend and while I knew some of the story, this book filled in the blanks and also teaches us about mental illness, obsessive disorder, and how you really can't know a person, truly, even if you are married to them.
This is a tragedy for all involved. No one should bear the weight of someone else's decision to take a life.
Proceeds go to a good cause.
This is a tragedy for all involved. No one should bear the weight of someone else's decision to take a life.
Proceeds go to a good cause.
October 29, 2022
Tragic… his actions in his marriage ultimately caused his wife’s actions.
His wife was not the lone villain. I think after the many years of marriage and her putting him first and taking care of him then trades her in…that did her in. He’s something else, and his actions are a major part for this tragedy.
His wife was not the lone villain. I think after the many years of marriage and her putting him first and taking care of him then trades her in…that did her in. He’s something else, and his actions are a major part for this tragedy.
July 15, 2020
GREAT !!!!
I loved this book. It's an incredible story written honestly. Scary CRAZY but makes you think about how you treat others & a good reminder to make sure you are aware of your loved ones mental health status.
I loved this book. It's an incredible story written honestly. Scary CRAZY but makes you think about how you treat others & a good reminder to make sure you are aware of your loved ones mental health status.
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