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The World Looks Different Now: A Memoir of Suicide, Faith, and Family

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On a glorious, if blisteringly hot, Saturday in August 2010, Margaret Thomson’s world is suddenly shattered by the incomprehensible news that her twenty-two-year-old son, a medic in the army, has taken his life. In a deep state of shock, Thomson and her husband immediately travel to Fort Bragg, North Carolina, where their son Kieran was stationed, in an effort to assist their daughter-in-law. Upon their arrival, though, the couple find themselves plunged into a labyrinthine and, at times, seemingly bizarre world of military rules and regulations.

Eventually, after the funeral and the memorial services are over, an even more challenging journey―emotionally as well as geographically―ensues, especially for Margaret, who, as a former journalist, is determined to find out more about the circumstances surrounding her son’s death, no matter how high the cost. As she enters her second year of grieving, Thomson receives an unexpected invitation from an unlikely source―the army, which she’s often blamed in many ways, whether fairly or not, for her son’s death. Seizing upon this opportunity, Thomson finds that her perspective is changed―literally―and that as a result the world does indeed look different now.

304 pages, Paperback

Published July 14, 2020

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Margaret Thomson

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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
Profile Image for Jamie.
640 reviews
October 5, 2020
This book literally took my breath away!
I will not forget this book or Kieran!
This book tells the story of Kieran and how his family’s lives are changed after his suicide. Kieran was set to deploy to Afghanistan from Ft.Bragg.
Following Kieran’s death, Margaret turns to writing to try to cope and heal with her sons death.

As the wife of an Army Veteran who suffers from PTSD, suicide is something I worry about every day. My warrior husband was trained to kill but now can not even bring him self to get out of bed. Our soldiers toughest battles are not fought on the battlefield and sadly they are not getting the treatment they so desperately need. I hope through this book and the authors work with soldiers some headway can be made.

This is a tough book that definitely has triggers but one I absolutely recommend.

Thanks to the author, Margaret Thomson for my gifted copy.
Profile Image for Story Circle Book Reviews.
636 reviews66 followers
October 3, 2020
Author Margaret Thomson prefaces her book with the following Gloria Vanderbilt quote: “I have heard it said that the greatest grief a human being can experience is the loss of a child. This is true. It doesn't just change you. It demolishes you. The rest of your life is spent on another level.”

Thomson takes the reader on the painfully sad journey she experienced upon the suicide of her 22-year-old son Kieran in 2010.

Kieran was in his first year in the Army, a few months from being deployed to Afghanistan. He had a wife and a new infant daughter. For the first time in a long time, his parents felt a sense of pride that Kieran had completed something he'd started. Yet, their pride was tempered with apprehension.

Kieran had been diagnosed early on with a condition called Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD). Several IQ tests revealed that Kieran had scored exceptionally high on the intellectual (verbal) level but scored poorly in the performance area. This made it difficult for him to stay on task, and school was always an issue dating back to preschool. He'd attended several schools, trying to accommodate his special needs and often odd mannerisms. Thomson said that the NLD caused Kieran to “struggle with practically everything, except for tasks involving strictly verbal skills.”

Thomson effectively provides the backstory leading up to Kieran's suicide. She does this by gradually building up details about this young man's life, from a mother's perspective and offered with reflective insight. Thomson takes the reader on an emotional ride, as we deal with her inconsolable grief and sorrow.

Ironically, the outside physical world is in sharp contrast to the inner turmoil churning within Thomson. “Since Kieran's death there've been almost three weeks of continuous sunshine. On more than one occasion, the weather strikes me as an act of gratuitous cruelty perpetuated either by God or nature or both.”

Nothing could have prepared her for the grueling emotional toll of profound guilt Thomson candidly reveals. She early on questions why she or her husband did not put a stop to Kieran joining the Army in the first place. Or if they had at least interceded to convince the Army that Kieran was not who they perceived him as.

Thomson takes us through her personal phases of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and a quasi-state of acceptance. She craftily takes us into the center of her heart with her emotional story of losing her son. One only wishes it wasn't true.

By the end of the book, the reader knows Kieran as intimately as a family member; as such, one grieves his loss along with Thomson.

The World Looks Different Now is Thomson's personable, heartrending, poignant story, and would make an excellent source of reference for the topic of “grief,” something we all inevitably must contend with.

This book was reviewed for Story Circle Book Reviews by Paula Robertson.
Profile Image for Kpthebookworm.
102 reviews10 followers
January 27, 2021
This is a very powerful memoir. I received a copy from the author for review, and I’m happy to sing its praises. Books do not tend to make me cry very easily, but I definitely shed a few tears reading The World Looks Different Now. And I won’t soon forget the story of Thomson’s life, and that of her son, Kieran.

The writing is so honest, so raw. I so appreciate that Thomson is so straightforward and unapologetic about the range of feelings she experienced following the death of her son. I am fortunate to have never lost a child, as a mother to two little ones it is of course my worst fear. I found it interesting to bear witness to the process of grieving, to see that even with experiencing some of her darkest days she manages to find light and joy again. To let go of the guilt she harbors. There is a particularly powerful scene at the end where she manages to let go of “guilt” and I absolutely sobbed reading it.

This is one of those stories that will stick with me for a long time. The writing is fabulous, honestly. Although it’s a memoir it was gripping and there were times where I simply couldn’t put it down. I read it in two days, which is very rare for me.

Thank you to the author for sharing this with the world. ❤️
1 review1 follower
August 5, 2020
This memoir is an honest and compelling account of a mother’s journey to find understanding and some measure of peace in the aftermath of her son’s suicide. It is important to note, however, that it is also about the pain, love, and uncertainty experienced by a parent when a child is struggling to live in a world that is not always willing to accommodate his unique strengths and weaknesses. Margaret Thomson describes difficult, often baffling, events in her son’s life that caused pain and disappointment, but her deep appreciation for Kieran’s special qualities is always apparent.

As a journalist who is also a mother trying to find a way through her grief, Margaret is compelled to search for information regarding the circumstances surrounding her son’s death. For the most part, her search is courageous and unflinching. Because life and human beings are mysterious and complicated, it seems her questions are never fully resolved, but I admired her persistence. Her willingness to address future Casualty Assistance Officers at Fort Campbell shows her strength and determination to create meaning from her inexplicable loss.

Margaret’s voice is distinctive and consistent, showing an acute self-awareness in describing her often complex feelings about the events and people she encounters. Because she recognizes her own missteps (especially in her reluctance to reach out to the bereaved in the past), she is never harsh or judgmental in her assessments of others.

At times she is strong and assertive, at others hesitant and uncertain. As the journey unfolds, the reader sees a growing confidence in her ability to face and even shape a world that has changed for her and her family. I think the writing and publication of this memoir is unmistakable evidence of her ability to confront and overcome her pain and loss and create a memorial worthy of her son.

"The World Looks Different Now" can be compared to Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking" and Joyce Carol Oates' "A Widow's Story." Perhaps because Margaret brings her experience as a journalist to a mother's grief, she is able to express the complexity of her experience with language that is more immediate and straightforward.

In her remarkable Afterword, Margaret refers to the collective and individual losses suffered during the coronavirus pandemic and how this has affected our experience of the world. In doing so, she illustrates why her memoir should be read by anyone who has confronted the many ways in which pain and loss transform our lives.
Profile Image for BreeAnn (She Just Loves Books).
1,429 reviews119 followers
August 1, 2020
The World Looks Different Now is an emotional story of a mother after the loss of her son. Margaret Thomson’s world is completely changed after the news that her 22-year-old son, Kieran, has committed suicide. Margaret and her husband travel to her son’s army base to help their daughter-in-law in the aftermath of this tragedy. Margaret needs to understand the circumstances surrounding her son’s death and works tirelessly to Kieran’s medical records and gain some sense of understanding about the death of her son.

I’m not sure what makes me go back again and again to emotional stories. There is something uplifting in reading about how a person has overcome such a terrible experience. Margaret Thomson’s story is utterly gut-wrenching. I cannot imagine having to lose a child. Reading Thomson’s story was difficult, but it was really interesting. She writes about a dark, horrible time in her life, but she adds these opportunities for the reader to feel the hope that she felt, bringing the reader out for a breath of fresh air. It created a beautiful reading experience.

The content of The World Looks Different Now is about suicide, so I think that readers should be aware of that if they have trigger concerns.

Overall, I thought that this book was well-written and created an emotional journey that I know was very healing for the author. It was a good book that I would recommend to readers that are looking for a story of hope and healing.

I was provided a gifted copy of this book for free. I am leaving my review voluntarily.

My full review of this book will post to my blog on 8/3/20. All of my reviews can be found at https://shejustlovesbooks.com/all-boo...
146 reviews8 followers
May 14, 2020
Thank you to #NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with a digital copy of this book prior to publication in exchange for my honest review. Margaret Thomson gets the telephone call that no mother ever wants to get, her 22 year old son who is in the Army killed himself. The son, Kieran, had issues growing up, transferring schools frequently and after extensive testing was diagnosed as having a significant split between his verbal IQ and his performance IQ. The normal split is 12 points but Kieran reaches a split of 49 which is unheard of. His parents were told that Kieran was highly intelligent, but people with this split often had trouble fitting in with society and also had a higher rate of suicide. Kieran manages to barely graduate high school and joins the Army and becomes a medic. Then comes the phone call that Kieran is dead. What follows is the story of Thomson, who is an author, as she tries to find out the circumstances of hers son's death while dealing with an endless amount of military rules and regulations. Eventually, thanks to the help of Sally, who works for Survivor Outreach Services, Thomson is able to get a copy of her son's medical records and get a formal presentation of the facts surrounding his death. All in all, this is a moving story of a mother coming to grips with the suicide of her son.
1 review
August 5, 2020
This book should be a primer for all parents. While the overall theme deals with the horrid loss of a son due to suicide,the strongest message is revealed between the lines; how do parents deal with a situation where their children are not deemed as “normal”?

Margaret reveals an account that assures parents of special needs children that they are not alone on an island of frustration and despair. Her and Tim’s dedication to making their son’s life as full as possible is an example of how a parent must be their child’s advocate without regard to common norms.

Her spirit of fighting on against what would seem to be insurmountable institutions and odds should be a guide book for all parents of children with special needs.

Margaret asks the question we all ask ourselves after a setback; if I did something different at some point in time, would this horror not have happened? This is something mere mortals cannot answer. What the book reveals is that she and Tim did all they could and while the outcome for them was tragic, they established a great example for all parents to live up to.
Profile Image for Sharita Knobloch.
20 reviews
July 14, 2020
I was privileged to receive and advanced readers copy of this book and it is one that has impacted my viewpoint on "loss" immensely. Thomson tells her story so that it reads like a novel, but yet has a higher purpose and message. As a military spouse, I admit I was a bit apprehensive about the subject matter of soldier suicide-- but somehow, the author writes about a challenging, dark subject with threads of hope and transformation. It is truly remarkable and a very powerful story. I am recommending this book to anyone who will ever face loss, which really, is everyone in the world. It is a must-read book for military chaplains, pastors, counselors/therapists, military service members training to be CAO (casualty assistance officers) and CNO (casualty notification officers), support group leaders and yes, those who might ever be called to walk alongside someone in a season of grief. I read this book in 26 hours-- and that included a full day of parenting, dissertation homework, and a workout session. Immensely captivating, empowering and authentic. Five stars and then some!
Profile Image for Maria.
37 reviews13 followers
January 20, 2021
The World Looks Different Now by Margaret Thompson

5/⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I think this is the most important book I’ve read in a long while.

Mrs.Thompson writes a thought provoking, courageous memoir. She writes of life and healing after the unimaginable loss of her eldest son. Each chapter speaks to a portion of her own life (and that of her son), in such visual detail that you feel as though she is a close personal friend telling you this story over coffee and tears. There’s a real transparency to this memoir that makes it feel raw, and your heartaches for the family.

The World Looks Different Now is a book that needs to be read by everyone willing to read it. I think I’ll remember the Thompson family’s story for the rest of my life.

Thank you to @margaretrileythomson for the gifted copy.
Profile Image for Nana.
920 reviews16 followers
May 23, 2020
I received an ARC from NetGalley for an honest review. I have heard about soldiers committing suicide but Margaret Thomson shares her story of her son Kieran who was twenty-two-years-old and a medic in the army, who took his life.
There was a lot I didn't realize before reading this book. Margaret Thomson shared her story and shined a light on many issues that people face today. It is a story that I wished never happened but it is a story that happens way too often so bringing awareness might make a difference. After reading the book I understand more and I understand the title, The World Looks Different Now. Not having been through what she and her family went through, the world looks different now to me because I am more aware of what goes on.
2 reviews
August 6, 2020
A thoughtful and courageous memoir


I highly recommend this book. A story that has to be told — Margaret Thomson does an incredible job painting the picture of life and healing after the unimaginable loss of her son. Like you are sitting across the kitchen table from her, the author’s voice carries emotion and honesty throughout each chapter. Thomson’s writing is exquisite and engaging — touching on grief and guilt in such a way that brought me newfound understanding of the deeply personal journey that is losing one’s child. This memoir immerses the reader in this reality that is unfamiliar to most and speaks to the various agonizing circumstances that Thomson and her family were placed in. I think many will find this book to be filled with unforgettable and invaluable lessons.
1 review
September 7, 2020
This look into the grief of a mother, as well as an entire family, in the aftermath of her son’s suicide is stellar. It is a poignant account of a mother being distraught by a shocking tragedy. This coupled with the unanswered questions everywhere she turned makes this an authentic portrayal of the aftermath of suicide & government bureaucracy. The author is so vulnerable & relates her concern for her son entering the military since she did not feel he possessed the coping mechanisms to be in such a mentally brutal environment. Even though parents may voice concerns many times adult children feel they know best even if their life experiences may be limited. Despite this hardship the author finds hope through it all. This book is a must read by everyone!
Profile Image for Lynn McLaughlin.
Author 7 books61 followers
September 4, 2020
The World Looks Different Now by Margaret Thomson hit very close to home for me as a reader and a mother. The majority of people I know are connected to someone who is struggling with their mental health. It is a growing crisis and Margaret has written this book for many reasons after tragically losing her son to suicide. She courageously shares her life with us in a way where we feel we are right there beside her, through the joyful moments and the heartache. Her story is also courageous and bold as we move with her through grief and determination while she fights to find answers. Margaret brilliantly makes connections for those who are in pain as a result of this pandemic.
1 review1 follower
June 24, 2020
This book is a well written, honest, loving and heartfelt memoir. It is a book of a difficult, painful and sorrowful journey, but also a book which offers encouragement and hope to others, who also are learning to come to terms with the suicide death of their loved ones. Even if you have not experienced the death of a loved one through suicide, this book will offer insights and a perspective that may help you better understand the depths of grief, the angst, the frustrations with institutions, etc. that she and others have to go through. I highly recommend this book.
1 review
July 21, 2020

Losing a son to suicide. How can a parent make it through that grief.

Margaret Thomson uses her skills as a journalist to discover and chronicle events around her son’s death, not long before he was to be deployed to Afghanistan as a medic. Her writing style provides rich details that describe a series of bureaucratic nightmares that plunged her into despair, and the many paths she had to take to try to make sense of that despair.

The result is a story of resilience, family, and hope, a story I had to complete in one sitting. The ending is especially powerful.
Profile Image for Cristie Underwood.
2,270 reviews64 followers
July 15, 2020
Warning: This is one that will make you cry. The author's journey of trying to understand her son's suicide is filled with roadblocks, such as the rules the military makes them adhere to, along with other things due to their son being a medic in Army. As I read this, my heart broke as Margaret tried to get answers as to why her son decided to end his life. Suicide affects the people left behind and the author was brave to share her story.
Profile Image for thereshegoeswithanotherbook.
186 reviews12 followers
October 27, 2020
Thank you to the author, Margaret Thomson , for my complimentary copy!. This will be a book that will be hard , for a lot , of readers to read . I say that , because, of the triggers throughout the story . However it , is a book that should be given a chance . It , is a beautifully written novel. If you want a book that will and will leave an impact, for awhile look no more !.

☆☆☆

I liked it , and I recommend it at least once , to see for yourself, if you would like it or not !
Profile Image for Peggy.
16 reviews
Read
July 20, 2020
This was a heart wrenching book to read, but I’m so glad I did. The courage it took to tell this story so honestly and openly will help others who might find themselves on a similar journey as well as those who just need to know what to do and say to friends who might experience the loss of a child or family member to suicide. I highly recommend this book as it is truly a work of love.
Profile Image for Jen.
485 reviews18 followers
August 30, 2020
Nothing hurts more to a mother than losing her beloved child. Margaret didn't only open her heart on this memoir, but she showed us the true meaning of love and strength of a mother. I am deeply saddened, inspired, and admiring Margaret’s journey. The road wasn't easy, but she took on it like a true warrior.
2 reviews1 follower
August 5, 2020
Margaret Thomson tells her story with total honesty and transparency. The steps she finally was able to take toward healing can be an example to many of us who are struggling after experiencing the untimely loss of someone dear to us
71 reviews
November 12, 2023
Really “REAL” book for someone who’s lost someone to suicide. Some memoirs seem less personalized…not this one. Would definitely recommend!
1 review
August 28, 2020
Through unimaginable loss, resiliency prevails, however long that may take.
What a well written, absorbing and fast read. And how courageous and honest the author is expressing personal lose. This heartbreaking Memoir includes so much frustration regarding lack of communication...quite amazing!
I highly recommend reading.
Profile Image for Diane Callahan.
2 reviews
October 20, 2020
This is so well written. And how difficult it must have been to tell this story. It is inspirational and poignant. Having lost a son at age 27, this gives support and hope.
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