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Rainbow Diner: a memoir
Rainbow Diner is the true story of how siblings Astrid and Benny handle an unorthodox, bicoastal childhood raised in turn by a saucy, larger-than-life gay father in New York, and an unpredictable, uninhibited hippie mother in California.
Dad was all about martinis, dancing and getting laid. Mother saved black widow spiders and the homeless. Brother Benny was Astrid’s immutable compass. He kept a straight face, his eyes glazed. All Benny wanted was to stay in one place.
With all hell breaking loose, will Astrid and her beloved little brother navigate the ’70s and ’80s and survive childhood?
Dad was all about martinis, dancing and getting laid. Mother saved black widow spiders and the homeless. Brother Benny was Astrid’s immutable compass. He kept a straight face, his eyes glazed. All Benny wanted was to stay in one place.
With all hell breaking loose, will Astrid and her beloved little brother navigate the ’70s and ’80s and survive childhood?
408 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 18, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
June 28, 2022
This was a lot to take in. It was a relatable tale, really. It’s about a girl and her brother growing up in the 1970’s & 1980’s when being a male homosexual was not accepted and free love and drugs were all around.
Astrid was 5 in 1974 and her brother Benny was 2. Astrid’s mom and adopted dad split up and eventually ended up on complete opposite ends of the country - dad in New York and mom in San Francisco. Dad was gay and fabulously flashy, Mom was a moody (extreme ups and downs) free-spirited-pot-smoking-hippie.
Astrid and Ben lived with Mom during the school year and then with Dad for the 3-month summer. The children had 2 completely different lives twice a year and never felt settled down, except the connection with each other. The only constant in their lives was their closeness to each other.
Astrid loved her dad something fierce. She was closer to him than anyone and he treated her like she was the most beautiful person in the world. She was his doll and model and “was better at being a girl than a girl.”
I don’t think I’ll ever forget what Astrid thought about her mother after she saw her mom with a few different men. Astrid wrote, “It seemed that the kissing and the holding hands, and everything else that goes along with being a couple, must be easily interchangeable from one man to the next.”
After reading that I thought about that for awhile and how I relate to that because I remember my constant need of being accepted by men and how I thought in order to be somebody I have to have a boyfriend and then everything will be ok and I can be normal. That stemmed from growing up with just my mother (dad left when I was 2) and her always having a different lover. I never thought about it until this book.
Toward the end of the book, Astrid wrote,
“My mother will be sixty-four this year, but she’s still thinking about who she wants to be when she grows up—she’s still coming of age, she’s still searching for clues as to who she really is. This trip to the Rabbi is par for the course for my mother, a quest to redefine herself once again.”
Her mother had constantly changing moods. Sometimes she’d be so happy that the kids would make her laugh over silly things, but the kids would never know if today was the day she’d laugh or the day she’d scream or the day she’d sleep all day. Her mom complained about how she does things for everyone else, but never does anything for herself. To me, I’d say her mom was pretty dang selfish and only thought of herself. I recognize this because my mom is the same way and always manipulating and playing on my sympathy and lack of self-confidence.
I am so impressed how Astrid was able to remember so many details about her childhood. I grew up with a brother who is 3 years older than me and I feel like the only thing in my life that remained the same was him. I remember bits and pieces of my childhood, but there is a thick wall built up so high that in order for things to be triggered out of my memories, they have to come out in dreams. I remember being molested by several different men at different points in my life and with a few it happened more than a several times; however, as time goes by I don’t remember that as vividly.
So, this book is about Astrid’s growing up, not mine, but at the same time it was about me and I’m sure a lot of people that read this are thinking the same thing.
Those Boomers sure did a number on us Gen X’ers!! At least I feel better that someone got it out in writing and still made it out alive and “normal”.
Astrid was 5 in 1974 and her brother Benny was 2. Astrid’s mom and adopted dad split up and eventually ended up on complete opposite ends of the country - dad in New York and mom in San Francisco. Dad was gay and fabulously flashy, Mom was a moody (extreme ups and downs) free-spirited-pot-smoking-hippie.
Astrid and Ben lived with Mom during the school year and then with Dad for the 3-month summer. The children had 2 completely different lives twice a year and never felt settled down, except the connection with each other. The only constant in their lives was their closeness to each other.
Astrid loved her dad something fierce. She was closer to him than anyone and he treated her like she was the most beautiful person in the world. She was his doll and model and “was better at being a girl than a girl.”
I don’t think I’ll ever forget what Astrid thought about her mother after she saw her mom with a few different men. Astrid wrote, “It seemed that the kissing and the holding hands, and everything else that goes along with being a couple, must be easily interchangeable from one man to the next.”
After reading that I thought about that for awhile and how I relate to that because I remember my constant need of being accepted by men and how I thought in order to be somebody I have to have a boyfriend and then everything will be ok and I can be normal. That stemmed from growing up with just my mother (dad left when I was 2) and her always having a different lover. I never thought about it until this book.
Toward the end of the book, Astrid wrote,
“My mother will be sixty-four this year, but she’s still thinking about who she wants to be when she grows up—she’s still coming of age, she’s still searching for clues as to who she really is. This trip to the Rabbi is par for the course for my mother, a quest to redefine herself once again.”
Her mother had constantly changing moods. Sometimes she’d be so happy that the kids would make her laugh over silly things, but the kids would never know if today was the day she’d laugh or the day she’d scream or the day she’d sleep all day. Her mom complained about how she does things for everyone else, but never does anything for herself. To me, I’d say her mom was pretty dang selfish and only thought of herself. I recognize this because my mom is the same way and always manipulating and playing on my sympathy and lack of self-confidence.
I am so impressed how Astrid was able to remember so many details about her childhood. I grew up with a brother who is 3 years older than me and I feel like the only thing in my life that remained the same was him. I remember bits and pieces of my childhood, but there is a thick wall built up so high that in order for things to be triggered out of my memories, they have to come out in dreams. I remember being molested by several different men at different points in my life and with a few it happened more than a several times; however, as time goes by I don’t remember that as vividly.
So, this book is about Astrid’s growing up, not mine, but at the same time it was about me and I’m sure a lot of people that read this are thinking the same thing.
Those Boomers sure did a number on us Gen X’ers!! At least I feel better that someone got it out in writing and still made it out alive and “normal”.
June 23, 2020
Fascinating Read
This book was a pleasure to read and is a beautifully written story which is told from the heart.
You are transported back into the 70´s and 80´s when Astrid and Benny were young and growing up. Fascinating upbringing with quirky parents who are divorced and live in completely separate worlds. Spending term time with Mother and holidays with Father who in their own ways are talented people.
Her adoration of her flamboyant Father and the pain when leaving him to fly back to Mother. Although she loved her Mother Astrid longed for her Father. In all of this her one constant is Benny her Brother and her love for him shines through, an invisible bond that is unbreakable.
Astrid´s words jumped out at you and pulled you into her story, she wrote with honesty about difficult subjects, subjects which were often taboo in many households and skirted around.
There were good times, bad times, happy and sad times and yes I was equal parts happy and sad, I also worried for them. I wanted to wrap them up in big hugs and shower them with love and affection.
Thank you Astrid and I look forward to reading your sequel.
This book was a pleasure to read and is a beautifully written story which is told from the heart.
You are transported back into the 70´s and 80´s when Astrid and Benny were young and growing up. Fascinating upbringing with quirky parents who are divorced and live in completely separate worlds. Spending term time with Mother and holidays with Father who in their own ways are talented people.
Her adoration of her flamboyant Father and the pain when leaving him to fly back to Mother. Although she loved her Mother Astrid longed for her Father. In all of this her one constant is Benny her Brother and her love for him shines through, an invisible bond that is unbreakable.
Astrid´s words jumped out at you and pulled you into her story, she wrote with honesty about difficult subjects, subjects which were often taboo in many households and skirted around.
There were good times, bad times, happy and sad times and yes I was equal parts happy and sad, I also worried for them. I wanted to wrap them up in big hugs and shower them with love and affection.
Thank you Astrid and I look forward to reading your sequel.
July 23, 2020
Chaotic upbringing
What amazed me with this memoir was the author’s depth of recollection. The vivid memories encapsulated throughout made this a book to remember. Even days after reading it, specific episodes kept coming back to me.
Astrid and her brother Benny split their time between separated parents; a mother with wild mood swings who lived in San Francisco, and her flamboyant gay father in New York.
It was far from an ordinary childhood, full of constant change. The young children flew from coast to coast every few months and attended various schools with no continuity in teaching methods or discipline.
Hippy influences dominated the time with their mother in San Francisco. AIDS had a huge impact on their father’s life while they were in New York.
Thrown into this confusing melting pot of experiences, the siblings grew up fast and learned to cope. I marvelled at how the author survived this chaotic upbringing to find normality in later life.
This is a very well-written book, and I recommend it to those who enjoy reading childhood experiences.
What amazed me with this memoir was the author’s depth of recollection. The vivid memories encapsulated throughout made this a book to remember. Even days after reading it, specific episodes kept coming back to me.
Astrid and her brother Benny split their time between separated parents; a mother with wild mood swings who lived in San Francisco, and her flamboyant gay father in New York.
It was far from an ordinary childhood, full of constant change. The young children flew from coast to coast every few months and attended various schools with no continuity in teaching methods or discipline.
Hippy influences dominated the time with their mother in San Francisco. AIDS had a huge impact on their father’s life while they were in New York.
Thrown into this confusing melting pot of experiences, the siblings grew up fast and learned to cope. I marvelled at how the author survived this chaotic upbringing to find normality in later life.
This is a very well-written book, and I recommend it to those who enjoy reading childhood experiences.
June 7, 2020
A fabulous, colourful true story
This book transports you back to the 1970s and early ’80s in America as you grow up with Astrid and her younger brother, Benny, and their dysfunctional and separate parents. This is a thoughtful, and thought-provoking memoir, full of life and experiences from the perspective of a young child growing up with a gay father and alternative-lifestyle mother. They certainly gave their children a different start in life to that of most parents, and it was fascinating to read how well the author, even as quite a young child, manages to view her experiences and upbringing. At times harrowing, yet also uplifting, this is ultimately a story of survival and family. Well worth a read.
This book transports you back to the 1970s and early ’80s in America as you grow up with Astrid and her younger brother, Benny, and their dysfunctional and separate parents. This is a thoughtful, and thought-provoking memoir, full of life and experiences from the perspective of a young child growing up with a gay father and alternative-lifestyle mother. They certainly gave their children a different start in life to that of most parents, and it was fascinating to read how well the author, even as quite a young child, manages to view her experiences and upbringing. At times harrowing, yet also uplifting, this is ultimately a story of survival and family. Well worth a read.
December 16, 2019
Wonderful memoir
This was a fun book to read. The people are interesting and colorful and damaged. Childhood for Astrid was a series of changes, upsets, contrasts and upheavals. There was also a lot of love.
This was a fun book to read. The people are interesting and colorful and damaged. Childhood for Astrid was a series of changes, upsets, contrasts and upheavals. There was also a lot of love.
March 8, 2020
Couldn’t Put It Down
This story sucked me right in and I felt like I was growing up right alongside Astrid and her brother. There were a couple of people in the book I would like to punch in the face! The details were engaging and I’m looking forward to more writing from this author.
This story sucked me right in and I felt like I was growing up right alongside Astrid and her brother. There were a couple of people in the book I would like to punch in the face! The details were engaging and I’m looking forward to more writing from this author.
October 16, 2020
It's a tragic story of an overcomer. I'm encouraged that both she and her brother turned out so well despite a very difficult childhood. I can see my own story of a free spirited parent in the story line and think she best sums it up when she says, I think that our parent meant well in their hearts they just didn't realize that sometimes they were driving with no headlights."
February 6, 2020
Unbelievably raw, soft and humble
I felt as if I were part of Astrid’s childhood- walking beside her down the streets of New York and feeling the sea breeze of the California coast. It’s as if I could smell the greasy pants of Mr. Perez and hear the music at Ones. I highly recommend this treasure of words that will transform your heart, mind and soul.
I felt as if I were part of Astrid’s childhood- walking beside her down the streets of New York and feeling the sea breeze of the California coast. It’s as if I could smell the greasy pants of Mr. Perez and hear the music at Ones. I highly recommend this treasure of words that will transform your heart, mind and soul.
August 1, 2022
amazing
I absolutely couldn’t put this book down. It was always, I’ll just read one more chapter. Thank you Astrid for sharing your life with us.
I absolutely couldn’t put this book down. It was always, I’ll just read one more chapter. Thank you Astrid for sharing your life with us.
November 18, 2019
Ms. Arlen, write more books.
I found myself by turns tickled, worried, horrified and at all times engrossed in this memoir. The author's parents were both gifted, talented, loving, wounded humans who made many special moments for them and many painful ones.
Finding the grace to forgive our parents is the only way we will ever be able to truly appreciate who they were and how much, indeed, they loved us.
I found myself by turns tickled, worried, horrified and at all times engrossed in this memoir. The author's parents were both gifted, talented, loving, wounded humans who made many special moments for them and many painful ones.
Finding the grace to forgive our parents is the only way we will ever be able to truly appreciate who they were and how much, indeed, they loved us.
December 12, 2019
This proved to be a good read. I can't say I enjoyed it; in many ways it was disturbing. As a look into how some kids grew up it's very good.
March 21, 2020
I wanted to love this, but....
Unfortunately, the seemingly never ending adoration for her father came across as almost lustful at times and the weirdness of attempting to turn her brother into a “sister” just was so off putting to me. I know people, and life, are weird...I come from a weird upbringing myself, but I never got past feeling “icky” while reading this book. My apologies to the author.
Unfortunately, the seemingly never ending adoration for her father came across as almost lustful at times and the weirdness of attempting to turn her brother into a “sister” just was so off putting to me. I know people, and life, are weird...I come from a weird upbringing myself, but I never got past feeling “icky” while reading this book. My apologies to the author.
December 31, 2021
It seems as if everyone has some type of hardship or dysfunction in their family or their childhood. Astrid and little brother Ben grew up in conditions that seem extreme, but really it was their parents that were extreme. In spite of having to share a bedroom, sleeping on a foam mattress on the floor, moving almost every year and having to fly from NY to CA every year, many times alone, the children were loved, and they knew it.
In Rainbow Diner we learn about all the big and little hurts Astrid (and Benny) endure at the hands of their parents and as a result of moving and not being properly schooled. Their dad, to whom Astrid is fiercely attached, is a flamboyant gay man who says the most outrageous things. When the kids are with him, they live in little basement apartments. He takes them to discos and Bloomingdales and buys extravagant, buying Astrid designer clothing. When with their loving but hippie type mother, who is somewhat insecure, flighty and occasionally easy to anger, the kids go to the beach and eat wheatgrass and health foods. Their mother has to pinch pennies. Astrid learns quickly that she better plan to buy school clothing and not just summer shorts while with her dad in the New York heat if she doesn't want to wear the same tight jumpsuit to school and be teased by the stylish California kids. The first thing their father does when it's his turn to have the kids is to take them out for a healthy meal of McDonalds. The kids devour their hamburger and fries.
It's not until seeing her cherished dad at the end of his life, with her young sons in tow that Astrid realizes the harm his snide comments can have on a child. I'm sure writing this was a discovery and healing.
In Rainbow Diner we learn about all the big and little hurts Astrid (and Benny) endure at the hands of their parents and as a result of moving and not being properly schooled. Their dad, to whom Astrid is fiercely attached, is a flamboyant gay man who says the most outrageous things. When the kids are with him, they live in little basement apartments. He takes them to discos and Bloomingdales and buys extravagant, buying Astrid designer clothing. When with their loving but hippie type mother, who is somewhat insecure, flighty and occasionally easy to anger, the kids go to the beach and eat wheatgrass and health foods. Their mother has to pinch pennies. Astrid learns quickly that she better plan to buy school clothing and not just summer shorts while with her dad in the New York heat if she doesn't want to wear the same tight jumpsuit to school and be teased by the stylish California kids. The first thing their father does when it's his turn to have the kids is to take them out for a healthy meal of McDonalds. The kids devour their hamburger and fries.
It's not until seeing her cherished dad at the end of his life, with her young sons in tow that Astrid realizes the harm his snide comments can have on a child. I'm sure writing this was a discovery and healing.
June 1, 2020
I found this book fascinating inasmuch as I lived in San Francisco during the time of the AIDS epidemic, and in New York, so the real life story had much I recognised and/or identified with. Arlen gave her story so much atmosphere, all of it ringing true to me. What a difficult youth she had! My heart goes out to her. Her character portrayals leapt off the pages with authenticity. I could see her conflicts regarding her father and mother. Very well explained; I loved how she handled all of that. I thought she wrapped up her tale brilliantly and, again, quite evocatively. I couldn't rate it more than 4 stars, to my regret, because I was constantly finding grammatical errors. It appears that she didn't have an editor go through the book. It became annoying to be brought up sharp constantly by an error ("I" instead of "me" for example) which spoiled the flow in the reading for me. I know people speak ungrammatically much of the time these days, but when reading the book, it became quite distracting for me. Overall, though, well done to Astrid Arlen.
October 27, 2022
Fantastic Book
I loved this book and here is why....the author is gifted at using words to describe a place, an emotion, a thought. I could easily visualize every part of her story. The book is relatable in so many ways yet unique enough to be interesting. I found the author to be refreshingly honest and realistic, so much that at times my heart ached for the characters. There were many times I didn't want to put the book down, it was that good. If you enjoy memoirs do yourself a favor and read Rainbow Diner, you'll be glad you did.
I loved this book and here is why....the author is gifted at using words to describe a place, an emotion, a thought. I could easily visualize every part of her story. The book is relatable in so many ways yet unique enough to be interesting. I found the author to be refreshingly honest and realistic, so much that at times my heart ached for the characters. There were many times I didn't want to put the book down, it was that good. If you enjoy memoirs do yourself a favor and read Rainbow Diner, you'll be glad you did.
February 18, 2022
wonderful book
The only two things that bothered me in the book were choice of words. If “Benny and I” form the object of the sentence, then it should be “Benny and me”. There were many instances of this. Also, there were a few instances where “passed” should be “past”. Other than those, I loved the book.
The only two things that bothered me in the book were choice of words. If “Benny and I” form the object of the sentence, then it should be “Benny and me”. There were many instances of this. Also, there were a few instances where “passed” should be “past”. Other than those, I loved the book.
June 4, 2026
Unique childhood
Astrid reviews her life with freestyle parenting of the 70's. Her mother remarried and life continues till her parents separates and her adopted father comes out way. School year with her mother in California and summer in NYC with her adopted father and family relatives. It's an interesting story in a time of turmoil.
Astrid reviews her life with freestyle parenting of the 70's. Her mother remarried and life continues till her parents separates and her adopted father comes out way. School year with her mother in California and summer in NYC with her adopted father and family relatives. It's an interesting story in a time of turmoil.
April 23, 2021
An excellent memoir of growing up in the 70's and 80's as the child of divorced parents, a free-spirit mother and a gay father. Quite enjoyed the read.
September 19, 2021
Entertaining
This story was well-written and enjoyable. Although it did have parts that were sad, for the most part, it was rather funny.
This story was well-written and enjoyable. Although it did have parts that were sad, for the most part, it was rather funny.
September 19, 2021
A touching, troubled story
This was a great memoir. Lots of ups and downs in this family. It was very well written and only took a few days to read. It kept my interest throughout.
This was a great memoir. Lots of ups and downs in this family. It was very well written and only took a few days to read. It kept my interest throughout.
November 23, 2021
My heart went out to the author from chapter one. When she mentioned she was in counseling it was a big clue about the turbulent chapters ahead. Astrid and her brother Ben had very little stability throughout their childhoods. The writing style in this book was excellent and the story was gripping.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews