Full Circle Parenting: A Guide for Crucial Conversations

by Jimmy Scroggins, Kristin Scroggins, Leslee Bennett

Parenting isn’t for wimps. It's not just the routines, schedules, discipline, and heartaches—it's the hard conversations. One of the greatest challenges of parenting is navigating the crucial conversations that we must have with our kids.  Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins have been married for more than twenty five years and have eight children. Jimmy pastors a church in South Florida. They’ve had plenty of crucial conversations in their lives—not only with their own children, but with parents who are scared and seeking wisdom. They know they have to find a way to have those tough conversations from a biblical perspective and a distinctly Christian worldview, but they don’t know how. If you’re like these parents, Full Circle Parenting was written for you. Using the 3 Circles gospel tool (God’s design; brokenness; gospel), Jimmy and Kristin will give you a “conversation map” to work through any tough conversations you have with your children, and will show you how it works with the following topics and  

Genres: Parenting, Christian Living

240 pages, Hardcover

First published April 20, 2021

Reviews

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could not recommend this book more. Not only do the authors seem genuine and heartfelt in both their parenting and their writing, but they also cover topics that are oftentimes so difficult for parents to talk to their kids about. It took me a while to get through the book, only because I was digesting it in pieces along the way. Each "crucial conversation" came with lots of real life examples as well as a sample conversation, but most importantly a gospel message of redemption in each conversation. Wow.
And the conversations I was looking forward to (or thought I needed) the most were good, don't get me wrong. But it was actually some of the conversations that I didn't expect to get as much out of (forgiveness and siblings/friendships) were the ones that hit me the hardest. They were things I wasn't specifically seeking out when I picked up this book, but the points made spoke to me in such deep ways that I wasn't even expecting or didn't even know I needed.
And that what happens with the best books, am I right?

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is quite possibly the most practical and helpful book on parenting that I’ve ever read. It gives a framework to apply to almost any conversation you can imagine in parenting that provides a clear roadmap for both parents and kids. Definitely a book I’ve highlighted and will reference again and again.

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full Circle Parenting is based off of the 3 circles evangelism tool. If you’re not familiar with that, it is a way of sharing the basics of the gospel story by using a diagram of three circles: 1) God’s design 2) Brokenness and 3) Restoration. In this book, parents are encouraged to keep this framework in mind as we engage in “crucial conversations” with our kids. Topics covered in this book include sexuality, technology, substance abuse, and friendship. While sample conversations are included, this book is less a step-by-step how-to manual for every possible scenario and more a guide to help parents think intentionally about communicating to our children the goodness of God’s design.

Some notable quotes that I appreciated:

“Parenting is challenging because there are no fail-safe parenting formulas. If it were as simple as A2 + B2 = C2, then everyone would eventually figure it out. But parenting doesn’t work like that. There are no formulas to help us solve parenting problems. Rather than a formula, we need a guide—a guide to help us work through crucial conversations with our kids. This is what the 3 Circles is designed to do.”

“Our child is taking a risk every time they bring hard-to-handle topics to us, and we want to encourage them to keep doing so.”

“We want to parent in such a way that our children feel safe coming to us to confess when they have messed up. We want them to feel safe because they know we will readily forgive. They need to know that our love doesn’t hinge on their behavior.”

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the advanced review copy.

[Conrade Yap · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the most challenging life events is none other than parenting. Kids try parents in so many different ways. When young, they wear down parents physically. When they get into trouble, they create headaches. When they do not do their homework or necessary chores, the parents would have to either discipline them or show them tough love. When they turn teenagers, their emotional changes could drive parents up the wall. Yet, there are plenty of rewards for bringing up children. They give us joy and lots of memorable moments. Like what Proverbs 29:17 teach us, "Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire." Indeed, parenting requires a full range of skills that include discipline, devotion, dedication, determination, and delight. They are given to us for a reason and this reason is to love them well, that they may also love others well. Parenting is not for wimps. Well said. For there are no "fail-safe" methods. Neither are there easy equations to fill or formulas to follow. Most parents learn on the job. They experience the highs and lows. They encounter different behaviors at different times. They frequently need help at critical junctures of their children's growth. The authors of this book are experienced parents willing to share with us a guide to facilitate better communications and conversations with our children. Called the "3-Circles" tool, it helps parents initiate, navigate, interact, and sustain crucial conversations with their kids.

Circle #1: God's Design to remind us that we have been created for a purpose
Circle #2: Brokenness to show us how sin had damaged the world and the way we live
Circle #3: Gospel that redeems us and gives us hope that the good and righteous life is possible.

Time and again, the authors reiterate that parenting is not a formula but an opportunity to wisely bring up children. If parenting could be reduced to simple "right values, perspectives, and techniques," and together with all the right attitudes, life will truly be much easier. Unfortunately, parenting is like an ocean of possibilities and even the most well-equipped ship will be vulnerable to unpredictable weather conditions. The best way ahead is to stay biblical, remembering the need to acquire and apply biblical wisdom, with God's help. The key emphasis is that we need God's wisdom and Word to guide us, and not become overly dependent on worldly knowledge and human wisdom. The Bible is much better equipped to help us deal with "off-script" moments. Moreover, when we recognize that there are many complexities in life that are beyond our comprehension, it keeps us humble, that we can learn. Relationships are complex, and with people of complex backgrounds trying to interact, the whole combination could be most challenging. The authors then apply this model to various situations surrounding gender, sexuality, marriage, technology, alcohol and substance abuse, friendship, bitterness, and so on. On each topic, we are introduced to God's design, followed by the brokenness because of sin, and the way the gospel redeems. They even share tips on how to deal with people who are not "committed to God's Design."

My Thoughts
===============
Initially, I thought the book would cover topics on how to parent children and young adults. Gradually, I realize that takes a more apologetics angle, using the three-circles model to explain the need for wholesome conversations. I suppose that is the way it was intended as the book is about "crucial conversations" that parents need to have with their children. The urgency is high because more of our children are exposed constantly to the ways of the world. Anyone who thinks that the Scroggins had overdone their emphasis on the Bible or gospel need to think again. The world has already done more than the same thing in throwing all kinds of information at our children. Take sexuality for example. The government, schools, and many public institutions are telling largely a lopsided view of the sexuality matter. It is high time to take back the mike from time to time to provide our children a biblical perspective. Our children are at risk. With the ease of technology and the increasing autonomy given to young children, the time is short and urgent for parents to teach their kids in the way they should go. Lest they turn away from the Lord.

Many parents depend on Sunday School teachers at Church to provide Christian teaching for their children. This is a dangerously inadequate approach. Given that our children are exposed to the world almost seven days a week, just an hour at Church once a week hardly seems sufficient. This book equips parents (even teachers) to deal with common topics mentioned above. The authors ask an interesting question: "Will the next generation know God?" Instead of letting our guilt haunt us in the future, parents ought to constantly equip themselves with knowledge and skills to strike up and sustain good conversations with children. This book certainly provides us some good resources to do just that. For the uninitiated, the authors also provide "sample guides" on how we can conduct such conversations.

One thing that the Scroggins could have expanded on is how to deal with objections that children might pose. The older they get, they would argue, talkback, or even dumb down the Bible. That also means that parents will need to learn not only the what's of conversations but also the hows.

Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins have been married for 26 years and have 8 children – James (Reilly), Daniel (Mary-Madison), Jeremiah, Isaac, Stephen, Anna Kate, Mary Claire, and Caleb. They have served at Family Church since Jimmy became the lead pastor in July 2008. Under Jimmy’s leadership, Family Church has grown to a network of neighborhood churches in South Florida. The Scroggins family is passionate about Family Church’s mission to build families by helping them discover and pursue God’s design.

Rating: 4.25 stars of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of B&H Publishing and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

[Jason Kolar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pastor Jimmy is my pastor! So I obviously come to this review biased. But I hope my biasedness can show you that Pastor Jimmy and his wife Kristen are the real deal. I've gone on multiple trips with a bunch of their kids and I can say they are some of the most respectful people I've ever met. So, when I heard they were writing this I was obviously thrilled. They don't just write about it, they live it.

This book is a great resource for parents to talk through challenging topics with their kids. They don't write to impress you with their profound and unique thoughts. They don't write so eloquently you wish you could write like them. They write in a way that is simple, and clear. So don't go into this expecting to be blown away by unique thoughts, but rather be blown away by the simple truths we find in scripture that will radically change the way you parent your children.

[Ryan Gant · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is full of sound advice and encouragement to parents and for parents. Overall, it’s to be prepared to have gospel-centered conversations with your kids about a variety of topics. This is definitely a book I will come back to many times as my children grow older and I seek to be the best parent I can be for them.

[Sanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book that any parent wished they had read. It was very eye opening on how to start some.conversation with your children. I would recoment for.every parent to read this

[Ietrio · Rating 1 out of 5]

the fundamentalist crap that brought half the psichological problems of today, the half that does not originate in birth defects, or short: how to be raise good slaves for the cesar.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this refreshingly realistic book, Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins explain why formulaic approaches to parenting almost always end in disappointment and frustration, and they provide an adaptable, big-picture alternative. Instead of promoting a specific formula, they take a conversation-based approach to issues, showing how parents can apply the "three circles" of the gospel (God's design, brokenness, and redemption) to a variety of different issues that families face. They share anecdotes from their own family life, explain Scriptural principles and passages, and provide example conversations to model how parents can discuss some major, complex issues with their children.

General Approach

This book is especially powerful because of the authors' understanding of how complex people are. In addition to talking about how individual children's personalities and needs vary, they also address children's complex behavior, explaining that with their own children, they often wondered which version of a child was their "real kid." One of their kids was passionate for missions and a compulsive liar, and honoring complexity meant seeing the child as a whole, rather than thinking that one side of the child was fake. They encourage parents to recognize their children's and their own complexity, to build strong relational bridges, and to surround their children with other mature leaders and mentors who will support the family along the way.

The Scroggins do a great job of sharing specific, personal examples while also honoring their children's privacy. They have eight children, which makes it easier to maintain each one's anonymity, but I admire how they shared humbling, real-life struggles without publicly shaming their kids. The Scroggins write with sensitivity to their children's complexity and life struggles, and through their honesty, they show other parents that yes, your kids will do foolish, sinful, and destructive things at times, and it's okay to be honest with yourself and the church about the struggles that you're facing. They never pretend to have it all together, and also write with sensitivity to blended families, single parent families, and parents with dysfunctional pasts.

Practical Concerns

The chapters on major life issues cover gender, sexuality, and marriage, technology, alcohol, and substance abuse, bitterness, forgiveness, and restoration, and friendship and mean kids. Each chapter is realistic, calm, and matter-of-fact, and the Scroggins share practical ideas for navigating tough conversations and situations. I especially appreciated the chapter about resentment and forgiveness, because they address emotional struggles with deep sensitivity and establish clear guardrails for what forgiveness does not mean. They make it clear that forgiveness is "both an event and a process," and that it does not require remaining vulnerable to someone or releasing them from the "social, relational, financial, or legal ramifications of their actions." However, even though I expected the chapter about friendship and mean kids to be just as clear and helpful, I found it disappointing.

That chapter mostly focuses on sibling relationships, and even though it includes great advice for big families, this should have been a separate chapter. It majorly cuts into the material about friendships outside the home, and the part about dealing with mean kids is very weak. The Scroggins share their guidelines for their sons about when and how to escalate to physical aggression to make someone back down, but even though they acknowledge other parents' misgivings and say that they would never advise this for their girls, they never follow up with an alternative plan. The chapter ends soon after this, without any concrete advice for how kids can deal with emotional and relational mistreatment. Since bullying is such a huge issue, I was surprised and disappointed that the chapter didn't address dynamics for girls or provide a sample plan for dealing with conflict and bullying in a non-physical way.

Conclusion

The best thing about this book is the paradigm shift that it offers. The Scroggins equip parents to leave behind fear-based, formulaic parenting approaches, and instead of promising God's blessing or success for a particular methodology, they show parents how they can apply the concepts of the gospel to daily life, seeking God's design and pursuing redemption for our real-life, inevitable brokenness. This book reassures parents that every family is messed up at some level, that a child's bad behavior doesn't necessarily reflect on their parents or guarantee a bad future, and that parents can respond to tense, overwhelming issues through a reliable gospel lens. Even when parents disagree with the Scroggins' particular examples or practical suggestions, they can derive the necessary conversation tools from this book to become more thoughtful, compassionate, and persuasive in their specific context.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Mark Warnock · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don't think of this as a parenting book. It is, but it's really much more. I don't have kids, but I found it incredibly valuable because it's a book on shepherding, on disciple making, on handling emotions, on human nature, on how the gospel speaks to all of life, on having challenging conversations, and much more. Jimmy and Kristin's counsel in this book is wise, experienced, realistic, hopeful, and unfailingly practical and helpful.

I confess some bias--I work at Family Church, so Jimmy is my boss and my pastor. I've had moments with some of his kids in the context of ministry together, so I've seen the product of his and Kristin's parenting; not as closely as some have, but close enough. The Scroggins kids are not perfect, but they are emotionally, morally, and spiritually well-formed, which makes them stand out starkly from many of their peers. In the book they say that the proof of their parenting will be seen in their grandkids, and so the jury is still out--but I've seen enough to recommend that parents listen carefully to Jimmy and Kristin's Bible-soaked insights about how to parent wisely and well.

I personally found a LOT of helpful perspective for disciple-making--because in my experience at least half of disciple making is really re-parenting, as we coach growing believers in managing emotions and relationships and values in challenging contexts. The parallels are immense and go deep.

Highly recommended for parents and other spiritual leaders at any level of responsibility.

[Jacob O'connor · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do I parent a young daughter through bullying?

I enjoyed Jimmy Scroggins advice on bullying. It was pretty close to my creed when I was growing up. I'll bet it was yours too, assuming you were scrappy enough. Scroggins says:

"Here is the formula we teach our younger boys (up through middle school) when it comes to dealing with bullies: Always try to use your words first. Tell the bully to stop whatever it is they are doing. If they don’t stop, say: “If you don’t stop, I will make you stop.” If they still don’t stop, do whatever it takes to stop them. Push them, punch them, kick them, tackle them. Do your best. Only use the minimum amount of force necessary to make your point. If you choose to fight the bully—know he may win the fight. We think it is usually better to resist than to be bullied. Bullies pick on the weak and they don’t like to pay a price. If you push back hard enough, they are likely to move on."

Genuine question. Should I teach my little girl to fight back? Is there a better way for her (Scroggins also advises to avoid the bully when possible. We all know how well that works.)

This was just one topic that resonated with me while reading this surprisingly good guide for parenting. I can definitely recommend it

[Chris MacLeavy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wise and well-equipped parents will try to become fluent in the biblical concepts of God's design for every area of life ahead of time, so that we will be able contextualise each difficult conversation topic our kids bring up. Full Circle Parenting provides practical, street-level theology with real-world examples in areas like gender and sexuality; alcohol and substance abuse; navigating today's technology; and relationship issues.
Parenting isn't for wimps, and this guide to crucial conversations is a valuable addition to any Christian parent's arsenal.

[Ben Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think there's a good framework here but halfway through the book I couldn't remember what it was. I had to go back to the start to refresh my memory because while it was mentioned throughout the book it wasn't clearly redescribed.

The conversations in the book took me out of it as well because they didn't feel like they were real people.

Finally, and I can't stress this enough, Wikipedia, Goodreads and www.inspiringquotes.us never belong in a footnote. Including them rather than the primary sources for quotes felt lazy and a bit of a cop-out.

[Denisa Ostas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives hands-on ideas to approach your kids in sensitive areas such as technology, relationships, sexuality, alcohol.
The christian perspective (god’s design, brokenness and gospel) brings a highlight on the discussions you have in your family. “A sample guide for crucial conversations” found in each chapter gives a useful direction and inspiration for parents.
I would strongly recommend it to school-aged parents.

[Tanya Vought · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is full of encouragement and wonderful advice for parents for their kids/family.

This is a book I know I will come back to again and enjoyed the God centered themes/convos to have with my kids in the future.

If you're looking for a book to learn/ come back to a book that will help you be the best parent/s you can for your kids this is one of those books to grab!!!

*Recv'd a copy via Netgalley and review is my own.*

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

A treasure of wisdom!

This is quite possibly the best parenting book that I have come across. I love that it’s real and honest. And it’s not a checklist of what to do, but guidance on a way to go about doing it. I also love, the real conversational pieces that are added to the end of each chapter. They really help you think through your conversations with your kids, and make them your own. Highly recommend this!

[Maddie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had some good suggestions and ideas. I have always liked the 3 circles method of sharing the Gospel and I liked the application to hard conversations in reminding kids of biblical truth about themselves and others. There were some thoughts and examples in the later chapters I did not 100% agree with.

[Josh G. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful, practical, and rooted in a biblical framework. Lots of great nuggets for some of the hard issues like sexuality, technology, and emotional health. A little cheesy at times, but hey: it’s a (Christian) parenting book and all parents (myself included!) are a little cheesy.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Challenging Christian parenting principles. One to reread when kids grow as well. Ideass to implement now and skills to stick in the back pocket for when kids start having more complex interactions and struggles.

[Emily Perrin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly highly recommend!

[Adriane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good section on siblings being friends

[Andrew Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid gospel truth. Weaves parenting into God’s design, brokenness and gospel; all from one of my favorite families.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure how I feel about this, overall! Need to ruminate & pray on it more!

[Jonathan Beigle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full Circle Parenting was a little surprising to me. I don't know Jimmy Scroggins and I actually thought it was written by Clay Scroggins when I purchased it so when I found I picked a book by the wrong guy, I thought it was going to be a letdown. The book walks through how to talk to your children about things like gender, sexuality, technology, alcohol, friendship, bitterness, etc. While I thought the discussion on each of the topics was very good, the author(s) spent almost no time telling the reader what "Full Circle Parenting" was (really only explaining it in the introduction). I think they should have incorporated that more into the book.

Favorite quotes:
p. 11 - "Our goal is heart transformation, not just behavior modification."
p. 18 - "Wisdom is the most precious gift parents can pass on to their children."
p. 69 - "Marriage exposes our blind spots and our selfishness and our sin in a way that can be extremely humbling. Christian parents should communicate that marriage helps make husbands and wives more like Jesus."
p. 71 - "Children, especially teenagers, are fabulous hypocrisy detectors."
p. 74 - "When our spouse feels wanted and cared for physically, they tend to be more willing to communicate about other things. When our spouse is confident that our love, affection, and admiration are exclusively for the other, we tend to be more confident in every area of our relationship."
p. 91 - "Affluence + Technology + Autonomy = Secret World"
p. 140 - "One thing is for sure: If you don't drink, you will never get drunk. If you don't drink, you will never become an alcoholic."
p. 154 - "We are never more like Jesus than when we forgive others."
p. 222 - "The test of your parenting isn't how your children turn out - it's how your grandchildren turn out. Are you able to parent in such a way that your children are successful in passing God's truths on to their children?"

[Brittany Garrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book I expect to be coming back to. It is full of practical wisdom and rooted in God’s design.

[Jana Kelley]

Recommending by E&SMc

[Jill E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

Very encouraging and inspiring book! Great book for anyone who has children. It's one of those books you will be able to continually read over and over.