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ACT on Life Not on Anger: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Guide to Problem Anger
Drop the Rope in Your Tug-of-War with Anger If you've tried to control problem anger before with little success, this book offers you a fundamentally new approach and new hope. Instead of struggling even harder to manage or eliminate your anger, you can stop anger feelings from determining who you are and how you live your life. Based on a revolutionary psychological approach called acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), the techniques in ACT on Life Not on Anger can help you let go of anger and start living your life to the fullest. Your path begins as you learn to accept your angry feelings as they occur, without judging or trying to manage them. Then, using techniques based in mindfulness practice, you'll discover how to observe your feelings of anger without acting on them. Value-identification exercises help you figure out what truly matters to you so that you can commit to short- and long-term goals that turn your values into reality. In the process, anger will lose power over your life-and, amazingly, you'll gain control over your life by simply letting go of your angry feelings.
200 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
68 people are currently reading
210 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
March 26, 2016
This will be perhaps my hardest review to write but I consider it one of the most important because I believe that there are many people out there like myself who are dealing with some severe anger issues and want help but have only been met with either judgment, prejudice or the prospect of years of expensive therapy with no clear ending.
I want to give a little background about myself. I came from an abusive home. My mother was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. Her anger was destructive in every way possible my father, myself and my siblings bore the brunt of it. My father dealt with it by taking in the anger and I saw it break him down. I was 19 when my parents finally began divorce proceedings. I essentially lived my whole childhood having the 2 most powerful role models a child will have in their life not give me any healthy strategies for how to deal with anger.
So I did my best on my own to tried to create what I thought were productive ways of handling it. I went for long walk or runs, I vented to my friends, I wrote for hours, I 19d ignore it thinking it would just pass, when it would get really bad I 19d punch a wall and sometimes threw things. I knew I never wanted to hit another human being the way my mom did so I essentially beat myself up. All these actions hurt me emotionally or physically but I figured I was use to it so I could handle it.
Deep down I was scared that I would be doomed to repeat either the cycle of my mother or father. I would either be someone who would bear the brunt of someone 19s abuse or be an abuser myself. I swore off having children for a long time not because I didn 19t want them because I believed I didn 19t deserve them. I was also convinced that at some point my husband wouldn 19t be able to take my fits of rage and move onto someone he deserved better. After one particularly bad argument where I had cut up both my hands and arms from smashing them through glass 13 I knew that I couldn 19t keep doing this to myself or him any longer.
This book has changed my life.
The first thing this book teaches you is that there is no such thing as controlling anger 13 anger (more specifically the emotions that cause anger) is a natural part of life and trying to 1Ccontrol 1D it is destructive and pointless. You need to be taught ways to manage it instead. It also debunks a lot of anger myths. For example: most of us are taught that venting anger is healthy and normal when in fact it isn 19t. The strategies we 19ve been given by others to manage anger actually feeds it and lets it grow.
The chapters have several concrete exercises that force you to really look at how you deal with anger and what it has cost you in your life. The author themselves doesn 19t accuse or judge you but has a kind compassionate tone that makes you feel comfortable opening up. I believe that many of us who are angry have been really hurt before and are use to hearing the condescension of others which prevents us from moving forward. It makes us draw tighter into our anger because anger protects us from getting hurt. Reading this will make you want to drop your defenses.
It also has a lot of specific breathing techniques and mental imagery to help you deal with anger at its onset so it doesn 19t overwhelm you. Like many, I thought that stuff was just mumbo jumbo but I swear that it works.
This is how my life is different:
I went and contacted family members who I 19ve had grudges with for several years because of the issues stemming from my mother. I am working at building a new relationship with them.
My husband and I have had disagreements since my reading of the book but I actually seemed to be more rational one. I didn 19t yell, insult or resort to any destructive behavior even when it was a highly emotionally charged subject.
I actually helped resolve a grudge that had been going on in my husband 19s family for a long time that brought us all closer. Prior to reading this book I refused to even be involved with them at all.
My mother contacted me and I told her that I forgave her .. make no mistake that doesn 19t mean I have a relationship with her or condone what she did. It means I no longer hold onto my anger with her anymore so I can move on with my life.
The best part is this book promises to make these types of changes in your about 8 weeks not the years that therapy often takes (and at what cost!). I am a better, happier more empowered person because I read this book and devoted myself to making a change.
I want to give a little background about myself. I came from an abusive home. My mother was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive. Her anger was destructive in every way possible my father, myself and my siblings bore the brunt of it. My father dealt with it by taking in the anger and I saw it break him down. I was 19 when my parents finally began divorce proceedings. I essentially lived my whole childhood having the 2 most powerful role models a child will have in their life not give me any healthy strategies for how to deal with anger.
So I did my best on my own to tried to create what I thought were productive ways of handling it. I went for long walk or runs, I vented to my friends, I wrote for hours, I 19d ignore it thinking it would just pass, when it would get really bad I 19d punch a wall and sometimes threw things. I knew I never wanted to hit another human being the way my mom did so I essentially beat myself up. All these actions hurt me emotionally or physically but I figured I was use to it so I could handle it.
Deep down I was scared that I would be doomed to repeat either the cycle of my mother or father. I would either be someone who would bear the brunt of someone 19s abuse or be an abuser myself. I swore off having children for a long time not because I didn 19t want them because I believed I didn 19t deserve them. I was also convinced that at some point my husband wouldn 19t be able to take my fits of rage and move onto someone he deserved better. After one particularly bad argument where I had cut up both my hands and arms from smashing them through glass 13 I knew that I couldn 19t keep doing this to myself or him any longer.
This book has changed my life.
The first thing this book teaches you is that there is no such thing as controlling anger 13 anger (more specifically the emotions that cause anger) is a natural part of life and trying to 1Ccontrol 1D it is destructive and pointless. You need to be taught ways to manage it instead. It also debunks a lot of anger myths. For example: most of us are taught that venting anger is healthy and normal when in fact it isn 19t. The strategies we 19ve been given by others to manage anger actually feeds it and lets it grow.
The chapters have several concrete exercises that force you to really look at how you deal with anger and what it has cost you in your life. The author themselves doesn 19t accuse or judge you but has a kind compassionate tone that makes you feel comfortable opening up. I believe that many of us who are angry have been really hurt before and are use to hearing the condescension of others which prevents us from moving forward. It makes us draw tighter into our anger because anger protects us from getting hurt. Reading this will make you want to drop your defenses.
It also has a lot of specific breathing techniques and mental imagery to help you deal with anger at its onset so it doesn 19t overwhelm you. Like many, I thought that stuff was just mumbo jumbo but I swear that it works.
This is how my life is different:
I went and contacted family members who I 19ve had grudges with for several years because of the issues stemming from my mother. I am working at building a new relationship with them.
My husband and I have had disagreements since my reading of the book but I actually seemed to be more rational one. I didn 19t yell, insult or resort to any destructive behavior even when it was a highly emotionally charged subject.
I actually helped resolve a grudge that had been going on in my husband 19s family for a long time that brought us all closer. Prior to reading this book I refused to even be involved with them at all.
My mother contacted me and I told her that I forgave her .. make no mistake that doesn 19t mean I have a relationship with her or condone what she did. It means I no longer hold onto my anger with her anymore so I can move on with my life.
The best part is this book promises to make these types of changes in your about 8 weeks not the years that therapy often takes (and at what cost!). I am a better, happier more empowered person because I read this book and devoted myself to making a change.
March 9, 2008
A practical,insightful, and excellent guide for those whom have debilatating anger, where anger has seriously dealt destruction and havoc to all areas of living a productive and enriching life; the book doesn't shy away from facing the cycle of thoughts and feelings that have led to self-destructive behavior, and offers a realistic and rational approach to overcoming it through various exercises. It's written in concise, clear prose.
I highly recommend this book; it's worth more than the money you will pay for it
July 16, 2017
O carte despre protocoalele pentru managementul furiei cu ajutorul ACT.
December 30, 2015
For those not knowledgeable about ACT, there's enough of an overview in the beginning that, if aware of other psychological/therapeutic theories, the reader can follow. Unfortunately most readers coming to this as self-help may miss some of the deeper points as they assume ACT is little more than a variation on CBT, which it is most assuredly not. You will not find statements that specific thought processes are wrong or dysfunctional, instead there follows an appreciation for all thoughts and feelings being accepted as is, without judgment, and separating behavior from thought/feeling. There are quite a few exercises based on mindfulness throughout the book, easily explained and able to be implemented by nearly anyone with time and an intent to change.
One criticism I have of ACT is the seeming conflation between values and behavior, as if by moving towards a value you must be engaging in behavior in a particular way. The recognition that people can manifest unhealthy behavior in service of a value is not spoken of. Still, this is a small criticism in the midst of so much good work to be found and I highly recommend this to those who have some knowledge of psychology.
One criticism I have of ACT is the seeming conflation between values and behavior, as if by moving towards a value you must be engaging in behavior in a particular way. The recognition that people can manifest unhealthy behavior in service of a value is not spoken of. Still, this is a small criticism in the midst of so much good work to be found and I highly recommend this to those who have some knowledge of psychology.
July 22, 2022
Mir fiel es enorm schwer, dieses Buch zu lesen. Für die paar Seiten (215 groß geschriebene Seiten mit reichlich Tabellen und ähnlichen Platzhaltern) habe ich über ein halbes Jahr gebraucht. Oft habe ich mich dabei ertappt, drei Seiten weiter gewesen zu sein, ohne Text gelesen zu haben. Ich musste also zurückblättern und erneut lesen, wobei mir das erneut sehr schwer fiel und ich versuchte dann, einzelne Abschnitte zu lesen. Nach einem solchen Abschnitt war ich mir dann aber nicht sicher, ob ich die Botschaft aufgenommen hatte.
Woran lag's? Einerseits ist dieses Werk eine Anleitung zur Harmonie. Spannung, das weiß jeder, der sich mit Literatur beschäftigt, entsteht aber durch Konflikt. Genau dieser soll aber überwunden werden. So versucht dieser Text also, Entspannung zu vermitteln. Was auf dem Wege der Lektüre nur schief gehen kann.
Zum zweiten wiederholt sich in dem Buch alles ständig und permanent. Es ist eine Art Mantra. Auf diese Weise soll es möglich werden, dass der Mensch seine Gewohnheiten überdenkt und anpasst. Die Frage, die sich mir dabei stellt, ist: Ist es überhaupt sinnvoll, dass ich meine Gewohnheiten ändere, einfach so? Nur weil es in diesem Buch steht?
Als psychogischer Laie halte ich die kognitive Verhaltenstherapie für eine Umgehungslösung, die nur an den Symptomen herumdoktert, anstatt in die Tiefe zu gehen (wie die tiefenpsychologisch fundierte Psychotherapie). Diese Therapieform passte sehr gut ins neoliberale Zeitalter. Der Mensch sollte funktionieren und fertig. Jetzt, wo der Neoliberalismus allmählich in einem Bündel Katastrophen mündet, wechselt die kognitive Verhaltenstherapie, neuerdings als "ACT", zunehmend in den religiösen Sektor über (Buddhismus), was irgendwie zu den Mantras passt.
Fazit: Wo jeder Konflikt zugeschüttet wird, da kann eine Lektüre niemals spannend sein.
Info: Ich habe das Buch in einer deutschen Übersetzung gelesen.
Woran lag's? Einerseits ist dieses Werk eine Anleitung zur Harmonie. Spannung, das weiß jeder, der sich mit Literatur beschäftigt, entsteht aber durch Konflikt. Genau dieser soll aber überwunden werden. So versucht dieser Text also, Entspannung zu vermitteln. Was auf dem Wege der Lektüre nur schief gehen kann.
Zum zweiten wiederholt sich in dem Buch alles ständig und permanent. Es ist eine Art Mantra. Auf diese Weise soll es möglich werden, dass der Mensch seine Gewohnheiten überdenkt und anpasst. Die Frage, die sich mir dabei stellt, ist: Ist es überhaupt sinnvoll, dass ich meine Gewohnheiten ändere, einfach so? Nur weil es in diesem Buch steht?
Als psychogischer Laie halte ich die kognitive Verhaltenstherapie für eine Umgehungslösung, die nur an den Symptomen herumdoktert, anstatt in die Tiefe zu gehen (wie die tiefenpsychologisch fundierte Psychotherapie). Diese Therapieform passte sehr gut ins neoliberale Zeitalter. Der Mensch sollte funktionieren und fertig. Jetzt, wo der Neoliberalismus allmählich in einem Bündel Katastrophen mündet, wechselt die kognitive Verhaltenstherapie, neuerdings als "ACT", zunehmend in den religiösen Sektor über (Buddhismus), was irgendwie zu den Mantras passt.
Fazit: Wo jeder Konflikt zugeschüttet wird, da kann eine Lektüre niemals spannend sein.
Info: Ich habe das Buch in einer deutschen Übersetzung gelesen.
February 13, 2018
This book was recommended to me by a therapist. It has narrative that explains what anger is, why it causes depression and how to deal with it. It teaches how to distance yourself from your anger so you can observe it without getting hot emotions in the way. The exercises at the end of chapters helps you sort through your own anger.
I found this book very helpful, but I feel it would have worked better if it had been made in workbook form. The narrative frequently sounded self-congratulatory, as if, "I'm a doctor, and I invented this method (they didn't), aren't I great? I would have liked it better if it went right into the subject matter, gave examples, then gave the assignment for the reader to do.
I found this book very helpful, but I feel it would have worked better if it had been made in workbook form. The narrative frequently sounded self-congratulatory, as if, "I'm a doctor, and I invented this method (they didn't), aren't I great? I would have liked it better if it went right into the subject matter, gave examples, then gave the assignment for the reader to do.
January 28, 2019
I'm waffling between 3 and 4 stars on this dense little book. I've used pieces of it with patients for a long time, but only recently finished the whole thing with a patient. I think the needle the authors deftly thread is not shying away from the mindfulness-based and emotion-oriented aspects of ACT that angry people can easily dismiss as "touchy-feely," while also presenting that material in a simple, matter-of-fact way. They assume without being judgmental that the person reading the book is doing so because their anger is no longer "working" for them. Perhaps I wish aspects of committed, values-based action was added earlier? In summary: not a game-changer, but a solid addition to any ACT practitioner's library.
November 25, 2020
Excellent, practical, sometimes it may feel weird, but ultimately, this book gives you the tools to drop the rope in your tug-of-war with your anger and learn to live toward what you value most in life. An excellent resource for anyone wanting to deal with any problematic anger in their lives!
December 14, 2020
One of the better books on the anger habit, especially when combined with ACT principles.
January 6, 2008
A helpful book applying Acceptance and Commitment Therapy specifically to anger; many practical suggestions on making your life better and moving forward, rather than remaining stuck or getting caught in endless analyses and rationalizations for this problem.
September 1, 2014
Well, let's just say CBT based therapy like this does not work for me. I ended up being very angry with this book (which sounds funny I know) and returned it to the library and told my social work that I never wanted to discuss this book again. I'm more of a DBT person.
June 7, 2016
I use this book regularly with clients and find that many of the suggestions and techniques have worked very well with them.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews