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Chadwick #1
Surviving the Merge
My name is Justin, and when I was seventeen, I fell in love with a boy named Damon.
Damon was sick, only I didn’t know it at the time. And like any disease left untreated, it festered and burrowed into the unaffected areas of us, until we were both so far from healthy, we were killing one another. Then a tragedy sparked our implosion.
With nothing of us remaining to salvage, I was left to pick up the pieces, while Damon found his escape in the abyss. Leaving me alone with his alter, Blake.
Damon and Blake are two halves of a whole. But Damon is the coldest part of darkness, and Blake the warmest part of light. Which form of ecstasy would you choose?
I love Blake with a ferocious intensity akin to the peeling back of skin. Except Blake isn’t Damon, but Damon was gone—until now.
What once threatened to tear us apart has become our catharsis.
Outnumbered in a relationship with the man who is my life, I’ve begun to learn more about love than I ever thought possible.
But can our love survive the merge?
**Please use the Amazon "Look Inside" feature for a list of what to expect.
Damon was sick, only I didn’t know it at the time. And like any disease left untreated, it festered and burrowed into the unaffected areas of us, until we were both so far from healthy, we were killing one another. Then a tragedy sparked our implosion.
With nothing of us remaining to salvage, I was left to pick up the pieces, while Damon found his escape in the abyss. Leaving me alone with his alter, Blake.
Damon and Blake are two halves of a whole. But Damon is the coldest part of darkness, and Blake the warmest part of light. Which form of ecstasy would you choose?
I love Blake with a ferocious intensity akin to the peeling back of skin. Except Blake isn’t Damon, but Damon was gone—until now.
What once threatened to tear us apart has become our catharsis.
Outnumbered in a relationship with the man who is my life, I’ve begun to learn more about love than I ever thought possible.
But can our love survive the merge?
**Please use the Amazon "Look Inside" feature for a list of what to expect.
323 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 26, 2020
237 people are currently reading
1629 people want to read
About the author
C.P. Harris
12 books1,168 followersC.P. Harris writes emotionally charged romance with a dark edge, where love is messy, possessive, and always worth the wreckage. Best known for The Good Liar and her latest release, Saving Sparrow, she crafts stories that dive deep into flawed characters and hard-won, happily-ever-afters. When not writing, she's devouring the same intense, complicated romances she loves to create. If you crave angst, obsession, and endings that hurt before they heal—C.P. Harris might just be your next favorite author.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 244 reviews
May 30, 2020
**** 4.5 Stars ****
Holy shite.
I'm so, so glad I haven't read any review prior to starting this book.
This was so bloody clever, refreshing, intriguing and complex. It was twisted, but not in a perverted way, (I feel that I need to specify that considering my wicked taste). 😬
JUSTIN
I don't know where to draw a line between fiction and reality regarding the subject matter presented in the plot.
Did the author research this?
Or was everything a brilliant fictional manipulation?
Well, it doesn't matter.
As a person with no knowledge of this particular intriguing subject, I have to mention how impressed I am by the sensible way it was portrayed.
The writing was convincing. It got my mind spinning in complete sync with the characters. It felt real. And I ended up loving deeply Justin, Blake and Damon.
If you want to read this, I urge you to read the blurb only and close your eyes every time you see the reviews popping in your feed. Believe me, they are too spoilery. Go in blind to relish in all delicious, alluring and intriguing complexity that is Surviving the Merge.
A tiny niggle: I am taking 0.5 stars on account of Sam. I think she crashed too fast and too deep in the story. I didn't have time to feel Sam and Justin's bond grow in the pace the story suggested.
Surviving the Merge is a must read. Well, be aware of my taste
I'm no snowflake. ❄
Holy shite.
I'm so, so glad I haven't read any review prior to starting this book.
This was so bloody clever, refreshing, intriguing and complex. It was twisted, but not in a perverted way, (I feel that I need to specify that considering my wicked taste). 😬
JUSTIN
I don't know where to draw a line between fiction and reality regarding the subject matter presented in the plot.
Did the author research this?
Or was everything a brilliant fictional manipulation?
Well, it doesn't matter.
As a person with no knowledge of this particular intriguing subject, I have to mention how impressed I am by the sensible way it was portrayed.
The writing was convincing. It got my mind spinning in complete sync with the characters. It felt real. And I ended up loving deeply Justin, Blake and Damon.
If you want to read this, I urge you to read the blurb only and close your eyes every time you see the reviews popping in your feed. Believe me, they are too spoilery. Go in blind to relish in all delicious, alluring and intriguing complexity that is Surviving the Merge.
A tiny niggle: I am taking 0.5 stars on account of Sam. I think she crashed too fast and too deep in the story. I didn't have time to feel Sam and Justin's bond grow in the pace the story suggested.
Surviving the Merge is a must read. Well, be aware of my taste
I'm no snowflake. ❄
July 31, 2020
A twisted tale that left me in knots.
There was much to admire about this complex story but I also struggled with the balance.
It's clear the intent was to present multiple pieces to the puzzle.
Yet, I’m not confident I secured them together properly. And that is most likely my failure and not the authors. I think I covered every range of the emotional wheel while spinning along on this intricate journey. And that’s exactly what it felt like, observing a personal journey through the eyes of one piece of a trio.
At first, I feared this was a poor match for me because I am not a fan of cheating. Triangles are not my preference when it comes to relationships. But once I discovered who Justin, Blake, and Damon were and what they were to each other I was caught in their spell.
I had to know.
I am rather inexperienced with this particular subject matter.
I read a story last year that opened my eyes to DID and was captivated with their complex story...but this was very different.
I have come to understand and appreciate that that is exactly the case with the DID. There are no set standards and each case is unique.
Without a doubt, Harris did a tremendous amount of research. I was confused in the beginning but ultimately drawn to each man.
Although her voice is clear, I struggled to continuously glide with her and occasionally found the water choppy. The foundation of her craft is solid and did not require such force at times.
There was also a darkness that held oppressive moments.
A shared secret uncovers a very climactic scene that held a significant amount of pain and horror. I believe this reveal was not necessary and held more power while remaining locked away. I honestly would’ve preferred not knowing the cause of the “break”.
The secondary cast lifted the guys and left me smiling. Superb characters.
It is most certainly a story that will stick with me and I do not mind its hold.
There was passion and there was pain.
There was betrayal and there was forgiveness.
And there was dominance and absolute submission.
Despite my difficulties, I believe it’s a powerful and unforgettable tale with a blinding core of devotion and courage.
Not a book for all but a book for all time.
*3.5 fascinating-fearsome-fusing stars*
**I would advise you to follow the author's suggestion to peer closely at the preview if you have any hesitation or trigger concerns.
There was much to admire about this complex story but I also struggled with the balance.
It's clear the intent was to present multiple pieces to the puzzle.
Yet, I’m not confident I secured them together properly. And that is most likely my failure and not the authors. I think I covered every range of the emotional wheel while spinning along on this intricate journey. And that’s exactly what it felt like, observing a personal journey through the eyes of one piece of a trio.
At first, I feared this was a poor match for me because I am not a fan of cheating. Triangles are not my preference when it comes to relationships. But once I discovered who Justin, Blake, and Damon were and what they were to each other I was caught in their spell.
I had to know.
I am rather inexperienced with this particular subject matter.
I read a story last year that opened my eyes to DID and was captivated with their complex story...but this was very different.
I have come to understand and appreciate that that is exactly the case with the DID. There are no set standards and each case is unique.
Without a doubt, Harris did a tremendous amount of research. I was confused in the beginning but ultimately drawn to each man.
Although her voice is clear, I struggled to continuously glide with her and occasionally found the water choppy. The foundation of her craft is solid and did not require such force at times.
There was also a darkness that held oppressive moments.
A shared secret uncovers a very climactic scene that held a significant amount of pain and horror. I believe this reveal was not necessary and held more power while remaining locked away. I honestly would’ve preferred not knowing the cause of the “break”.
The secondary cast lifted the guys and left me smiling. Superb characters.
It is most certainly a story that will stick with me and I do not mind its hold.
There was passion and there was pain.
There was betrayal and there was forgiveness.
And there was dominance and absolute submission.
Despite my difficulties, I believe it’s a powerful and unforgettable tale with a blinding core of devotion and courage.
Not a book for all but a book for all time.
*3.5 fascinating-fearsome-fusing stars*
**I would advise you to follow the author's suggestion to peer closely at the preview if you have any hesitation or trigger concerns.
June 13, 2021
4.5 stars. This book was mindfuck, love, lust, violence, friendship and mental disorder all thrown together. But mostly love. So much love. It’s so dark, but there is light in the darkness. I loved these men. Their love was everything. And it found a way to a really really hardly earned HEA.
If you haven’t read this book, I would suggest you go read it right now and come back later to talk to me. Skip the blurb. Skip the reviews. Are you done? Or you decided not to listen to me? I’ll keep this as spoiler free as possible.
Justin loves Blake. They’ve been married for years. Blake adores Justin and is the perfect husband. Always perfect. Everything Justin needs.
Except he is not. Justin also needs to be possessed. Hurt. Violated. Something only Justin’s first love, Damon, can offer.
Most of the book focuses on Damon’s therapy, from Justin’s POV. But Justin has lots of issues of his own which were not quite analyzed enough for my taste.
The drama near the end, and one event in particular, felt unnecessary and hard to believe. But it didn’t take away from my enjoyment of the book. Highly recommended. So much I’m jumping on the next in the series right away.
If you haven’t read this book, I would suggest you go read it right now and come back later to talk to me. Skip the blurb. Skip the reviews. Are you done? Or you decided not to listen to me? I’ll keep this as spoiler free as possible.
Justin loves Blake. They’ve been married for years. Blake adores Justin and is the perfect husband. Always perfect. Everything Justin needs.
Except he is not. Justin also needs to be possessed. Hurt. Violated. Something only Justin’s first love, Damon, can offer.
Most of the book focuses on Damon’s therapy, from Justin’s POV. But Justin has lots of issues of his own which were not quite analyzed enough for my taste.
The drama near the end, and one event in particular, felt unnecessary and hard to believe. But it didn’t take away from my enjoyment of the book. Highly recommended. So much I’m jumping on the next in the series right away.
June 30, 2022
you know what, fuck books. fuck romance books to be exact. i'm so done with this genre. probably my last read for awhile.
November 23, 2021
3.5 stars ⭐️ This book constantly reminds me of Nicky James’s ‘Love Me Whole’ and I loved that book so much, and it says that I'm not fully unfamiliar with this whole D.I.D. subject.
There might be little spoilers ⛔️
.
.
.
.
This was a fascinating story too. There was one alternative to Damon, and he was Blake. Damon’s husband was twenty-seven years old, Justin.
While I really liked both Damon and Blake, I couldn't find myself warming up to Justin, and it surprised me even more because the whole story was told from only Justin’s POV.
I liked the relationship Justin had with Blake tbh. But I liked Damon too. I know his behavior screamed toxicity. But it was hard not to like Damon since he had his reasons to act the way he did in his whole life. Yes, he made us manipulated by his traumatic childhood.
My niggles are,
Justin and Sam’s friendship didn't amplify my interest in the book. I couldn't understand their relationship. I really didn't like Sam. Her whole dramas felt too much, and Justin’s part of that friendship felt forced and difficult to believe.
And outside of sex, I couldn't get the fact that whether Justin actually loved Damon. I think he loved Blake more than Damon, and Justin merely wanted Damon to only have rough and possessive sex with him. (It's just me concluding the story that way)
Overall, the book was okay. I really finished it without skipping, and that says a lot.
There might be little spoilers ⛔️
.
.
.
.
This was a fascinating story too. There was one alternative to Damon, and he was Blake. Damon’s husband was twenty-seven years old, Justin.
While I really liked both Damon and Blake, I couldn't find myself warming up to Justin, and it surprised me even more because the whole story was told from only Justin’s POV.
I liked the relationship Justin had with Blake tbh. But I liked Damon too. I know his behavior screamed toxicity. But it was hard not to like Damon since he had his reasons to act the way he did in his whole life. Yes, he made us manipulated by his traumatic childhood.
My niggles are,
Justin and Sam’s friendship didn't amplify my interest in the book. I couldn't understand their relationship. I really didn't like Sam. Her whole dramas felt too much, and Justin’s part of that friendship felt forced and difficult to believe.
And outside of sex, I couldn't get the fact that whether Justin actually loved Damon. I think he loved Blake more than Damon, and Justin merely wanted Damon to only have rough and possessive sex with him. (It's just me concluding the story that way)
Overall, the book was okay. I really finished it without skipping, and that says a lot.
June 9, 2020
OMG, I don’t know where to begin, there is so much to tell.
Overwhelming it was, absolutely overwhelming.
It’s kind of tricky reviewing without giving too much away. I’ll try my very best!
Before I dive into the content I want to explain the whole story in a few lines before you misunderstand what I’m really talking about.
This story is about love, about healing, about mental illness caused by surviving an awful life and trying to protect, it’s about sacrifices, deep therapeutic sessions, sexual needs, and compassion. It’s about returning to the very naked core.
Above all, it’s about unconditional love and dedication.
There is a life before-and-after... and while reading you’ll understand this can be about more than one case.
“My name is Justin. When I was seventeen, I fell in love with a boy named Damon.”
Justin’s and his husband their lives were going sort of steady for the last five years, until four months ago.
“I’d left the comforts of heaven to willingly lay in the arms of the devil.”
Justin has a hunger in him, only one person can satisfy and Blake can’t provide that. But Blake fulfills other needs Damon can’t provide.
Justin’s life is small, working as Ballet Master at The OBH—The Oregon Ballet House, satisfies him but he has no friends, no life outside his marriage.
He wants to spread his wings or maybe understand why and how life works for him.
“In order to get through, you first need to go through.”
There are hurtful fights, the mental and physical ones. The blood dripping had, for me, two functions, clean a wound or it has to flow to let go.
There are beautiful sensual and sensitive moments where it looks like everything will be okay, who knew the road is a long one.
The awareness of triggering minds was palpable. Justin’s pleas are heartfelt. The story was ingenious, at some point I wondered who manipulated who.
Awesomely done to make me question again and again.
There is Dr. Julie, their therapist, my goodness what a fierce woman. Deep bow.
Let’s not forget the beautiful friends who surrounded them. I want to point out that besides the main storyline there are just as important secondary stories.
This story was amazing, captivating, and intriguingly written. It’s almost impossible to resume. It was kind of a dark story, with heavy content, we’re talking here about surviving by coping, more learning to cope. There are forceful moments with dubious consensus, many conflicts, and inner turmoil.
The title is everything and when I truly understood, I cried hard.
Humor and witty attitudes completed the characters. So many beautiful moments. At times, so dark, and sexy af.
The whole healing process was breathtaking, I cried ugly tears.
A story with the most beautiful determined characters, I loved EVERY part of them. So much honesty, so many real feelings. It was all overwhelmingly beautiful!
A must-read, my review can’t even approximate what it’s all about. Read it yourself!
A debut novel and for me, it deserves already a 5+++ star status!
Overwhelming it was, absolutely overwhelming.
It’s kind of tricky reviewing without giving too much away. I’ll try my very best!
Before I dive into the content I want to explain the whole story in a few lines before you misunderstand what I’m really talking about.
This story is about love, about healing, about mental illness caused by surviving an awful life and trying to protect, it’s about sacrifices, deep therapeutic sessions, sexual needs, and compassion. It’s about returning to the very naked core.
Above all, it’s about unconditional love and dedication.
There is a life before-and-after... and while reading you’ll understand this can be about more than one case.
“My name is Justin. When I was seventeen, I fell in love with a boy named Damon.”
Justin’s and his husband their lives were going sort of steady for the last five years, until four months ago.
“I’d left the comforts of heaven to willingly lay in the arms of the devil.”
Justin has a hunger in him, only one person can satisfy and Blake can’t provide that. But Blake fulfills other needs Damon can’t provide.
Justin’s life is small, working as Ballet Master at The OBH—The Oregon Ballet House, satisfies him but he has no friends, no life outside his marriage.
He wants to spread his wings or maybe understand why and how life works for him.
“In order to get through, you first need to go through.”
There are hurtful fights, the mental and physical ones. The blood dripping had, for me, two functions, clean a wound or it has to flow to let go.
There are beautiful sensual and sensitive moments where it looks like everything will be okay, who knew the road is a long one.
The awareness of triggering minds was palpable. Justin’s pleas are heartfelt. The story was ingenious, at some point I wondered who manipulated who.
Awesomely done to make me question again and again.
There is Dr. Julie, their therapist, my goodness what a fierce woman. Deep bow.
Let’s not forget the beautiful friends who surrounded them. I want to point out that besides the main storyline there are just as important secondary stories.
This story was amazing, captivating, and intriguingly written. It’s almost impossible to resume. It was kind of a dark story, with heavy content, we’re talking here about surviving by coping, more learning to cope. There are forceful moments with dubious consensus, many conflicts, and inner turmoil.
The title is everything and when I truly understood, I cried hard.
Humor and witty attitudes completed the characters. So many beautiful moments. At times, so dark, and sexy af.
The whole healing process was breathtaking, I cried ugly tears.
A story with the most beautiful determined characters, I loved EVERY part of them. So much honesty, so many real feelings. It was all overwhelmingly beautiful!
A must-read, my review can’t even approximate what it’s all about. Read it yourself!
A debut novel and for me, it deserves already a 5+++ star status!
May 28, 2020
Delicious.
July 31, 2020
If you want to go into this book blind, I would advise you don't even read the blurb since I figured out pretty easily what it was going to be about just from that. If you need trigger warnings than you definitely need to read those as there a number of them .
I'm in the minority that didn't love this book. I think the author just took on too much for the length of the story. It was probably well researched, but the writing style went from straightforward to prosy (which I'm not a fan of in general). I also had some issues with the pacing, especially in the middle. I'll spoiler the rest of the review.
I'm in the minority that didn't love this book. I think the author just took on too much for the length of the story. It was probably well researched, but the writing style went from straightforward to prosy (which I'm not a fan of in general). I also had some issues with the pacing, especially in the middle. I'll spoiler the rest of the review.
June 27, 2020
I'm putting my review under a spoiler. I honestly don't see the problem in readers knowing things about the characters as they're disclosed pretty quickly. But, whatever.
August 12, 2020
This was a fascinating account of a man caught up in a relationship with a husband whose mental health issues are causing him to come apart at the seams, or rather to show how much that has already happened. They have hit a crisis, and are in desperate need of rebuilding the relationship in healthier ways, for both of them. Parts of the relationship border on abusive - and a fair bit feels co-dependent - and one of the questions you have to work through, reading it, is how much someone else's suffering and mental health problems excuse how they treat others. Understanding is one thing, being complicit in it is another. But I had a whole lot of sympathy for Damon and Blake (perhaps Blake most of all.)
I was very glad the Justin was in therapy, and I like that his therapist called him out sometimes on how he was treating his husband, and the assumptions he was making. Occasionally she felt a bit manipulative and controlling, as if she was imposing her own personal ideas on the situation, and I wished Damon had his own therapist who wasn't Justin's. But he probably wouldn't have gone.
There are a range of secondary characters in the mix, important to moving the story. Justin's new friend Sam was a bit annoying - instafriendship that intense is a bit like instalove for me. It doesn't feel quite real. Toning her down and having a few, plausible negative issues at the youth center would have added a central core of intermediate emotions between the highs and lows of perfection and disaster. But I liked that we didn't see these guys in isolation- those outside relationships were relevant to the story.
And this is a gripping story. I read it quickly, eager to see how things would be resolved. Loving someone with a mental health challenge is tough, especially when your own mental health isn't great (and Justin's attribution of blame related to his own trauma showed how messed up he also was.) I always appreciate when such characters seek professional help, and when they don't achieve perfection in the resolution. I love reading about deeply imperfect characters getting their HEA.
I was very glad the Justin was in therapy, and I like that his therapist called him out sometimes on how he was treating his husband, and the assumptions he was making. Occasionally she felt a bit manipulative and controlling, as if she was imposing her own personal ideas on the situation, and I wished Damon had his own therapist who wasn't Justin's. But he probably wouldn't have gone.
There are a range of secondary characters in the mix, important to moving the story. Justin's new friend Sam was a bit annoying - instafriendship that intense is a bit like instalove for me. It doesn't feel quite real. Toning her down and having a few, plausible negative issues at the youth center would have added a central core of intermediate emotions between the highs and lows of perfection and disaster. But I liked that we didn't see these guys in isolation- those outside relationships were relevant to the story.
And this is a gripping story. I read it quickly, eager to see how things would be resolved. Loving someone with a mental health challenge is tough, especially when your own mental health isn't great (and Justin's attribution of blame related to his own trauma showed how messed up he also was.) I always appreciate when such characters seek professional help, and when they don't achieve perfection in the resolution. I love reading about deeply imperfect characters getting their HEA.
July 12, 2020
Reread 12 July: changing my rating from 4 to 4.5 because some of the things that made me drop 1 star were things that might never bother anyone else.
First read: 2nd of July
A wonderful debut by a very talented author!
Surviving the Merge is a story about having the courage to dismantle the foundations of a relationship built upon jealousy, codependency and darkness, and rebuild it back again stronger, saner and healthier.
It's absolutely impossible to review this without spoilers, so I will be very short. I have been looking for a story like this for years, and I loved how the book began. I didn't care much about the side characters, but whenever the scenes contained only our MCs, the book sparkled.
Looking forward to reading other stories in this series!
First read: 2nd of July
A wonderful debut by a very talented author!
Surviving the Merge is a story about having the courage to dismantle the foundations of a relationship built upon jealousy, codependency and darkness, and rebuild it back again stronger, saner and healthier.
It's absolutely impossible to review this without spoilers, so I will be very short. I have been looking for a story like this for years, and I loved how the book began. I didn't care much about the side characters, but whenever the scenes contained only our MCs, the book sparkled.
Looking forward to reading other stories in this series!
September 5, 2020
I finished this book long ago but I hadn't been able to write a review because real life got in the way AGAIN. *sigh* I guess better late than never huh?
Down to business..this book was utterly fascinating to read about. It was centred around a couple with one MC having Dissociative Identity Disorder(formerly known as multiple personality disorder). If you know anything about the disorder, saying this couple had a tough time would be an understatement.
They went through some of the most intense times any one can purport to experience and at a point, I was wondering why Justin wouldn't just leave the mess behind. But Justin(who also had his own mountain of issues to deal with), stuck to his guns and with the help of a MUCH needed medical help, they managed to find a semblance of happiness with Damon/Blake.
I will tell you this straight; this book was intense and dealt with a multitude of heavy heavy themes which all added to its intensity. Although the writing was impeccable, and the story flowed smoothly from chapter to chapter, because of all the heavy topics, it made reading difficult for me sometimes because baby, these men were GOING THROUGH IT! It was certainly not an easy road for them.
However, there were great supporting characters that came in to lighten the intensity at the right times which ultimately led me to the finish this book on a high.
So yeah, although this book was intense and somewhat imperfect, I absolutely enjoyed it and this led to my rating.
Will I be reading the next book(which will be of another couple?) YES!
Will I recommend it to others? YES! (just gird your loins for the INTENSITY) *skips away*
Down to business..this book was utterly fascinating to read about. It was centred around a couple with one MC having Dissociative Identity Disorder(formerly known as multiple personality disorder). If you know anything about the disorder, saying this couple had a tough time would be an understatement.
They went through some of the most intense times any one can purport to experience and at a point, I was wondering why Justin wouldn't just leave the mess behind. But Justin(who also had his own mountain of issues to deal with), stuck to his guns and with the help of a MUCH needed medical help, they managed to find a semblance of happiness with Damon/Blake.
I will tell you this straight; this book was intense and dealt with a multitude of heavy heavy themes which all added to its intensity. Although the writing was impeccable, and the story flowed smoothly from chapter to chapter, because of all the heavy topics, it made reading difficult for me sometimes because baby, these men were GOING THROUGH IT! It was certainly not an easy road for them.
However, there were great supporting characters that came in to lighten the intensity at the right times which ultimately led me to the finish this book on a high.
So yeah, although this book was intense and somewhat imperfect, I absolutely enjoyed it and this led to my rating.
Will I be reading the next book(which will be of another couple?) YES!
Will I recommend it to others? YES! (just gird your loins for the INTENSITY) *skips away*
July 2, 2021
4.5 stars, Wow this was an amazing read and full of surprises I hadn't expected!!!!
When this story of complex characters was over I wasn't ready for it to end. It's full of angst, heartache, internal battle, love and healing.
A couple of different side possible stories going on as well so hoping the author will be coming back to those too! ;-D
I would highly suggest this book if your looking for something different and with grit and no this is no fluff sweet read but you can look forward to a hea.
When this story of complex characters was over I wasn't ready for it to end. It's full of angst, heartache, internal battle, love and healing.
A couple of different side possible stories going on as well so hoping the author will be coming back to those too! ;-D
I would highly suggest this book if your looking for something different and with grit and no this is no fluff sweet read but you can look forward to a hea.
June 11, 2020
Wowzers. This was a really interesting and emotional story! I’m not sure where to even start. There are a lot of things going on here but they all surround Justin and his husband, Damon/Blake. When this story begins, we learn about the differences between Damon and Blake, along with the reasons for their existence. As the story unfolds, it appears that Blake (the sweet, understand, caring and nurturing one) is the main character, or host, as they call it. But as we delve deeper into the reasons for the two, we learn that it is, in fact, Damon (the hardcore, seemingly unfeeling one), who is the original person who, after suffering unspeakable trauma and abuse as a child, created Blake.
Blake is the successful businessman, while Damon runs the club, Elite, where he and Justin meet while Justin was dancing. Damon brings out another side to Justin and fulfills Justin’s needs in a way that Blake simply cannot. However, those needs are not such that they can be acted on full time and they also lack the other things Justin needs – caring, nurturing, love, etc. – which Blake fulfills.
Unfortunately, their relationship is becoming increasingly difficult to sustain, and therefore, their therapist suggests attempting to merge Blake and Damon so they can work together. This is more complicated with the varying aspects of who can feel what while the other is present, who loses time, etc. This changes as the therapy goes on, but stuck somewhat in the middle is Justin, who loves both versions and while he wants them to work together, is terrified of losing one or the other. When Justin learns about a betrayal he thought was done by Damon was actually done by Blake, he needs to take a step back to try and find himself. He takes a break from his job as Ballet Master and moves out in the hopes of doing just that and finding a purpose that doesn’t revolve around Blake or Damon. As bad as Damon/Blake’s struggles are, Justin is going through some of his own.
This was a page turner for me. So many things going on with everyone. So many emotions, and I absolutely love when a book title plays a role just fits right into the story, as this one truly does. There are also some fabulous side characters in this one. From Justin’s first actual bff, Sam, to Damon’s childhood bff, Ash, and the topper on the cake, the therapist, Julie. She was perfect for them and I enjoyed their sessions as much as anything else.
This has some dark aspects to it, most all of them involving Damon, but they are heartbreaking and really show an understanding about him. I’m shocked this is a debut novel, and I most certainly will be on the lookout for more C.P. Harris in the future if this is any indication of what’s to offer. Highly recommend.
Review written for Love Bytes Reviews.
June 4, 2020
Laura Lascarso called it ' Delicious ', so I went into this story blind and trusting.
Happy for that decision so I'm keeping this review as spoiler free as I am able.
Surviving the Merge is a story of a pre-existing relationship. A marriage that is unconventional, unstable and quite frankly worrisome at times.
The strength of this story comes from the emotional and psychological healing of Damon.
Damon lives in a mind riddled with so much guilt, pain and anger. Even in his worse moments I couldn't help but love him and feel for him.
Though Damon is the one who is diagnosed with a mental disorder, Justin is just as riddled with his own set of difficulties. His codependency and his relationship with sex made me squirm in discomfort.
There is such fear in this story. Fear of change. Fear that healing would equate to loss.
This is a testament to their love for one another, unconditional love, even when it's pushed to its breaking point.
One of my favorite things about the physical aspects of the relationship is that it is reminiscent of a paranormal union between mated shifters. It is incredibly tactile and uses all the senses in creating a strong sexual tension and connection between the MC's.
Also, C.P. Harris has a handle on when to fade-into-black and when to push the scene further, none of the sex scenes felt gratuitous.
The set up of this story reminds me a bit of Cara Dee in the sense of a dark romance tied with a feel-good community. Justin's presence in Chadwick, Oregon brings about this community that is very much positive, helpful and friendly. I wavered between this working and not. I will say this, in the end I was sold on the community and began to look forward to seeing the future relationship that will evolve as the series continue.
The secondary characters are the weakest point of the story for me. They needed as much love and development as the mc's had. Especially the relationship between Justin and Sam ( BFF). Insta-friendship and hardcore involvement without enough scenes to ground the relationship made it fall flat for me.
There is also bit of a preachy nature to some of the dialogue that didn't quite work for me. Secondary characters to quick to give their two cents and Justin's nature to self analyze leading him to project onto others.
For the most part though these niggles were not enough to deter me from being completely invested in Justin's marriage. I enjoyed this. It sort of blended all the aspects of MM romance I like into one.
Dark romance
Small town vibe
Growly possessive male
Androgynous MC
Interracial characters
Healing/Comfort
Personal growth
Community impact
~
Fabulous debut novel, I look forward to reading more of C.P.Harris's work.
Trigger Warning:
Happy for that decision so I'm keeping this review as spoiler free as I am able.
Surviving the Merge is a story of a pre-existing relationship. A marriage that is unconventional, unstable and quite frankly worrisome at times.
The strength of this story comes from the emotional and psychological healing of Damon.
Damon lives in a mind riddled with so much guilt, pain and anger. Even in his worse moments I couldn't help but love him and feel for him.
Though Damon is the one who is diagnosed with a mental disorder, Justin is just as riddled with his own set of difficulties. His codependency and his relationship with sex made me squirm in discomfort.
There is such fear in this story. Fear of change. Fear that healing would equate to loss.
This is a testament to their love for one another, unconditional love, even when it's pushed to its breaking point.
One of my favorite things about the physical aspects of the relationship is that it is reminiscent of a paranormal union between mated shifters. It is incredibly tactile and uses all the senses in creating a strong sexual tension and connection between the MC's.
Also, C.P. Harris has a handle on when to fade-into-black and when to push the scene further, none of the sex scenes felt gratuitous.
The set up of this story reminds me a bit of Cara Dee in the sense of a dark romance tied with a feel-good community. Justin's presence in Chadwick, Oregon brings about this community that is very much positive, helpful and friendly. I wavered between this working and not. I will say this, in the end I was sold on the community and began to look forward to seeing the future relationship that will evolve as the series continue.
The secondary characters are the weakest point of the story for me. They needed as much love and development as the mc's had. Especially the relationship between Justin and Sam ( BFF). Insta-friendship and hardcore involvement without enough scenes to ground the relationship made it fall flat for me.
There is also bit of a preachy nature to some of the dialogue that didn't quite work for me. Secondary characters to quick to give their two cents and Justin's nature to self analyze leading him to project onto others.
For the most part though these niggles were not enough to deter me from being completely invested in Justin's marriage. I enjoyed this. It sort of blended all the aspects of MM romance I like into one.
Dark romance
Small town vibe
Growly possessive male
Androgynous MC
Interracial characters
Healing/Comfort
Personal growth
Community impact
~
Fabulous debut novel, I look forward to reading more of C.P.Harris's work.
Trigger Warning:
October 15, 2020
Please heed the trigger warnings for this book.
In her debut novel, C.P. Harris takes readers on a sometimes harrowing, sometimes intensely erotic, but always enthralling journey along with a married couple dealing with the reality of one partner's dissociative identity disorder. While I have no frame of reference as to how accurate the portrayal is - it's been a long time since I read Sybil and When Rabbit Howls - the story is so compelling that I don't care how realistic it is. It felt real to me, and as a reader, that's all I ask for.
I did have a couple of quibbles early on but it was easy enough for me to overlook them since the rest of the story was so well written.
The non-DID partner, Justin, has his own set of mental heath issues and having both Blake and Damon as his husband fills a need for him. The story chronicles their experiences attempting to "merge" the personalities. Despite all the darkness and turmoil, there's hope here, plenty of romance, and profound emotional growth of both partners.
Harris' mature prose and vividly drawn characters drew me along and kept me interested through the twists and turns of the story. I cared deeply about these men and the other people in the story and if this is what's in store for the other Chadwick books, I'm eager to get to them.
In her debut novel, C.P. Harris takes readers on a sometimes harrowing, sometimes intensely erotic, but always enthralling journey along with a married couple dealing with the reality of one partner's dissociative identity disorder. While I have no frame of reference as to how accurate the portrayal is - it's been a long time since I read Sybil and When Rabbit Howls - the story is so compelling that I don't care how realistic it is. It felt real to me, and as a reader, that's all I ask for.
I did have a couple of quibbles early on but it was easy enough for me to overlook them since the rest of the story was so well written.
The non-DID partner, Justin, has his own set of mental heath issues and having both Blake and Damon as his husband fills a need for him. The story chronicles their experiences attempting to "merge" the personalities. Despite all the darkness and turmoil, there's hope here, plenty of romance, and profound emotional growth of both partners.
Harris' mature prose and vividly drawn characters drew me along and kept me interested through the twists and turns of the story. I cared deeply about these men and the other people in the story and if this is what's in store for the other Chadwick books, I'm eager to get to them.
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dnf
December 6, 2020DNF @ 34%
Loved, loved, loved the plot idea very much but it turned out several of the details incorporated in the story progression weren't for me.
Loved, loved, loved the plot idea very much but it turned out several of the details incorporated in the story progression weren't for me.
dnf
March 6, 2025dnf @ 28%
“and you’re looking for me to tell you you’re not going anywhere. i’d even go as far as to say you want me to keep you here by force. by any means necessary, right?”
yes, actually, but you’re refusing so gonna dnf for now.
“and you’re looking for me to tell you you’re not going anywhere. i’d even go as far as to say you want me to keep you here by force. by any means necessary, right?”
yes, actually, but you’re refusing so gonna dnf for now.
November 21, 2023
RTC cos it's midnight but i am ugly crying and not even remotely okay so basically it was perfect to me
June 6, 2020
I'm not sure about 'Surviving the Merge' but...
I was pretty damned happy when I realized that 'I survived this book'. It's been a while since I've read a book that had the emotional impact on me that this one did.
I'm just going to take a minute to give a little bit of personal background here because I honestly feel that it's relevant to the story as it relates to my response to it. I spent nearly 20 years working in healthcare in one form or another and while I don't profess to be an expert on any level about any specific condition, I am, however, familiar with a number of physical and mental health issues well enough to know that most medical conditions have general guidelines as to conditions, symptoms, etc. each case is unique to the individual. But for me the most important thing about this story was that the author treated the issues with the consideration and regard that they deserved.
When this book first crossed my path I read the blurb was intrigued but decided that time didn't permit...that lasted maybe a day or two I re-read the blurb and decided that I needed to read this book. Sometimes first decisions aren't the best decisions.
While the blurb for this book intrigued me, it didn't prepare me for the emotional journey traveled by the characters. I adored Justin, loving someone...anyone can be a challenge at the best of times but loving Damon/Blake was a commitment that not every one would be able or willing to make and Justin not only loved them, he was able to see and appreciate what each of them brought to the relationship and held the strength of commitment and desire to work things out no matter how challenging they got.
Damon was definitely the character who intrigued me the most for so many reasons that I'd love to go into but won't. However, it was Blake who broke me and in the end it was Blake's sacrifice that saved them all (that's right you'll need to read the book if you want to know more).
There were times that the writing in this story held an intangible quality that left me feeling like I'd maybe missed something...I wasn't confused by things, it was more this slight niggle in my brain that I'd read the words, I understood the words but still missed something in the meaning and normally this would at the very least be frustrating for me but in the case of this particular story it fit and all I can say in regard to this is that if you choose to read this story and find yourself having that feeling...have faith and keep reading because sometimes what we think we see is only an illusion hiding a reality that we can't see and truthfully no matter how you look at it in the end each of these men were unwavering in their commitment to their relationship.
"Surviving the Merge" was not only Ms Harris's first novel in the "Chadwick" series, it was her first novel and of course it was also my first time reading anything by this author. What it thankfully isn't is the last novel in the "Chadwick" series or by this author or the last novel that I'll be reading by this author and I am very much anticipating finding out how things continue to go for Justin, Damon/Blake and what if anything will happen between Max and Ash, the kids at the community center and even Sam (Samantha) and while I would have liked a bit more development between her and Justin before they became BFFs, the focus of this story for me was entirely Justin, Damon/Blake and anything else I'm willing to wait for.
*************************
A copy of 'Surviving the Merge' was graciously provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.
I was pretty damned happy when I realized that 'I survived this book'. It's been a while since I've read a book that had the emotional impact on me that this one did.
I'm just going to take a minute to give a little bit of personal background here because I honestly feel that it's relevant to the story as it relates to my response to it. I spent nearly 20 years working in healthcare in one form or another and while I don't profess to be an expert on any level about any specific condition, I am, however, familiar with a number of physical and mental health issues well enough to know that most medical conditions have general guidelines as to conditions, symptoms, etc. each case is unique to the individual. But for me the most important thing about this story was that the author treated the issues with the consideration and regard that they deserved.
When this book first crossed my path I read the blurb was intrigued but decided that time didn't permit...that lasted maybe a day or two I re-read the blurb and decided that I needed to read this book. Sometimes first decisions aren't the best decisions.
While the blurb for this book intrigued me, it didn't prepare me for the emotional journey traveled by the characters. I adored Justin, loving someone...anyone can be a challenge at the best of times but loving Damon/Blake was a commitment that not every one would be able or willing to make and Justin not only loved them, he was able to see and appreciate what each of them brought to the relationship and held the strength of commitment and desire to work things out no matter how challenging they got.
Damon was definitely the character who intrigued me the most for so many reasons that I'd love to go into but won't. However, it was Blake who broke me and in the end it was Blake's sacrifice that saved them all (that's right you'll need to read the book if you want to know more).
There were times that the writing in this story held an intangible quality that left me feeling like I'd maybe missed something...I wasn't confused by things, it was more this slight niggle in my brain that I'd read the words, I understood the words but still missed something in the meaning and normally this would at the very least be frustrating for me but in the case of this particular story it fit and all I can say in regard to this is that if you choose to read this story and find yourself having that feeling...have faith and keep reading because sometimes what we think we see is only an illusion hiding a reality that we can't see and truthfully no matter how you look at it in the end each of these men were unwavering in their commitment to their relationship.
"Surviving the Merge" was not only Ms Harris's first novel in the "Chadwick" series, it was her first novel and of course it was also my first time reading anything by this author. What it thankfully isn't is the last novel in the "Chadwick" series or by this author or the last novel that I'll be reading by this author and I am very much anticipating finding out how things continue to go for Justin, Damon/Blake and what if anything will happen between Max and Ash, the kids at the community center and even Sam (Samantha) and while I would have liked a bit more development between her and Justin before they became BFFs, the focus of this story for me was entirely Justin, Damon/Blake and anything else I'm willing to wait for.
*************************
A copy of 'Surviving the Merge' was graciously provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.
August 21, 2020
***Highly Painfully Recommend***
For fans of #NoHoldsBarredRomance #HurtComfort #heartbreak
I literally just finished this rollercoaster of a book... but maybe the word #Journey describes this better than a mere "book".
Why read this book....
- There are three people involved in this book, but there is no love triangle or cheating.
- The writing is phenomenal, the characters engaging, the plot and its development so intricately woven.
- This book will make you cry and then cry some more. But the handful of smiles it also grants you are worth the pain and heartbreak.
- There is an HEA, but it's bittersweet for sure. If you're like me, you'll struggle to simultaneously finish reading and taking a break. It is that good, that painful, and that confusing.
#happyReading
For fans of #NoHoldsBarredRomance #HurtComfort #heartbreak
I literally just finished this rollercoaster of a book... but maybe the word #Journey describes this better than a mere "book".
Why read this book....
- There are three people involved in this book, but there is no love triangle or cheating.
- The writing is phenomenal, the characters engaging, the plot and its development so intricately woven.
- This book will make you cry and then cry some more. But the handful of smiles it also grants you are worth the pain and heartbreak.
- There is an HEA, but it's bittersweet for sure. If you're like me, you'll struggle to simultaneously finish reading and taking a break. It is that good, that painful, and that confusing.
#happyReading
May 30, 2020
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐❤❤❤❤❤
I can't find the perfect word to describe how much I loved this book. It was more then perfect.
Perfect writing style, awesome characters, full with emotions. And I'm a sucker for mental illness, and DID is one of my weakness to read about - and this was so well written! The author did an amazing job writing about this, the whole story was more then amazing.
I started to read it without reading the blurb and known nothing about this. So it was a surprise to find out everything and it blew my mind away page after page.
It was really good to watch both personality and how Justin handled them both. I loved Blake and Damon too, but there were times it was really hard to read and I was at the edge of crying for them. I hurt for them so much and eventually I was happy for them. But there was a point when I wanted to cry and never stop, because it was like someone had died... just as Justin thought. It was really sad but so well written. I still want to cry if I think about that scene.
I miss Blake.
I couldn't put the book down, I read it in one go and I just want more. I need more stories like this. And more from the author!
Justin, Blake and Damon will stay with me forever - I treasure this book.
HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
I can't find the perfect word to describe how much I loved this book. It was more then perfect.
Perfect writing style, awesome characters, full with emotions. And I'm a sucker for mental illness, and DID is one of my weakness to read about - and this was so well written! The author did an amazing job writing about this, the whole story was more then amazing.
I started to read it without reading the blurb and known nothing about this. So it was a surprise to find out everything and it blew my mind away page after page.
It was really good to watch both personality and how Justin handled them both. I loved Blake and Damon too, but there were times it was really hard to read and I was at the edge of crying for them. I hurt for them so much and eventually I was happy for them. But there was a point when I wanted to cry and never stop, because it was like someone had died... just as Justin thought. It was really sad but so well written. I still want to cry if I think about that scene.
I miss Blake.
I couldn't put the book down, I read it in one go and I just want more. I need more stories like this. And more from the author!
Justin, Blake and Damon will stay with me forever - I treasure this book.
HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
May 30, 2020
4.5 stars!!
July 9, 2024
Recommended and also frustrating. Mixed feelings but ultimately worth reading.
First, yes, I recommend this book. It features a unique situation and includes some on-fire incendiary possessive toxic love, which I LOVE. The tension between heroes is strong and I was intrigued for much of the book and glad to read it.
Heads up for those who like to have info on any cheating elements. There’s NO cheating in the present timeline (though there is one minor borderline interaction); however, there is cheating in the backstory, and it’s between the MCs and had a life-altering impact on their relationship.
Knowing this was a debut book, I went along with a lot of conceits in day-to-day details of the heroes’ situation. Jobs, pastimes, finances, and one crucial back story element (the wedding/marriage) are underdeveloped or unclear, including how MC1’s demanding job would allow time for him to moonlight as a regular club dancer and how MC2 is a CEO and so wealthy at such a young age. I suspended disbelief and focused on the present-day relationship dynamics—the romance—which is what I read for.
MC1, Justin, is married and very much committed to a man living with dissociative identity disorder. MC2 has 2 alters, Damon and Blake, and when one is in control, the other is not conscious. For now. Damon and Blake both want Justin to the point of obsession, but their personalities are distinct and fill different needs for Justin. Blake, who’s been solely present with Justin for most of the past 5 years, is the sweet, caring man who supports and loves Justin unconditionally. Damon is the edgy, intense, obsessive personality who will take Justin to pieces in the way he needs (yes, tons of hot steamy times, with both personalities!), and leave Blake to put him back together again. But something happened 5 years ago that sent Damon into stasis, and Blake and Justin haven’t heard from him since. Until about 4 months ago.
They know why, and the reader finds out as layers are peeled back. 5 years ago, two devastating things happened, sending Justin into a horrific spiral ending in him surviving SA (NOT by the other hero, the perp is never revealed/caught/focused on) and attempted su1cide. TWs for both, though it’s backstory. 4 months ago, Justin went in search of what he realized he was missing, precipitating Damon’s return, and now they face the question of whether Damon and Blake can be integrated back into a unified personality with traits of both alters. Justin and Blake’s unique expert therapist (strong, complex character) thinks Yes. But it’s going to take courage, trust and a lot of work. And convincing Damon to try.
The romance in the present is fascinating, passionate, and moving. That’s not the frustrating part. It’s missing details and motivations that muddy up what could have been an outstanding story.
I was disappointed that there was almost no info on when and in what circumstances the heroes got married. None. It was…before the major event of 5 years ago? I think? So, they were in college? Not yet in college? Which alter was present for the marriage, Blake or Damon? I think Damon? Maybe? Is that important? It felt like it should be, given the decisions around the marriage in the present, but we’re left mainly in the dark. What specifically drove them to marry? We never find out. And apparently the wedding scene was cut and can be read elsewhere, but, I’d like to argue that it was a crucial detail for the conflict and plot, and is actually needed to help this novel resonate. That’s not extraneous detail and was missed for supporting the finale and resolution.
I had so many questions on details. How is Justin both one of the youngest ballet masters ever—a hugely responsible position, very demanding—and a regular pole dancer in a club, frequent enough that he’s a top dancer who gets his own stage/pole and private room whenever he happens to show up? How can Justin take leave from his job just weeks before a crucial performance with no qualms, no indication of caring about the performers who count on him, not even remember when the performance is—it’s weird. And unprofessional. And when circumstances change, how can Justin afford to rent a separate second apartment—one he never even uses for more than a few nights—and own a house? Does Justin not need an income? I figured out Blake is wealthy, but, how? They’re pretty young, why/how is he a corporate executive with all this money? What’s his talent, his passion? What’s Damon’s, for that matter? Who are these guys?
Justin rents that apartment but barely uses it, goes to live in his house, develops a fraught relationship with a neighbor, and agrees to take over as dance instructor at the local community center—for how long? Is this permanent/a new career? It’s not a job to take lightly, those kids need stability. There is a lot of change, and not much clarified/developed, you just have to suspend disbelief. While it was necessary for Justin to have space to learn who he is apart from Blake/Damon, the circumstances were odd. So I just went with it. Justin also makes a sudden best friend (a very cool character) after not having anyone close besides Damon/Blake for so long, but the relationship impacts the plot in a way that undercut the ending of the book.
Learning the truth about what really happened 5 years ago didn’t fully ring true; the inciting incident seemed out of character and contrived for drama; however, the SA circumstances were painfully credible and heartbreaking. That part felt authentic. But in the present, the side character who was part of the inciting incident all those years ago showed up out of nowhere for one bizarre scene and then disappeared, resolving nothing and leaving me more confused. How’d that person even know to be there? What was the point?
As noted, the ending is undercut by the focus on a secondary character who has nothing to do with the merge or the romantic conflict. Instead of facing and resolving the things in the past that had such tremendous impact on the present, and focusing on the merge of the alters and what that new balance is—which is what I signed up for—the focus is on a random episodic event that doesn’t tie to any of it. The dark/bleak moment didn’t build on the MCs’ relationship conflict, and it took the focus off the heroes’ changing dynamic. And the entire point of the book—merging Damon and Blake—was overlooked and simplified in a way that, again, left me confused.
Longwinded review. STILL, the book is unique, the characters intriguing, and, for this layperson, the DID was presented authentically. And this author, for all the myriad things I critiqued in the work, rouses my emotions in an unusual way. She’s very talented.
As noted—I was advised that there is no cheating in the book, however, cheating is the backstory catalyst for much of the present-day drama, so, it does involve cheating in a pivotal way that didn’t feel resolved. No one even apologized, and it felt undealt with even in the end. Maybe the takeaway is that they went through so much, the past didn’t matter anymore? But, the nebulous resolution around it is still bothering me.
Anyway. That was one heck of a ramble, and bottom line? Read it for yourself and see what you think. Unless deliberate cheating between MCs is a trigger for you, as it often is me. It’s still bugging me.
HEA, but due to unresolved things, it wasn’t satisfying. And it could have been. Hence…frustrating!
First, yes, I recommend this book. It features a unique situation and includes some on-fire incendiary possessive toxic love, which I LOVE. The tension between heroes is strong and I was intrigued for much of the book and glad to read it.
Heads up for those who like to have info on any cheating elements. There’s NO cheating in the present timeline (though there is one minor borderline interaction); however, there is cheating in the backstory, and it’s between the MCs and had a life-altering impact on their relationship.
Knowing this was a debut book, I went along with a lot of conceits in day-to-day details of the heroes’ situation. Jobs, pastimes, finances, and one crucial back story element (the wedding/marriage) are underdeveloped or unclear, including how MC1’s demanding job would allow time for him to moonlight as a regular club dancer and how MC2 is a CEO and so wealthy at such a young age. I suspended disbelief and focused on the present-day relationship dynamics—the romance—which is what I read for.
MC1, Justin, is married and very much committed to a man living with dissociative identity disorder. MC2 has 2 alters, Damon and Blake, and when one is in control, the other is not conscious. For now. Damon and Blake both want Justin to the point of obsession, but their personalities are distinct and fill different needs for Justin. Blake, who’s been solely present with Justin for most of the past 5 years, is the sweet, caring man who supports and loves Justin unconditionally. Damon is the edgy, intense, obsessive personality who will take Justin to pieces in the way he needs (yes, tons of hot steamy times, with both personalities!), and leave Blake to put him back together again. But something happened 5 years ago that sent Damon into stasis, and Blake and Justin haven’t heard from him since. Until about 4 months ago.
They know why, and the reader finds out as layers are peeled back. 5 years ago, two devastating things happened, sending Justin into a horrific spiral ending in him surviving SA (NOT by the other hero, the perp is never revealed/caught/focused on) and attempted su1cide. TWs for both, though it’s backstory. 4 months ago, Justin went in search of what he realized he was missing, precipitating Damon’s return, and now they face the question of whether Damon and Blake can be integrated back into a unified personality with traits of both alters. Justin and Blake’s unique expert therapist (strong, complex character) thinks Yes. But it’s going to take courage, trust and a lot of work. And convincing Damon to try.
The romance in the present is fascinating, passionate, and moving. That’s not the frustrating part. It’s missing details and motivations that muddy up what could have been an outstanding story.
I was disappointed that there was almost no info on when and in what circumstances the heroes got married. None. It was…before the major event of 5 years ago? I think? So, they were in college? Not yet in college? Which alter was present for the marriage, Blake or Damon? I think Damon? Maybe? Is that important? It felt like it should be, given the decisions around the marriage in the present, but we’re left mainly in the dark. What specifically drove them to marry? We never find out. And apparently the wedding scene was cut and can be read elsewhere, but, I’d like to argue that it was a crucial detail for the conflict and plot, and is actually needed to help this novel resonate. That’s not extraneous detail and was missed for supporting the finale and resolution.
I had so many questions on details. How is Justin both one of the youngest ballet masters ever—a hugely responsible position, very demanding—and a regular pole dancer in a club, frequent enough that he’s a top dancer who gets his own stage/pole and private room whenever he happens to show up? How can Justin take leave from his job just weeks before a crucial performance with no qualms, no indication of caring about the performers who count on him, not even remember when the performance is—it’s weird. And unprofessional. And when circumstances change, how can Justin afford to rent a separate second apartment—one he never even uses for more than a few nights—and own a house? Does Justin not need an income? I figured out Blake is wealthy, but, how? They’re pretty young, why/how is he a corporate executive with all this money? What’s his talent, his passion? What’s Damon’s, for that matter? Who are these guys?
Justin rents that apartment but barely uses it, goes to live in his house, develops a fraught relationship with a neighbor, and agrees to take over as dance instructor at the local community center—for how long? Is this permanent/a new career? It’s not a job to take lightly, those kids need stability. There is a lot of change, and not much clarified/developed, you just have to suspend disbelief. While it was necessary for Justin to have space to learn who he is apart from Blake/Damon, the circumstances were odd. So I just went with it. Justin also makes a sudden best friend (a very cool character) after not having anyone close besides Damon/Blake for so long, but the relationship impacts the plot in a way that undercut the ending of the book.
Learning the truth about what really happened 5 years ago didn’t fully ring true; the inciting incident seemed out of character and contrived for drama; however, the SA circumstances were painfully credible and heartbreaking. That part felt authentic. But in the present, the side character who was part of the inciting incident all those years ago showed up out of nowhere for one bizarre scene and then disappeared, resolving nothing and leaving me more confused. How’d that person even know to be there? What was the point?
As noted, the ending is undercut by the focus on a secondary character who has nothing to do with the merge or the romantic conflict. Instead of facing and resolving the things in the past that had such tremendous impact on the present, and focusing on the merge of the alters and what that new balance is—which is what I signed up for—the focus is on a random episodic event that doesn’t tie to any of it. The dark/bleak moment didn’t build on the MCs’ relationship conflict, and it took the focus off the heroes’ changing dynamic. And the entire point of the book—merging Damon and Blake—was overlooked and simplified in a way that, again, left me confused.
Longwinded review. STILL, the book is unique, the characters intriguing, and, for this layperson, the DID was presented authentically. And this author, for all the myriad things I critiqued in the work, rouses my emotions in an unusual way. She’s very talented.
As noted—I was advised that there is no cheating in the book, however, cheating is the backstory catalyst for much of the present-day drama, so, it does involve cheating in a pivotal way that didn’t feel resolved. No one even apologized, and it felt undealt with even in the end. Maybe the takeaway is that they went through so much, the past didn’t matter anymore? But, the nebulous resolution around it is still bothering me.
Anyway. That was one heck of a ramble, and bottom line? Read it for yourself and see what you think. Unless deliberate cheating between MCs is a trigger for you, as it often is me. It’s still bugging me.
HEA, but due to unresolved things, it wasn’t satisfying. And it could have been. Hence…frustrating!
nope-not-for-me-not-interested
September 10, 2020I’ll admit I avoided the reviews...thinking that this was somehow a book about surviving a future after the apocalypse or something to that effect. Alas, this is not. And while the writing was good. The setup intriguing. Once I realised what was going on I just didn’t want to go there.
I fear the angst and pain.
I fear the angst and pain.
May 27, 2020
I feel like this book is my baby. It has everything i like in a book all put together in one place. If im able to get a physical copy of this book one day picture LoTR's Gollum moments.
This is not an easy love story - there is nothing easy and lighthearted about this books romance and love story, it is harsh, intense, and painful at times. And i loved every moment of that. I am an angst whore. Give me a book that tears my heart out and puts it back in misshaped and i'll forever love you.
Plus as usual in my reviews....it doesn't hurt that the sex is hot AF.
" “Had I remembered you had an early morning at the office today, we wouldn’t have stayed up late... talking.”
“Yeah. Talking.”
He smirked before taking a sip. I blushed. "
Guys please - you are really making a girl jealous here...my advice is a cold shower after each chapter...
I have not so shamefully read and re-read and re-read. I dont write reviews for books i've just enjoyed, i write reviews for books i gorged on and can never forget.
I cannot wait to find out more about the side characters - im glad they didn't take over the book and this was for D and J - but now i need more!
I love putting in quotes of my favourite parts in my reviews but i really cant with this book 1) you need to read it without any spoilers, go into this with an empty mind 2) i dont think its appropriate to highlight an entire book in your review? Is that allowed? :D
*an advanced copy was provided by the author for an honest review - ARC*
This is not an easy love story - there is nothing easy and lighthearted about this books romance and love story, it is harsh, intense, and painful at times. And i loved every moment of that. I am an angst whore. Give me a book that tears my heart out and puts it back in misshaped and i'll forever love you.
Plus as usual in my reviews....it doesn't hurt that the sex is hot AF.
" “Had I remembered you had an early morning at the office today, we wouldn’t have stayed up late... talking.”
“Yeah. Talking.”
He smirked before taking a sip. I blushed. "
Guys please - you are really making a girl jealous here...my advice is a cold shower after each chapter...
I have not so shamefully read and re-read and re-read. I dont write reviews for books i've just enjoyed, i write reviews for books i gorged on and can never forget.
I cannot wait to find out more about the side characters - im glad they didn't take over the book and this was for D and J - but now i need more!
I love putting in quotes of my favourite parts in my reviews but i really cant with this book 1) you need to read it without any spoilers, go into this with an empty mind 2) i dont think its appropriate to highlight an entire book in your review? Is that allowed? :D
*an advanced copy was provided by the author for an honest review - ARC*
Read
August 26, 2021i liked it but not really
if u wanna know what this’s about, read the blurb. but essentially it’s ab Justin and Blake/Damon. at first it was Justin-Damon in a relationship. but something happened and, shows up Blake :
”Justin and I picked up the pieces and moved on, and Damon goes unseen and unheard of for five years. Now he’s back. The difference now is that when he’s back, I’m gone. Not only when they’re intimate. I lose time completely, until he leaves.”
this was my first DID book (wouldnt be last after this) and the way Blake described him & his alter, Damon was cool
He shook his head. “That’s when I felt Damon. The feeling is hard to describe, like two forces on opposing sides of a door. One trying to push it open and the other struggling to keep it closed. In my moment of weakness, he got through. I was shut out at that point.”
when we started the book, Justin and Blake have been married for years (with no damon on sight) but now they decided to merge Blake/Damon into one person (justin’s in love w both of them and he misses the other evil half i guess). Damon was the toxic partner outta the two of them but later on we see more sweet sides of him. it was clear tho that he was the main love interest :
’I sighed. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Damon was an oversized child. That, in between the anger, lay a deep need to be loved and wanted.’
He watched me closely, still hovering above me. “You love him more than me, don’t you?”
“Damon, please don’t be ridiculous,” I said with more than a touch of exasperation.
“I don’t feel wanted here. You’re not the least bit happy to see me. I thought…”
Vulnerability and insecurity were rare traits to see on Damon’s surface. Whenever feelings such as those were required, he would usually retreat. Damon did have his moments, though, however rare and short-lived they may have been.
and this was why justin didnt feel ‘enough’ w only Blake and needed Damon :
”I love that I don’t have to decide with you. You giving me no choice helps me to dissemble that I don’t want whatever sick and depraved thing you do to me.” I ground my shaft against his hard abs; his eyes turned into black pools of lava. “It turns me on when you force me to obey an order or when you treat me like you hate me. I’m addicted to your twistedness. To the air that you breathe.”
from how i see it, Justin was in love w Damon. but Damon is so toxic that sometimes he needed a break from him and Blake was the perfect option (which i didnt like)
’Damon never said what he truly meant. Not when it came to the affairs of the heart. The rare moments when he attempted to always led to a shift. No different now, but I was a pro at reading between his lines.
’This isn’t a fucking game, Just.’
Translation: I’m miserable without you. Please, talk to me.
’For your sake, you’d better be in one piece when I find you.’
His way of saying I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re safe.
’Julie insists on us sticking to therapy, with or without you, but what’s the fucking point?’
What he really meant: I’m trying, but I’m scared it’ll all be for nothing if you leave.’
“What are you going to do? Hold me all night?” I asked, sarcastically.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. We’re going to cuddle,” he finished, awkwardly.
“Blake? Are you... what the hell is happening here?” I struggled to break free.
Damon rose to a sitting position, allowing me to face him. “Are you trying to say I’ve never held you before?” he asked, indignantly. And if I wasn’t coming down from my sudden terror, I might’ve appreciated his pinched but adorable expression.
“Does held me down count as holding?” I rested back on my elbows, looking up into his unamused face. “Because if it does, then yeah, you’ve held me more times than I can count.”
“Will you shut up and lay down?” he snarled.”
i didnt skim for the first half bcs i was (mostly) really engaged in the story, at some point i even considered this as a 4 stars read. but speculations only get u so far. i didnt dislike it, but the other half got boring to me & made me lose interest pretty quickly. justin’s friendship with sam felt forced and the whole drama about her was yawn.
at the very least, i needed more sweet moments / cute heartwarming scenes from damon (like the ones i quoted. we got glimpses of it in the beginning so my expectations were high) but yeah, it just ended up there were more sex than what i wanted.
this is why imo marriage in trouble book should not be too long. while i was interested in damon more than i did blake, i think justin woulda been happier w blake and the merging felt rushed idk
June 8, 2020
OMFG!!! This is one of the most fantastic, amazing, bittersweet, poignant, grab-you-by-the-feels, powerful, intense, incredible, emotionally charged, tug-at-your-heartstrings, make-me-shed-tears-of-both-joy-and-sadness, raw, gritty, gripping, enthralling, compelling, completely unexpected, unconventional, definitely different, heartbreaking, no holds barred, nail biting, keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat, honest, frank, original, unique, smoldering, and totally awesome stories that I've ever read. Filled with more twists and turns than a roller coaster, it had me hooked from beginning to end, and I read it in one sitting because I just could NOT put it down. Please read the trigger warnings and stock up on tissues before you decide to read this marvelous masterpiece. This is a debut book for this author, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
July 8, 2020
This was an impressive debut novel for a new author! The story was very engaging and kept me wanting more and more from these men. It wasn't a light and fluffy read, more raw and edgy. Even so, the soft and sweet side to this story balanced it out perfectly. I found the characters likable, some a little over the top, but we all have different levels of energy. Ms. Harris pulled at my heartstrings pretty well and that makes for a good read in my book.
There were a few things here and there that didn't seem fluid, but considering this was her first rodeo I am definitely intrigued to find out how the rest of this series will go. I think I'm pretty sure who the next book will involve, but I look forward to seeing if she takes a different spin on their type of relationship. Bravo Ms. Harris, you have gained a new fan!
There were a few things here and there that didn't seem fluid, but considering this was her first rodeo I am definitely intrigued to find out how the rest of this series will go. I think I'm pretty sure who the next book will involve, but I look forward to seeing if she takes a different spin on their type of relationship. Bravo Ms. Harris, you have gained a new fan!
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