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Impossible Marriages Redeemed: They Didn't End the Story in the Middle
The message of the culture is When things get REALLY bad in a marriage, the best, and even only, thing to do is to divorce and "move on." The message of the contemporary Church is not much different, although Catholics (both ordained and lay) might advise annulment after the civil divorce and before the "moving on." The 65 stories in this book tell of a different A way of Christlike faithfulness and solemn commitment to one's sacred promises--something that was common (or at least considered honorable and right) in eras past, but which seems forgotten today. If the world is telling you (or if you are telling friends and family) to walk away from a marriage, read this book first. As a requested follow-up to the remarkable Primal The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak, this book will supply the hope, motivation, and tools needed to keep a marriage and family intact and on the road to true redemption. The vast majority of the stories in this book are anonymous. Most are recounted by the spouses themselves or by the grateful children of once-disastrous unions, while two or three are told by other close family members. The first section of this book contains 50 stories of redemption--the details of marriages that went through the wringer and survived. Some of those marriages turned blissful, some merely content, but all were redeemed. The vast majority of contributors are female. This same phenomenon occurred in Primal Loss, and you mustn't read anything more into that fact than Women, due to their more verbal and relational nature, are much more likely than men to respond to and execute a request to tell a personal, emotional relationship story. In no way should we take this imbalance to mean that men are more often the "bad guys" in marital break-up. In fact, today, women are much more likely to file for divorce than men, a statistic that is largely explained by the pervasive and corrosive influence of feminist ideology, which grossly misunderstands and/or deliberately rejects sexual complementarity and the meaning and order of marriage—all of which is a story (or a book) for another day. Readers should go in knowing that for every woman writing her story, there is a man who has his own difficult tale that never made it from his heart to the page.The second, smaller section of the book contains 15 stories of "standers"--those wives or husbands who have chosen to stand for their marriage vows despite complete abandonment by their spouses. Even the Church seems to have forgotten these few courageous souls, who are often patted on the head, scolded, or even deemed emotionally unhealthy for not "moving on" to find that shiny new romance themselves. The profound sacrifice of these lonely but faithful souls makes the rest of us uncomfortable, yet we need to honor them as heroic witnesses for matrimony. As St. John Paul II said in Familiaris Consortio (83): "[T]heir example of fidelity and Christian consistency takes on particular value as a witness before the world and the Church." These faithful spouses know well what Christ is asking, and it's no less than a share of His saving cross, that, while rough-hewn and heavy, is made light with His grace, and with the knowledge that the cross alone leads to glory and salvation—and to union with our True Spouse.
234 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 25, 2020
38 people are currently reading
60 people want to read
About the author
Leila Miller
13 books23 followersLeila Miller is a wife and mother of eight children who has a penchant for writing and a passion for teaching the Catholic Faith in simple ways. This summa cum laude Boston College graduate also enjoys debating secularists, and in her spare time she fancies herself a bit of a Catholic matchmaker. She manages two blogs that accommodate those hobbies well: Little Catholic Bubble, and the invite-only Catholic Moms Matchmaking.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
June 15, 2020
I kept hearing about this book prior to its publication. My own parents divorced. I have a brother who is twice divorced. And Have watched friends and family struggle in marriage, separations and divorce. I have known some who desperately believed in the sanctity of marriage, and others who have been married multiple times. And I couldn't help but think about 20 Answers Divorce & Remarriage by Jim Blackburn. But this book is not about the theology in the Catholic Tradition. It is about stories. Personal stories. Some just a few sentences, and a some a few pages. It is 75 stories.
These 75 stories are told by one of the members of the couple, by their children and in a few cases by others. Bishop Athanasius Schneider states in the introduction:
“The present book, “Impossible” Marriages Redeemed, edited by Leila Miller, proclaims and demonstrates convincingly and movingly the truths that conjugal crises can be healed and that the cross of difficult or, humanly spoken, “impossible” marriages bears many spiritual fruits in the eyes of God and eternity. I trust that this book will bring light and spiritual strength to wounded marriages and families, and may they in a special manner be protected by the Holy Family: by Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.”
The sections in this volume are:
How This Book Came To Be
Forward
Introduction
How to Read This Book
Section One: The Redeemed
Section Two: The Standers
Prayers for Marriages in Crisis
Resources
Acknowledgements
Endnotes
In the forward Philip F. Lawler states:
“This is a book full of heroes.
What is a hero, if not someone who makes sacrifices for another? In this book we have the testimony of people who have sacrificed their comfort and their pride to save their marriages, for the sake of their spouses and their children.
Most of the people who contributed to this book don’t think of themselves as heroes, I’m sure. They may still be struggling from the lingering influence of neighbors and relatives and friends and even pastors who advised them to look out for themselves, to escape an unhappy situation. They may think of themselves merely as survivors.”
And further he states:
“When a marriage seems to have broken down, the options can seem like a binary, on/off choice: to end it or to slog on joylessly. Not so. There is a third and better option: to dig down, solve the problems, and renew the loving relationship on a deeper, stronger foundation.”
The two main sections of the book are The Redeemed and the Standers. The first group worked through their issues, sometimes, including separations, affairs, in some cases even civil unions. But in the end they worked things out and their vows were recommitted and the marriage restored. The second section is The Standers, there are people who believe that their vow cannot be dissolved, civilly or spiritually. And even if their spouse remarries, they choose not to enter a new relationship because of their vows.
Many of these stories are hard to read. The pain, angst, and trials some of these couples have gone through are deeply moving. The book brought me to tears on a few occasions. Reading these stories, I could not help but think about families I know. Some in very similar circumstances. A cousin twice divorced, who is seeking to get married a third time in the church. A brother going through a second divorce. And friends who have been devastated by divorces.
These stories will give hope, encouragement, and inspiration. The stories include clergy and marriage tribunals siding with the person wanting out. Some include church law not being enforced. And some include abuse. But all provide hope.
An important read in this day and age.
Read the review on my blog Book Reviews and More.
Note: This book is part of a series of reviews: 2020 Catholic Reading Plan!
These 75 stories are told by one of the members of the couple, by their children and in a few cases by others. Bishop Athanasius Schneider states in the introduction:
“The present book, “Impossible” Marriages Redeemed, edited by Leila Miller, proclaims and demonstrates convincingly and movingly the truths that conjugal crises can be healed and that the cross of difficult or, humanly spoken, “impossible” marriages bears many spiritual fruits in the eyes of God and eternity. I trust that this book will bring light and spiritual strength to wounded marriages and families, and may they in a special manner be protected by the Holy Family: by Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.”
The sections in this volume are:
How This Book Came To Be
Forward
Introduction
How to Read This Book
Section One: The Redeemed
Section Two: The Standers
Prayers for Marriages in Crisis
Resources
Acknowledgements
Endnotes
In the forward Philip F. Lawler states:
“This is a book full of heroes.
What is a hero, if not someone who makes sacrifices for another? In this book we have the testimony of people who have sacrificed their comfort and their pride to save their marriages, for the sake of their spouses and their children.
Most of the people who contributed to this book don’t think of themselves as heroes, I’m sure. They may still be struggling from the lingering influence of neighbors and relatives and friends and even pastors who advised them to look out for themselves, to escape an unhappy situation. They may think of themselves merely as survivors.”
And further he states:
“When a marriage seems to have broken down, the options can seem like a binary, on/off choice: to end it or to slog on joylessly. Not so. There is a third and better option: to dig down, solve the problems, and renew the loving relationship on a deeper, stronger foundation.”
The two main sections of the book are The Redeemed and the Standers. The first group worked through their issues, sometimes, including separations, affairs, in some cases even civil unions. But in the end they worked things out and their vows were recommitted and the marriage restored. The second section is The Standers, there are people who believe that their vow cannot be dissolved, civilly or spiritually. And even if their spouse remarries, they choose not to enter a new relationship because of their vows.
Many of these stories are hard to read. The pain, angst, and trials some of these couples have gone through are deeply moving. The book brought me to tears on a few occasions. Reading these stories, I could not help but think about families I know. Some in very similar circumstances. A cousin twice divorced, who is seeking to get married a third time in the church. A brother going through a second divorce. And friends who have been devastated by divorces.
These stories will give hope, encouragement, and inspiration. The stories include clergy and marriage tribunals siding with the person wanting out. Some include church law not being enforced. And some include abuse. But all provide hope.
An important read in this day and age.
Read the review on my blog Book Reviews and More.
Note: This book is part of a series of reviews: 2020 Catholic Reading Plan!
February 25, 2021
No marriage is beyond hope
This is an incredible collection of stories. Despite being tales full of suffering, it is one of the most encouraging things I have ever read. After reading this, I truly believe no marriage is beyond the hope of redemption and reconciliation.
This book is divided into two parts. The first section details stories of marriages that were broken, but persevere and were redeemed. And these marriages truly run the gamut: marriages that start out terrible, marriages that start out “perfect”, infidelity, financial ruin, addiction, mental illness. A few actually go through a civil divorce before reconciling. There are 50 stories in all, and in each one the couple finds healing and reconciliation—sometimes after a decade or more of brokenness.
The second part is 15 stories of spouses who were abandoned (sometimes divorced), but who stuck by their marital vows. Having these at the end is especially stark after reading the dysfunction and suffering of the previous stories, because these are mostly low-conflict breakdowns, where one spouse is simply no longer in love with the other. The heroic steadfastness of these spouses is just beautiful to read.
I highly recommend this book, to everyone—but perhaps most of all to those family, friends, and clergy who have the ability to support troubled marriages. Our society does a grand disservice when we encourage unhappy couples to divorce. Nowhere in the marriage vows do couples promise to be faithful only until one was unhappy, or only until one of wanted out, or only as long as one does not cheat, suffer addiction, or severe mental illness. Troubled marriages need our support, and this book makes clear just how important that support can be.
This is an incredible collection of stories. Despite being tales full of suffering, it is one of the most encouraging things I have ever read. After reading this, I truly believe no marriage is beyond the hope of redemption and reconciliation.
This book is divided into two parts. The first section details stories of marriages that were broken, but persevere and were redeemed. And these marriages truly run the gamut: marriages that start out terrible, marriages that start out “perfect”, infidelity, financial ruin, addiction, mental illness. A few actually go through a civil divorce before reconciling. There are 50 stories in all, and in each one the couple finds healing and reconciliation—sometimes after a decade or more of brokenness.
The second part is 15 stories of spouses who were abandoned (sometimes divorced), but who stuck by their marital vows. Having these at the end is especially stark after reading the dysfunction and suffering of the previous stories, because these are mostly low-conflict breakdowns, where one spouse is simply no longer in love with the other. The heroic steadfastness of these spouses is just beautiful to read.
I highly recommend this book, to everyone—but perhaps most of all to those family, friends, and clergy who have the ability to support troubled marriages. Our society does a grand disservice when we encourage unhappy couples to divorce. Nowhere in the marriage vows do couples promise to be faithful only until one was unhappy, or only until one of wanted out, or only as long as one does not cheat, suffer addiction, or severe mental illness. Troubled marriages need our support, and this book makes clear just how important that support can be.
April 21, 2020
The first section contains first hand stories of troubled marriages which lean into the sacrament of marriage and by God’s Grace survive. Adultery, addiction, incompatibility are overcome by prayer and commitment to the indissolubility of marriage.
The second section contains examples of an even more incomprehensible group of “stander”— abandoned spouses who refuse to give up on their marriages and continue to pray and love their wayward partners.
This is a must read for anyone in a troubled marriage, priests and bishops who work with broken marriages within their flocks, and anyone who would give counsel to family or friends encountering marital strife.
The second section contains examples of an even more incomprehensible group of “stander”— abandoned spouses who refuse to give up on their marriages and continue to pray and love their wayward partners.
This is a must read for anyone in a troubled marriage, priests and bishops who work with broken marriages within their flocks, and anyone who would give counsel to family or friends encountering marital strife.
June 27, 2023
The first half of the book consists of various stories of marriages that were on the brink of divorce and, by the grace of God, were restored. This part of the book is very encouraging for any marriage that is struggling. The second half of the book tells the stories of "Standers," those who choose to stand by their marriage vow even when their spouse does not. This part is counter-cultural, even counter-cultural within the Church. However, it encourages those of us who have chosen to "Stand" to be faithful to our Lord and the vows that we made to Him. There is no other book like this one that I know about. (It is from a Catholic point-of-view.)
October 8, 2020
This is a book that the Church and the world desperately need right now. The Church has got to start taking marriage more seriously. This book features the stories of brave individuals who took their vows seriously and refused to give up on their marriages, no matter how difficult, and even when abandoned entirely by the other spouse. This book, along with Primal Loss, should be given out by the caseload at every parish. If your marriage is in trouble, consider giving this book a read. Thank-you once again, Leila Miller, for bravely taking on an issue that the Church has downplayed for far too long.
February 2, 2026
Stumbled upon this book... woah! It is truly unlike anything I've read before and totally counter cultural in this no-fault-divorce world. How do you remain saintly in extremely difficult marriage situations (abuse, adultery, addition, ect)? We have no practical role models for that today.
This book is a collection of 65 stories of people who remained committed to their marriage in the face of the worst possible events. In most cases, the marriage was eventually healed and redeemed, but in some the individual was left remaining faithful to the marriage vows while their spouse got a civil divorce, remarried and "went on" with their life.
The stories are heavy. I read a few every morning with my morning prayer time. It gave me a valuable perspective shift and set me up to appreciate the things in my life. It offers an incredibly vulnerable look into the private lives of 65 different couples. It also gave me some valuable wisdom: What types of things can trip up the marriage of otherwise faithful and holy couples? How do you find your way back from the brink? Or from absolutely going over the brink? What does it look like to dwell there? Pondering these things definitely helped fortify me in my own faith life and marriage.
Grateful this book was written. It is a hard read, but offers a perspective you won't easily find elsewhere.
This book is a collection of 65 stories of people who remained committed to their marriage in the face of the worst possible events. In most cases, the marriage was eventually healed and redeemed, but in some the individual was left remaining faithful to the marriage vows while their spouse got a civil divorce, remarried and "went on" with their life.
The stories are heavy. I read a few every morning with my morning prayer time. It gave me a valuable perspective shift and set me up to appreciate the things in my life. It offers an incredibly vulnerable look into the private lives of 65 different couples. It also gave me some valuable wisdom: What types of things can trip up the marriage of otherwise faithful and holy couples? How do you find your way back from the brink? Or from absolutely going over the brink? What does it look like to dwell there? Pondering these things definitely helped fortify me in my own faith life and marriage.
Grateful this book was written. It is a hard read, but offers a perspective you won't easily find elsewhere.
April 10, 2020
My five stars aren’t for the writing quality, but for the compelling nature of this book. People need to hear stories like this more often. God can redeem anything. I am inspired by the endurance of the contributors, and their commitment to their vows in times of serious trial and in some cases, abandonment. If more people understood what marriage is, like these people do, and lived accordingly, it would change the world in a single generation.
Something that alarmed me in this book is how most of the couples encountered weak or dissenting priests and bishops, who did not uphold the Church’s understanding of marriage vows. What a shame. I count such failures as substantially responsible for the breakdown of some marriages.
On a more positive note, these stories also show the power of support networks that uphold the indissolubility of marriage. Friends and family can have significant influence, for better or worse. I am so glad this book exists, and grateful for the bravery of the contributors. May they receive their eternal reward for upholding the truth.
Something that alarmed me in this book is how most of the couples encountered weak or dissenting priests and bishops, who did not uphold the Church’s understanding of marriage vows. What a shame. I count such failures as substantially responsible for the breakdown of some marriages.
On a more positive note, these stories also show the power of support networks that uphold the indissolubility of marriage. Friends and family can have significant influence, for better or worse. I am so glad this book exists, and grateful for the bravery of the contributors. May they receive their eternal reward for upholding the truth.
December 1, 2023
Really amazing and heartbreaking but beautiful stories.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews