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How to They/Them: A Visual Guide to Nonbinary Pronouns and the World of Gender Fluidity
Ever wonder what nonbinary or gender nonconforming really mean? And how the heck do you use they/them pronouns for just one person? Isn't it supposed to be plural?
This charming and disarming guide unpacks all these questions and more with a fun, visual approach. From a real-deal they/them-using genderqueer writer, this book makes it humorous and easy to learn so that everyone can get it. No soap boxes or divisive comment section wars here. Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, always human, this 101 primer is about more than just bathrooms and pronouns. It's about gender expression and the freedom to choose how to identify. While they might only be for some, that freedom is for everyone!
This charming and disarming guide unpacks all these questions and more with a fun, visual approach. From a real-deal they/them-using genderqueer writer, this book makes it humorous and easy to learn so that everyone can get it. No soap boxes or divisive comment section wars here. Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, always human, this 101 primer is about more than just bathrooms and pronouns. It's about gender expression and the freedom to choose how to identify. While they might only be for some, that freedom is for everyone!
240 pages, Hardcover
First published September 29, 2020
44 people are currently reading
1503 people want to read
About the author
Stuart Getty
1 book11 followersStuart Getty loves to dance, swim, skate, and explore ideas with a big heart. They work as a writer and strategist, but has been a creative director/copywriter and filmmaker for more than a decade. They have basically committed their whole life to the craft of the written word. And making people smile.
Their first book, "How to They/Them" all started with a film and the fact that everyone just wants to talk about they/them pronouns and all the ins and outs of gender identity. Stuart knew there was a need to be met, that people just had questions, and wanted to offer that space and vulnerability as a gift.
Their first book, "How to They/Them" all started with a film and the fact that everyone just wants to talk about they/them pronouns and all the ins and outs of gender identity. Stuart knew there was a need to be met, that people just had questions, and wanted to offer that space and vulnerability as a gift.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 341 reviews
June 28, 2021
decent for a 101! i think it falls short in a couple places — some of the definitions seem a bit too definitive for what the words actually are. i think when mentioning/defining “transsexual” you need to include that it’s contested language and many trans folks today are uncomfy with it, and Getty did not. there was a bit of outdated language imo, and also i wish we’d stop focusing on ~famous theys~ as ppl to look up to. but ig, like many trans-101-esque content, this does more or less what it needs to do, but it leans towards the assimilationist side, and i don’t feel personally connected to it.
July 16, 2020
5/5 for a job well done.
This is a visual guide to the use of they/them pronouns and the spectrum of gender identities.
That means that we have a complicated topic broken down in small and manageable chunks which are accompanied by illustrations and graphics to make understanding easier.
This is not a graphic novel in the sense of having a plot that you can watch and read at the same time.
I liked that the very first thing was a pronounciation guide for speaking them, because you know, the English th sound is not found in every language and in my schooling was considered the mark of a top-grade pupil. When speaking to German native speakers in English, sink and think sound the same in many cases.
After the introduction of the words we have an introduction of the author, Stuart, and their journey of self-discovery. In an academic text, this would be the "why the author thinks they have the knowledge and authority to speak on this topic", the introduction of the speaker.
It's important. I came for a non-cis person speaking about this topic because some cis people tell me what they think if I want to hear it or not.
The main part is divided in three:
- theory (sex assigned at birth, gender identity, sexual orientation)
- practise (what to answer upon grammatical questions or questions in general)
- fun observations (queer history) and not so fun observations (things that suck)
Since I am non binary and have had to do my research, this book told me only a few new things, like terms for non binary identities in different cultures. It's always fun to learn more!
But I think that this is a great guide. It's aimed at:
- enby peole seeking validation
- curious people seeking a comprehensible explanation
- teachers and parents who want to know how to approach this topic with children
- professionals that have non binary clients
- people who like doodles
It feels very inclusive. The history clearly states that the gender binary as we know it is a recent thing white people invented and that became big. The author tells us that when in doubt, just ask. When you make a mistake, apologise and go on. Just try to do your best.
Stuart even tells us that their view is that of a white westerner because that's what they are.
So, if you're wondering now if you should give this a go, I'd say yes.
If you're further wondering what my pronouns are: They/them. If you want to tell me your preferred pronouns, go on, I'll listen.
I recieved a copy of this book in exchange for a honest review.
This is a visual guide to the use of they/them pronouns and the spectrum of gender identities.
That means that we have a complicated topic broken down in small and manageable chunks which are accompanied by illustrations and graphics to make understanding easier.
This is not a graphic novel in the sense of having a plot that you can watch and read at the same time.
I liked that the very first thing was a pronounciation guide for speaking them, because you know, the English th sound is not found in every language and in my schooling was considered the mark of a top-grade pupil. When speaking to German native speakers in English, sink and think sound the same in many cases.
After the introduction of the words we have an introduction of the author, Stuart, and their journey of self-discovery. In an academic text, this would be the "why the author thinks they have the knowledge and authority to speak on this topic", the introduction of the speaker.
It's important. I came for a non-cis person speaking about this topic because some cis people tell me what they think if I want to hear it or not.
The main part is divided in three:
- theory (sex assigned at birth, gender identity, sexual orientation)
- practise (what to answer upon grammatical questions or questions in general)
- fun observations (queer history) and not so fun observations (things that suck)
Since I am non binary and have had to do my research, this book told me only a few new things, like terms for non binary identities in different cultures. It's always fun to learn more!
But I think that this is a great guide. It's aimed at:
- enby peole seeking validation
- curious people seeking a comprehensible explanation
- teachers and parents who want to know how to approach this topic with children
- professionals that have non binary clients
- people who like doodles
It feels very inclusive. The history clearly states that the gender binary as we know it is a recent thing white people invented and that became big. The author tells us that when in doubt, just ask. When you make a mistake, apologise and go on. Just try to do your best.
Stuart even tells us that their view is that of a white westerner because that's what they are.
So, if you're wondering now if you should give this a go, I'd say yes.
If you're further wondering what my pronouns are: They/them. If you want to tell me your preferred pronouns, go on, I'll listen.
I recieved a copy of this book in exchange for a honest review.
February 20, 2021
This was a very helpful book with simple and clear illustrations. It was very helpful how the author explained about gender and sexuality. It was also a very fast read.
September 5, 2020
3.75/5 Stars
This has an incredible amount of useful information as a primer for folks who are not familiar with nonbinary people and they/them pronoun usage. I definitely do not want to disregard the fact that this information is important and well-articulated. They go into so much history, but not in a way that takes too long or goes into some less relevant areas (I know it can be hard to cut out things that feel important even though they're tangential!). I also think that the way they use their own experience works really well for the writing style that they have. It also makes the topic seem a lot less heavy, which can be really important for an intro book like this.
However, I did have a couple of issues with the text. The main one was audience. The book is very informal and full of jokes and humor. I would assume that this would be more middle grade or on the younger side of YA. But, there is some information that seems geared towards adults (such as how to talk to kids about they/them pronouns and how to use gender neutral language in the workplace), as well as some sexual jokes that are toeing the line of inappropriate for the younger group that I assumed the book was for. I think that the humor would make it harder for adults to take seriously, which is a shame because the information is so important.
A couple of smaller points: there are also a few times where they used "they" as a placeholder for "nonbinary" or "people who use they" which might be confusing for some people, and I would have liked to see some acknowledgement that some nonbinary people use "she" or "he" a bit earlier on (it is mentioned but only once and a decent way through the book).
All of that being said, I still think this book is a great resource. I would recommend it, probably for teens and parents. I know I critiqued the fact that I was unclear about the audience, but the way that it ended up being written lends itself well to a parent/child buddy read, which is really great.
I was given an ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review
This has an incredible amount of useful information as a primer for folks who are not familiar with nonbinary people and they/them pronoun usage. I definitely do not want to disregard the fact that this information is important and well-articulated. They go into so much history, but not in a way that takes too long or goes into some less relevant areas (I know it can be hard to cut out things that feel important even though they're tangential!). I also think that the way they use their own experience works really well for the writing style that they have. It also makes the topic seem a lot less heavy, which can be really important for an intro book like this.
However, I did have a couple of issues with the text. The main one was audience. The book is very informal and full of jokes and humor. I would assume that this would be more middle grade or on the younger side of YA. But, there is some information that seems geared towards adults (such as how to talk to kids about they/them pronouns and how to use gender neutral language in the workplace), as well as some sexual jokes that are toeing the line of inappropriate for the younger group that I assumed the book was for. I think that the humor would make it harder for adults to take seriously, which is a shame because the information is so important.
A couple of smaller points: there are also a few times where they used "they" as a placeholder for "nonbinary" or "people who use they" which might be confusing for some people, and I would have liked to see some acknowledgement that some nonbinary people use "she" or "he" a bit earlier on (it is mentioned but only once and a decent way through the book).
All of that being said, I still think this book is a great resource. I would recommend it, probably for teens and parents. I know I critiqued the fact that I was unclear about the audience, but the way that it ended up being written lends itself well to a parent/child buddy read, which is really great.
I was given an ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review
November 24, 2023
The author's purpose is to teach others to "queer" the language, that is, to transgress its normal modes of vocabulary and grammar. This is an excellent example of postmodern theory in action: the role of the individual is to see through and break free from all cultural norms and deconstruct them.
The author advocates for the author's own "truths," another postmodern notion, since objective truth is said to be nonexistent; only personal, subjective truth exists. If one should try to build a civilization in which each of billions of individuals determines reality, it will be complete chaos, which is the ultimate goal.
Never mind that cultural norms and scientific knowledge have evolved over millennia of human experience; they must all be jettisoned immediately to optimize the most narcissistic, attention-seeking, individualistic behavior; common good be damned; no objective truth is possible; it's all socially constructed false consciousness! The empirical fact of biological sex, as well as logic, reason, and the scientific method itself are all baseless and mere tools and methods of oppression. The social media age is all about attracting gaze; public presence is to be courted; the private sphere to be avoided (many posit this is why the birth rate is declining: career feminism, being in the public eye, takes precedence over care feminism in the less visible domestic sphere).
For Gender-Identity ideologues, gender becomes nothing more than social performance, despite the sex-based actions of our fellow primates that correlate with gender norms, despite the facts that females become pregnant, give birth, and nurse the young; and more aggressive, larger males have better chances to pass on their genes.
In the 1970s, we sought to break down gender stereotypes about behaviors, characteristics, and thoughts; in the 2010s and 2020s, gender-identity ideologues reinforce them and, worse, impose them on children, telling them that if they do not correspond to the full set of stereotypes, they were born in the wrong body and should seek medical treatment or must be non-binary.
Let us be abundantly clear: this is not progress, this is a wholesale regression.
I taught women's studies in the university in the early 1990s. I taught the conceptual difference between biological sex and cultural gender in order for students to understand that biology was not destiny and that we all naturally flout some gendered expectations and adhere to others. I never dreamed that this theoretical framework would become reified in the way that it has so that there would be a 4000% increase in the number of girls seeking to change their biological sex. This is, of course, impossible since we all produce either large gametes (eggs) or motile, small gametes (sperm) and have XX or XY chromosomes in each and every cell. Human beings are sexually dimorphic, male or female. Period. And Stuart identifies as a lesbian. A lesbian is a biological female attracted to other biological females. One of the problems with the Gender-Identity ideology is that it insists that lesbians must be willing to have sex with anyone who "identifies" as a female, regardless of genitalia, or be labeled bigots and transphobes. Many lesbians see this as a reversion to the horrors of conversion rape therapy.
During adolescence, a time we used to understand as a period of trying on identities, with the full assistance and support of those who should be protecting them, too many girls seek to remove healthy tissue and organs and render themselves infertile and incapable of a normal sexed life. The reasons are multiple, as described in my other reviews. If gender is nothing more than social performance and biological sex has no meaning, why seek surgical and pharmaceutical redress?
Contrast what scientists know, what humans have known for millennia, and what 99.99% of humans know to be true with the statement of Trans Student Education Resources, echoed in the book, “Biological sex is an ambiguous word that has no scale and no meaning besides that it is related to some sex characteristics. It is also harmful to trans people. Instead, we prefer ‘sex assigned at birth’ which provides a more accurate description of what biological sex may be trying to communicate.” Biological sex is not "assigned at birth;" it is grounded in objective, measurable, replicable and tangible evidence, regardless of who is observing or where the observation is made, just as a skeleton will be identified as male or female millennia after its burial.
Certainly, anyone has the right to request a pronoun: he, she, ze, they, Your Majesty, Your Lordship/Ladyship, Supreme Leader, etc., just as anyone has the right to refuse the request. Compelling an individual to state as true (pronouns referring to sex) that which is empirically false is a dangerous form of coercion no better than that of Mao and Stalin.
This is a handbook to Gender-Identity Ideology, presented as "fact," since facts are just someone's "personal truth" in this postmodern era. Thus, its claims are both unprovable and unfalsifiable, a goal of postmodernism and critical theory. To wit:
"Only a third of the world's languages include gendered pronouns." Yes, but those languages are spoken by almost the entire world's population: English, Mandarin, Hindi, the Romance languages, Russian, Urdu, and more. To make changes to the languages spoken by the majority of human beings to accommodate this tiny minority is utter absurdity, a fool's errand. Democracy is based on the rule by the majority; changing the focus to tiny vocal minorities erodes democracy.
"One in 1500 individuals is born intersex." No. Intersex properly includes "those conditions in which (a) the phenotype is not classifiable as either male or female, or (b) chromosomal sex is inconsistent with phenotypic sex....It should not include "LOCAH, vaginal agenesis, Turner’s syndrome, Klinefelter’s syndrome, and other non-XX and non-XY aneuploldies." In this case, .–the incidence of intersex drops to 0.018%, almost 100 times lower than the estimate provided by Fausto-Sterling...about 50,000 true intersexuals living in the United States. These individuals are of course entitled to the same expert care and consideration that all patients deserve. Nothing is gained, however, by pretending that there are 5,000,000 such individuals."-- Leonard Sax, MD/PhD.
As for pronouns, a person addressing me directly will use my name or "you;" in my absence, they are likely to use my name, which is clearly female to most residents of the USA, and speakers of English and Romance, Slavic, and Scandinavian languages, and Greek. The pronoun they use to describe me when I am not present is frankly not my affair. It's clear from most, though not all, people's names in English what pronouns are appropriate. The listing of preferred pronouns in email signatures is empty virtue signaling and does not help gender dysphoric people in any way. Pronouns are intended to describe sex, not someone's imagined and invented "Gender Identity," which can be anything from unicorn to tree in 2023.
The well done illustrations by Brooke Thyng, are a highlight of this book.
Let's defend reality and empiricism and put this nonsensical and likely to be brief (but not brief enough) chapter of human history behind us.
The author advocates for the author's own "truths," another postmodern notion, since objective truth is said to be nonexistent; only personal, subjective truth exists. If one should try to build a civilization in which each of billions of individuals determines reality, it will be complete chaos, which is the ultimate goal.
Never mind that cultural norms and scientific knowledge have evolved over millennia of human experience; they must all be jettisoned immediately to optimize the most narcissistic, attention-seeking, individualistic behavior; common good be damned; no objective truth is possible; it's all socially constructed false consciousness! The empirical fact of biological sex, as well as logic, reason, and the scientific method itself are all baseless and mere tools and methods of oppression. The social media age is all about attracting gaze; public presence is to be courted; the private sphere to be avoided (many posit this is why the birth rate is declining: career feminism, being in the public eye, takes precedence over care feminism in the less visible domestic sphere).
For Gender-Identity ideologues, gender becomes nothing more than social performance, despite the sex-based actions of our fellow primates that correlate with gender norms, despite the facts that females become pregnant, give birth, and nurse the young; and more aggressive, larger males have better chances to pass on their genes.
In the 1970s, we sought to break down gender stereotypes about behaviors, characteristics, and thoughts; in the 2010s and 2020s, gender-identity ideologues reinforce them and, worse, impose them on children, telling them that if they do not correspond to the full set of stereotypes, they were born in the wrong body and should seek medical treatment or must be non-binary.
Let us be abundantly clear: this is not progress, this is a wholesale regression.
I taught women's studies in the university in the early 1990s. I taught the conceptual difference between biological sex and cultural gender in order for students to understand that biology was not destiny and that we all naturally flout some gendered expectations and adhere to others. I never dreamed that this theoretical framework would become reified in the way that it has so that there would be a 4000% increase in the number of girls seeking to change their biological sex. This is, of course, impossible since we all produce either large gametes (eggs) or motile, small gametes (sperm) and have XX or XY chromosomes in each and every cell. Human beings are sexually dimorphic, male or female. Period. And Stuart identifies as a lesbian. A lesbian is a biological female attracted to other biological females. One of the problems with the Gender-Identity ideology is that it insists that lesbians must be willing to have sex with anyone who "identifies" as a female, regardless of genitalia, or be labeled bigots and transphobes. Many lesbians see this as a reversion to the horrors of conversion rape therapy.
During adolescence, a time we used to understand as a period of trying on identities, with the full assistance and support of those who should be protecting them, too many girls seek to remove healthy tissue and organs and render themselves infertile and incapable of a normal sexed life. The reasons are multiple, as described in my other reviews. If gender is nothing more than social performance and biological sex has no meaning, why seek surgical and pharmaceutical redress?
Contrast what scientists know, what humans have known for millennia, and what 99.99% of humans know to be true with the statement of Trans Student Education Resources, echoed in the book, “Biological sex is an ambiguous word that has no scale and no meaning besides that it is related to some sex characteristics. It is also harmful to trans people. Instead, we prefer ‘sex assigned at birth’ which provides a more accurate description of what biological sex may be trying to communicate.” Biological sex is not "assigned at birth;" it is grounded in objective, measurable, replicable and tangible evidence, regardless of who is observing or where the observation is made, just as a skeleton will be identified as male or female millennia after its burial.
Certainly, anyone has the right to request a pronoun: he, she, ze, they, Your Majesty, Your Lordship/Ladyship, Supreme Leader, etc., just as anyone has the right to refuse the request. Compelling an individual to state as true (pronouns referring to sex) that which is empirically false is a dangerous form of coercion no better than that of Mao and Stalin.
This is a handbook to Gender-Identity Ideology, presented as "fact," since facts are just someone's "personal truth" in this postmodern era. Thus, its claims are both unprovable and unfalsifiable, a goal of postmodernism and critical theory. To wit:
"Only a third of the world's languages include gendered pronouns." Yes, but those languages are spoken by almost the entire world's population: English, Mandarin, Hindi, the Romance languages, Russian, Urdu, and more. To make changes to the languages spoken by the majority of human beings to accommodate this tiny minority is utter absurdity, a fool's errand. Democracy is based on the rule by the majority; changing the focus to tiny vocal minorities erodes democracy.
"One in 1500 individuals is born intersex." No. Intersex properly includes "those conditions in which (a) the phenotype is not classifiable as either male or female, or (b) chromosomal sex is inconsistent with phenotypic sex....It should not include "LOCAH, vaginal agenesis, Turner’s syndrome, Klinefelter’s syndrome, and other non-XX and non-XY aneuploldies." In this case, .–the incidence of intersex drops to 0.018%, almost 100 times lower than the estimate provided by Fausto-Sterling...about 50,000 true intersexuals living in the United States. These individuals are of course entitled to the same expert care and consideration that all patients deserve. Nothing is gained, however, by pretending that there are 5,000,000 such individuals."-- Leonard Sax, MD/PhD.
As for pronouns, a person addressing me directly will use my name or "you;" in my absence, they are likely to use my name, which is clearly female to most residents of the USA, and speakers of English and Romance, Slavic, and Scandinavian languages, and Greek. The pronoun they use to describe me when I am not present is frankly not my affair. It's clear from most, though not all, people's names in English what pronouns are appropriate. The listing of preferred pronouns in email signatures is empty virtue signaling and does not help gender dysphoric people in any way. Pronouns are intended to describe sex, not someone's imagined and invented "Gender Identity," which can be anything from unicorn to tree in 2023.
The well done illustrations by Brooke Thyng, are a highlight of this book.
Let's defend reality and empiricism and put this nonsensical and likely to be brief (but not brief enough) chapter of human history behind us.
September 13, 2020
(Review copy provided by netgalley)
I found this to be an excellent and important guide for anyone who wants to learn more about pronouns and gender identity. It’s really accessible in how straightforward it is, tackles it all with humor and how visual it is. I think it also works as a good reference book to just have on hand. It’s also a very quick read. I can’t recommend it enough.
The eARC had some formatting issues that had jumbled up some of the text, but I got the idea of what the author had intended with the illustrations and visual aspect of it. And I think it will work really well in the final copy. I fully intend on buying myself a copy when it’s out!
I found this to be an excellent and important guide for anyone who wants to learn more about pronouns and gender identity. It’s really accessible in how straightforward it is, tackles it all with humor and how visual it is. I think it also works as a good reference book to just have on hand. It’s also a very quick read. I can’t recommend it enough.
The eARC had some formatting issues that had jumbled up some of the text, but I got the idea of what the author had intended with the illustrations and visual aspect of it. And I think it will work really well in the final copy. I fully intend on buying myself a copy when it’s out!
October 26, 2020
This guide is actually a gift. People who aren't fluent in gender talk, don't know how to address it, or even understand it. Some find the conversation surrounding it patronizing and alienating, some say it's overly complicated. Some really want to understand and educate themselves. but don't know how and where to start.
ENTERS "HOW TO THEY THEM"!
I'm a graphic designer, so let's start with the visual aspect of this book - WOHOOOW. The graphic design is so simple yet so point-on. The punk rock eleganza is everything I needed it to be. It allows complex topics to be explained in a simple and not condescending way. I know some people see gender talk as tedious, so this element of the book is helpful to smooth it out and lure the readers in.
I loved how the author eases you into the nitty-gritty, more complex topics. The humorous tone, which I'm aware might feel a bit much to some, could be helpful when you address people who aren't fluent in gender studies. Though I'm not a nonbinary person, I am married to one, so I kinda wanted to skim through some parts, but eventually, this book is mostly directed to people who need and want to understand gender non-conforming identities, and for that, the small talk jokes could prove to be the difference between an eye roll and a small smile.
This is a great book to pick up if you want to educate yourselves on gender nonconforming identities, and of course, nonbinary people.
I was given an eARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review!
ENTERS "HOW TO THEY THEM"!
I'm a graphic designer, so let's start with the visual aspect of this book - WOHOOOW. The graphic design is so simple yet so point-on. The punk rock eleganza is everything I needed it to be. It allows complex topics to be explained in a simple and not condescending way. I know some people see gender talk as tedious, so this element of the book is helpful to smooth it out and lure the readers in.
I loved how the author eases you into the nitty-gritty, more complex topics. The humorous tone, which I'm aware might feel a bit much to some, could be helpful when you address people who aren't fluent in gender studies. Though I'm not a nonbinary person, I am married to one, so I kinda wanted to skim through some parts, but eventually, this book is mostly directed to people who need and want to understand gender non-conforming identities, and for that, the small talk jokes could prove to be the difference between an eye roll and a small smile.
This is a great book to pick up if you want to educate yourselves on gender nonconforming identities, and of course, nonbinary people.
I was given an eARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review!
September 22, 2020
This was a great guide that is perfect for allys wanting to be more inclusive in their language as well as nonbinary+ people who want a guide that they can give to friends and family to help explain their pronouns and identity. It’s a quick read, but packs a lot of blunt info into it through faq’s, vignettes, and visuals (mainly of the doodled type).
Getty focuses mainly on genders and the breaking of the binary system, how nonbinary folks come in literally all presentations, pronouns, and identities, and touches on how biological characteristics and sexual attraction are their own things not necessarily related to gender identity.
Nonbinary had always confused me as an identity before because it has always seemed so broad but indecisive, but the way it was presented here made it a lot clearer to me. It’s not indecisive, it’s choosing not to adhere to the either/or of the gender binary which is a decision itself!
While pronouns are just one part of an identity, it’s a vitally important part, as it’s almost like a second name for a person. When in doubt, ask politely, don’t assume, and make an effort. Grammar and language is always evolving, and this small evolution–a new definition of the words they & them–is something that can help a huge group of people feel seen and understood.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a free copy to review!
(Cross posted on
Getty focuses mainly on genders and the breaking of the binary system, how nonbinary folks come in literally all presentations, pronouns, and identities, and touches on how biological characteristics and sexual attraction are their own things not necessarily related to gender identity.
Nonbinary had always confused me as an identity before because it has always seemed so broad but indecisive, but the way it was presented here made it a lot clearer to me. It’s not indecisive, it’s choosing not to adhere to the either/or of the gender binary which is a decision itself!
While pronouns are just one part of an identity, it’s a vitally important part, as it’s almost like a second name for a person. When in doubt, ask politely, don’t assume, and make an effort. Grammar and language is always evolving, and this small evolution–a new definition of the words they & them–is something that can help a huge group of people feel seen and understood.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a free copy to review!
(Cross posted on
July 17, 2020
THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING. SUCH A DELIGHTFUL READ.
I wish this book was being taught at schools. It's enlightening, funny, and above all, significant. This book teaches us many, many things including:
- understanding gender fluidity
- explaining the difference of sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexuality, and more
- understanding how to support non-binary and genderqueer
- gender identity in other cultures and parts of the world
- AND SO MUCH MORE.
Gosh, this book is so precious. Everyone should be reading this, most especially straight and cisgender people.
And of course, kudos to the author and the illustrator! You made this book memorable.
Everyone please pre-order this, you won't regret it!
(I received an e-arc of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you so much Sasquatch Books!)
Find me elsewhere: Blog | Instagram | Twitter
I wish this book was being taught at schools. It's enlightening, funny, and above all, significant. This book teaches us many, many things including:
- understanding gender fluidity
- explaining the difference of sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexuality, and more
- understanding how to support non-binary and genderqueer
- gender identity in other cultures and parts of the world
- AND SO MUCH MORE.
Gosh, this book is so precious. Everyone should be reading this, most especially straight and cisgender people.
And of course, kudos to the author and the illustrator! You made this book memorable.
Everyone please pre-order this, you won't regret it!
(I received an e-arc of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you so much Sasquatch Books!)
Find me elsewhere: Blog | Instagram | Twitter
June 15, 2022
Very very informative in an easy to understand format
July 19, 2020
4.5/5
It’s important that we know how to be inclusive not only by our actions, but with the way we communicate with other people. This graphic novel explains in charming way how we can use they/them pronouns for non-binary folks and other people who might not found he/she accurate as their identity.
I happen to share the same vision as the writer: we should try our hardest to make this world a better, safer place for younger generations that don’t fit into the mold. We should constantly educate ourselves because language, gender identity, gender fluidity and life in itself are always evolving. What worked 50 years ago might be the opposite of what we need right now. So we have to stay with our eyes and hearts open.
That being said, to me the art style + the prose work perfectly because it feels like you’re just talking to a friend, and at the same time, it’s being informative. It explains a lot of terms that we often see in LGBTQ+ books and the way it addresses them is absolutely respectful.
I’m really happy to see that more queer authors are getting the attention they need and I’m glad I got the chance to read this book right now! I would totally recommend you to pick this up it you’re an ally but also, if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community.
I received and ARC in exchange for an honest review via NetGalley.
It’s important that we know how to be inclusive not only by our actions, but with the way we communicate with other people. This graphic novel explains in charming way how we can use they/them pronouns for non-binary folks and other people who might not found he/she accurate as their identity.
I happen to share the same vision as the writer: we should try our hardest to make this world a better, safer place for younger generations that don’t fit into the mold. We should constantly educate ourselves because language, gender identity, gender fluidity and life in itself are always evolving. What worked 50 years ago might be the opposite of what we need right now. So we have to stay with our eyes and hearts open.
That being said, to me the art style + the prose work perfectly because it feels like you’re just talking to a friend, and at the same time, it’s being informative. It explains a lot of terms that we often see in LGBTQ+ books and the way it addresses them is absolutely respectful.
I’m really happy to see that more queer authors are getting the attention they need and I’m glad I got the chance to read this book right now! I would totally recommend you to pick this up it you’re an ally but also, if you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community.
I received and ARC in exchange for an honest review via NetGalley.
July 20, 2020
This is a wonderful book for anyone who wants to educate themselves on the concepts of gender fluidity. As a cis-man who uses he/his pronouns, and as someone whose first language attributes gender to nouns, adjectives et cetera, I find it interesting how English is majorly a neutral language, and I love how broad the idea of “they” can be because of it. The author tells us their own personal story with becoming they and walks us through different situations in which we can be more inclusive and, basically, not act like a jerk. I got a copy through NetGalley on Non-Binary Pride Day and it really warmed my heart – I picked it up right away. I was really grateful for the opportunity to read more about an ENBY experience ad educate myself. Also, the illustrations were amazing!
I know that linguistic structures are hard for us to deconstruct the older we get, but after all, as my favorite quote from the book says: Language is constantly evolving. Are you?
I know that linguistic structures are hard for us to deconstruct the older we get, but after all, as my favorite quote from the book says: Language is constantly evolving. Are you?
December 4, 2020
I'm secretly writing a book, and one of the main POV characters is gender nonconforming. I've read a lot about this as I started writing because I wanted to make sure I was being always supportive and never harmful (really this character just showed up in my brain and this is who they are). Anyway, I came across this book at work (libraries!) and thought it would be a good supplement to read to make sure I'm getting things right (honestly, it's a sort of fantasy/sci-fi thing, so mostly this character just is and uses they/them and there are no further questions or reasoning, thank you).
This is a perfect introduction to hand someone if you are trying to explain all these concepts - it's not a huge time commitment, and it's wholesome and nice and there are some interesting history bits in there too. I might just have to buy a personal copy, which is saying A LOT (libraries!)
This is a perfect introduction to hand someone if you are trying to explain all these concepts - it's not a huge time commitment, and it's wholesome and nice and there are some interesting history bits in there too. I might just have to buy a personal copy, which is saying A LOT (libraries!)
August 19, 2020
Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for sending this to me!
A little guide containing all the dos and don'ts of they/them.
The writing style is fun and engaging, while still being very informative; the doodles and pictures really complete the experience.
It may not contain new information if you're someone involved in the LGBT+ community, but it's a really helpful tool for people who are just now dipping their toes into this topic.
A little guide containing all the dos and don'ts of they/them.
The writing style is fun and engaging, while still being very informative; the doodles and pictures really complete the experience.
It may not contain new information if you're someone involved in the LGBT+ community, but it's a really helpful tool for people who are just now dipping their toes into this topic.
July 22, 2021
Stuart Getty brings to vibrant life with humor and heart a how-to guide of understanding sex, gender identity, gender expression, sexuality, the differences, Q&A for common questions, trans history and the do's and do not's of successful communication.
A must-read for ANYONE who KNOWS or WORKS with a trans or nonbinary person. Simplified but positive, affirming and supportive! Very helpful tool and a must have for any hiring manager or person who may be curious or wanting more information.
A must-read for ANYONE who KNOWS or WORKS with a trans or nonbinary person. Simplified but positive, affirming and supportive! Very helpful tool and a must have for any hiring manager or person who may be curious or wanting more information.
August 3, 2021
I need a copy to hand out to everyone I come across. Also has some good tips for parents, teachers, and businesses. And some tips on how to talk to kids about pronouns!
June 6, 2023
While I think the humor may alienate some people, I think this would be a helpful resource to people who maybe need some guidance when it comes to trans people.
April 26, 2021
Great introduction to they/them pronouns. Very well written other than a few awkward sentences and the artwork and design of the pages is very well done.
February 23, 2022
I love this book. It makes me feel seen and happy and valid and it made me laugh and brings up a lot of great points and ways to create dialogue for people like me who use they/them pronouns. I gave it to my parents to read as well and I hope they find it helpful, too. Because while it was great for me to read, it was mostly stuff I already knew - but is always good to re-validate - but I'm hoping for my very straight and cis parents, it will help ease our conversations.
August 16, 2022
I think this book is a great start for those just beginning their journey of learning about non binary identities and pronouns. For people who are more familiar I still think it’s worth a read as well, but might not get as much from it.
January 9, 2024
Entering my trans lit era and sorry in advance that you’ll all have to suffer through that with me. This book was fun and quick, nothing I didn’t already know but enjoyed flipping through it
September 29, 2020
This Non-Fiction was everything I wanted it to be, but nothing more. In it Stuart Getty gives a nice introduction to the world of gender fluidity.
They start from square one with the important information on the difference between “The Big Three”: Sex Assigned at Birth, Gender Identity, and Sexual Orientation. This was a good way to start because this differentiation is where the difficulties in understanding this entire concept usually originate. I thought, it was quite easy to follow because Getty didn’t concern themself with going into too much detail at once. The pages are structured in a way that they don’t contain too much text and are accompanied by cute little illustrations that sometimes furthered the point and sometime just made me smile. In general, it kind of felt like a picture book for children and I was enjoying myself immensely reading it, even though sometimes the book felt a bit condescending (e.g. pretty much in the beginning it says: “Try it together now: T H + E Y. It’s literally that easy. For your mouth. But your brain – well, that’s a little harder. Don’t worry. I got you.”) Those who are picking up this book probably already want to educate themselves and being treated as if I was too dumb to even say the word “they” sort of peeved me.
Anyway, Getty continues with a chapter about the grammar of using nonbinary pronouns, which was what I was most interested in, because I wasn’t too sure, in which way they were supposed to be used: Do you say “they is…” or “they are…”? Do you say “they looked at themself…” or “they looked at themselves…”? After reading this book those questions are definitely answered, so I’m glad I was given the chance to educate myself.
After those general facts, in the last chapter Getty got into talking about some other “fun stuff (and some not-fun stuff)” like the history of the pronoun “they”, “things that suck for GNC folks” and some tips on what to do if someone is using the wrong pronouns etc. I liked that part as well, since it gives some practical advice on how to react if you get to know somebody from the queer community.
So, like I said, the book did what I expected it to do – and it is really important that books like this exist to educate people in an easy and accessible way – but I didn’t always love its execution. Also, while the linguistic part of this was quite interesting, unfortunately my native language isn’t English, so that I’m not quite sure if I will ever get the chance to actually apply my knowledge. I’ll just have to do my best to transfer it to German.
They start from square one with the important information on the difference between “The Big Three”: Sex Assigned at Birth, Gender Identity, and Sexual Orientation. This was a good way to start because this differentiation is where the difficulties in understanding this entire concept usually originate. I thought, it was quite easy to follow because Getty didn’t concern themself with going into too much detail at once. The pages are structured in a way that they don’t contain too much text and are accompanied by cute little illustrations that sometimes furthered the point and sometime just made me smile. In general, it kind of felt like a picture book for children and I was enjoying myself immensely reading it, even though sometimes the book felt a bit condescending (e.g. pretty much in the beginning it says: “Try it together now: T H + E Y. It’s literally that easy. For your mouth. But your brain – well, that’s a little harder. Don’t worry. I got you.”) Those who are picking up this book probably already want to educate themselves and being treated as if I was too dumb to even say the word “they” sort of peeved me.
Anyway, Getty continues with a chapter about the grammar of using nonbinary pronouns, which was what I was most interested in, because I wasn’t too sure, in which way they were supposed to be used: Do you say “they is…” or “they are…”? Do you say “they looked at themself…” or “they looked at themselves…”? After reading this book those questions are definitely answered, so I’m glad I was given the chance to educate myself.
After those general facts, in the last chapter Getty got into talking about some other “fun stuff (and some not-fun stuff)” like the history of the pronoun “they”, “things that suck for GNC folks” and some tips on what to do if someone is using the wrong pronouns etc. I liked that part as well, since it gives some practical advice on how to react if you get to know somebody from the queer community.
So, like I said, the book did what I expected it to do – and it is really important that books like this exist to educate people in an easy and accessible way – but I didn’t always love its execution. Also, while the linguistic part of this was quite interesting, unfortunately my native language isn’t English, so that I’m not quite sure if I will ever get the chance to actually apply my knowledge. I’ll just have to do my best to transfer it to German.
September 30, 2020
A great guide from the basics to more complex matters all around they/them pronouns and the people who might use them.
Find this review and more on the blog!
I liked the way it was illustrated and formatted. There is not much text per page, and the illustrations are simple. Both often cross the lines of where one page ends and another begins, which created a great flow and made it very engaging. It was an easy and fast read because of that which was great.
The writing fit that style. It was accessible not just from the way it started at the very basics, but also from the casuality of it and the humor it uses to ease you in. I did enjoy that humor, though I did find a couple jokes out of place, or maybe they just didn't hit the spot for me.
I liked the clear line it drew between gender and sexuality, which is something a lot of people still sort of struggle with. My favourite thing was that it repeatedly emphasized that every person is different, and that the same label or term can mean different things, and that it's always important to ask, while also noting that not everyone wants to be asked. It was also good that the author referred to themself and their own experience a lot, to show they are not universal while at the same time providing concrete examples.
I liked the focus on pronoun conversations, and how those can differ when you're talking to an adult versus talking to a kid, as well as that context and surrounding situation matters. It brought up things that I hadn't considered before.
Overall the book was rather on the surface on the most topics though. I would have liked more in-depth advice and examples and such especially on gender neutral language and how to deal with coming out.
Ultimately a great starter for both queer and non-queer people.
I received an ARC and reviewed honestly and voluntarily.
Find this review and more on the blog!
I liked the way it was illustrated and formatted. There is not much text per page, and the illustrations are simple. Both often cross the lines of where one page ends and another begins, which created a great flow and made it very engaging. It was an easy and fast read because of that which was great.
The writing fit that style. It was accessible not just from the way it started at the very basics, but also from the casuality of it and the humor it uses to ease you in. I did enjoy that humor, though I did find a couple jokes out of place, or maybe they just didn't hit the spot for me.
I liked the clear line it drew between gender and sexuality, which is something a lot of people still sort of struggle with. My favourite thing was that it repeatedly emphasized that every person is different, and that the same label or term can mean different things, and that it's always important to ask, while also noting that not everyone wants to be asked. It was also good that the author referred to themself and their own experience a lot, to show they are not universal while at the same time providing concrete examples.
I liked the focus on pronoun conversations, and how those can differ when you're talking to an adult versus talking to a kid, as well as that context and surrounding situation matters. It brought up things that I hadn't considered before.
Overall the book was rather on the surface on the most topics though. I would have liked more in-depth advice and examples and such especially on gender neutral language and how to deal with coming out.
Ultimately a great starter for both queer and non-queer people.
I received an ARC and reviewed honestly and voluntarily.
March 8, 2025
The world of genders for dummies (me). Fantastic!
In a simple way, the author explains the current situation and a bit of historical background of the reality of various genders. Non-binary, gender-fluidity etc. actually is nothing new. It's well forgotten/ oppressed/ ignored history.
The presentation is kind, funny (and with humor that doesn't get on my nerves), inviting and also very informative.
Besides that, the book debunks some myths. For instance, there are research that shows that high estrogen levels can show up in body hair, bursts of anger, and other attributes, most commonly associated with high testosterone levels, regardless the gender.
And much more!
One of the best gifts I have received. And not only because it is a book. It is a great reminder to be kind, and it contains bunch of easy manageable invitations, useful in my work as educator and in private life, such as - ask the pronouns regardless, because it brings awareness (and makes people safe if there actually is someone whose assumed gender doesn't match the gender they identify with); or correct people if they misgender someone, because these someone actually might be tired and sad of constantly editing others. It's nice to stand up for someone in these simple actions. Because
Asking for wider diversity of humans and life experiences lets people define for themselves what normal means.
Everyone deserves love and acceptance, and a bit of self-education can't harm this process. Smiley face (is how I feel during and after reading this book and writing this piece of opinion).
In a simple way, the author explains the current situation and a bit of historical background of the reality of various genders. Non-binary, gender-fluidity etc. actually is nothing new. It's well forgotten/ oppressed/ ignored history.
The presentation is kind, funny (and with humor that doesn't get on my nerves), inviting and also very informative.
Besides that, the book debunks some myths. For instance, there are research that shows that high estrogen levels can show up in body hair, bursts of anger, and other attributes, most commonly associated with high testosterone levels, regardless the gender.
And much more!
One of the best gifts I have received. And not only because it is a book. It is a great reminder to be kind, and it contains bunch of easy manageable invitations, useful in my work as educator and in private life, such as - ask the pronouns regardless, because it brings awareness (and makes people safe if there actually is someone whose assumed gender doesn't match the gender they identify with); or correct people if they misgender someone, because these someone actually might be tired and sad of constantly editing others. It's nice to stand up for someone in these simple actions. Because
Asking for wider diversity of humans and life experiences lets people define for themselves what normal means.
Everyone deserves love and acceptance, and a bit of self-education can't harm this process. Smiley face (is how I feel during and after reading this book and writing this piece of opinion).
October 6, 2021
I'm nonbinary and use they/them, so I'm going to be nitpicky in a way a cis reader can't be. This is absolutely meant for cis people, and will probably provide little value to trans/nonbinary readers (which isn't a bad thing!). I think it's a perfectly okay resource. It's a bit cheesy. I think Getty spoke a little too concretely, but to be fair they do mention that definitions for things are constantly changing and everyone is different.
My biggest gripe is the complete lack of works cited. Not everything needs a source; some knowledge is just kind of... gained from the community over time. You learn things from word of mouth. But the fact that zero references are included is mindboggling, considering they did included resources for readers to look into. For example, Getty includes a timeline that features historical instances of the singular they and other gender neutral pronouns; if you researched the topic enough to be able to provide dates, include those references!
My biggest gripe is the complete lack of works cited. Not everything needs a source; some knowledge is just kind of... gained from the community over time. You learn things from word of mouth. But the fact that zero references are included is mindboggling, considering they did included resources for readers to look into. For example, Getty includes a timeline that features historical instances of the singular they and other gender neutral pronouns; if you researched the topic enough to be able to provide dates, include those references!
July 18, 2020
Leído gracias a NetGalley :D (English below!)
Este libro estuvo genial. No solo porque es informativo, amable, gracioso y porque tiene un ritmo increíble, sino que además su autore escribió este libro tanto para personas cis ignorantes en la materia como para personas parte de la comunidad LGBTQIA+ que (siempre) tienen algo nuevo para aprender.
Como una mujer cis lesbiana, leer sobre temáticas de género es muy importante para mí. Leí muchos libros de/con temáticas LGBTQIA+ (ficción, no ficción, guías ilustradas como esta, etc) sobre orientación sexual y derivados, y sobre género en relación a hombres y mujeres trans, pero no lo suficiente sobre mis amigues no binaries y sus problemáticas, opiniones y luchas diarias. La verdad es que si bien no leí mucho sobre esto (y eso es totalmente mi culpa por no buscar lo suficiente), siento como si las temáticas no binarias no estuvieran tan presentes en la literatura sea cual sea el género (como sí están presentes en, por ejemplo, papers académicos), y "How to they/them" vino a llenar ese espacio (¡más bien uno de ellos! ¡Necesitamos más libros sobre temáticas y personas no binarias! ¡Siempre son bienvenides!).
No solo invito a quien esté leyendo esta reseña a leer este libro, sino que vuelvo a invitarle si sentís que ignorás mucho sobre temáticas de personas no binarias o tenés un montón de preguntas. Stuart, le autore, tiene una sección de preguntas frecuentes que me fueron muy útiles-- por ejemplo, hace algo de dos semanas aprendí de mi amigue no binarie que las personas no binarias son personas trans (porque vivimos en un mundo muy binario). Y adivinen qué: ¡este libro habló sobre eso! ¡Y sobre mucho más! ¡Soy un 96% menos ignorante sobre problemáticas y personas no binarias por haber leído este libro!
(En esa última parte parece que me burlo de esto, pero es posta. Solo hubo un par de temáticas que ya conocía o sobre las que ya estaba informada. La cantidad y la calidad de la información por estar contada de primera mano de es posta).
De verdad, le es útil a las personas cis y seguro que también a las personas no cis. Stuart nos invita a aprender pero también nos acepta bajo su ala y nos habla un poquito de historia LBTQIA+, un poquito sobre su viaje (que nunca termina), un poquito sobre todo. Nos da la oportunidad de educarnos mientras nos divertimos y además nos da un poco de esperanza: el idioma está cambiando, nosotres estamos cambiando, la sociedad está cambiando. Quizás (y ojalá) no tengamos que esperar a que pasen diez generaciones para ser un mundo más amable, además de una sociedad empoderante y libre en la que podamos ser quienes somos, felices y orgulloses de serlo, sin tener que explicarnos.
Para cualquier amigue LGBTQIA+ leyendo esto: te queremos acá. Tenés una familia dentro de la comunidad LGBTQIA+. Nuestros brazos están abiertos (y damos muy buenos abrazos).
------✄------
This book was incredible. Not only because it's informative, kind, funny and it's got a great rythm, but also because its author wrote this book for cis people both ignorant on the matter and people part of the LGBTQIA+ community that (always) need to learn more and better.
As a cis she/her lesbian, reading about gender is really important for me. I've read a lot LGBTQIA+ books (fiction, non fiction, illustrated guides like this one, etc) on sexual orientation and whatnot, and gender regarding trans women and men, but not enough on my non binary friends and their struggles, opinions and daily fights. Truth is that even if I didn't read much on the matter (and that's totally my fault for not searching hard enough), I also feel as if the non binary topics are not that present on books no matter the genre (as it might be, for example, on papers), and "How to they/them" came to fill that space (more like one of the spaces! We need more books on non binary topics and folks! They're always welcome!).
Not only I encourage everyone reading this review to read this book, but also double encourage you to do so if you feel like you're really ignorant on non binary folks' issues or have lots of questions. Stuart, the author, has a section on FAQs that were really useful for me-- I for example learnt that the non binary folks fall on the trans spectrum (since we live in a binary-- binaried, kinda? world) from my non binary friend like a couple of weeks ago, and it was a doubt I've had for a long time now. Well, guess what? This book covers it! And many more things! I'm 96% less ignorant on non binary people after reading this book!
(That last part reads as if I'm making fun of it, but I'm serious. There were only a couple of topics I already knew on this book. The amount and first-hand quality of the information is legit.)
For real though, it's helpful for cis people and I bet it is for non cis people as well. Stuart invites us all to learn but also accepts us all under their wing and tells us a little about LGBTQIA+ history, a little about their (never ending) journey, a little about everything. We get the chance to be educated while having fun and also shines a light on us all: language is changing, we're changing, society is changing. Hopefully we won't have to wait until ten generations have passed to be a kinder world, but also an empowering, free society in which we'll be able to be authentic, happy and proud without having to explain ourselves.
For any LGBTQIA+ friend reading this: we want you here. You have a family within the LGBTQIA+ community. Our arms are wide open (and we give good hugs!)
Este libro estuvo genial. No solo porque es informativo, amable, gracioso y porque tiene un ritmo increíble, sino que además su autore escribió este libro tanto para personas cis ignorantes en la materia como para personas parte de la comunidad LGBTQIA+ que (siempre) tienen algo nuevo para aprender.
Como una mujer cis lesbiana, leer sobre temáticas de género es muy importante para mí. Leí muchos libros de/con temáticas LGBTQIA+ (ficción, no ficción, guías ilustradas como esta, etc) sobre orientación sexual y derivados, y sobre género en relación a hombres y mujeres trans, pero no lo suficiente sobre mis amigues no binaries y sus problemáticas, opiniones y luchas diarias. La verdad es que si bien no leí mucho sobre esto (y eso es totalmente mi culpa por no buscar lo suficiente), siento como si las temáticas no binarias no estuvieran tan presentes en la literatura sea cual sea el género (como sí están presentes en, por ejemplo, papers académicos), y "How to they/them" vino a llenar ese espacio (¡más bien uno de ellos! ¡Necesitamos más libros sobre temáticas y personas no binarias! ¡Siempre son bienvenides!).
No solo invito a quien esté leyendo esta reseña a leer este libro, sino que vuelvo a invitarle si sentís que ignorás mucho sobre temáticas de personas no binarias o tenés un montón de preguntas. Stuart, le autore, tiene una sección de preguntas frecuentes que me fueron muy útiles-- por ejemplo, hace algo de dos semanas aprendí de mi amigue no binarie que las personas no binarias son personas trans (porque vivimos en un mundo muy binario). Y adivinen qué: ¡este libro habló sobre eso! ¡Y sobre mucho más! ¡Soy un 96% menos ignorante sobre problemáticas y personas no binarias por haber leído este libro!
(En esa última parte parece que me burlo de esto, pero es posta. Solo hubo un par de temáticas que ya conocía o sobre las que ya estaba informada. La cantidad y la calidad de la información por estar contada de primera mano de es posta).
De verdad, le es útil a las personas cis y seguro que también a las personas no cis. Stuart nos invita a aprender pero también nos acepta bajo su ala y nos habla un poquito de historia LBTQIA+, un poquito sobre su viaje (que nunca termina), un poquito sobre todo. Nos da la oportunidad de educarnos mientras nos divertimos y además nos da un poco de esperanza: el idioma está cambiando, nosotres estamos cambiando, la sociedad está cambiando. Quizás (y ojalá) no tengamos que esperar a que pasen diez generaciones para ser un mundo más amable, además de una sociedad empoderante y libre en la que podamos ser quienes somos, felices y orgulloses de serlo, sin tener que explicarnos.
Para cualquier amigue LGBTQIA+ leyendo esto: te queremos acá. Tenés una familia dentro de la comunidad LGBTQIA+. Nuestros brazos están abiertos (y damos muy buenos abrazos).
------✄------
This book was incredible. Not only because it's informative, kind, funny and it's got a great rythm, but also because its author wrote this book for cis people both ignorant on the matter and people part of the LGBTQIA+ community that (always) need to learn more and better.
As a cis she/her lesbian, reading about gender is really important for me. I've read a lot LGBTQIA+ books (fiction, non fiction, illustrated guides like this one, etc) on sexual orientation and whatnot, and gender regarding trans women and men, but not enough on my non binary friends and their struggles, opinions and daily fights. Truth is that even if I didn't read much on the matter (and that's totally my fault for not searching hard enough), I also feel as if the non binary topics are not that present on books no matter the genre (as it might be, for example, on papers), and "How to they/them" came to fill that space (more like one of the spaces! We need more books on non binary topics and folks! They're always welcome!).
Not only I encourage everyone reading this review to read this book, but also double encourage you to do so if you feel like you're really ignorant on non binary folks' issues or have lots of questions. Stuart, the author, has a section on FAQs that were really useful for me-- I for example learnt that the non binary folks fall on the trans spectrum (since we live in a binary-- binaried, kinda? world) from my non binary friend like a couple of weeks ago, and it was a doubt I've had for a long time now. Well, guess what? This book covers it! And many more things! I'm 96% less ignorant on non binary people after reading this book!
(That last part reads as if I'm making fun of it, but I'm serious. There were only a couple of topics I already knew on this book. The amount and first-hand quality of the information is legit.)
For real though, it's helpful for cis people and I bet it is for non cis people as well. Stuart invites us all to learn but also accepts us all under their wing and tells us a little about LGBTQIA+ history, a little about their (never ending) journey, a little about everything. We get the chance to be educated while having fun and also shines a light on us all: language is changing, we're changing, society is changing. Hopefully we won't have to wait until ten generations have passed to be a kinder world, but also an empowering, free society in which we'll be able to be authentic, happy and proud without having to explain ourselves.
For any LGBTQIA+ friend reading this: we want you here. You have a family within the LGBTQIA+ community. Our arms are wide open (and we give good hugs!)
July 1, 2024
As a baby queer who’s learning more about LGBTQ+ terminology, culture and history every day, this visual guide helped me embrace my nonbinary identity and feel less alone. It’s also a useful resource to pass onto friends and family because it gives a broad overview of many curiosities they may have about gender fluidity. The author relays information in a way that doesn’t shame someone for needing to start from the very beginning in learning about this topic.
February 28, 2022
Some people have more freedom than others. Some people may never live a life where they feel safe enough to externally express the gender they feel inside. Some people won't have enough money for electrolysis or plastic surgery or hormones that could allow them to achieve the gender expression that aligns with their gender identity. So, yeah, it's a privilege.
I loved this quick and easy-to-read illustrated visual guide on understanding gender fluidity and more queer things, how cute and insightful it is!! I also appreciate this book more because Stuart Getty is from Kentucky so in a way I resonate with their gender struggles, especially coming from the same state that often is not very accepting of something that is not "traditional" despite the gender being a spectrum, not a binary.
The drawings are entertaining and at times comedic. For instance, one section discusses: "Gender reveal parties (for a fetus) do not actually reveal gender. Instead, they're like a junk alert or an anatomy announcement!" This includes an illustrated gender reveal party cake of a person in a penis costume, implying your child has a penis, congratulations!!
Occasional poking fun at the stupidity behind people's logic but mostly this is an informative guide that offers a transparent, easy-to-understand learning experience for anyone wanting to learn more about pronouns and gender! Highly recommend.
I loved this quick and easy-to-read illustrated visual guide on understanding gender fluidity and more queer things, how cute and insightful it is!! I also appreciate this book more because Stuart Getty is from Kentucky so in a way I resonate with their gender struggles, especially coming from the same state that often is not very accepting of something that is not "traditional" despite the gender being a spectrum, not a binary.
The drawings are entertaining and at times comedic. For instance, one section discusses: "Gender reveal parties (for a fetus) do not actually reveal gender. Instead, they're like a junk alert or an anatomy announcement!" This includes an illustrated gender reveal party cake of a person in a penis costume, implying your child has a penis, congratulations!!
Occasional poking fun at the stupidity behind people's logic but mostly this is an informative guide that offers a transparent, easy-to-understand learning experience for anyone wanting to learn more about pronouns and gender! Highly recommend.
November 21, 2020
Thank you Stuart Getty for writing this book! This explains pretty much everything a person needs to know about they/them and other pronouns, in a friendly way that never makes the reader feel dumb, guilty, or like they're a bad person if they make a mistake. As I've just shown, we already use a single "they" pronoun in English (the book is geared specifically toward English speakers; many languages already have non-gendered pronouns), so it really isn't as difficult to take that extra step as you think! Is it hard to remember? Maybe, but it'll get easier the more you practice. Will you screw up? Very likely; just correct yourself and move on. It's that easy! Seriously, y'all, if you're wondering what to do, if you have questions, just get this book. It's super helpful, and you'll be a better person for it!
#HowtoTheyThem #NetGalley
#HowtoTheyThem #NetGalley
June 18, 2020
This is a lighthearted but very informative guide to everything you wanted to know about pronouns, gender fluidity and such but were afraid to ask. It's illustrated in black and white with lots of arrows, sketches and humor. The author is non-binary and tells their story along with background info on pronouns, FAQs and much more. I wasn't a big fan of the tone (it's sort of cutesy/funny in an almost condescending way) but it's good info. I know I had a ton of questions when this was new to me, and others in that boat will find most of the answers in this short but informative, helpful book.
I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for review.
I read a temporary digital ARC of this book for review.
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