Five Go Absolutely Nowhere

Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups

by Bruno Vincent

'Ah! This is the dream!' says Julian one morning. 'With good old British common sense and community spirit like this, there's no reason that we couldn't exist on the island like this for the rest of our days!'

What could possibly go wrong . . .?

Anne has gathered Julian, Dick, George and, of course, Timmy, together for a last nostalgic jaunt in the countryside together before grown-up responsibilities take the four cousins off in different directions. It's only natural that they find their way onto Kirrin Island for a look around, as this might be the last time they're here together as a group.

They are planning just to spend the night there and come home the next day, perhaps with a little exploring in the dungeon for old time's sake. But that night they hear the country has gone into lockdown. They are not allowed to leave.
With their usual resourcefulness, they are determined to make the best of it, and remain cheerful and healthy. As Anne keeps They're lucky, really, to have all this countryside and fresh air at their disposal!

Genres: Humor, Fiction

ebook

Published May 21, 2020

About the author

Bruno Vincent was a bookseller and book editor before he was an author. His humour books for grown-ups, co-authored with Jon Butler, were national bestsellers and have been translated into seven languages. The TUMBLEWATER books are his first for children.

Reviews

[Ivy-Mabel Fling · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, although it presents the 4 youngish people as anything but perfect, does return slightly to Enid Blyton's sense of 'morals': the 4 are mostly trying to do some good. Some of the sections on lockdown remind us of a not so distant past and struck me as unusual - books on recent times normally seem more philosophical and enigmatic rather than pragmatic and unpleasant!

[Sara Eames · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amusing take on the Famous Five/Secret Seven stories by Enid Blyton.

[DJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a surprise gift - and much welcomed relief in these strange times...
Pretty much summed up the First Lockdown, possibly not enough detail to make it stand out but think it was written quite early on.
A nice little bit of froth to bring a smile in the longest January.

[Clare · Rating 2 out of 5]

Snippets of good ideas that don’t quite get off the ground.

[Jo Kinsella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed this ...bit of a dark comedy at times about the famous five and it was funny how the author added in the Secret Seven as villians. Nice easy, quick read.

[Hazel Went · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this because I needed a laugh, and I've enjoyed the other Five parodies. Unsurprisingly, considering the timescales in which it must have been published, this is a much shorter book than the others. However, it was an enjoyable and diverting read. My main downside would be that in the later books, there seems to be a need to bring in other Blyton characters to bring in a sense of menace which isn't really needed. The stories are more entertaining without this. Apart from that, if you need cheering up, it's a pleasant diversion.

[Ben McCaughtry · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first three chapters were hilarious, but the fourth chapter took an odd diversion and jumped the shark. Thereafter, nothing really interesting happens, until the laughs came back to me in the last quarter. We all need a laugh, because unbeknownst to the author and publisher, we are still in this pandemic a year later. Credit to them though, for getting it out so quickly! 😶🤣

[Fiona · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a humorous take on the lockdown situation that we faced last year. I read a couple of chapters a night before bed and I enjoyed the ‘light-read’! There was even a brief appearance from the Secret Seven!

[Sian · Rating 4 out of 5]

A right ol’ laugh that I managed to sneak in this afternoon! A humorous interpretation of the how the Famous Five would (or wouldn’t!) have dealt with lockdown trapped in the castle on Kirrin Island.

[Gina P · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my favorite of the series though it had some funny moments. Takes place during the COVID lockdown, serving as an uncomfortable reminder of the not so distant past. It already felt dated so I would’ve preferred a more timeless entry to the series.

[Danielle · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5.for some absurd silliness!

[Kathryn Price · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quick and easy read and funny.

[Romi (likes books) · Rating 5 out of 5]

The twists! The turns! The memories of adventures on Kirrin Island and Anne's poor, beautiful set-dressing gone to waste.

[Sam Crossland · Rating 5 out of 5]

A parody of the 5 in lockdown!!

[Paul Barnes · Rating 1 out of 5]

[Quercus] (2020). HB. 1/3. 105 Pages. Purchased from The Hospice of St. Francis Charity Shop (Marshalswick).

Drab and occasionally unpleasant. Perhaps the author was starting to run out of steam.

Once again, no attempt has been made to coordinate illustrations and text…