Saving Ourselves from Suicide - Before and After: How to Ask for Help, Recognize Warning Signs, and Navigate Grief

by Linda Pacha

A MUCH-NEEDED HELP BOOK ON SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, AND LOSS

Nick, a kindhearted nineteen-year-old, walked from his college campus to a tall bridge and jumped into the Mississippi. The lost body, the subsequent jumpers - suddenly the unthinkable became unfathomable.

Pacha shares the moving story of her teen's suicide and family's grief process but doesn't stop there. The practical guidance, examples, and insights she offers are invaluable for anyone struggling in life, wanting to help others, or suffering any loss. This book is a memorable call to action for more kindness and compassion.

Suicide Prevention - Access to real-life examples of suicide warning signs missed in Nick's last behaviors and communications; discussion of mental health issues as a risk factor; an inside look at private challenges, like bullying and not fitting in; and ways to help those struggling to stay alive

Self-Help/Grief After Loss - Recommendations on navigating the grief process, including the challenging steps back into society, new family dynamics, and necessary choices after loss; explanation of the stigma, judgment, and misconceptions of mental health and suicide; and ways to help loss survivors

Tips for a Better Tomorrow - Practical suggestions for reducing the pressure we put on ourselves and our youth and for creating a more compassionate world

(ALL BOOK SALE NET PROCEEDS GO TOWARD SUICIDE PREVENTION)

"The author has a crystal clear vision of mental health and the continuums of illness. Saving Ourselves from Suicide is both a personal journey and warning to families. The author is clearly on a mission to save others from the tragedy that befell her family. It is invaluable." - Christine Z. Somervill, PhD, Director of Programs, NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness), Cook County North Suburban, Chicagoland

"A meaningful glimpse into the powerful loss and the many things we can do to support each other and our loved ones through struggle." - Alison Malmon, Founder/Executive Director, Active Minds

"This book is important on so many levels. It describes the emotional journey of living through the events leading up to suicide and walks through the painful steps of the initial shock and long grieving process. It is a valuable resource to make it through grief and loss." - Steve Arkin, MD, Attending Neurologist, Miami Valley Hospital, Assistant Professor, Wright State University, Dayton, Ohio, Cofounder, SpeakUp

"A call to action to turn the tide of despair that is now so prevalent in our culture today." - Rev. Dr. Scott Mitchell, MTh, PsyD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, President and CEO, SamaraCare

"Not only is this book a must-read for anyone suffering a loss of suicide, it is also a guide offering support for those living with a loved one who suffers from mental illness. Linda's heartfelt storytelling opens the door for us survivors to move through our pain and start healing." - Monica Pedersen, Suicide Loss Survivor, Former HGTV Host, and Author

Genres: Psychology, Mental Health

300 pages, Hardcover

Published May 26, 2020

Reviews

[Watusi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is written right out of the heart of a mother who lost her son to suicide. The timing of such a well-written personal story/self-help book on this sensitive subject could not be more perfect. We’re in the 4th month of a worldwide pandemic, millions of people have lost their jobs, there’s rioting and social unrest everywhere, schools have shut down with fear of reopening, businesses and institutions are going under. The future looks dismal for our elderly population, and completely out of focus for our younger generations.

Even before I finished the book, I began to share its wisdom, hope and resources with friends who have been hurting a long time, or who are hurting now primarily due to the current world conditions. I even read the chapter on forgiveness over the phone to 2 friends who are struggling with people who hurt them decades ago. What’s amazing about this book is the vast amount of information which can be applied to a number of situations, not just suicide. People are suffering and scared. Shortly we will all know someone who has lost a job, a loved one, or even their faith to Covid 19. Linda Pacha has graciously opened up deep wounds she and her family faced in order to help us learn to see the warning signs of suicide in advance. She has done extensive research and complied it for us so we will know where to get help if we or someone we know is going through something that might lead them to think of taking their own life. The insights she gained from living through the most heart-breaking ordeal of her life is shared in the most loving way imaginable.

About ten years ago, one of my closest friends called me on the phone while she waited for an ambulance to arrive. She had just found her only child overdosed on the floor in the bathroom and could not pry open the door to help him because his body was slumped on the ground blocking the door. At that time her cry was the most agonizing sound I ever heard. I stayed with her on the phone and remained by her side all these years. Before his funeral, I remember saying to her, “Teach me how to be the friend you need me to be for you, because I don’t know to do this.” Frankly, for several years, she didn’t know what she needed. We blindly walked the long, difficult path together. While reading this book I thought multiple times of what a tremendous help “Saving Ourselves From Suicide Before and After” would’ve been for both of us during all those painful years. Since then, there have been several other tragic, unexpected losses in the lives of close friends and relatives. The raw emotions I personally experienced were discussed so openly in this book. Although it is expertly built around the telling of the Pacha family’s tragic loss of their beloved son/brother Nick, I must say that it is an invaluable resource for navigating life in general and it also teaches us to be more sensitive to those living around us. In writing the book, Linda has turned her pain and loss into a vehicle to aid others and hopefully stop another family from experiencing such a devastating loss. She also has created a website called nicksnetworkofhope.org which is filled with information, links to organizations and agencies which are doing great work in communities throughout our country. It’s a great resource which also contains ongoing conversation and exchange of ideas of how we can come together to give ourselves and people we love the help we all need sometimes. No stigmas here!!

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please read this book and buy copies for your friends. It is a must read for everyone. Linda/the author recounts in detail her emotional journey of grief, honestly sharing details of what she may have missed and what she would have done differently, all in the hopes of helping others. She also offers insightful suggestions and practical steps to move forward. This book not only helps those suffering from suicide, but also opens our eyes on how to live a life cognizant of our behavior and how to be conscientious of how we treat people, and how even the smallest gesture can immensely affect lives. Please read this book and together let us make a difference.

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

Saving ourselves from suicide is a powerful book part memoir and part self help. The author, Linda Pacha, will have you in tears with her personal story, but brings in so much understanding that I have recommended it to at least a dozen people because in these times with fear, depression, anxiety, it brings ideas on what to do.
How often, part of our own personal despair and depression is because we see and read all the sadness that is out there and wonder what we can do about it. Saving ourselves from suicide is that book that will give you some ideas and much needed hope.

[Deb Zaccarine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a powerfully insightful and helpful book for many audiences. The author courageously bares her heart and soul in her telling of the tragic loss of her son. In a time when so many lives—especially young ones—are lost to suicide, she informs us about reasons for this and, more importantly, what can be done to address the underlying causes. She also offers concrete suggestions for helping those who have considered suicide, those who want to help prevent it, and those who have lost loved ones to it. As a parent with children who experienced depression, bullying, and alienation, I realize I was merely lucky to have avoided the tragedy of suicide. This book increased my awareness of warning signs and ways to approach thoughts of suicide, and I wish I had it years ago.
Finally, though it can be difficult to speak to several audiences in one book, the author does an excellent job of organizing the book in a way that is easy to navigate and search for the topics of particular interest to any individual in those groups. I highly recommend it.

[Eileen Radasevich · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book begins with the author’s account of losing her dear son, Nick, to suicide and continues to chronical the family’s journey through their loss and grief. It is a valuable resource for everyone - especially parents - as it covers all aspects of suicide: prevention, empathetic and practical help for those left behind, as well as suggestions for ways to create a more compassionate world.

Thank you Linda Pacha for this important book.

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who lost a sibling in his freshman year of college (almost 9 months ago) to suicide, this is a must read. I appreciate the author for sharing her story, there were a lot of similarities to my life so this was a helpful book for me. Be kind to everyone you meet.

[Lissa Auciello-Brogan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well written and compelling. I found myself being pulled into the story with much compassion for the family and what they have gone through. I have children of my own, one in college and I went into this read thinking that this probably wouldn't apply to me but I definitely learned some things that I will keep in mind. I will recommend this book to other parents.

[Jovita Kerns · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in one day and it brought me to tears. I couldn’t put it down. Linda did an amazing job and covered so much important information. I already have a family I want to share this book with. I have no doubt that this book will be able to help so many people & families.
I would highly recommend this book to read.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an excellent book, a must read for all parents! It is a great book that brings you through the story of Nick and his family.

[Emily Vickers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Linda Pacha has achieved it all with her writing. She shows readers that we are all surrounded with mental illness and suicide each and every day, even if we are unable to see it. Reading this book is an instrumental step in identifying, understanding, recognizing, accepting, and coping with the emotions that surface from suicide and mental health issues.

While reading this book, you will experience almost every emotion possible, which is key in understanding the experience of the Pacha Family and the personal struggle of their son, Nick, who took his life by suicide in 2013. The feelings of grief, sadness, anger, heartache, confusion as well as joy and togetherness, that are all expressed in this work is where we as a society can empathize and learn.

I recommend this book to people of all age groups. As a reader in the 18-25 age range, I see this book as an encouraging and liberating lifeline, evident by the Table of Contents that Linda has provided. This table of contents is pure gold. The detailed and straight-forward list gives you a road map for the book, as well as an instructional guide to cope with suicide and mental illness that you experience in your life - in whatever form the may be. For those who are struggling to stay in this world or know someone who is, this TOC makes valuable resources available at your fingertips for times of distress and hopelessness.

At the end of the book, Linda shares uplifting anecdotes as well as access to Reading Group Discussion Questions. I believe the ongoing effort to understand mental illness and thoughts of suicide starts here, which means TALKING about it.

Thank you, Linda.

[John L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

As challenging as this topic can be, it should be required reading for all parents of elementary school and older children. Linda’s complete transparency brings the whole story of their son’s life and tragic death to life so much more than a more academically written book on the subject. Yet, the crux of the book is ALL about specific approaches to better parenting in general and specifically dealing with possible or proven emotional troubles.

Counselors of all types should “prescribe” this book to their patients. In addition, teachers should assign this as required material for courses dealing with either this slice of mental or a more holistic study of health in general, especially in teens and young adults. Finally, “survivors” of suicide should either find this on their own or be given a copy by someone who cares about them.

Outstanding writing on one of the most difficult subjects imaginable by an author with the greatest credentials of being a mom who lived through the pain of her son’s suicide but also with an undergraduate degree and post-graduate studies in psychology.

[Mbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Saving Ourselves from Suicide – a powerful title for book that is both gentle, yet firm in its candor. It was like reading Linda’s journal as she shared her life – her experiences, thoughts, feelings, and perspective. She shares herself and her family freely, lovingly and apologetically, and in her sharing she gave me insight and education. Linda dug deep to be able to frame this personal journey for our benefit and to help others. The struggle is real. Truly it is and this book validates those in struggle and reminds us how powerful simple gestures can be. Read about an elevator ride … you’ll understand after you read it.

I have so many notes I jotted down as I read this book; her stages of grief are profound as is her variation on the Prayer of St. Frances. Her concept of grief as cleansing allowing her and the family to heal and move forward is a concept I will keep forever.

Everyone can take something special from this book.
Mary Beth Swibes

[Melvin Doerr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book written by a mother who lost her son to suicide. The book is heart wrenching but a powerful tool to help prevent bullying, suicide, depression and being broken by others. In sharing her story, Linda Pacha relives very painful memories of her son, Nick’s death. Linda also gives hope to others who have lost loved ones due to suicide and hope to those who are victims of bullying and who might be contemplating suicide. The courage it took for her to write this book is admirable. She refused to be stopped by her own pain and grief, mustering her strength through the love for her son to write this book. In so doing, she has saved many lives and shown others to be aware of many of the warning signs of suicide. Her bravery and the bravery of her family in the face of tragedy is an inspiration for all of us. This book should be a must read for anyone in a helping profession. Thank you Linda for writing this book. It is and will be a Godsend to many.
Mel Doerr

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

When it comes to talking about suicide, what is needed is 100% honestly and no holding back. And that’s EXACTLY what Linda does in this book. Just like Linda, I lost a 19 year old son to suicide and Linda captures so well the experience of losing a child and trying to find a way to understand it and go on.

This book should be read by people at risk for suicide as well as their parents, therapists, teachers, friends. Actually, this book should just be read by everyone since it’s likely that everyone has an at-risk person in their life at some point, even if they don’t realize it.

I also highly recommend spending time on Linda’s website NicksNetworkOfHope.org, educating yourself about all sorts of struggles people face. The first step we all can take in addressing mental health issues is to EDUCATE ourselves – the website and this book are great resources.

Thank you Linda for your openness and honesty!

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mrs. Pacha’s heartfelt testimonial captures the importance of showing kindness to others. It serves as a reminder to slow down and really pay attention to those around us because we may never know what someone else might be going through and if they need a smile, hug, or word of encouragement to help them get through the day. Throughout the book, Mrs. Pacha offers a message of hope to loss survivors as well as to those who are struggling. She provides first hand insights that will greatly influence anyone who reads her book. All of this said, this book is an essential read for anyone of any age as it guides the reader through a very difficult topic in a grace-filled way and sheds light on the necessity of mental health services. All in all, Nick’s legacy of kindness and love as his way of life are revealed and maintained by his mother, father, and sister and instruct us all how to live and treat others. I highly recommend this book!

[Debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book speaks to my heart. I can relate to all of it. I am a Mother and have children who struggle with mental illness. I also have first hand experience with depression and anxiety. I know I am lucky, that I am alive and healthy and that my son is alive after an overdose.
Saving Ourselves From Suicide is written with hope and light for others after Linda lost everything. I took away hope and practical advice about kindness and sharing positivity and compassion EVERY time you get a chance because “There are no do-overs with Suicide!” This book would be helpful for parents of younger children, as well because it points out that there is a lot of pressure on kids from parents, teachers and coaches and reminds us to be aware of the mental health of children of all ages.
Linda, thank you for sharing your experience, so that other families can learn and grow.

[Nancy Mueller · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Linda Pacha’s well-written book, Saving Ourselves from Suicide, Linda bravely writes about her son Nick’s struggles with ‘fitting in’. Her book is a testimony to embracing diversity and a testimony to teaching our youth the importance of kindness. Bullying, exclusion and harsh words hurt and do harm!
As a neighbor and friend to the Pacha family, I know that Nick was surrounded by a loving, caring and supportive family as well as a mainly loving, caring and supportive school and community. The bullies thankfully are in the small minority but still can do irreparable harm. Let’s all join Linda in the humanity movement - be kind, love thy neighbor as yourself, embrace diversity! - nancy

[Dorothy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Filled with heart, hard earned insight and knowledge, and even a bit of humor, Linda Pacha shares her family’s journey before and after the loss of their much loved son/brother, Nick. The unflinching candor in her book, Saving Ourselves from Suicide, allows us into the often hidden aspects that surround this harsh reality. Linda discusses mental health in its many facets including anxiety, depression, suicide and grief revealing her generous heart that hopes to prevent this ultimate act from happening in another family and also encouraging someone who struggles to stay. No matter whether you are directly or indirectly affected by suicide you will find this book valuable and a must read. Thank you, Linda, for focusing on the need for kindness, compassion and empathy in our everyday lives.

[Richard Manski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Author Linda Pacha writes a true story about the experience and the real life (and death) of a wonderful young man, her son Nick, and his loving family. The author is so candid, truthful, transparent, and thoughtful throughout the book. Linda is able to bring the reader into her family's experience while offering help, hope, ideas, and thoughtful forgiveness toward people who did not behave well toward her son Nick. I believe all parents should read this book. I am absolutely certain that this book about Nick and his family will help every reader in some way, small or large. This book will save lives!

[Catherine Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Linda Pacha shares at a very personal level, the experiences of herself and her family members in coping with her son Nick's death by suicide. The author's straight forward writing style makes the reader feel as if they are having a conversation with her. She provides important resources, real-life examples and personal experiences along with hope and insight to help the reader navigate the devastation of suicide.

My book club will be reading "Saving Ourselves From Suicide - Before and After" as our September selection. The author provides very insightful and relevant book club discussion questions on her website, nicksnetworkofhope.org.

[Matt Triplett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Saving Ourselves from Suicide is one of the most impactful books that I have ever read. The author bares it all, revealing painful truths and difficult lessons learned from the tragic loss of her son, Nick, to suicide. For as much rawness as there is in this book, however, there is just as much hope.

I truly believe that this is a must-read for everyone. Nick’s story is one that we can all identify with on some level. If we truly want to create a more compassionate world, one like the author describes, it is our duty to educate ourselves on these issues and adequately support those (including ourselves) suffering from them. This book is a fantastic starting point to doing just that.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Part memoir and part self help book for anyone who has suffered tragic loss, Linda Pacha writes from the heart in sharing the story of every mother’s worst nightmare. Written with honesty and humility, this book is difficult to pick up and almost impossible to put down. From her story to the many resources to her insights on grappling with grief, there is so much rich content contained within these pages. This book should be read by everyone, but especially by every educator, no matter what level they teach, preschool or college. This book addresses so many things that need to be openly addressed if we as a society are going to stem the tide of loss of our most fragile members.

[Kirk Booher · Rating 5 out of 5]

This uniquely powerful book provides straightforward advice from a mother who lost her son to suicide. This isn't a clinical assessment by a doctor or professor; it is a mother's heartbreaking story of her son's suicide, the events leading up to it, and the warning signs that she only wishes she had known then. For those who have lost a loved one to suicide, Linda Pacha recounts how she and her family were able to eventually heal and move forward with positive, productive lives, while remembering and honoring their son and brother.

I know that this book will save many lives and will help those who have tragically lost a loved one to suicide.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a survivor of suicide loss, I related to most of Linda’s story. Our family grief map seems to be aligning with hers. This gives support, comfort, and a feeling that I am not alone.
I plan to share this book with a few people that have been on this journey with me. They ,too have lost the belief that “this can’t happen to my family” and want to make a difference.
I appreciate all that I got from Linda’s story.

[Alma Triplett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most inspirational and informative books I have ever read regarding suicide. What sets this book apart is not only the incredible bravery being unveiled from Linda and her family's actual experience but also how she provides actionable information for multiple audiences; those contemplating, loved ones surviving and close friends/family trying to provide support.

[Susan Sierawski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please read this important and moving account of one family's tragic loss of their beloved son, their road to recovery and their crusade to stop the epidemic of suicide. Saving Ourselves from Suicide provides the reader with concrete advice on identifying warning signs to prevent loss. It includes actionable steps to help survivors along the path to healing.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

An intense and heart wrenching account of a family's experience with mental health issues and suicide. I live in the same town and have seen the effects of over scheduled and over pressured kids. I highly recommend it. There is a lot of good information and tactics to use if you or a loved one need help.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible and well written book that can help anyone understand mental health and suicide. Told through the first hand experienace of loosing a child, Linda Pacha doesn't hold back when it comes to shedding a light on what suicide looks like before, during, and after. It is a necessary read for anyone living with, working with, or loving young people - or any people.

[Lisa Drager · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book ! The author holds nothing back with all her & her families loss of their son to suicide . A very raw description of loss, quilt and how to survive after such a tragedy . What it took for them to get their strength back as a family. The honest truth about surviving suicide .

[Rita Berge · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author, Linda Pacha, takes you on the most difficult journey of her and her family’s life by sharing her son Nick’s story.

Saving Ourselves from Suicide- Before and Afternoon: How to ask for Help, Recognize Warning Signs, and Navigate Grief delivers an engaging personal story of loss, but also a guide to suicide prevention & survival.

This book is a labor of love; filled with compassion, wisdom & hope.

I love that “ All book sales net proceeds go towards suicide prevention through Nick’s Network of Hope, a Nonprofit.”