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Tribe: Why Do All Our Friends Look Just Like Us?
Tribe explores the issues of reciprocity in cross-race and cross-class relationships using stories, narrative, and sociological insights and perspectives derived from urban fieldwork and the author's own life. The volume examines the social and structural barriers to the formation of these kinds of relationships, as well as the transformations that can take place as these barriers are overcome. Stories, interviews, and empirically driven narratives are interwoven with theory from the fields of adult education, economics, sociology, ethics, theology, and history. After exploring the barriers to the formation of these relationships and the potential of adults for learning new ways of thinking and being, the book makes the case that there are communal and individual benefits to these relationships that far outweigh the difficulties in forming them. The book is set up to answer the questions "Why does it matter if all my friends look just like me?" and "How do I leave behind a siloed existence to live a fully transformational and socially aware life?"
262 pages, Paperback
Published September 29, 2020
5 people are currently reading
44 people want to read
About the author
Sandra Mayes Unger
1 book7 followersSandra lives in St. Paul, Minnesota and is executive director of The Lift Community Development Corporation. The vision of The Lift is to be a community that develops and restores mutually respectful relationships between people from diverse backgrounds, who together invest in the youth of our east side St. Paul neighborhood, equipping them to become self-sustaining, productive, and caring adults.
Tribe tells stories from over 15 years living on the east side of St. Paul, who she met, what she learned, and how it changed her.
She has a B.A. in Organizational Studies from Bethel University, an M.A. from Bethel Seminary, and an Ed.D. in leadership from the University of St. Thomas. Her dissertation research was in the area of reciprocity in relationships that cross lines of race and class, and Tribe is a product of that research.
She has been married for over thirty years and has three adult children. Her hobbies are reading and playing tennis.
Tribe tells stories from over 15 years living on the east side of St. Paul, who she met, what she learned, and how it changed her.
She has a B.A. in Organizational Studies from Bethel University, an M.A. from Bethel Seminary, and an Ed.D. in leadership from the University of St. Thomas. Her dissertation research was in the area of reciprocity in relationships that cross lines of race and class, and Tribe is a product of that research.
She has been married for over thirty years and has three adult children. Her hobbies are reading and playing tennis.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
February 6, 2021
This work is spawn out of two entities: Unger’s life experiences while leading a diverse church in a diverse, urban neighborhood and her thirst for advanced education and stimulating reading. Using these two springboards, she shares lessons from her journey from a fundamentalist/evangelical background to where she is today. She describes how she believes that her life is now richer than it was before. She touches on issues of tribalism that plague pluralistic societies today – as they have in different ways for thousands of years before. Although she stops short of proclaiming the issue solved, she lifts from her struggle ideas that can point to a way forward.
Unger thoroughly dissects her life experiences through the lens of race and class (but notably not gender nor sexuality). She specifically and directly talks about her career in leading The Lift, a diverse church in a diverse setting in the city of St. Paul, Minnesota. She discusses her “whiteness,” meaning her upbringing in a homogenous, white, middle-class neighborhood. The noted cultural differences appear at first glance to be very common among whites in America. She tries at length to help readers see beyond their own experiences into the lives of people different than them, much as she has done throughout her own life.
This book is most interesting through its combination of theory and practice. Many writers have only one of these prisms relatively mastered. Instead, Unger weaves both into one narrative. In one paragraph, she integrates theoreticians like Jürgen Habermas or Ethan Fromm with anecdotes about her friends who have starkly different life experiences. In so doing, she proves the value of social theory in her life. This instructs and inspires readers to take similar approaches with their own lives.
Writing in white America in 2021, I see that this book has obvious import into modern culture. Tribalism has affected the body politic as well as national culture in unhealthy ways. Such tribalism is especially bound by race and class, the main topics of this book. (Political affiliation should also be included in this list and are not addressed in this book. Although Unger writes from within the context of a Christian church, religious differences are not deeply addressed in this book either.) I’m not sure drastic changes in life situations – such as the author’s family made – are in order for everyone. Nonetheless, almost everyone in diverse, pluralistic societies can learn from her courage and life lessons.
Unger steadfastly maintains that tribalism is not the way forward; rather, it is in developing a tribe for ourselves, rich in racial and class differences. I’d like to add other diversities to that list, but am grateful for Unger’s explicit focus on these two. In so doing, she points to the way out of America’s national quagmire through combining theory with her own life.
Unger thoroughly dissects her life experiences through the lens of race and class (but notably not gender nor sexuality). She specifically and directly talks about her career in leading The Lift, a diverse church in a diverse setting in the city of St. Paul, Minnesota. She discusses her “whiteness,” meaning her upbringing in a homogenous, white, middle-class neighborhood. The noted cultural differences appear at first glance to be very common among whites in America. She tries at length to help readers see beyond their own experiences into the lives of people different than them, much as she has done throughout her own life.
This book is most interesting through its combination of theory and practice. Many writers have only one of these prisms relatively mastered. Instead, Unger weaves both into one narrative. In one paragraph, she integrates theoreticians like Jürgen Habermas or Ethan Fromm with anecdotes about her friends who have starkly different life experiences. In so doing, she proves the value of social theory in her life. This instructs and inspires readers to take similar approaches with their own lives.
Writing in white America in 2021, I see that this book has obvious import into modern culture. Tribalism has affected the body politic as well as national culture in unhealthy ways. Such tribalism is especially bound by race and class, the main topics of this book. (Political affiliation should also be included in this list and are not addressed in this book. Although Unger writes from within the context of a Christian church, religious differences are not deeply addressed in this book either.) I’m not sure drastic changes in life situations – such as the author’s family made – are in order for everyone. Nonetheless, almost everyone in diverse, pluralistic societies can learn from her courage and life lessons.
Unger steadfastly maintains that tribalism is not the way forward; rather, it is in developing a tribe for ourselves, rich in racial and class differences. I’d like to add other diversities to that list, but am grateful for Unger’s explicit focus on these two. In so doing, she points to the way out of America’s national quagmire through combining theory with her own life.
February 7, 2023
Unger uses her personal experience of moving her family to an urban area to drive home the point of racism exists and we as a society are not doing enough to stop it. It can be easy to be uneducated about other cultures and about your privilege, but Unger doesn’t let that happen.
A good book. Worth reading. Encouraging to not only meet and help people that don’t look like me, but to make lasting change we must develop relationships with them.
A good book. Worth reading. Encouraging to not only meet and help people that don’t look like me, but to make lasting change we must develop relationships with them.
April 20, 2021
A compelling book interweaving heartfelt stories about the author's personal experiences when her family moved from the suburbs to a diverse neighborhood in the city, with facts and figures about the impact of poverty and racism in America. A book everyone should read; the authors shows a disturbing history and current situation but also provides answers and hope.
June 22, 2025
So rich, well-researched—both in the books she referenced, and in the real life experience of moving and entering into an entirely different community from the one she knew. I loved the stories of the friends she made along the way as she learned how to connect in groups where she didn’t know the rules. Sandra is brave, funny, and honest. This is a “must re-read” for me.
November 15, 2020
Just finished the book and really enjoyed it!
Her intertwining of personal vulnerability, real life experiences and academic material make for a deeper understanding and invitation to engage in friendships with people outside of our own cultural circles.
Her intertwining of personal vulnerability, real life experiences and academic material make for a deeper understanding and invitation to engage in friendships with people outside of our own cultural circles.
February 17, 2021
A most excellent book. Sandra writes well and did a huge amount of literary research.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews