Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century

by Barbara Carrellas, Romy Nordlinger (Narrator)

If you think sexual and spiritual bliss can'­t be found in today'­s fast-paced world, you haven'­t experienced Urban Tantra. With a juicy mix of erotic how-to and pleasure-centered spiritual wisdom, acclaimed sex educator Barbara Carrellas radically updates the ancient practice of Tantra for modern sexual explorers desiring to push past their edge in search of the great cosmic orgasm.With more than one hundred easy-to-follow techniques for expanded orgasmic states and solo and partner play (as well as more adventurous practices), this in-depth guide reveals the delicious worlds of ecstasy available to all, including:The Erotic Awakening Massage • Breath and Energy Orgasms • Twenty-Minute Tantra Evolutionary Selfloving • Sex and Healing • Tantric BDSMNo matter what your gender, sexual preference, or erotic tastes, URBAN TANTRA will expand your notions about pleasure and open you up to new heights of intimacy and sexual fulfillment.

Genres: Sexuality, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Relationships, Self Help, Health, Romance

Audiobook

First published April 9, 2005

Reviews

[Libby · Rating 4 out of 5]

A much less new-agey instruction of basic tantra concepts which seeks not only to inform but to heal. I felt like a pervert buying this book, but it became my friend from the preface. If you have ever been abused or if you were raised in a restrictive/religious setting that you're trying to put behind you, this book could really help you feel better about sex. It shouldn't matter if you can 'agree' with all of it, I think almost anyone could benefit from a perusal.

[Fei · Rating 1 out of 5]

Absolute trash...racy, raunchy. Blasphemous, profane.

This has nothing to do with "tantra". The authors basically just mixed up a bunch of New Age sex techniques and re-packeaged it under the name of tantra. This book is absolutely cringe and doesn't represent the essence of tantra.

Tantra doesn't have much to do with sex, and isn't "sacred sexuality". Yes, there are some LHP rituals (the 5Ms) which might involve sex but it is more about magick and sorcery than the Western idea of "I want to have better orgasms"(recycled ideas from Wilhem Reich). Most tantrik practitioners don't do any of these.

The only merit of this book is it can help people who have sexual hang-ups to enjoy sex more mindfully, nevertheless, we have plenty of books on that already, why pollute tantra?

If you want to learn tantra from Tibetan Buddhism tradition(Vajrayana), check out Lama Yeshe's book "Introduction to Tantra". He also writes a wide arrange of free books and has Buddhist centres all over the world.

If you want scholarly book on Hindu tantra, check out "Tantra: Path of Ectstacy" by Georg Feuerstein or "Tantra illuminated" by Christopher Wallis.

I also found out a very well written, compiled book from an occultist point of view, "Kali Kaula" by Jan Fries.

Shame on people like Annie Sprinkle, Bettie Dodson, Dossie Eatson endorsing this trash. They probably know nothing about tantra or Eastern religions and only think it's cool to jump on the "sacred sexuality because I am a feminist!" bandwagon.

Also being published by Hay House or endorsed by Louise Hay diminishes all the credibility of the book....There is nothing scholarly in this but "new age woo".

Forget about "sacred sexuality" and put it in the fire...it will keep you warm in the winter and not pollute the Eastern traditions any further....

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book, whose subtitle is "Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century," is refreshingly queer-friendly, kink-friendly, poly-friendly, and body-positive. I'm skeptical about some of the concepts Carrellas presents, but that didn't really keep me from enjoying the book. Take chakras: I can see the usefulness of them as metaphor/visualization technique, but I'm less convinced about things like blockages of energy in particular chakras as a literal thing—like, if you're feeling stuck, I can see that it may be extremely useful to think of your stuckness as having a place in your body, and then to visualize your energy moving through that place and getting things unstuck, and I can believe in the efficacy of that kind of visualization, but that's different from thinking my energy is actually stuck in my throat chakra, or wherever. But, right, I can get behind other things in the book, like this, from a section called "Why Ecstasy is Necessary":

Ecstasy (also referred to as bliss or ecstatic bliss) is a peak experience. Peak experiences expand our possibilities. They give us permission to reach higher and receive more. (17)

Carrellas takes her readers through the basics of tantra, followed by "tantra for one," "tantra for two," "tantra for the adventurous" (this includes group experiences and kink), and "tantra: the next dimension," which is about what Carrellas calls "sex magic." Interspersed with tantric exercises that include breathing, movement, and massage are Carrellas's stories of her own experiences of ecstatic bliss, which are pretty great.

I think the best thing about this book, for me, was the way it made me think more about things I'd maybe thought about before but hadn't fully articulated. Like: ecstasy as involving a sensation of timelessness, of the present as the only moment; ecstasy as often involving a moment when we feel that "boundaries dissolve" and being "deeply in ourselves and aware and simultaneously outside ourselves and not ourselves" (18). Or the idea that when we match our breath to someone else's, we "begin to be able to read each other's bodies" (25). Or the idea of what Carrellas calls the "Resilient Edge of Resistance," which reminds me of what I think of as "the edge of too much": as Carrellas puts it:

When pressure is applied to the edge of resistance—whether that pressure is breath, touch, or tension—you expand a bit. This creates a new edge of resistance. Yoga postures are a good example of this. If you are seated on the floor and bend over to try to touch your forehead to your legs, it may at first seem impossible. Then, with each breath, you relax into the stretch a bit more. You don't force it, you just open up a bit more with each breath.
[…] By staying at the Resilient Edge of Resistance, you are able to go much deeper into the pose than if you had not gone to the edge, or if you had pushed past the edge into pain. The Resilient Edge of Resistance is the place where you feel safe enough to surrender and go deeper. (61)

[Danni Green]

I wasn't expecting to have to drop this one and certainly not for this reason, but in the introduction it claims that the term "transgender" is only for men, women, boys, or girls and that "trans" is now "the" inclusive term for nonbinary people. I wanted to give it a chance anyway (despite this incredible misrepresentation my identity word as explicitly excluding me???) so I flipped ahead a bit to see if the rest of it was worth reading anyway, but I hit a few spots where it was like "men's/women's bodies do blah blah blah" when clearly it meant "cis men's/women's bodies", and at that point it was clear that this book was going to cause me too much dysphoria to get anything valuable out of it.

[Dawn Serra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Barbara Carrellas is beautifully inclusive with her language, which makes this book something that will resonate with people of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, relationship dynamics, and sexual preferences.

Though the book has some definite woo woo (which I enjoy), the practical tips throughout the book are what make this a goldmine of wisdom.

Carrellas' approach to sex and tantra is wonderfully modern and flexible. Whether you're into the calm, gentle aspects of intimacy or intense, kinky BDSM practices, this book makes it clear that tantra and sex are everywhere.

Perfect for people looking to connect with themselves and with a partner. Most of the exercises can be adapted for solo play, couple's play, or even group play.

The beauty of Urban Tantra is the simplicity - breathe, stay present, give totally, receive totally, and be responsible for your own pleasure. When you bring those things together - whether it's in a satin palace of sensuous delights or a dark dungeon full of pain - you can reach new sexual heights and find sacred intimacy.

[Erika · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was pretty good. Not your regular run of the mill sex book. It contains practical exercises and information that you can practice without feeling uncomfortable or out of place.

I totally believe in the mind body connection when it comes to enjoying sex.

[~Ivy~ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe I've been in the scene too long or because I've taken a tantra class .. Most of this was pretty basic with A LOT of story telling around the core information she was trying to convey. I was hoping for more tantra history or information or techniques. I feel she spent too much time around the basics of each chapters topic, like BDSM. I respect her attempt to be inclusive but she was really over selling just how and why which became off putting to me and gave the vibe of still "othering". Like look see, I included this group of people now give me cookies I'm amazing.
I was also put off by her ideas about putting tantra and sexuality into basic everyday things like piercing and dentist appointments. Yes, bring your breath but the idea that you can have a full on orgasm or energy orgasm without the consent of the practitioner was very uncomfortable. She tells a story about a piercing in which I'm sure she had the full consent but it seemed implied that this was common and it's just not.

[Skip · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice concise (but very superficial) introduction to a tantric approach to sex. Does not really explore the tantric belief system but does include some nice breathing methods and massage techniques that may help you improve your sex life.

[Hans · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful book for those who are interested in having a more expansive view of sexuality beyond just the bare physical mechanics. I found the spirituality of sexuality to be the most fascinating and illuminating topic. That not only can sex go so much deeper than just the physical aspect but that it can also function as a mirror of our spirituality and emotional development. Essentially that sex is a microcosm of our inner world.

I also enjoyed the mindset to drop expectations around sex, especially ones that are not clearly communicated with your partner/s. That all stages of sex are a dance and an end in their own right. To drop viewing foreplay as just means to an end but it’s own delicious experience in itself. That the point of sex is not climax but to connect.

[Rita · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really, really loved this book. I will keep it by my nightstand so that I can try the breathing methods and massage techniques. One thing that I really like about this book is how Barbara Carrellas gives examples of completely typical people with everyday problems using tantra to feel better and connect with each other. It's a brave book and not too esoteric.

[Ines Garcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tantra is something truly special, non-technical, fantastical and spiritual. A must read whether you're going to engage in it Solo or with a Partner. They debunk myths about what tantra is and could be, so you can gain a better perspective into wisdom meaningful sex. A refreshing, slight mixture of both western and eastern philosophic work.

[Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Until someone writes a stripped down no nonsense punk book on tantra, this is the best one I've read on the subject so far. More about practices than beliefs.

[Bree · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was expecting a sex ed book to increase mindfulness around sex/sexuality, and I absolutely got that!

What I didn't count on getting was a book that is so filled with love and spirituality, or a book that is actually inclusive of trans/aro/ace people (a lot of "inclusive" sex ed books just pay lip service to these identities but aren't structured in a way that's actually inclusive of them). The author is straightforward and clear in her explanations without being too rigid, and she offers a good variety of different breathing techniques, massages, and other tools that can be used to create a tantric experience that's tailored to an individual's (or a couple's, or a group's) needs.

I was worried this might be too woo-woo or too complicated for me as someone who knows nothing about Tantra, but it's not. I could go on for ages about how perfect this book was, but I will say that I wished I'd picked it up a lot earlier in my "reading sex ed books" journey than I did. I think everyone should read this, even if you're not interested in having partnered sex (or solo sex). There are a lot of tactics that can help with relaxation and establishing/deepening connections with others, and overall, this book offers a really healthy approach to sex and sexuality.

[Ivee · Rating 1 out of 5]

This took me two attempts and 8 months to finish (and I didnt even actually read everything, skipped through a lot) to read for a reason.

I think perhaps it was spiritual in a different way than I could come to grips with. I wanted to explore the more intimate/connecting/intentional side of "Urban Tantra" but it was too focused on energies and chakras for what I was looking for. I'd say about 5% were things that interested me and I did/will try out. Such a shame because it started off really well.

I'd also say on that note the 5% of things that were practical and things that I was interested in trying were towards the end of the book and less spiritual in the way the author is.

Would not recommend - just the two chapters on "Erotic Awakening Massages". Glad I've finally finished it and can get it off my desk! :)

[Jim Parker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some very useful information but I really consider very little of what is presented in the book as tantra. Very sex positive and such some fun sounding exercises as well as helpful hints for people interested in polyamory.

[Greg · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best book I've read on the subject! Great ideas for special breathing techniques and an in-depth description of tantric sexual massage.

[Nickie Jamison · Rating 4 out of 5]

The last few chapters kind of got a bit too new agey, but still worth reading

[Sylwia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marking this as finished since it's a buddyread with my partner so we'll be reading it all year.

[Utkrisht Fella · Rating 1 out of 5]

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century by Barbara Carrellas is a misleading and frankly, disappointing book for anyone genuinely seeking to understand Tantra. As someone from India - the very birthplace of Tantra, I can confidently say that this book does a great disservice to the spiritual depth and philosophical richness that Tantra embodies.

The title itself is deceptive. By calling it "Urban Tantra" the book attempts to latch onto the mystique and credibility of an ancient Indian spiritual tradition, while in reality offering very little that resembles authentic Tantric practice. This book is more a rebranded Western take on New Age sexuality than any serious exploration of Tantra. It leans heavily on sexual techniques and liberal interpretations of intimacy, offering a version that is tailored to a Western audience hungry for exoticised spirituality but it lacks the discipline, context and integrity that Tantra demands.

Out of the entire book, only a handful of pages touch upon practices that could even remotely be called Tantric, such as basic chakra overviews or breathing exercises. But even these are treated superficially, stripped of the depth and context in which they are traditionally taught. There is no exploration of the inner transformation, rituals, meditative paths or philosophical foundations of Tantra.

What this book essentially does is perpetuate the dangerous and shallow myth that Tantra is all about sex. That’s like saying yoga is just about stretching. In truth, Tantra is a profound spiritual science - complex, rigorous, and transformative. Sex is a tiny, symbolic element within a much larger spiritual and metaphysical framework. Reducing it to a sensual manual not only misinforms but also disrespects a sacred tradition that deserves reverence and serious study.

For those genuinely interested in learning Tantra, I would strongly recommend bypassing this book. Instead, look for texts that are rooted in authentic Indian Tantric lineages or teachings that treat it with the spiritual seriousness it commands. Urban Tantra is, at best, a commercial misadventure and at worst a distortion of a sacred path. Readers deserve better.

[Tez · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author gives the impression that this is a more accessible version of tantra than traditional tantra. Fair enough. But it's still a bit far-out, which may affect how much you get out of this book, and how strongly you'd recommend it.

Damage to your chakra can affect your health? Yeah, not telling my dad with melanoma that. His theory is that in his 20s he drove all night from Melbourne to Adelaide, then fell asleep on the beach the next day, resulting in a heavy sunburn that has festered internally until now in his 60s and 70s. His theory seems more believable to me than his farking chakras. I'm sorry, author, but I'm not here for your bollocks in regards to this.

Would've hoped that was the only cringe-inducing moment of the book. Lulled into a false sense of security for a while, but it struck again later: in the form of...ORGASMING FOR WORLD PEACE. Yeah, you read correctly. Feeling tripe about the state of the world? Dedicate your orgasms to dodgy people in the hope that they will do the right thing. Yeah, nah - not here for that. Look at the state of the world. Look at the state of your country. Still a heck of a lot of cruelty. Still a lot of damage to people, the environment...

I'm not saying that you shouldn't have orgasms. But don't pretend that having them and dedicating them to others will have a positive impact on an issue at large. It's just not happening. It might make YOU feel better. But anyone else, not participating in your orgasms? Nup.

*pinches bridge of nose* The author seems like a really lovely person. I follow her on social media, and she seems pretty cool. And for most of this book, I felt like this was a person with whom I could hang out. But the cringey bits really made me get internally shouty. Just...ugh.

[Rick Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ehhhhh. It’s ok. It’s more of a “mindfulness and sex” book and as such falls short of being something interesting and spiritual. instead it is more of a cherry picked series of “tips“ that the author seems to want to convey with a thin veneer of “tantra”

It’s not that it’s a bad book. It’s just that it’s appropriated a concept and changed the definition and flavor to what is essentially “introduction to sex therapy“ which, for all I know as an uneducated caveman, might be exactly what the essence of tantra is.

[DK Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly a work of art. Carrellas knows her subject like no other, her work within this field is legendary; having witnessed and worked alongside her several times over the years. Her history, her knowledge and her heart all shine through in her books, particularly if you have had the pleasure of attending any of her workshops. Well worth the read for anyone who considers themselves a sexual/spiritual explorer.

[Crystal Griffith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really great progression in the book to introduce you to the topic and guide you through not only some history of tantra but this current version of it. I appreciate the author’s note that this is not tantra as it was originally practiced -hence the name “urban” in the book but I like that she pays credit where it’s due. My only complaint that there is SO much information I do feel I need to go back over it again and again to really get it. But i’m sure practice will help with that too!

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not the usual holistic healing variety, but definitely informative and sexy. Excellent descriptions of breathing exercises and ways to expand intimacy with yourself, others and energy.

[Kelli Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book was easy to read and provided some great insight on how to add intimacy to your relationship as well as help it continually grow (no pun intended).

[Jana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love her writing and her sex is so great. I ❤ advice, I ❤ massages, I ❤ chakra healing, I ❤ that it sounds so simple, and I ❤ that I am open enough to try it and change my bed habits.

[Baroness · Rating 2 out of 5]

Loquacious.

[Nicole · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this audiobook available at my local library. 25 mins in and its all about transgender, queer explanations… not my cup of tea.
Needles to say Im returning this without finishing it.

[Akhil Jain · Rating 4 out of 5]

My fav quotes (not a review):
-Page 96 |"list ten qualities they would want in their ideal lover. Chances are, you have done a pretty good job of describing yourself. Most people do. And that’s perfect. After all, you are the one love who will never leave you."
-Page 97 |"In Tantra, sex is not an action. It is not one more thing humans do. Sex is an energy that exists on its own. All you have to do is notice it and it will start to move."
-Page 98 |"In yogic—including Tantric—tradition, our sexual energy is called Kundalini."
-Page 108 "Squeezing that muscle constitutes a Kegel—named for Dr. Arnold Kegel (pronounced kay-gull), a gynecologist who developed a program for women who were experiencing incontinence after giving birth."
-Page 114 "Gigglegasms, angergasms, and crygasms all leave us feeling cleansed and energized. Emotiongasms are “total” experiences; you allow your body to express its emotions without trying to stifle them. This is how we behaved when we were young children, before we were socialized to behave more “acceptably.”"
-Page 116 "All too often, women tell me that they have never had an orgasm. Understandably, they often have feelings of deep shame, grief, failure, and anger. Before we talk about how she might become orgasmic, I always ask a woman if she has experienced any gigglegasms, crygasms, or angergasms. Invariably she will say that she has, even if only as a child. There are no inorgasmic women; there are simply some women who have not yet experienced a genital orgasm. The moment an “inorgasmic” woman realizes that she is capable of orgasm—that she in fact has already had orgasms—she can open up to the possibilities of more, expanded genital orgasms."
-Page 120 "The G-spot was named for Ernst Gräfenberg, the doctor credited with “discovering” this area on a woman’s urethral sponge that, thousands of years before, had been named the Black Pearl by the Taoists."
-Page 123 "When you focus on circulating sexual energy throughout your entire body, you will be able to enjoy orgasmic feelings in other parts of your body, such as your chest, belly, or head. You may even have whole-body orgasms."
-Page 123 "The prostate corresponds to the G-spot in women and, like the G-spot, is connected to the pelvic"
-Page 132 "As you inhale, let your belly fill up like a balloon. As you exhale, flatten your lower back to the ground. This rocking motion helps to move sexual energy.
-Page 141 "In Tantra, we spend a lot of time gazing into the eyes of another person. This can be challenging. Eye gazing takes us to a level of intimacy we experience infrequently;"
-Page 142 "As you gaze into your own eye, have an intimate dialogue with yourself. Try to speak it out loud. If that makes you feel too uncomfortable, say it silently. As you become more comfortable with this kind of intimacy, it will become easier to speak. Try using the following as a guideline for your dialogue. Just complete these statements with as much truth and love as you can. I love you for … I forgive you for … If I really loved you, I would … Because I really love you, I will …"
-Page 142 "Gazing into Your Own Eyes, Masturbate while looking into a mirror and look into your own eyes as you orgasm- Medibation, is what Annie Sprinkle calls the practice of using masturbation as a meditation."
-Page 158 "If you want a strong, fast beat, there are plenty of healthier choices available, such as Babatunde Olatunji’s Drums of Passion series."
-Page 178 "Here’s a little nugget of Taoist wisdom: sensory deprivation amplifies chi by conserving it. When you blindfold someone, chi cannot leak out their eyes. When you use earplugs, chi can’t leak out their ears. Having more chi means having more energy."

[Mica Doria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Queer friendly

Many book, especially yogic, spiritual text aren’t friendly to trans/non-binary identities. I read this book as a suggestion from someone else about its ability to find power in gender and tools for euphoria sexually. With lots of great tools, it is very much that.