2020 PenCraft Award Winner - Nonfiction (Autobiography) “This is an eye-opening memoir about mental illness and the medical profession delivered in a well-written, interesting, and engaging style.” –Sublime Book Review "Kyle Bradford Jones's memoir Fallible travels the many rugged mine fields of being a young physician struggling with mental illness with a winning strength and grace.” –IndieReader Nearly 1 in every 5 Americans deal with mental illness in a given year, and the rates are climbing. Among physicians, the rate is even higher as the time spent in medical training significantly increases the risk of poor mental health. None of us are fully immune from the ravages of mental health problems. This book is about the fallibility of us all, including the doctors who are supposed to care for us. It is about the fine line of illness and normal emotion, and about how to change the norms of medical practice in light of human weakness. It’s for individuals who suffer from mental illness. It’s for their loved ones. It’s for anyone who interacts with someone with a mental illness. In short, it’s for all of us.
I am a family man, family physician, baseball-lovin', non-fiction-readin', movie-watchin', health care policy advocatin', child of the Intermountain West. I'm working hard to decrease the stigma surrounding mental illness in our society and among doctors who suffer from depression and anxiety. Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook (@kbjones11), and on my website kylebradfordjones.com. I'd love to hear from you!
This was a hard book to tackle, not in terms of style so much as subject matter and the dark reality of this author's life. It tended to swing between many areas in a complex and confusing way at times, but it provides a good insight into the perils of residency and the way that doctors are subjected to extraordinary abuse in their profession. I wish that there had been a bit more regarding the therapy and mental illness aspect of his journey, and I hope that eventually, he finds more solutions that work for him and his lifestyle in handling the menace that is anxiety and depression.
I very much thought that the parts of the book discussing the manner in which young doctors in training are bullied and used to the advantage of older physicians, whether it be for drug deals or for anger management, were the most valuable. Holding the balance of people's lives in your hands is already a weighty enough career- to have to face infighting and abuse from those who are supposed to teach you is appalling. I think as well the author's discussion of loss of faith (or, perhaps better said, waning faith) in the Mormon community is valuable too in that it is somewhat of a controversial discussion, but deals with very important matters.
While a little patchworked, and feeling a bit like it could have been dedicated to a memoir of practice rather than a life memoir, it was a solid book with some interesting and very important points. It is personal and doesn't shy away from very hard questions or dark thoughts, and that's a refreshing thing to see placed into a book.
"Fallible: A Memoir of a Young Physician's Struggle with Mental Illness by Kyle Bradford Jones covers his experiences regarding mental health during medical school and his residency.
I found it thought provoking. Though Jones only tells of his personal experiences, I couldn't help help but think about the wider picture of the United States mental health crisis. The latter is only my opinion, but I do think the country needs to change in some regards for the mental well being of it citizens. Right now, the country glorifies exhaustion, material wealth, and power/hierarchy more than happiness and relationships. We are an unhappy stressed out bunch compared to some other countries. Often times instead of percieving fallibility as opportunities for learning and growth, we have been taught that mistakes are massive failures that only change our lives for the worse, but everyone is fallible, and perfection does not exist, so why should we needlessly obsess over unrealistic expectations that may lead to poor mental and physical health? I only need to get my brain to believe that! Haha! Easier said, than done, but the first step is awareness.
I will think about this book for a long time. It taught me a lot. It gave me more empathy for my Doctors and other medical professionals. Physicians are leading in suicides- this is a scary and heartbreaking fact. After reading this, I'm also a little relieved my oldest son has decided not to attend medical school ( but of course if he changed his mind and wanted to go, I'd support him in that decision too).
I'm thankful to Jones for sharing his life with readers. I found it engaging, informative, and think it will help increase understanding about mental illness. There were a few elements that I felt needed more details and depth about their meanings in relation to the author's experiences. Jones mentions his faith, The Church of Latter Day Saints and how he struggled with it during medical school and residency due to his mental illness. With the exception of his time overseas, I felt that it is mentioned too briefly in parts, it kind of feels tossed in, and I had a difficult time understanding its significance especially during his residency. I also felt that way about the term "gargoyle" to describe anxiety and depression. I think these two things could either be expanded upon or left out. While reading this it feels like Jones sits on the ledge of an epiphany but doesn't quite actualize it due to the above mentioned elements. However, I feel this book could help people feel less alone in their struggles. I know it helped me.
I received a free advance review copy (e-book) via BookSirens in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to the author, publishers, and BookSirens.
Kyle Bradford Jones is a young physician who has suffered with anxiety and depression for much of his life. This is his story. The book takes the reader through his mission work with the LDS church, his college and medical school years and into his residency as a physician.
I was so excited to read this book. As the primary caregiver for a loved one with mental illness, as well as someone who enjoys all things related to the medical field, this book seemed tailor-made for me. Unfortunately, the book fell short of its promise. Jones story seemed scattered - as memoirs sometimes do. However this book seemed to never figure out exactly what it wanted to be. Is it about mental illness? Is it about the callousness of physicians? Is it about therapists who either aren't engaged with or don't care about their patients? Is it about a young man's struggles to navigate life? There were very few positives in this book. Jones negative depictions of many of the physicians that supervised him throughout his medical education gave me the impression that these doctors were more the norm than the exceptions. While there were a few "feel good" stories interspersed throughout, the overall feel of the book was negative. This book was less about Jones battle with mental illness and more about how other people made his illness worse. It was less about his medical education and more about how jaded and broken those in the medical field and the medical field itself actually are.
In spite of the negative vibes, the book was not terrible, nor was it difficult to read or to finish. There is definitely an audience for this book. It is just not for me.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
This is a difficult book, written through the lens of a stressed, tired man dealing with anxiety, depression, and the pressure of medical training. For some 90% of the text, it's dark, anxious, and makes the reader question the author's choice to become a doctor. An example:
"How much more limited could I be in my efforts to become a physician? I suffered crippling fatigue, crushing anxiety, guilt-ridden depression, constant humiliation at the hands of my superiors, no personal time , constant responsibilities that left me no time to think, anticipation of impending disaster, distorted thinking that left me nearly inept at learning much, and having to take on many of the responsibilities of nurses and staff. I was trying to thread a needle with a rope."
Between his mental health challenges and his outlook on the medical profession, it's a wonder he didn't turn around and walk out partway through, never turning back.
Which is much the same as I felt while reading the book, actually. He highlights the absolute worst parts of his experiences, leaving one with little faith in him as a doctor or the medical field as a whole. Other doctors pushing hard to ensure he can think on his feet is felt as bullying, learning every bit of medical minutiae extreme, and the omnipresent on-call portion of his job seen as a burden.
Which is exactly what the anxious, depressed part of his brain fed him, nonstop. It's exhausting, difficult, and soul-draining. From the perspective of showing mental illness, this book nails it. For learning what medical education is, the book is highly imbalanced towards the negative.
Depression is a serious medical condition that is associated with symptoms such as melancholy, loss of pleasure, loss of energy, difficulty in concentrating, and suicidal thoughts. Anxiety is a mental health disorder characterized by feelings of worry, anxiety, or fear that are strong enough to interfere with one's daily activities. Depression and anxiety disorders are different, but people with depression often experience symptoms similar to those of an anxiety disorder. But, each disorder has its own causes and its own emotional and behavioral symptoms. Nearly 1 in every 5 Americans deal with mental illness in a year.
Fallible: A memoir of a young physicians struggle with mental illness is an eye opener to the fact that Depression and anxiety can strike anyone, including the doctors who are supposed to care for us. This book shows the darker side of the medical industry. This is Kyles story of mental struggle before and during his career as a physician.
Parts of this memoir were troubling to read due to the content. The mentions of abuse, bullying, callous behaviors, and misappropriation of resources within the medical field were very hard to read. Unfortunately, medical professionals are still just people, and all people are fallible.
I struggle with GAD and depression so this book resonated with me on a personal level. This was a well written and thought-provoking novel.
I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley and Booksirens in exchange for an honest review.
Fallible is a memoir written by a medical doctor about his experience of living with anxiety and depression amid grueling medical training and the everyday realities of the profession.
This exceptionally well-written account highlights the little-known fact that many medical professionals struggle with mental illness even while being burdened with the responsibility of caring for others. It gives readers an inside view of a system that, in many cases, creates and/or helps to feed the monster.
Of equal importance, the book talks about the stigma attached to mental illness and the need to increase awareness of the problem. Dr. Jones demonstrates courage and determination as he bares his soul and speaks about his very personal experiences.
Sublime line: “This is an eye-opening memoir about mental illness and the medical profession delivered in a well-written, interesting, and engaging style.”
In a world where depression and anxiety are at epidemic proportions, this book helps educate those of us dealing with it ourselves as well as gives great information to help us lift our friends and family out of the difficulties they are suffering. This book is a must-read for all parents of teenagers who are fighting to navigate the mine field of today’s world! Very well written and informative!
Fallible means capable of making mistakes or being wrong.And this word were used to describe me many times. I am gonna be honest. I cried many times while reading this book. Why? Because it is too relatable and it did triggered me many times. I too am diagnosed with MDD and GAD like the author. Almost 90% of what he had gone through, I also did go through. His struggles as a student, a parent , a husband , a physician and many more really reminded me of my own struggles. It took me awhile actually to read this book. I received this book from Booksirens 3 months ago. I just had to read it slowly and stopped at many parts for a few days before I continue reading. Simply because it is SO RELATABLE! The agony of having anxiety and panic attacks during those time that he was obligated to be stable was so sad and frustrating. He identifies his struggles as a 'gargoyle'. A gargoyle that would mess up his mind out of nowhere. Yes, panic attacks would often come out of no where.
This book really explained an captured what every peer( People With Lived Experience - Mental Health Instability) goes through during 'episodes'. I too lost my job in the end ( but not as horrible as his experience ) Yes, I do agree with the author that at the end of the day , support from everyone and religion are the two main keys for a peer to be stable. He too experience misdiagnoses , consuming all sorts of psychiatric medications like i did and also tones of therapies. This book is 90% me actually.I wish that I have the courage and stable enough to write a book. The phrase " Just buck up and deal with it ; life is hard for everybody" was mentioned in this book. This phrase should never be said to a peer or to anyone actually. It would only dehumanise others in my opinion. In a nutshell, if you want to know what a peer goes through regardless of his/her diagnosis(es) YOU SHOULD READ THIS BOOK!.
I chose to read this book because of the title and blurb. As a person who suffers from clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder myself, it's always refreshing to read about others who suffer from the same issues. Fallible is a doctor's memoir of dealing with mental illness and how it's affected his personal and professional life. It discusses all his dark moments, the issues he's faced, the positives and negatives of being a medical professional and suffering from mental illness. He talks a lot about his family and his religious views too, which I will admit I'm not a fan of. Especially when he said that: "for some faith may have a detrimential effect on their mental health". Personally, I don't think faith or religion have anything to do with mental health and it should be left out of discussions having to do with mental health. It's already hard enough for people to talk about it with other people. Jones should know because he's had rotten luck with therapists. There's nothing worse than a biased therapist.
I will give him though that being in a medical professional has it's major stresses. Especially med school. They put so much pressure on students especially with all the material they have to cram in on a daily basis. Now more than ever I think we understand how stressful it is for medical professionals with this pandemic going on. Essential workers and them are the front lines of this country and even in the world. Overall I really enjoyed this book, especially his relationship and love for his family. Also the quotes and songs in the beginning of the chapters was refreshing to see. Like I said the only thing I disliked was his religious talk. Thank you to Booksirens and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for a honest review.
I received a free digital copy via BookSirens in exchange for an honest review.
I appreciate the author's experiences and his willingness to share his struggles of what most would consider deeply personal. Unfortunately the stigma surrounding mental illnesses is still in full effect so this makes it difficult for so many to speak up when they need help. Books like this are important, because it helps others going through these same struggles feel less alone. However, sometimes these books can also end up overwhelming their intentions when they involve many threads and do not all seem to connect in a complete way for the reader.
The author does not shy away from the realities of life as a med student and resident, while dealing with anxiety and depression, while also being a young husband and eventually father. It was frustrating to read about these older physicians often taking out their own anger or issues on residents, or just power-tripping for no reason. That mental strain alone would cause plenty of mental health issues on their own.
An honest and courageous account of a young physician dealing with mental illness and the struggles of a demanding profession. A must-read for anyone dealing with depression. There is hope. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Fallible by Kyle Bradford Jones is a doctor's account of living with mental illness and how it has impacted on his personal and professional life. As a health care professional and family doctor he is in a position that gives him and interesting and original perspective. In the book he very honestly discusses the difficulties he has faced and the darkest moments that he has made his way through, with a particular emphasis on how this has had both positive and negative effects on his practice as a doctor. He also discusses his faith, and I appreciated that while he is a man of faith, he is open to the idea that for some faith may have a detrimental effect on their mental health. I found his story interesting though I was surprised by how negative his experiences with therapists were, and he had seen a few, though he did admit towards the end of the book that the fault may have laid with him. This is a brave book, and one that I think will make more people appreciate the pressures that so many medical professionals face, while also letting those professionals know that it is okay to speak out about their mental health. I read and reviewed an ARC courtesy of NetGalley and the publisher, all opinions are my own.
Kyle Bradford Jones is a physican in the USA, and this book documents his mental health issues throughout his life, particularly during his medical training.
Suffering from anxiety myself, I saw this as a great opportunity to read and learn from someone else's journey. Bradford Jones offers a wealth of good learning points and ways in which the health care system can and should offer better support. I am not a medical practitioner but a lot was completely relevant to my own experience.
Take note that a lot of Bradford Jones's life is centred around his faith as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints; I wish this had been pointed out in the promotional material as this was an element of the book which I had not looked for and do not engage with.
I really, really wanted to fall in love with this book. I think this is a niche book for Religious Physicians. I had a hard time getting into this book. I kept thinking, as a reader, why should I care about this book? I was frustrated about not feeling connected to the story at all. Had I known that this book covered much of Dr. Jones' experience with religion and the church, I would have passed on this book.
It wasn't until I was finished with about 70% of the book when I really started getting into it. It wasn't until about the 90% mark when I really started to enjoy the read.
That being said, it does not mean that I think the book didn't have merit. Overall, the book was well written, but I was not the target audience.
Thank you to BookSirens for a free copy of this ARC.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
This memoir contains an account “a young physician’s struggle with mental illness” and informative and thought-provoking reflections. I learned a lot more about the challenges of medical students and I have read a fair amount of books written by physicians about the early years of practice and/or residency. This is a source for gaining insight into what it means to be a physician in America in the twenty- first century. It also offers some glimpses of how mental illness undermines us. I found Dr. Kyle Bradford Jones’ memoir to be very interesting. He is a thoughtful, brave man who seems to care about patients, colleagues, and his profession a great deal. I am glad I read his book.
Kyle Bradford Jones recounts his life battling anxiety and depression, from his youth to his becoming a physician in the dysfunctional world of America's broken health care system. Written from the heart, his easy, prose style, tinged with humor, provides a safe landing into a culture rife with humanly impossible expectations.
Authoritative and well-written, Fallible is a book everyone should read. It shares an insider's look into our current disease-care system held captive by an inhumane, money-driven treatment model.
A sincere thank you to the publisher, author and Netgalley for providing me an ebook copy of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.
This is not my usual genre, I’m more of a crime/thriller reader however this story intrigued me. I absolutely loved it, truly one of the best books I have read. I am extremely pleased and grateful to both for opening up my mind to something totally different.
I slogged through about half of this book, but it wasn’t the “light” read I hoped. The writer isn’t to blame for my struggles, as he uses language beautifully at times to describe the struggle of a young man becoming a doctor while battling some emotional struggles. If I were a med student or someone who was considering medical training, this would be a wonderful insight into the realities of training and the gaps in the system.
This was a fantastic look into the process of becoming an MD and the way mental health can take a huge hit due to the poor practices being perpetuated as young people develop into "Real Physicians".
I recommend this book to anyone considering becoming a doctor.
I enjoyed Jones' straight forward, honest approach to telling his story. As an author he laid bare the thoughts that scared him most. The vulnerability made this book really impactful to me.
A honest and unflinching look at the mental health. Fallible explores a young doctors own thoughts, feelings and experiences with his mental health and his faith.
As a clinical pharmacist working in primary care with a personal history of mental illness, I could relate to this story on the deepest of levels. It made me feel better about publishing a novel based on my own struggles. It takes great courage and vulnerability to expose our weaknesses, and stories such as this are food for my soul! -Athena Milios, author of “Emerging From the Wasteland”
I enjoy a book that gives you a lot of bang for your buck. (I also, apparently, love alliteration). I’ve established that I love mental illness memoirs, but I also love nonfiction that gives you a powerful insider’s view into an unfamiliar territory. There is a lot to learn from Dr. Kyle Bradford’s Infallible, the story of a physician struggling with mental illness. Not only is it a portrait of the innate, physical, and environmental factors of depression, but it is also a fascinating glimpse into the world of practicing medicine and it even touches upon Mormon missionary work.
We’re probably all familiar with some of the horror stories of medical residency. Doctors showing up to work drunk, or forced to work on so little sleep they have the judgment or motor skills of someone who is drunk. The financial pressure of the pharmaceutical industry on the field of medicine which can lead to corrupt practices like improper diagnoses and prescriptions. Burnt out doctors who become abusive toward patients and staff. Dr. Bradford witnesses it all and despite some of this being common knowledge he still has harrowing and unique anecdotes to tell. It is no wonder that substance abuse and mental illness run rampant in the field.
Dr. Bradford takes a multi-faceted approach to exploring his mental illness, much as I imagine he takes a holistic approach to treating a patient. He struggles with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. He effectively uses the metaphor of a gargoyle to describe its presence—something looming in the distance eerily looking down on him. I liked that while he readily acknowledged that the enormous environmental and life stressors of medical residency, moving, and having children had a significant impact on his mood, he also felt he had a natural genetic and chemical predisposition toward depression and anxiety. He explores how he’d experienced these feelings in the past and coped with them through over-achieving, often referring to his “Superman” complex. He poses the classic chicken or egg question of whether he’d chosen his profession because he was anxious to prove himself and his worth, or whether the profession itself drove that perfectionist anxiety within him, ultimately concluding that it was a symbiotic relationship.
Another interesting angle to Dr. Bradford’s story is that he is a Mormon and spent two years as a missionary in Ukraine. He acknowledges that a feeling of disconnection from his faith has played a role in his depression as well. He also explores how certain aspects of Mormon culture, such as his inability to have coffee, drove him to unhealthy choices like trying to drink soda to stay awake during his long shifts, further exacerbating his depression.
The doctor’s experiences seeking treatment for his condition from inept doctors were almost comical at times. He met therapists who kicked him out of their office after he talked for twenty minutes and they gave him a curt response like telling him to exercise. He also cycled through a few medications before finding one that worked for him. He spent years identifying factors in his life that could help alleviate his symptoms, which included medication, therapy, church, family, finding more fulfilling and less draining avenues to pursue in medicine and, finally, sharing his story to help others.
The book is written in a very conversational tone that may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Dr. Bradford noted that someone suggested he write the book to help others after hearing him tell his story on the radio, and I can definitely see that. At times it seems to ramble or go off on tangents, and could have used a tighter structure or organization. However, it didn’t particularly bother me as a reader as I found pretty much everything he had to say interesting.
I think it was very brave of Dr. Bradford to tell his story. We live in a day and age where more and more, it has come to light that people we once entrusted with our safety and looked up to as heroes—teachers, priests, doctors, police—can be deeply flawed people working within broken infrastructures. There is still enough of a stigma attached to mental illness that especially as a doctor treating other patients it was courageous of him to put his “fallibility” out there for all to see and to demonstrate that admitting some of this brokenness and seeking solutions is really a heroic act in the end.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Fallible is a candid memoir about the challenges related to dealing with mental health as well as the journey people with mental health disorders face as they try to navigate the mental health care system to find therapy, medication and strategies to cope with anxiety and depression. I think that having the courage to face the stigma related to mental health head on by writing a very personal story is something that needs to be commended. The more that we talk about mental health and the impact it has on so many people, the more we can understand the struggles of those around us. This book is an important read for both people who have suffered mental health challenges, and also those who have not, to help bring to light the impact mental health has on all aspects of people's lives.
As important I think this book is, it also wasn't quite what I was expecting. The secondary title is "A memoir of a young physician's struggle with mental illness", so I was thinking this would be a medical memoir, about the navigating college, medical school, residency and beginning to practice medicine, and the impact that mental illness has on this already challenging career path. Instead, I would say the book focused more on the author's life with mental illness and the journey he took to finding strategies and support, while simultaneously becoming a doctor. A large portion of the book focused on his developing awareness of his mental health concerns, his family and religious life, including a two year mission in Ukraine, the early years of his marriage as he started a family and his experiences navigating the mental health care system including therapy, psychiatry and medication. Becoming a doctor at times felt like a background activity despite the gruelling education and training that goes into it. While the challenges physicians with mental health were definitely explored, especially from the author's own personal perspective, I would say this book is more about anxiety and depression in general and less so about becoming a doctor.
I really enjoy reading memoirs about different careers, lifestyles and cultures, so I was looking forward to being immersed in the medical training world, and that wasn't quite what I got from this book. That being said, as someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I also enjoy reading memoirs about people who have had similar experiences or challenges to me. I definitely got that from this book. As a result, I would recommend this book for anyone who wants to read a memoir about mental illness and its impact on all aspects of a person's life, from family to education to career. If someone is interested specifically on how mental illness may affect high-stress careers such as those in the medical field, this is definitely a perfect memoir for them! If you are looking for a memoir about surviving medical school, this one is still a great read and includes some personal experiences about becoming a doctor, it just may not be as big of a focus as in some other medical memoirs.
I so appreciate having the opportunity to read a free advance review copy of this book through Booksirens and the publisher, and am leaving this review voluntarily.
"Society wants (and deserves) intelligent, compassionate, and effective physicians. The current arrangement dulls intellect through unsustainable and dangerous schedules, kills the compassion intrinsic in medical students and residents, and sacrifices efficacious quality of care for the “efficiency” of seeing patients in an increasingly short amount of time. We need to reassess our goals."
In Fallible, Dr. Kyle Bradford Jones takes a necessary shotgun challenge to the medical industry establishment in a manner stylistically comparable to that of Silent Spring by Rachel Carson. While Carson wrote a seminal piece on environmentalism, Jones focuses on the less planetary world of American healthcare. The voting public will benefit from reading Fallible, but the book will be especially valuable to the premedical student as part of college curricula and also to people interested in public policy and law. It will furthermore be interesting to people with mental illnesses.
Jones starts out with the conundrum of having an illness as a doctor, and he warns that inadequate attention to physicians' health has been becoming alarming:
"Nearly one-third of doctors-in-training suffer from a mental illness. Physicians have a suicide rate three times higher than the general population among men, five times higher among women."
He also examines some of the causes for this disturbingly high rate, giving it context via his own life experience ( he has an anxiety disorder). He touches on alcoholism and drug usage among doctors, generally. A key target of discussion is the rather perverse culture of medical training. His insider's description inspires a notion of having basic training with a military drill sergeant over-lording you not for six weeks but for many years. Medical culture dehumanizes its own in its present state.
Though he focuses his thoughts about professional psychology on the abusiveness of senior personnel, he makes a brief but important description of the impact of medical malpractice suits brought against doctors. Ambulance chasers' assaults on humanity take a grim toll on the psychology of physicians. The subsequent effects on doctors' empathy and compassion are likewise grim. The general public, he asserts, greatly underestimates the devastating effect legal actions have on subsequent morale and performance.
The extent to which the American medical establishment has become a business figures prominently at the beginning of the book:
"The Hippocratic Oath, which all doctors take when they graduate from medical school, begins with the charge “Primum non nocere” (“First do no harm”). But when something reimburses well, the oath becomes more of a loose guideline than anything else . . .” "
Naturally, he highlights the largess and mercenary behaviors of some pharmaceutical companies.
Jones ends the book with a to - do list of general measures and goals to be focused on. Like Carson's work, the book is both inspired, depressing, yet very necessary and timely. I do not doubt that Jones will harvest quite a bit of scorn for writing it. He deserves quite a bit of admiration for doing so as well.
Fallible will be of interest to you if you are one of the many thousands living with ongoing, severe anxiety or depression. It will be of interest to you if you are a medical practitioner, or considering a medical career. And as the book shows, sadly, there is a huge overlap between these two target audiences. It is an important book, but I disliked reading it, because it is a perfect illustration of Aaron Beck’s theory of depression and anxiety. According to Beck, depression is the manifestation of three “core beliefs:” “The world is a terrible place. There is something wrong with me, so that I cannot cope. There is no hope: it will always be like this.” Anxiety’s core beliefs are almost identical. Merely replace “terrible” with “dangerous.” Until the last quarter of the book, Fallible is a constant whine, as Kyle himself says in a number of places. This autobiography provides dozens of counterexamples a cognitive or narrative therapist could have used to lead him out of his suffering, but he consistently focuses on the negatives. This is entirely appropriate, and powerful, but not enjoyable. Kyle is a natural writer. Vivid, compelling language takes you into the situation, including things like heart replacement surgery and childbirth without anesthetic. My profession is psychology, but I have many physician friends, and am aware of the facts of medical training in my country, Australia. The worst part of it is long shifts and ongoing pressure, but I was shocked and revolted at Kyle’s description of the way medical students are treated in the USA. “Roughly one doctor takes their own life every day, a rate over twice that of other professions” (p 179). There is certainly a need for reform, for changing a toxic culture. To his credit, his autobiographical account is also a call to arms for that reform. He pulls no punches in exposing all that’s wrong with the American health care system. Toward the end of the book, there are passages I can only describe as beautiful. Kyle shows the power of being open about personal problems in liberating others ashamed of their suffering. While much of the book is “poor me, poor me,” this is where it leads. “Yes, I am poor me, but I am doing good, and so can you.” Kyle then has a list of 12 recommendations for reforming the medical system to reduce or even eliminate the tortures it has imposed on him. I agree with all of them. On balance, as I stated, this is an important book that should be read by mental health professionals, those shaping the culture of the American medical profession, and people who want to follow Kyle out of self-created hell.
As with most memoirs, this saga spans many sectors of life: religious faith (Mormon), an arduous journey (years of medical training), loneliness and solitude (missionary work in the Ukraine), deep, abiding love (a wife and kids), and obstacles (relentless anxiety). Jones relates his struggle with generalized anxiety disorder and in attaining a stable life. This difficulty is amplified by the fact that he undertakes psychologically stressful education to become a physician.
The hardships never really resolve, which may turn off some readers. Nonetheless, Jones perseveres with dignity. As much as we might hope for an amazing conclusion, his story relates a soberly realistic narrative of mental illness. The optimism stems from the humanity that flows forth and the determination of our human condition. This is not a success story – even though the protagonist practices medicine at a high level in an academic medical center. No, not achievement, but the steely strength to face each tomorrow deserves our admiration.
Overall, Jones’ telling of the tale uses quality words and technique. He returns over and again to the motif of a “gargoyle,” which symbolizes his chronic issues with anxiety. This “fallible” nature stands at odds with Jones’ (and society’s) traditional stoic view of a physician. Interestingly, a profession which must empathize with so much humanity cannot share that human frailty in itself. Jones basks in such irony.
Renditions of mental illness leave me with a question: What would the person be like without the disease? This question is ultimately unresolvable because the humanity and the mental illness are wedded. They dance together in life – even with the help of modern medicines, talk therapy, and never-ending efforts to reduce stigma. Like it or not, the Kyle Jones, MD, is, in no small measure, defined by his lifelong effort to isolate anxiety so as to limit its encroachment upon his life.
This book is recommended to those who know someone who struggles with a mental illness and to those who are that someone who struggles with a mental illness. That covers about every human! Although not all those who seriously struggle with mental health attain as much professional success as Jones, the innate dignity he brings to his condition bleeds through this book into readers’ hearts and souls. That force of humanity reminds us that our strength as humans, in no small part, lies in our fallibility.
I received this book in the days before the world tilted and people died. In the wake of their death, the air turned toxic, a pandemic ensued.
Reading "Fallible" suddenly became more relevant than ever possibly expected.
To face the beast head on is daunting to say the least, but doing so with a gargoyle perched on your shoulder...pernicious. Kyle Bradford Jones' opens the window to what it's like to suffer with your own illness yet put every waking moment, every ounce of his failing body, every bit of the humanity he sees as the most critical lesson, not found in any textbook. A realization that blinded him from the very first day of medical school when each student received a complimentary textbook donated by a major pharmaceutical company. Ironically, the banner above read a quote by Hippocrates ---"Wherever the art of medicine is loved, there is also the love of humanity."
That very first day, the "Future Dr. Jones" learned "medicine is not about 'the art' or a 'love of humanity' that Hippocrates described--it's a business."
I devoured this book. I know now a what's its like for all our medical personnel fighting this war we are in. I now know the demands placed upon these angels, soul crushing 30+ hour shifts, on a normal day. How is it humanly possible? It's not. Especially as you fight your own demons.
How much trauma can one physician suffer? Something about which we haven't a clue---doctors suffer too.
Physicians are human, under immense stress coupled with a broken healthcare system. Yet, each and every day are managing through exhaustive hours, dying patients--death. Each death is a failure to a physician.
In the final pages Dr. Jones lists eleven "interventions" proven to help improve physician "well-being." I imagine his list has grown exponentially in this past 30 or so days.
The theme of this review is courage. I was fascinated by this doctor's personal struggles with anxiety and depression. This is stuff that physicians never talk about: Their own problems and vulnerabilities. This is a bold move. In the context of his training and home life, it was revealing to see how Dr Jones learned to cope and move on with his medical education and training. This should give hope to those among us who likewise suffer. Because I know Dr Jones personally, my sympathy was more genuine than it might otherwise have been. And my admiration for him and his transparency grew as I moved from chapter to chapter. The shocking revelations about some aspects of health care were unsettling, to say the least. Examples include: 1) physicians caring for patients - in and out of surgery - while inebriated; 2) residents working inhumane hours and caring for patients under compromising conditions; and 3) medical decisions made by some physicians, with insurance reimbursements taking precedence over patient needs. This was disturbing stuff! I truly appreciate Dr Jones shedding light on these unacceptable practices and conditions, probably risking professional censure in the process. How can the public put pressure on the medical community and legislators -- and change effected -- if these things are not brought to light? I have read two or three op-ed pieces written by Dr Jones, and that is what led me to purchase this book. I hope he keeps writing. Bob Fotheringham
This was a thoroughly interesting book that deserves not to be rushed - I wanted to say that I enjoyed it, but that is never a good word for something on this subject matter. But enjoyed it in that I found it to be interesting and thought provoking.
I wanted to thank the author for his honesty, in describing his thoughts, feelings and battles with mental health as well as highlighting the flaws in getting help for these issues as well as in the medical profession as a whole. Having spent time working in a veterinary college, also a profession with high levels of mental health problems (superhero complexes) and suicide rates I particularly enjoyed being able to make comparisons with hat I knew from that industry.
My only criticism is that I felt the book lost it's way a little for a few chapters at the end (chapters 8 and 9), the chapters before that were chronological and followed the progress through, and again at the end. But, those two seemed confused, jumbled and without a real purpose. I think maybe they just needed a little more structure. Finally, I liked to read about the authors family at the end, but felt they had been strangely absent in the middle of the book, but the author himself acknowledges this.
I'd certainly recommend this book to others who wish to read about the same subject.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.