Why Bother?: Discover the Desire for What’s Next

by Jennifer Louden

The most important question you’ll ever ask yourself

In Why Bother? personal-growth expert Jennifer Louden challenges you to open your mind, your heart, and your life by following where the question leads. Through reflection and stories from others, Louden shows that asking "why bother?" is natural and inevitable, and can bring you to a place of increased vitality, true satisfaction, and deeper meaning. Louden demonstrates why it’s important to bother after creative faceplants, professional defeats, heartbreak, illness, and loss. She shows why you’re worth prioritizing at any time of your life, even after sidelining your dreams to raise kids, pay the rent, or take care of aging parents. And—crucially—she shows you how tapping into your deepest desires can give you the energy to move forward—even when the world seems in such dire straits.

After all, no one wants the alternative—giving up, shutting down, or phoning it in. It's time to reclaim the dignity and beauty of your desires. It's time to get your bother on.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Writing, Audiobook, Personal Development, Ebooks

362 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 10, 2020

Reviews

[Virginie Roy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is full of insights and interesting quotes, plus every chapter evolves around examples coming from the author's life.

I have to admit I'm in a good place in my life, so I didn't need this book right now, but Louden's advices are easy to follow and could help you out. If you feel stuck in your life right now, this book could really make you move forward.

Publication date: April 21st, 2020

Thanks to Page Two Books and Netgalley for the digital ARC in exchange of an honest review.

[Maxine (Booklover Catlady) · Rating 5 out of 5]

JUST BUY THIS BOOK.

So, I’m currently purging my bookcases. I have over 1500 books on them. So I’m culling what to keep and what to pass on. Of course as I’m doing this I’m finding books I read years ago and get distracted and read again. This is one of those. This one is staying on the bookshelves.

Where do I start about this book? I needed this book right now to fall into my hands and I can honestly say with all of my heart that I will never live my life the same way again. It's almost impossible to really describe the way the book has impacted me and how I believe it can impact anyone who absorbs it. It is for those saying "what next?" and so many other questions.

Why Bother? That is the question. The answers in this book are not only what I call epiphany lightbulb messages but if applied to your life, it cannot do anything BUT change for the better. This is not about fluffy positive mental attitude or staring at a candle saying "OHM" over and over. It's not self-help, it's more than that.

Why do we do so much in life that does not serve us, or make us happy? Rushing around, listening to the "shoulds` in our minds. Spending time doing things that will never bring us any joy? Keeping friendships that are really not bring you joy. Going places you’d really rather not go but feel guilty if you don’t?

It doesn't have to be like that. Jennifer talks of everything from just "sitting" - which involves slowing down, or setting aside a few hours, a day, a week, whatever works for you and just listening to what you need RIGHT NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week but in that moment, for that day. Then giving yourself those things that you desire.

How do we numb ourselves? Everyday life addictions that block us from our real selves, true connection and actually being alive, fully engaged. What are your addictions? She talks of many, like online games, bingeing for hours on Netflix, stuffing our faces with food and not even noticing, then beating ourselves up about it. As for social media? Is it working for you? Does seeing somebody's "beautiful" life and comparing it to yours really good for you? Are you exhausted from keeping up your image or brand on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and then realising that you don't know the real you anymore?

From the book blurb:

Louden demonstrates why it’s important to bother after creative faceplants, professional defeats, heartbreak, illness, and loss. She shows why you’re worth prioritizing at any time of your life, even after sidelining your dreams to raise kids, pay the rent, or take care of aging parents. And—crucially—she shows you how tapping into your deepest desires can give you the energy to move forward—even when the world seems in such dire straits.

After all, no one wants the alternative—giving up, shutting down, or phoning it in. It's time to reclaim the dignity and beauty of your desires. It's time to get your bother on.

Are you tired of being a yes person? Do you caretake for others out of guilt or seeking praise and admiration. This book will really let you see (if you let it) what really matters and how to live life differently.

Jennifer urges us to tap into our desires, dig deep into what we really want to do and how we want to live life then simply doing it. She gives you the tools though. Sharing her own journey was powerful as are the stories of others who just found that they were saying Why Bother way too much. What resonated with me was when Jennifer realised that her years of dreaming and striving and working to be a writer and make it big with screenplays wasn't working for her. She wanted to be successful with it. It meant a lot. It was what she thought she was going to be/do. A voice inside was saying "let it go`. It was an inner battle but she did. What came of that was a whole new direction and a number of bestselling books.

We don't need to do anything for a minute that makes us unhappy. We have choices. Lots of them.

With a real heart for empowering and encouraging, Jennifer hits the mark with this book. My review has touched on maybe 5% of what is in the book. I had emotions running through me when reading every single word. Somehow, you just GET IT. That's what the book does.

No matter where you are in life right now, I guarantee you that this book can and will change your life in some way for the better. It can be so simple as stopping all the noise, the internet, the TV, the emails that yell at you for instant response, the messages on Facebook you really have no energy for and finding things that bring you joy.

This morning, before writing this review one of my cats came to me and was just loving being stroked and cuddled. He purred and looked at me with unconditional love in his eyes. He was in the moment. Receiving the love. Cats get it. Instead of rushing that time because I needed to write this review/have my morning coffee/check Twitter/start a new book/answer my emails blah blah blah I just grabbed the joy I felt.

Oh man, I don't feel like I am giving this book the kudos it deserves. What I hope is you will read this book for yourself. Buy it for your friends and family. Borrow it from someone. Just read it. I have read so many "self-help" books for over 25 years and this is not really in that category but it has had more impact on me than all of them rolled together. In fact most self-help books are on repeat and not helpful at all.

Find the meaning and purpose in your life and go for it. First step? Grab the book and get ready.

Thanks so much for reading my review! If you’d like to connect you can follow me or please send me a friend request. 🐱

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not your average self-help book. While other books in this genre float around midstream, this one soars above the others and lifts us with it. The author doesn't tell us how to bother, or why to bother, or how to live a life that's full of joy and meaning. Instead, she offers examples from her own times of not-bothering and shares how she found doorways and paths out of such overwhelm, grief, transition, loss, and depression.

I know that anyone who is going through anything difficult will resonate with the bright wisdom and teaching that is found here.

Especially helpful to me on my own journey are the thought-provoking, soul-stirring questions that are at the end of each chapter. Again, we are not told what to do or how to do it. We are simply invited to bring the questions into our own hearts and lives, so that we can find our own answers to the original "why bother" question. This is the most powerful teaching!

My copy is already underlined and highlighted and you can be sure that I will be reading this again and again as my life unfolds. I will also be gifting it to others.

Thanks to Netgally, the author and publisher for an advance reading copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Meredith · Rating 2 out of 5]

After massive life changes and a long recovery from burnout, I was hoping this book would spark some new enthusiasm for... well, anything. I found it to be very repetitive, annoyingly anecdotal, and light on any practical advice. Feeling like you're too old to start over? Well... stop feeling that way! Battling depression, grief, or financial problems? Those are just excuses, get out there and try harder. Or don't try harder, do nothing for a while and see if anything comes to mind that might make you feel better. Lots of people have lost their way and now they're all doing great after some epiphany or another, so you should do the same. And just remember, you matter!

[Jennifer Rumack · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Jennifer Louden's books. The Woman's Comfort book was a favorite of mine during a time that made the concepts particularly applicable. As I began to read this book, I found myself searching for the "tips and tricks"....give me a checklist! When that didn't surface, I eased into the ideas in this book. They are deep. They caused me to think, to highlight, and to take notes for pondering. I ended up needing this book at THIS point in my life. It was particularly poignant and I will buy myself and my friends copies when it is released. #WhyBother #NetGalley

[Elaine · Rating 2 out of 5]

The thing about this book is that it gets a little too long-winded, so much so that at the end of every chapter, I'll go, "Wait, what did she say again?" The author does get very personal, constantly picking out examples from her own life as well as others'. In a way, it does help to connect with readers at different stages of their lives. But it can get too much, and the whole point of that particular portion of the book gets lost in it. Sometimes I even wonder if the example used is entirely appropriate, because then I'd think, "Did she just contradict herself?" These examples can get so long that I forget what she wanted to teach. If they were written to the point, I would have liked it more. The first four chapters of this book is what I enjoyed most.

What I did manage to take home from the 70% that I managed to pull through are meaningful though. What spoke to me most was this quote, an observation from someone the author knows:

"Now that I think about it, the overall gaslighting [of my anger] was the most toxic. Losing trust in my feelings and experiences after being gaslighted made it so easy to not trust my intuition. That's my road to apathy."

There are also many relatable quotes along the way that I love. They allowed me to love myself a little more, be kinder with myself. It would have been more enjoyable if the author hadn't added length to her already thought-provoking content. I couldn't wait for it to finish, and so I decided to do myself a favour and end it.

Why did I bother? Because I want to enjoy reading books that are not as torturous and mind-boggling to get through.

This review is written based on the ARC provided by the publisher through Netgalley.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found Jen’s Instagram page at the beginning of 2021 and immediately connected to the title of this book, “Why Bother?” After a lifetime of high-speed overachieving with a large dose of self-criticism, the forced slowdown of the pandemic gave me plenty of time to reflect on my life’s choices. I slipped into “Why Bother?”, wondering why I had pushed so hard for so long and whether it made any difference at all.

This book is a gentle and helpful guide that gave me steps to consider whether I wanted to stay in “Why Bother” and if I didn’t, how I could move past it to “What’s Next.” It included many candid personal stories from the author and I appreciated her willingness to share some of her darkest and most hopeful mental and emotional experiences with her readers. Her honesty showed me that my thoughts are human and universal and helped me remember that I don’t have to let them control me.

I would recommend this book to anyone who has felt their world rocked and upended by the pandemic. I love the sentiment that has been floating around online for the past several months which is (to paraphrase) “let’s not focus on getting back to normal, let’s rebuild a world that is better than before.” I think anyone who reads this book and uses its lessons to perform some deep self-reflection will be well-equipped to begin post-pandemic life fresher and better than before.

[Liz Norell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I'm a bit of a Jen Louden #fangirl. It's possible I'd like to be her new BFF... but I promise, that aspiration is a _result_ of reading her book, and not the reason I'm about to gush about it.

In tackling an important but challenging topic, Jen Louden brings a tricky balance of hard-won wisdom, vulnerability, and sass to help inspire women around the world to stop hustling and start listening to the niggling sense, often buried under layers and layers of "alien invaders," that what they truly desire is important, matters, and is attainable.

She doesn't sugar-coat the fact that getting your bother on is going to be hard. She says that there's "always a gap between what you can do now and what you want to do." Living in that gap takes patience and courage and a willingness to be uncomfortable. But when you do? That's where creativity flows, it's where we can find our desire, where we can figure out what is ours to care about.

"Desire," she says, "is a one-word feminist manifesto." Yes, yes, yes it is! There are a whole lot of cultural, emotional, and logistical obstacles -- particularly in a world that values performance productivity -- to getting to the root of your desires. Desire isn't something you uncover by throwing money at it; it also, uncoincidentally, may not be something that earns you a living. Perhaps my favorite two lines from the book underscore this:

"Your soul is not toothpaste. It is never for sale."

Opening the pages of this book is like discovering, in one place, the best friend who you can trust to tell you the truth, the wise spiritual teacher who grounds you in what's real, and a companion for the trip you're invited to take into the pathways of your own bright, desire-filled, full-of-bother future.

I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone -- but especially women -- who finds herself (himself) drowning in a sea of cultural messages that say you are somehow inadequate (these are, by the way, the "alien invaders" she speaks of). You aren't inadequate. You are enough. You are alive. And you can channel that spark of life by inviting Jen Louden along for the journey. This book will help you do just that.

And it's marvelous. <3

[Char · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am in love with this book because it answers my life long question of what is my purpose. As a mother of grown adult men, I have struggled with my purpose in the world for some time.

What I want has been tamped down on by me for as long as I can remember. It’s no ones fault I know - I was just doing what was needed for everyone else and it was a privilege to be actively engaged with my family.

This book - each word of which was intentionally chosen and speaks to both the heart of the struggle of finding my purpose as well as the potential pleasure of experimenting with desire - not only answers the question of why bother from a global perspective - It helped me personally discover my own answer to this age old question.

Jens words are a warm balm to my acrid empty life - she encouraged me to go for what I want with incremental actions and incredibly wise loving intuitive support and humor.

Every now and then I find a book that speaks to me in such a personal way that I want to reread it. That is exactly what happened with this book.

I have always wanted to start a nonfiction book club in my community. This book gave me the gentle nudge I needed to climb out of my cocoon and share Jen’s work with others.

It’s a real treasure especially at this time of the pandemic when so much of my life is up in the air. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

[luv4pez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first time reading anything by Jennifer Louden. This book isn't what I expected, but it definitely has me thinking about my life and my bother in a new way. This isn't like most self-help books where a reader is given encouraging generic statements and then told to simply go after their dreams. Louden tells readers to slow down, settle into themselves, and discover what they really want, big or small. The author suggests people take a "desire retreat" where they set aside a specific amount of time, ask themselves what they want, and then follow through on that want until they want something else. It seems so basic, but as a person who hasn't known what she's really, actually wanted for years it's nowhere close to a simple, basic exercise. In fact, I found the idea to be quite daunting. Why Bother is full of useful suggestions and interesting insights to help anyone work through their blah, why bother state.

My full review can be read at My Splendid Mess.

[Elizabuf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jennifer Louden's latest book reads like a deep-into-the-night conversation with a best friend. Introspective and real, Jennifer offers highs and lows in her own life to help us to find the 'why' in our 'bother.' This is not one more mainstream "Oh, Just be happy already and then you'll be happy" sort of book; it's one that asks us to look deeper inside to find the 'why,' our own personal 'why,' beneath the 'what.' This is not a complicated book, but the concepts will stay with you, and keep you pondering and searching for your own 'bother.'

[Theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an important read!

I have been following and learning from Jen Louden since she came out with "The Woman's Comfort Book" back in the early 90s. She has helped me look at my life with awareness and untangle the mess and confusion that keep me stuck. I've been eager to read this new book, and it's even better than I hoped it would be. It's helping me think about my habits and tendencies and ways of thinking in a new way, and to see how I can dig into my Desire, nurture it and care for it so it can bloom. Thank you, Jen, for another gift of your wisdom!

[Kris Verdeck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whether you've been seeking your life's purpose, working through a loss, are just plain stuck or wondering what's next, this book is relevant. I was lucky enough to have attended one of Jen's workshops and already knew how impactful and transformative her stories and techniques could be. Why Bother? is even more so. Jen's humor, honesty and vibrant personality shine through and I can hear her voice as clearly throughout the pages as if she were in the room reading aloud.

[Susan Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Why Bother?", Jennifer Louden's new book is definitely worth the bother. Jen is authentic and I felt like we had been good friends forever by the end of the book. Her ideas are shared, not preachy or talking down to the reader. The wide range of suggested reflections Jen offers will bring new life insights to anyone who bothers to pick it up.

[Ankit Singh · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title of the book was very attractive and I had a hope that I will enjoy the book. I also read some wonderful review. But I could not connect with the book. I just could not continue post 25% of the book as it seemed really monotonous on the tone. It did not excite me to continue reading further.

Thank you publisher, author and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange of an honest review.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are contemplating a change and want to find your deep level “why” then this is the book for you. Jen combines personal stories with practical advice along the journey to “why bother”. She includes helpful questions for each stage along the path. I highly recommend for anyone feeling stuck, facing a decision, or a life pivot.

I received this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Irene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Why Bother? by Jennifer Louden In feeling unsettled, defeated and depressed, the ideas in the book comes at the time when help and support is needed. Have highlighters, pens, and notebooks at the ready, there are a multitude of ideas to explore and contemplate. As the Woman’s Comfort Book did in 2005, Why Brother? is helpful in going through life's rough patches in the 2020s.

Thank you to the publisher, author, and NetGalley for the opportunity to preview the book.

[Megan Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so grateful to have been able to read a pre-release copy of Jen Louden's new book Why Bother?

This question is so ubiquitous in our comparative, somebody's-already-done-that culture. Artificial measures of success make many of us question and drop our life passions and our creative projects. Jen's dared to un-earth this question of "why bother?" and give it light and air, and some supportive discussion with a reflective approach.

It would be easy for this book to be a 5-step process: do these 5 things, and you'll be cured of walking away from what you love. But this book is way more sophisticated than that. I don't know how she did it, but she's managed to write a book that embodies her philosophy when she takes folks on her famous retreats: each person gets a skeletal framework of possible ways to move forward, but then she personalizes it to every individual. I never felt oppressed to do anything to help myself while I read, like so many self-help books do. Instead, she somehow has written a book in which I felt seen, and in which I was offered individualized coaching for an exploration of my own retreat into "why bother?" I got to investigate my own experience of not bothering, while in the presence of a supportive coach who offers opportunities for hope and possibility. How did she do that within a book's covers? She's magical!

One of the most fascinating parts of the book for me was the discussion of our relationships to desire. So many of us have been taught to suppress our desires. We simply can't afford to do that any longer. I definitely want to dive back into that part of the book and do some healing work there.

Highly, highly recommend this book. It's a great one for the times we're living through, when so many of us are reflecting on what we want from the next phase of life, post-Covid19.

[Louise Foerster · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I had no idea needed until I started reading. In WHY BOTHER, Jennifer Louden offers stop-you-in-your everyday thinking and feeling ruts with questions that make you take another look. She shares her own doubts, fears, and failures and the unexpected, unforeseen joy that comes with letting go of what you thought you needed and should be to live your own authentic, fully present life. Her rousing fresh perspective flips you past the dour depression that comes with believing you've come to the end of everything, knowing you will never be enough, never be happy, not now or ever. This book changed me--and came at the perfect time to reassess, to dig deep and discover desire, and to choose from within. I've been a fan of Louden's work for many years, participated in workshops and treasured her clear-sighted compassion and profound wisdom, but this book changed admiration to awe, at her courage and what she created and what she offers to us. I am grateful to Louden, her publisher, and NetGalley for offering me an advance reader copy for my unbiased review.

[Lisa Wells · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've known Jennifer Louden for years....she's the kind of person that you meet (or read) and feel like you've known her all your life. Not only is Jen a master of the written and spoken word, but she has an uncanny mastery of the human condition and spirit. She is at once practical and pragmatic, and yet intuitive and spiritual. She is like your truest BFF - honesty, funny, brave...the real real.

Long before self-care was a social media buzz word (or video), Jen taught us that central to self-care are the practices of self-compassion, self-awareness, and authenticity. If you've lost track of what matters most or who you are (or, in this time of pandemic, who you want to show up as once we emerge), this is a book you need. Jen is a person that provides meaning, humor, grace and inspiration without fail. Get your bother on and get yourself a copy of this book!

Lisa Dewey Wells, M.Ed., RYT

[AcademicEditor · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're on your couch stewing about how you no longer have a job because someone ate a bat, and you no longer have a house because someone threw one of those lame gender reveal parties, this might be the book for you. Louden counsels you not to fight the feeling of "why bother?" but to use it as a way forward, doing the work of envisioning what comes next, aka, "how to bother." It's also refreshing that Louden acknowledges that she is privileged enough that the struggles she's had were not actual survival, as they are for many people. So many self-help books are completely tone-deaf to the fact that not everyone can afford basic needs, let alone self-care appointments, so this book is a better fit for the world we live in now.

Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for a digital ARC for the purpose of an unbiased review.

[Jen Milette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bothering to desire or explore my passions can feel too frivolous when you are a busy mom taking care of young kids while working full-time. It seems like something that is only attainable for those who have more luxury or leisure time. But the truth is today, this moment, is wholly ours. Jen Louden shares her darkest moments with honesty. She does not sugar-coat the hard work she’s had to endure to get to the other side. “Why Bother?” is a guidebook to lead us back to the spark of what makes a well-rounded life. It is a wakeup call to question the mundane. It is a new interpretation on why we need to get our bother on today and not wait for the perfect circumstance to show up. What we yearn for and crave is not frivolous or a luxury. It is our birthright.

[Lynn Jennings · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so excited that this book is finally out! It distills all the wisdom of a lifetime of “learning to bother” in a warm comforting way that feels like talking to an astoundingly wise sister or friend. Jen doesn't offer pat answers or simple platitudes because she knows that we don't need another “guru” to tell us how to live. Instead she uses compelling examples from her own life, dropping breadcrumbs along the way, to help you uncover your own inner knowing of where to go next. I don't recall another book where I've highlighted so much. There are many gems of insight that I want to return to again and again. I'll be keeping this one on my bedside table to constantly remind me that now, more than any other time in my life, is the time to bother!

[Sarah Flick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have known Jen Louden for almost twenty years. I have read every book she has published and given them as gifts to friends and family over these years. I have been so lucky to retreat with her and learn from her and be inspired by her. This book, Why Bother, feels like having tea in front of a fireplace while snow falls outside. It feels like walking in the woods and watching the New Mexico sun rise and set on the same day. This is a book that both brings us home to our true selves and calls us forward into what lies ahead, known or unknown. Jen’s voice rings true in every word. May this book light your path and bring wholeness to our world!

[Terry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although Jen writes books often thought of for "women" I've found her books to be equally important for men. Her "Women's Retreat" book is one of my go-to books as someone who frequently coordinates retreats. It's invaluable. "Why Bother" is an equally important book for men to read. She's been through the dark depths of her life journey from which she has noticed, developed and practiced new habit patterns of experiencing her life from a place of skillful responses instead of unskillful reactions! You'll be glad you picked up this book! Guaranteed.

[TΞΞL❍CK Mith!lesh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Louden initially worked as a screenwriter. According to information makes Louden since her 12th year yoga and found so to relaxation methods. She studied "Ontological Coaching" at the Newfield Network and has worked as a coach since then. She wrote a column for Body & Soul magazine and had her own radio show at Martha Stewart's Sirrius Network. She wrote numerous wellness guides that have also been published in German since 2006. The books have been translated into 9 languages ​​and have reached a total circulation of almost 1 million.

[Cheri Honeycutt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reviewed in the United States on April 21, 2020
I have read everything that Jennifer Louden has written. She has been talking about showing up authentically to our lives, dipping into our creativity, and playing full tilt long before these were mainstream ideas. We need her voice, we need this book perhaps now more than ever. The question of “Why Bother?” is the very one we all need to be asking ourselves right now. Thank you Jennifer!

[Cherie Townsend · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book is like sitting down with a trusted friend and sharing both dark times and times when you just want more. And, then, when you are clearer about what's most important to you, that friend is there to guide you toward climbing out of the dark or uncertain times and caring enough to go after it! It's comfortable, encouraging, challenging, non-judgmental, caring and fun! It is wonderful to read alone or in a group. I highly recommend it!

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book after a long period of feeling stuck. And oh, what a relief and support! Reading this book is like sitting down with that one friend who totally gets you and can talk you through where you are and the possibilities ahead. Jen does this with such skill and care that I finished the book feeling more connected to myself and the things I bother about than I had in a long time. Can’t recommend it highly enough!

[Carole Downing · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading Jen's book is like having your favorite mentor come to your living room for tea. She acknowledges what's hard but knows deep down that you've got this. She not only writes deeply into why we should bother but lovingly shares how. A brilliant book!