Healthy Me, Healthy Us: Your Relationships Are Only as Strong as You Are

by Les and Leslie Parrott

#1 New York Times bestselling authors and renowned psychologists Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott share the single most important secret to happy relationships.

Relationships are rife with disappointment--but they are also the primary source of personal happiness. So it is no surprise that the number one question Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott hear over and over is, What's the single most important thing you can do for your relationships?

After over twenty-five years of researching, writing, and speaking on this subject, in Healthy Me, Healthy Us the Parrotts have whittled down their answer to the truth contained in this single if you try to build intimacy with another person before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself.  

Relationship skills, tips, and tactics? Sure. They have their place. But meaningful relationships--the kind we all long for--grow from something deeper, something stronger, something that has more to do with being than doing.

This groundbreaking book provides the three hallmarks to psychological, emotional, and spiritual health, pointing the way to true and lasting wholeness that can revolutionize every relationship you attempt to build.

Genres: Relationships, Marriage, Self Help, Nonfiction, Christian, Christian Living, Personal Development

221 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 5, 2020

Reviews

[Lori Jorgensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

To have healthy relationships you first have to be healthy. Look to yourself and grow yourself. Self talk, personality, character, empathy, forgiveness all of has to line up into you getting yourself mature and healthy in order for a healthy us !!! This is a great book for anyone single or married.

[Ella Williams · Rating 3 out of 5]

for class📚📚

[Kaelyn Shaul · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this one but I don’t feel like I was comprehending anything being said. Really just felt like I was reading words on a page and not retaining any info. Could be a me issue tho idk

[Zi How · Rating 1 out of 5]

Uninsightful and rife with biblical citations

[Amy Bell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book looks more at the emotional, psychological side, mental side than I was thinking when I picked this up. I do agree that you have to be mentally healthy to have a healthy relationship with a partner. If you are struggling with that side of your relationship this is a great book for you. The authors cover lots of topics that can get between you and your significant other and how to do the hard work to get to a better place mentally and emotionally.

Thank you NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book for my honest opinion.

[Marvy Herrera · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an ARC from Nelson Books, via NetGalley. This review is my personal opinion.


What a great and necessary book, I must-read for everyone who wants to be healthy and have healthy relationships. This book has three parts well structure and with easy and uncomplicated information to be put into practice.

Part 1 Profound Significance
For me, one of the most important messages was: “Healthy people plant their feet on a deep and confident sense of worth that is built by God’s love”. The importance of learning and identify my inner self-talk and how many toxic situations begin with ourselves.

Part 2 Unswerving Authencity
This was my favorite part of the book, about how important is to be vulnerable, to be authentic, to acknowledge our weakness, to be who we are. To open our eyes to our flaws and let people be healthy and strong relationships.

Part 3 Self-giving love
This part was an answer to several questions I had for several years now, about social interactions. Here I learn about social barometer and how is important to pay close attention to my own physiological experience to improve relational connection, which what I know I am not alone on this we want we others but don’t know how or where should we start. Not like a magical formula, but with easy and practical advice, the importance of being empathic and how that impacts our way to perceive others and on me.

Dr. Les and Leslie Parrot did a wonderful job while balancing a good solid biblical background with interesting information they have gathered in their more than twenty years of experience. This is not a book for reading fast, but one that you need to take time to digest, slow down, examine and take action, and put in practice the advice we find here. In my case, this book has opened my eyes to much powerful truth. My favorite quote and finally the reason that summarize why you should read this book is “ If you try to build intimacy with another before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself”.

Truly grateful for the ARC of this book, it was the answer to a prayer.

[Kristina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first heard Drs. Les and Leslie speak on an XO Marriage live stream event and was impressed with their ability to seamlessly blend psychology with Christian marriage principles. The book in particular focuses on self growth to strengthen our relationships with each other. There is emphasis on growing in identity with God and understanding that He had plans for each of us and that He has made all of us for a specific purpose. The authors then spend a large portion of the book discussing empathy and obtaining a knowledge of yourself prior to being able to fully devote to another person in a relationship. I found this section to be very helpful in recognizing detrimental patterns within myself and will be putting their advice into practice. My one critique is that I wish this book delved even further into the topics presented and that it had focused more on external relationships toward the end of the book. Overall, I'll be continuing to follow these authors in the future.

I received an advanced reader copy of this ebook from the publisher and Netgalley for review, all opinions are my own.

[Craig Pagens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Les and Leslie's work has been a significant voice in my marriage and in my life. They are thoughtful, informed, and engaging writers; Healthy Me, Health Us was helpful and engaging. The golden nugget at the centre of the book is that our relationships are impacted by our personal health defined by significance, authenticity (living in congruence with your significance), and self-giving love. Les and Leslie understand that our significance is something that is given to us by God. Experiencing the love of God (not just knowing) leads to a recognition of our own worth and significance. From this truth we can begin to live with authenticity (living focused on truth and in congruence with our loves and passions rather than out of a need to please others). They helpfully also write about the importance of self-giving love in becoming personally, spiritually, and emotionally healthy.
I deeply enjoyed and recommend this book.

[Rondey Allen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Once again, wonderful Biblical and practical wisdom

I am a fan of these two. I am a counselor and executive director of a counseling practice. I a SYMBIS facilitator and got about 10 of my counselors to do it as well. I teach the SYMBIS class to engaged couples and the participants love it. Reading this book as well as “Love Like That “and “Crazy Good Sex” have helped me to be better husband, dad, and follower of Jesus. You two are a gift to the Kingdom and great role models. Thank you for your work.

[Alpha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I initially thought this was going to be just another pseudo-intellectual tripe. But the title intrigued me and the book was relative short. I was very surprised the volume of Christian verses and analogies without reaching for relevancy or humanistic theology. Good read and full of helpful insights!

[Lauren Reeder · Rating 4 out of 5]

We read this book for small married and engaged women’s small group! While it wasn’t what we expected, I think it could be helpful for anyone out there. You can’t have a healthy relationship (with your spouse, friends, parents, etc.) without first becoming healthy yourself. I think the authors had some great points to keep in mind while you’re building and growing relationships.

[Lisa Duran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing

I'm not an avid reader but this book It keep me interested. It was written beautifully and I absolutely loved reading it on the Kindle so I can go back and look at my highlighted notes. This is a must read!

[Dee Douce · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! There were some days where I forced myself to pick it up again but truly once I got back into it, I was intrigued and excited to read another page and then another and so on. I would read it again

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book to be re-read, filled with suggestions and examples on how to be healthier and have a healthier marriage.

[Tuesdayschild · Rating 4 out of 5]

RTC

[Eric · Rating 2 out of 5]

it was a decent read, nothing life-changing.

[KB · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.75 ~ solid read with good information

[Tricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book. Gave me lots to think about and discuss with those close to me.

[Georgia]

read for a class

[Juliana Hutchens · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! So insightful and full of God’s truth! I really loved it, and will definitely be buying it for family and friends!

[Alicia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good information, talked a lot about God. Which would have been okay because everyone has their different opinion of God but they also mentioned Jesus and read from the Bible.

[Frances · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok but why do I did all of this? Lol just kidding. Good book.

[Megan Baisden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the underlying messages but skipped through the God talk. I wish it were a little less about that and more about the inner self.

[Manny Saavedra · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great intro into the world of therapy. Definitely gave me the tools and language I needed to conquer some hard conflicts within myself and my relationship.

[Lillian Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so incredibly lovely and eye-opening. I originally purchased this book for a class at school, and I remember thinking it was a great book, but I just didn’t have the time on my hands to really dive into it the way that I wanted to, so I always knew that I wanted to come back to it. This book found me again at a time that I really needed it, it is a great book to journal to and it really helps you discover a lot about yourself and the journey to becoming whole before you can allow other relationships in. I would recommend this book to anyone.

[Martha.O.S · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a well-written book about the importance of being healthy yourself first before expecting a healthy relationship. Without feeling healthy and whole, something in you will always be looking to be filled by whomever you are in relationship with: partner, friends, family members, colleagues… While the content is pretty common sense, I thought it was well-structured, clear and to the point.

The writers, themselves a couple, break it down into three main sections: 1) profound significance, 2) unswerving authenticity and 3) self-giving love and in a very simple sense, showed how we need deep roots that we consistently tend, in order to look beyond ourselves and have something meaningful to give in our relationships. There were examples given in each of the sections but I found the best examples were those from the authors’ own experience, which they shared openly.

Overall this book does what it sets out to do. It was clear and useful. All of the ideas were pretty common sense, and while there was nothing ground-breaking in this book, sometimes in this busy world, we can forget these basic things, so it’s good to get a reminder!