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The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be
This reassuring month-by-month overview gives you the facts and advice you need to understand your baby’s development, support your partner, and prepare for the joys and challenges of fatherhood. It concludes with two special sections: one on labor and delivery, and the other covering the first few months after your baby’s arrival.
The fifth edition of this New York Times best seller is updated from cover to cover with the latest information about fertility, prenatal care, and delivery; work-life balance (including the lessons learned from COVID-19); financial planning; and much more. It incorporates the expertise of leading OB-GYNs and researchers, and the real-life experiences of hundreds of dads and moms.
Illustrated throughout with stress-relieving cartoons, The Expectant Father is a friendly, readable, and inclusive companion for all dads-to-be. (Moms will love it, too!)
The fifth edition of this New York Times best seller is updated from cover to cover with the latest information about fertility, prenatal care, and delivery; work-life balance (including the lessons learned from COVID-19); financial planning; and much more. It incorporates the expertise of leading OB-GYNs and researchers, and the real-life experiences of hundreds of dads and moms.
Illustrated throughout with stress-relieving cartoons, The Expectant Father is a friendly, readable, and inclusive companion for all dads-to-be. (Moms will love it, too!)
336 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1995
2132 people are currently reading
1975 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 577 reviews
April 4, 2019
So we've got a baby due in the heat of summer. I was planning on winging it, reasoning that people have been having babies for decades now without reading a book first, but my wife handed me this and I knew better than to argue.
The Expect Father is written with the dad in mind, obviously. It's laid out month by month, noting what the baby is experiencing, what the mother is experiencing, and what the father should probably be thinking, feeling, and doing.
Brott dispenses some good advice and also brings up things I wouldn't have considered. He also jabbed me in the chest and reminded me how much stuff my wife and I still have to buy before Miles arrives. Fingers crossed for that 7/31 delivery date!
There is a lot of useful information here but also a lot of crazy shit people don't normally talk about, like some babies being born hairy and sparks shooting out of diapers because of static electricity, which is the stuff I mentioned every time my wife asked me how my reading was going.
I feel a little more prepared in having read this, which I'm sure will evaporate once the baby makes landfall. 4 out of 5 stars.
The Expect Father is written with the dad in mind, obviously. It's laid out month by month, noting what the baby is experiencing, what the mother is experiencing, and what the father should probably be thinking, feeling, and doing.
Brott dispenses some good advice and also brings up things I wouldn't have considered. He also jabbed me in the chest and reminded me how much stuff my wife and I still have to buy before Miles arrives. Fingers crossed for that 7/31 delivery date!
There is a lot of useful information here but also a lot of crazy shit people don't normally talk about, like some babies being born hairy and sparks shooting out of diapers because of static electricity, which is the stuff I mentioned every time my wife asked me how my reading was going.
I feel a little more prepared in having read this, which I'm sure will evaporate once the baby makes landfall. 4 out of 5 stars.
June 8, 2017
I bought this book for my husband to read as we're expecting our first baby. We both read it. I found it generic, he found it insulting and humorous.
Here are some of his favorite tips for dads:
--If you need a break because you're overwhelmed by your wife's pregnancy and emotional state, take a break from her. Go to the beach. Take a vacation on your own. (This will probably become one of the many in-jokes in our pregnancy.)
--You're a hero if you go to the doctor's appointments with her. (When we went to our first appointment, every pregnant woman had their SO with them.)
--Your pain can be just as difficult as hers, because you can experience the same difficulties as she due to empathy. (More belly laughs from him about this one, especially after I throw up!)
Frankly, my husband found the book insulting. He's very clever, and he's a feminist. He doesn't need platitudes and the casual sexism that says 'you're a male hero for doing the things that you should be doing.' When I asked for his review, he merely said "terrible."
I also read this book, and found the information to be pretty generic, and easily found online. I agree that it'd be nice if there were a book for dads, but it needs to be researched and informed and to treat parents with respect.
Another pregnancy book without sources, by the way.
Here are some of his favorite tips for dads:
--If you need a break because you're overwhelmed by your wife's pregnancy and emotional state, take a break from her. Go to the beach. Take a vacation on your own. (This will probably become one of the many in-jokes in our pregnancy.)
--You're a hero if you go to the doctor's appointments with her. (When we went to our first appointment, every pregnant woman had their SO with them.)
--Your pain can be just as difficult as hers, because you can experience the same difficulties as she due to empathy. (More belly laughs from him about this one, especially after I throw up!)
Frankly, my husband found the book insulting. He's very clever, and he's a feminist. He doesn't need platitudes and the casual sexism that says 'you're a male hero for doing the things that you should be doing.' When I asked for his review, he merely said "terrible."
I also read this book, and found the information to be pretty generic, and easily found online. I agree that it'd be nice if there were a book for dads, but it needs to be researched and informed and to treat parents with respect.
Another pregnancy book without sources, by the way.
January 13, 2009
Kind of a lot of extraneous information gets in the way of what should be a much shorter book. This book insulted my intelligence. I guess this wasn't really what I was looking for. It's too broad to be of any real use to me. I much prefer brief, no-bullshit specific advice on things that are not subjective. This just came across as a really well-meaning collection of good things which don't really match up with each other. Who wants to sift through that? Especially new fathers or fathers to be. Boo, hiss.
June 26, 2024
Note before this review gets started: the author of this book is Armin A. Brott, less so Jennifer Ash (now Jennifer Ash Rudick). The primary voice taken up in the book is Brott's. I'm not really sure what Ash Rudick's contribution is.
Overall, this book is moderately informative, but generally didn't contain any revelatory information. There were also some points where Brott's advice ran contrary to the guidance of my local hospital—perhaps a regional difference, or perhaps Brott's book is having a hard time keeping up to date. Even though this book is in its 5th edition and was updated within the past two years, it was first published some 25 years ago and in many ways feels even older. Which brings me to my two complaints.
First, I found the heteronormative assumptions in this book to be overbearing and distracting, if not outright irritating. Brott does a half-assed job deconstructing some of the cultural gender roles related to pregnancy and parenthood: he acknowledges that women often have jobs these days, and is a vocal advocate for fathers sharing ALL parental responsibilities, even the ones that are traditionally "maternal" (like scheduling playdates, etc). This would be a progressive stance if we were still in the '90s, but this is 2022 now. The underpinning of this book is still strongly heteronormative. If you're anything other than a cis/het expectant parent, and a reasonably affluent one at that, then this book is not for you.
Despite Brott's vocal claims to level the playing field between mothers and fathers, I was amazed at the number of gendered cliches that make it into this book. On the one hand we have the Domestic/Needy Mother. Brott consistently depicts women as domestic homebodies who are prone to emotional instability and plagued by persistent neediness. Don't worry though: the Domestic/Needy Mother can always be placated with flowers, chocolates, or an indulgent massage. (Can you hear my eyes rolling?)
On the other hand we have the Providing/Strong Father, portrayed by Brott as the emotional leader of the couple (remember that Domestic/Needy Mothers are emotionally unstable) and also the designated protector and financial steward of the family, if not the actual breadwinner. The Providing/Strong Father is presumed to be fluent in athletic lingo but likely has never operated a dishwasher or laundry machine in his life, those things being much below him. Anyway, enough of my griping. My point is that I found these consistent cliches to really detract from what beneficial information the book had to offer.
My second gripe (yes, all of the above was only Complaint #1) is the consistent whininess of Brott's writing. The whole thing has a pervading message that comes across as, "Woe is me, men are so excluded from the pregnancy/birth/parenting process. Men, take back your rights!" He consistently insists that fathers are "hurt" by the simplest things, like when nurses don't pay attention to them in the delivery room, or when their newborns express a preference for mother's breast over father's embrace. Granted, I agree that non-pregnant partners should be acknowledged by medical staff and brought into the conversation, but Brott often went so far as to feel ranty and just plain peevish.
Overall, I'm not really glad I read this book. While Brott doesn't explicitly champion himself as the anti-woke hero of masculine parenting, there are enough hints to see that this is his leaning. No doubt other fathers (probably with white skin and red polos, like the one on the book cover) actually do champion Brott as such a hero. Pardon my French, but fuck that. I think I would have been better off reading the traditional "What to Expect when You're Expecting" instead, even though it's not written "for" me. After all, if I'm as “secure in my masculinity” as Brott suggests I should be, then why the hell do I need to read a pregnancy book specifically addressed to men? I'm perfectly content to read the more authoritative volume, even though it's intended "for women."
I shall now read Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Childbirth" as a palate cleanser.
Overall, this book is moderately informative, but generally didn't contain any revelatory information. There were also some points where Brott's advice ran contrary to the guidance of my local hospital—perhaps a regional difference, or perhaps Brott's book is having a hard time keeping up to date. Even though this book is in its 5th edition and was updated within the past two years, it was first published some 25 years ago and in many ways feels even older. Which brings me to my two complaints.
First, I found the heteronormative assumptions in this book to be overbearing and distracting, if not outright irritating. Brott does a half-assed job deconstructing some of the cultural gender roles related to pregnancy and parenthood: he acknowledges that women often have jobs these days, and is a vocal advocate for fathers sharing ALL parental responsibilities, even the ones that are traditionally "maternal" (like scheduling playdates, etc). This would be a progressive stance if we were still in the '90s, but this is 2022 now. The underpinning of this book is still strongly heteronormative. If you're anything other than a cis/het expectant parent, and a reasonably affluent one at that, then this book is not for you.
Despite Brott's vocal claims to level the playing field between mothers and fathers, I was amazed at the number of gendered cliches that make it into this book. On the one hand we have the Domestic/Needy Mother. Brott consistently depicts women as domestic homebodies who are prone to emotional instability and plagued by persistent neediness. Don't worry though: the Domestic/Needy Mother can always be placated with flowers, chocolates, or an indulgent massage. (Can you hear my eyes rolling?)
On the other hand we have the Providing/Strong Father, portrayed by Brott as the emotional leader of the couple (remember that Domestic/Needy Mothers are emotionally unstable) and also the designated protector and financial steward of the family, if not the actual breadwinner. The Providing/Strong Father is presumed to be fluent in athletic lingo but likely has never operated a dishwasher or laundry machine in his life, those things being much below him. Anyway, enough of my griping. My point is that I found these consistent cliches to really detract from what beneficial information the book had to offer.
My second gripe (yes, all of the above was only Complaint #1) is the consistent whininess of Brott's writing. The whole thing has a pervading message that comes across as, "Woe is me, men are so excluded from the pregnancy/birth/parenting process. Men, take back your rights!" He consistently insists that fathers are "hurt" by the simplest things, like when nurses don't pay attention to them in the delivery room, or when their newborns express a preference for mother's breast over father's embrace. Granted, I agree that non-pregnant partners should be acknowledged by medical staff and brought into the conversation, but Brott often went so far as to feel ranty and just plain peevish.
Overall, I'm not really glad I read this book. While Brott doesn't explicitly champion himself as the anti-woke hero of masculine parenting, there are enough hints to see that this is his leaning. No doubt other fathers (probably with white skin and red polos, like the one on the book cover) actually do champion Brott as such a hero. Pardon my French, but fuck that. I think I would have been better off reading the traditional "What to Expect when You're Expecting" instead, even though it's not written "for" me. After all, if I'm as “secure in my masculinity” as Brott suggests I should be, then why the hell do I need to read a pregnancy book specifically addressed to men? I'm perfectly content to read the more authoritative volume, even though it's intended "for women."
I shall now read Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Childbirth" as a palate cleanser.
November 3, 2013
So, it’s the big day. My wife and I are going to the hospital to be admitted, and in a few short hours (hopefully) we will be delivering a healthy baby girl into the world, and I have to say that I’m much less nervous than I would have been had I not read Armin A. Brott and Jennifer Ash’s excellent daddy-to-be prep guidebook “The Expectant Father”.
I’m still nervous, of course, but many of my fears and confusions have been allayed somewhat by the thorough and straightforward research done by Brott and Ash. Brott is, according to his bio, a “nationally recognized parenting expert”. He also has a nationally syndicated newspaper column called “Ask Mr. Dad” and is the host of a weekly talk show about parenting.
For all I know or care, Brott could really be a WWE wrestler and a part-time janitor, but his book comes across like it’s written by a guy who definitely knows a thing or two about parenting from the father’s perspective.
To hear stories from my father’s generation, books like this---targeted towards dads BY dads---were practically unheard of. Most dads of my parents’ generation never had the pleasure of being in the same room with their wives as she gave birth, let alone caring whether he knew how to hold the baby or change their diapers. Times have changed, and I happen to think it’s for the better.
I think it’s vitally important that fathers have more of a say and a role in their child’s upbringing. I also think it’s annoying how TV and movies and the media in general have portrayed most fathers as dim-witted, lazy, or altogether absent in the lives of their own children. Societal views of fathers are generally pretty negative, and perhaps there is some justification, but there is a growing number of men like myself who actually WANT to play as important a role, if not moreso, than the mother’s.
Kudos to Brott for writing a book that doesn’t second-guess whether the new father reading his book is reading it because he WANTS to and not because his wife made him read it. Indeed, Brott assumes that the father has as many, if not more, worries and questions (and duties) than the expectant mother. Pregnancy is just as rough (mentally and spiritually, at least) on the daddy-to-be. Physically, too, if one counts the many couvade symptoms (sympathy pains) that a father can succumb to... and I did.
The nice thing about Brott’s book is that it is less daunting than the Bible of Pregnancy/Childcare, “Know What to Expect When You’re Expecting”.
I’ll be honest, I barely skimmed that enormous tome with its double columned pages and small font and endless FAQs that really just succeeded in making me worry about shit that I probably won’t ever have to worry about.
Brott’s book is written for the average guy. Each major chapter deals with one month of the pregnancy, and within each chapter are short to-the-point sections about anything and everything that you, your wife, and the baby is going through via bullet points, lists, and definitions of terms that you’ll definitely be hearing a lot. (I now know everything there is to know about episiotomies, Braxton-Hicks, colostrum, dilation, and the cervix, so thank you for that, Mr. Brott.) There’s also a nice selection of illustrations, charts, and appropriate cartoons. Every expectant father needs some comic relief, too.
Clearly, much research (above Brott’s own personal experiences as a father) went into this book, as evident in the lengthy Appendices, 15-page bibliography, six pages of online resources, and Index at the end of the book.
Most importantly, Brott never talks down to the expectant father. He’s been there himself, so he knows what it’s like to see weird glances from people (mostly women) who may be unaccustomed to (or indoctrinated by society to think it’s unusual or disturbing) seeing fathers pushing carriages or changing diapers or playing with their kids at playgrounds. Brott has written an intelligent, serious, and immensely readable resource for new fathers.
I highly recommend this book for any new dad.
I’m still nervous, of course, but many of my fears and confusions have been allayed somewhat by the thorough and straightforward research done by Brott and Ash. Brott is, according to his bio, a “nationally recognized parenting expert”. He also has a nationally syndicated newspaper column called “Ask Mr. Dad” and is the host of a weekly talk show about parenting.
For all I know or care, Brott could really be a WWE wrestler and a part-time janitor, but his book comes across like it’s written by a guy who definitely knows a thing or two about parenting from the father’s perspective.
To hear stories from my father’s generation, books like this---targeted towards dads BY dads---were practically unheard of. Most dads of my parents’ generation never had the pleasure of being in the same room with their wives as she gave birth, let alone caring whether he knew how to hold the baby or change their diapers. Times have changed, and I happen to think it’s for the better.
I think it’s vitally important that fathers have more of a say and a role in their child’s upbringing. I also think it’s annoying how TV and movies and the media in general have portrayed most fathers as dim-witted, lazy, or altogether absent in the lives of their own children. Societal views of fathers are generally pretty negative, and perhaps there is some justification, but there is a growing number of men like myself who actually WANT to play as important a role, if not moreso, than the mother’s.
Kudos to Brott for writing a book that doesn’t second-guess whether the new father reading his book is reading it because he WANTS to and not because his wife made him read it. Indeed, Brott assumes that the father has as many, if not more, worries and questions (and duties) than the expectant mother. Pregnancy is just as rough (mentally and spiritually, at least) on the daddy-to-be. Physically, too, if one counts the many couvade symptoms (sympathy pains) that a father can succumb to... and I did.
The nice thing about Brott’s book is that it is less daunting than the Bible of Pregnancy/Childcare, “Know What to Expect When You’re Expecting”.
I’ll be honest, I barely skimmed that enormous tome with its double columned pages and small font and endless FAQs that really just succeeded in making me worry about shit that I probably won’t ever have to worry about.
Brott’s book is written for the average guy. Each major chapter deals with one month of the pregnancy, and within each chapter are short to-the-point sections about anything and everything that you, your wife, and the baby is going through via bullet points, lists, and definitions of terms that you’ll definitely be hearing a lot. (I now know everything there is to know about episiotomies, Braxton-Hicks, colostrum, dilation, and the cervix, so thank you for that, Mr. Brott.) There’s also a nice selection of illustrations, charts, and appropriate cartoons. Every expectant father needs some comic relief, too.
Clearly, much research (above Brott’s own personal experiences as a father) went into this book, as evident in the lengthy Appendices, 15-page bibliography, six pages of online resources, and Index at the end of the book.
Most importantly, Brott never talks down to the expectant father. He’s been there himself, so he knows what it’s like to see weird glances from people (mostly women) who may be unaccustomed to (or indoctrinated by society to think it’s unusual or disturbing) seeing fathers pushing carriages or changing diapers or playing with their kids at playgrounds. Brott has written an intelligent, serious, and immensely readable resource for new fathers.
I highly recommend this book for any new dad.
December 23, 2022
Wouldn't treat it as the go to book for pregnancy knowledge. A lot of gaps, which Mayo Clinic Guide supplements, but I found some good advice, and actionable checklists!
- Look for double billings, services you never received (say, a private room when you were actually in a shared one, or brand-name drugs when you really got generics), and any kind of suspicious jargon.
- compared to couch-potato expectant moms, pregnant women who did twenty minutes of moderate exercise (leading to slight shortness of breath by the end) three times per week had babies with “more mature cerebral activation.” Translation: their brains developed more quickly.
- Eat a rainbow. Well, not really. But your partner (and you, for that matter) should try to eat fruits and vegetables in as wide a variety of colors as you can.
- Overall, your partner should have a total of at least seven servings a day of fruits and vegetables.
- Being supportive means that you should try to eat as healthily as she does. If you absolutely must have a banana split with a side of fried doughnuts and you’re not planning to share, do it on your own time (and don’t brag about it).
- when babies start eating real food (at around six months after birth), they prefer foods that their mother ate while pregnant.
- Let the baby “cry it out.” Sort of. If the crying goes on for more than twenty minutes or so, try putting the baby down in the crib and letting him or her cry. If the screaming doesn’t stop after five or ten minutes, pick the baby up and try a different approach from the section above for another five or ten minutes or so. Repeat as necessary. Note: don’t let your baby cry it out until you’ve tried everything else. Ordinarily, you should respond promptly and lovingly to your baby’s cries. Several studies show that babies who are responded to this way learn that someone will be there to help them if they need it. This ultimately makes them cry less and helps them grow up more confidently.
- Breast milk provides exactly the right balance of nutrients needed by your newborn. In addition, breast milk contains several essential fatty acids that are not found in baby formula.
■ Breast milk adapts, as if by magic, to your baby’s changing nutritional needs. None of my children had a single sip of anything but breast milk for the first six or seven months of life, and they’re all incredibly healthy kids.
■ Breastfeeding greatly reduces the chance that your baby will develop food allergies. If your family (or your partner’s) has a history of food allergies, your pediatrician may advise you to withhold solid foods for a few more months.
■ Breastfed babies are less likely to become obese as adults than formula-fed babies. This may be because with the breast, it’s the baby—not the parent—who decides when to quit eating.
■ Breastfed babies are generally healthier and have a lower risk of developing asthma, stomach problems, diabetes, cavities, pneumonia, ear and respiratory-tract infections, childhood leukemia, and SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).
■ Breastfeeding is thought to transmit to the infant the mother’s immunity to certain diseases. This is especially important for the first few months, until the baby’s immune system matures.
■ Breastfed babies may have higher IQs than their non-breastfed buddies.
Ways to Show Her You Care:
■ Offer to give her back rubs and foot massages.
■ Get her a gift certificate for a real, professional massage.
■ Suggest activities that might be harder to do when the baby comes, like hiking or going to movies or concerts.
■ Bring home roses for no reason at all.
■ Write a bunch of little love notes and hide them in her purse or around the house so she can find them.
■ Vacuum the house—even under the bed—without being asked.
■ Give your wife lots of hugs. Research shows that the more she’s hugged, the more she’ll hug the baby after he comes.
■ Go to the store and buy her a package of the most girly, moisturizing bubble bath you can find.
■ If you’re traveling on business, arrange to have a friend take her to dinner. ■ Kiss her. Hard and long. Then do it again.
■ Read to the baby (see pages 113, 116–22 for more on this).
■ Offer to pick up a pizza on your way home from work—and surprise her with a pint of her favorite frozen yogurt too. Two pints, if you’re planning on having any.
■ Buy her a maternity pillow.
■ Run errands (pick up dry cleaning, shop, go to the drugstore, and so forth). Better yet, do them before she asks you to.
■ Treat her to a manicure or pedicure.
■ Dry her tears when she has an unexplained meltdown.
■ Do a little house cleaning. If you don’t have time, hire a housekeeper.
■ Do the laundry before it piles up. Then fold it and put it away.
■ Tell her you think she’s going to be a great mother.
■ Apologize for something—even if you didn’t do anything wrong.
■ Frame your first ultrasound pic of the baby. If you’ve made the pregnancy public, maybe post it on Instagram.
■ Hold her hand while you’re out walking.
■ If she arrives home after you, have a candlelight dinner on the table, complete with sparkling cider.
■ Listen attentively when she wants to tell you about what a miserable day she had—even if yours was worse.
■ Hand over the TV remote and watch what she wants.
■ Load and unload the dishwasher.
■ Write her a love letter and send it to her in the mail.
■ Plan a romantic, predelivery babymoon weekend (together, of course). This could be the last time for quite a while.
■ Buy a toy or outfit for the baby, have it gift-wrapped, and let her unwrap it.
■ Thank her for making you the happiest guy in the world.
■ Indulge her cravings.
■ Buy her a pretty maternity dress. Don’t even think about the words circus tent.
■ Go on a long walk with her.
■ Slow dance in your living room.
■ Arrange for some of her girlfriends to pick her up and take her out for an evening
■ Plan a baby-naming ceremony.
■ Start putting together a list of all the local take-out restaurants.
■ Learn baby CPR.
■ Steam a chick flick, make some popcorn, and curl up to watch together.
■ Tell her she's beautiful.
■ Pay extra attention to making sure she has enough to eat - pack some snacks for her before the two of you go out for an evening for a hike
■ Write a letter to your unborn baby
■ Setup interview with potential childcare people.
■ Buy her a Mother's Day or Valentine's Day gift - even if it's November
■ Keep a journal (either written or recorded) of what you're thinking and feeling during the pregnancy.
■ Do something with her that she know you absolutely hate
■ Discuss your fears with your partner. Listen to hers, too, but don't make fun of them - no matter how insignificant they may seem to you.
■ Tell her about some of the cool things you read about pregnancy
■ Don't complain about any physical pain you're having while she's still pregnany.
■ Tell her she's sexy
■ Clean out closets to make room for baby things
■ Load her fav music for labor room
Birth plan checklist:
■ EMERGENCIES. Do you want the doctors or midwives to handle things on their own or would you prefer to have them explain what’s going on? If your partner is unconscious or unable to make a decision, should the practitioners get your permission before doing anything out of the ordinary?
■ PAIN MEDICATION. Do you want the hospital staff to offer it if they feel your partner could use some? Or do you want them to wait for her to ask for it?
■ STAYING TOGETHER. Do you and your partner want to remain together for the entire labor and delivery?
■ FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT. Will your partner be able to labor in the hallways (or in the shower), and in whatever position she’d like? There’s no reason to spend the whole time in bed. In fact, walking around as much as possible yields better results.
■ LABOR. If labor slows down, does she want to be offered oxytocin or other drugs to speed it up?
■ PICTURES AND VIDEOS. Do you want to take them? Do you want someone else to? Do you want to be able to take them even if there’s a C-section?
■ FETAL MONITORING. Does your partner want the baby’s heart rate monitored by machines throughout her labor, or would she prefer that monitoring be done only when necessary?
■ WATER BREAKING. Your baby has been swimming around in a sac filled with amniotic fluid. Before the baby can be born, that sac has to rupture. Ideally, that will happen on its own and, depending on the position of the baby, the fluid will gush or dribble out. Sometimes, though, the rupture may need to be induced manually.
■ THE BIRTH. Do you want the doctors to try forceps or suction to speed up the delivery, or do you want to hold out for a while longer? Do you want any other people (friends, relatives, midwife, other children) to attend the birth? Will a mirror be available (so your partner can get a better view of the delivery)?
■ EPISIOTOMY. If your partner’s vagina won’t stretch enough to allow the baby’s head through, the doctor may suggest making a small cut in the perineum—the space between the vagina and the anus. Some doctors do episiotomies as a preventative measure; others don’t do them unless absolutely necessary. Some people believe that a small but natural tear in the vagina is better than a surgical cut. Others say that the cut helps control the tearing. Either way, your partner should learn as much as she can about episiotomies and think about whether—barring emergencies, of course—she would want one, and if so, whether she would want it done with or without anesthesia.
■ CESAREAN SECTION. In case of a C-section, can you stay with your partner, or will you have to be separated? Will you be separated only for the spinal or epidural anesthesia, or for the entire procedure? Where will you be allowed to stand?
■ THE BABY. Who will cut the cord, and when? Do you want the hospital staff to take the baby away for cleaning and testing right after birth, or would you like him or her handed to you and/or your partner first?
■ AFTER THE BIRTH. Do you want the baby to breastfeed right away, or will you be bottle feeding? Do you want the baby with one of you all the time, or would you rather have him or her kept in the hospital's nursery? What about circumcision?
■ GOING HOME. Do you want to stay for as long as the hospital will let you, or do you want to go home as soon as possible?
Keep the following guidelines in mind for birth plan:
■ In the first paragraph, indicate your flexibility should an emergency arise.
■ Try not to make it sound like a legal document. That’s a great way to make a doctor or other health-care provider very nervous and defensive. Your practitioner will not be comfortable if she feels her hands will be tied in the case of an emergency.
■ Try to word your desires in a positive way. Avoid beginning every statement with “No” or “Do not.”
■ Refrain from including things in your plan that are not part of your birth site’s normal procedures.
■ Be sure to thank everyone for their respect and support.
■ After you and your partner have hammered out a draft of your birth plan, show it to your doctor. Let him or her go over it and make suggestions.
■ Remember that a birth plan is not a contract. It’s a way for you to communicate your preferences to your partner’s practitioners.
Packing Your Bags FOR HER:
■ A favorite picture and/or anything else she might need or want to help her through labor and the birth.
■ A battery-operated CD or MP3 player and some favorite music to help you both relax during labor. I know this sounds so twentieth century, but some hospitals may not allow you to plug anything, including phone chargers, into their outlets.
■ A bathrobe, a nightgown, or even one of your old T-shirts that she won’t mind getting a little blood on. Or a lot.
■ A large sports bottle (you know, the kind with the built-in straw) for sipping clear liquids. ■ Warm, nonskid socks and/or old slippers (hospital floors can be slippery). Again, ones she won’t mind getting bloody.
■ A change of clothes to go home in—not what she was wearing before she got pregnant. Sweats or maternity pants are particularly good.
■ A nursing bra.
■ Her toiletries bag. Don’t forget things like mouthwash, toothbrush and toothpaste, glasses, contact lens paraphernalia, hairbrush or comb, and a headband or ponytail holder or two.
■ Leave the jewelry at home.
Packing bags FOR YOU:
■ Comfy clothes
■ Tablet
■ swimsuit - in case you want to get into the shower with her in front of nursing staff
■ phone/camera
■ snacks (for you, not for partner who shouldn't be eating while in labor)
■ chargers for phones/tablet
■ massager
■ toothbrush, extra underwear, shaving kit, etc.
Packing bags FOR THE BABY:
■ car seat
■ outfit to go home in - a sleeper or sleep sac is fine, just as long as it has legs so the car seat's harness can go between them
■ diapers
■ several receiving blankets, weather appropriate
■ warm blankets for the ride home
Essentials to Have Waiting at Home
FOR THE BABY
Note: You’ll have to increase the quantities somewhat if you have twins or more.
■ Enough diapers to last for at least a week (you’re not going to want to go shopping). Just so you know, your newborn will go through about a dozen every day. Do the math. If you’re buying disposables, don’t go out and buy a truckload of the infant size. Babies tend to bulk up pretty quickly, and you might be on to the next size before you go through all the smaller ones. If you know your baby will be big, you can skip the newborn size completely. If you’re going with a cloth diaper service, a week’s supply is typically eighty (for one baby).
■ Baby soap and shampoo.
■ Thermometer, preferably one that takes the temperature via the forehead or ear, or one that’s part of a pacifier. Preventing your baby from squirming for three minutes while trying to keep a thermometer in her mouth or bottom is going to be an unpleasant experience for everyone concerned. Those old glass-and-mercury thermometers can be dangerous, so if someone gave you one, dispose of it properly or donate it to a museum.
■ An ear bulb. These are usually used for rinsing adults’ ears, but for babies, they’re used for suctioning mucus from their noses. Well, what do you expect? They can’t do it themselves. ■ Nail scissors. Essential: a baby’s nails are like tiny razors and grow like Jack’s beanstalk.
■ A first aid kit. You can get one from your local drugstore or online for about $20. But just to be sure, ask your pediatrician what should be in it.
■ A diaper bag. It used to be that most diaper bags looked like oversized purses. They were pink or flowery and no self-respecting man would be caught dead with one. Fortunately, there are now quite a few more masculine options.
■ Cotton swabs and alcohol for umbilical cord dressing.
■ Some formula, just in case. But keep in mind that some breastfeeding experts think this is a bad idea, because it might be too big a temptation to give up breastfeeding.
■ Pacifiers.
■ Stroller.
■ Fitted crib sheets.
■ Bottles and a breast pump.
■ 5 or 6 onesies (those cute little one-piece suits).
■ 5 or 6 pairs of booties (those stretchy socks).
■ 3 or 4 undershirts.
■ 3 or 4 outfits with separate top and bottom (that way you can wash only the part that gets dirty). Try to get the kind that have snaps.
■ 3 or 4 nightgowns or sleep sacs.
■ 1 or 2 coveralls with snaps.
■ 4 or 5 baby blankets.
■ 1 or 2 hooded bath towels.
■ 1 or 2 sun or snow hats.
■ 1 or 2 sweaters.
■ Snowsuit (as needed).
■ 0 shoes (people who don’t walk shouldn’t wear shoes—it can hurt their feet). A word of advice: your baby will poop or vomit on his clothes every single day. More than once. So skip the silk T-shirts and the vicuña sweaters and stick with good-quality washable materials. And, as with diapers, don’t invest a huge amount on newborn-sized clothes. Your baby will grow out of them in no time.
FOR YOUR PARTNER
■ Nursing pads.
■ Maxi-pads (she may need these for weeks).
■ Any medication or dressing materials needed in the event of a C-section or episiotomy
■ Milk and vitamins, especially if she is nursing.
■ Flowers, and favorite chocolates or other foods she might have avoided during pregnancy.
■ A good book about your baby's first year of life: May Clinic guide?
■ A comfortable rocking chair or glider, for nursing
■ A breastfeeding pillow
- Look for double billings, services you never received (say, a private room when you were actually in a shared one, or brand-name drugs when you really got generics), and any kind of suspicious jargon.
- compared to couch-potato expectant moms, pregnant women who did twenty minutes of moderate exercise (leading to slight shortness of breath by the end) three times per week had babies with “more mature cerebral activation.” Translation: their brains developed more quickly.
- Eat a rainbow. Well, not really. But your partner (and you, for that matter) should try to eat fruits and vegetables in as wide a variety of colors as you can.
- Overall, your partner should have a total of at least seven servings a day of fruits and vegetables.
- Being supportive means that you should try to eat as healthily as she does. If you absolutely must have a banana split with a side of fried doughnuts and you’re not planning to share, do it on your own time (and don’t brag about it).
- when babies start eating real food (at around six months after birth), they prefer foods that their mother ate while pregnant.
- Let the baby “cry it out.” Sort of. If the crying goes on for more than twenty minutes or so, try putting the baby down in the crib and letting him or her cry. If the screaming doesn’t stop after five or ten minutes, pick the baby up and try a different approach from the section above for another five or ten minutes or so. Repeat as necessary. Note: don’t let your baby cry it out until you’ve tried everything else. Ordinarily, you should respond promptly and lovingly to your baby’s cries. Several studies show that babies who are responded to this way learn that someone will be there to help them if they need it. This ultimately makes them cry less and helps them grow up more confidently.
- Breast milk provides exactly the right balance of nutrients needed by your newborn. In addition, breast milk contains several essential fatty acids that are not found in baby formula.
■ Breast milk adapts, as if by magic, to your baby’s changing nutritional needs. None of my children had a single sip of anything but breast milk for the first six or seven months of life, and they’re all incredibly healthy kids.
■ Breastfeeding greatly reduces the chance that your baby will develop food allergies. If your family (or your partner’s) has a history of food allergies, your pediatrician may advise you to withhold solid foods for a few more months.
■ Breastfed babies are less likely to become obese as adults than formula-fed babies. This may be because with the breast, it’s the baby—not the parent—who decides when to quit eating.
■ Breastfed babies are generally healthier and have a lower risk of developing asthma, stomach problems, diabetes, cavities, pneumonia, ear and respiratory-tract infections, childhood leukemia, and SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).
■ Breastfeeding is thought to transmit to the infant the mother’s immunity to certain diseases. This is especially important for the first few months, until the baby’s immune system matures.
■ Breastfed babies may have higher IQs than their non-breastfed buddies.
Ways to Show Her You Care:
■ Offer to give her back rubs and foot massages.
■ Get her a gift certificate for a real, professional massage.
■ Suggest activities that might be harder to do when the baby comes, like hiking or going to movies or concerts.
■ Bring home roses for no reason at all.
■ Write a bunch of little love notes and hide them in her purse or around the house so she can find them.
■ Vacuum the house—even under the bed—without being asked.
■ Give your wife lots of hugs. Research shows that the more she’s hugged, the more she’ll hug the baby after he comes.
■ Go to the store and buy her a package of the most girly, moisturizing bubble bath you can find.
■ If you’re traveling on business, arrange to have a friend take her to dinner. ■ Kiss her. Hard and long. Then do it again.
■ Read to the baby (see pages 113, 116–22 for more on this).
■ Offer to pick up a pizza on your way home from work—and surprise her with a pint of her favorite frozen yogurt too. Two pints, if you’re planning on having any.
■ Buy her a maternity pillow.
■ Run errands (pick up dry cleaning, shop, go to the drugstore, and so forth). Better yet, do them before she asks you to.
■ Treat her to a manicure or pedicure.
■ Dry her tears when she has an unexplained meltdown.
■ Do a little house cleaning. If you don’t have time, hire a housekeeper.
■ Do the laundry before it piles up. Then fold it and put it away.
■ Tell her you think she’s going to be a great mother.
■ Apologize for something—even if you didn’t do anything wrong.
■ Frame your first ultrasound pic of the baby. If you’ve made the pregnancy public, maybe post it on Instagram.
■ Hold her hand while you’re out walking.
■ If she arrives home after you, have a candlelight dinner on the table, complete with sparkling cider.
■ Listen attentively when she wants to tell you about what a miserable day she had—even if yours was worse.
■ Hand over the TV remote and watch what she wants.
■ Load and unload the dishwasher.
■ Write her a love letter and send it to her in the mail.
■ Plan a romantic, predelivery babymoon weekend (together, of course). This could be the last time for quite a while.
■ Buy a toy or outfit for the baby, have it gift-wrapped, and let her unwrap it.
■ Thank her for making you the happiest guy in the world.
■ Indulge her cravings.
■ Buy her a pretty maternity dress. Don’t even think about the words circus tent.
■ Go on a long walk with her.
■ Slow dance in your living room.
■ Arrange for some of her girlfriends to pick her up and take her out for an evening
■ Plan a baby-naming ceremony.
■ Start putting together a list of all the local take-out restaurants.
■ Learn baby CPR.
■ Steam a chick flick, make some popcorn, and curl up to watch together.
■ Tell her she's beautiful.
■ Pay extra attention to making sure she has enough to eat - pack some snacks for her before the two of you go out for an evening for a hike
■ Write a letter to your unborn baby
■ Setup interview with potential childcare people.
■ Buy her a Mother's Day or Valentine's Day gift - even if it's November
■ Keep a journal (either written or recorded) of what you're thinking and feeling during the pregnancy.
■ Do something with her that she know you absolutely hate
■ Discuss your fears with your partner. Listen to hers, too, but don't make fun of them - no matter how insignificant they may seem to you.
■ Tell her about some of the cool things you read about pregnancy
■ Don't complain about any physical pain you're having while she's still pregnany.
■ Tell her she's sexy
■ Clean out closets to make room for baby things
■ Load her fav music for labor room
Birth plan checklist:
■ EMERGENCIES. Do you want the doctors or midwives to handle things on their own or would you prefer to have them explain what’s going on? If your partner is unconscious or unable to make a decision, should the practitioners get your permission before doing anything out of the ordinary?
■ PAIN MEDICATION. Do you want the hospital staff to offer it if they feel your partner could use some? Or do you want them to wait for her to ask for it?
■ STAYING TOGETHER. Do you and your partner want to remain together for the entire labor and delivery?
■ FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT. Will your partner be able to labor in the hallways (or in the shower), and in whatever position she’d like? There’s no reason to spend the whole time in bed. In fact, walking around as much as possible yields better results.
■ LABOR. If labor slows down, does she want to be offered oxytocin or other drugs to speed it up?
■ PICTURES AND VIDEOS. Do you want to take them? Do you want someone else to? Do you want to be able to take them even if there’s a C-section?
■ FETAL MONITORING. Does your partner want the baby’s heart rate monitored by machines throughout her labor, or would she prefer that monitoring be done only when necessary?
■ WATER BREAKING. Your baby has been swimming around in a sac filled with amniotic fluid. Before the baby can be born, that sac has to rupture. Ideally, that will happen on its own and, depending on the position of the baby, the fluid will gush or dribble out. Sometimes, though, the rupture may need to be induced manually.
■ THE BIRTH. Do you want the doctors to try forceps or suction to speed up the delivery, or do you want to hold out for a while longer? Do you want any other people (friends, relatives, midwife, other children) to attend the birth? Will a mirror be available (so your partner can get a better view of the delivery)?
■ EPISIOTOMY. If your partner’s vagina won’t stretch enough to allow the baby’s head through, the doctor may suggest making a small cut in the perineum—the space between the vagina and the anus. Some doctors do episiotomies as a preventative measure; others don’t do them unless absolutely necessary. Some people believe that a small but natural tear in the vagina is better than a surgical cut. Others say that the cut helps control the tearing. Either way, your partner should learn as much as she can about episiotomies and think about whether—barring emergencies, of course—she would want one, and if so, whether she would want it done with or without anesthesia.
■ CESAREAN SECTION. In case of a C-section, can you stay with your partner, or will you have to be separated? Will you be separated only for the spinal or epidural anesthesia, or for the entire procedure? Where will you be allowed to stand?
■ THE BABY. Who will cut the cord, and when? Do you want the hospital staff to take the baby away for cleaning and testing right after birth, or would you like him or her handed to you and/or your partner first?
■ AFTER THE BIRTH. Do you want the baby to breastfeed right away, or will you be bottle feeding? Do you want the baby with one of you all the time, or would you rather have him or her kept in the hospital's nursery? What about circumcision?
■ GOING HOME. Do you want to stay for as long as the hospital will let you, or do you want to go home as soon as possible?
Keep the following guidelines in mind for birth plan:
■ In the first paragraph, indicate your flexibility should an emergency arise.
■ Try not to make it sound like a legal document. That’s a great way to make a doctor or other health-care provider very nervous and defensive. Your practitioner will not be comfortable if she feels her hands will be tied in the case of an emergency.
■ Try to word your desires in a positive way. Avoid beginning every statement with “No” or “Do not.”
■ Refrain from including things in your plan that are not part of your birth site’s normal procedures.
■ Be sure to thank everyone for their respect and support.
■ After you and your partner have hammered out a draft of your birth plan, show it to your doctor. Let him or her go over it and make suggestions.
■ Remember that a birth plan is not a contract. It’s a way for you to communicate your preferences to your partner’s practitioners.
Packing Your Bags FOR HER:
■ A favorite picture and/or anything else she might need or want to help her through labor and the birth.
■ A battery-operated CD or MP3 player and some favorite music to help you both relax during labor. I know this sounds so twentieth century, but some hospitals may not allow you to plug anything, including phone chargers, into their outlets.
■ A bathrobe, a nightgown, or even one of your old T-shirts that she won’t mind getting a little blood on. Or a lot.
■ A large sports bottle (you know, the kind with the built-in straw) for sipping clear liquids. ■ Warm, nonskid socks and/or old slippers (hospital floors can be slippery). Again, ones she won’t mind getting bloody.
■ A change of clothes to go home in—not what she was wearing before she got pregnant. Sweats or maternity pants are particularly good.
■ A nursing bra.
■ Her toiletries bag. Don’t forget things like mouthwash, toothbrush and toothpaste, glasses, contact lens paraphernalia, hairbrush or comb, and a headband or ponytail holder or two.
■ Leave the jewelry at home.
Packing bags FOR YOU:
■ Comfy clothes
■ Tablet
■ swimsuit - in case you want to get into the shower with her in front of nursing staff
■ phone/camera
■ snacks (for you, not for partner who shouldn't be eating while in labor)
■ chargers for phones/tablet
■ massager
■ toothbrush, extra underwear, shaving kit, etc.
Packing bags FOR THE BABY:
■ car seat
■ outfit to go home in - a sleeper or sleep sac is fine, just as long as it has legs so the car seat's harness can go between them
■ diapers
■ several receiving blankets, weather appropriate
■ warm blankets for the ride home
Essentials to Have Waiting at Home
FOR THE BABY
Note: You’ll have to increase the quantities somewhat if you have twins or more.
■ Enough diapers to last for at least a week (you’re not going to want to go shopping). Just so you know, your newborn will go through about a dozen every day. Do the math. If you’re buying disposables, don’t go out and buy a truckload of the infant size. Babies tend to bulk up pretty quickly, and you might be on to the next size before you go through all the smaller ones. If you know your baby will be big, you can skip the newborn size completely. If you’re going with a cloth diaper service, a week’s supply is typically eighty (for one baby).
■ Baby soap and shampoo.
■ Thermometer, preferably one that takes the temperature via the forehead or ear, or one that’s part of a pacifier. Preventing your baby from squirming for three minutes while trying to keep a thermometer in her mouth or bottom is going to be an unpleasant experience for everyone concerned. Those old glass-and-mercury thermometers can be dangerous, so if someone gave you one, dispose of it properly or donate it to a museum.
■ An ear bulb. These are usually used for rinsing adults’ ears, but for babies, they’re used for suctioning mucus from their noses. Well, what do you expect? They can’t do it themselves. ■ Nail scissors. Essential: a baby’s nails are like tiny razors and grow like Jack’s beanstalk.
■ A first aid kit. You can get one from your local drugstore or online for about $20. But just to be sure, ask your pediatrician what should be in it.
■ A diaper bag. It used to be that most diaper bags looked like oversized purses. They were pink or flowery and no self-respecting man would be caught dead with one. Fortunately, there are now quite a few more masculine options.
■ Cotton swabs and alcohol for umbilical cord dressing.
■ Some formula, just in case. But keep in mind that some breastfeeding experts think this is a bad idea, because it might be too big a temptation to give up breastfeeding.
■ Pacifiers.
■ Stroller.
■ Fitted crib sheets.
■ Bottles and a breast pump.
■ 5 or 6 onesies (those cute little one-piece suits).
■ 5 or 6 pairs of booties (those stretchy socks).
■ 3 or 4 undershirts.
■ 3 or 4 outfits with separate top and bottom (that way you can wash only the part that gets dirty). Try to get the kind that have snaps.
■ 3 or 4 nightgowns or sleep sacs.
■ 1 or 2 coveralls with snaps.
■ 4 or 5 baby blankets.
■ 1 or 2 hooded bath towels.
■ 1 or 2 sun or snow hats.
■ 1 or 2 sweaters.
■ Snowsuit (as needed).
■ 0 shoes (people who don’t walk shouldn’t wear shoes—it can hurt their feet). A word of advice: your baby will poop or vomit on his clothes every single day. More than once. So skip the silk T-shirts and the vicuña sweaters and stick with good-quality washable materials. And, as with diapers, don’t invest a huge amount on newborn-sized clothes. Your baby will grow out of them in no time.
FOR YOUR PARTNER
■ Nursing pads.
■ Maxi-pads (she may need these for weeks).
■ Any medication or dressing materials needed in the event of a C-section or episiotomy
■ Milk and vitamins, especially if she is nursing.
■ Flowers, and favorite chocolates or other foods she might have avoided during pregnancy.
■ A good book about your baby's first year of life: May Clinic guide?
■ A comfortable rocking chair or glider, for nursing
■ A breastfeeding pillow
June 22, 2021
Patronizing with bad jokes, stereotypes, and a heavy lean towards American pregnancy. Worth it if you're into that but not very helpful otherwise.
August 19, 2015
3.5 stars.
This book was pretty helpful overall, with a lot of passages I ended up highlighting (e.g. "list of questions for your pediatrician"). The structure is good, with a chapter per month and listings of physical conditions and emotions you & your partner might be experiencing. A lot of it has lined up with what we've experienced so far! It helps to know what we can anticipate in the coming months.
I think this book would be much improved if the information about the individual stages of pregnancy was backed by more rigorous research. As it is, there is a some of dubious information reported (which turned out not to be true after some Googling). The author does have a list of citations at the end of the book, but they're not referenced in context, so it's hard to know what to believe sometimes.
Overall, it seems like a good overview and definitely contains useful information for new fathers, but you'll want to supplement with other sources as well.
This book was pretty helpful overall, with a lot of passages I ended up highlighting (e.g. "list of questions for your pediatrician"). The structure is good, with a chapter per month and listings of physical conditions and emotions you & your partner might be experiencing. A lot of it has lined up with what we've experienced so far! It helps to know what we can anticipate in the coming months.
I think this book would be much improved if the information about the individual stages of pregnancy was backed by more rigorous research. As it is, there is a some of dubious information reported (which turned out not to be true after some Googling). The author does have a list of citations at the end of the book, but they're not referenced in context, so it's hard to know what to believe sometimes.
Overall, it seems like a good overview and definitely contains useful information for new fathers, but you'll want to supplement with other sources as well.
Read
August 10, 2008When you’re having a baby, almost everyone whose had one has some advice for you, whether you want it or not. Unfortunately, it’s still considered rude in our society to tell those people to shut up.
This book is kind of like that. It’s more or less one person’s opinions and experience with a few studies thrown in. The difference between this and some lady you see at a restaurant is that you can tell the book to shut up.
I ended up skimming quite a bit of the book (Is it bad that I skipped the “what to do if you have to deliver the baby yourself” portion?). It isn’t that the information isn’t helpful, it’s just not very helpful, and, for the most part, it’s kind of outdated. The book is written in a world without digital cameras, DVDs or iPods, so I’m forced to question how up to date the baby information is. For instance, the author makes frequent references to a “vagina.” I don’t even know what that is, and I went to Law School.
The most helpful parts of this book are descriptions of what is going on with the mother both physically and mentally, as well as what most fathers can expect to feel like at specific parts of the pregnancy. It also has some helpful information on what the father’s role should be. Not surprisingly, it’s not pissing off the mother, and not breaking the baby.
The end of the book is a chapter on fatherhood roles in society, and the author seems very passionate about encouraging new father’s to challenge some outdated notions of the father being the outsider in the parent child relationship. This, I fully support. Which is why I’m going to be entering myself and LB into a Mother/Baby beauty pageant next year. Wish us luck!
This book is kind of like that. It’s more or less one person’s opinions and experience with a few studies thrown in. The difference between this and some lady you see at a restaurant is that you can tell the book to shut up.
I ended up skimming quite a bit of the book (Is it bad that I skipped the “what to do if you have to deliver the baby yourself” portion?). It isn’t that the information isn’t helpful, it’s just not very helpful, and, for the most part, it’s kind of outdated. The book is written in a world without digital cameras, DVDs or iPods, so I’m forced to question how up to date the baby information is. For instance, the author makes frequent references to a “vagina.” I don’t even know what that is, and I went to Law School.
The most helpful parts of this book are descriptions of what is going on with the mother both physically and mentally, as well as what most fathers can expect to feel like at specific parts of the pregnancy. It also has some helpful information on what the father’s role should be. Not surprisingly, it’s not pissing off the mother, and not breaking the baby.
The end of the book is a chapter on fatherhood roles in society, and the author seems very passionate about encouraging new father’s to challenge some outdated notions of the father being the outsider in the parent child relationship. This, I fully support. Which is why I’m going to be entering myself and LB into a Mother/Baby beauty pageant next year. Wish us luck!
February 18, 2019
A very good overview for first time dads. I think it's hard to cover this much info and keep the pace moving along but they did it. However, it loses a star for being a little too focused on just mainstream viewpoints. My wife and I were going through a birth center so there was a lot of info that could have been adjusted. A second huge star is taken away for the condescending tone towards men. In every section there was some kind of statement equivalent to, "don't forget to be a caring person and support your significant other." I know this is a massive issue among men, but I am not one of those men that went in to pregnancy unprepared to do my part. The phrasing should have been, "since you want to be there for your significant other, here is what you can do." I think assuming the best out of your reader would go a lot further toward helping him rise to this great occasion.
February 16, 2025
Has some good advice and info for expectant dads but some sections are very localized to the US and I had to skip them. It cites a lot of random studies to prove some points but I didn’t find them very relevant. It’s a little opinionated and I personally prefer a more informative approach. Still, overall I enjoyed the read and it provided valuable information.
June 11, 2019
It was nice to read something directed towards fathers and get some encouragement (I don't think my midwife has even made eye contact with me yet).
But there was a lot of bad statistics (so much correlation != causation) and self-promotion for other books and websites.
But there was a lot of bad statistics (so much correlation != causation) and self-promotion for other books and websites.
July 26, 2018
When I first became a father to the daughters in my pictures, this book was instrumental in my learning journey. It was enlightening and surprising. I didn't realize how much about the whole process that I didn't know. I had grown up around kids my whole life but I was a complete newbie when it came to babies.
October 22, 2019
I'm reading this alongside What to Expect When You're Expecting for a more comprehensive view. So far, it's very similar in content to that book, but with a fatherly slant to it. All in all, it met my expectations and will be reading the next in the series.
November 2, 2020
I read this like a novel and I thought it was amazing. The author did a great job informing the stages a mom and dad go through both physically and mentally. I felt like there was a lot of compassion for fathers and walking through all the common and crazy ideas that they go through was really fascinating. There were also really interesting sections on the studies around baby names or how to deliver a baby at home if you can't make it to a hospital. And there was a good amount of space spent on the evolving nature of a father's relationship with their child and their participation in child care given the pressure of gender roles in our society. Ideally this a reader should cover a chapter every month during a pregnancy, but I felt like it was great background reading on the subject.
December 28, 2022
This is a pretty good starting point for Dads, possibly the best one for understanding the birthing process. It’s not the end point.
I chose to read it month by month following the chapters that focus on each month’s stages and changes during THE NINE.
What I didn’t like about this book is it trips over itself to be inclusive to dads of all types. So, it has helpful
tips for dads having kids by IVF or adoption or surrogacy or whatever. This was kind of counterproductive for me because that just exposed other worries (maybe one’s I might have next go around). From a reader’s perspective (and maybe a publishers but surely they’ve considered this), I would rather the book have different editions for the different forms of becoming a parent.
I chose to read it month by month following the chapters that focus on each month’s stages and changes during THE NINE.
What I didn’t like about this book is it trips over itself to be inclusive to dads of all types. So, it has helpful
tips for dads having kids by IVF or adoption or surrogacy or whatever. This was kind of counterproductive for me because that just exposed other worries (maybe one’s I might have next go around). From a reader’s perspective (and maybe a publishers but surely they’ve considered this), I would rather the book have different editions for the different forms of becoming a parent.
June 8, 2015
I bought this for my husband, but wound up really enjoying it for myself! It was really interesting to hear about pregnancy from the male perspective, something that is really lacking in probably most books of this type. I thought the author was a good balance between a "real" parent, with perhaps a little "hippie" thrown in there. For example, he pointed out that most practitioners don't love birth plans... I suspected that, but from all the other mommy blogs and books you would think EVERYONE has one and that doctors just LOVE them.
I would recommend this to first-time parents. It was entertaining, educational, and suitable for both mom and dad.
I would recommend this to first-time parents. It was entertaining, educational, and suitable for both mom and dad.
November 1, 2017
If anyone actually reads my reviews... preslee is pregnant.
April 10, 2023
Ready to be a dad
March 7, 2025
Not a bad book, but some weird “it’s hard to be a man” stuff in there that I found kinda silly. Ignoring that stuff, there was a lot of information I found interesting and/or useful.
November 2, 2022
To go along with What to Expect — the metropolis of pregnancy books — here’s the Dad-book suburb made just for me. There’s plenty of overlap between the two, but this one really helped me feel more included in the whole experience. It was comforting that someone thought to organize all this info specifically for the partners when most of the time they are overlooked (for good reason, we know we aren’t doing the heavy lifting here, but still).
One thing I appreciated about this one over the other is the give-it-to-you-plain attitude. More down to earth and real advice rather than long, detailed overexplanation. And it speaks to you on a more personal level, or at least it did to me. I felt like the author could read my mind and was talking me down from a potential freak out before I even got to it. There’s a lot of reassuring and pep talking and firsthand commiserating, all of which stuck with me as each month ticked by.
It felt like it was written directly for me, whereas the other was clearly written more for moms rather than the saavy partners that stumbled onto it on her nightstand. Thankfully, I get to keep this one on mine.
One thing I appreciated about this one over the other is the give-it-to-you-plain attitude. More down to earth and real advice rather than long, detailed overexplanation. And it speaks to you on a more personal level, or at least it did to me. I felt like the author could read my mind and was talking me down from a potential freak out before I even got to it. There’s a lot of reassuring and pep talking and firsthand commiserating, all of which stuck with me as each month ticked by.
It felt like it was written directly for me, whereas the other was clearly written more for moms rather than the saavy partners that stumbled onto it on her nightstand. Thankfully, I get to keep this one on mine.
December 24, 2020
A lot to think about that can go wrong but nature has been doing this for a long time. Be present.
July 4, 2020
(Expecting my first) Huge fan of this book. It was a great, step by step, nuts and bolts approach to the emotional and physical side of pregnancy for dads. While I didn’t agree with everything, he gave a great framework for expectations.
As my kid grows, I’ll read the rest of this series of books.
As my kid grows, I’ll read the rest of this series of books.
November 9, 2021
Used this book as a means to reflect through the monthly changes we experienced during my wife's pregnancy.
November 1, 2015
Armin Brott's THE EXPECTANT FATHER is a terrific resource for new daddies preparing for the biggest, and most rewarding, change in their life.
Brott is direct and straight-forward in his presentations, and his information is well-researched and sourced, so if you have any questions or would like to know more about the material presented, it's very easy to find his primary sources. He has also compiled a very handy Resources appendix to further one's own research into this challenging new landscape. Prepping for a baby can be stressful and incredibly time-consuming, so I really appreciated the author's no-frills approach along with personal examples from his own experiences as a father of two daughters. The writing is smooth and he approaches each of his topics, ranging from each month of pregnancy to delivery, up through the first few days at home, with clarity and dashes of smart humor.
Which brings me to why I so appreciated this book over a few other expectant father guides out there. Brott recognizes the importance of being a father and he's quick, and happy, to dispel some of the more negative and ridiculous stereotypes about fatherhood. While sitcoms, and way too often our own society (including plenty of other men out there) like to treat fathers as ancillary, barely-there doofuses, the reality (or at least my reality in approaching fatherhood) is quite different. I want to be an active part of my child's life and learn how to do things for him as we grow and bond together. I also consider myself to be reasonably educated, and I liked that Brott treated his readers as equals. There's no talking down to his readers about this subject, and we're all on a level playing field. I did try to read a few other parenting books for men, but couldn't stand the talking points about how changing diapers isn't quite as simple as cracking open a beer can, or presenting information in a "I know you're a caveman, but even your simple mind can do this" fashion. Those books felt like a perpetuation of ridiculous BS, whereas Brott is more than willing to give the subject, and his readers, much deserved respect.
While being a parent, and a new one at that, is rife with on the job training and no owner's manual in sight, it certainly can't hurt to have plenty of information on hand. And that's what you get with Brott's work - concise, informative, respectful, and well-delivered topics on the ups and downs, and the joys, of becoming - and being - a father. Now that our son is three weeks old, I'm ready to move onto Brott's next book, THE NEW FATHER.
Brott is direct and straight-forward in his presentations, and his information is well-researched and sourced, so if you have any questions or would like to know more about the material presented, it's very easy to find his primary sources. He has also compiled a very handy Resources appendix to further one's own research into this challenging new landscape. Prepping for a baby can be stressful and incredibly time-consuming, so I really appreciated the author's no-frills approach along with personal examples from his own experiences as a father of two daughters. The writing is smooth and he approaches each of his topics, ranging from each month of pregnancy to delivery, up through the first few days at home, with clarity and dashes of smart humor.
Which brings me to why I so appreciated this book over a few other expectant father guides out there. Brott recognizes the importance of being a father and he's quick, and happy, to dispel some of the more negative and ridiculous stereotypes about fatherhood. While sitcoms, and way too often our own society (including plenty of other men out there) like to treat fathers as ancillary, barely-there doofuses, the reality (or at least my reality in approaching fatherhood) is quite different. I want to be an active part of my child's life and learn how to do things for him as we grow and bond together. I also consider myself to be reasonably educated, and I liked that Brott treated his readers as equals. There's no talking down to his readers about this subject, and we're all on a level playing field. I did try to read a few other parenting books for men, but couldn't stand the talking points about how changing diapers isn't quite as simple as cracking open a beer can, or presenting information in a "I know you're a caveman, but even your simple mind can do this" fashion. Those books felt like a perpetuation of ridiculous BS, whereas Brott is more than willing to give the subject, and his readers, much deserved respect.
While being a parent, and a new one at that, is rife with on the job training and no owner's manual in sight, it certainly can't hurt to have plenty of information on hand. And that's what you get with Brott's work - concise, informative, respectful, and well-delivered topics on the ups and downs, and the joys, of becoming - and being - a father. Now that our son is three weeks old, I'm ready to move onto Brott's next book, THE NEW FATHER.
October 22, 2024
I had high hopes after it was recommended by a friend. Overall, I was pretty disappointed and at times even amused at how bad it was (bad = long-winded + culturally tone-deaf). The information is very generic and it doesn't cite the hundreds of studies it references, many of which I suspect are at best dubious in quality. It is WAY longer than it needs to be, with "sidebars" that often run for multiple pages. I suspect some of this has gotten worse with later editions - in an effort to appeal to every dad out there (traditional, adoptive, IVF, etc.), it ends up repeating the same messages five times in slightly different ways. I guess nobody told the author - you can't be all things to all people. Last, I found it surprisingly patronizing for modern day fathers. Maybe the tone was appropriate in 1995, or for the most immature and disconnected of dads today (who, ironically, would likely never even open this book). But I don't think most modern fathers need paragraph after paragraph of pleading / encouragement to attend a prenatal appointment with their partner (one of tens such patronizing examples). I can see how the shorter earlier editions of this book would've been valuable. But with the 5th edition, I think this book is now well past its prime.
October 29, 2007
This book is fantastic. The first time you and your wife become pregnant, books will start appearing out of thin air telling her every minute detail of what is happening each day of the pregnancy, what the baby is doing now, how big it is, what might go wrong now, and how to deal with it. If you are like is, you'll end up with 2.3 copies of each book on the subject.
This book is different, because it is for the father. It not only tells you what is going on with your wife, and future offspring, but also goes into what is happening with you. It's full of great advice and information.
One tip though. If it tells you something, and then says you'd be wise not to mention that to your wife while she is pregnant, Listen To It! I'm still living that one down.
This book is different, because it is for the father. It not only tells you what is going on with your wife, and future offspring, but also goes into what is happening with you. It's full of great advice and information.
One tip though. If it tells you something, and then says you'd be wise not to mention that to your wife while she is pregnant, Listen To It! I'm still living that one down.
December 14, 2018
There are a LOT of books out there. And the getting-ready-to-be parents genre is its own cottage industry, selling product to raise parenting expectations. This one has a lot of outdated information, is at times offensive, (especially the comments about why it would be nice to have a "cute, 20 year old au pair in your house") and rather clumsily promotes the idea of an equal partnership in raising children, while the existence of this book presumes a sort of paternal laziness ("I'll just read this book and be all set"). There MUST be better, more insightful books out there that don't treat expectant fathers like lazy, horny idiots.
June 7, 2012
Reading this book while watching my wife rest during labor has been one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. I wish I would have read this book as soon as we discovered we were pregnant but the insight was still very well-received. All dads-to-be should read this!
June 1, 2016
Well written, solid and insightful. I can say that the medical information provided is pretty spot on in all regards and that this book should be required reading for all expecting dads.
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