Radical Acts of Love: Twenty Conversations to Inspire Hope at the End of Life

by Janie Brown

A deeply moving and ultimately uplifting exploration of our last great challenge.In this profound and moving book, oncology nurse Janie Brown recounts twenty conversations she has had with the dying, including people close to her. Each conversation uncovers a different perspective on, and experience of death, while at the same time exploring its universalities. Offering extremely sensitive and wise insight into our final moments, Brown shows practical ways to facilitate the shift from feeling helpless about death to feeling hopeful; from fear to acceptance; from feeling disconnected and alone, to becoming part of the wider, collective story of our mortality.As Janie Brown writes, "Most people now under sixty have never seen a person die, and so have become deeply fearful about death, their own and the deaths of their beloved others. They have had no role models to show them how to care for a dying person, and therefore no confidence in being able to do so. My hope is that the baby boomer cohort who pushed for the return of the midwives to de-medicalize birth will also be instrumental in reclaiming the death process. This book is my contribution to the re-empowerment of all of us to take charge of our lives and our deaths, remembering that we know how to die, just as we knew how to come into this world. We also know how to heal, and to settle our lives as best we can, before we die. In my view, this is the greatest gift we could give our loved to be prepared and open and accepting when the time comes for us to leave this world."

Genres: Nonfiction, Health, Death, Audiobook, Psychology

304 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 24, 2020

Reviews

[Janie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to read an early edition of this book and when I finished, closed the pages with gratitude for Janie Brown's decision to share her wisdom. We will all face death sometime, our own or that of a loved one, and we need all the wisdom, compassion, and reassurance we can get on our way to this unknown country. Read it. That's all I can say.

[CanadianReader · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read far enough to get a sense of the book, I think. Brown, a clinical nurse with a background in psychology, is interested in the emotional and spiritual work that people do when they or their loved ones are dying. Some years ago, she and two friends formed Callanish, a charitable organization that allows families facing cancer to have week-long retreats to untangle relational knots and sometimes resolve or work to accept unfinished business. Brown notes that even though a patient’s body is failing, he or she still has abundant capacity to give and receive love.

I can’t argue with any of this, and I can imagine she provides a very helpful service to people. The book has a very British-Columbia feel to it—that is, it’s pretty “new age”. (BC is Canada’s California.) This probably wouldn’t have bothered me when I was younger, but I found my current self recoiling a bit. For ten summers, Brown studied under Dolores Krieger, the originator of Therapeutic Touch, a form of intuitive “energy medicine” where the practitioner doesn’t touch the receiver, so much hold her hands above the patient and fluff the air about him. (A younger, less skeptical me once took a weekend course in it, so I know a little. However, I am not overly amenable to the modality now, though family members said they felt calmed and comforted by it when I practised on them years ago.) Reading about Brown’s singing to and playing ukulele for a dying friend also felt a bit . . . strange and not in a good way. (Not crazy about the hippie-ish sound of that instrument.) I felt that it was somehow wrong for Brown to be providing this personal information to me, a total stranger.

Some might find this a comforting book. I just felt an uncomfortable sense of its invading the privacy of dying people (though Brown makes clear she changed identifying details). As far as I got, the book just wasn’t speaking to me. The author apparently presents a range of patients’ stories about negotiating the final days and final journey. I’m afraid I didn’t get far enough to see if there was much variation in these narratives.

For me, a miss. Therefore, a rating of two.

[A.M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had to stop reading after only 10 minutes of my commute to avoid embarrassing myself by crying in public.

This isn't a cheerful read, but it's somehow cathartic and ultimately hopeful - tackling a subject that we must all one day face yet frequently ignore. While I found some parts a little too spiritual for me, there's a relatable mundanity to the conversations that make them all the more poignant. What was most gut-wrenching was the fears of those being left behind.

It feels terrible to say, but by the end some of the conversations felt a bit samey. But I guess there is comfort in that too: while dying may feel personal and insurmountable, it's something our bodies already know how to do.

Read this if you want to discover life in death.

Caveat: I don't have close family with cancer, so can't judge how painful or helpful this would be for those closer to the situation.

[Cecelia Reekie · Rating 5 out of 5]

An beautiful book, I could not put it down. This book gave me a great deal to think about, to try and understand situations, perhaps one day things will make sense!

[Axellesbooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Een zeer mooi en emotioneel boek. Je leest over het einde van een aantal mensen hun leven waarvan sommige echt pakkend zijn. Volledige recensie: https://axellesbooks.wordpress.com/20...

[Becky Proctor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Talking about death, even thinking about it, is uncomfortable for most of us. This important book explores these difficult conversations.

[Marloes · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5-4⭐️

[Mael Brigde · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing book. I’m so grateful that Janie Brown does the work that she does and finds a way to write about it so beautifully. As a cancer survivor, I know a little of what people go through on that difficult journey. And we often rise to the occasion in surprising ways. She describes great compassion, creativity, grief entwined with joy, and immense courage, both on the part of the people living with cancer and their approach to death, and on the part of the people who care for and support them.

[Larissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A kind and well-intentioned gift from someone who knows I care a lot about palliative care, but unfortunately this book fell short for me. It's funny, I actually think that a lot of the patients and families I care for would be really comforted by the author's style/approach - and sometimes I wish I could give that to them - but I think my personal disengagement from spirituality and "woo" has also been key to me connecting with others, and I really do think that I've still managed nonetheless to form strong therapeutic relationships with folks who've also taken comfort in spiritual/religious/alternative medical practices at the end of life. I won't go into great detail about the specifics of what bothered me in terms of the content here, but this is a good example: "Eight days later, I made my way through a series of Staff Only doors to the intensive care unit. Working in hospitals gave me the confidence to push through forbidden doors" (p. 40). And she's busting in to provide Therapeutic Touch™!! I mean... yeesh on all fronts.

Now while I think I can justify that angle of general criticism, I'm more ashamed to be judgmental of the fact that the title makes me cringe a bit - I just don't think I would ever talk about my work that way - but I guess I am in the business of radical love. The fundamentals that Brown conveys through her stories are part of how I approach end of life and palliation too: quiet presence, listening more than I speak, gentle and loving touch (I will forever hold and rock and cherish every baby without it having to do with energy fields or what have you). I'll always appreciate reading about others who centre those values. A standout chapter for me was Kirsten's story (Chapter 12: Writing on Purpose). I'm generally not a poetry person, but the unpretentiousness of those poems worked for me, and I was really touched by this particular story of community building. On the other hand, the writing in many of the other chapters felt a bit hollow to me, which to be fair was probably at least in part as a result of being composite/anonymised cases.

2.5 stars

[Salty Swift · Rating 4 out of 5]

Canadian oncology nurse Janie Brown has worked with the most terminally ill for a number of decades. The twenty conversations in this book reveal different aspects of death - from those who haven't forgiven themselves or others, to those who are scared or worried about the kids and partners they leave behind, to those are ready for their final days. Moving portraits of complex people who died with grace and much too soon.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.8/5
Did it eradicate my crippling existential dread? No. But did it help a little? It did. And not insignificantly.

[Lauren Packer · Rating 5 out of 5]

So beautifully articulated and necessary for anyone going through grief

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️
A lot of beauty and wisdom contained in this book. The complex interplay between living and dying, comparisons of birthing and dying processes, the spirituality and emphasis of interconnectedness, community , nature, art and movement (cycling, dance) as major forces of deep healing of the soul really resonated with me. The importance of doing the hard emotional work, redefining hope, finding meaning and larger perspective when dealing with a life limiting diagnosis was really highlighted in this book. I wish OHIP covered the type of retreats Janie organized; I was so inspired by her work and hope to bring some of it to my own palliative care practice. The importance for a provider to make space for people to express emotions associated with death and dying and having the distress tolerance to sit with these intense emotions cannot be understated. I love the idea of healing while dying.

[Angelique · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ondanks dat ik normaal wel een mening heb over een boek. Vind ik het enorm lastig bij dit boek de juiste woorden te vinden om te omschrijven wat ik ervan vind. Het is een krachtig boek. Tegelijkertijd enorm verdrietig om te lezen dat merendeel van deze mensen zo vroeg het leven hebben moeten achterlaten. Maar ook liefdevol. Hoe Janie deze mensen van steun kan zijn.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Janie Brown shares a series of twenty profiles of people facing their impending deaths from cancer.

Brown, a counsellor and nurse, presents various ways that patients and their families cope with this liminal time.

[Mary Harding · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent mix of narrative and the plain truth.
Good variety of situations and stories and personal reflection.
It embraced the commonalities and the uniqueness of each person's journey with a terminal diagnosis.
I will reread.
Brava!

[Dina Horne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Inspiring stories of people who have journeyed through cancer. The author shares her experience walking alongside them.

[Visnja · Rating 4 out of 5]

Never read a book on this subject before. Delicate, touching, and without being overly pathetic - so eye- and heart-opening about what it takes to be in the presence of mortality, death, and dying, yet still being able to hold and be driven by love, compassion, and a desire for offering connection. I am moved by Janie's capacity to contain, guide, and experience, as well as articulate those sacred final moments she shared with her clients. It left me appreciating the honour we have of being alive with each other, the wonder that is the human condition, and the sanctity our mortality gives our lives.

[Enid Wray · Rating 4 out of 5]

An exquisite and deeply personal exploration of the end of life - the collected stories of a palliative care nurse and her experiences with some of her patients. This is a very accessible read.

This is a really important collection that anyone going through, or approaching, an end of life journey should read… and their family and friends should also read this. For sure I am going to buy a copy to catalogue into the library I have built at our new local residential hospice - which opens its doors to our first family in three days time. Timely...

[Vontel]

I didn't finish this book, received with a stack of other library books, couldn't renew. Not sure if I'll go back to it. I met Janie Brown years ago when I was active in the palliative care field, & found value in hearing some of her presentations at conferences I attended, but not much in the past 20 years.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I cried so many times reading this book I lost count. There is so much here about grief, loss, love, death, and what it means to be alive when the end of life is near. I can only hope that the end of my own life is bathed in the sort of deep empathy and understanding that Brown exhibits. I would want someone like her to usher me from the would.

[Whitney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having been caregiver to my husband on his Cancer journey, I found this book to be real, compassionately written and comforting. It will make you think, laugh, cry and feel the love, fear, anger, happiness, grief and hopefully the peace that each person shares through Janie’s writhing. Beautifully written.

[Alex Yaroshevych · Rating 5 out of 5]

The stories in this book are quite tough, each one detailing the experiences of cancer patients and the life lessons they learned to overcome the fear of death.

Favourite quote:

'Her mom wrote in her journal: My legacy of who I was as a person will give them guidance in life and facilitate kindness, goodness and love that will embrace them in their journey through life.'

[jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartwarming and devastating book. I cried many times while listening, and I could feel the love and connection through Janie’s words. I’m a nursing student myself and this book has made me hopeful and grateful that I get to be a part of the profession.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very moving read, often bringing me to tears with some hopeful but devastating stories. Couldn’t help but find it very Americanised in its spirituality but that is a very personal thing, I have no doubt this aspect is what helps patients the most

[Natalie Liddle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very powerful and emotional read.
It’s a book that has you weeping but also smiling and whilst it’s sad it’s cathartic and quite life affirming.
I got a huge amount from this book.
I’d give it more stars if I could and I would highly recommend it to anyone in any situation

[Aly Bird · Rating 4 out of 5]

Death anxiety was something I struggled with after my husband died unexpectedly. Brown's work gently guided me though different ways the end of someone's life can go. I am so appreciative for her words and the images that she painted about what end-of-life care and support looks like.

[Jo Owens · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this because of professional interest (I am a care aide). I cried cathartic tears. A big thank you to Janie Brown for this book, and for her work on this planet.

[Wrenn1 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed how I view death and dying. It was so personal and compassionate. I hope this author writes many more books. Her voice is needed in the world of cancer. I am so glad I found it.

[Vanesa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Favourite Stories:
- Karen: Golden Love
- John: Fear Disappears
- Dan: Dying on His Own Terms
- Louise: The Possibility of Forgiveness