Rules for the Southern Rulebreaker: Missteps and Lessons Learned

by Katherine Snow Smith

Southern women are inundated with rules starting early—from always wearing sensible shoes to never talking about death to the dying, and certainly not relying on song lyrics for marriage therapy.

Nevertheless, Katherine Snow Smith keeps doing things like falling off her high heels onto President Barack Obama, gaining dubious status as the middle school “lice mom,” and finding confirmation in the lyrics of Miranda Lambert after her twenty-four-year marriage ends. Somehow, despite never meaning to defy Southern expectations for parenting, marriage, work, and friendship, Smith has found herself doing just that for over four decades. Luckily for everyone, the outcome of these “broken rules” is this collection of refreshing stories, filled with vulnerability, humor, and insight, sharing how she received lifelong advice from a sixth-grade correspondence with an Oscar-winning actress, convinced a terminally ill friend to write good-bye letters, and won the mother of all “don’t give up” lectures by finishing a road race last (as the pizza boxes were thrown away).

Rules for the Southern Rule Breaker will resonate with every woman, southern or not, who has a tendency to wander down the hazy side roads and realizes the rewards that come from listening to the pull in one’s heart over the voice in one’s head.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

176 pages, Paperback

Published July 21, 2020

Reviews

[Tara]

A friend recommended this book to me. It’s not anything I would typically read but I’m still in a little reading slump.

This is a memoir of a middle aged woman. I think it’s helped my friend feel “normal” and know that there are other women who have the same struggles as she’s had.

The author is a journalist and that shows in her writing (at least this book).

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a Southerner who grew up in the North (but has lived in the South for over 50 years), I missed all the training on Southern rules and I'm sure that I broke a lot of those rules when I first moved here. The author of this book looks at 22 specific rules of a well-bred Southern woman and writes a humorous essay about how she broke that rule. Her rules range from 'Always Wear Sensible Shoes' to "Family Secrets aren't Meant to be Shared' and 'Never get a Tattoo." The entire book is entertaining and some of her essays made me laugh out loud.

I am going to tell you about one of my favorite essays:

Always Wear Sensible Shoes - she made the decision to look stylish and wear 4 inch heels that were very uncomfortable to her first media holiday party at the White House. She could barely walk and was in great pain when she finally got a chance to shake hands with President Obama and his wife. "Just as we smiled for our big moment, my left foot twisted, my knee gave way, I fell against the 44th President of the United States then headed backward." (p 3).

This is a fun look at following the rules of life (or breaking them) no matter where you live.

[Ashley Nance Connor | TheRhymingReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

We all have our set of rules
Some keep us straight, some make us fools
Each person’s self-imposed guide
Helps them navigate the ride that is life
A lot of rules are truly great
But some are meant for us to break
When we let go of what people expect,
We put ourselves to the test
This little collection of anecdotes
Read like a wisdom coach’s notes
Let your hair down; live your life
You’ll be surprised what gives you the most delight

This was a quick, refreshing read. Each chapter, or rule broken, was short and to the point. I liked the variety of emotions the various stories were able to illicit. I laughed. I cried. I empathized. Although the various rules were the thread through the short stories, the stories did feel somewhat disjointed. But if you need a pallet-cleansing read, this just may do the trick!

[Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderfully reflective book of essays that I could relate to in so many ways. I've lent it to my adult daughter who is about the age of this author (at the time).

[Wes books · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Katherine has the ability to share the witty, poignant stories of her life that touch readers as if it were their friend or sister catching up over a glass of wine. As a Army brat I always had Southern envy and wanted that gentile yet strong identity, in no small part because of the Snow family. This collection certainly shows one woman's relateable experiences through charm, wry self deprecating humor and gut punches done with honesty and style. "We all have wounds and scars we can expose or tend to alone. [She chooses to expose hers] because that's how you end up with bed jackets,one liners and support from friends through all the lows and highs."

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyable and funny book, with a few doses of sadness dropped in here and there, even kind of offhandedly, which took me by surprise every time. She seems like someone you'd want to hang out with so she can tell you stories in person. This book seemed like each chapter was written independently of each other, sort of like a blog or column, but it worked well somehow.

Not that this has much to do with the review, but I discovered that the author (and 10 of her friends) even lived 3 streets away from me on Nantucket one summer and most likely waited on me and my friends at the Ropewalk the many nights we were in there eating that spicy fried calamari that I miss to this day!

[Helen · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fun book! Katherine Snow Smith has written a delightful collection of 22 personal essays that show off both her wit and her vulnerability. The common theme is "rules" that she broke, with consequences that are sometimes funny, sometimes painful and always memorable. My personal favorite was "Know your limitations," in which she tells about being talked into signing up for a duathlon--six miles of running and 10 miles of biking--and finishing dead last, with the police escort crawling along behind her. .

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is cute....I am glad it fell into my hands. There are funny stories and also hard stories....which is pretty much what life is made up of. We actually read "Know Your Limits" out loud at a dinner party last weekend...I thought it was hysterical. I had just read something really long and heavy and this was a delightful pallet cleanser.

[Robin Holland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Entertaining

This book is short stories that will entertain people of all ages, genders, all walks of life. I thoroughly enjoyed each essay and could relate to most of them in some fashion. I think you will too. Excellently worded and cleverly delivered. I hope you write a hundred more. .

[Karianne Tew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read

I really enjoyed this real life story. Loved because I am from Alabama and live in Tampa so it’s nice to see the commentary on these locations. But the honesty she gives made me life and cry and move on in life when life gives you lemons. I will always remember the rear view mirror.

[Sherrie Howey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having attended UNC, the author followed in her father's footsteps as a journalist and she is a terrific writer based on this book. Many of her essays in this book are quite funny while others show her vulnerability. She deals with many tough subjects including divorce, serious health issues and death.
This was such a genuine, heartfelt memoir that I am definitely recommending to my friends.

[Alexia · Rating 3 out of 5]

"I think these essays show that there can still be good outcomes when you don't do what everybody expects you to do."

I really enjoyed this book, especially as a Southern girl. The author is a great storyteller weaving humor and wisdom in each lesson about the rules she’s broken, and I found her vulnerability refreshing. I think no matter your age, there’s something you can take away from this book.

[Tracy]

Reviewing for Booklist--more to come

[Marylee Zink · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short and sweet personal essays about her life. This is the best kind of memoir...heartfelt at times, funny at times, always open about life’s roller coaster ride.

[CR · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was ok.

[Gina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick, easy book to read. Katherine is good at telling stories that make you smile and make you think. I enjoyed the book and look forward to reading more from her in the future.

[Ramona · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent and funny read!

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Witty and warm.

[Elizabeth Vanneste · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny and poignant essays on life's unexpected moments.

[Eva Popovich · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun read

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have three words for this memoir: stunning, totally relatable, and inspirational. Published last month, this book will give you so many kinds of emotions and will truly challenge your thoughts.

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy, interesting and very truthful memoir of a woman's life. Very relatable. Told in short stories so you can easily put down and pick up to continue. Several made me really think about times, issues in my life.