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Tender: The Imperfect Art of Caring
A personal, positive and essential book for the many carers among us.
'A beautiful and timely reminder that each and every one of us has the ability to care, the capacity for empathy, and the potential to grow.' ANDY PUDDICOMBE, author of HEADSPACE
'Tender is a profoundly important book, full of wisdom and bright insights on what it really means to love someone, by a fearless and generous writer. ' CLOVER STROUD
'A wonderful book: compassionate, honest, carefully-reasoned and genuinely helpful... This will benefit many people.' KATHERINE MAY, author of WINTERING
'An invaluable tool for any invisible carers or anyone who wants to learn how to better support their loved ones... we ALL have many, many things to learn from Penny's beautiful, wise, charming, thoughtful words' - SCARLETT CURTIS, Sunday Times bestselling author
'Moving and beautifully written, nuanced and wise, alert to every paradox at the heart of love. A hugely important book not only for current or future carers, but anyone learning to accept that life tends to resist our control.' - OLIVIA SUDJIC, author of EXPOSURE
'Tender captures the powerful capacity of people to care for others, and all the heartbreaking and heartwarming complexity that this involves. Penny brings the crucial, yet often overlooked, role of caring into our collective consciousness and, in doing so, demonstrates what it means to be human.' -DR EMMA HEPBURN, author of A TOOLKIT FOR MODERN LIFE
'Penny Wincer's TENDER manages to combine both unromanticised honesty about the realities of care with a genuine uplifting hopefulness... is a must-read.'- RUTH WHIPPMAN, author of THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
We are all likely - at some point in our lives - to face the prospect of caring for another, whether it's a parent, child or partner. It is estimated that there are 7 million people in the UK caring for loved ones. And yet these are the unpaid, unsung people whose number is rising all the time.
In Tender: the imperfect art of caring, Penny Wincer combines her own experiences as a carer with the experiences of others to offer real and transformative tools and insights for navigating a situation that many of us are either facing or will face at some time.
Penny Wincer has twice been a carer: first to her mother, and now as a single parent to her autistic son. Tender shows how looking after oneself is a fundamental part of caring for another, and describes the qualities that we can look to cultivate in ourselves through what may otherwise feel to be an exhausting task.
Weaving her lived experience with research into resilience, perfectionism and self-compassion, Penny combines the stories of other carers alongside those who receive support - offering an often surprising and hopeful perspective.
'A beautiful and timely reminder that each and every one of us has the ability to care, the capacity for empathy, and the potential to grow.' ANDY PUDDICOMBE, author of HEADSPACE
'Tender is a profoundly important book, full of wisdom and bright insights on what it really means to love someone, by a fearless and generous writer. ' CLOVER STROUD
'A wonderful book: compassionate, honest, carefully-reasoned and genuinely helpful... This will benefit many people.' KATHERINE MAY, author of WINTERING
'An invaluable tool for any invisible carers or anyone who wants to learn how to better support their loved ones... we ALL have many, many things to learn from Penny's beautiful, wise, charming, thoughtful words' - SCARLETT CURTIS, Sunday Times bestselling author
'Moving and beautifully written, nuanced and wise, alert to every paradox at the heart of love. A hugely important book not only for current or future carers, but anyone learning to accept that life tends to resist our control.' - OLIVIA SUDJIC, author of EXPOSURE
'Tender captures the powerful capacity of people to care for others, and all the heartbreaking and heartwarming complexity that this involves. Penny brings the crucial, yet often overlooked, role of caring into our collective consciousness and, in doing so, demonstrates what it means to be human.' -DR EMMA HEPBURN, author of A TOOLKIT FOR MODERN LIFE
'Penny Wincer's TENDER manages to combine both unromanticised honesty about the realities of care with a genuine uplifting hopefulness... is a must-read.'- RUTH WHIPPMAN, author of THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
We are all likely - at some point in our lives - to face the prospect of caring for another, whether it's a parent, child or partner. It is estimated that there are 7 million people in the UK caring for loved ones. And yet these are the unpaid, unsung people whose number is rising all the time.
In Tender: the imperfect art of caring, Penny Wincer combines her own experiences as a carer with the experiences of others to offer real and transformative tools and insights for navigating a situation that many of us are either facing or will face at some time.
Penny Wincer has twice been a carer: first to her mother, and now as a single parent to her autistic son. Tender shows how looking after oneself is a fundamental part of caring for another, and describes the qualities that we can look to cultivate in ourselves through what may otherwise feel to be an exhausting task.
Weaving her lived experience with research into resilience, perfectionism and self-compassion, Penny combines the stories of other carers alongside those who receive support - offering an often surprising and hopeful perspective.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published June 11, 2020
17 people are currently reading
339 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
July 15, 2020
We are all likely - at some point in our lives - to face the prospect of caring for another, whether it's a parent, child or partner. It is estimated that there are 7 million people in the UK caring for loved ones. And yet these are the unpaid, unsung people whose number is rising all the time. In Tender: the imperfect art of caring, Penny Wincer combines her own experiences as a carer with the experiences of others to offer real and transformative tools and insights for navigating a situation that many of us are either facing or will face at some time.
This isn’t a book I would usually pick up, but one that I thoroughly enjoyed. It opened my eyes up to a world I have yet to be apart of. As a teacher, I have students that have support with them throughout most days to be able to participate in the fullest with school activities. I have never really put much thought into their home life though, and the amount of hours their parents and family would put into supporting them and this book really opened my eyes to that.
Penny Wincer has interviewed a whole variety of carers and people living with a disability to compile this book and it’s insightful and eye opening. While there were some parts I had a differing opinion on, it really helped to give me a different perspective on the ins and outs of being a carer. It also gave me a different perspective on how the world views people that are carers - from social media posts turning them into hero’s, or the “I’m sorry” when they share the news of their child/parent/family members disability. It has definitely made me think and question some of the ways I view and respond to those situations.
While I know that this will not be a book everyone will gravitate towards, however if you do see it, I would encourage you to pick it up and have a read. Even if it’s just as a way to think about someone other than yourself for a little bit.
This isn’t a book I would usually pick up, but one that I thoroughly enjoyed. It opened my eyes up to a world I have yet to be apart of. As a teacher, I have students that have support with them throughout most days to be able to participate in the fullest with school activities. I have never really put much thought into their home life though, and the amount of hours their parents and family would put into supporting them and this book really opened my eyes to that.
Penny Wincer has interviewed a whole variety of carers and people living with a disability to compile this book and it’s insightful and eye opening. While there were some parts I had a differing opinion on, it really helped to give me a different perspective on the ins and outs of being a carer. It also gave me a different perspective on how the world views people that are carers - from social media posts turning them into hero’s, or the “I’m sorry” when they share the news of their child/parent/family members disability. It has definitely made me think and question some of the ways I view and respond to those situations.
While I know that this will not be a book everyone will gravitate towards, however if you do see it, I would encourage you to pick it up and have a read. Even if it’s just as a way to think about someone other than yourself for a little bit.
September 3, 2021
According to the charity Carers UK, across the UK 6.5 milion people are carers - that's 1 in 8 adults providing unpaid care for family and friends.
I believe that most people alive today will take on care responsibilities for other people and will have to recieve full-time care themselves at some point in their lives. Due to medical advancements we're seeing an increase in an ageing population across the world - an elderly population who are alive but need various levels of support to remain so. For someone like me, I expect to extend full-time care to two groups of people - young children and very old adults who are approaching the end of their life. I do believe that's also what most people think their caring responsibilities will extend to.
Penny Wincer has been a carer for a lot of her life. She was a young carer to her mother, who suffered from serious depression for most of her childhood. Her mother later ended her own life when Wincer was in her twenties. The author then went on to have two children; the oldest of whom has autism and requires full time care and supervision from Wincer and will require a high level of care for all of his life.
Tender is about the unpaid carers, that are often not spoken about and are negleced by our society. Wincer interviews a number of carers and the people that they care for in her book - most of these people are caring for a demographic that usually would not need the level of care that they recieve ( e.g older children, teenagers, middle-aged adults). Wincer explores the isolation, loneliness and discrimination often faced by people who require care ( usually people with severe physical and mental disabilities) and the people who care for them. The deep respect and compassion that Wincer had for both carers and the people they cared about is what stood out for me in this book - she doesnt push aside the needs of one for the other.
The book is divided into chapters which explore one-word that is important to carers. For example, there are chapters on 'Self-Compassion', 'Ableism' and 'Joy'. Tender is a great guidebook to those who are full-time or almost full-time carers and is also a good book to anyone in the healthcare, public policy or care industry to understand the issues unpaid carers face and the best ways to offer them support. I am not and have never been a full time carer, for that reason there were some chapters that were not very relevant for me ( chapters about where to find an inclusive online community for disabled people and their carers) - this book is more a personal reflection and a guidebook on caring for those with disabilities, it isn't academic and doesn't seek to give the reader a larger picture of the care industry ( as opposed to a book like Labours of Love which I'm reading at the moment). For that reason I would only recommend this book to people who are unpaid carers and people who are directly working with unpaid carers.
I believe that most people alive today will take on care responsibilities for other people and will have to recieve full-time care themselves at some point in their lives. Due to medical advancements we're seeing an increase in an ageing population across the world - an elderly population who are alive but need various levels of support to remain so. For someone like me, I expect to extend full-time care to two groups of people - young children and very old adults who are approaching the end of their life. I do believe that's also what most people think their caring responsibilities will extend to.
Penny Wincer has been a carer for a lot of her life. She was a young carer to her mother, who suffered from serious depression for most of her childhood. Her mother later ended her own life when Wincer was in her twenties. The author then went on to have two children; the oldest of whom has autism and requires full time care and supervision from Wincer and will require a high level of care for all of his life.
Tender is about the unpaid carers, that are often not spoken about and are negleced by our society. Wincer interviews a number of carers and the people that they care for in her book - most of these people are caring for a demographic that usually would not need the level of care that they recieve ( e.g older children, teenagers, middle-aged adults). Wincer explores the isolation, loneliness and discrimination often faced by people who require care ( usually people with severe physical and mental disabilities) and the people who care for them. The deep respect and compassion that Wincer had for both carers and the people they cared about is what stood out for me in this book - she doesnt push aside the needs of one for the other.
The book is divided into chapters which explore one-word that is important to carers. For example, there are chapters on 'Self-Compassion', 'Ableism' and 'Joy'. Tender is a great guidebook to those who are full-time or almost full-time carers and is also a good book to anyone in the healthcare, public policy or care industry to understand the issues unpaid carers face and the best ways to offer them support. I am not and have never been a full time carer, for that reason there were some chapters that were not very relevant for me ( chapters about where to find an inclusive online community for disabled people and their carers) - this book is more a personal reflection and a guidebook on caring for those with disabilities, it isn't academic and doesn't seek to give the reader a larger picture of the care industry ( as opposed to a book like Labours of Love which I'm reading at the moment). For that reason I would only recommend this book to people who are unpaid carers and people who are directly working with unpaid carers.
January 2, 2021
This book is like a big, squishy hug inbetween pages. You can tell that Penny has written this from the heart. It's a must read for anyone in a caring role, and for anyone who wants to understand the true art of caring ❤.
May 20, 2024
This book provides great insight into what it means to be a caregiver, and the struggles a caregiver faces. It provides great suggestions on caring for yourself (such as specific tips on self-care, a basic overview of self-compassion, and the importance of finding community.) While this book isn't completely focused on caregiving as a parent, I do think there is a bit of a missed opportunity in talking about supporting siblings (who often become caregivers). There are great references - I've found additional books to add to my list because of this book.
I am a parent of a disabled child. I picked up this book 2 years after my daughter's diagnosis. I highly recommend reading this book once the initial shock of a diagnosis eases. While this would have been thoughtful to read during that period of time, personally, I wouldn't have inhaled this book, or been as open-minded about the truths of this (honestly really beautiful, joyful, and difficult) journey I'm on.
I am a parent of a disabled child. I picked up this book 2 years after my daughter's diagnosis. I highly recommend reading this book once the initial shock of a diagnosis eases. While this would have been thoughtful to read during that period of time, personally, I wouldn't have inhaled this book, or been as open-minded about the truths of this (honestly really beautiful, joyful, and difficult) journey I'm on.
November 13, 2021
Penny is an amazing writer. I really enjoyed the storytelling element of the book separately to the subject matter. This book reminds us that not everyone experiences life in the same way, and who is to judge what the quality of life is for another person in any case? I learned lots from the book, I hadn't realised that non speaking Autistic people existed, and will definitely be checking out the work of the author Penny recommends ( Barb Retenbach) to gain insight into her world. If you have a child or adult in your life that needs your care I'd imagine this book would be a great comfort and resource.
December 12, 2024
Another book that should be highly praised!
One other reason that I enjoyed reading Wincer's Tender is because I can personally relate to her story. Back in 2015, I had cared for my ailing grandfather who experienced a stroke during his heart surgery. For me, the hardest thing I experience is seeing his health decline. He is someone who enjoys every second of his life, enjoys going out to dinner with his family and the boys, enjoys his rum and cokes and always has a million-dollar smile. Seeing him unable to do what he enjoys broke me.
After his death, I struggled for so long with not sharing my experiences with those I knew would understand. Sharing my experiences and stories with my loved ones makes me realize what a beautiful journey he and I have shared. Now, as I look back, all I see are happy memories.
One other reason that I enjoyed reading Wincer's Tender is because I can personally relate to her story. Back in 2015, I had cared for my ailing grandfather who experienced a stroke during his heart surgery. For me, the hardest thing I experience is seeing his health decline. He is someone who enjoys every second of his life, enjoys going out to dinner with his family and the boys, enjoys his rum and cokes and always has a million-dollar smile. Seeing him unable to do what he enjoys broke me.
After his death, I struggled for so long with not sharing my experiences with those I knew would understand. Sharing my experiences and stories with my loved ones makes me realize what a beautiful journey he and I have shared. Now, as I look back, all I see are happy memories.
January 21, 2021
A must read for anyone who cares or ever has cared for someone. I very much enjoyed the way Penny was able to capture all the issues around caring without being horribly negative and ableist. The positives of caring are also examined and the importance of asking for help was discussed in depth which I found very affirming as this is something I need to learn. I found hearing the stories of others both interesting and affirming and would encourage anyone caring or who knows someone caring to read this.
September 21, 2021
I picked this book up on a whim when I saw it in my local library.
Working closely with Carers and clients in my role, I thought I knew what a Carer was, but this book has opened my eyes on the beauty and joy of being a Carer even when times are very difficult.
It opened my eyes to what needs Disabled people have to continue to lead enriching lives and how I can start thinking of ways to help my clients and prepare myself for a role as a Carer.
An essential book everyone needs to read.
Working closely with Carers and clients in my role, I thought I knew what a Carer was, but this book has opened my eyes on the beauty and joy of being a Carer even when times are very difficult.
It opened my eyes to what needs Disabled people have to continue to lead enriching lives and how I can start thinking of ways to help my clients and prepare myself for a role as a Carer.
An essential book everyone needs to read.
July 19, 2021
Excellent. Full of varying stories, meaning that anyone can find valuable insights and thought-provoking ideas throughout. Penny Wincer writes honestly and with great passion and purpose about all aspects of caring (for children, young people, & older people alike), disabled rights, and the challenges and pure joys of bringing up her son who is autistic. Highly recommended.
April 19, 2022
An amazing book about the challenges, practicalities and surprising rewards of being a carer, drawing on the author’s experiences as a teenage carer for her mother and as a single parent of an autistic son. Always realistic, she writes beautifully with compassion.
Her focus is mainly on disabled children and adults, rather than elderly parents and family members.
Her focus is mainly on disabled children and adults, rather than elderly parents and family members.
October 20, 2021
This is wonderful book. Reading it as a carer I felt seen and offered kind, heartfelt and genuinely useful advice but I also feel it is an important read for people who have no experience of caring so they can understand the true impact of being a carer.
September 12, 2020
New insights and perspectives triggered via stories shared.
September 28, 2021
So. Damn. Beautiful
June 13, 2023
A touch too new age for me but I do take on board the need to be kinder to myself. Lots of good examples and no shirking of the hard nature of caring
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews